Everything Happens with Kate Bowler

Are you living your best life now? Not always? GREAT, ME NEITHER.  My name is Kate Bowler. I’m a Duke professor, bestselling author, and your friendly neighborhood Canadian. This is a show for people who have learned that life is… well, complicated. And we need better language to tell the truth about all of our ups and downs and in-betweens. I’ve always been fascinated by how we, as humans, try to make sense of suffering and happiness. Spoiler alert: there’s no magic formula, but there are some pretty brilliant minds who’ve given it a go. And I’m bringing them straight to your earbuds. So, if you’re tired of coffee mug platitudes and are looking for something…more, join us. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Subscribe now and, together, let’s find a bit more hope, in a world where, well, everything happens. A new season of honest-to-God funny conversations starts on September 3rd.  Mark your calendar. Make sure you’re subscribed. You won’t want to miss this.  EVERYTHING HAPPENS is available everywhere you get your podcasts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Comedians have the ability to be unsparingly honest in ways that buck all cultural norms. It’s a truth-telling that so many of us crave.  Cue Rob Delaney.  Rob is a comedian, actor, writer, and director. His memoir, A Heart That Works is an unsparing account of the death of his beautiful son, Henry. Rob lives in London with his family where Kate visited him for this honest and hilarious conversation.  Kate and Rob discuss: The importance of finding people who really understand what you’re feeling What not to say to people whose kids have died How tragic loss exiles you to a planet where only those who understand grief live The ways we hope grief metabolizes in us and transforms us into empathetic, heart-open kinds of people Rob wants us all to understand that if the unthinkable happens, our hearts still beat so strong in truth and love.  CW: hard-earned explicit language of a bereaved parent, death of parent, Suicide, death of a child   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There is this quote by writer and theologian Frederick Buechner. He writes, “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.” …But I always sort of wanted to amend his original words. Because the more honest truth is: “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Be a little afraid.” Life is so beautiful. And life is so hard. For everyone. Sometimes at the same time. That is the premise behind my latest book of meditations called Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day! Perhaps these reflections on hope and fear in the midst of our real lives resonate with whatever it is you’re facing today. Pick up a copy (or listen on audio) wherever books are sold. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How should you show up for people in grief? What do you say? What should you do? Why is it that beauty can exist alongside deep suffering? What can be said at funerals when the person who died was complicated? These are just a few of the questions I wanted to ask Steve Leder—a bestselling author and a rabbi who has presided over a thousand funerals with wisdom and kindness.  In this conversation, we discuss:   The mysterious way beauty can be found the closer we inch to death (our own or someone else’s). The importance of just showing up. And being you.  Honoring someone’s memory at the same time being truthful about how human they were The peace that comes from acknowledging that life is full of dualities  “If you have to go through hell, don’t come out empty handed” (Steve Leder), but no, the lessons were never, ever worth the pain CW: suicide, adult language   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the story of one young doctor’s race against the clock as he searches for a cure for his own rare disease. In this conversation, Kate and David Fajgenbaum discuss: how love can turn hope into action what limited agency means how small steps can lead to big change This episode originally aired in 2020. Stay tuned to the end to hear an incredible update from David and the work he is up to now. He has expanded from finding the cure for his own incurable disease to developing an organization that does the same for others. Incredible.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How hard is it to be a parent today? After a pandemic? With social media breathing down our necks? It’s so hard! Navigating the delicate balance between granting independence and providing guidance can be daunting as a parent.  Dr. Lisa Damour (New York Times bestselling author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers) has dedicated her life to unraveling the intricacies of adolescence and offering practical, heartfelt advice. In this conversation, Lisa and Kate: offer a more reassuring definition of mental health (hint: it’s about having the right-sized feelings that fit the situation at hand and managing those feelings effectively).  emphasize the importance of being a steady presence in kids’ lives, as well as offer scripts to try with your own teenager give language to what parents might be feeling if they missed this kind of parenting themselves  CW: Mental Health awareness    Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter). See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you learn standing so close to the edge with so many people? Listen for wisdom on mortality and hope—like how the habits of love are hard to break and what makes a ‘good funeral’ directly from a thoughtful and funny funeral director himself. In this episode, Kate and Thomas discuss:  How the habits of love are hard to break, no matter how old the person died who you grieve How those we grieve know our hearts and our love more fully What elements make up a good funeral This episode originally aired in 2022, but we’re revisiting it because I think it might be the best conversation I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to hear what you think. CW: suicide, death   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our most precious relationships are often our most complicated, aren’t they? Poet and bestselling author Kwame Alexander wrote an honest book of poems and essays that name the difficult and beautiful and heart-wrenching conversations we have (or should be having) with the people we love and with the ones who love us.  In this conversation, Kwame and Kate discuss:  How we can’t outrun our grief How our own parents love us in the ways they want to be loved, but maybe not in the ways we need—and how we find our ways back to each other The desire to share with our kids how we love, where we fail, where we tried, and who we were before we were their parent CW: death of parent, divorce *** Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There is a strange tension when we want so badly for the people we love to support us, but want to shield them from the pain at the same time. This is a beautiful, terrible kind of love.  In this conversation, Kate and bestselling writer Suleika Jaouad discuss: What it is like to be the one suffering—all the guilt and shame and rage and mercy and grace  How we can create better economies of love around those who need it The toll illness takes on those around us This episode originally aired in 2021, but is one of our all-time favorites for an honest conversation on being a cancer patient and how to support people in your lives who are undergoing treatment. Kate ends with a blessing for those who feel like their problem is too much to handle—a blessing if you feel like "the bad thing." If you liked this episode, you might also love:  Suleika Jaouad on living between the kingdom of the well and the kingdom of the sick Tig Notaro on being the luckiest unlucky person For When You’ve Been Diagnosed Support Guide You are Not the Bad Thing Printable + Phone Background A blessing for the lives we didn’t choose A blessing for keeping our hearts soft when everything is broken Don’t miss an episode. Sign up here to be the first to know about upcoming events near you, podcast guests, and more.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are some people more empathetic than others? By studying those on the opposite end of the compassion spectrum–those with psychopathy–researcher Dr. Abigail Marsh discovered something surprising.  In this conversation, Kate and Abigail discuss:  The usefulness of fear What it means to be “brave” How we can all learn to belong to one another The power of empathy (and why it actually feels good to give to others) This conversation originally aired in 2020, but is one we return to again and again as we think about how empathy expands our capacity for others. Listen for an update from Abigail on what her recent research is exploring.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if your life hasn’t turned out like you thought it would? When writer Heather Lanier’s daughter, Fiona, was born with a rare genetic syndrome, she learned that the world will not always see her beloved as good. In this conversation, Kate and Heather discuss how it’s okay that we are not summed up on bell curves. Perhaps the bodies in which we dwell are whole enough. In this conversation, Kate and Heather discuss: When our kids are considered “bad” by the world’s standards The doctor who said two perfect words to Heather How the divine sees everyone as good (and how we should seek to see through those same eyes) The difference between capacity building and deficit building This conversation originally aired in 2020, but it is one we return to again and again for its beauty, its honesty, its courage.    Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pain is like a geography—one that isn’t foreign to palliative care physician, Dr. Sunita Puri. Kate and Sunita speak about needing new language for walking the borderlands and how we all might learn to live—and die—with a bit more courage. In this conversation, Kate and Sunita discuss:  How to walk with one another through life’s ups and downs—especially health ups and downs What “palliative care” means (and how it is distinct from hospice)  The difference between what medicine can do and what medicine should do  Sunita’s script for how to talk to patients facing difficult diagnoses  This conversation originally aired in 2020 but it is one of our all-time favorites.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When a group of young moms died around the same time, clinicians Dr. Justin Yopp and Dr. Don Rosenstein wanted to refer their widowed spouses to a grief support group… but none existed. So they started their own.  In this conversation, Kate, Justin, and Don discuss: The grief of imagined futures  The particular needs of parents with cancer and those of widowed parents How to talk to kids about cancer  How to parent while you have cancer Together, they uncover the magic of we. This summer, we are re-sharing our all-time favorite episodes. While this conversation originally aired in 2020, Kate caught up with Don and Justin to get an update on what they are working on lately. You won’t want to miss their important (and practical!) update.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do we navigate life within these beautiful, terrible days? In this special live episode of the Everything Happens podcast, Kate sits down with American broadcast journalist Judy Woodruff at the historic Sixth & I Synagogue in Washington, DC to discuss Kate’s latest book, Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day! Together, they explore what it means to live through the best of days, the worst of days, and all the in-betweens. Together, they discuss: The apology Kate wishes she would have gotten (and the moving story about when she did) How fragility unites us How can we be more empathetic towards people we disagree with   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We become the sum of so many people throughout our lives. Kate speaks with one of the funniest people on the entire planet, comedian Samantha Bee, about the people who made her, her. What virtues did they create? What absurdity ensued? How does she think about how she impacts her own kids?  In this conversation, Kate and Samantha discuss: Samantha's hand of God moment that changed the trajectory of her life How the people who love us shape us into who we become What siblings or friends or partners teach us about intimacy   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here on the Everything Happens Podcast we don’t shy away from difficult subjects, and today’s episode tackles a topic we’ve been wanting to discuss for awhile—suicide among teens and young adults. My guest today, Dr. Pamela Morris-Perez is someone who approaches this subject with the heart of a grieving mom and the mind of a professor and practitioner who wants to make change possible and wants to teach us how we can help. This is such an important conversation on how communities can help prevent adolescent suicide. In this conversation, Kate and Pamela discuss: Poignant reflections on being a suicide loss survivor from a parent who is grieving the loss of her child—a topic so rarely discussed Why we say “died by suicide” How we can prevent teen suicide—including what signs to look for, what to ask, and next steps to take when you’re concerned In a very important way, this episode won’t create nearly as much anxiety as you think. Talking about suicide is one of the most important ways of making it less likely. So let’s find better language together, shall we? If you need to talk to someone, call or text 988. If you are worried about someone, you too can call or text 988 to get resources. Remember: you matter. Please listen with care.   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Chantal Kreviazuk is a Canadian singer, songwriter, composer, and pianist—her voice is the soundtrack of all Kate’s Canadian’s teenage angst. She has had an incredible career with a passion for helping others. Among many things, she’s a powerful advocate for destigmatizing mental illness—a cause near and dear to her heart after her brother struggled to get adequate care for nearly 20 years. She’s said, “When a family member is sick, the whole family is sick.” She offers such wisdom for people who struggle with a hurting family member, or their own mental health, or for their marriages that are sometimes not as easy as we had hoped.  In this conversation, Kate and Chantal discuss: Setting necessary boundaries in complicated families The ups and downs of a marriage and the unexpected gifts that only reveal themselves when you commit to staying in it for the long haul A trick to starting a hard day   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sometimes we can fix our lives and sometimes can’t. So when self-help and self-care fall short, what do we need to turn instead? Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute of NBC’s The Office) says that what we need is a spiritual revolution. This conversation is rich and challenging and invites us all to think about the virtues we need to sustain a life and how we might cultivate these virtues not just for our own wellbeing but for that of the people around us. Spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with bubble baths or the latest cold plunge trend. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy?   In this conversation, Kate and Rainn discuss: How self-care is often a form of toxic individualism The current mental health crisis and the need for spiritual tools that provide vision, mission, and purpose How making oneself useful can be an antidote to despair A big thank you to our friends at The Fetzer Institute for making today’s conversation possible.    Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our lives are rarely predictable or at all in our control. Sometimes what happens to us or around us can reshape our entire trajectory. Nicky Gumbel is someone whose life was dramatically changed. He thought he was going to be a very fancy lawyer… just like everyone else in his family, but that’s not what happened. Nicky became one of the pioneers of the Alpha Course where 30 million people have been introduced to Christian faith around the world. In this conversation, Kate and Nicky discuss: Nicky’s reluctant conversion to Christianity How to stay open to the things we didn’t expect to happen. How age isn’t necessarily the limiter we might assume—perhaps there are opportunities or new ventures that can open up in our later third of life Why the church should be more like a hospital than a museum   Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

So much of modern culture emphasizes success, hard work, and ambition. But what if we don’t conquer every problem or reach every mountaintop? How do you live with the hunger for more while letting yourself have limits and be tired and say no and shut it down too? In this conversation, Kate and Emma Gannon discuss: Why ambition isn’t necessarily a bad thing How Emma reacted to a season of severe burnout and what wisdom she has for all of us How bucket lists can inadvertently place us in a game we are never going to win (Psst… It’s okay to simmer down a bit)    Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here or visiting katebowler.com/podcasts. Follow Kate on Instagram, Facebook, or X (formerly known as Twitter)—@katecbowler. Links to social pages and more available at linktr.ee/katecbowler.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.