It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠It’s Not You—It’s Your Lack of BoundariesTrue progress in your healing journey isn’t measured by avoiding what hurt you but by how you handle returning to places that once caused you the most pain. It’s time to move beyond blame and victimhood and embrace your personal power.The key to overcoming childhood wounds lies in understanding that your past does not control your future. Your self-worth and emotional intelligence are entirely within your hands. Healing is an internal process—one that doesn’t rely on the validation or acceptance of those who raised you.Let’s address the emotional challenge of setting boundaries and the discomfort that comes with it. When you set boundaries, anxiety and fear often arise, but rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, visualize these feelings and acknowledge them. This is the path to breaking the cycles of avoidance and shame.By learning to self-soothe and clearly communicate your boundaries, you’ll discover how empowering it is to no longer depend on external validation. You’ll reclaim your emotional independence and break free from old patterns of relying on others to determine your worth.Right now, an emotional battle is taking place within you—but the power to change it starts with boundaries. It’s time to reclaim your peace and take control of your emotional well-being.Producer: Shelby Buckler

Joe Ryan will host a sixty-minute Q&A session via Zoom once a month with limited spots to ensure full participation. If you'd like to join the discussion, please fill out the form below to receive an email notification when registration opens one week before the next scheduled session.Topics: Trauma, False Self, Family Systems, Addiction,Anxiety, Shame, Emotional Incest, Setting Boundaries Sign Up Here: https://joeryan.com/qanda

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s not you - it’s your family system.   But it’s you, too. It’s time to talk about the necessity of weaning off external validation and learning to live a life aligned with one’s true self.    To heal, you need to do two things—learn to be okay with disappointing people and leave home emotionally. The rage that’s been building for all this time is ready to be released, and now you have to learn to live with it. All I can tell you is that your hurt, anger, and resentment hurt you, and you put way too much value in the people who raised you.     After this realization, loneliness will shine through, but you have to embrace it. If you need to find a surrogate family somewhere with somebody who'll better mirror you, do it. You must start living your life your way and find the places important to you.    Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Do they not like me? What's it going to be like when I show up? How are they going to guilt me and shame me? Then, you need to get a handle on those emotions of shame and guilt and start cutting emotional ties with toxic family systems.   It’s time to work through the impacts of generational trauma and learn the importance of developing self-love and independence. It’s time to achieve a fulfilled and authentic life built for you. 00:00 Introduction to Hard Truths of Recovery 00:21 Dealing with Family and Emotional Separation 05:17 Understanding and Managing Anger 08:04 The Loneliness of Recovery 08:55 Breaking Free from Family Expectations 15:41 Investing in Yourself 25:06 Conclusion and Personal Reflections Host: Joe Ryan Producer: Shelby Buckler

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In the most recent episode of "It's Not You, It's Your Trauma," Joe Ryan delves into toxic relationships. These relationships, characterized by emotional unavailability, abuse, and neglect, often reflect the dynamics we experienced in our early years.  Joe begins by examining why individuals enter and remain in toxic relationships. He explains that our childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic parents often lay the groundwork for our adult relationships. As children, we learn to neglect ourselves and prioritize the emotional needs of our caretakers in hopes of earning their love and approval. This pattern continues into adulthood, where we find ourselves trying to "fix" our partners in an unconscious attempt to heal our childhood wounds. One of Joe's most compelling points is finding comfort in familiar pain. Even though toxic relationships are damaging, they feel normal to us because they replicate the dynamics we grew up with. Being with someone genuinely caring for and nurturing us may be intimidating because it challenges our deeply ingrained beliefs about our worth and value. Joe emphasizes that the key to breaking free from these patterns lies in building our self-esteem and learning to value ourselves independently of others. Joe also discusses the significance of emotional independence. He urges his audience to imagine what it would feel like to leave a toxic relationship and to acknowledge the fear and panic that arise. These emotions, he explains, are rooted in our childhood survival instincts. As children, our survival relied on maintaining an emotional connection with our caregivers, regardless of the harm it caused. In adulthood, leaving a toxic partner can feel like a life-or-death situation because it triggers these same survival instincts. To genuinely heal and move forward, Joe encourages us to make better choices in the present. This entails recognizing our worth, establishing boundaries, and seeking healthy, supportive relationships. He reminds us that although the healing journey is challenging, it is ultimately rewarding. By trying to understand and heal our past, we can create a future filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Anger and hate are both related to unmet needs. When we feel angry, it's because we want something that we're not getting. And when we feel hate, it's because we have deep needs that are not being met, and we're struggling to deal with them. Self-hate is a common problem that many people face, and it can be very hard to overcome. We often hate ourselves because we feel helpless and stuck and don't know how to do things differently. This can be especially challenging if we've been raised in an environment where we were not encouraged to be independent or take care of our needs.  To overcome self-hate, it's important to figure out our needs and start taking steps to meet them. This can be difficult, especially if we've never learned how to do this before. Shifting our focus from hating ourselves to feeling angry at those who have hurt us is helpful. This can be a useful step in the healing process, but it's important not to get stuck in feelings of anger and hate towards others. Ultimately, we must work on understanding ourselves and taking responsibility for our well-being.  This can be a challenging process, and it may involve making difficult decisions, such as cutting people out of our lives or disappointing others. However, it's important to remember that we are responsible for our happiness and well-being. We must learn how to meet our needs and stop depending on others for validation and support. This can be a lonely process sometimes, but staying committed to our growth and healing is important.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ If you grew up in a family system that was shame-based, you may feel weighed down by shame. Shame shields us from pain and neglect, but it's also a burden. Shame-based family systems are harsh and judgmental. As a child, you were exposed to criticism and verbal attacks because people didn't do things the way your family did. When you're shame-based, you need to surround yourself with people who share your views. This can cause you to judge yourself harshly. Shame wants to stay hidden. We fear being judged, so we try to be perfect. Perfectionism often stems from shame. We feel like we're being scrutinized, like a celebrity without the fame. We are usually our harshest critics. As children, we internalize the negative feedback we hear and try to fit into a box that doesn't feel right. We may develop self-hatred for not being like everyone else in our family. We try to conform to an ideal painted for us instead of living our own lives. Some people live their entire lives not realizing they're living a lie. They've bought into the system and think they're defective, broken, or unhappy. But the truth is, being authentic is more important than fitting into someone else's mold.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Many of us are emotionally stuck at a point where we feel that our self-worth is completely dependent on our mother's love and acceptance. This can lead to a deep wound when we don't receive the love and validation we need in the way we need it. In order to move forward and heal, it's important to reach a point in our recovery where our mother's opinion of us no longer has a hold on our sense of self-worth. We must learn to validate ourselves from within, and find the strength to recognize our own worth regardless of outside approval or disapproval. It's a difficult journey, but one that can lead to a life of greater self-love and acceptance. Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few have the courage to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a realization so profound that it changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness that comes with emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because, on the other side of that pain and shame, is freedom. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that no matter how deep the wounds, healing is possible. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few dare to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a profound realization that changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness of emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because freedom is on the other side of that pain and shame. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that healing is possible no matter how deep the wounds. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love. So, if you're ready for an episode that will challenge you, move you, and ultimately inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, listen to Joe Ryan's latest podcast. It might just be the key you've been searching for.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers.  At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers. Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child.  Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.’ They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally.  As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life.  The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves.  In this Episode: Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs! What happens when parents sabotage their children's successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives? Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick Avoid feeling betrayed by our child's independence and lack of need for us. This episode covers the why’s of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child. The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager's later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all involved? This episode reminds us that children can’t be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It’s not healthy for them, and it’s not healthy for us!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ After a long hiatus, Joe is back with a new perspective, insight, and positivity that he is ready to share! Deciding to focus on genuinely caring for himself for a while, Joe is ready to share some of the more important things he learned in this recovery phase. Stepping back from the pressures of constantly self-exposing his shame, embarrassment, and other innermost disappointments, Joe could genuinely focus and work through many things holding him back from obtaining happiness daily! These revelations, new insights, and small victories have brought him to a new place of peace and satisfaction, translating to a renewed ability to share all this with you with greater enthusiasm and focus! In this Episode: We connect the dots between phases, stages, and activities once the light bulb goes on! Working through the hangover and getting used to the new normal Reaching a point that you no longer have to prove your worth to the world Eliminating shame…accept things for what they were Learning to move out further in the direction you want Building things back “Your Way.” Getting back to a place where you can breathe with regularity! This episode shows that you can overcome and work through almost anything to start living the life that you want. Even if you're not sure what it is, it's getting out the shit…the hurt…the victimhood, the learned helplessness and the self-hate. Build up your strength and confidence within yourself so you don't fear rejection, humiliation, and failure. Get to know who you are and the way of living that is right for you! Remember….Recovery is Possible!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Family System Revisited builds off the Family Shame Episode (Episode 69), in which Joe elaborates on the pressures of family expectations and the toll it takes on a person in trying to fit into a family “system.” When we're born, we're born into a system. We are thrown into an existing system and put into a slot. Family systems dictate how you are expected to act, appear in public and how you are supposed to handle actions and emotions from everyone within your inner circle. The pressure to act accordingly and do only what will get you positive attention becomes a burden you can only carry for so long. Eventually, the byproduct of all this shame, whether from someone else or your own self, as you feel you can’t live up to the standard set for you in this unhealthy system. What do you do to lose the feeling of worrying about what everyone wants, thinks, or expects from you? Learn what Joe had to do to teach himself to be ok with being able to survive and being seen in ways that weren't acceptable by his family system and move past all the guilt and shame he felt as a child for wanting things outside his place in the system. In this Episode: Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame. Getting in touch with our anger and emotions Live within your own body…your own self.. without anxiety and fear. Learn that you weren’t put on this earth to fill the holes of parents who can’t fill them in their own lives. Integrate the parts of yourself in your new life that your family won't let you have Build a relationship with yourself…Love is an Inside Job! Learn to dismantle your family system's role to live and deal with the uncomfortable feelings of judgment and shame from your family system! Feel the relief and freedom that comes from releasing the bonds that have been placed on you by your family!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ “Making the Right Choice” directly solves issues you currently experience in your own life with a simple message… "You Can’t Do This Work Alone" In this episode, Joe talks about the important changes he made in his life by finding the right person to guide him through the initial stages of breaking out from where he was at that time to starting to take meaningful actions to move in the right direction. He reveals that It begins with “being seen” and allowing someone you trust to help you move through the phases of an emotional child to a healthy, emotionally balanced adult. Acknowledging you can’t do all of this alone is the first step and a perfectly acceptable way of attacking the issues head on. In this Episode: Having to admit that you need help from others, along with putting in the work needed to find the right “caregiver,” is key Learning to get out of your own way is a key step in the right direction. Work on Being “Seen” and find positive “Mirroring” (the kind you didn’t get as a child) Experiencing the freedom that comes from being “Unstuck.” Having the peace of mind of knowing you are not going through this alone or that these issues and feelings are unique to you Realizing Fear, Trauma, Anxiety, Panic & Shame doesn’t go away by itself. Even with help, you have to keep putting in the work to move past these feelings. Acknowledging that you are a strong person based on the mere fact that you have carried this pain inside you for as long as you can remember is powerful in your progress. It will help you to become brave and courageous to help you become humble and ok to accept help from someone qualified to help. There is no shame in asking for help…humble yourself and open up to somebody who genuinely cares for your well-being. You are going to have to trust someone at some point, even though you have that fear of being burned in the past by someone you feel has betrayed you. The choice to get help is yours…make the right choice!

Can I Recover On My Own? Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008.  - https://theanxioustruth.com/

Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008.  - https://theanxioustruth.com/

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ How do we sit with our pain? How do we learn to grieve loss, innocence, self-respect, and pride…all while learning to empower ourselves to live our daily lives? In this episode, Joe discusses how we need to treat the pain we feel every day the same way we would grieve something even more devasting, like a death of a friend, partner, or family member. His message is that it is ok to take time for yourself to focus on your pains (mental and physical) and how he handles these overwhelming feelings to feel free and go on with his daily life. in this Episode: Realizing it’s ok to wallow in your pain temporarily, just don’t get stuck in it! Learning balance- don’t wait too long to let these feelings build over time and then try to take on too much at once Make plans to sit with yourself as you plan to be with friends. Learn where your feelings reside and learn not to suppress these feelings but to sit with them to build your strength up over time Learning to identify where these pains reside…if it’s physical, where in your body does it reside and how you can rid yourself of it when it appears Giving yourself some space to deal with your thoughts, feel discomfort, and don’t try to run from it – avoid the distractions and focus on where the discomfort comes from and learn to release it Learn to start the process the same way you would go back to the gym after years of sitting on the couch. Start small (light weights) and build this routine up over time until you can handle your bigger and more challenging issues. Learning not to feel shameful for having to stay home just to deal with these feelings Learning that all of your addictions won’t fix your problems and remove the pains This episode provides solid, practical advice on how to deal with all your pains and to learn how the only thing in life that is limiting you is YOU! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

A new episode will be out in a few days. Until then, you can listen to my interview on the Adult Child Podcast. In the interview, we discuss navigating dating with CPTSD, attraction vs. attachment, the importance of developing an unshakable sense of self., setting boundaries with family members, and the importance of sitting with our feelings. Listen On Apple Listen On Spotify

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ Grief…dealing with heartbreak and loss. Most of us have grieved the loss of a loved one… a pet loss, a friend, a parent, or a romantic relationship. The process doesn't have a timeline, and all five stages are not linear, yet they are all intertwined. It’s a big bucket of emotions… grief, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, frustration, fear, resentment, yearning, envy, etc. It's a lot of emotions to sort out, and it all stems from loss. In this episode, Joe covers his own journey that has reached the latter part of this process. Dealing with the recent ending of a year-long romance, Joe painfully shares how the pain process stems from the grief he feels and how he has learned to identify the series of emotions he is experiencing and how you can reconcile those same stages to help you deal with these same emotions. In this Episode: Opening yourself up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and giving away some of your power The George Costanza “do the opposite of your initial thoughts” paradox Not letting your desires outweigh logic Surviving being “Open and Vulnerable” and the strength you gain Dealing with the multiple stages of Grief and when you will know you have reached the last stage This episode builds off the last episode, Cut and Burn. The aftermath of staying in a relationship longer in order to grow from the experience is the conundrum. Part of the grieving process is to get to the point where you accept your role, you accept how you showed up, you accept the humiliation, and you accept all of the good and all the bad. But when we're in our grief and a breakup, all we can see is the hurt and the negative. If we don't get into our vulnerability, and we keep repeating the same patterns that we always repeat, and we cut and burn at the same point, we will never grow. We are never going to become stronger. We will never be able to work on dousing those fears and getting comfortable with being who we are. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Why is happiness so elusive for some? Why do we always feel like we are “on guard”? This episode covers the process Joe has had to practice to make himself feel comfortable and in search of any sense of joy. How do you get to this place when you have had so much trauma and have lived with your “guard up” most of your life? This episode uncovers some important steps you will need to take to move through the process. Learning not to be afraid of feeling joy and how to accomplish this emotion is crucial. Getting over the fears and stop pretending to be someone else, always trying to do only what you are comfortable doing and projecting an image to others that don’t exist is a key component in your quest to find true joy in life! in this Episode: Scanning the room for safety and feeling comfortable Deprogramming & preparing for loss that may never come Being happy in a world where there seems to be no happiness Tapping into the reservoir of Joy Having a relationship with ourselves Being alone isn’t a punishment...its finding out how you really are!  Struggling with the feeling of Joy This episode uncovers the importance of learning how to feed your soul and face your fears to take yourself off the journey of life on auto-pilot. Take time to figure out why you avoid certain situations and how to trust yourself in certain situations when they come up. Don’t paint yourself in a box. Move outside the box and learn to deal with your body's reactions. You have to start somewhere – a place that you may not want to go to first to end up in a place of joy. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Do you find yourself watching what everybody else is doing or how they were feeling? What their anger level or resentment level may be? Are they overwhelmed or feeling peaceful? Is this a safe time or is it a fearful time?  Is your inner safety based on the people around you? If so, you may have experienced “Emotional Incest” as a child. These feelings are the outcome of something deeper that you couldn't comprehend back then…even though you may have sensed something wasn’t right in how you were treated by a parent(s). The topics in the “Emotional Incest” episode delve into how parents use their children to fill emotional holes in their life that stem from an unfulfilled marriage, and how that ultimately affects their ability to maintain a healthy self-image, and relationships in their adult life. Joe uncovers a number of emotions one feels when experiencing this sort of treatment and the steps necessary to course correct yourself now, and in the future. This episode covers many examples of what may be holding you back from being able to have a loving, caring, mutual “give and take” partnership with that special someone. These issues discussed have impacted many of us on different levels, with the greatest level being the recipient of “Emotional Incest”. Topics in this Episode: When two parents are not getting their needs met by each other, they will triangulate and try to get their needs met by their children. How can you rebound from being the recipient of Emotional Incest? Learn how to find your worth and value to give yourself the things that you have given away Learned how to set boundaries- learn how to say no, to stand up for yourself, and to say this is where my emotional responsibility for you ends. Break the pattern of people pleasing and learn to take care of yourself- start loving yourself! Emotional incest victims don't know who they are or what they feel. They know what everybody else feels. Stop giving away your complete self from a place of deficiency. Work towards establishing a balance of give and take and avoid the feeling of fear that if you are constantly not doing enough for other people or they will be quick to leave! The ability to eliminate these fears and to work on your own needs and self-worth are covered in this episode. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ How do we reach a point of truly being able to love? How do we get past the fears we have built up that wall off the ability to feel safe and be able to share ourselves with people, especially with that “special one” when that time eventually arrives?  In this episode, Joe shares his innermost fears regarding being able to give and receive love freely. The topic of learning to be good on your own before you can be good with others highlights the importance of preparing yourself for when the times come you start to feel vulnerable with all others.  Topics in this Episode: Finding that feeling of love without fear… to feel safe without scanning the room for loss, hurt and betrayal Emotions are Energy…love, fear, anger & joy- learn to release and truly “feel” that energy How to deal with feeling ”unprotected” and “out of balance”  The journey inward…pulling back from the world to establish a baseline to learn how to trust yourself (and others) before going back “in”  Learning to stop filling everyone else’s needs and learn to fill your own first The insight in this episode is powerful yet basic. The concept of establishing a firm footing within yourself (and in life) before being able to open up to others leads to feelings of euphoria and freedom that have been walled up for years behind feelings of fear and insecurity. Learning not to fear the things we can’t control will allow you to release the energy crucial to living…and trusting in the process of loving others properly. There is a reservoir of love that is built up inside us that needs to be released. Learn how you can put yourself in that position to pull that lever and let those feelings flow! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/