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Help Me Be Me

Author: Sarah May B.

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Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, author/podcaster/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. I think they'll work for you, too. For all the tools I offer, check out

What I share is my personal opinion and not a diagnosis for treatment. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1.

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204 Episodes
This is an episode about whether to make your creative passion into your job and how to create for public consumption, especially if you are a sensitive person. I have had several people ask me about podcasting and how to get started in it. I have also mentored several people in creative fields – so this is a blend of what I have shared with those people. In sum this is for anyone making the decision to do creative work and how it should come about in your life so you can thrive. - - - - If you are currently struggling with your mental health and are interested in trying therapy, you can be paired with a therapist within 24 hours via your phone or computer. To get started, simply fill out a brief survey and you will be paired with a licensed counselor – and it’s free to switch if you don’t like the first one you get. For 10% off your first month of therapy and to support this show head to
This is an episode for those dealing with a fragile emotional state and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Who I am speaking to here are those who are overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn. The letters I am getting are not all related to one source of upheaval: Some of you are struggling to process anger and feelings of powerlessness over injustice. Some of you are struggling to deal with anxiety and sadness on top of anger and powerlessness. Some of you are feeling so many things that you feel as if you are going to break into a million pieces. Some of you feel useless and like nothing you do matters. Some of you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed by COVID and worried about the uncertainty of the future. And there is so much happening right now – so much emotional upheaval, on top of the isolation we are already suffering due to COVID, and the uncertainty of the future, there are the high levels of joblessness. There’s a lot of toxicity in the news and especially in social media right now. In short - there’s a lot to manage, understand and process - especially if you are already someone who suffers from anxiety or depression. And especially if you are someone who really cares about doing the right thing – and you feel unable to be active in that right now. A lot of you who have never experienced trauma or have never been pushed to your threshold as far as dealing with overwhelm and anxiety – now’s a difficult time to be going through that. Why? Because resources for self-soothing and grounding are limited due to COVID. So this episode is slightly different – first I will address those in an immediate state of “I feel like I’m going to explode or jump out a window!” Then I have some tools for the coming weeks for day to day negative thinking and anxiety. - - - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Better Help – remote therapy with licensed counselors, which is a great option if you are emotionally overwhelmed right now. If you want to support this show and get 10% off your first month of therapy, head to xo
This is an episode that answers questions from the audience about fears around having kids, and since I am about to give birth to my second child, I thought it timely! It's a followup to an episode I did a few years back on the same topic. The questions I answer are as follows: 1. I love my life now, I’m afraid of not being able to do what I want when I want to do it. I’m also afraid of another being depending so critically on me. How do I know if I should have kids? 2. How will my anxiety be when I’m a parent? 3. What is it like to never have a break? How do you adjust and get through? 4. What joys of parenting have you found ground you? 5. What are the normal highs and lows and how do you ride them? For anyone new listening to this show, I am a regular person who has lived through a lot of random difficult shit and come out the other end pretty happy, high functioning, with healthy relationships. I am not a therapist or a scholar! So take what helps and leave the rest. A couple of books on this subject (and for once you have a baby) that I recommend are here: - - - - - This show is brought to you by our latest sponsor: Better Help – licensed therapists you can see from the privacy of your couch! If you are interested in trying out therapy(at a lower cost), and you want to support this show, visit for 10% off your first month of care. xo!
This is an episode for if you have a painful obsession with an ex or a pervasive habit of fixating on relationships: they’re more important than job, personal time, family and friends. And often that relationship is one you know isn’t great – but you still obsess about that person, and it consumes your life. This might be especially painful during quarantine because you’re unable to distract yourself and do something about it. This is about putting yourself in ridiculously desperate positions, clinging to a relationship – even when you know it isn’t right for you. And that gush of fear, terror, loneliness, pain that overwhelms you and causes you to feel like you’d do ANYTHING to get someone to come back to you. It can make you act in crazy and degrading ways – but the pain of not having a person is too great. This was a request from a few different people (some of whom requested it quite a long time ago - so hopefully this is still helpful)!! The two books I mention in this episode are here: For more of my work and to make a donation, head to xo!
If you are one of those people who are trying to make the world a better place and that process is taking a lot out of you – causing you vicarious trauma and a deeper kind of damage that affects your ability to continue to contribute to the good of others, then this is an episode for you! You might not even realize that this is happening to you – but maybe you have noticed that you exist in survival mode all the time and it has changed you. You might be irritable, exhausted, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, and thinking dark thoughts that you know are not right or appropriate for a healthy happy person to be thinking. If that sounds like you – this episode is a starting point. As with all of my episodes take what helps and leave the rest. I am just a regular person – I have no certificates whatsoever. So if you are suffering in a really bad way, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency services. For more of my writing, to work with me, make a request or make a donation, head to xo And to read more on this topic check out this AMAZING book that is a reference for this research: - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
This is an episode dedicated to self-regulation, if you are in and out of a state of panic, you get lost in your emotions, or perhaps even experiencing symptoms of trauma. Maybe you just lost someone – or your lost something, like your sense of security or your job. Or maybe you are fear-forecasting and feeling very overwhelmed by the outlook of the future – like figuring all of this out is impossible. This episode begins with a grounding exercise and ends with the 21-days-of-Happiness challenge. (I threw that in there because it’s an effective way to train your focus away from what’s wrong – so please don’t think I’m being flip by including it!) In between, there are a lot of tools for talking yourself back into a rational headspace. That said if you are feeling like you can't emotionally handle wherever you are right now, reach out to your local emergency services or check out this hotline: I hope this helps you and if you’re looking for more of my work, head to xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
This is anyone struggling with anxiety and worry right now – maybe you’re having a hard time being quarantined, maybe you are now out of work, or maybe you’re getting overwhelmed by reading the news because of the various effects of coronavirus. Whatever it is, if you find yourself in a seemingly endless state of stress and you are dooming and glooming, this is an episode for you. This episode has 3 parts but it’s mostly tools. And heads up – I couldn’t get into the recording studio thanks to said virus, so this one has a lot of background noise. Apologies in advance!! For more of my work and to make a donation you can head to or visit me on Patreon. Thanks! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
This is an episode all about oversharing when you start a new relationship – consciously or unconsciously, and when that negatively affects your life. So for example – if you end up disclosing everything bad that has happened to you on a first date (romantic or friend), and you end up feeling naked and awkward after the fact. Or you find that you end up oversharing as a way to get people to pay attention to you – but this leads to relationships that are less than positive, on the whole in your life. As with all my episodes there are 3 parts – the what, the why, and the how – the tools. For more of my work and to make a donation, head to ! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools! How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to or visit me on Patreon xo!
This is an episode all about when you are your base level self. When you are rude, hurtful, intentionally mean, aggressive or difficult with others. Or perhaps you are sad, clingy, manipulative and controlling. In other words, when you act in ways that make you feel really bad about yourself. These states of being usually come about when you are super overworked or stressed, or you’re sleep-deprived or hormonal¬– and you end up snapping at people you love. Regardless of the conditions that set it up, it’s a state of being that perpetuates more of itself via feelings of shame and self-blame. A vicious cycle! So included in this episode are tools to help you navigate out of that state and also retrain yourself if you habitually end up here. For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
This is an episode all about when we start living life from our routine of “should’s” versus stopping to ask ourselves whether or not we are happy. When we get into a machine mode, going through the motions – we are on an autopilot of sorts. We are only operating from the neck up. This is when our life’s decisions are based on what we think we should do based on whatever particular responsibilities we have during that time. Yes, the brain is what serves us most in terms of survival – but it can lead us into a state of emptiness and resent if we don’t stop to listen to our heart and gut, too! (If you’re a caregiver who is not as happy as you think you “should be” based on everything you have, this is an episode for you – too!) For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
This is an episode for anyone who feels like self-help and steps toward personal growth haven’t worked for them and they likely won’t. Maybe that’s because you feel alienated by most of the content out there, or maybe that’s because you feel like all the change you try to make does nothing: you just can’t win. Or maybe you feel like you haven’t made enough progress in your life in the areas that matter most to you: relationships, self-control, career success, happiness, confidence… etc. So you just feel stuck in a rut. Or maybe you just feel resentful toward all the people who seem to apply self-help easily to their lives. You might think….Self-help doesn’t work for me. I never can change, I don’t take the steps, I don’t read the books. I am royally fucked in my issues – I don’t see them going away anytime soon. Most people don’t resonate with me or “get” my issues. This is also for you if you are in a place where nothing seems to work for you – if you want to believe all the touchy-feely optimistic stuff but in the past it hasn’t worked for you. Maybe you are staring at your gratitude jar and saying “Why me? Why won’t things work out for me?” As with most of my episodes, there are three parts - the what the why and the how the tools. To read more of my work, see the products and services I offer, and to make a donation head to xo!
This is a set of journal prompts for you to reflect on as you orient yourself for the year and reflect back on the years previous. This is what I have done and I got a lot out of it. I think you will, too. I like it because it draws on data while really bringing out more of what’s positive. It matters WHY you do something – because if you don’t really want to in your heart of hearts, it’s much harder to do it. These are reflections that allow you to set goals focused on what has made you the happiest. I hope you enjoy it and happy 2020! If you have any requests, comments or to make a donation, head to xo
Shame and trauma cannot be separated – they are incredibly interwoven. The reason I created this episode is shame is virtually unavoidable if you’ve been through a trauma and often times the shame is even harder to process and heal from. Why? Shame is an unseen self-authoring wound. It creates a whole slew of behaviors because we are tasked with carrying it – and as you are aware, shame is toxic. In order for us to contain it we need a wide buffer: a padding between it and consciousness. However, the way we create this is often very damaging and shame-inducing. So it’s a domino effect. And so most people avoid it for many years – why? It is too painful for us to look at. It’s also painful for others – if it tells you anything it’s often also avoided by therapists, because of how much discomfort it causes. So this is really just an entry-level exploration of possible shame in your person. Inspired by my own recent enlightenments. They happen the tiniest bit at a time. I also have some reading for you on the topic: Book 1 (for mindfulness intro): Book 2 (for more about shame/trauma): reference for this piece: For comments, requests and to make a donation head to Yay.
If you are one of those people who debates things in your mind endlessly, shuts down, isolates – this is for you. This is for you only if you find that this is causing you issues in your communication with others, difficulty in your relationships or perhaps you notice that its affecting your confidence. This might be especially relevant for anyone out there who is heading back home for the holidays – if you return to your family of origin, all sorts of old drama can come up. You become a very sensitive organ reacting to very old wounds. There’s a lot in here about triggering family members and how to negotiate that situation. Shout out to two listeners in particular! Hope this helps! Xox For more of my work and to make a donation head to xo!
By scripts I am talking self-judgment. Negative self-talk. The things we perceive inside our heads – that tell us how to act and dictate what we believe about ourselves. We all have things we believe about ourselves and how we are perceived. However, there’s something very different that is experienced by the outside world. This episode is calling attention to that gap and examining whether or not it’s working for or against you. Because you can change everything in your life by changing how you interpret it! If you want to check it out – this is the book that inspired this episode: For more of my work and to make a donation, head to xo!
This is an episode about the self-soothing habits that we have that do not help us. For some that is online shopping. For some that is eating. And for some that is getting likes or getting hit on. What these have in common is they don’t fulfill us or make us feel whole. They actually end up making us feel an ever-increasing void where it matters most: on the inside. For more of my writing, to ask a question, and to make a donation, head to or visit Xox! To check out an article with more info about shopping addiction, head here:
This is for anyone has a person in their life who is mistreating them. For example, let’s say you have an in-law who treats you like a punching bag, or your partner is hurting your feelings on a daily basis, or you have a volatile sibling who speaks to you terribly. It can be really disorienting, especially if you’ve been taking this for a really long time. Plus, with intimate relationships there’s often a trade-off that makes this even more complicated: if this relationship also provides you with rent, or your spouse doesn’t share your hurt perspective – you might feel guilty about having the feelings that you have. Caveat: this topic has some overlap with domestic violence but I am not addressing people who are victims of domestic violence. Why? Because in your situation, your physical safety is of primary concern and some of the tools I am offering might threaten that safety. For you I recommend you head to: or google your local domestic violence resource. And know that if you are in a relationship that you have been unable to leave – then know that it’s HARD but it’s not impossible. I’ve read that it takes an average of 7 to 8 times to leave – so whatever you do, don’t give up. As with all my episdes, there are three parts – the what, why and how the tools. To make a donation and for more of my work, head to xo!
This was inspired by a friend of mine saying, “I’m not too many steps from a crazy person.” That really resonated with me – because it’s true. When life unravels, it’s really easy – and rapid – to get to a point of being completely leveled. Where we have no tools, where we are grasping, begging, underfoot, feeling desperate and worthless. Or crazy. Or like a mess, like life is a mess – like we fucked everything up. No one loves us, etc. So this is a preventative episode about “building your mental house right” – and you’ll hear more about that in the episode. I hope you enjoy! The book I talk about in this episode that I recommend if you are curious (but unsure) about therapy is here: As with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest. I am not a doctor or a professional of any kind. I am a regular person who wants to help. You know you best. If you liked this episode and you would like to make a donation to support this podcast, head to and click donate or visit xo!!
Hi friends!! Apologies for the lag in postings…I have had some super intense hours as of late. But it will lighten up very soon. This is an episode all about the deeper and perhaps more logical causes of depression and anxiety. It’s inspired by a book I just read – which is BRILLIANT. Link at the bottom of the notes. Here’s the gist: Depression and anxiety are both forms of disconnection. We are cut off from things we need as humans – they are basic needs that we don’t realize we have. Because we live in the bubble of culture! You don’t realize how much that culture affects your world view and your habits; the thoughts and feelings you about yourself. If you want to do an experiment to see how conditioned you are by the various facets of culture, I invite you to watch a movie from 10 years ago. We don’t realize the messages we are receiving all the time and the power of those messages. A lot of our cultural depression is a literal mourning of consistent life experiences that we are meant to have– things that are vital to our baseline as humans. These needs aren’t being properly recognized, addressed, and or processed. I think – because a lot of people don’t know how REAL and NECESSARY they are! Back in the day, life was kind of set up around these basic needs – we had smaller villages where everyone had a role, and you were close to your family. Community networks kind of sustained everyone in these really core human needs. The isolation that we now experience – paired with the focus on external possessions really keeps us all in a state of chasing. So if you are struggling with a sense of chronic emptiness and you cannot see a logical cause, this episode is for you. And more importantly – this book is for you – it’s called “Lost Connections.” For more of my work, to send comments, or make a donation, head to – and as with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest!! I am not a professional. I’m just a gal who wants to help. xox
Comments (12)

Susanne McIlwain Hatton

I love this. Initially listened for myself but saving it for my friend as well. Thank you.

Apr 24th

Ana Julia Fishman

really Great pod cast, voice, and insight, honesty

Feb 24th

Authentictalks 2.0

I love this podcast! No one can be me better than me. There is lots of good info & although I host a podcast I listen to many. Thank you for doing what you do.

Feb 17th


This is my mother. She and my father terrorised our small family as we were growing up. I seem to attract narcissists everywhere I go.

Feb 16th

Rara Avis

this was fantastic. very wise.

Feb 10th


EP 119 such a great episode! I've read 'Lost Connections' and you really hit on some core themes. Also recommendation if you want to watch your spending is an app called 'Mint' by intuit, it's free and helped me see some spending areas I was blind to, plus it helps you categorize and adjust what you're budgeting for. Thank you so much for this podcast, it's awesome!

Jan 30th
Reply (1)


Great podcast, really appreciate the depth you go into, the insight you have on the topics, and the list of things to get us thinking and working through things. Great content and podcaster!! :)

Jan 29th

Val Specht

Love this podcast!

Jan 22nd

just shoni

The best therapy session I've ever had. #gratitude #safeplace 🤗

Jan 20th


Thank you, needed the tough love

Nov 3rd

Victoria Mbaluka

Thank you

Mar 28th
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