Apocrypals

"Then, even if your beginnings were modest, your final days will be full of prosperity." -- Job 8:7 Welcome to Apocrypals, the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but aren't, you know, jerks about it. Join comic book writers Benito Cereno and Chris Sims as they embark on a complete, non-sequential journey from Acts to Zephaniah, with stops in the Apocrypha along the way. Before we dive into the Good Book, though, we sit down to explain exactly why we're doing this, what our goals are, and our own history with a particularly Southern brand of Christianity.  Topics of discussion: The music of Carman, "pizza parties," Wu Tang vs. Supreme Court vs. Apostles, raps about the Gospels, St. Brightside, Paul as the Captain America of the Apostles. 

"Look, you scoffers, marvel and vanish away, because I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will never believe, even if someone were to explain it to you." — Acts 13:41 Chris and Benito begin their Biblical journey with the sequel to the Gospels. The Holy Ghost Awakens as Peter proves to be pretty hard-line about communism, Paul goes a little too hard in the paint, and we meet our first favorite character in the Book.  Topics of discussion: Holy Week breakdown, Theophilus and the #squad, Judas exploding, St. Christopher (a werewolf), Pentecost, Ananias and Saphira vs. Full Socialism, Simon Magus, 12 dudes with like four names between them, the Party Dude of the Book of Acts, Snake Church, the two main dudes of the Bible. 

"Therefore I issue a decree that anyone of any people, nation, or language who says anything offensive against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego will be torn limb from limb and his house made into a garbage dump." -- Daniel 3:29 This week, Benito and Chris take their first foray into the Old Testament, and into the Apocrypha with the Book of Daniel, including the deuterocanonical Prayer of Azariah, Bel and the Dragon, and Susanna. Join us as we discuss Nebuchadnezzar's harsh penalties, Daniel's Encyclopedia Brown-esque early days, examine the one weird trick that makes doctors hate this local prophet, and treat you to what might be the most amazing pun of the entire Bible. Plus: Chris went to Mass!  Topics of discussion: Catholic Mass and the Lord's Prayer freestyle breakdown, the Tanakh vs. the Old Testament, a brief recap of the period between Abraham and Alexander the Great, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, turning houses into garbage dumps as punishment for bad dream interpretation, most of the Bible stories you bring up conversationally, Antiochus IV Epiphanes and an excellent goof from history, tree puns in Greek, the Septuagint, Encyclopedia Daniel, Angelic GrubHub, 2 Creeps.

"Go, say unto Simon: Peter, because of whom thou fleddest out of Judaea, waiteth for thee at the door." -- The Acts of Peter, Chapter IV Join us this week as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Peter and Acts of Peter and Paul for the daring return of the Bad Samaritan himself, the Father of All Heresies, the man who claims to be Jesus and may actually be Paul, Simon Magus! When our favorite Biblical supervillain shows up, Simon "The Rock" Peter returns to action to reanimate a smoked herring, get into a resurrection-off, and other Acts that are buck wild even by Biblical standards. Plus, the extremely apocryphal events of Justice League of America #2 and World's Finest #265. Topics of discussion: Julius Caesar Real vs. Robin Hood real, How to tell Peter and Paul apart in paintings, Leucius Charinus, Gnosticism and Ennoia, Simon (Paul) (Saul) vs. Peter (Simon), the death of Dioscurus, how the city of Pontiole got full-on Spongebobbed, The Acts of Pilate and the Gospel of Nicodemus, the Science Dimension, The Church of Domine Quo Vadis and the footprints of the Ghost of Jesus, Peter: The Literal Rock, San Paolo alla Tre Fontani, M.R. James, Harris and See, "Roll Call" by Lil Jon feat. Ice Cube, Reigns: a big dog. Special thanks to Jordan Witt for our new artwork this episode!

"Woe to those that are wise in their own opinion and clever in their own sight." -- Isaiah 5:21 Isaiah, the biggest beefiest boy of all the prophets, steps into the spotlight to put our very premise to the test. Can we actually do an episode when there's no real narrative and about 66 chapters of prophecies that require a 45-minute history lesson? U-DECIDE! We dive in for some complicated context, check out the most quotable book of the Bible, and at long last, start runnin' with the devil. Topics of discussion: Joshua, Isaiah, and Jesus all having the same name, the Three Isaiahs, the Regret Box, "Feet," Alma vs. Parthenos, the Syro-Ephremite War, Hezekiah building a tunnel to avoid eating his own poop, God is sick of your parties, swords to plowshares and other common phrases, Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz vs. Pele-Joez-El-Gibbor-Abi-Ad-Sar-Shalom, Sheol vs. Hades vs. Hell vs. Gehenna the perpetually burning garbage dump, Lucifer (actually Venus), the first appearance of monotheism, Cyrus the Great

"Therefore, any one of you who judges is without excuse, for when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. We know that God's judgment on those who do such things is based on the truth. Do you really think any one of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same, that you will escape God's judgment?" -- Romans 2:3 Hello, Theophiloi! We, Chris and Benito, faithful servants of the podcasting game, called to talk about the Bible without being jerks about it, bid you greeting. This week, we set out on the Roman Road with our Straw Teen for the most commonly quoted book of the New Testament. Topics of discussion: The format of Roman letters, a shout out to Phoebe, the Roman Road, Teen Missions, a serious look at the context of Paul's letter versus the modern evangelical take, three paragraphs about circumcision, Resurrection Bodies, the two great commandments, and what is Paul even talking about?

"And Isaiah answered and said 'So far as I have utterance, damned and accused be thou and all thy powers and all thy house, for thou canst not take from me aught save the skin of my body.' And they siezed and sawed in sunder Isaiah the son of Amoz with a wooden saw." -- The Ascension of Isaiah, 5:9-11. Here's a question for you, Theophiloi: How do you get rid of a prophet who won't stop sitting on your bed in the nude with 50 of his closest friends? The answer, at least according to this week's selection, is that you wait for him to turn into a tree that also won't stop prophesying, and then saw him in half. Join us as we read the apocryphal Ascension of Isaiah, which gets into some shockingly specific detail about what we can expect in the Gospels... mostly. Topics of discussion: The feast of Mary, Mother of the Church, Pentecost, Shavuot, a missed installment of SatanWatch, Isaiah's constant nudity, Samael, the Venom of God, the Carnage of God, the Demiurge, Belial, demons in the air, AntichristWatch, Negaduck Jesus, Nero's popularity, Jesus's wrath against White Castles, the benefits of wooden saws, the Seven Heavens, God's password, Thrones and thrones, the Junior Woodchuck Guide for Heaven, Haguel.

"When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that He was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked His disciples, 'why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?' When Jesus heard this, He told them 'Those who are well don't need a doctor, but the sick do need one. I didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" -- The Gospel of Mark, 2:16-17 Gird thyself, Theophiloi, for our longest episode to date as we dive into the Gospel of Mark and its mysterious secrets. Join us as we chronicle Jesus's very justifiable frustration with the apostles and learn about the Apostles that are most likely to set your house on fire. Plus, we delve into Secret Mark, Chris has a little difficulty with pronunciation, and we finally answer the age-old question that has been debated by theologians for almost 2,000 years: is the Gospel of Mark a sandwich? Topics of discussion: Hangry Jesus, the 3600 Marks of the Mark Corps, angel messaging, the difficulties of establishing lion and bear biology in bible times, baptism and its methods, the fish on all the cars, ancient acronyms, the most ride-or-die dudes in Galilee, "Boanerges," the Sons of Thunder, mystery cults, Herod, Herod, Herod, Herod, the first millennials, the invention of metaphors, the camel and the needle, a reference for those of you who were extremely online in 2005, "Isaiah Style," the Gay Content Airhorn, the Two Commandments, Thoughts & Prayers, Peter as Jesus's constant punchline, I.N.R.I., a sarcastic centurion who is very rude, Joses, and the Lord's tips and tricks for breaking and entering. Phew, what a long episode.  

  Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi! So remember how last week, we had our longest episode ever? Well, your boys done did it again. We went so deep into the Gospel of Matthew that we wound up recording for well over two hours, which means it's time for our very first two-part episode! Join us as we go about 40 minutes before we actually get into scripture, largely because we're busy talking about hypothetical gospels, reviewing the major motion picture The Star, and settling this whole .gif thing once and for all. Topics of discussion: Benito's anxiety, Chris's anxiety, the Pharisees, the Begats, the Synoptic Problem, Q, M, L, the Two Source Hypothesis, the Four Source Hypothesis, the Farrer-Goulder-Goodacre theory, Luke's anti-wizard agenda, three secret wizards, an entire litany of source theories that we don't talk about because nobody wants to be here all day, the Marcion Manhunter, the linage of Jesus and how it's actually the lineage of Joseph, an unsurprising Hellboy appearance and debate, Nazarenes vs. Nazarites vs. Nazoreans, Mary's virginity and Jesus's four brothers and two sisters, what happens to Jesus's birthday presents, how many infants is it okay to kill, Satan Bells, the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes, and some bad news for me, personally.

A question for you, Theophiloi: How many times would you like to listen to us go through the Gospel of Matthew? As many as... seven times? Well, you'll have to settle for two, as this week finds us finally getting into scripture. Join us here at Skull Mountain Baptist Church as we ghost ride the whip into Jerusalem, strain out gnats, gulp down camels, and celebrate the birthday of everyone's favorite dimwitted Apostle, Teen Peter. Topics of discussion: Bad ideas about when to bury your relatives, dogs of the Bible, the proper age for a Dog Bar Mitzvah, the apocryphal Gospel of Don Bluth, the Outer Darkness, Ultimate Mark, the Son of Man vs. the Son of David, Messianic Judaism, the last panel of every Jack Chick comic, Jesus being visited at work, Other Mary, Peter's greatest hits, Jesus's invention of metaphors, the real Kingdom Hearts, Peter's true and canonical age, white nonsense, The Fig Tree Discourse, Other Jesus, the good kind of forsaking, the Good Friday zombie apocalypse, Thunder, a disappointing lack of hijinx in the time of Silver Age Jesus, and Heave the Jesus Dog. Hey, you can also support the show now at ko-fi.com/apocrypals ! If you like it enough that you'd buy us a latte while we talked at you about the Bible, you can throw a few bucks our way as a love offering!

Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi (and possibly Apocryphinos)! We hope you're ready for some Johnny Bapto content, because that's what we have a lot of this time around, as we go into the Gospel of Luke! Bear witness to the Sermon on the Plain, the Seven Deadly Enemies of Man, and pure unbridled hatred for wizards, the rich, and, presumably, rich wizards. Plus, Chris solves the synoptic problem once and for all. You're welcome. Topics of discussion: a turkey of boy, Summer Christmas, the Triple Tradition, the Double Tradition, the Great Omission, the blueprint for a universal church, the Original Marvel Comics Bullpen of the Bible, editorial fatigue, Johntent, two turtledoves, the only canonical mention of Teen Jesus, the two completely unnecessary genealogies of Jesus, the alarming lack of details about Mary Magdalene and her seven demons, the Travel Narrative, Special Lukan Material, Jesus telling the Apostles that nothing can hurt them and how that might not have been the most accurate prophecy we've ever read, Third Mary, TLP, give us this day our Cool Ranch bread, #NotAllPharisees, Herod and Pilate becoming BFFs, the penitent thief aka San Dimas, Luke's OC, Hungry Teleporting Jesus. Please feel free to make a love offering at http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals to support the show!

Oh h*ck yeah! Your hosts done done it again, y'all: we goofed around and talked a whole lot about the Gospel of John. You'd think after going through this stuff four times, we'd be a little more efficient, but no. It turns out that there have been centuries of debate focused entirely on John 1:1, and it goes like you'd expect from there. Join us on the first part of our journey through the final canonical gospel (and by far the weirdest) as we meet a new and unknowable Jesus who is known by His first sign: turning Purple Stuff into Sunny D. Plus, we meet like eight Johns who might actually be one John, because who even knows anymore. You, uh, might want to familiarize yourself with Grant Morrison before you listen to this one, because we go deep. Topics of discussion: John 3:16, Austin 3:16, the Invisibles, the Matrix, Dark City, They Live, and other pop cultural touchstones, Gothy Magic Stuff, God's Fiction Suit, Benito's extremely bad joke, John the Baptist, John the Apostle, John the Presbyter, John the Revelator, Prester John, the Beloved Disciple, Homer and Chris's incredible disillusionment with the ancient world, John's virulent anti-semitism, dunking on Moses, 009, HaShem, the Word (aka the Discourse aka the Tiger Force), Desiderius Erasmus, the Heresy of Sabellianism, the Arian Heresy, Adoptionism, the Great Baptism Fight, Nathaniel the Secret Apostle, Simon Peter "The Rock" Johnson, Jesus being really mean to Mary for no discernible reason like what the h*ck, Jesus's good good wine, Jesus's whip and how the Castlevania franchise dropped the ball hard, Nicodemus and the most ridiculous question in the entire Bible, Samaritans explained at last, Jesus's Secret Food, the angel jacuzzi, boataportation, Undercover Jesus. Happy Hanukkah, everybody! If you liked the show, why not head over to ko-fi.com/apocrypals to give us a love offering?

Okay, Theophiloi, let's get this clear right now: Roy Thomas was the second editor-in-chief of Marvel after Stan Lee, and is often considered to have been the first comics creator to make the leap from fan to pro, so yeah, he's basically Luke. Hope that clears it all up. Now that that's done, break off a hunk of traitor bread and join us as we finally finish with the canonical gospels! This week: the back half of the Gospel of John, aka the Gospel of Travis! Enjoy a not insignificant amount of Gay Content, a good bit of Peter Rehab, and learn that Pontius Pilate was maybe not such a bad guy after all. Plus, a message to all our time traveler listeners! Topics of discussion: another trip to the bar, Lazarus, the Beloved Disciple(s), Apostle vs. Disciple, Mary Magdalene, the Da Vinci Code, and the Magdalena, Christopher Marlowe, King James, and Calcagno causing quite a bit of trouble, John Linen (ugh), a much better idea for Boba Fett, "Catamite," Erastes and Eromenos, Judas (not Iscariot), a weird verse to have on a poster, jalapeno poppers at the last supper, Dante's traitor power rankings, Olive Garden and Golden Corral and their relationship to the divine, the etymology of "Iscariot," Satan going to sleep with a little bread blanket, Teen Peter, St. Procla, the difference between martyrdom narratives and RomComs, Mary of Clopas, the Levirate Law, the Three Marys, the Spear of Destiny, the Passion of the Christ, the Top Five Victims of Crucifixion In History, a very specific number of fish. If you enjoy the show, then why go to http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals and make a love offering? We would appreciate it!

We are back, Theophiloi! After a bona fide Act of God, we've returned to read the capital-A Apocryphal Book of Tobit, and it is a wild one. Join us for the most canonical of the non-canonical books, in which we find out exactly why you shouldn't go to sleep under a wall, what fish parts you need if you do, and meet an ironically prudish demon and an angel who's cool but rude. Plus: What happens if we find a brand new book of the Bible, autographed by God? Topics of discussion include: Janelle Monae, Tisha B'Av, the debatable sacrament of Cheddar Bay Biscuits, "The Sons of Thunder," the Dead Sea Scrolls, Antigone, the second ominous black sarcophagus, the lowercase grateful dead, Monster In The Bridal Chamber as a genre, Jack of the Tales and the sack that he used to capture Death, rough times in Ninevah, Asmodeus, Watership Down (or maybe Redwall?), the Seven Princes of Hell, Solomon and his demon bros, the Malleus Maleficarum aka the Witch Hammer (please note we only endorse the title, not the content), the Lantern of Light, the actual true amount of money for which Julius Caesar was ransomed because I know things sometimes too, Angel Disguises, a continuity patch for the book of Daniel, St. Raphael, Dubuque, Iowa, why angels are also saints, Tobias the Eighth, Tiffany and Chad, the first of many rules about angels, Hrotsvitha of Gandersheim. Special thanks to Cathy Leamy for telling us about "Sons of Thunder!" If you like the show, why not head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals to pitch in a few bucks? You don't have to tithe 10% of your income to us, but, I mean, we also wouldn't turn that down.

Get out of the cistern and cut your nails, Theophiloi, because it's time for a brand new episode! Join us as we take on the extremely apocryphal book of Ahikar, Tobit's maybe nephew. This leads us to the biggest fight we've ever had on the show, which is about whether the Pharaoh's riddle contest is actually a riddle contest or not (it's not, but the eagle boys are pretty dope). Topics of discussion: A debate over the premise of the show that sends Chris's voice spiraling up about six octaves, Tu B'av, the Jewish calendar, a bit of self-promotion unrelated to Bible, Aesop who isn't real either, Deuterocanon and pseudepigrapha, the first of what we assume will be many mentions of Grand Admiral Thrawn, a number that constitutes "a lot of wives," all the numbers in the Bible, a pretty vindictive answer to a prayer, Ahikar's dubious teaching methods, drubbing, some low-hanging fruit, God vs. April, a truly bonkers level of animal cruelty, and Chris getting lightheaded from laughing at his own joke. It's a good one. If you enjoy the show, you can support us at: ko-fi.com/apocrypals

Happy birthday! To you, possibly, to us, definitely, as today (August 12) is Chris's birthday, and Benito's (August 20) is quickly following! To celebrate, we're taking a break from Bible Times to hit up the middle ages and Jacobus de Voragine's The Golden Legend. Join us as we learn about our namesake saints (namesaints), St. Christopher and St. Benedict. One is a gigantic werewolf and the other hates being horny. Just friggin' hates it. It's not a competition, but if it was, you know who'd be winning. Topics of discussion: Four specific people for whom eight days constitutes a week, saints as a concept, martyrdom and the veneration of local heroes, two EXTREMELY good stories about Benito's younger days, Chris forgetting how to pronounce "Jacobus" literally six minutes after hearing it, a suspiciously erotic description of Italian geography, the calendar of the saints, Shawns and Martys, a bonus hagiography of St. Wilgefortis, cynocephaly, the Devil's Tramping Ground, the shortest possible summary of the life of Jesus Christ, St. Neo the One, St. Scholastica, the original name of Kentucky, the Devil's immense hatred of bells, Through the Roof (and Chris literally laughing until he cries), Analog Tinder, a quick tangent about Bob Ross, a number of dancing women that St. Peter can scarcely comprehend, Totila the King of the Goths, an accidental priesthood, an explanation at last for the Arian Heresy, zombie nuns, and proper vampire slaying technique. This week's hymnal: "Werewolf Gimmick" by the Mountain Goats If you want to support the show, head over to http:/ko-fi.com/apocrypals because we would certainly appreciate it! Also, if the spirit moves you, Chris's wishlist is here: http://a.co/7azrxBv (Benito opted not to share his, presumably preferring to throw himself into a rosebush).  

Ever wonder why we have anxiety, Theophiloi? Perhaps it's because we're sitting down to examine and/or make goofs about the extremely well-known foundational text of at least three major world religions. That's right, y'all: it's our longest episode yet, featuring the genesis of the beginning of Genesis. This week: Chapters 1 through 11, covering Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah's Ark  , and other stories that you probably know very well, assuming you remember the part where Noah passes out drunk with his junk out and invents slavery. Plus, join us in the Correctional Confessional as we address some mistakes and inaccuracies from last week's episode concerning the current status of St. Christopher and St. Wilgefortis, Skull Mountain Baptist Church, and the Arian Heresy. Ever wonder why we have anxiety, Theophiloi? Perhaps it's because we're sitting down to examine and/or make goofs about the extremely well-known foundational text of at least three major world religions. That's right, y'all: it's our longest episode yet, featuring the genesis of the beginning of Genesis. This week: Chapters 1 through 11, covering Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah's Ark, and other stories that you probably know very well, assuming you remember the part where Noah passes out drunk with his junk out and invents slavery. Plus, join us in the Correctional Confessional as we address some mistakes and inaccuracies from last week's episode concerning the current status of St. Christopher and St. Wilgefortis, Skull Mountain Baptist Church, and the Arian Heresy.  Topics of discussion: Our favorite Non-Genesis creation stories, the Documentary Hypothesis (J, E, P, and D), the Tetragrammaton, Monolatry vs. Monotheism redux, the proper instructions for building LEGO sets, a busy week for Big G, ancient cosmology (aether, firmament, and other Spelljammer stuff), the two best land animals, a brief discussion of God's wife Ashe ra, the rather problematic relationship between the Book of Genesis and the gender binary and women in in general, the naming of the animals, Lilith and a secret Lilith that we've already talked about, the inherent evil of nudity, Cain, Kane, Kaine, various origins for vampires, the Nephilim, a trip to the Creation Museum, the Flood Narrative as a genre, God's knack for archery.  Hymnal: "Genesis" by Justice If you enjoy the show, why not make a love offering at http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals to help us keep going? We appreciate it, but love you all equally regardless. 

We've got a content warning on this one: This section of Genesis includes some very famous instances of homophobia, sexual assault, and incest. Keep that in mind if you plan on listening this week.  Join us, Theophiloi, as we continue our journey through Genesis. The first of the Pentateuch continues to be challenging as we move into the life of Abraham and find things that are even weirder than we got with Adam, Eve, and Noah. Join us for the many instances of Abraham hanging out with God, the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Binding of Isaac,  and the Biblical figure who is far more problematic than that ol' kitty-cat Satan: Lot. Lot is very bad, actually.  Topics of discussion: Chris Books and Benito Books, apple puns, the adventures of Abram when he was a boy, Midrash and the No-Prize, Abram's first Pokémon battle, how to deal with Pharaoh (hint: plagues), why East is bad,  Melchizedek's extremely good name, the War of Nine Kings, Arioch, the exact amount by which Abram is better than Leonidas, various covenants, the actual Handmaid's Tale, The Angel Of The LORD, the covenant of circumcision, Philo, Maimonides aka the RAMBAM, God's running crew and their love of bread, Lot's wife Eurydice, the troubling secret origin of the Moabites, Xena S1E18, obscure baby names, red stuff.  Further reading: Who Wrote the Bible and The Bible With Sources Revealed, by Richard Elliott Friedman Hymnal: "Gay Bar" by Electric Six If you enjoy the show, why not make a love offering at http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals to help us out!

Content Warning: We cover the story of Dinah in this episode, which involves a sexual assault. Shanah Tovah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to what we're pretty sure is the world's only Bible podcast! We're kicking off 5779 with the third part of our increasingly unwieldy discussion of Genesis. This week, the Lentil Stew Boys are back for hijinx as we cover the lives of Jacob and Esau, and give you a shofar performance that critics are already hailing as "well-intentioned." It is both our sexiest and most pro wrestling heavy episode yet, and we're as surprised by that as you are. Topics of discussion: Our wishes for a sweet Rosh Hashanah, Jacob's invention of cosplay, situations in which literally lying to your blind father about God is totally fine, conservation of blessings, a Jacobian installment of Benito's Anthroponomastics Corner, ordinary eyes, quite a few trips to the bone zone, animal husbandry and sympathetic magic, sympathetic sheep magic, Rachel's 11, whether or not the Holy Trinity tapped, the Biblical version of Death Wish meets Death Wish III. Hymnal: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

It's finally time, Theophiloi, for us to finish our exhausting journey through the extremely bizarre Book of Genesis! This week, it's the life of Joseph and his Completely Ordinary Long-Sleeved Dream Robe! The Golden Age Daniel (aka the Lord of Dreams) closes out the book with a surprisingly cohesive narrative that teaches us the solution to all of life's problems: throw it in a hole. It's the final 13 of 50 verses of people making bad moves! Join us, won't you? Topics of discussion: Hopes for an easy and meaningful fast on Yom Kippur, an evaltuation of Scott Rogowski's shofar playing, extremely good impressions of the Prince of Stories, inflation in Bible times, Er, Onan, a bizarre sex prank, Potiphar's name bros, America's three favorite things, a brief appearance by Historical Dracula, The Bonus Goat Podcast Network, Ben Carson, a wild set of last words, and a successful arrival in Egypt where nothing bad will happen probably. Hymnal: "Coat of Many Colors" by Dolly Parton Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!