Marriage Therapy Radio

Zach sits down with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, co-founders of the RaabSmith Team, to talk about their journey from betrayal and addiction to building a thriving marriage and coaching practice. They share candidly about Matthew’s struggles with sex addiction and pornography, Joanna’s experience of betrayal trauma, and the long process of stabilizing their relationship. What began as survival slowly transformed into something deeper, thanks to radical honesty, acceptance, and the development of their “Pyramid of Intimacy,” which helps couples rebuild step by step from honesty to safety, trust, vulnerability, and finally intimacy. Now leading a team of couples who help other couples, Matthew and Joanna demonstrate that it’s possible not only to recover, but to thrive—turning personal pain into a pathway for others. Key Takeaways Addiction doesn’t define the whole story - Matthew explains how accepting his past, rather than hiding it, became the turning point toward freedom and connection. Betrayal trauma is real - Joanna describes how deception and secrecy shattered her sense of safety, and why naming betrayal trauma was key to healing. Honesty is the foundation - Their “Pyramid of Intimacy” begins with honesty, because trust and connection can’t exist without it. Recovery takes time and practice - Small, consistent acts of honesty, even about little things, helped restore safety and rebuild intimacy. Second chances can be stronger - Their “second ‘I do’” is richer and more meaningful than the first, because it’s grounded in truth and intentionality. Purpose, passion, and play fuel intimacy - They emphasize that thriving couples cultivate not just survival, but shared joy and adventure. Guest Info Matthew and Joanna RaabSmithFounders of the RaabSmith Team, Matthew and Joanna are authors, speakers, and coaches specializing in betrayal recovery and intimacy building. Their book Building True Intimacy outlines their Pyramid of Intimacy framework. Together, they lead a team of couples who have walked through betrayal and now help others find honesty, healing, and deeper connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with writer and relationship coach Matthew Fray https://matthewfray.com/, author of "This Is How Your Marriage Ends", and his partner, Jen. Together, they share the story of how their friendship over bourbon turned into a deeper relationship, shaped by lessons learned from past marriages and the blind spots that can quietly erode trust. Matt opens up about how regret from his first marriage fuels his vigilance against repeating old patterns, while Jen explains why she trusted him enough to take a second chance on love. Their candid reflections on ADHD, planning differences, and emotional expression highlight how self-awareness, humility, and accountability create space for a resilient partnership. Zach guides the conversation toward practical insights—why blind spots matter, how humility differs from humiliation, and how relational “paper cuts” can accumulate if couples ignore them. The episode offers a powerful reminder that love after divorce isn’t just possible—it can be stronger when both partners commit to learning and growth. Key Takeaways Blind spots are the silent killers – Most people aren’t malicious in relationships, but their unexamined habits can unintentionally harm trust. Humility protects intimacy – Owning your limitations (like ADHD or defensiveness) allows space for growth without shame. Grace and patience matter – Jen emphasizes that knowing Matt’s challenges means choosing him with them, not in spite of them. Reciprocity in needs – Emotional connection for her and physical intimacy for him form a circle of mutual investment. Coldness vs. stoicism – Jen reflects on how upbringing shaped her emotional availability, and how she works on showing warmth more consistently. Shared values anchor them – A “writer’s brain,” moral compass, and mutual respect form the foundation for long-term confidence in the relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach takes the mic by himself to reflect on pets, parenting, politics, passion, and the practice of relationships. Using his playful “P’s and Q’s” framework, he explores everything from why he doesn’t have the “pet gene” to how parenting young adults is harder and more rewarding than raising little kids. Zach also shares candid thoughts on politics, relational responsibility, and the role of men in advocating for the marginalized. He digs into the meaning of sex, asking the often-overlooked question, “What’s it for?”, and discusses polyamory with new nuance. Along the way, he highlights the importance of practice in relationships, celebrating small wins, and even weaving play into partnership. This episode blends personal storytelling, professional insight, and a call for listener connection, inviting the audience to support the podcast, ask questions, and keep showing up relationally at home and beyond. Key Takeaways Pets & Posts: Zach reflects on not being a “pet person” and his writing project, Stuff I Write. Parenting Young Adults: Letting kids launch is harder than raising them, but seeing them grow into people is profoundly rewarding. Politics & Patriarchy: The current system isn’t relational. Zach urges listeners to focus on how they show up at home and in community, especially men. Purpose of Sex: Asking “what’s it for?” reframes sex as fun, passion, or connection rather than obligation or pressure. Polyamory & Possibility: While not for him, Zach explores polyamory as an expression of expansive love and intentionality. Practice & Play: Relationships get stronger through practice, celebrating small successes, and through playful traditions like Iron Chef dinners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Greg and Rachel Denning, parents of seven, world travelers, authors, and coaches who have built a marriage around adventure and intentional living. They share how their story began with adoption, grew through unexpected pregnancies, and expanded into a lifestyle of global travel and immersion experiences for their kids. From living on a shoestring in Nicaragua with six children to now leading retreats, writing books, and running The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Greg and Rachel open up about the lessons they’ve learned through risk, resilience, and imagination. With candor and humor, they reflect on the importance of listening, navigating differences in intimacy, and approaching both marriage and travel as a hero’s journey, one that transforms you with every challenge and every chapter. Key Takeaways Adventure as a family philosophy – Travel and immersion became their way to educate, bond, and expand imagination. Cycles and chapters – They’ve lived their marriage in 1–3 year “chapters” of babies, moves, and big shifts, embracing change as part of the design. Rock bottom became a turning point – Running out of money in Nicaragua forced them to commit fully to creating their own path forward. Focus creates reality – Greg learned that “where the head goes, the body follows”, what you focus on is what you feel and create. Listening transforms intimacy – Rachel taught Greg how to listen without fixing, which became a cornerstone of their connection. Balancing needs in sex and love – Rachel reframed physical intimacy as a reciprocal need, equal to emotional connection, deepening their bond. Marriage as a hero’s journey – Just like travel, marriage is an adventure through unknowns, challenges, and transformation. Guest Info Greg DenningCoach, author of The Formidable Family Man, and co-host of The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Greg helps men step into their roles as protectors, providers, and present partners. His coaching and writing distill the principles that guided his own transformation. Rachel DenningCo-host of The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Rachel is a writer, speaker, and mother of seven who brings wisdom on adventure, family design, and emotional growth. Her candid stories and practical tools empower women to embrace both courage and connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach talks with Casey and Mike about their journey from young professionals in Washington, D.C., to building a life together in Seattle. Along the way, they share how floating homes, career shifts, parenting two kids, and Casey’s sobriety journey shaped their marriage. Casey opens up about her decades-long relationship with alcohol, the turning points that led her to become a sober coach and podcast host, and how her choice changed not only her own life but the dynamic of her marriage. Mike reflects on what it meant to support her while maintaining his own relationship with drinking, and together they show how honesty, evolution, and mutual respect allow a couple to grow stronger, even when the path takes unexpected turns. Key Takeaways Sobriety reshapes relationships: Casey’s choice to stop drinking created more peace, presence, and honesty at home. Support without judgment: Mike respected Casey’s journey without imposing his own agenda, allowing space for growth. Evolution is part of marriage: Both acknowledge that partners change over time, and embracing that evolution is key to a long-term connection. New rhythms bring deeper peace: The shift from late nights with wine to quieter, intentional time together restored balance and joy. Self-advocacy matters: Casey learned to prioritize her own needs through retreats, friendships, and self-care, which strengthened the partnership. Guest Info Casey Davidson Casey is a sober coach and host of the Hello Someday Podcast, where she helps women reevaluate their relationship with alcohol and discover the freedom and joy of an alcohol-free life. Her coaching practice and programs focus on empowering women, especially busy professionals and moms, to make sustainable changes with compassion and practical tools. Mike Davidson Mike is a longtime educator and coach, currently serving as a middle school principal and varsity coach. His steady perspective and quiet support provided balance as Casey moved through her sobriety journey, while he continues to focus on teaching, mentoring, and family life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach talks with Sarah Rhoades and her boyfriend Grady, a young couple navigating the first year of their relationship. They share how a chance meeting at Grady’s backyard open mic, where he held a microphone for Sarah’s banjo, turned into an unexpected connection built on shared values, openness, and adventure. Sarah and Grady reflect on blending friend groups, learning from divorced parents, and building a “tree trunk” foundation strong enough to handle differences in interests. They discuss the balance between independence and togetherness, the role of transparency, and their approach to the looming challenge of Sarah heading to college. With humor and thoughtfulness, they explore what it means to be intentional about connection, no matter your age. Shared values beat shared hobbies: They connect on deeper principles and character rather than just liking the same activities. Integration matters: Early on, they made intentional efforts to include each other in separate friend groups, creating a unified social circle. Independence strengthens the unit: Inspired by Sarah’s grandparents, they value being able to live individual lives while staying connected as a couple. Radical honesty as a reaction to secrecy: Grady’s experience with passive-aggressive family dynamics led him to favor openness and directness. Parents notice the positive impact: Both sets of parents appreciate how the relationship brings out the best in them. Facing change together: They’re preparing for the shift when Sarah leaves for college, focusing on communication and balance over fear. Resisting cultural shortcuts: Despite living in a hookup culture, they see commitment as natural once you find the right person. Sarah RhoadesA recent high school graduate and musician, Sarah plays banjo and values independence, adventure, and intentional connection. GradyA high school senior who runs a backyard open mic, Grady brings openness, curiosity, and a commitment to honesty into the relationship. Key TakeawaysGuest Info Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Billy and Melissa Hofacker, parents of five, homeschoolers, entrepreneurs, and deeply intentional partners. They share how their relationship evolved from survival mode to something they both now call a “ten.” Through structured connection points like weekly date nights and monthly marriage meetings, the Hofackers have built a resilient, emotionally intelligent partnership. Melissa opens up about postpartum struggles and therapy breakthroughs, while Billy shares how a health scare became a wake-up call for spiritual and emotional growth. From their faith journey to Jiu Jitsu metaphors, the Hofackers offer a practical and heartfelt look at what it takes to grow together over decades, not days. Key Takeaways “Ten” doesn’t mean perfect; it means committed: Even with five young kids and busy schedules, Billy and Melissa see their marriage as a ten because of the consistent work and shared mindset they bring to it. Systems build connection: Weekly date nights, monthly family and marriage meetings, and Sunday listening sessions help them stay aligned and emotionally available. Initiating connection is a skill: Melissa learned to lead with vulnerability instead of waiting for Billy to go first, transforming the emotional tone of their marriage. Transformation starts within: Billy’s health scare sparked personal growth that made him a more emotionally present husband and father. Faith goes deeper when life gets harder: Their spiritual path moved beyond habits and routines into intimate, soul-stretching territory, especially in moments of crisis. Jiu Jitsu shaped Billy’s identity: He credits the discipline, humility, and emotional control he learned on the mat with strengthening his role in the marriage. Guest Info Billy Hofacker Entrepreneur, host of the Your Fitness Money Coach podcast, and Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, Billy helps service-based business owners grow profitably through yourfitnessmoneycoach.com. His blend of structure, discipline, and humor brings strength to both his work and his marriage. Melissa Hofacker Homeschooling mom of five and Billy’s partner in transformation, Melissa brings spiritual depth, emotional intelligence, and candid reflection. Raised in a pastor’s home, she’s forged a personal path of healing and connection grounded in faith and honesty. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with his mother Joe and his stepfather Otis to explore their journey from painful pasts to a peaceful present. Joe and Otis reflect on their “practice marriages,” the controlling dynamics they each endured, and the moment they realized they wanted something different. They share how a foundation of friendship, autonomy, and mutual respect became the bedrock of their 25-year relationship. From non-dating to dancing, from beach trips with girlfriends to golf trips alone, Joe and Otis have built a partnership that celebrates individuality and shared joy. You’ll hear about Otis’s journey of temper management, Joe’s reclaiming of personal agency, and the subtle, intentional kindness that keeps their love strong, despite physical pain, aging bodies, and the trials of real life. Key Takeaways There’s life after divorce—and it might be the better lifeBoth Joe and Otis came from long, controlling marriages. Their second partnership, formed later in life, is more respectful, equal, and full of joy. Friendship is the foundationTheir relationship began as school colleagues and friends, then grew over time into something deeper, supported by laughter, shared values, and trust. Kindness is the cornerstoneOtis says the best description of their marriage is that they’ve “learned to be very kind to one another.” The five-minute anger rule worksOtis, who struggled with rage in his youth, now uses a strategy where he’s allowed to be mad for five minutes, then lets it go. Joe even sets a timer. Agency mattersJoe talks about finally being able to “be herself” in this marriage, without fear, control, or pressure. Otis’s calm, non-controlling nature allows her space to thrive. Caregiving is mutual and meaningfulAs they age, they care for each other with intention and grace. Joe says she always knew Otis would take care of her, and she’s glad to do the same. Guest Info JoeZach’s mom. OtisZach’s stepdad and former high school gym teacher. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Monica Tanner—coach, podcast host, and author of Bad Marriage Advice—and her husband Ben, a self-proclaimed private “civilian.” Together, they share how their 23-year marriage has evolved from survival mode to a deeply intentional partnership. The conversation moves from parenting young adults to debunking cliché marriage advice like “don’t go to bed angry” and “happy wife, happy life.” Monica opens up about abandonment wounds, anxiety, and the healing that came through personal work and communication. Ben offers a grounded perspective on emotional processing, individual growth, and learning how to show up with humility and humor. Whether you're the fixer or the withdrawer in conflict, this episode offers insight into how couples can grow together by getting curious, staying patient, and prioritizing mutual respect. Key Takeaways Bad marriage advice lingers—until you replace it with something better Monica and Ben describe how the phrase “don’t go to bed angry” caused years of unnecessary distress until they found a compassionate workaround that honored both their needs. Self-work strengthens the marriage Ben emphasizes how personal growth—working on his patience and emotional regulation—helped him become a better partner. Conflict patterns are rooted in the past Monica shares how her abandonment trauma shaped her reactions in marriage, and how learning to identify and express her emotions helped them both grow. Intentionality transformed their relationship A moment of debilitating anxiety marked a turning point for Monica, leading her to redefine how she showed up in her family and marriage. Fun, friendship, and physical activity keep them connected From daily walks to travel adventures, Monica and Ben prioritize shared time, conversation, and experiences as cornerstones of their relationship. Guest Info Monica Tanner Relationship coach, podcast host, and author of the upcoming book Bad Marriage Advice.  https://www.monicatanner.com/  Ben Tanner Entrepreneur. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach connects with listeners Paul and Symone during a road trip break near Austin. Speaking candidly from the front seat of their car, they reflect on their blended family, the nuances of a 20-year age gap, and the emotional work of learning to love each other's children. As Paul and Symone navigate the complexities of second marriages, they share how gardening becomes their safe zone, how compassion becomes their compass, and how front porch conversations turn into moments of healing. With honesty and warmth, they unpack what it means to stay connected—even when it’s hard—and how legacy, curiosity, and forgiveness shape their evolving partnership. Key Takeaways Gardening is their neutral groundPaul and Symone use time in the yard to reconnect, calm conflict, and remind each other they’re on the same team. Blended families are complex and require graceSymone opens up about the challenges of bonding with a stepchild, while Paul reflects on the tension of balancing empathy between partners and exes. Compassion builds connectionThey describe compassion as an effort to understand without assigning blame—a shared value that anchors their relationship. The front porch is for growthOne-on-one talks with Jacob, Paul’s son, often happen on the porch, where Symone finds space to show up as a gentle counselor. Curiosity over certaintyThey agree that leading with curiosity—about each other, their triggers, and their kids—invites growth more than judgment ever could. Guest Info PaulA behavior specialist and elementary school teacher, Paul brings his social-emotional learning work into his family life. SymoneSymone is a school administrator, teacher, and mom navigating the second chapter of marriage with curiosity and intensity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Anna Rahe, fascia expert and founder of Genius of Flexibility, and her husband Daniel for an honest, layered conversation about what it looks like to “raise the grade” in a long-term partnership. As Anna and Daniel explore the habits they’re unlearning—and the ones they’re trying to reinforce—they reflect on the small ways they grade their relationship, how conflict becomes a chance to build trust, and why staying curious about each other matters more than winning any argument. You’ll hear how their somatic awareness, emotional mismatches, and willingness to slow down help them stretch not just their bodies, but their capacity for connection. Key Takeaways The grade you give your relationship changes Anna reflects on how her internal scorecard has shifted over time. Repair is a practice, not a performance Daniel shares that real progress means learning not to rush to a fix but to create space for the process. “Holding space” takes effort and awareness Instead of stepping in to fix things, Daniel is learning to simply stay present and supportive. Curiosity beats control Both agree that asking, “What’s going on for you?” opens more connection than trying to solve or control. Guest Info Anna Rahe Founder of Genius of Flexibility, Anna Rahe is an educator, somatic practitioner, and fascia expert dedicated to helping people unlock emotional and physical healing through the body’s connective tissue. Her work has appeared in Goop, Vogue, and TEDx. Daniel Daniel is Anna’s husband and partner in the slow, intentional work of emotional growth. His grounded presence, self-awareness, and reflections on support and repair add depth and relatability to this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with couple Victoria Shalet and Adam James for a thoughtful and honest conversation about navigating the complexities of partnership. Drawing from their experiences in psychotherapy and performance, they unpack how their personal and professional worlds inform the way they connect, communicate, and occasionally clash. Through light banter and open reflection, they explore moments of conflict, the importance of language in de-escalating tension, and the ways in which curiosity and humor keep them grounded. The episode offers listeners a window into a real, evolving relationship—complete with vulnerability, insight, and a shared desire to do better. Key Takeaways Words carry emotional weightReplacing phrases like “that’s crazy” with “that’s surprising” can reduce defensiveness and create more space for empathy. Curiosity is a relationship strengthBeing able to ask your partner, “What’s really going on here?” rather than jumping to conclusions can keep you connected even in disagreement. Repair isn’t a performanceWhat matters most is showing up after a rupture and trying again, not always getting it perfect in the moment. Therapy and acting intersectUnderstanding roles, scripts, and self-reflection can enrich how we navigate relational dynamics—but they don’t make us immune to the mess. Laughter lightens the loadHumor isn’t just a relief valve—it’s a tool for staying close during tough conversations. Guest Info Victoria ShaletA former actor turned psychotherapist, Victoria now works with clients to build emotional resilience and deeper self-awareness. Her therapeutic lens brings nuance and reflection to how she shows up in her relationship. Learn more at spaceinme.com. Adam JamesAdam is a seasoned British actor with credits across television, theatre, and film, including roles in Doctor Foster, I May Destroy You, and Belgravia. His insight into communication, presence, and emotional fluency offers a unique complement to his partner’s therapeutic perspective. View his work at IMDb. Key Takeaways Guest Info Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined again by clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a direct and thoughtful exploration of how language shapes conflict in relationships. Together, they dissect common but often misused terms like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” and “codependent,” highlighting the real harm that can come from assigning labels without clear definitions or clinical backing. Shannon brings clarity and nuance to a conversation that many couples face in therapy: how do you talk about what’s not working without turning your partner into a diagnosis? They explore why describing behavior—not assigning blame—builds trust and forward movement. The conversation also touches on the research around what actually predicts relationship success and how couples can stay grounded in hope and creativity, even in difficult seasons. Key Takeaways The problem with labelingTerms like “narcissist” and “gaslighter” are frequently misapplied.  Talk about behavior, not pathologyYou don’t need a diagnosis to identify harmful or unhelpful dynamics. Focusing on specific behaviors allows for clarity and change. The traits that actually matterZach discusses the importance of approaching our relationship with hope and creativity. Guest Info Dr. Shannon CurryDr. Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist with advanced training in trauma therapy, couples counseling, and high-conflict relational dynamics. She is the founder of the Curry Psychology Group, a team-based mental health practice in Southern California. Shannon is known for her clarity, compassion, and expertise in both therapeutic and legal settings. Website: currypsychgroup.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach continues his conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a vulnerable and intellectually engaging conversation that blends personal storytelling, relationship science, and unexpected insight. Shannon opens up about how her own relationship defied her expectations, thanks to what she learned from psychologist Tai Tashiro’s research on the three personality traits that lead to lasting happiness. They dive into what it means to choose a partner based on substance over spark, how grief and trauma can shape family planning decisions, and why admiration—not just chemistry—can sustain love. Shannon also shares her deeply personal journey of caring for her father through dementia and how it’s connected to her professional values and sense of purpose. This episode is rich with real-life honesty, expert-backed wisdom, and the kind of reflective conversation that stays with you long after the final minute. Key Takeaways The Three Relationship Traits That Matter Most: According to Tai Tashiro’s research, conscientiousness, low neuroticism, and moderate adventurousness are better predictors of lasting relationship satisfaction than looks or wealth. Choosing the Right Kind of Chemistry: True intimacy often comes from admiration and emotional safety, not physical attraction alone. Love Without Children: Shannon shares why she and her husband Ty are "childless by choice" and how past grief shaped that decision. Caregiving as Sacred Work: Shannon reflects on caring for her father through dementia and how her training as a psychologist helps her meet his needs with dignity and compassion. Letting Go of the Checklist: Her personal love story challenges societal norms around partner selection and encourages listeners to rethink what really leads to long-term happiness. Guest Info Dr. Shannon Curry Clinical and forensic psychologist Founder of Curry Psychology Group Certified in the Gottman Method High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships @currypsychgroup on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Dr. Shannon Curry—clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and founder of the Curry Psychology Group—for a nuanced discussion about what happens when couples “team up” against their therapist in session. Drawing on her forensic background and deep clinical insight, Shannon explores the subtle dynamics of triangulation, conflict avoidance, and the emotional strategies people learn early in life to stay safe in relationships. Together, Zach and Shannon talk about how the therapeutic space can trigger old wounds, what it takes to speak hard truths in love, and why being emotionally honest is often the most generous thing a partner can do. With warmth, curiosity, and real-life anecdotes, this episode speaks directly to the complexity of partnership—and the courage it takes to grow within one. Key Takeaways When Couples Turn on the TherapistShannon shares how one partner will sometimes rush to “protect” the other during difficult feedback, forming an unconscious alliance that derails growth—and puts the therapist in the role of the enemy. Emotional Manipulation as a Survival StrategyMany clients learn passive or controlling behaviors in childhood because direct expression wasn’t safe. These aren’t character flaws—they’re adaptive tools that once worked. Conflict as a MirrorThe messiest moments in therapy often reflect old attachment wounds. Shannon emphasizes that when conflict emerges in session, it's not a sign of failure—it’s a signal of something important beneath the surface. The Generosity of TruthZach proposes a compelling reframe: that emotional honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable—is a gift of generosity in relationships. Shannon agrees, calling truth-telling a spiritual value in her work. The Truth Will Set You Free... EventuallySometimes growth hurts. Shannon shares a quote from her boarding school that sticks with her: “The truth will set you free—but first it will make you miserable.” Guest Info Dr. Shannon Curry Clinical and forensic psychologist Founder of Curry Psychology Group Certified in the Gottman Method High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships @currypsychgroup on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Previously available only to our Patreon supporters, this special episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert is now being released to the full Marriage Therapy Radio audience. In this candid and heartfelt conversation, Zach interviews his longtime co-host, Laura Heck, and her husband, Ryan Heck, to explore what it’s really like to be married to a relationship expert. You’ll hear honest reflections, unexpected challenges, and plenty of humor as they open up about the reality behind the podcast mic. Laura and Ryan talk about how therapy shaped (and sometimes complicated) their dynamic, what they’ve learned about conflict and connection over the years, and how their relationship continues to grow. It’s real, it’s vulnerable, and it’s full of insights that any couple, expert or not, can relate to. This is real life, not a therapy room: Laura explains how her skills as a therapist don’t always transfer cleanly into her marriage. Conflict isn’t failure: Ryan shares how he used to fear that fighting meant something was wrong, and how he’s redefined that belief. Growth takes time (and patience): Both Laura and Ryan open up about how emotional literacy didn’t come naturally, and still requires practice. Connection over perfection: A recurring theme in the conversation is letting go of being right or perfectly understood, and focusing instead on meaningful connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Baya Voce and Emmy Bush to talk about falling in love hard and fast, hitting a wall after the wedding, and what it takes to rebuild a relationship rooted in honesty, health, and play. The couple, known for their wildly creative wedding (think Burning Man meets RuPaul meets adult summer camp), dive deep into what really happened once the party ended. They speak candidly about the emotional fallout after getting married, the surprising way attachment systems get triggered by commitment, and how chronic health issues nearly broke them. What followed was not a breakup—but a rebuilding. One that required therapy, nervous system repair, personal accountability, and a whole lot of humor. Baya and Emmy don’t just offer advice—they embody a kind of radical relational creativity. You’ll hear about their cake competitions, their “Spock Mind Meld” reconnection rituals, and their profound respect for giving each other freedom inside commitment. Key Takeaways Commitment Triggers the Nervous SystemGetting married activated their attachment systems in a new way, challenging their sense of freedom and safety. This is a common but under-discussed phenomenon in newlyweds. Health Impacts ConflictPost-wedding, Emmy’s health deteriorated due to mold toxicity, and Baya’s stress response was in overdrive. Their physical states made emotional regulation nearly impossible, leading to what they called “nothing burgers” turning into huge fights. Processing Isn’t Always the AnswerDespite being a therapist and being in therapy, they realized their go-to relationship tools (like deep processing) weren’t what the relationship needed. What it needed was play, softness, and space. Staying = GrowingThey describe “packing their bags but never leaving,” demonstrating that staying through the hard parts gave them the space to evolve as individuals and as a couple. The Relationship Is Its Own EntityInspired by their mentor, Baya describes how the relationship has its own needs, separate from individual preferences. Honoring those needs became the key to rebuilding trust and connection. Guest Socials https://www.instagram.com/baya_voce/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined by Darren and LaVerna Wilk to explore the journey of maintaining a thriving marriage through the transitions of parenting, fostering, and embracing the empty nest phase. With over 35 years of marriage and five daughters, they share insights on shifting from parenting to partnership, cultivating friendship, and keeping their relationship adventurous. They discuss planning intentional "midlife crises" to infuse novelty into their marriage, the importance of repair as a core practice, and how prioritizing their relationship has strengthened their family. Their experiences as foster parents and therapists provide a unique perspective on building resilience and connection in long-term relationships.Best Marriages Key Takeaways Embracing the Empty Nest: LaVerna reflects on finding joy and predictability in an empty house, and how her relationships with her daughters have flourished as they gained independence. Intentional Midlife Adventures: The Wilks share how planning shared adventures, like off-road Jeep trips, has brought excitement and growth to their marriage. The Power of Repair: They emphasize that conflict resolution is about building the muscle of repair, trusting that they can return to and resolve issues when ready. Marriage as the Foundation: Prioritizing their marriage, even when it meant disappointing their children, has been key to their enduring partnership. Reconnection Rituals: After time apart, they use intentional rituals to reconnect and realign emotionally, ensuring their bond remains strong. Darren Wilk, R.C.C., M.A., C.G.T. and LaVerna Wilk, R.C.C., M.C., C.G.T. Co-founders of Best Marriages Certified Gottman Therapist and Advanced Trainer Best Marriages Couples counseling center based in Langley, BC Offers Gottman Method therapy, workshops, and intensive sessions Visit Best Marriages Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this concluding episode of the guest-host series, Desirae Ysasi and Zach dive into the art of reparenting, integration, and communication in relationships. They explore what it means to revisit your childhood self while also allowing your younger self to guide you through present challenges. Desirae opens up about the overwhelm of parenting through work stress, sharing how her daughter’s recent emotional outburst became a mirror for her own emotional state. Zach reflects on a recent conference experience, the power of being seen by your partner, and how receiving feedback can sometimes feel like being put under a microscope. They also discuss the five winning strategies for building intimacy, from speaking to make things better to cherishing what you have. Desirae explains her concept of “history-colored glasses,” a powerful metaphor for how our past influences our present reactions. Whether you’re struggling to communicate or trying to feel more connected to yourself and your partner, this episode is full of practical, reflective insights. Key Takeaways Reparenting the Inner Child Desirae explains that reparenting is about becoming the parent you needed as a child, addressing unresolved wounds, and learning to provide yourself with the nurturing and validation you may have missed. History-Colored Glasses The way we see the world is deeply influenced by our past experiences. If you grew up around loving, joyful yelling, loud voices will feel warm. If yelling was traumatic, it will feel threatening. The challenge is to rewrite those old scripts. Learning to Speak to Make Things Better Desirae emphasizes that many of us speak to unload or defend, not to improve the relationship dynamic. Shifting to a “speak to make things better” mindset can completely alter the tone of conflict. Cherishing as a Practice of Receiving Cherishing isn’t just about giving love—it’s also about receiving it. Desirae explains that learning to accept even small gestures from your partner can be just as transformative as grand gestures. Integration: Bringing All Parts of Yourself to the Table Zach reflects on his own experience of feeling fragmented, wondering how to integrate all parts of himself rather than prioritizing certain aspects and neglecting others. Desirae affirms that all parts have a place, even the wounded, anxious, or insecure ones. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences. Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility. This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow. Key Takeaways  Curiosity Over CertaintyZach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences.  Self-Esteem as a Spiritual ConceptDesirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness.  Therapists are Still Learning, TooZach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity.  Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized BodyDesirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices