The Autistic VOICE Project

Small talk is weird. Especially when you’re autistic.This week, Matt, Erin, and Cade dig into why neurotypical small talk revolves around scripts like weather and sports, while autistic conversations often jump straight into deeper topics, shared interests, and joyful info-dumps.Highlights from this episode:Why small talk works as “social lubrication” for neurotypicals — and why it often feels pointless or exhausting for autistic peopleHow parallel play and shared activities (like gaming) can be a more natural way for autistic folks to connectThe surprising lesson from a game where small talk is literally just a button you pushThe difference between helpful structure and overwhelming social guessworkWhy autistic conversations often center curiosity, depth, and special interests instead of scriptsAlso in this episode: IKEA instructions as a metaphor for autistic life without clear signposts, guild dynamics in online games, and why an enthusiastic info-dump might actually be the most honest form of connection.Real talk. Autistic joy. And a reminder that connection doesn’t have to look like weather updates and sports scores.This is the way.

This week’s episode happened fast. Matt and Erin pulled in returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp to talk through a situation unfolding in real time—and why it matters far beyond one state.We talk about the sudden policy in Kansas invalidating driver’s licenses for many trans people, what that actually means in everyday life, and why community support and mutual aid matter right now.Highlights from the episode:What the Kansas policy means in practice—how invalidating IDs can affect driving, voting, pharmacy access, and safety for trans peopleThe overlap between autistic and trans communities, and how systems often gatekeep gender-affirming care through letters, bureaucracy, and barriersPractical ways to help: mutual aid, organizations like Rainbow Sanctuary and the Resilience Postcard Project, and how allies can show up even without moneySide note:This episode moves between serious policy discussion and very real Autistic tangents—because that’s how conversations actually work. We talk about activism, community care, workplace small talk scripts, reality TV social games, and why sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simple: show up, support people, and make sure nobody is facing this stuff alone.Resources Mentioned in This Episode:Autistic Connections: Available on Facebook and Discord, Autistic Connections is a community space where listeners can connect and continue conversations.Rainbow Sanctuary (Emporia, Kansas): Queer-led multi-faith sanctuary supporting LGBTQ+ people and organizing practical support for trans residents affected by recent policies.Resilience Postcard Project: Community effort sending supportive postcards and messages to trans people and trans youth who may be isolated or unsafe.https://transresiliencestudy.com/resilience-postcard-project/ACLU: Civil liberties organization currently involved in legal challenges related to discriminatory policies.https://www.aclu.orgPFLAG: Longstanding advocacy and support organization for LGBTQ+ people and their families.https://pflag.orgVan Ethan Levy Gender-Affirming Care Training and Provider List: Training and provider directory for clinicians who write gender-affirming care letters with reduced gatekeeping.https://www.dosomethingidentities.orgAces Up Your Sleeve Podcast: Podcast co-hosted by Kade Sharp focused on sexuality, neurodivergence, and identity.https://neurokink.org/auysBonus Resources:These weren't mentioned in the show, but came to our attention afterwards. Since we want folks to have as many resources as possible, here they are.Trans Continental Pipeline: Volunteer network helping trans people relocate to safer states, including housing coordination and relocation support with a focus on Colorado.https://tcpipeline.org/Trans Continental Pipeline – Additional Relocation Projects: Page listing partner relocation efforts helping trans people move to states beyond Colorado when safety or legal access to care is threatened.https://tcpipeline.org/notco/

Matt and Erin flip the script this week — Erin takes the lead, and Matt talks about living as a PDAer. It’s direct. It’s personal. And yes, there are breadsticks.We’re talking about what PDA actually is (and isn’t), why “pathological demand avoidance” misses the point, and what changes when we reframe it as a persistent drive for autonomy.Highlights from this episode:Why “pathological” says more about the system than the person — and why autonomy isn’t a disorderWhat PDA feels like on the inside: the spike, the interruption, the hierarchy aversion, and the need for safetyLow-demand parenting in real life — negotiating poop schedules, air fryer independence, and yes-and dinner planningThe difference between situational demand avoidance and the constant push-pull many PDAers live withWhy trust changes everything — and how offering real choices (not fake ones) builds flexibilityBoundaries still matter. No hitting. No harm. But how we approach limits makes all the differenceRespect over compliance. Personhood over productivity. Humans over resourcesWe also cover: Gmail login meltdowns, silent phones, corgis in human suits, community mental health productivity bonuses, black roses, Johnny Cash train sets, and why sometimes the fastest way to connection is an Olive Garden breadstick.Side note: If you’ve ever wondered, “Isn’t a low-demand approach just enabling?” — we talk about that. Directly. Safety isn’t indulgence. It’s oxygen. And when PDAers feel safe and respected, they can do hard things. Not because they were forced. Because they chose to.We are not defiant. We are not mean. We are wired for autonomy and safety. And when trust is real, flexibility grows.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Kate McNulty are back — and this one moves from burnout to shame to safety, with stops at birds, clocks, and emotional support cheese.We’re talking about what happens when your spark goes out… and how to find it again without shaming yourself into motion.We cover:• How to rebuild momentum in burnout — from “skip a step” strategies to using curiosity as fuel• What shame actually is, how it forms in dysregulated relationships, and why it disconnects us from safety• Fawning, appeasement, and nervous system survival — and why victims aren’t “choosing” compliance• Why reclaiming autistic joy, collections, and special interests is resistance — not selfishnessThere’s honest conversation here about re-parenting yourself while raising autistic kids, being shamed for what you love, and why honoring your natural cycles matters more than burning out in glory.If you’re feeling stuck, flat, or ashamed of the very things that light you up, this one’s for you.And yes — we still want to see the cats in cosplay.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by Kate McNulty, LCSW — therapist, teacher, late-identified Autistic human, and one of our own. We start with “special interests”… and end up square dancing, grinding coffee beans, and dismantling white supremacy. So. You know. A normal episode.We talk about:Kate’s late diagnosis at 60, the “lost generation,” and how stereotypes shaped by Rain Man left many of us masking for survivalWhat a “special interest” actually is: intensity, flow state, intrinsic motivation — and why these passions regulate our nervous systems and anchor our purposeHow engaging our interests (from pouring water to vibe coding to repairing clocks) can be acts of agency and even justice in overwhelming political timesWhy movement, pleasure, humor, and connection aren’t trivial — they interrupt freeze, restore hope, and help us stay human when systems are designed to make us feel helplessSide note: Yes, we talk about cornflakes. Yes, we talk about masturbation. Yes, we connect it back to dopamine and regulation. This is what happens when Autistic therapists follow their associative thinking all the way down.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, immobilized, or disconnected from the things that used to light you up — you’re not broken. You might be disregulated. There’s a difference.Come back next week. We’ll pick up the thread we almost started.

This week is a mailbag episode, and Erin and Matt take on two common questions from allistic listeners that come up constantly in real life. Both questions sound simple. Neither one is.Episode highlights:If ABA is harmful, does that mean all discipline or behaviorism is bad — and what discipline is actually forWhy punishment fails to teach, and how it damages trust, learning, and regulationThe difference between misbehavior driven by dysregulation vs. misunderstandingWhy discipline should mean teaching, modeling, and guiding — not control or complianceWhy Autistic people can be deeply literal and deeply sarcastic (aka snarkolepsy), and why that confuses people so muchAlso: this episode includes refrigerator magnets, cuckoo clocks, air fryers, AIC buttons for dogs, Amelia Bedelia logic, Hannah Gadsby wondering how she a box, and a penguin are related, Back to the Future, and a very firm rejection of authoritarian parenting. Matt and Erin don’t get to the rest of the mailbag — including PDA — because these two questions needed the space they took. And honestly, that’s kind of the point.Note from Erin:If you're interested in getting started on AIC buttons with your animals, I highly recommend checking out Fluent.pet and HungerForWords.com. They have lots of great info and free resources, even if you don't buy their buttons.Some of my favorite button-pushers to watch:Elsie at Elsie wants... (Human: Mary Robinette Kowal who is an incredible human all-around, but also happens to be a Hugo Award-winning author, celebrated narrator, and professional puppeteer)Twiggy, Odin and Freya at Twiggy and her Cat Cat Friends (Human: Janine Marie Skunk, talking about how she got started here)Bunny at What About Bunny (Human: Alexis Devine, who is also one of our Autistic neurokin! She tells her story and Bunny's in the book, I Am Bunny)And, we can't forget the O.G. of interspecies button learning - Stella at Hunger4Words (Human: Christina Hunger, the speech and language pathologist who first noticed the similarities between her puppy and the pre-language toddlers she was working with. You can learn more about Stella's learning process in the book How Stella Learned to Talk)

This week, Matt and Erin slow things down and talk plainly about stress — what it actually does to autistic bodies, and why it hits so hard. From shutdowns and migraines to doomscrolling, snacks, and dogs who run bedtime, this is a lived-in conversation about surviving a loud world.We cover:Why autistic stress isn’t just “in your head,” including interoception, shutdown, overdrive, and burnoutHow bodies give clues when stress is too much — and how many of us were taught to ignore those signalsPractical, real-world supports: automated routines, snacks-as-care, sleep scaffolding, and letting animals (and people) helpAlso included: vestibular migraines, perimenopause realities, surprise chicken strips, revenge bedtime procrastination, vagus nerve tools, cheese as coping (with rules), Google-induced rage, and why silence + snacks is a legitimate love language.

This week’s episode is heavy. Matt and Erin slow things down to talk plainly about safety, community, and what it means to stay human when systems built on control and cruelty become more visible. This is a grounding conversation about fear, responsibility, and why autistic ways of seeing the world matter right now.We cover:What it feels like to live under threat — and why many white autistic people are only now feeling what Black and Indigenous communities have lived with for generationsWhy autistic justice sensitivity, bottom-up processing, and pattern recognition make this moment especially destabilizing (and clarifying)Balancing staying informed with protecting your nervous system — including permission to rest, dissociate, distract, and come backCommunity vs. rugged individualism: why survival has always been collective, not transactionalPractical ways to engage that don’t require burning yourself out (calls, mutual aid, creative support, resource-sharing)Repair, accountability, and why changing your mind actually matters — but only if you do the workAlso: snowstorms, go-bags, echolalia, Batman canon, Abed as an autistic icon, consensual licking (yes, really), and a reminder that you don’t have to do everything — just something, when you can.Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. That’s not fluff. That’s the point.

Matt and Erin are back with returning guest Maisie Soetantyo for a deeper, wider conversation about what happens after diagnosis—inside families, across cultures, and over a lifetime. This episode shifts from systems to home, from protocol to relationship, and from “fixing” kids to protecting connection.We talk about parenting autistic kids without shame, why reward systems and compliance fall apart in real life, and how culture, gender, and family expectations shape autistic identity in ways the system rarely acknowledges.Episode highlights:How early masking is taught at school and reinforced at home—and why it sticks for lifeParenting neurodivergent kids without reward charts, coercion, or constant outsourcingThe quiet harm of being labeled “easy,” “good,” or “low maintenance” as an autistic childCultural shame, disability myths, and why many autistic people in Asian communities stay hiddenWhat actually helps autistic kids grow into regulated adults: safety, interest-based lives, and a home that feels like refugeThis is a grounded, human conversation about raising autistic people—not to perform adulthood, but to survive it with dignity. Real talk, lived experience, and tools you can actually use.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.Highlights from this episode:Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no” We stop here on purpose.Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.

This week, Matt and Erin are joined by Arielle Juliette—autistic creator, studio owner, and justice-sensitive human living very online in a very loud world. We talk about trauma, visibility, and what it actually costs autistic people to speak up right now.This is a wide-ranging, honest conversation about justice sensitivity, burnout, online harassment, and why “keeping the peace” so often means silencing ourselves.Highlights from the episode:Autistic justice sensitivity, trauma exposure, and why the current social and political climate hits so hardWhat it’s like to be an autistic, queer content creator navigating hostility, trolls, and pronoun panic onlineBurnout, body signals, flow states, and why autistic people tend to shine hard—and crash fastWhy “politeness over truth” protects systems, not peopleFinding (or building) your own herd when institutions and hierarchies were never built for youUsing privilege strategically to speak up—and why your voice matters even without a huge platformSide note: there are tangents. Superman vs. Superman. Advent calendars eaten incorrectly. Aliens. Keeping the peace at Thanksgiving. Also, a lot of real talk about fear, safety, and why speaking up can still be worth it—even when it’s hard. Exactly. Exactly.

Matt and Erin are back this week with returning guest Arielle of Dance Life Studio and Fitness, and the conversation goes exactly where Autistic conversations tend to go: movement, joy, systems that don’t fit us, and what actually helps people thrive.We talk about belly dance, autistic nervous systems, and why building a life that works for your body isn’t indulgent—it’s survival.In this episode, we cover:*Growing up with an autism-affirming secure base, masking as a survival skill (not a moral failure), and why the problem was never the kidBelly dance as stimming, regulation, and community—movement hunger, finishing the stress cycle, and why joy matters as much as recoveryAccommodations, cinnamon metaphors, and how “the world won’t accommodate you” is usually just unexamined trauma talkingTeaching and moving in ways that work for autistic bodies, including hypermobility, EDS, chronic pain, and seated adaptationsCulture, colonization, and why understanding the roots of art—and not selling orientalist fantasy—actually deepens connectionAlso: finger cymbals, butthole jokes as a legitimate teaching tool, autistic euphoria, “this is the cutest day of my life” energy, and a reminder that if you can move any part of your skeleton, you can dance.Everyone in the Autistic community is welcome here.

Matt and Erin sit in that strange in-between space after Christmas and before New Year’s, where everyone’s supposed to feel hopeful but most of us are just tired. This episode is a grounded, funny, very Autistic conversation about why New Year’s expectations don’t work the way people think they do—and what actually does help.Highlights from the episode:• Why New Year’s resolutions rely on dopamine, not sustainability—and why that backfires for autistic nervous systems• Systems over habits: menus instead of time-blocking, meds placement, and designing life around how your brain actually works• Process complexity, perfectionism, and needing to see the whole plan before starting anything• Preparation as regulation: go bags, multi-tools, and why being ready reduces anxiety about the unknown• Letting go of “fresh start” pressure and focusing on survival, scaffolding, and realistic supportThere are also clocks (a lot of clocks), Daylight Saving Time joy, lightsabers that must be perfectly level, Batman toasts “to survival,” barking dogs, cat food reminders, and a reminder that you don’t need a new personality in January—you need systems that meet you where you are.You made it here. That counts.We’ll see you in the new year.

Matt and Erin are back just before Christmas, talking honestly about why the holidays are often overwhelming instead of joyful for Autistic people. This episode names the stress, the sensory overload, and the impossible expectations—and offers realistic ways to get through it. Highlights of the episode:Why the holidays are a perfect storm of sensory overload, social pressure, and emotional burnoutFood expectations, texture aversions, and why chicken nuggets, fries, and safe foods count as real holiday mealsPDA, demand overload, and why traditions don’t get easier just because they’re “traditions”Navigating toxic, racist, or unsafe family dynamics—and when not going is the healthiest optionPractical survival strategies: leaving early, doing dishes to escape conversation, and creating sensory retreat spacesWhat to do if you’re alone during the holidays, including online connection, pets, comfort media, and making the day your ownAlong the way: Charlie Brown as autistic canon, green bean casserole slander, potatoes as a reliable food group, Bluetooth meat thermometers, and a reminder that you’re not imagining how hard this season can be. There’s no right way to do the holidays—only what actually works for you.

Matt and Erin are back this week, and we’re taking on the zombie myth that refuses to stay dead: the claim that vaccines cause autism. It’s blunt, it’s necessary, and yeah—we’re not being cute about it. This episode breaks down where the lie came from, why it keeps resurfacing politically, and how it harms autistic people, public trust, and actual human lives.We cover:Where the vaccines-cause-autism myth actually started (Andrew Wakefield, 1998, 13 kids, bad science, revoked license)The difference between misinformation and disinformation—and why intent mattersWhy vaccine injury ≠ autism, and how increased distress gets mislabeled as “more autistic”How this narrative quietly frames autism as worse than death or disability—and why that’s dangerousWhy science revises itself, how retractions work, and why that’s a feature, not a flawHow to find reliable public health information right now, including why Your Local Epidemiologist is worth your timeAlso: dry sarcasm disclaimers, Mexican Coke as the unofficial sponsor, bleach enemas being an absolute hell no, Bob from Tulsa (we love you), and practical ammo for surviving holiday dinners with Uncle Ted and his Facebook medical degree.This one’s direct on purpose. No euphemisms. No soft edges. Vaccines don’t cause autism—and autistic lives are worth defending without apology.Your Local Epidemiologist: Vaccines don’t cause autism. So what does?https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/

Content note: This episode is heavier and much longer than usual. It runs about an hour and a half, and it covers medical trauma, chronic illness, and the grief that follows years of being dismissed. If you don’t have the spoons for that right now, it’s completely OK to skip it entirely or come back when you have more capacity.Matt and Erin are here this week — and we start out thinking ahead toward Christmas traditions and Krampus, but then everything drops into the reality of bodies that are breaking down while everyone else thinks we’re fine.We stay with the medical gaslighting, the fear, and the kind of pain you can’t perform loudly enough for anyone to take seriously.We don’t tidy it up; we tell the stark truth because too many Autistic people are carrying this alone.We get into:Invisible disability as a daily negotiation that no one notices until you collapseMedical dismissal that turns “take some Advil” into decades of preventable harmEstrogen, histamines, MCAS, POTS, and the weird constellation of symptoms no doctor connectsThe difference between “bad cramps” and organs bound together by scar tissueHow pain that looks calm from the outside gets treated as imaginaryThe emotional damage of managing crises alone while coordinating your own careThe quiet grief of losing years of functioning before anyone believes youWe’re steadier now because we pushed, insisted, and found the few people who could actually hear us. If you’re going through anything like this, we hope the episode helps you feel less alone while you fight to be believed.Resources Mentioned: Autistic Connections: The community Facebook group associated with this podcast, offering autistic-led support and connection.https://www.facebook.com/groups/619732285448185Buoy: Electrolyte hydration drops that offer a lifetime chronic illness discount.https://justaddbuoy.com/pages/chronic-illness-supportUCSF Endometriosis Center: The specialty clinic where Erin received expert surgical care.https://www.ucsfhealth.org/clinics/endometriosis-centerNancy’s Nook Endometriosis Education: A Facebook-based learning library with medically vetted information and surgeon listings (not a support group).https://www.facebook.com/groups/NancysNookEndoEd/Disney Disability Access Service (DAS): The accommodation system discussed in the episode and its recent policy changes.https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/

Matt and Erin are back this week with a Thanksgiving episode that’s… honestly, a lot. Food sensitivities, MCAS, sensory overload, historical truth-telling, and why beige food is basically an autistic love language. We also get into the real history behind the holiday, the weirdness of family gatherings, and how to make eating day actually work for your nervous system.We cover:Why Thanksgiving foods can be a sensory minefield (taste, texture, histamines, executive functioning)Family chaos: noise, politics, racist Uncle Bob, and the pressure to “just suffer through it”Autistic food stories: McNugget platters, stuffing experimentation, bread-only buffets, and the rise of the Soft Taco EraMCAS, histamine responses, estrogen shifts, and why your throat might randomly decide “nope”Environmental overwhelm: hardwood floors, too many people, wrong-size spoons, and bringing your own silverwareAlso: Snoopy’s questionable turkey ethics, preschool plays involving the USS Enterprise, Samwise running through a field of potatoes, Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathons, friendly dogs, biker ninjas (allegedly), and Matt almost getting run over by his own car.Take what you need this eating day. Skip what you can’t. And if all you manage is bread and cookies, you’re doing fine. This is the way.

Matt and Erin come in hot this week after a 30-minute derailment caused by YouTube’s brand-account labyrinth. Which, of course, turns into a very on-brand deep dive into autistic executive dysfunction, bottom-up processing, and why chaotic systems wreck us more than most people realize.We cover:What executive functions actually are, and why autistic brains struggle when systems make no senseSignposting, scaffolding, and why clear structure helps reduce overwhelmThe Google/YouTube “brand manager” disaster as a real-time case study in autistic frustrationPDA (persistent drive for autonomy), emotional regulation, and the gremlin-with-an-air-horn analogyInvisible disabilities, judgment around “messiness,” and why demand avoidance is not defianceWhen executive dysfunction shows up in daily life: emails, cooking, home tasks, and shutdownsAlso: Godzilla as a non-mouse, ketchup as a sensory buffer, Lego bag numbering, microwave dinners, and Matt’s kid using “Oh, people!” as the ultimate curse word.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Hunter Hammersen (of Tiny Nonsense) are here this week — and we dive straight into the joy of doing small, “impractical” things that make the world softer. Hunter talks about the sensory comfort and connection of knitting, why autistic joy matters, and how choosing authenticity over “palatable” professionalism changed her life.We also get real about burnout, capitalism, and the audacity of charging what your work is worth — even (and especially) as a disabled creator.We cover:Knitting as stim, sensory joy, and social scaffolding for autistic folksThe power of breaking complex tasks into approachable steps — and why that’s an autistic super-skillLetting go of “normal better” and embracing your own autistic brillianceHow valuing your work helps you create from abundance instead of exhaustion“Autism sparkling,” or being one step weirder on purpose to find your peopleWhy tiny nonsense, like knitted acorns or handmade clocks, keeps us grounded in joyAlso: garlic bread vs. white bread as a metaphor for authenticity, the politics of good zippers, and why scissors that don’t snick properly are a personal betrayal.

Matt, Erin, and guest Becca Lory Hector are here this week — talking about what it means to rebuild your life after a late autism diagnosis, why “shoulds” are poison, and how self-compassion can literally save lives. Becca shares her story of getting identified at 36, how autism gave her the information she needed to stay alive, and what she’s learned about self-defined living along the way.We cover:What happens when you finally get an autism diagnosis after decades of masking and burnoutThe difference between self-esteem and self-compassion — and why the latter matters moreHow internalized ableism and “shoulding” ourselves lead to depression and suicidalityRedefining success for autistic people: comfort, safety, and authentic connectionBecca’s book Always Bring Your Sunglasses and why honoring your sensory needs isn’t optionalHer course Self-Defined Living and how it helps late-identified Autistics rebuild life on their own termsAlso: Mexican Coke supremacy, wearing pants on Zoom, the myth of “high functioning,” and why a good autism eval is as refreshing as an ice-cold Coke.