Authentically ADHD with Carmen

IntroductionImagine trying to swim while holding a beach ball underwater – you might pull it off for a bit, but sooner or later that ball is bobbing to the surface. Masking ADHD can feel just like that. Many of us with ADHD learn early that our brains and behaviors can stand out, so we develop a “socially acceptable” persona to blend in. We smile, sit still, and force focus – all to hide our natural restlessness or distraction. This isn’t about being fake; it’s a survival strategy learned over years. But as the ADDA (Adult ADHD Organization) puts it, keeping that mask on “will take a lot of energy – and the same goes for hiding your ADHD symptoms” In this episode, we’ll explore what masking looks like, why we do it, how it varies across individuals, and most importantly, how to gradually unmask without burning out.What Is Masking and Why We Do It“Masking” (also called camouflaging or impression management) means hiding ADHD-related behaviors to appear neurotypical, usually to avoid stigma or negative judgments. Psychologists trace the idea back to Russell Barkley, who noted roughly one-third of people with ADHD develop masking habit. In practice, this can mean sitting unnaturally still to hide hyperactivity, speaking slowly to avoid interrupting, or painstakingly rehearsing what to say in social situations. We do it for safety. Maybe a teacher, boss, or parent once told us our energy was “too much,” or we saw peers get punished for fidgeting. Over time, we absorb: if we let our ADHD out, we risk judgment, rejection, or even losing out on opportunities. In fact, research shows it’s not paranoia: about 78% of adults with ADHD admit to concealing their symptoms at work for fear of discrimination In school, the disparity can be shocking – one study found students with overt ADHD behaviors are disciplined 3.5 times more often than their peers for the same actions. Add gender and cultural pressures, and masking can feel like the only path: for example, women with ADHD often face “double discrimination” (for having ADHD and for not fitting feminine organizational norms) and are 40% more likely than men to hide their diagnosis entirely. In short, from childhood on, many of us learn that showing our “whole” ADHD selves is risky or unwelcome. So we adapt. We smile when our mind is racing, offer practical reasons for missed details (“Sorry I’m late, traffic was a nightmare!”), and push down our impulsivity. This constant self-monitoring – judging every word, movement, or post you make – drains your brain like a marathon trainer. It literally spikes stress: one study found that simply drafting and editing an email to seem “normal” boosts cortisol by 45% – your body treats each message like a big performance reviewe. Over time, the nervous system can’t tell the difference between a social slip-up and physical dange, so we end up trapped in a cycle of hyper-alertness, exhaustion, and anxiety.What Masking Looks LikeBecause masking is so ingrained, it can look subtle – almost invisible – to others. Here are some common signs:Forcing calmness: You feel restless or impulsive inside, but you keep your voice and movements unusually slow. Your leg might be itching to bounce, but you tuck it under the chair. (Essentially, you’re acting tranquil on the outside to hide your inside.).Over-checking & perfectionism: You triple-check your work or double-back on a short text. It’s not just organization; it’s anxiety about making even a tiny mistake. You polish emails or assignments obsessively so no one will doubt you. This can buy you time socially, but it bleeds your time and energy.Mimicking behavior: You silently copy others. If classmates fidget with a pencil or crack jokes, you nod and do something similar, even if it feels unnatural. You rehearse social scripts or small talk lines so you don’t stand out.Hyper-focusing to overcompensate: You push intense focus on tasks that are being observed. In a meeting, you might go above and beyond on one project to cover for the times your attention drifts away.Suppressing stims: You swallow small yelps when you’re excited, hold in hand-flapping urges, or quietly tap your foot under the table so nobody notices your need to move.Masking emotions: Instead of expressing frustration or excitement, you “perform” a neutral or cheerfully appropriate response. You might bottle up anxiety during social events and then have a breakdown in private.Over time, these “adaptations” literally become a second job. You’re constantly monitoring yourself: “Am I moving too much? Did I blurt out something weird? Should I rephrase that?” It can feel like juggling while walking a tightrope. Nothing about the self feels authentic anymore – you’re playing roles, not being you. But it’s understandable: many ADHDers grew up being rewarded for “good behavior” and punished for impulsivity. The very need to mask is born out of those early lessons.The Spectrum of Masking ExperiencesMasking isn’t one-size-fits-all; it varies depending on who you are, your ADHD type, and even where you live. For example, many women with ADHD describe “quiet masking”: an exhausting act of looking calm and organized while feeling chaos inside. Research suggests women often mask more intensely – making extra lists, rehearsing conversations, or overstating competence – which partly explains why ADHD in girls is underdiagnosed. One online clinician notes that 82% of women with ADHD report taking excessive notes or lists as a main coping strategy, whereas men more often throw themselves into high-powered work or sports to cover their restlessness. Men, on the other hand, often face a different mask: society may expect them to “just power through” or hide vulnerability. They might channel their energy into accomplishments or humor while resisting showing any confusion or need for help. Non-binary folks often juggle multiple sets of expectations, effectively running two exhausting personas simultaneouslyHormones also play a role: many women report that masking feels easier at certain times of the month and nearly impossible at others. Studies find that in the week before a period (when estrogen drops), it may take two to three times the energy to hold the mask than usual. In real numbers, one analysis suggests neurodivergent women spend about 4.2 hours each day on masking behaviors (mental checklists, micro-adjustments, etc.) compared to 2.7 hours for men – almost two extra hours of invisible labor.Cultural and social context also shifts masking. If you live in a community that stigmatizes any difference, you may have learned to mask more completely. Queer or BIPOC individuals, for instance, often mask not just ADHD but intersectional identities – layering on extra caution. As a parent, you may have taught your child that only quiet, compliant behavior is “good,” so they never learned a louder style of coping. As an educator, you might see a child who seems well-behaved and think “no ADHD here,” while inside that child is using up all their energy to meet those external expectations. The takeaway: everybody’s mask looks a bit different. What matters is the cost: all masking demands surplus energy, and when you’re always paying that cost, the debt comes due.The Exhaustion CostSpeaking of cost – exhaustion is the hallmark of masking. It’s not ordinary tiredness; it’s an all-the-way-to-your-toes, bone-deep fatigue. Over time, masking takes an enormous toll on mental and physical health. Psychologists warn that chronic masking leads to “chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and mental health struggles” like anxiety or depression. You might find yourself mentally blanking after social events, or breaking down over small setbacks. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can worsen this: even a tiny hint of criticism triggers a panic that sends you scrambling to mask harder, which drains more energy.Imagine the analogy of a running car engine: for you, masking means the engine is revving constantly, even when parked. That steady drain pushes cortisol and adrenaline through your system day after day. In fact, one study found cortisol (the stress hormone) climbs nearly 50% higher when an ADHD brain is in “masking mode,” treating every text or conversation like a high-stakes. No wonder so many ADHDers talk about being “tapped out” by nightfall.The breakdown can look like burnout or even depression. Burnout may start targeted (you feel okay at home but depleted at work), whereas depression spreads gloom into all areas. The difference can blur when masking for years: you might not even recognize yourself under the layers of effort. Some call it an identity crisis – when the role you’ve played for so long crowds out who you actually are. Teachers and therapists note that people rapidly “unmasking” often feel lost at first, confused about what they truly feel versus what they’ve performed for so long.Chronic masking even shows up in our bodies. It turns out that intense mental effort – like keeping a fake version of you running all day – activates the same inflammation pathways as physical traum. In other words, the stress of constant performance can undermine your immune system and heart health just like chronic physical stress. People who have masked intensely for years sometimes develop exhaustion-related illnesses in mid-life (autoimmunity, chronic pain, etc.) at higher rates. The data is sobering: extreme mental strain is linked with roughly a 23% higher risk of heart disease and 50% higher risk of Type 2 diabetes.None of this means your experience is exaggerated or “all in your head” – it’s very real. Masking might start as a child’s coping trick, but it can become a hidden crisis of burnout and self-alienation. When we say “exhaustion in between,” we mean the haze between two states: who you pretend to be (masked) and who you hope to be (unmasked). That haze is filled with stress, self-doubt, and second-guessing everything you say and do.The Path to UnmaskingSo

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, we’re cracking open one of the most misunderstood struggles of AuDHD life: transitions. Whether it’s getting out of bed, switching tasks, or handling major life shifts like job changes or breakups—transitions can feel like full-body earthquakes that knock us off our axis.Join Carmen as she unpacks the neuroscience behind why transitions are so hard when you're wired with both ADHD and autism. From executive dysfunction to emotional dysregulation, sensory overload to task initiation paralysis—this episode breaks it all down with science, sarcasm, and soul.You’ll hear relatable anecdotes (including meltdowns over sock seams and hyperfocus hostage situations), insights from ADHD researchers and the ADHD Adults UK Podcast, and 10 practical tips to make transitions less chaotic and more compassionate.✨ If you’ve ever wondered why a “simple” change feels like a system shutdown—you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken.📚 Topics Covered:* Executive functions involved in transitions* Why AuDHD brains resist shifting gears* Emotional and sensory overwhelm* Tools, rituals, and scripts to ease transitions* How to support yourself with structure—not shame🎧 Press play, breathe deep, and let’s navigate the messy magic of change—together.@authenticallyadhd_podcastFollow me:Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

🎙️ Episode Title: Too Positive? Deep Dive on Toxic Positivity – Part 1 💥 Podcast: Authentically ADHD with CarmenEpisode Summary: In this powerful Part 1 episode, Carmen unpacks the surprisingly harmful impact of toxic positivity—that relentless “good vibes only” energy that floods our feeds and conversations but often leaves us feeling invalidated, misunderstood, or just plain unseen.We’re diving deep into what toxic positivity really is (spoiler: it’s not the same as genuine optimism), how it shows up in everyday life, and why it’s especially harmful for ADHD brains that already struggle with emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, and internalized shame.Carmen explores the science behind emotional suppression vs. expression, using insights from trauma-informed therapy, positive psychology, and mindfulness-based neuroscience to help explain how this "be happy no matter what" mindset actually increases stress, shame, and even physical health risks. Plus, she digs into how society, culture, and even the self-help world contribute to the rise of this positivity pressure—and why folks with ADHD often bear the brunt of it.👀 Expect real talk, research-backed breakdowns, and compassionate call-outs like:* 🚫 “Your feelings make me uncomfortable.”* 🚫 “Let’s spiritually bypass our way out of this.”* 🚫 “If you’re not smiling, you’re failing.”Whether you’ve been on the receiving end of these vibes, or accidentally sent them yourself (we all have!), this episode gives you the language, validation, and science to understand why it feels so wrong—and what to do about it.✨ Stick around for Part 2, where we’ll dive into actionable strategies to replace performative positivity with authentic, grounded emotional support—for yourself and others.@authenticallyadhd_podcastFollow me:Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

🎙️ Episode Title: ADHD & Energy Management: The Spoon Theory, Explained💥 Summary:In this episode of Authentically ADHD, we're digging deep into something that hits WAY too close to home for many of us: energy management. You know that frustrating gap between what you want to do and what your brain/body will actually let you do? Yeah, that.Enter: The Spoon Theory—a simple yet powerful metaphor that helps explain why ADHDers often feel completely wiped after doing things that seem “easy” to neurotypicals (like answering emails or… existing).We'll break down:* 🥄 What “spoons” actually are (and no, this isn’t about your silverware drawer)* ⚡ Why people with ADHD have an inconsistent energy battery and how that affects motivation, executive function, and emotional regulation* 🧠 The neuroscience behind burnout, decision fatigue, and overstimulation in ADHD brains* 🧃 How to create your own daily “spoon budget” to avoid crashing before noon* 🧰 Coping strategies to recharge your spoons, preserve your energy, and set boundaries without guiltExpect metaphors, real-life examples, sarcasm (obviously), and some truth bombs you didn’t know you needed. This is your permission slip to stop feeling lazy—and start honoring your unique brain-body energy loop.✨ Because you don’t lack willpower—you’re just out of spoons, babe. Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, host Carmen dives into the powerful productivity hack of body doubling – a strategy that can help ADHDers stay focused, overcome procrastination, and actually get stuff done. Body doubling isn’t just about sitting next to a friend while you work (though that definitely helps!); it’s about harnessing the presence of another person, tool, or environment to provide external structure and motivation for your ADHD brain.Carmen explores the science behind why body doubling works, focusing on the role dopamine plays in task initiation and focus. From in-person body doubling to virtual co-working sessions, group productivity, passive presence, and even using apps and timers, this episode covers multiple ways to implement body doubling in your life.Through personal anecdotes, actionable tips, and a deep dive into the neuroscience behind it all, Carmen offers listeners practical, creative ideas for incorporating body doubling into their daily routines. Whether you're struggling with that looming to-do list or just need a productivity boost, this episode will give you the tools you need to find your focus and crush those tasks with a little help from your "focus buddies."If you’ve ever found it hard to start or stick with a task, this episode is for you. Tune in and discover how body doubling can become your secret weapon in the battle against procrastination!Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with a friend who could use a productivity boost too!Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1Sources & Further Reading* Healthline – Body Doubling for ADHD: What Is It and How Does It Work?* PsychCentral – ADHD Body Doubling: What It Is and How It Works* Focusmate Blog – How a Body Double Can Help You Stay Productive and Accountable* Medical News Today – Body Doubling for ADHDFocusmate – Using Forest App for ADHD Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

BONUS EPISODE Back-to-School Brain: Why This Season Feels Like a Mental Marathon and 7 Strategies to Survive ItThe back-to-school season is here, and if you have ADHD (or love someone who does), you might already feel that familiar cocktail of excitement, dread, and complete mental overload. This isn’t just about buying supplies or setting the alarm earlier — for ADHD brains, this transition is a full-on neurobiological workout.In this bonus episode of Authentically ADHD, I’m breaking down exactly why the shift from summer to school hits us so hard and how you can navigate it without completely burning out.Why Back-to-School is Hard for ADHD BrainsResearch shows that ADHD impacts the brain’s executive function systems — the skills that help us plan, prioritize, and transition between tasks. Back-to-school season cranks up the demand on those systems and throws in:* New schedules that disrupt routines and sleep cycles* Sensory overload from noisy classrooms, bright lights, and bustling hallways* Social energy drain from navigating new people and group settings* Working memory strain from keeping track of deadlines, materials, and daily logisticsAdd in performance pressure and the emotional load of change, and no wonder we end up mentally fried before the first bell rings.The 7 Strategies to Survive (and Even Thrive)In this episode, I share seven ADHD-friendly, research-backed strategies that help ease the transition:* Front-Load Familiarity – Give your brain a preview to reduce uncertainty.* Build Transition Buffers – Allow downtime between tasks to recharge.* Externalize Everything – Use tools and visuals so your working memory doesn’t have to hold it all.* Prioritize Regulation Before Learning – Calm the nervous system first for better focus.* Pre-Pack and Stage – Reduce morning decision fatigue.* Use Environmental Cues – Let your surroundings help prompt action.* Compassion as a Strategy – Give yourself grace; the adjustment takes time.Key TakeawayBack-to-school isn’t just a change in location — it’s a neurological event for ADHD brains. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s creating systems and supports that work with your brain’s wiring, not against it.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the shift, this episode is your permission slip to slow down, simplify, and celebrate the small wins.🎧 Listen now: Authentically ADHD PodcastFollow on Instagram: @authenticallyadhd_podcast Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Ever found yourself blurting something out, making a random decision, or spiraling into shame after a hyperfocus bender — only to ask yourself later, “What was I even thinking?” You’re not broken — but you might be missing a critical executive function skill that ADHD brains often struggle with: metacognition.In this episode, we’re diving deep into the skill of “thinking about thinking” — what it is, why it’s often offline in ADHD brains, and how it affects everything from our relationships to our routines. You’ll learn how weak metacognition keeps us stuck in reactive loops, and why it's so hard to hit pause when our brains are wired for go-go-go.We’ll break down:* What metacognition actually is (with real-life ADHD examples)* Why the ADHD brain skips the self-reflection step entirely* The neuroscience of the prefrontal cortex and executive dysfunction* Why impulsive decisions and delayed regret are more about wiring than willpower* How to start training your internal coach instead of listening to your inner criticPlus, I’ll share 5 science-backed, ADHD-friendly strategies to strengthen your metacognitive muscle — no shame, no “just try harder,” and no 50-page bullet journal required.If you’ve ever looked back and wondered, “Why did I do that?” — this episode is for you.metacognition moment resource: https://www.canva.com/design/DAGrRQu7-6w/4_XASV7kxlDvciLgIc5PFA/view?utm_content=DAGrRQu7-6w&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=uniquelinks&utlId=hbd3d132f02Follow me:Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Summary: Ever feel like you're running late to your own life? Same. In this hilariously honest episode, Carmen dives headfirst into the whirlwind world of ADHD time anxiety — that all-too-familiar panic that shows up when a deadline is looming… or already passed. 🫠We explore why ADHD brains experience time differently, how "Now vs. Not Now" becomes our default scheduling system (thanks, executive dysfunction!), and why we’re constantly torn between hyperfocus and full-blown avoidance. Spoiler alert: it’s not laziness — it’s dopamine-driven chaos.But don't worry, it's not just a vent session. Carmen breaks down ten game-changing strategies for planning without panic — including flexible scheduling, intuitive planning, dopamine-friendly rewards, and structured spontaneity (yes, that’s a thing). You’ll walk away with a toolkit for managing your time your way — with compassion, humor, and a whole lot of “me too.”Whether you're a deadline daredevil, a professional procrastinator, or someone who just wants to stop time from feeling like a booby trap — this episode is for you.🔥 Topics Covered:* ADHD and the neuroscience of time blindness* Why the future feels fake until it’s on fire* How executive dysfunction messes with time perception* 10 ADHD-friendly strategies to reduce time-based anxiety* And yes, we talk about tacos.👂 Tune in for validation, laughs, and real tools to help you stop spiraling and start working with your brain (not against it). Let’s turn the clock into an ally, not the enemy.🕰️ Tag someone who lives in the “Now or Not Now” time zone and hit play!@authenticallyadhd_podcastFollow me:Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

ADHD & Self-Awareness: Understanding Your Unique BrainCarmen (voice-over): Hey everyone, it’s Carmen here from Authentically ADHD. Have you ever felt like you just don’t know yourself? Like your brain is a mystery you can’t solve? (I see your hand – yes, you too!) You’re not alone. Today we’re talking about ADHD and self-awareness – what that even means, why it’s so tricky for us ADHDers, and how to start building trust in ourselves anyway. We’ll go deep into the science, share real-life stories (hey, I’m no exception!), and even throw in a little humor – because sometimes laughing at our quirks is the best medicine.Quick overview: In this episode, I’ll explain why ADHD makes self-awareness hard (from executive functions to time blindness), how that struggle feels (frustration, self-doubt, and those emotional roller coasters), and then dive into practical strategies for building self-trust and insight. I’ll break it down into tips for teens and adults, since our brains and lives can be a bit different. Ready? Let’s go!Why ADHD Brains Struggle with Self-AwarenessFirst, let’s define what we mean by self-awareness. Simply put, it’s your ability to self-reflect, self-evaluate, and think about your own thinking. Think of it as the “brain’s mirror” – it lets you see your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts clearly, and learn from them. In psychology terms, it’s often called metacognition. Researchers note that self-awareness is a key executive function – basically one of our brain’s management skills. Unfortunately, ADHD often comes with executive function challenges, and yes, self-awareness is one of those tricky pieces.Dr. Russell Barkley, a leading ADHD researcher, actually puts it bluntly: ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation. We struggle to “adult” not because we’re lazy or bad, but because the brain skills that manage ourselves were delayed or impaired. In fact, Barkley’s team points out that ADHD involves deficits in things like self-restraint, self-awareness, self-control of emotion, and self-motivation. In other words, our internal “boss” is weaker. Kristen Carder – another expert and host of the I Have ADHD podcast – explains it simply: “ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation… we struggle to focus because our executive functions are deficient, and we can’t regulate ourselves properly.”.Let’s break down the key brain reasons behind this:Deficient Executive Functions (EFs): Executive functions are like the brain’s CEO, planning tasks and managing actions. In ADHD, these are on the lower side. One of the six main EFs is exactly self-awareness (along with inhibition, working memory, etc.). Because ADHDers often have impaired EFs, our ability to notice and reflect on ourselves is less mature. Barkley even describes ADHD as a sort of “self-regulation deficit disorder,” meaning most EF skills are lagging. This isn’t your fault – it’s how the ADHD brain developed.Weak Working Memory: Working memory is your mental scratchpad – it holds pieces of information so you can use them in the moment. With ADHD, working memory (especially visual/spatial memory) often underperforms. Kristen Carder highlights this: our working memory should help us understand where we are in time and space, but ADHD brains tend to live too much in the “right now”. We literally forget what just happened or where we put things in seconds! This weak working memory means we struggle to recall past actions or project future consequences – both of which are vital for self-awareness.Time Blindness: Related to working memory is a phenomenon you’ve probably heard: time blindness. Dr. Barkley calls ADHD a “nearsightedness to the future.” He explains that people with ADHD are great at the “now,” but tend to lose track of time and future planning. On a practical level, this means deadlines sneak up on us, and we hyperfocus on immediate tasks without realizing how long they take. As one occupational therapist blog put it, ADHD time blindness is a “consistent inability to stay aware of time and consider the future in the present moment”. If you feel like hours can vanish in a blink – like you just started watching Netflix and suddenly it’s midnight – that’s the classic ADHD time warp. Without a good sense of past vs. future, it’s tough to reflect on what really happened or plan for what will happen, hurting our self-awareness.Emotional & Cognitive Overload: Let’s not forget emotional regulation, a cousin to self-awareness. ADHD often comes with intense emotions. A study describes ADHDers having overactive amygdalas (emotion centers) and underactive frontal cortex (self-control center). The result? We feel things more strongly and have a harder time stepping back. When an emotional wave hits, self-reflection goes out the window. (Ever snapped at a loved one then immediately felt guilty but couldn’t explain why? Welcome to ADHD emotions.) When our emotions are surging and our working memory is full of racing thoughts, self-monitoring simply doesn’t happen. It’s like trying to inspect your car while it’s driving 100 mph – hard to do!To sum up: Our ADHD brains often have weaker mental checking-stations. We’re built to do (and do lots of things at once!), but not naturally built to watch ourselves doing it. This combination of EF deficits, fuzzy time perception, and big feelings makes self-awareness elusive. It’s not a character flaw – it’s brain wiring. And understanding this fact can be a huge relief. As Kristen Carder gently reminds us, “It’s not because you’re lazy or dumb, it’s because your executive function skills are deficient.”When Self-Awareness Lags: Frustration and Self-DoubtBecause of these brain differences, not being very self-aware in ADHD can lead to some painful and confusing feelings. Let’s be real: it’s frustrating. You make the same mistakes over and over (feeding the dog after work instead of before, again!), and you can’t put your finger on why. Kristen Carder admits that “making the same mistakes over and over… is in part because of lack of self-awareness”. You might constantly feel, “Why do I keep doing this?” and blame yourself for “not paying attention” or being “careless.”This frustration often spirals into self-doubt. If you’re always confused about how you ended up here, it’s easy to start thinking there’s something wrong with you. People with ADHD commonly internalize shame. Maybe your teacher said you were lazy, or your boss has yelled “just focus!” one too many times. Dr. Saline notes that ADHDers often have more self-criticism and have to work extra hard to develop metacognition. If you’ve tried and failed at organizing or remembering, you may feel like you should know better – even though, neuro-scientifically, your brain literally struggles in those areas.Worse, poor self-awareness can feed into emotional turmoil. The Verywell Mind article on ADHD emotional dysregulation points out that intense emotions and ADHD create “self-doubt and uncertainty surrounding your feelings.” Imagine overreacting to something small (a spilled coffee feels like the end of the world) and afterward thinking “Am I crazy? Why do I feel this strongly? Am I making too much out of nothing?” Your brain’s amygdala fires off a storm, and then your frontal lobe struggles to calm it. All this leads to a painful cycle: you feel overwhelmed, regret your reaction, then start doubting if your emotions were valid at all.On the flip side, others see you acting impulsive or scattered and often misinterpret you. They might label you “irresponsible” or “unmotivated,” which hurts. For example, in school a student with ADHD might frequently miss deadlines or seem to procrastinate, not because they don’t care, but because “they have difficulty estimating how much time has passed or how long a task will take”. Teachers sometimes think that’s willful misbehavior, not realizing it’s our brains. Or maybe friends get annoyed because you interrupt conversations (you had about a million ideas to share, didn’t you?), or your partner thinks you’re aloof when really you’re just lost in thought. The gap between the internal experience (“I’m overwhelmed and panicked!”) and the external behavior (“She doesn’t care”) is real, and that gap fuels frustration.In short, struggling with self-awareness often looks like: repeating mistakes, feeling confused and anxious about your own actions, and battling guilt or self-criticism when others misread your ADHD traits. It’s emotionally draining. But here’s the hopeful flip side: knowing the “why” can help you reframe these feelings. When you realize it’s ADHD wiring, you can start treating yourself with compassion instead of blame. Recognizing that your brain is just wired differently – not “wrong” – is the first big step to building trust in yourself.AD BREAKInside vs. Outside: Living with ADHD from Both SidesLet’s take a quick look at that inside/outside story. Internally, ADHD brains are a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Externally, people might see the aftermath and misunderstand it. Some examples:Inside (Internal Experience): You’re juggling thoughts about work deadlines, why your crush hasn’t texted back, the groceries you forgot, and that song stuck in your head. You feel an urge to do something about something but aren’t sure what. Maybe an emotion flares – frustration, excitement, anxiety – and your body reacts (heart races, hands fidget). Time feels like fluid: one minute into an activity, 5 minutes have passed; five minutes later, 2 hours have gone by. You might think, “I know I had an important task – what happened to that?!” or “I had a burst of creativity at 3 am – why couldn’t I use that during the day?”Outside (Behavior Others See): From the outside, that might look like you spaced out during a meeting, then suddenly snapped at a coworker. Or you were hyper-focused on organizing your bookshelves, only to snap back when someone asked where your homework is. Friends might say, “She was so quiet earlier, now she’s yelli

Welcome to another episode of Authentically ADHD! Today, we're diving into a topic close to many of our hearts: choosing a career that aligns with our ADHD strengths and passions.Navigating career paths can be overwhelming, especially with ADHD traits like creativity, hyperfocus, and unconventional thinking. We'll explore how these qualities can be superpowers in the right career.Join us as we discuss practical tips for:* Identifying Your Strengths: Understanding how ADHD traits like spontaneity, problem-solving skills, and hyperfocus can benefit specific career paths.* Exploring Interests: Strategies to explore diverse interests and passions effectively, ensuring your career reflects what truly energizes you.* Finding Structure: How to seek careers with flexibility and dynamic environments that accommodate ADHD needs while fostering growth.* Overcoming Challenges: Addressing common hurdles like time management, organization, and maintaining focus in a career setting.Whether you're reconsidering your current career path or embarking on a new journey, this episode will equip you with insights and strategies to navigate the world of work authentically, ADHD style!Article: Linktree:https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome or welcome back to Authentically ADHD, the podcast where we embrace the chaos and magic of the ADHD brain. Im carmen and today we're diving into a topic that's as complex as my filing system (which is to say, very): ADHD and its common co-occurring mood and learning disorders. Fasten your seatbelts (and if you're like me, try not to get distracted by the shiny window view) – we're talking anxiety, depression, OCD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and bipolar disorder, all hanging out with ADHD.Why cover this? Because ADHD rarely rides solo. In fact, research compiled by Dr. Russell Barkley finds that over 80% of children and adults with ADHD have at least one other psychiatric disorder, and more than half have two or more coexisting conditions. Two-thirds of folks with ADHD have at least one coexisting condition, and often the classic ADHD symptoms (you know, fidgeting, daydreaming, “Did I leave the stove on?” moments) can overshadow those other disorders. It’s like ADHD is the friend who talks so loud at the party that you don't notice the quieter buddies (like anxiety or dyslexia) tagging along in the background.But we’re going to notice them today. With a blend of humor, sass, and solid neuroscience (yes, we can be funny and scientific – ask me how I know!), we’ll explore how each of these conditions shows up alongside ADHD. We’ll talk about how they can be misdiagnosed or missed entirely, and—most importantly—we’ll dish out strategies to tell them apart and tackle both. Knowledge is power and self-awareness is the key, especially when it comes to untangling ADHD’s web of quirks and comrades in chaos. So, let’s get into it!ADHD and Anxiety: Double Trouble in OverdriveLet’s start with anxiety, ADHD’s frequent (and frantic) companion. Ever had your brain ping-pong between “I can’t focus on this work” and “I’m so worried I’ll mess it up”? That’s ADHD and anxiety playing tango in your head. It’s a double whammy: ADHD makes it hard to concentrate, and anxiety cranks up the worry about consequences. As one study notes, about 2 in 5 children with ADHD have significant problems with anxiety, and over half of adults with ADHD do as well. In other words, if you have ADHD and feel like a nervous wreck half the time, you’re not alone – you’re in very good (and jittery) company.ADHD and anxiety can look a lot alike on the surface. Both can make you restless, unfocused, and irritable. I mean, is it ADHD distractibility or am I just too busy worrying about everything to pay attention? (Hint: it can be both.) Especially for women, ADHD is often overlooked and mislabeled as anxiety. Picture a girl who can’t concentrate in class: if she’s constantly daydreaming and fidgety, one teacher calls it ADHD. Another sees a quiet, overwhelmed student and calls it anxiety. Same behavior, different labels. Women in particular have had their ADHD misdiagnosed as anxiety or mood issues for years, partly because anxious females tend to internalize symptoms (less hyperactive, more “worrier”), and that masks the ADHD beneath.So how do we tell ADHD and anxiety apart? One clue is where the distraction comes from. ADHD is like having 100 TV channels in your brain and someone else is holding the remote – your attention just flips on its own. Anxiety, on the other hand, is like one channel stuck on a horror movie; you can’t focus on other things because a worry (or ten) is running on repeat. An adult with ADHD might forget a work deadline because, well, ADHD. An adult with anxiety might miss the deadline because they were paralyzed worrying about being perfect. Both end up missing the deadline (relatable – ask me how I know), but for different reasons.Neuroscience is starting to unravel this knot. There’s evidence of a genetic link between ADHD and anxiety – the two often run in the family together. In brain studies, both conditions involve irregularities in the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s command center for focus and planning) and the limbic system (emotion center). Essentially, if your brain were a car, ADHD means the brakes (inhibition) are a bit loose, and anxiety means the alarm system is hyper-sensitive. Combine loose brakes with a blaring alarm and you get… well, us. Fun times, right?Here’s an interesting tidbit: Females with ADHD are more likely to report anxiety than males. Some experts think this is partly due to underdiagnosed ADHD – many girls grew up being told they were just “worrywarts” when in fact ADHD was lurking underneath, making everyday life more overwhelming and thus feeding anxiety. As Dr. Thomas Brown (a top ADHD expert) points out, emotional regulation difficulties (like chronic stress or worry) are characteristic of ADHD, even though they’re not in the official DSM checklist. Our ADHD brains can amplify emotions – so a normal worry for someone else becomes a five-alarm fire for us.Now, action time: How do we manage this dynamic duo? The first step is getting the right diagnosis. A clinician should untangle whether symptoms like trouble concentrating are from anxiety, ADHD, or both. They might ask: Have you always had concentration issues (pointing to ADHD), or did they start when your anxiety kicked into high gear? Also, consider context – ADHD symptoms occur in most settings (school, work, home), while pure anxiety might spike in specific situations (say, social anxiety in crowds, or panic attacks only under stress).Treatment has to tackle both. Therapy – especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – is a rockstar here. CBT can teach you skills to manage worry (hello, deep breathing and logical rebuttals to “what if” thoughts) and also help with ADHD organization hacks (like breaking tasks down, creating routines). Many find that medication is needed for one or both conditions. Stimulant meds (like methylphenidate or amphetamines) treat ADHD, but in someone with severe anxiety, a stimulant alone can sometimes ramp up the jitters. In fact, children (and adults) with ADHD + anxiety often don’t respond as well to ADHD meds unless the anxiety is also addressed. Doctors might add an SSRI or other anti-anxiety medication to the mix, or choose a non-stimulant ADHD med if stimulants prove too anxiety-provoking.Let me share a quick personal strategy (with a dash of humor): I have ADHD and anxiety, so my brain is basically an internet browser with 50 tabs open – and 10 of them are frozen on a spinning “wheel of doom” (those are the anxieties). One practical tip that helps me distinguish the two is to write down my racing thoughts. If I see worries like “I’ll probably get fired for sending that email typo” dominating the page, I know anxiety is flaring. If the page is blank because I got distracted after one sentence... well, hello ADHD! This silly little exercise helps me decide: do I need to do some calming techniques, or do I need to buckle down and use an ADHD strategy like the Pomodoro method? Try it out: Knowledge is power, and self-awareness is the key.Quick Tips – ADHD vs Anxiety: When in doubt, ask what’s driving the chaos.* Content of Thoughts: Racing mind full of specific worries (anxiety) vs. racing mind full of everything except what you want to focus on (ADHD).* Physical Symptoms: Anxiety often brings friends like sweaty palms, racing heart, and tummy trouble. ADHD’s restlessness isn’t usually accompanied by fear, just boredom or impulsivity.* Treatment Approaches: For co-occurring cases, consider therapy and possibly a combo of medications. Experts often treat the most impairing symptom first – if panic attacks keep you homebound, address that alongside ADHD. Conversely, untreated ADHD can actually fuel anxiety (ever notice how missing deadlines and forgetfulness make you more anxious? Ask me how I know!). A balanced plan might be, say, stimulant medication + talk therapy for anxiety, or an SSRI combined with ADHD coaching. Work closely with a professional to fine-tune this.Alright, take a breath (seriously, if you’ve been holding it – breathing is good!). We’ve tackled anxiety; now let’s talk about the dark cloud that can sometimes follow ADHD: depression.ADHD and Depression: When the Chaos Brings a CloudADHD is often associated with being energetic, spontaneous, even optimistic (“Sure, I can start a new project at 2 AM!”). So why do so many of us also struggle with depression? The reality is, living with unmanaged ADHD can be tough. Imagine years of what Dr. Russell Barkley calls “developmental delay” in executive function – always feeling one step behind in managing life, despite trying so hard. It’s no surprise that about 1 in 5 kids with ADHD also has a diagnosable depression, and studies show anywhere from 8% to 55% of adults with ADHD have experienced a depressive disorder in their lifetime. (Yes, that range is huge – it depends how you define “depression” – but even on the low end it’s a lot.) Dr. Barkley himself notes that roughly 25% of people with ADHD will develop significant depression by adulthood. In short, ADHD can come with a case of the blues (not the fun rhythm-and-blues kind, unfortunately).So what does ADHD + depression look like? Picture this: You’ve got a pile of unfinished projects, bills, laundry – the ADHD “trail of crumbs.” Initially, you shrug it off or maybe crack a joke (“organizational skills, who’s she?”). But over time, the failures and frustrations can chip away at your self-esteem. You start feeling helpless or hopeless: “Why bother trying if I’m just going to screw it up or forget again?” That right there is the voice of depression sneaking in. ADHD’s impulsivity might also lead to regrettable decisions or conflicts that you later brood over, another pathway to depressed mood.In fact, the Attention Deficit Disorder Association points out that ADHD’s impact on our lives – trouble with self-esteem, work or school difficulties, and strained relationships – can contribute to depression. It’s like a one-two punch: ADHD creates problems; those problems make you sad or defeated, wh

Authentically ADHD – ADHD, Alexithymia, and Anhedonia: Understanding Emotions and MotivationHello and welcome to Authentically ADHD! I’m Carmen, your host. Today, we’re diving into a topic that might hit very close to home for a lot of us: the confusing intersection of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia. Now, those are some big, clinical-sounding words – but don’t worry. We’re going to break them down in plain language and talk about how they can overlap in real life. If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I figure out what I’m feeling?” or “Why don’t I enjoy things the way I used to?”, or if you find yourself emotionally drained after a long day of masking your ADHD traits, then this episode is for you.In this 25–30 minute journey, we’ll mix a bit of neuroscience (in a friendly, non-intimidating way) with personal storytelling. I’ll share some of my own experiences, and we’ll explore what research says about why these experiences happen. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia really mean, why they often go hand-in-hand (especially in neurodivergent folks like us), and what we can do to cope and thrive. We’ll also bust some common myths and misunderstandings – including why these issues often get overlooked or dismissed, especially in women and people diagnosed later in life. And as always, we’ll wrap up with strategies and a big dose of validation and hope. So, get comfy (or start that task you’ve been putting off and take us along!), and let’s get started.Understanding ADHD, Alexithymia, and AnhedoniaBefore we delve into how these things intersect, let’s clearly define each of these terms. They each describe a different piece of the puzzle of our emotional and mental life. Understanding what they are will help us see how they connect. In a nutshell:ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder): ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention (difficulty focusing, forgetfulness), hyperactivity (restlessness, fidgeting), and impulsivity (acting without thinking) that interfere with daily functioningneurolaunch.com. In adults, ADHD can look like struggling to stay organized, constantly losing your keys, jumping from one idea to another, or even feeling emotionally impulsive. It’s not just “kids being hyper” – it’s a lifelong brain-based condition affecting how we concentrate, manage time, and regulate behavior and emotions.Alexithymia: Alexithymia is not a disorder but a personality trait or profile, often described as having difficulty identifying and describing your emotionsneurodivergentinsights.com. The word literally means “without words for emotion.” If you have alexithymia, you might feel strong emotions physically (like a racing heart or a knot in your stomach) but struggle to pinpoint what the emotion is (is it anxiety? anger? hunger?) and find words to express it. Alexithymia exists on a spectrum – some people have mild trouble with emotions, others have it to a more severe degreeneurodivergentinsights.com. It frequently co-occurs with neurodivergent conditions; in fact, research suggests that a significant subset of people with ADHD (estimates range from about 20% to over 40%) also have alexithymianeurodivergentinsights.combhcsmt.com. So, if you have ADHD and you’ve always felt “out of touch” with your emotions, alexithymia might be a concept that resonates with you.Anhedonia: Anhedonia means an inability or reduced ability to experience pleasure. It’s like the volume knob for enjoyment is turned way down. People with anhedonia struggle to feel joy or interest in activities that used to be fun or rewardingneurolaunch.com. This term is often discussed in the context of depression (since losing pleasure is a core symptom of depressive episodes), but it’s not exclusive to depression. As we’ll explore, anhedonia can also show up in ADHD. If you find that hobbies, socializing, or accomplishments don’t light you up the way they do for others (or the way they once did for you), anhedonia could be at play. It can feel like emotional flatness or being chronically “uninspired” – you want to want things, but the feeling isn’t there.Each of these three – ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia – is distinct. ADHD is an officially recognized neurodevelopmental condition affecting attention and self-regulation. Alexithymia is a descriptive trait about emotional awareness. Anhedonia is a symptom state of not experiencing pleasure. Yet, despite their differences, these experiences often overlap and tangle together, especially for neurodivergent individuals. When someone has ADHD, they’re more likely to also experience traits of alexithymianeurodivergentinsights.com, and they may be more prone to anhedonia or “low hedonic tone” (low baseline ability to feel reward) than the general populationen.wikipedia.org. Why is that? Let’s dig into the brain science to find out.The Neuroscience Behind the OverlapSo, why do ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia so often form a trio? To answer that, we need to talk about how our brains process emotions and rewards. Don’t worry – we’ll keep it conversational. Imagine your brain as an orchestra: different sections handle different parts of the music. When everything’s in tune, you get a harmonious experience of life – you feel emotions, you find joy in activities, you focus when you need to. With ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia, some sections of the orchestra are either playing off-key or playing too quietly to hear.One key player here is dopamine, a neurotransmitter often nicknamed the “reward chemical.” Dopamine is heavily involved in motivation, pleasure, and attention – basically the brain’s way of saying “Hey, this is important/fun, focus on this!” In ADHD brains, dopamine signaling doesn’t work typically; it can be underactive or dysregulatedneurolaunch.comneurolaunch.com. Think of it like a weak Wi-Fi signal in the reward circuits of the brain – messages about reward and pleasure just aren’t getting through fast or strong enough. Because of this, everyday tasks might not feel as rewarding to someone with ADHD as they do to someone without ADHD. Science actually shows that ADHD-related dopamine impairments can dysregulate the brain’s reward processing and lead to anhedonia (difficulty feeling pleasure) in some individualsen.wikipedia.org. In other words, the same brain chemistry quirk that makes it hard to concentrate can also turn down the volume on enjoyment and motivation.Now, what about alexithymia? While dopamine is more about the reward system, alexithymia has a lot to do with our brain’s emotional awareness and interoception (a fancy word for sensing the internal state of your body). Some researchers believe alexithymia is essentially a problem with how the brain’s insula and related regions process internal signalsbhcsmt.com. The insula is like the brain’s monitor for bodily and emotional sensations – it helps you notice a fast heartbeat and connect it to “I feel anxious,” for example. In alexithymia, that monitoring system might be glitchy. Emotions are still happening under the hood (we still produce the bodily reactions and basic emotional responses), but the translation of those signals into conscious awareness and labels doesn’t work well. It’s as if the brain doesn’t label the emotions correctly or at all. This is why someone with alexithymia can seem calm or unaffected externally while internally their heart is pounding – they truly might not recognize what they’re feeling, or they might just register a vague discomfort without an emotional label. Interestingly, alexithymia has been called a “disconnect between the emotional and thinking parts of the brain.” The emotional signals are there, but the cortex (thinking brain) can’t interpret them properly.So, how do these tie together? ADHD and alexithymia share some overlapping brain differences. For one, both are linked to difficulties in emotional regulation. ADHD isn’t just about attention – many experts now recognize that emotional impulsivity and difficulty regulating feelings are core aspects of ADHD for many peopleneurodivergentinsights.com. If you have ADHD, you might feel things more intensely but also more fleetingly, and you can struggle to manage those feelings (for example, quick frustration, or being easily hurt by criticism, then rapidly switching to another mood). Now add alexithymia into the mix: you have big emotions (possibly ADHD-related) but poor insight into them. That’s a challenging combo! In fact, having alexithymia can make it even harder for ADHDers to understand and regulate their emotional ups and downsneurodivergentinsights.comneurodivergentinsights.com. It’s like trying to drive a car with a super sensitive gas pedal (ADHD emotions) but a foggy windshield (alexithymia blocking your view of what’s happening inside you).Neuroscience also hints at other overlaps. Both ADHD and alexithymia have been associated with atypical functioning in the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s executive control center) and in connections between the cortex and deeper emotional brain regions. ADHD’s executive function challenges mean the brain can struggle to pause and reflect – which might also affect the ability to reflect on and name emotions. If you’re constantly chasing the next stimulus or fighting to focus, you might not have the bandwidth to analyze “What am I feeling right now?” Similarly, alexithymia may involve less activation or connectivity in areas that integrate bodily states into emotional awareness (like the anterior insula, for those who love brain specifics). There’s even some evidence pointing to dopamine’s role in emotional awareness: conditions with dopamine dysfunction (like Parkinson’s disease and yes, ADHD) show high rates of alexithymiabhcsmt.com. Fascinatingly, one study found that when ADHD patients with alexithymia were treated with stimulant medication (which boosts dopamine), their alexithymia scores im

Hey there, welcome back to Authentically ADHD! I'm so glad you pressed play on this episode today, because its on a topic that when I learned it, i found out it was the work i never knew i was missing and this skill has given me so much more access to my authentic self. Today, we're diving into a big, messy, important topic: self-trust – or as I like to call it, the tangled web of self-trust. Now, if you just chuckled nervously or sighed "ugh, self-trust...", you're in the right place. Stick around for the next 25 minutes, and we'll untangle this web together with a healthy dose of honesty, humor, and hope.Host (conversational): So, self-trust. Raise your hand if you've ever said something like, "I can't trust myself to do anything right!" (I'm raising mine high, by the way). Maybe you promised yourself you'd start that project well before the deadline, only to find yourself pulling an all-nighter again. Or you swore you'd not forget your friend's birthday this time, and then... whoops, you did – again. If any of this rings a bell, you are so not alone. In fact, one ADHD coach bluntly observed: "This is the truth about ADHD and self-trust: it doesn’t exist. ADHD adults don’t trust themselves at all. Our self-concept begins to erode pretty early in life". Ouch, right? That sounds harsh, but for many of us it feels true. Our confidence in ourselves got pretty banged up over the years.Host (relatable anecdote): I want to start with a little story here. Picture late-diagnosed me a few years back, before I knew I had ADHD. Every morning I'd pep-talk myself: "Today, I'm gonna get everything on my to-do list done. I got this." And every evening I'd go to bed thinking, "I screwed it up again. What is wrong with me?" I remember once triple-booking my Saturday because Past Me didn't trust Future Me to actually remember my plans – I figured at least one of those events I'd flake on, so better to have backups! 🤦‍♀️ Yeah... my self-trust was basically non-existent. And the less I trusted myself, the more anxious and overbooked I became. It's a vicious cycle.Host (upbeat): Well, friends, it's time to break that cycle. Today we'll cover a lot: We'll bust the common myths about self-trust (spoiler: it's not about being perfect). We'll define what real self-trust means – including a quote that changed the way I think about it. We'll explore why so many of us with ADHD struggle with self-trust (we'll dip into a little neuroscience and psychology, including some Internal Family Systems theory and insights from ADHD coach Kristen Carder). And of course, we'll get practical: I'll share 7 strategies – both practical hacks and mindset shifts – to help you rebuild your self-trust as an ADHD adult. Plus, I've got 7 reflection prompts for you, so you can dig into your own self-trust story after the episode. Sound good? Alright, let's jump in!The Myth of Self-Trust (Especially in ADHD)Host (slightly humorous): First, let's talk about what a lot of us think self-trust means. I used to imagine that “self-trust” was basically me turning into some magically responsible, never-make-a-mistake unicorn. Like, if I truly trusted myself, I’d do everything right – I'd make the perfect choices, follow through on all my plans flawlessly, and probably have alphabetized spice racks while I was at it. (Because obviously, trusted-self-me has it that together, right?)Host (empathetic): Turns out, this idea is everywhere. We ADHDers often define self-trust as “I believe I’ll do everything perfectly and stick to every commitment, no matter what.” In the words of ADHD coach Kristen Carder, usually we think “self-trust” means “I believe that all of my choices are going to be perfect, and I believe that I will follow through on everything I say I’m going to do”. Sound familiar? We basically equate trusting ourselves with never messing up. And if you're anything like me (or like most people, really), that bar is waaaay too high. No wonder we feel like we can't trust ourselves – by that definition, nobody on the planet could!Host (reassuring): So let's bust that myth right now. Self-trust is NOT "I trust myself to always do the right thing and be perfect and follow through 100%." Nope. That common misconception is a recipe for self-loathing, especially for those of us with ADHD who might leave a trail of unfinished projects and oopsies in our wake. If you've been thinking, "I can't trust myself because I keep dropping the ball," you're operating under the wrong definition of self-trust. And it's time to rewrite that definition.What Is Real Self-Trust? (Redefining It)Host (inviting): Okay, so if self-trust isn't about perfection, what is it about? I am so glad you asked. This redefinition was a game-changer for me, and I want to share it with you.(slight pause for effect)One of my favorite quotes on this comes again from Kristen Carder, who reframed it beautifully. She explains that real self-trust sounds more like this: “Self-trust is not ‘I trust myself to do the right thing and follow through and be perfect.’ Self-trust is, ‘I believe that my experience is real and valid. I know that I will take care of myself in this process. I will figure out how to move forward no matter what.’”. Let that sink in for a second.Host (encouraging): Did you catch the difference? Instead of trusting yourself to be perfect, it's about trusting yourself to handle it when things aren't perfect. It's saying: I trust that my feelings and needs are valid (even if others have dismissed them before). I trust that I'll be there for me – that I'll have my own back. And I trust that no matter what happens, I can find a way to move forward. Whew! To me, that sounds so much kinder and more realistic. Doesn't it? Honestly, when I first heard that, I was like: Yes, I want that! I want to feel that solid in myself, even when life is messy.Host (light humor): Think of it this way: trusting yourself isn’t about believing you'll never leave the house with your shirt on backwards (because let’s face it, on some rushed morning, you probably will 😅). It's about knowing that if you do walk out with a wardrobe malfunction, you're not going to beat yourself up all day – you'll laugh it off, maybe ask a friend for a hoodie, and keep going. Real self-trust is believing you can handle it. You can handle you – with all your ADHD quirks and brilliant chaos.Host (affirming): So, quick recap: Self-trust ≠ perfection. Self-trust = knowing you’ll take care of yourself, come what may. It’s an inner confidence that your experience matters and you’ll figure things out eventually. That’s the foundation we’re trying to build.How Self-Trust Develops (or Doesn’t) – A Childhood StoryHost (reflective): Now that we know what self-trust really means, a question might be popping up: why don’t we already have it? Where did things go sideways? To answer that, we need to take a quick trip back in time – back to childhood and those awkward teenage years (yes, we're going there). Don't worry, we won't stay too long in the past, but it's important to understand how self-trust is supposed to develop.Host (explaining): Psychologists say that self-trust is a developmental process. Ideally, it starts when we’re little. Think about it: as kids, we’re naturally looking to our caregivers (parents, teachers, etc.) to figure out if the world is safe and if we are okay. If those caregivers consistently validate our feelings and needs, allow us some autonomy (like letting us try things on our own), and support us in failures without shame, we start to build this internal sense that "hey, my feelings are real, I can rely on myself, I'm capable." According to research, caregivers who validate a child’s emotions and perceptions, help them build autonomy, and encourage resilience (without shaming mistakes) are effectively building that child’s self-trust. It’s like laying down the bricks of a sturdy self-esteem. Each time your experience is honored – "Yes, I hear you're upset" or "I believe you when you say you're trying" – another brick gets laid. Over childhood and adolescence, those bricks (ideally) stack up into a solid platform of I trust myself.Host (empathetic): But what if those bricks didn’t get laid properly? 🧱 What if, instead of validation and support, you got criticism, invalidation, or excessive control? That’s the reality for a lot of ADHD kids. In fact, research shows that children with ADHD often face more trauma, excessive criticism, and attacks on their self-esteem than their neurotypical peers. (I know “trauma” is a big word, but even "little t" traumas – like constantly being scolded or feeling not good enough – can seriously hurt a kid’s self-image.) If you grew up hearing "Why are you so lazy? Why can’t you just behave?!" or always feeling like the problem child, then your self-trust was likely chipped away instead of built up. Instead of bricks, you got… well, cracks.Host (sharing): Let me share another personal example. When I was about 10, my mind was always drifting—daydreaming about anything and everything instead of paying attention. One day, my teacher literally had to slam her desk so hard to snap me out of my wandering thoughts that my books rattled across the room. Kids gasped, and I jolted upright, blinking at everyone staring at me. After that, she’d call me out in front of the class: “Earth to Carmen—hello?” As if I was choosing to float off into space. I felt those eyes zero in on me, and I just sank lower in my seat. The unspoken message I absorbed was, “You’re so spaced out, nobody can count on you.” Looking back, I see I was an undiagnosed ADHD kid—my brain genuinely struggled to stay grounded, not me being a daydreaming troublemaker. But no one said, “Hey, I know you’re trying. Let’s find a strategy to help you focus.” Instead, I got embarrassment and shame. And shame is like acid to self-trust—it corrodes it fast.Host (normalizing): Maybe you can relate to some version of this. Many of us entered adul

In this deep-dive episode, Carmen explores the constant inner conflict many adults with ADHD experience—what psychology calls cognitive dissonance. It's that mental tug-of-war between what we intend to do and what we actually do, often amplified in ADHD brains due to emotional dysregulation, executive dysfunction, masking, and rejection sensitivity.Using real-life examples, neuroscience, and humor (because healing doesn’t have to be boring), Carmen unpacks why ADHD brains are particularly vulnerable to these internal battles—and why it’s not laziness but wiring.🧠 Listeners learn how ADHD impacts conflict detection in the brain, how people-pleasing and overcommitment fuel identity confusion, and why masking can lead to a fractured sense of self.🧰 From Chaos to Clarity: 5 Science-Backed StrategiesTo turn the inner war into teamwork, Carmen shares five practical tools:* Journaling – Externalize the chaos and gain insight into internal conflicts.* Visualization – Mentally rehearse success and reduce anxiety about feared outcomes.* Mindfulness – Train your attention and regulate emotional storms in real time.* Values Clarification – Anchor decisions to your personal compass, not “shoulds.”* Flexible Planning – Plan with grace, not rigidity, to accommodate ADHD’s unpredictability.💡 Takeaway Message:You’re not “too much” or “not enough”—you’re wired differently, and that wiring explains the dissonance. But with the right tools and some self-compassion (backed by neuroscience!), you can stop feeling at war with yourself and start collaborating with your brain. Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

ADHD and Procrastination: Understanding the Cycle and Breaking FreeIn this episode of Authentically ADHD, we dive deep into the relationship between ADHD and procrastination. For many with ADHD, procrastination isn't just about poor time management—it's a complex cycle rooted in the brain's executive function challenges. We explore how time blindness, distractibility, emotional dysregulation, and dopamine dysregulation contribute to the procrastination loop.From the initial delay and avoidance to the frantic last-minute rush, we break down the stages of procrastination and how ADHD traits like impulsivity and hyperfocus both complicate the process.We also uncover the neuroscience behind procrastination, offering a look at how executive function deficits and imbalanced dopamine levels make starting and completing tasks feel like an uphill battle.Most importantly, we share actionable strategies to break free from the cycle. Learn how to chunk tasks, create structured routines, and use external reminders to regain control. We also highlight the power of rewards, accountability systems, and mindfulness in overcoming procrastination and boosting motivation.By understanding the ADHD brain's unique wiring, we can take practical steps to manage procrastination and start tackling our goals with greater ease and confidence.Procrastination Guide: https://www.canva.com/design/DAGpNNJZHfA/XPs2-vJCwam6wFI0dW4z1w/view?utm_content=DAGpNNJZHfA&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=uniquelinks&utlId=h330879e0a9Follow me:Linktree: https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Published through Substack | Available on all platformsHey ADHDers—ever canceled plans because your brain gave you a headache? (Yeah, same.)In this BONUS episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen—your coach, teacher, and fellow neurospicy human—dives headfirst into the wild connection between ADHD and headaches. Spoiler alert: It’s not all in your head… unless we’re talking about dopamine dysfunction, sensory overload, and sleep-deprived executive dysfunction (in which case, it absolutely is).🔬 What’s inside:* Why ADHDers are twice as likely to struggle with migraines and tension headaches* The brain science behind dopamine, pain regulation, and that charming trifecta of stress, sensory chaos, and sleep struggles* How cognitive overload + emotional dysregulation = a literal pain in the head* Comorbid conditions like anxiety and depression that sneak in and amplify the problem* Real-life examples from coaching clients (and Carmen’s Target meltdown over deodorant)🧠 PLUS: 3 Practical, Science-Backed Strategies to Beat the Brainache* Regulate your sensory environment like a damn pro* Make sleep your superpower (seriously—bedtime is sacred)* Master the micro-reset: because waiting until you're fried is a trap✨ Whether you're in the middle of a migraine or just tired of your brain's drama, this episode gives you the tools, neuroscience, and validation you’ve been craving.🔁 Listen, laugh, learn—and maybe cancel one less plan this week.https://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceJoin Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1 Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen peels back the curtain on Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome (CDS)—sometimes called Sluggish Cognitive Tempo—to reveal why so many of us with ADHD feel stuck in a fog of daydreams, slow processing, and low energy. After a quick, relatable anecdote about spacing out in a meeting (and the panic that follows), we dive into what CDS actually is: a cluster of symptoms that overlaps with ADHD but isn’t the same thing. You’ll learn how CDS shows up differently than classic inattentive ADHD—think mental “brakes,” mind-wandering marathons, and that overwhelming sense that your brain is running underwater.Next, we explore how CDS can silently sabotage work, relationships, and self-esteem. Carmen shares listener stories—like the person who’s constantly five steps behind in conversations or the professional whose “slow load time” makes presentations feel like climbing Everest. We unpack the neuroscience in digestible terms: what brain networks are under-activated, how dopamine dysregulation plays a role, and why meds that help “hyperactive” ADHD often fall short for CDS symptoms.Finally, we shift to practical strategies. You’ll walk away with at least three tangible tools to test—everything from micro-bursts of movement to reframing your to-do list in ultra-small steps and scheduling “CDS-friendly breaks” before burnout sets in. By the end, you’ll understand that those moments of mental fog aren’t personal failings but part of a hidden ADHD subprofile—and you’ll have a roadmap for bringing more focus, energy, and self-compassion into your lifeShow Notes: IntroductionHello and welcome! Today, we’re diving into a fascinating and often underrecognized topic: Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome, or CDS. If that name doesn’t ring a bell, maybe its older label will — Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. (Yeah, I know, it sounds like an insult you’d hurl at a slow computer.) In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what CDS really is, why it’s not just “laziness” or ordinary daydreaming, and why experts say it deserves far more attention than it gets.Hook: Ever feel like your brain is running on dial-up internet in a high-speed world? You’re trying to focus, but it’s like there’s a fog inside your head, and everything is moving in slow motion. Your thoughts wander off like they’ve got a mind of their own, and snapping back to reality is a bit like wading through molasses. If you’re nodding along (or if someone you know comes to mind), you might be familiar with what we’re talking about. And if you have ADHD or work with folks who do, you might have seen hints of this “slow-mo” attention state that often hides in plain sight.In this 25-30 minute episode, we’ll cover: what exactly Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome is and its key symptoms (in plain, relatable language), how it overlaps with but isn’t the same as ADHD, why it often gets misdiagnosed as something else (like depression or anxiety), and some practical, real-world tips for managing it. All of that with a professional tone and a little bit of sass — because learning should be engaging, right? So grab a coffee (you might need it for this topic!), and let’s get started.What Is Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome (CDS)?All right, first things first: what on Earth is Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome? In a nutshell, CDS is a term that describes a unique set of attention symptoms — think of it as a “cousin” to ADHD, but with its own personality. It used to be known as “Sluggish Cognitive Tempo,” which frankly sounds like your brain is a slow turtle. No surprise, experts decided to rebrand it to something less snarky and more accurateen.wikipedia.orgmedvidi.com. Now we call it Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome, highlighting how the mind can seem to disengage from the task at hand.So what does CDS look like? Picture a person (child or adult) who is constantly drifting off into their own world. We’re talking excessive daydreaming, blank staring, zoning out as if the lights are on but nobody’s homeadditudemag.com. Their mind wanders like it’s on an aimless road trip. They might appear mentally foggy, sluggish in their movements or thinking, and often slow to respond to what’s happening around themedgefoundation.org. Folks with CDS often seem underactive – the opposite of hyperactive – and may be described as lethargic or low energy. You might notice them blinking awake as if they were literally about to nod off, even during activities that aren’t boring for everyone else. In short, their alertness is inconsistent: one moment they’re tuned in, but the next they’ve drifted away on a cloud of thoughtsedgefoundation.org.Another hallmark is being easily confused or mentally “fogged.” It’s not that they can’t understand things, but their processing speed is slow. Imagine trying to stream a video with a weak Wi-Fi signal – the content eventually comes through, but it lags. Similarly, a person with CDS might take longer to process information or retrieve memories, leading them to lose their train of thought oftenen.wikipedia.org. They might say, “Wait, what was I doing?” more times a day than they’d like.And here’s a term researchers use that really nails it: being “internally distracted.” With classic ADHD, people are often pulled by external distractions (every noise, sight, or squirrel outside the window steals their attention). But with CDS, the distraction is coming from inside their own mind – an internal daydream or just a blank fog that is surprisingly hard to shakechadd.org. It’s like their mind’s “attention switch” is set to the off position when it should be on. They may appear withdrawn or apathetic, not because they don’t care, but because their brain isn’t fully engaging with what’s in front of iten.wikipedia.org. This has led others to mislabel them as “lazy” or “not trying hard enough,” which is pretty unfair. In reality, CDS is a genuine attentional problem – one that’s different from typical ADHD and definitely not a character flawpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.Let me give you a relatable example: Think about those mornings when you just can’t wake up, and you stumble around in a coffee-deprived haze. You pour orange juice into your coffee mug and put your car keys in the fridge – your brain just isn’t firing on all cylinders. That’s a bit what CDS feels like all day long for some people. They’re awake, but there’s a persistent grogginess or dreaminess that makes every mental task feel like lifting weights in Jell-O.Now, you might be wondering how common this is. Research suggests that CDS symptoms are not rare at all. In fact, it’s estimated that a significant chunk of people with ADHD – up to 40% of kids, by some estimates – also experience these CDS-type symptomsadditudemag.com. And it’s not just in kids. Adults can have CDS as well (even if they never knew it had a name). It’s been observed in roughly one-third of adults diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, for exampleedgefoundation.org. There are even cases of people who only have CDS without the more classic ADHD traits – they might have gone through life just labeled as the “spacey” or quiet ones.One important note: CDS is not officially listed as a diagnosis in the DSM-5, the big manual of mental disordersadditudemag.com. That means your doctor won’t find “Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome” as a formal label to bill your insurance. But don’t let that fool you into thinking it’s not real. The concept has been studied by psychologists for decades, and there’s a consensus in recent research that these symptoms cluster together in a meaningful wayadditudemag.compubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. In other words, something is going on here beyond just normal variation in attention. So even if it’s not an official diagnosis yet, many clinicians recognize CDS (or SCT) as a very useful description for patients who have this particular profile.To summarize this segment: CDS, formerly known as sluggish cognitive tempo, refers to a pattern of chronic daydreaming, mental fog, slow processing, and low initiative that can seriously affect daily life. It’s like the brain’s engine is always idling in neutral – not because the person is willfully tuning out, but because their brain’s ability to engage is, for lack of a better word, sluggish. Now that we know what it is, let’s talk about how this compares to a condition you’ve definitely heard of: ADHD.How Does CDS Overlap with and Differ from ADHD?If you listened to that description of CDS and thought, “Hmm, some of that sounds like ADHD,” you’re absolutely right. CDS has a lot of overlap with ADHD, especially the inattentive type. Both involve problems with attention, forgetfulness, and maybe looking off into space when you’re supposed to be working. In fact, for years CDS (back when it was called SCT) was thought of as possibly just a subtype of ADHD. Many people with ADHD do have some CDS symptoms and vice versaedgefoundation.org. But here’s the kicker: modern research indicates that CDS and ADHD aren’t identical – they’re more like siblings than twinsen.wikipedia.org. They share some DNA, but each has its own quirks.Let’s start with the obvious difference: hyperactivity (or rather, the lack of it). ADHD famously often comes with hyperactivity and impulsivity (at least in the combined or hyperactive-impulsive presentations). Those are the folks who are fidgeting, tapping, jumping out of their seats, acting on impulse – their internal motor runs fast. In contrast, people with pure CDS are the polar opposite of hyperactive. Remember, another term for this was “sluggish” cognitive tempo. Instead of bouncing off the walls, someone with CDS might be melting into the wall, so to speak – quiet, slow-moving, and passiveen.wikipedia.org. They’re not blurting out answers in class; they’re the ones who may not answer even when you call on them, because their mind was elsewhere. One researcher humorously noted it’s like comparing a race car (ADHD) to a slow cruiser (CDS) – on

Picture this: You’re on the wildest roller coaster of your life – dizzying highs, sudden drops, and your heart racing. For many of us with ADHD, early romance can feel exactly like that. Our brains light up with excitement and novelty, but those same traits that make us passionate can also leave us vulnerable to toxic relationships. Research shows that adults with ADHD often report childhood trauma and have brains that crave dopamine in high doses. That means the drama of a turbulent partner might feel familiar or even thrilling. As Dr. Gabor Maté puts it, people unconsciously “choose each other with an unerring instinct” for partners who mirror their own unresolved anxieties and pain. In plain terms, ADHD traits plus past stresses can set us up for danger if we’re not careful. Today on Authentically ADHD, we’re peeling back the curtain on why ADHD brains are wired to overlook red flags, and how to recognize and escape toxic dynamics – with a dose of neuroscience, expert insight, and real talk.Impulsivity & Novelty-SeekingFor someone with ADHD, new romance can be intoxicating. We crave excitement, and a high-energy partner often delivers. As ADHD experts explain, ADHD often means higher impulsivity and constant novelty-seeking. In one study’s key takeaways, ADHD “can cause increased impulsivity and novelty-seeking behavior — like constantly looking for new and exciting experiences”. In practice, that means you might rush headlong into a relationship without waiting to see the red flags. Dr. Edward Hallowell famously described how a person with ADHD “seldom feels bored”, instantly switching to something new at the first hint of dullness. When a toxic partner offers a rush of drama – extreme highs like bombarding you with affection (love-bombing), followed by sharp criticisms – your ADHD brain gets dopamine hits at every twist and turn. Those dopamine spikes can feel like love, making chaos seem exciting instead of dangerous.For example, imagine texting back instantly without thinking, even when something feels off. Or jumping into serious commitments with someone who’s shown controlling behaviors, simply because the initial chemistry is overwhelming. That’s ADHD impulsivity and thrill-seeking at work. We’re more likely to mistake high drama for passion. But remember: healthy relationships can be dynamic too, with steady excitement that builds trust, not tension. As one ADDitude expert notes, treating your ADHD through therapy, medication, or coaching can diminish the craving for those unhealthy dopamine hits, helping you choose more stable love over wild rides.Hyperfocus on the Wrong PartnersIt’s no secret: we can intensely fixate on a new crush. In ADHD terms, this is hyperfocus – pouring all our attention into one person. Early in romance, that means calling, texting, planning every detail together in a way that feels magical. But there’s a catch. As ADDitude editors point out, people with ADHD “feel emotions intensely and might hyperfocus on their partner, especially at the outset of a new, exciting relationship”. In practice, we hang on every word they say, overlook snide comments, and rewrite our own friend’s concerns as jealousy or misunderstanding.For instance, imagine the first few weeks with a new partner: your ADHD brain is 100% engaged. They text, you reply lightning-fast. They cancel plans unexpectedly, and you shrug it off because you’re so grateful to have their attention at all. That hyperfocus can blind us to manipulation. We might stay up all night chatting about their life story – even the parts that don’t add up – or excuse their mood swings because we’re convinced this time they really get us. In short, hyperfocus makes us all in right away. Unfortunately, that’s exactly when a toxic partner is most charming. The downside: once the infatuation fades, the problems you missed can hit hard.Emotional Dysregulation & RSDIf romance hits a rough patch, ADHD brains react strongly. Many of us experience big emotions and mood swings that non-ADHD folks don’t. This is by no accident: researchers like Dr. Russell Barkley show that emotional impulsiveness and deficient emotional self-regulation (DESR) are integral to ADHD. In plain terms, we can swing from zero to a hundred easily. One ADHD expert put it simply: many adults with ADHD “experience big emotions, and such intense emotions can easily destabilize even the strongest partnerships”. You might cry for hours over a forgotten text, or erupt in anger if you feel left out.On top of that, ADHD comes with something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). RSD means we feel rejection or criticism as emotional pain so intense it’s almost physical. Even a partner’s mild critique might feel like a punch to the gut. Picture this: your partner says, “Maybe you should try to be on time,” and suddenly you’re convinced they’re plotting to dump you. That fear triggers panic; you obsess over what you did wrong all night. RSD can make us paranoid about losing someone, even if they haven’t shown real signs of leaving. As one therapist explains, this leads some of us to overreact or interpret neutral acts as intentional hurt.The result? Emotional turmoil in the relationship. You may push back fiercely, cry uncontrollably, or withdraw completely, depending on the day. A toxic partner often intentionally amplifies this – a small critique from them can send you spiraling, which they then dismiss as irrational. Meanwhile, your inability to regulate means you keep doing exactly what angers you or makes you sad. Over time, the ups and downs can leave you feeling drained and doubting your sanity.Next up we are talking Boundaries, low self trust, fear of abandonment & misinterpreting social cues and of course some tips on how to spot the red flags and feel more empowered, but first a word from our sponsors….********************course AD, patreon & FOCUSED **************Executive Dysfunction and BoundariesAnother ADHD truth: our executive functioning – planning, organizing, self-control – can be a major challenge. In relationships, this often shows up as forgiving and forgetting where we shouldn’t. We struggle to keep track of agreed boundaries. If our partner sets a rule and then crosses it, we might not recall our agreement clearly, or our impulsivity makes us give in. We might be hyper-organized about work but completely miss that we promised to stay home for the night.According to relationship researchers, the ADHD symptoms that commonly impact love include inattention, forgetfulness, impulsivity, and disorganization. These can make our partners feel like we’re unreliable or distracted (even if we aren’t trying to be). For example, you might forget to call back, miss important dates, or say something impulsive without meaning to. In a toxic dynamic, an abusive partner may use this “flakiness” as more fodder: “You never care!” they might snap, and you believe it. If you’ve already agreed on a boundary, then your executive funk sets in, you slip, and they use that slip-up against you.Imagine a scenario: Your partner says you’re not allowed to have certain friends, but because you forgot the rule, you slip into a group chat. They find out and accuse you of betrayal. You try to organize a simple date night to save the peace, but you overcommit and then drop the ball. Each mistake feeds into a narrative that you are the unreliable one. In reality, ADHD makes it hard to maintain consistency, and a toxic partner will exploit every mix-up.Low Self-Trust and Fear of AbandonmentAfter so many mistakes and misunderstandings, our self-trust can plummet. We start to doubt our instincts. If every relationship feels doomed or everyone seems angry at us, we might think “There must be something wrong with me.” That’s a dangerous trap. People with ADHD often develop a deep-seated fear of abandonment – a terror that if we speak up or leave, we really will end up alone. This fear is fueled by a history of feeling rejected or criticized (or even trauma) early in life.Dr. Maté’s insight is revealing here: “Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions…”. In other words, we often (unconsciously) pick partners who resonate with our own pain. If you grew up feeling dismissed or unsafe, you might be drawn to someone who keeps you just anxious enough to feel something. Once in that relationship, the fear of losing them can become paralyzing. You worry that no one else would put up with you, so you stay and ignore the issues. This matches what many therapists see: ADHDers, already vulnerable after feeling misunderstood for years, often fear that demanding respect means losing love.On top of that, people with ADHD frequently have low self-esteem because of a lifetime of “you’re late, you forgot, you didn’t finish.” Dr. Ari Tuckman and others note that ADHD can come hand-in-hand with low confidence and negative self-talk. When that combines with RSD, any threat of breakup feels like confirmation that we’re worthless. A toxic partner can pick up on this. They may say, “If you left, you’d be alone forever,” or even gaslight you into thinking you are the problem. We’re vulnerable to believing them.Misreading Manipulation & Social CuesHere’s another twist: ADHD can make social cues tricky. Many of us are extremely empathetic and assume people are good. At the same time, we can be so distracted that subtle manipulations fly under our radar. A partner might gaslight (“You imagined that, I never said that”) or shift blame, and we might miss or excuse it. We might rationalize their behavior (“He’s just stressed”) when an outsider sees it’s abuse. Sadly, this combination – empathy plus distractibility – can make us targets for manipulation. A toxic partner counts on us missing their red flags, and often we do.For example, if they love-bomb you (“You’re perfect!”) one day and s

Today, we’re diving into the world of AuDHD – a unique neurotype that combines both Autism and ADHD. This blog post will unpack why your brain might feel sluggish, how overstimulation can quickly spiral, and how sensory overload interferes with communication. We’ll also take a closer look at Polyvagal Theory, a scientific concept that explains how your body reacts to stress – and why that reaction feels so intense for those of us with AuDHD. And don’t worry – we’ll finish things off with practical strategies to manage sensory overload, all backed by research and neuroscience.Processing Speed in AuDHD: Slowed But Not StoppedLet’s kick things off with processing speed – the ability to take in information, understand it, and respond. For those with AuDHD, this doesn’t always happen at lightning speed.Autistic processing speed: Many autistic individuals describe their thoughts as moving through molasses, not because they're slow, but because every detail stands out. In fact, research shows that autistic adults consistently perform slower on cognitive tasks, such as symbol search or coding tasks, than their neurotypical peers. This isn’t about intelligence – it’s about how your brain allocates attention. When the brain is processing a million sensory details, it has fewer resources to devote to thinking and responding.ADHD processing speed: ADHD adds another layer. People with ADHD often experience something called "sluggish cognitive tempo," meaning their minds wander, feel foggy, and take longer to complete tasks. This is especially true when there are multiple steps or a need for quick reactions. ADHD brains struggle to process quickly when distracted by the world around them.When you combine autism and ADHD – AuDHD – the challenges multiply. An AuDHD brain might analyze one piece of a problem deeply (a strength), but then struggle to move on to the next step. Or you may find yourself mentally fatigued after filtering distractions for just a few minutes. The result? Mental fatigue and frustration. Think of trying to work on a puzzle while the TV is blaring, someone’s talking to you, and the dog is barking. Your brain is juggling too much, so everything takes longer.The takeaway: Processing speed can feel slow in AuDHD, but it’s not about being “slow” – it’s about the brain working harder to process sensory information and complete tasks.Sensory Overload: Why Everything Feels Like Too MuchNext, let’s talk about sensory overload. For many people with AuDHD, everyday environments can quickly become overwhelming. The world feels too loud, too bright, and too busy.Research points to sensory gating – the brain's ability to filter out irrelevant stimuli. In neurotypical brains, unnecessary sensory input (like background noise) is ignored. But in autism, there’s a deficit in sensory gating, meaning the brain fails to filter out irrelevant or background stimuli. Sounds that others don’t notice – the ticking of a clock, the hum of a fluorescent light – feel like they’re blaring in your ears.On the ADHD side, things are no better. ADHD brains are bombarded by all sensory input because they have trouble filtering distractions. If you imagine your brain as a radio, a neurotypical brain might tune in to one station and block out static. An ADHD brain often has many stations playing at once – all competing for attention.Put both neurotypes together, and you get sensory overload. A gentle hum becomes unbearable, bright lights become blinding, and even the smallest sensory details can cause distress. The result? Overstimulation. One person with AuDHD might describe it as, “The world is speaking all at once, and I can’t make it stop.” This overload can trigger panic or anxiety – even if there’s no real threat.Story: The Café OverloadImagine this: Alex, who has AuDHD, goes to a coffee shop with a friend. There’s music playing, espresso machines whirring, people chatting, and flickering candles. For most people, these sounds might blend into the background. But for Alex, every sound and sight hits like a drum. The coffee grinder is unbearably loud. The flickering lights are dizzying. Even the wallpaper feels like it’s spinning.Alex starts to feel overwhelmed. Heart racing. Ears ringing. Brain foggy. They’re no longer able to focus on the conversation, and they don’t have the mental energy to process the noise and the people. This is sensory overload in action: everything becomes too much, and Alex’s brain simply shuts down.The body’s autonomic nervous system (ANS) – our stress response system – kicks in, signaling that something is wrong. Even though Alex is safe, the body’s reaction is the same as if they were in danger. This leads us to Polyvagal Theory.Communication Challenges During Sensory OverloadSo, what happens when we try to communicate under these conditions? If your brain is overwhelmed with sensory input, there’s little energy left for understanding language or speaking. Verbal processing becomes nearly impossible. You might hear your name being called, but you don’t register it because your brain is busy filtering out all the noise around you.Research on autism shows that even when a person hears their name in a noisy environment, their brain may not respond, especially if they have limited verbal ability. For someone with AuDHD, ADHD makes it even harder to focus on the conversation when distractions are everywhere. So, you might be physically present in a conversation, but your attention is being hijacked by the flickering light or the pattern on the wall. Suddenly, the words don’t make sense, and the world feels fuzzy.Autism Speaks describes this as a “shutdown” – when your brain stops processing speech and communication because it’s too busy trying to manage sensory overload. For many, this results in dissociation: feeling out of touch, like you’re not part of the conversation.In short: Communication suffers during sensory overload. It’s not laziness or avoidance – it’s your neurobiology at work. The brain simply doesn’t have the resources to handle multiple sensory inputs at once.The Nervous System and Polyvagal TheoryLet’s take a closer look at Polyvagal Theory, a concept developed by Dr. Stephen Porges. This theory helps explain why sensory overload leads to shutdown or panic.The theory identifies three states your body can be in:Ventral Vagal State (Safe/Social): This is when your body feels calm and connected. When this system is activated, your heart rate and breathing are steady, and communication happens easily.Sympathetic State (Fight/Flight): When a threat is detected (even something as small as a loud noise), the body shifts into “fight or flight” mode. Your heart rate increases, your body prepares to react.Dorsal Vagal State (Freeze/Shutdown): If the threat feels overwhelming and there’s no escape, the body enters “freeze mode.” This is where your heart rate and energy levels drop, leading to shutdown. The body feels numb, and you might struggle to speak or move.For those of us with AuDHD, sensory overload can push us into fight/flight or freeze mode. The body’s stress response system takes over, shutting down other functions like speech and decision-making. You might feel like you’re being “attacked” by noise, lights, and sensations, even though there’s no actual threat. Understanding Polyvagal Theory shows us that this response is natural – and not your fault.Coping Strategies for Sensory OverloadNow that we understand the science, let’s talk about strategies to manage sensory overload and slow processing speed. These tools can help reset the nervous system and reduce stress:Modify Your Environment: Dim the lights, wear sunglasses indoors, or use noise-canceling headphones to reduce sensory triggers. In a busy setting, head to a quieter corner or play white noise to mask disruptive sounds.Use Sensory Tools: Keep items like weighted blankets, stress balls, or fidget toys on hand. These can help provide calming feedback and redirect attention away from overwhelming stimuli.Take Sensory Breaks: When you start feeling overloaded, take a break. Step outside, do some gentle movement, or engage in deep breathing exercises to reset your body and mind.Communicate Your Needs: If you’re in a situation where you’re struggling to process information, let people know. Simple phrases like “I need a moment to think” can help others understand when you’re overwhelmed.Final ThoughtsAuDHD is a complex neurotype that combines the traits of both autism and ADHD. This makes for a brain that processes information slowly, struggles with sensory overload, and sometimes finds communication challenging. But understanding the science behind it – especially concepts like Polyvagal Theory – can help us make sense of these experiences.The key takeaway is: You are not alone, and it’s okay to need extra time, breaks, or accommodations. By learning to recognize the signs of sensory overload and slow processing speed, we can better manage our environment and our reactions.Remember: It’s not about “fighting” your brain – it’s about learning to work with it. With patience, understanding, and the right tools, you can navigate the world in a way that feels more manageable and less overwhelming.Thank you for reading! If this post resonated with you, share it with others who might benefit. You’ve got this. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other! Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, we dive deep into a behavior that many ADHDers know all too well: ghosting. Whether it's avoiding difficult conversations or disappearing unexpectedly from social situations, ghosting isn't about lack of care—it's about how our brains process and react to emotional stress. Carmen explores the neuroscience behind social avoidance in ADHD, explaining how executive dysfunction, emotional intensity, and dopamine dynamics contribute to the impulse to withdraw.Through a blend of science and real-life anecdotes, this episode reveals why ADHD brains struggle with navigating challenging interactions and how this can lead to patterns of avoidance. Carmen then shares practical, science-backed strategies for managing social avoidance, including recognizing triggers, developing communication scripts, utilizing time management techniques, practicing mindfulness, and building supportive networks.By the end of the episode, listeners will have actionable tools to improve their communication skills and foster healthier, more understanding relationships. Tune in for a compassionate exploration of how ADHD affects social behavior and why it's time to stop ghosting—and start engaging with confidence.show notes with minutes Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe