Dear Listener, welcome to the third episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we dive deep into the art of building intimacy, a crucial aspect of creating chemistry and emotional connections on your dates. This episode is for you if you are frequently “friend-zoned” or struggle to get past first or second dates.Join us as we explore five key skills for building intimacy on a date:Self-Affirm: Learn how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, allowing you to show up confidently and authentically.Play: Discover how to bring lightness and joy into your interactions, making your dates more fun and engaging.Assert: Master the art of clearly and respectfully communicating your desires while giving your date space to express theirs.Reveal: Enhance emotional closeness by sharing your feelings and encouraging your date to do the same.Touch: Understand how to move from friendly to flirty touch, using your intuition and your date’s cues to gauge comfort and interest.“Paul” and “Petunia” return, so don’t miss their silly, touching examples of how to get playful, flirtatious, and deep. Tune in to learn how to emotionally connect with your date, create intimate moments, and understand the role of physical touch in building chemistry. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical strategies to help you build connections that might blossom into joyful, lifelong love.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro03:84 - #1: Self-Affirm06:26 - #2: Play16:28 - #3: Assert22:25 - #4: Reveal27:43 - #5: Touch34:04 - RecapResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastFree Dating Skills InfographicsEp. 3 - How to flirt like a feministNon-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful TacticsHave a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!
Are you struggling to keep conversations flowing on dates, Dear Listener? Rest assured, you're not alone – one of the most common questions we receive is, What should I talk about on a date? Join us for part two of our four-part dating skills series, where we are here to guide you in improving your conversation skills.In this episode, we delve into 'juicy conversations' and explore how to keep a conversation going and build rapport effectively. Learn five key skills to enhance your dating conversations:Tapping into Your Senses: Engage your senses to stay present and responsive.Asking Open-Ended and Deep Questions: Learn what deep questions to ask to foster connection.Active Listening: Show genuine interest and understanding in your date's responses.Lingering in Conversations and Silences: Embrace pauses to allow deeper connections to form.Using 'Yes, And': Build connections by affirming and expanding on your date’s ideas.Practical demos highlight what to do and what not to do on dates, giving you actionable insights and equipping you with the necessary tools for creating and sustaining meaningful relationships. By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away prepared and confident, with practical strategies to improve your conversation skills, ensuring your dates are engaging, meaningful, and successful. Tune in and transform your dating conversations into deeper, more rewarding connections.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:20 - #1: Sense06:26 - #2: Open18:09 - #3: Listen27:16 - #4: Linger36:41 - #5: Yes, And45:02 - Summary and ConclusionResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastFree Dating Skills InfographicsEp. 3 - How to flirt like a feministNon-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful TacticsHave a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!
Dear Listener, welcome to the first episode of our Dating Skills Series! We delve into the foundational aspects of positive nonverbal communication, which are essential for creating connections and building attraction on a date. Whether you're a seasoned dater or just starting, these skills are crucial for getting past a first date and building meaningful connections.Join us as we explore key aspects of positive nonverbal communication:1. Breathe: Use your breath to calm and center so you can present your best self.2. Open Body Language: Show openness and availability through your posture.3. Smile: Grin genuinely to indicate attraction and create a warm atmosphere.4. Eye Contact: Harness the power of eye contact to build connection and trust.5. Mirror: Subtly mimicking your date's body language to establish rapport.Tune in to learn the answers to questions like: What is positive nonverbal communication on a date? What are examples of nonverbal flirting? How does smiling indicate attraction? Discover the power of eye contact and open body language, and enhance your social skills for dating success.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:39 - Why dating skills?07:18 - The five positive nonverbal communication skills7:58 - #1: Breathe10:23 - #2: Open13:13 - #3: Smiling15:58 - #4: Eye contact21:39 - #5: MirroringResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastFree Dating Skills InfographicsEp. 3 - How to flirt like a feministNon-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful TacticsFree Quiz: Why am I Still Single?Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!
In this episode, Dear Listener, we dive into some of the most pressing questions about conflict in relationships: Why do we tend to avoid conflict? Why is it important to have conflict? And what is the best way to resolve a conflict?Today's special guest is Julie Barr, LMFT, an expert couples therapist and beloved Relationship Center clinician. She returns to explore the nuances of conflict and its critical role in building stronger relationships. Julie Barr pulls from her 30+ years of experience supporting couples to share her expert insights on why we often shy away from conflict and the potential pitfalls of avoiding it.We begin by unpacking the common reasons behind our instinct to steer clear of conflict, from childhood experiences to societal norms. Understanding these underlying factors sets the stage for appreciating the value of healthy conflict. Julie explains how conflict, when approached with the right mindset, can lead to deeper understanding and connection between partners.The discussion then moves to practical strategies for resolving conflicts effectively. Julie outlines a step-by-step process for navigating disagreements, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, preparation, and communication. Don’t miss Jessica and Julie’s role-play of an argument illustrating how couples can shift from adversaries to allies by adopting a collaborative approach to conflict.By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clear roadmap for transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and intimacy. Learn how to use conflict to strengthen your relationship, ensuring both partners feel heard, understood, and valued. Tune in now to discover the best practices for resolving conflicts and fostering a harmonious, loving partnership.Key Takeaways02:03 - Why do we tend to avoid conflict?08:43 - Why is it important to have conflict?16:27 - What is the best way to resolve a conflict?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 22 - How I-Statements can improve your relationship (examples for couples)I-Statements: A Therapist's #1 Communication Skill for Couples Who Fight Too MuchFair Fighting Rules for Couples: How to Resolve Conflict Effectively in RelationshipsThe Four Horsemen: The Antidotes, strategies for addressing negative communication patterns in relationships, from the Gottman InstituteImago Dialogue: The Basic StepsHave a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Julie Barr), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free
Are you tired of finding yourself in toxic relationships, Dear Listener? Wondering how to break the cycle and find someone who truly complements you? Then this episode is tailor-made for you! Join us as we introduce a practical 5-step process that you can use to finally find healthy, lasting love.We begin with an overview of the four keys to avoiding toxic relationships, then delve into the crucial practice of mindfully assessing compatibility. Learn how to conduct compatibility experiments that quickly clarify your relationship's health. Jessica and Josh share personal anecdotes and practical tips to illustrate how fear-based dating practices lead to high-conflict relationships and what you can do instead.By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with a five-step process that is invaluable in avoiding toxic relationships and mindfully evaluating your potential partners. From clarifying your relationship vision to assessing the data collected from compatibility experiments, you’ll gain the tools to create a loving, secure partnership.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:45 - How do I stop getting into toxic relationships?05:58 - Mindfully assessing compatibility13:19 - Fear-based dating vs. mindfully assessing compatibility24:26 - The five steps to mindfully assessing compatibilityResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastDisentangling from Emotionally Immature People by Lindsay C. GibsonEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideEight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.Ep. 12 - Dating While Healing From TraumaEp. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lastsBig Talk and Heart-Opening Questions: Conversation Tips for Shy Introverts Who Can’t Seem to Find an LTRHave a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would...
Are you wondering, "Do I have to tell my date that I'm queer or trans?" or "Should I tell my partner if I'm questioning my gender or sexuality?" In this episode, we dive into the fluidity of gender and sexuality in relationships with our special guest, Nicole Penrod (she/they). Nicole, an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, dating coach, and couples counselor on our team at the Relationship Center, shares their expertise in navigating these deeply personal topics.We begin by addressing the crucial question of when and how to disclose your queer or trans identity in dating scenarios. Nicole provides thoughtful insights into the factors to consider, emphasizing personal safety and authenticity. Whether you are settled in your identity or using dating as a space to explore, this episode offers guidance on approaching disclosure in a way that feels right for you.Moving into established relationships, we discuss the importance of sharing shifts in your gender or sexual identity with your partner. Nicole highlights the necessity of open communication and the potential pros and cons of hiding such significant aspects of yourself. We explore strategies for discussing these changes, maintaining trust, and fostering an environment of mutual support and understanding in an intimate relationship.Nicole also covers practical ways to explore your sexuality or gender within a relationship. From engaging with community resources and media to journaling exercises and considering ethical non-monogamy, they offer a variety of tools to help you navigate your journey.By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to handle sensitive discussions when your gender or sexuality is in flux. Nicole offers invaluable insights to help you develop the confidence to embrace your true self in your relationships.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:54 - Do I have to tell my date that I'm queer or trans?26:34 - Should I tell my partner if I'm trans or queer?43:21 - How do I explore my sexuality or gender in a relationship?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastGender Reveal podcastGender Stories podcastPolysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica FernAlokTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
Are you and your partner fighting too much, Dear Listener? Chances are you’re not taking advantage of our #1 communication tool for contentious couples – I-Statements!This episode delves into the power of using I-Statements (aka I-Messages) when communicating with your partner. We explore how I-Statements improve relationships by fostering open dialogue and compassion, while You-statements often lead to defensiveness and misunderstandings.After reviewing the benefits of I-Statements, we share examples for couples that clearly show how to frame your communication around feelings and needs. By reviewing I-Statement vs You-Statement examples, you’ll learn how I-Statements encourage calm and empathetic communication.Next, we give you the nitty gritty on how to use I-Statements in relationships. We break down granular differences between I-Statements and You-Statements, such as specificity versus generalization, taking responsibility versus blaming, and focusing on feelings versus thoughts. I-Statements promote understanding and collaboration in relationships, allowing room for multiple perspectives and validating both partners' experiences. But that’s only if you use them correctly, so listen closely for the rules of I-Statements!By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with practical insights and strategies that you can immediately apply to your relationship. This powerful communication tool will help you create a safer and more supportive space for dialogue, enabling you and your partner to enjoy more love and connection.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:42 - What are "I-Statements"?05:49 - How can "I-Statements" improve communication?12:15 - How do you properly formulate an "I-Statement"? And what’s the difference between “I-Statements” and “You-Statements?”33:41 - What if I-Statements feel unnatural or forced?38:16 - Are there times I-Statements aren't useful?42:23 - What if my partner doesn't want to use I-Statements?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastI-Statements: A Therapist's #1 Communication Skill for Couples Who Fight Too MuchFeelings ChartTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!
Dear Listener, are you a sensitive, anxious man who struggles to feel confident while dating? You're not alone! In this episode, host and dating coach Josh Van Vliet shares his personal experience looking for love as a highly sensitive and, at times, insecure man. Spoiler alert: Josh is now happily married to his co-host, Jessica!Jessica plumbs Josh’s dating experiences to answer the question, How do you date successfully when you're a deeply feeling, anxious man? Josh gets real about his experiences and struggles as a sensitive introvert who doesn’t fit society’s picture of a confident, James-Bond-like man. He shares stories and strategies, including how proudly owning his temperament helped him find love.Jessica and Josh also delve into dating while anxiously attached and how being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) affects relationships. They challenge the stigma and stereotypes and offer a fresh perspective on how sensitivity and anxiety can actually be superpowers in the dating world.This episode is a treasure trove of personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical tips for men who feel they're too sensitive for the dating scene.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro03:52 - What is anxious attachment and high sensitivity? 09:56 - What did your dating and relationship journey look like?11:30 - How did your anxiety, attachment styles, and sensitivity show up in your dating experience?15:22 - How did you work with your anxiety in dating?37:04 - Asking someone out as an anxious, highly sensitive man52:50 - How did you keep returning to dating?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastDr. Elaine Aaron’s website, including self assessment for high sensitivityEp. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lastsSomeone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready. ― Nayyirah WaheedTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
Jealous much, Dear Listener? Fret not! In today’s conversation with Julie Barr, MFT, we explore jealousy: what it is, whether it’s healthy, and what to do about it in intimate relationships.You may wonder, What is the true root of jealousy? Julie investigates whether jealousy is a fleeting feeling or an ingrained trait and how it differs from envy. We discuss whether jealousy is a natural, inevitable emotion or a trauma response. To round out our exploration of jealousy’s causes, we explore its link to attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment.Next, Julie shares practical tips for addressing jealousy in romantic relationships, whether you’re in a monogamous or non-monogamous partnership. We delve into compersion, a concept from ethical non-monogamy that can benefit people of all relationship structures. Along the way, we take some fun tangents into boundaries vs. control (hello, Jonah Hill!), how metamours are like axe throwing, and what to do if your partner wants to spend time with an ex.Our guest, Julie Barr, MFT, is a skilled therapist, dating coach, and couples counselor with over 30+ years of experience. She specializes in working with queer, kinky, and non-monogamous individuals, couples, and polycules. Learn more about Julie and schedule a free consultation at relationshipcenter.com/about-julie-barr.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:34 - What is jealousy?20:23 - Can jealousy be healthy in a relationship?39:20 - What is compersion?To get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
Dear Listener, do negative thoughts about your body or your partner’s body stop you from building a satisfying love life?If so, you won’t want to miss our conversation with special guest Jessi Kneeland, a renowned body image coach, author of Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues, and host of the podcast This Is (Not) About Your Body.This illuminating discussion explores how rigid beauty standards sabotage romantic relationships.First, we tackle the common phenomenon of avoiding dating entirely due to negative body image and how body neutrality can help.Next, Jessi provides thoughtful insights on a taboo topic – physical dealbreakers in dating. They discuss ways to suss out true dealbreakers versus those rooted in rigid beauty standards and psychological defenses. We discuss how prioritizing certain physical traits can significantly narrow one's dating pool, the implications of such choices, and what to do about it.Lastly, Jessi offers advice for couples in which one partner reports reduced attraction in response to their partner’s appearance changing, e.g., after gaining weight or aging. Jessi offers a surprising take on how to unpack these complex emotional terrains so that couples can maintain attraction over the long haul.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:42 - What is body neutrality and why is it important?06:49 - How do you date with body image issues?23:06 - “I feel badly about this, but I’m just not attracted to people who…”41:05 - What would you say to couples where one partner “loses attraction” because their partner’s body has changed?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastConnect with Jessi Kneelandhttps://www.jessikneeland.com/Instagram: @jessikneelandTiktok: @jessikneelandYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JessiKneelandJessi’s podcast: This is (Not) About Your BodyBody Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues by Jessi KneelandTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!
Dear Listener, are you navigating a breakup in the New Year? You’re not alone -- the holidays are hard on relationships. Some researchers and experts have even deemed December 11th “Breakup Day” because it sees the most relationship endings.That’s why we’re kicking the year off with "Breakups: Navigating Endings Gracefully & Healing." Psychotherapist and breakup guru Laia Pedreño Mateu offers compassionate insights about how to break up kindly and heal from heartbreak.In this heart-to-heart conversation, we delve into how to part ways with sensitivity and respect, addressing the daunting question: How do you break up with someone thoughtfully? Laia shares her expert advice on handling the immediate aftermath and the natural feelings of abandonment that may follow. We explore practical steps and mindset shifts crucial for healing and moving forward from a breakup.Discover how to respond well when someone breaks up with you, turning a period of pain into one of growth and self-discovery. We wrap up with empowering strategies to rebuild your sense of self and emerge from a breakup stronger and more resilient.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:53 - How do you break up with someone?24:04 - How do you respond well when someone breaks up with you?34:33 - How do you heal from a breakup?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastAbout Laia: https://relationshipcenter.com/about-laia-pedreno-mateuEp. 7 - Stay or go? How to know whether to break up or commit to your relationshipI-Statements blog postHow to fix a broken heart | Guy WinchHow to Not Die Alone, by Logan UryConscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward ThomasMend appEp. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lastsWhat to Look for in Partner free guideSomeone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready. ― Nayyirah WaheedTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person?...
Hey there, Dear Listener! Ready for the third and final chapter in our online dating series? This episode is brimming with all you need to know about filters, messaging, flirtation, and online dating etiquette.Wondering what filters to set on your dating app? Josh does a deep dive into how you can use filters to get higher-quality matches, including pointers on how to set filters for age and distance. We also touch on whether paying for online dating premium features, such as the ability to set filters, is worthwhile.If you’re uncertain who to swipe right on, Jessica offers five great strategies. Next, Josh reviews what to do once you’ve matched with someone – message! We talk about crafting a compelling first message that gives you the best chance of getting off the app and onto a date, including practical tips for flirting and getting past small talk.We answer common questions about online dating timing, such as how long to message before requesting a date and timeframes for responding to messages. Plus, we’re chatting about juggling convos – how many people should you talk to at once on a dating app?Lastly, Jessica reviews the essentials of online dating etiquette, such as how to gently let someone down, the best ways to cancel a date, and how many messages to send if you don’t get a response from a match.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:28 - What filters should I set on my online dating apps?07:40 - Is it worth paying for dating apps?10:03 - What strategy should I use to swipe?15:08 - What do you say when sending a message in online dating?24:00 - How long should I message before meeting with someone in person?26:17 - What is a reasonable response time for messaging on a dating app?30:01 - How do people flirt on dating apps?36:29 - What is proper etiquette for online dating?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideEp. 3 - How to flirt like a feministDateable podcastDeeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy by Ken PageHow to Not Die Alone, by Logan UryTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
We answer a listener's question: Does age matter in a relationship? If you’ve ever wondered, How much of an age gap is OK?, tune in to hear:Age Gap Realities: We review the research, unpacking trends in happiness and commitment in age-discrepant relationships. Listen to hear science’s mixed answer to the question, Can couples with large age gaps last? Beyond Years: We explore how age-gap couples relationships can thrive by focusing on shared values, speaking honestly about their goals, and planning for inevitable life stage differences.Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideMay-December paradoxes: An exploration of age-gap relationships in Western society.Globally, women are younger than their male partners, more likely to age aloneThe marital satisfaction of differently aged couplesA Review of the Factors Associated with Marital Satisfaction‘A Diamond is Forever’ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage DurationGot a burning dating or relationship question for us? Call 415-573-0164 to leave us a voicemail! Alternatively, you can record an audio note on your phone and text it to that number, or email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We may answer your question on an upcoming episode of the pod!
Dear Listener, if you’re ready to take the plunge into online dating, chances are you’re wondering, What should I write in my dating profile? And what is a good online dating photo?We get into the nitty-gritty of perfecting your online dating profile and photos in this episode, which is the second of our three-part online dating series!With lots of specific examples sprinkled throughout, we cover:Profiles that Pop: Jessica reviews the three things you should include in your dating profile, plus pro tips on how to write effectively so you stand out from the crowd.Photo Perfection (and Pitfalls): Josh gives a rundown of what makes a good online dating photo, how to take good pictures (with or without a professional photographer!), and pic pitfalls, including what you should definitely not do in a dating profile picture.Honesty Policy: Jessica delves into how honest you should be on dating apps about dealbreakers, flaws, and other sensitive disclosures such as STI status, mental health struggles, neurodivergence, and limited relationship experience.Audio or Video?: Should you use audio or video prompts in your online dating profile? Let's explore how these can help you stand out from the crowd and build a deep relationship quickly – but only if it’s done well!The first episode of this series looked at whether online dating is worthwhile, which apps to choose, how to stay safe when online dating, how to improve matches, and how much time to spend on dating apps. You can find that episode here: Ep. 14 - Online Dating 101: Choosing the Right Apps and Boosting MatchesAnd stay tuned for the third and final installment of this series, which will dig into online dating messaging, swiping, filters, and etiquette!Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:35 - What should I write in my dating profile?38:41 - What pictures should I use on my dating profile?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideDeeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy by Ken PageMatch’s Singles in America studyThe dos and don'ts of Hinge audio notesHow to Not Die Alone, by Logan UryHow to Take Quality Online Dating Profile PicturesAttachment as a predictor of attraction to humor stylesTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to
Dear Listener, are you diving into the online dating world and wondering, What are the odds of dating apps working?According to a 2019 Pew Research study:23% of US singles find themselves a date online.A promising 10% report that they found a long-term partner online.In addition, a 2017 Stanford University survey found that 39% of heterosexual singles met via online dating, up from just 2% in 1995!Is it worth it to date online? It really depends, so listen now to hear our nuanced breakdown of the pros and cons.Let’s assume you’re ready to plunge into online dating and wonder, Which apps should I be on? We explore your options, including:Swipe-based apps like Tinder and Hinge.Algorithm-based sites such as Match.com and eHarmonyWe give you the low-down on why you might opt for one type of app over the other, which are the most popular, and whether niche dating apps are worthwhile.Jes addresses a common question for our dear male listeners: Are there any dating apps that work for guys? Spoiler: The answer is more about how you engage on the app than on the app’s demographics.We address how many dating apps you should use at a time and how much time to spend on dating apps.Are you already on the apps and not getting matches? We offer high-level tips on how to get more and better matches. We’ll dive into more depth on profile, picture, swiping, and messaging tips in the next episode of this series.Lastly, we address a concern that we often hear from older singles – how to stay safe and avoid getting scammed or catfished when online dating.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:30 - What are the odd of dating apps actually working?05:55 - Is it worth it to date online?12:51 - Which apps should I be on?19:04 - How many dating apps should I use at a time?21:59 - Are there any dating apps that actually work for guys?23:34 - Why am I not getting matches and how do I get better matches?32:16 - What can I do to avoid getting duped/catfished/scammed in online dating?38:34 - How much time should you spend on online dating?45:32 - SummaryResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastPew Research - From Looking for Love to Swiping the Field: Online Dating in the U.S.Disintermediating your friends: How Online Dating in the United States displaces other ways of meetingEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideEp. 5 - How to avoid online dating burnoutLove our show? We love you, too! Stay in touch between episodes by signing up for our newsletter at relationshipcenter.com/newsletter
Dating and rarely finding that elusive spark? This episode is for you!We begin by exploring the mystifying concept of a "spark." What does it mean to feel a "spark," Dear Listener, and is it a prerequisite in the early stages of dating?Next, we discuss whether it’s okay not to feel an instant connection and whether attraction and a spark are synonymous. Is it possible to be attracted to someone yet not feel that instantaneous spark?As we venture further, we dive deep into all the reasons you might wonder, "Why am I not feeling a spark with anyone?" From the Sex & the City Fallacy to asexuality, avoidant attachment, and unrealistic standards, we touch on seven common spark stoppers.You’ll walk away with compassionate pointers about navigating times when the spark seems to be missing more often than not.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:29 - What is a spark?10:31 - 1. The “Sex and the City” fallacy18:19 - 2. Asexuality23:32 - 3. Dating Anxiety29:30 - 4. Unrealistic standards35:51 - 5. Avoidant attachment42:10 - 6. An ineffective dating strategy50:31 - 7. The context is a turn-offResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastThe Asexuality Visibility and Education NetworkExposure Therapy: An Evidence-Based Treatment For Social Anxiety And Dating AnxietyEp. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term PartnerWhat to Look for in Partner free guideDiane Poole Heller’s attachment styles assessmentEp. 9 - Surprising Truths about Attachment StylesEp. 10 - How to develop secure attachmentCome As You Are by Emily NagoskiLove our show? We love you, too! Stay in touch between episodes by signing up for our newsletter at relationshipcenter.com/newsletter
Dear Listener, if you’ve ever felt blindsided by your strong reactions to dating or confused by how the singles in the dating pool behave, this episode is for you!We delve into the hidden impact of trauma on relationships. And if you’re thinking, "Trauma? Not me!" you might be surprised to learn that some experts estimate that 70% of adults experience a significant trauma in their lifetime.During this episode, we break down some common misconceptions about trauma and give specific examples of how unresolved trauma impacts dating and relationships.Opening your heart again after a trauma can be scary and overwhelming; we offer concrete guidance about reentering the dating world, one brave baby step at a time.Last, we offer practical advice about how to date well while healing from trauma, including the common pitfalls to avoid.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro04:42 - Trauma may not be what you think it is09:52 - How does trauma affect dating?25:26 - How do I start dating after trauma?35:00 - Common mistakes when dating after traumaResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastQuiz: Is Unresolved Trauma Stopping You From Finding Love?Common Dating Struggles that Trauma Survivors ExperienceEp. 1 - You aren’t crazy, dating is hard (especially for anxious folx)Exposure Therapy: An Evidence-Based Treatment For Social Anxiety And Dating AnxietyEp. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lastsTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
If you struggle to feel at ease in your relationships, you may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. In the second of this two-part series, we continue exploring how to improve your relationships by developing a more secure attachment style. We discuss actionable tools for shifting from an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style to a secure style. If you haven’t yet, make sure to listen to Part 1 of this series first. That’ll make this episode make a lot more sense 🙂.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:25 - Develop secure functioning skills13:33 - Develop a coherent self-narrative18:40 - Befriend your nervous system20:53 - Practice mindfulnessResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 10 - How to develop secure attachment - Part 1Befriending Your Nervous System by Deb DanaThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der KolkHeadspaceThe Center for Mindful Self-CompassionThich Nhat HanhTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
If you struggle to feel at ease in your relationships, you may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. In the first of this 2-part series, we explore the ins and outs of improving your relationships by developing a more secure attachment style. We discuss how long it takes for an insecurely attached person to become more secure and offer actionable tools for healing an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized style.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro01:49 - What is secure attachment and why is it important?07:56 - Can an insecurely attached person become securely attached?11:36 - How do I go from an anxious/avoidant/insecure style to a secure style?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 9: 7 surprising truths about attachment theoryDiane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles TestWired for Love: A book by Stan Tatkin that explores how attachment theory can inform and improve romantic relationships.Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love: a book by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller on adult attachment styles and how they impact relationships.Platonic by Marisa FrancoSecure attachment playlistPositive Words from MomTo get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter!Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com
"What's your attachment style?" has become a common first date or dinner party question. And for good reason — we can build better relationships when we understand our own tendencies in relationships.But did you know that there are a number of attachment theory myths circulating that might be holding you back from finding love and companionship?Today we explore which attachment styles are healthy, whether it's possible to have more than one style, whether/how you can change your style, and how understanding attachment theory isn't a panacea for all relationship issues.P.S. Make sure to listen all the way through to hear Josh and Jessica awkwardly singing about attachment.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:54 - Myth #1: Your attachment styles developed as a result of early childhood experiences.05:14 - Myth #2: Your attachment style is fixed.09:28 - Myth #3: Insecure attachment is unhealthy or bad.14:49 - Myth #4: You're just one style.29:15 - Myth #5: If you’re insecurely attached, you can’t build secure relationships (unless you find securely attached people).33:44 - Myth #6: In order to build a secure relationship, you have to develop secure attachment first.36:22 - Myth #7: Attachment theory explains everything.39:34 - Bonus Myth and final thoughtsResources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastDiane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles TestWired for Love: A book by Stan Tatkin that explores how attachment theory can inform and improve romantic relationships.Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love: a book by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller on adult attachment styles and how they impact relationships.Beyond the Valentine Chocolates and Roses: Creating a Long-Lasting RelationshipThe Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning RelationshipLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even a short review helps other people find the show!We want to hear from you! Send us your thoughts, questions, and feedback to podcast@relationshipcenter.comLooking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com