Flying Free

Have you ever felt like you're starring in a rerun of your own life? Same arguments. Same heartbreak. Same fake flowers and empty promises. It’s called the abuse cycle, my friend.In this episode, I dive deep into an exercise that one of our Flying Free members shared in the private forum. She mapped out her relationship’s specific abuse cycle, and what she discovered was pretty important.Nothing changes when nothing changes. Oof. That one landed.What you’ll learn:The Three Phases of the Abuse CycleWhat HE Does vs. What YOU Do in each phase, and why it’s crucial to spell it out.How this member's personalized cycle became her key to awareness, and eventually, empowerment.The Denial Trap: Why “love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs” is not a permission slip to forget he’s hurting you.The radical difference between surviving the cycle and disrupting it with intentional action.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Check out some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “Interrupting the Abuse Cycle” and “How to Change Yourself While Still Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage.”

Ever fallen for someone who looked flawless on paper, but in real life turned out to be your personal nightmare with a Christian smile slapped on top? In today’s episode, I sit down with Maile, a bright spark in our Flying Free community, who thought she’d landed in God’s will when she married her second husband. Instead, she found herself suffocating under spiritual gaslighting, emotional sabotage, and escalating violence, all hidden behind the shiny veneer of “good Christian marriage.”This is a real story of what it looks like to wake up, break free, and rebuild your life, even when you’ve already done the divorce thing once before, and the church ladies are clutching their pearls at you for round two.In this episode:The red flags Maile ignored during dating (love bombing, control, snooping)How spiritual abuse kept her stuck under the “good Christian wife” lieWhy COVID became the unexpected wake-up call she neededHow she found the courage to leave, even after already being divorced onceWhat freedom and faith look like on the other side of abuseRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Book mentioned: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.Some other survivor stories: Shelley’s story and Stacie’s story.

Have you ever crawled your way out of an emotionally abusive relationship, finally free, only to be met with cold shoulders, Christian cliques, and confused stares from the very people who should’ve been first in line at your welcome-back party? Or maybe you’ve thought about getting out, but your instincts all tell you that you’ll lose everyone you love in the process?In this episode, I answer two listener-submitted questions that go straight to the heart of what so many Christian women wrestle with post-abuse: rejection from family, exclusion in church, and the confusion that comes with trying to be a decent human in the aftermath of emotional trauma.We talk:The underbelly of emotional immaturitySpiritual bypassing in religious circlesWhat “grace” actually looks like (hint: it’s not begging for scraps)And why your healing is not up for debateThis one’s for every woman who’s been ghosted by her family or made to feel like a spiritual pariah in the church lobby.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Get a free chapter of my book, “Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage” and companion workbook when you hop on my mailing list. Listen to some related Flying Free Podcast episodes, including “Why Being Rejected by Your Church and Family Hurts So Bad” and “When You’ve Been Hurt by Church.”

So you’re getting out of your emotionally and spiritually abusive marriage (congratulations, by the way, you’re a hero), and you think the hard part is over? Honey, buckle up. This episode pulls back the curtain on what actually goes down in family court and why women like you and me need to step into the CEO role of our divorce process.I talk with Amy Polacko, a woman who’s been through it, wrote a book about it, and now helps other women survive it. We cover everything from strategic silence and choosing the right attorney, to the "he’s such a good guy" nonsense that courts just eat up.Here’s the low-down: You could be framed. Literally. Not metaphorically. Actually framed. So let’s talk about how to not let that happen.Key Takeaways: You must be the CEO of your divorce. Do not—I repeat, do NOT—hand the wheel to someone else and hope for the best.The justice system isn’t always just. Especially if you're a woman who dares to leave an abuser.Document everything and hire smart. Get a coach before you get an attorney. Better yet, get Amy. Abusers have a playbook. And Amy knows what’s on every page.Your “Christian” husband might still screw you over. Faith language doesn’t mean he’s safe. It might just mean he’s scarier.Kids grow up. Even if you lose custody, there’s hope. Connection isn't court-mandated, it’s soul-deep. We’ll talk about what to do if the unthinkable happens.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Check out Amy’s website and get some one-on-one coaching with her.Get Amy’s FREE resource, 10 Divorce Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make. Get the Proactive Playbook for Divorce or take her course, Divorce Decoded.Read her co-authored book, Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld.Connect with Amy on Instagram. Go listen to some related Flying Free Podcast episodes, including “Winning Child Custody & Divorce Battles” and “How to Be the Parent Your Child Needs During Divorce.” And of course, consider joining the Flying Free Kaleidoscope where we make education and support for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages (or making their exit) affordable and life-changing. (Plus Amy is one of our resident coaches!)Amy is a divorce coach and an award-winning journalist who is a domestic abuse survivor. Through her Freedom Warrior coaching business, she has guided hundreds of women out of toxic relationships and empowers women to be the CEO of their divorce. She is a former full-time investigative reporter on television. Amy’s work has been featured in HuffPost, The Washington Post, Newsweek, NBC News, The Independent, New York Observer and Ms. She co-authored the groundbreaking book FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld with Dr. Christine Cocchiola which exposes the gender bias crisis in our justice system

What if the miracle you've been begging God for—the divine intervention, the total transformation of your emotionally bankrupt marriage—is actually you walking out the door?In this episode, I pull back the curtain on my own bathroom-floor prayer sob sessions (complete with cold tile and mascara rivers) and challenge the dangerous theology that says staying in abusive marriages = holy martyrdom. If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of “pray harder, suffer longer,” it’s time to consider that the still, small voice urging you to get out might actually be God.Key Takeaways:You might be the miracle. Sometimes, walking away is the divine answer.God doesn’t endorse abuse. Staying to suffer isn’t a spiritual badge of honor.Faith isn’t a formula. Praying harder won’t fix what someone refuses to change.Waiting on God means moving. Biblical waiting sometimes involves action, not passive endurance.Peace is holy. A quiet, safe life isn’t boring—it’s blessed. Leaving can be faith-filled. Seeking safety is aligning with God's heart, not betraying Him.You’re already worthy. Your value isn’t tied to enduring mistreatment.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:If you liked today’s episode, you may relate to some of my others, including “What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce?” and “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” 

Ever wondered what it’s like to be married to someone who swears allegiance to both their country and their ego? Meet Elizabeth, a brave survivor of emotional, spiritual, and psychological abuse within a military marriage. Spoiler alert: It’s not all flag-waving and family barbecues.Key Takeaways:Abuse in Uniform: Elizabeth shares how military culture and constant relocation masked the escalating abuse in her marriage.Gaslight Central: Her husband weaponized patriotism, shifting blame and memory-wiping every argument like a bad magician.Mother of All Burnouts: From managing everything—including his moods—to finally realizing she wasn’t the crazy one, Elizabeth walks us through her awakening.Mini Steps, Mega Impact: Discover how moving into a different bedroom and refusing to play the smiling spouse at a promotion ceremony were small, powerful boundaries.From Silence to Sisterhood: Elizabeth’s healing journey took off with Flying Free, and she’s now part of our “veteran” squad of badass women who got out, stayed out, and grew like weeds in springtime.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Listen to some of our other recent survivor stories, including Lisa’s story and Erin’s story. 

Let’s talk about that weird emotional hangover you get after confronting your husband’s bad behavior. You know, the one where he hurts you, but somehow you end up feeling sorry for him? Yep. That old chestnut. In this episode, I get real about the trap so many of us Christian women fall into, the compassion boomerang that keeps us stuck in abusive marriages.I’ve lived this. I breathed this for 25 years. I know exactly what it feels like to see the abuse for what it is, feel a spark of righteous anger… only to have it snuffed out by a fake tear, a Bible verse, or a bouquet of “I didn’t mean it that way” flowers. Before you know it, you’re back to feeling like the monster for having feelings in the first place.So I’m calling it out. We’re unpacking why this happens, how it messes with your brain, and what you can do to flip the script and start feeling sorry for the person who truly deserves your compassion: you.What I Want You to Walk Away With: You’re not crazy. You’re chemically trauma bonded. And yes, that’s a thing.Your compassion is beautiful, but when it’s misdirected at your abuser, it becomes a prison.The church has taught us to tolerate abuse in the name of Jesus—and honestly, Jesus would’ve flipped a table over that.Grief isn’t the enemy. Denial is. Grief is the beginning of healing.You can feel sorry for yourself. You should. That’s what healing starts with.You don’t need to be brave enough for the whole mountain—just the next step.You are the one who’s going to rescue you. (No prince required.)Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Liked this episode? Then you’ll like two of my other Flying Free Podcast episodes, “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” and “Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Abuser - and When That Changes.”

Have you ever sat in a women’s Bible study, nodding politely while someone says “your husband is your spiritual covering,” and inside you’re thinking, I think I’m dying a little bit every time I say “yes, dear”?In this episode, I get real about complementarianism, the nice-sounding theology that quietly hijacked our self-worth, autonomy, and sanity. I share how I was the poster child for it once (hello, Created to Be His Help Meet), and how that life script nearly destroyed my soul.I’m unpacking the research, the psychology, the theology, and yes, the “are you kidding me right now?” stories from real women who’ve lived this. It's systemic. And it's deeply damaging.What You’ll Learn: How complementarianism teaches learned helplessness (like, literal textbook psychology)That a shocking number of women from these teachings suffer from anxiety, decision fatigue, and depression but think it’s a faith issue, not a mental health oneWhy your pastor’s advice to “submit harder” is about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off with a godly attitude”That yes, the research confirms it: biblical womanhood theology messes with your brainHow to tell the difference between “conviction” and religious traumaRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Head to our website to find ALL the resources I packed into today’s episode.Check out some related Flying Free resources, including an article I wrote called “How Complementarianism Causes Abuse in Churches and Homes” and an episode called “Do Gender Roles Contribute to Emotional Abuse in the Home and Church?”

In this episode, I’m diving into a question I get all the time: Is legal separation the better option for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages? Or is divorce actually the path to healing and wholeness?(Please note: this episode is for Christian women considering a more permanent end to their relationship. If that's not you, give this one a pass for today!)I know how hard it is to navigate these decisions, especially when your faith, your safety, and your identity are all tangled together. I’ve lived it. I’ve wrestled with it. And I’ve coached hundreds of women through it.So I’m walking you through the differences between legal separation and divorce from a biblical, emotional, financial, and psychological perspective without shame, fear tactics, or pressure. Just clarity, truth, and love.What You’ll Learn: What legal separation really involves (hint: it’s not just sleeping in separate rooms)The truth behind “God hates divorce” and what Scripture actually saysHow legal separation can keep you stuck emotionally and financiallyWhy divorce might be the healthiest choice for you and your childrenWhat your church may be getting wrong—and how to respond with courage and graceMy own story of choosing divorce and what changed in my life afterRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Get a free, practical guide to legal separation and divorce that will help you decide what is best for you.Some more Flying Free Podcast episodes on divorce and separation: “How Do I Know if Divorce Is the Right Choice for Me?” “Will God Punish Me if I Get a Divorce?” “During Separation, How Do I Deal With an Overwhelming Workload and No Support?”

In this episode, Natalie shares the raw, unfiltered voices of Christian women who took a powerful step toward reclaiming their lives. What begins with deep confusion, spiritual exhaustion, and the belief that “I’m the problem” transforms into clarity, courage, and freedom. This episode is a love letter to every woman who feels stuck in a toxic relationship yet longs for something more.Through the annual Flying Free satisfaction survey, listeners hear dozens of honest, heart-wrenching, and ultimately hopeful testimonies of what healing looks like when women dare to believe they deserve better.Key Takeaways:You are not the problem. Many women enter Flying Free believing they’re broken. The truth? They’re trapped in harmful belief systems—not failures.Healing is possible. Even women who felt suicidal or hopeless now describe themselves as joyful, empowered, and free.You don’t have to do it alone. Community and coaching are a lifeline. The kaleidoscope of women in Flying Free offers safety, connection, and understanding.Transformation isn’t a miracle—it’s a process. One decision at a time, one new belief at a time, one boundary at a time. And it works.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Want to learn more about a tool we use inside the program all the time that literally changes lives? Check out Episode 160 of the Flying Free Podcast. 

What happens when the man everyone admires is the one silently destroying your soul behind closed doors?In this gripping episode, I sit down with Lisa: a strong, truth-telling woman who walked through 40 years of emotional and spiritual abuse in her marriage. From the trauma of date rape on her first date, to the covert spiritual manipulation in a seemingly “perfect” Christian home, Lisa vulnerably shares how she survived, how she healed, and how she’s now helping other women rise.This episode is not just a story. It’s a reclamation.Key Takeaways: “You’re not crazy—he just told you that you were.” Lisa unpacks the slow unraveling of decades of covert abuse masked as devotion.How Christian culture kept her trapped in a narrative of self-blame, silence, and “submission.”The pivotal role of trauma-informed therapy, especially EMDR, in unlocking the truth and breaking the trauma bond.Lisa’s experience with betrayal by Christian counselors and the devastating weaponization of Scripture.Why she now calls it an escape—not a divorce.The healing power of boundaries, honest storytelling, and godly anger.What real love looks like after abuse—and yes, it can come at 66.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Want to listen to some more survivor stories? Check out Erin’s story and Marie’s story. 

In this episode of The Flying Free Podcast, we’re talking about a book that forever changed my understanding of evil—M. Scott Peck's People of the Lie. This isn't about cartoon villains or obvious monsters. I'm talking about the kind of evil that sits in church pews, leads Bible studies, and goes home to emotionally destroy their families while maintaining a pristine public image.Have you ever felt crazy for questioning someone's "godly" behavior when it leaves you feeling diminished and confused? You're not alone, and you're not imagining things. In this episode, I break down the subtle patterns of evil that hide behind masks of righteousness, especially in Christian contexts.In this powerful episode, you'll discover:• Why the most dangerous form of evil isn't loud or obvious, but subtle, polite, and often dressed in religious language and "concern" for your spiritual wellbeing• How to recognize scapegoating—the psychological process where someone transfers their shame onto you, making you carry the emotional burden for the entire relationship• The chilling reality of how evil people use virtue and spiritual leadership as masks to hide their true nature, and why religious communities often protect the abuser rather than the abused• Practical ways to trust your own perceptions again after years of having your reality denied and twistedIf you've ever been told you're overreacting, too sensitive, or not spiritual enough when trying to address harmful behavior, this episode will validate your experience and give you the language to understand what you've been through.The journey toward freedom begins with recognizing the lies for what they are. Join me as we unpack this transformative book and discover how naming evil is the first step toward reclaiming your life and your truth.Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Grab your copy of M. Scott Peck's People of the LieWant to check out some other books I recommend? I have a whole laundry list. 

Strap in, ladies. This episode is basically law school meets your best girlfriend telling you how to survive divorce court with a toxic ex who thinks the law is optional and reality is negotiable. I’m joined by Arizona attorney Wendy Hernandez (aka courtroom gladiator and truth-spewer), who unpacks what you really need to know when facing custody battles, financial warfare, and the endless parade of legal shenanigans from an abusive ex.This episode was originally a private workshop inside the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community, and now it's yours, too. You're welcome. (And also, if you want more, jump in with us!)Key Takeaways:How to get out when you're financially trappedWhat temporary orders are and how they can help you immediatelyWhy documentation beats opinions in court, and how to gather it smartlySecrets to dealing with exes who refuse to work or disclose incomeHow to present strong evidence without being overwhelmedLegal options for supervised visitation and protecting your childrenModifying custody when major life changes occurProtecting kids from subtle forms of abuse within court limitationsHow to handle mediators and avoid coerced agreementsSanctioning your ex for using the legal system abusivelyThe emotional encouragement you need when you feel too overwhelmed to fight backRead the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources: Wendy’s YouTube channel: Command the CourtroomHer “Best Interests of the Child” checklistThe “Is Love Resilience” worksheet (traits that resilient women develop to rebuild their lives)The “Know Your Rights – Protect. Prepare. Empower. Escape” worksheetOur Day’s co-parenting calendar appAimee Says, an AI app to help you craft response, document abuse, prepare for court, and more Flying Free Podcast Episode 220 with Wendy: Dealing with Fear During DivorceHaving tried over 1,000 cases during her twenty-seven years as a litigator, Wendy is a courtroom warrior who has tackled every type of family law matter — from divorce to child custody and everything in between. Sharing secrets learned from the country’s top law professors at the University of Notre Dame Law School and during her battles on the family law front lines, Wendy is passionate about helping not only her clients, but also those representing themselves, to feel competent, confident and comfortable in the courtroom.

So many of you come to me and say things like, "Natalie, I was such a doormat. I just stood there and let it all happen."Listen up, beautiful butterfly: You didn’t “just stand there.” You were resisting the entire time, and no one told you that’s what it was. Until now.In this episode, I shine a flashlight on the small but powerful acts of resistance Christian women pull off daily in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages. We’re talking journal-hiding, secret-crying, sanity-preserving, Jesus-whispering defiance that deserves a standing ovation—but probably got met with church lady side-eye instead.Here’s what you’ll learn:What resistance really looks like Why keeping your mouth shut can be a power moveHow even the tiniest choice—like skipping his coffee—can be the first domino to freedomWhy the culture you were raised in trained you to erase your own bravery—and how we’re done with that nowRead the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources: This podcast script is inspired by Allan Wade’s article, “Small Acts of Living: Everyday Resistance to Violence and Other Forms of Oppression.” Some related Flying Free Podcast episodes you may enjoy: “Should a Christian Wife Submit to an Abusive Husband?” and “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything.” 

Ever feel like you’re losing your mind but everyone around you says you’re just too sensitive? Welcome to the club you never asked to join. In this episode, I sit down with Erin, a long-time member of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community, who opens up about her raw and redemptive journey out of emotional and spiritual abuse. From marrying a man who knew his way around a Bible and a manipulation tactic (convenient, right?) to raising six kids in eight years while being told she was a “terrible housekeeper,” Erin did what so many Christian women are taught to do—sacrifice, submit, and smile. But eventually, she realized something crucial. God wasn’t calling her to be a martyr in her own marriage.In this episode, you’ll hear:The subtle and not-so-subtle red flags Erin missed (like that “I wanted to kiss your sister” comment… um, what?)How spiritual gaslighting and weaponized Scripture kept her stuckThe pivotal moment she knew she had to get outWhat helped her make her escapeHow the Flying Free Kaleidoscope and a few fierce new friendships helped her healWe talk about the awkwardness of being told you’re abandoning your family when all you’re trying to do is not literally abandon your sanity. Erin’s story is heartbreaking but also full of hope.So grab your tissues, maybe a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and hit play. You’ll walk away feeling seen, heard, and a little more brave.Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Do you like listening to survivor stories? We have more! Listen to Marie’s story, Laurie’s story, and Stacie’s story.