Conflict Coach with Dr. Emily Taylor

Dr. Emily Taylor shares updates on several people she coached in Season One of the show. Has Jeff (Episode 9) found better work-life balance? Did Morgan (Episode 8) reconcile with her estranged sister? What happened with Sara’s coworker conflict in Episode 10? How did Erika (Episode 1) end up resolving things with her husband? Did Tyler (Episode 5) find a way to connect with his sister so they could share household duties more equally? In this final episode of the season, Dr. Emily also goes behind the scenes of conflict coaching with her producer Julie Rose to answer questions like: -Why doesn’t she tell people how to solve their conflicts? -What does she really mean when she asks “What is your need?” -How could texting sometimes be better than face-to-face communication in a conflict? -Why is role-playing such a common part of a coaching session? CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction and Season Recap 00:51 Update on Jeff’s Journey 01:36 Morgan's Update with Her Estranged Sister 04:03 Coaching Insights: The Role of a Coach 06:11 Tyler's Update: Building Sibling Relationships 10:32 Erika's Update: Understanding Underlying Needs 16:55 The Power of Mirroring in Conflict Resolution 19:32 Dr. Emily’s Conflict Achilles Heel 21:08 Role Playing and Sara’s Update 27:08 Reflections and Looking Ahead

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches Tina whose 11-year-old son is being harassed by another boy at school. Tina admits she usually tries to avoid confronting issues directly, but felt an important boundary was crossed and she needed to make sure the school was addressing the problem. Now Tina’s worried how the fallout from the conflict will affect her son at school and her own social interactions with the other boy’s parents. Dr. Taylor offers guidance on enforcing healthy boundaries and helps Tina role-play to prepare for an awkward social interaction. In this episode you’ll learn how to: -Establish and maintain healthy boundaries. -Process your emotions by role-playing before a tense encounter. -Prioritize the relationships that are most important to you in a conflict. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to the Conflict Coach 00:48 Meet Tina and Her Conflict 06:33 Understanding Boundaries in Conflict 11:57 Role-Playing the Confrontation 17:46 Reflecting on the Parent-Child Relationship 21:35 Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches Claire, who is in a stalemate with her young adult daughter, who still lives at home and is not progressing toward independence. The daughter is 23 and has Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. Claire tries to be compassionate, but suspects her daughter is capable of more.  A lot of conflicts involve uncertainty around what to realistically demand of the other person - maybe it's an elderly parent who's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's or a child custody battle with a former spouse or an adult child leaving the family's shared faith. Dr. Emily helps Claire identify ways to get her questions answered so she can start working toward a resolution. In this episode you’ll learn how to: - Create a map of your conflict to better identify possible resolutions. - Identify an unanswered question at the root of your conflict. - Know when to seek expert advice on your specific conflict. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:48 Stalemate Between Claire and Her Daughter 01:13 Daughter’s Background and Challenges: ASD, ADHD, ODD 03:56 Exploring Claire's Frustrations 07:31 Mapping the Conflict 09:47 Imagining a Positive Scenario 14:52 Seeking Resources and Support 21:33 Conclusion and Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches Sara - a young professional in her 30s - who is being treated unkindly by a coworker. Peer relationships often experience the most conflict because there are so many opportunities for friction. Sara’s coworker is also a friend who helped her get the job and now seems to be looking for any reason to disagree and dismiss Sara’s opinions. Dr. Emily coaches Sara through a role-playing exercise to help her gain insight into her coworker’s motivations. Together they explore ways that Sara might build warmth and camaraderie in the relationship, even if her coworker is unwilling to directly address the conflict. In this episode you’ll learn how to: -Identify the“fundamental attribution error” in your judgment of the other person’s behavior.  -Use the TRIP acronym to identify what your conflict is really about. -Recognize when direct confrontation is not the best approach in conflict. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:48 Meet Sara and Her Conflict 03:38 Why the Conflict is Hurtful to Sara 09:52 Role-Playing to Understand Her Coworker’s Perspective 13:52 Beware of the “Fundamental Attribution Error” 18:00 The TRIP Acronym 24:17 Sara Has a Surprising Realization 25:12 Key Takeaways and Conclusion

Dr. Emily Taylor helps Jeff address the challenge of balancing his high-conflict job with his personal life. Jobs that involve constant conflict navigation carry a unique risk: how you deal with disagreements at work can seep into how you handle things with your spouse or kids. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily coaches Jeff to identify his needs for achieving a balanced life and behaviors to help him establish and maintain better boundaries between work and home. Dr. Emily shares her own struggle to separate the conflict-rich nature of her own career from her personal interactions. In this episode you’ll learn how to: -  Look for boundaries you can put in place to help separate your work and home life.  - Create scaffolding around yourself to help you maintain the boundaries you're creating.  - Consider not only what you can cut out of your life, but also what you might want to add that will recalibrate the structure and meaning of what you're already doing. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:48 Meet Jeff: The Insurance Broker 01:21 Jeff's Conflict with Insurance Companies 04:42 The Personal Impact of Professional Conflict 08:17 Establishing Boundaries Between Work and Home 10:53 Identifying Personal Needs for Balance 16:25 Strategies for Maintaining Work-Life Balance 23:22 Conclusion and Key Takeaways 25:47 Outro and Next Episode Preview

Dr. Emily Taylor helps Morgan sort through the pain of being cut off by her sister and options for moving forward. Family estrangement is incredibly painful and surprisingly common. An estimated one-quarter of all adults in the US are estranged from a close family member. But reconciliation can - and often does - happen. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily offers Morgan a chance to talk through her understanding of why the estrangement has happened and the meaning she’s attached to it. Together they consider what Morgan’s needs are in the relationship with her sister and how she might re-establish contact when her sister refuses to take her calls. In this episode you’ll learn how to: - Begin the process of reconciliation with an estranged family member. - Recognize when you’re making assumptions about what another person’s actions mean. - Identify the interest that’s driving your position in a conflict. - Approach relational repair in smaller, more effective steps. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily Dr. Karl Pillemer blog post on reconciling after family estrangement: https://www.karlpillemer.com/psychology-today-on-fault-lines-and-family-estrangement/ You might also like this recent episode of Top of Mind with Julie Rose: “The Surprising Truth About Reconciliation After Estrangement” https://www.byuradio.org/top-of-mind-the-surprising-truth-about-reconciliation-after-estrangement CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Morgan: Family Text Conflict 03:53 Morgan's Perspective and Struggles 08:18 Exploring Solutions and Reconciliation 12:44 Dr. Emily's Insights on Family Estrangement 16:35 Morgan's Path to Repairing Relationships 26:48 Final Thoughts and Skills Recap

Dr. Emily Taylor helps Ann understand why efforts to smooth things over with a sister-in-law aren’t working. There are different ways to go about resolving a conflict and we each have our preferred approach: compete; accommodate; compromise; or collaborate. If you’re stuck in a repetitive conflict, that may be a sign your typical approach isn’t the best fit for the situation. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily helps Ann identify the reasons why a collaborative resolution is not possible in a 20-year conflict she’s had with her sister-in-law. Together they consider how Ann might adjust her expectations for the relationship to protect herself from further harm. In this episode, you will learn how to: · Address your fundamental need to feel safe in a conflicted relationship. · Identify your preferred approach to resolving conflicts and when to adjust course. · Recognize the “schemas” or mental constructs driving your expectations in relationships Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to the Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Ann and Her Conflict 01:20 Ann's Strained Relationship with Her Sister-in-Law 04:39 The Impact of Passive Aggression 08:39 Exploring Ann's Approach to Conflict 11:32 Reassessing Relationships and Expectations 15:37 Finding Peace Within the Conflict 27:14 Key Takeaways and Skills 29:29 Conclusion and Next Episode Preview

Dr. Emily Taylor helps a mid-career professional to consider the root of a work conflict. When we’re filled with regret about something we’ve done or said in the past, it can be difficult to see a path forward in conflict. Finding compassion for ourselves can help us see missteps as learning opportunities to do better in the future. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily helps Rachel identify why she feels such a deep sense of self-betrayal over a big decision she made to change careers. Together they consider how addressing her internal conflict may help Rachel resolve problems she’s having with her new boss. In this episode, you will learn how to: - Listen to your gut for insight into what matters most to you. - Look back on your past actions with compassion. - Reframe mistakes or failures as opportunities to do things differently in the future. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Rachel: Career Change Struggles 04:43 Rachel's Internal Conflict 12:56 Self-Compassion and Reframing 24:18 Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor helps with a conflict over shared space. We all fill different roles in our families – mother, father, sister, brother - but sometimes when we fall back into those roles, we can end up perpetuating patterns that don’t really serve us in conflict. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily helps Tyler identify the roles that are fueling a current conflict around responsibilities for maintaining shared living space. Together they discover that the problem Tyler has been focused on is actually a symptom of something else he can work on to create a lasting solution. In this episode, you will learn how to: - Proactively address friction in situations where conflict is inevitable. - Identify the patterns and roles driving your response to a conflict. - Recognize when to focus on the relationship, rather than the conflict itself. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:48 Meet Tyler and His Conflict 01:15 Understanding the Shared Space Issues 04:56 Tyler's Family Dynamics 11:11 Exploring Solutions and Communication 14:58 Reflecting on Sibling Relationships 25:18 Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor helps a manager prepare to meet with an angry employee. When you feel under attack in a tense meeting, it’s natural to react in ways that make the situation worse. Try practicing your approach to the meeting ahead of time. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily does a series of role-playing exercises to help Elizabeth prepare a script for her next meeting with an employee who has expressed frustration with Elizabeth’s management style. In this episode, you will learn how to: -Rehearse for a tough conversation in a conflict. - Know when to speak and when to listen. - Notice cues in a conflict that signal the other person’s needs. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media: @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Elizabeth: The Conflict at Work 01:16 Elizabeth's Perspective on the Conflict 06:19 Dr. Taylor's Insights on Conflict Resolution 11:23 Role-Playing the Resolution 31:16 Final Thoughts and Key Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches a renter in a chaotic housing conflict. It’s easy for conflict-avoiders to get stuck in an unsatisfying situation because they’re convinced “it could be worse.” In this coaching session, Dr. Emily helps John to see his chaotic housing environment more clearly and consider whether he’s really committed to changing things. Together they uncover a surprising truth about John’s willingness to stay in his current situation. In this episode, you will learn how to: - Challenge the tendency to compare current issues to worst-case scenarios. - Watch for token gestures that don’t address the root conflict. - Recognize avoidance as a sign of internal resistance that may signal a different desired outcome. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet John: The Tenant's Tale 01:32 John's Conflict Unfolds 04:20 Addressing the Issues 08:33 Reflecting on the Situation 13:07 Exploring Solutions 23:47 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches a homeowner in conflict with his neighbor over parking. The story you’re telling yourself about a conflict may have important gaps that are preventing you from finding resolution. In this episode, Dr. Emily coaches Logan to consider the narrative he’s created of a disagreement with his neighbor over parking that has escalated to threats of calling the police. In this episode, you will learn how to: - Consider the conflict from the other person’s perspective. - Re-examine the mode of communication you’re using in a conflict. - Know when to settle for partial resolution of a conflict. Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Logan and His Parking Conflict 01:12 Logan's Perspective and Initial Actions 05:04 Understanding the Neighbor's Concerns 09:15 Exploring Possible Solutions 13:50 Reflecting on Communication and Relationships 21:41 Key Takeaways and Conflict Resolution Tips 28:43 Conclusion and Next Episode Preview

Dr. Emily Taylor coaches a parent to discover the root of a repetitive disagreement. There’s a good chance the conflict you’re struggling with is about something deeper than you realize. That’s what Erika discovers in this coaching session about what seems like a minor, repetitive disagreement around mealtimes with her young daughters. In this coaching session, Dr. Emily guides Erika through strategies to identify what the conflict is really about and brainstorms new ways to communicate with her husband about the issue. In this episode, you will learn how to: - Clarify what’s below the surface of a conflict. - Use what you know about the other person to communicate more effectively. - Use the “non-violent communication” style in a conflict Dr. Emily recommends these resources on non-violent communication: https://www.cnvc.org/ https://nonviolentcommunication.com/resources/ Let us know how these strategies work in your own life! Email Dr. Emily at conflictcoach@byu.edu or connect with her on social media @conflictcoachwithdremily 00:00 Introduction to The Conflict Coach 00:49 Meet Erica: Struggles of a Young Mom 01:27 Dinner Time Conflicts: Control and Critique 04:51 Deeper Values Behind Parenting Choices 13:33 Role Play: Communicating Values to Your Partner 22:10 Effective Communication Strategies 25:40 Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Tired of feeling overwhelmed by conflict in your life? Learn the skills to confidently handle any conflict, as certified mediator Dr. Emily Taylor coaches real people through real conflicts in their lives. From family struggles to workplace disputes, neighborhood conflicts to in-law disagreements, each episode of Conflict Coach with Dr. Emily Taylor gives you concrete strategies to find the root of a conflict, identify solutions and create positive change. Dr. Emily Taylor’s passion for helping others gain the confidence to navigate conflict comes from her personal experience (she’s a married mom of five!) and her professional life (PhD in psychology, certified conflict mediator, author of the books “Conflict Fluent” and “Raising Mediators.”) Conflicts are inevitable, but they don’t have to ruin your life. Let Dr. Emily Taylor be your guide to building the life you want. Conflict Coach with Dr. Emily Taylor is a BYUradio podcast. New episodes every other Tuesday starting February 4. Connect with Dr. Emily on social media @conflictcoachwithdremily.