Melrose Place Cast

In this special mini-sode to round out September (don't judge us this show is getting difficult to keep up with) - we are joined by our all-star special guest Christopher to discuss some erotic art he created and why Teege finds Matt Fielding *so hot* but Doug Savaant *so not*.

Official court proceedings, Arby's, MTG, Laura Loomer, all wrapped up in one episode!

WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST - CHRISTOPHER FROM MELROSE SHELTERING IN PLACE PODCAST!And, just like that, Jane's gone? For some reason the writers wanted to put Jane through hell to justify to the audience that she was leaving. But, like, did we need to be convinced to be okay with this turn of events? Sydney set it all up, and now owns the Boutique.Sam and Billy are in that gross phase of a relationship where everything is perfect whereas Matt and Dan are in the exact opposite phase.Peter is trying to re-win Amanda's trust, and it's been a minute for us so we had to remind ourselves what their issue was.The Kimberly storyline is taking it's time, and Michael gets married again! So, let the record show, season five, episode fifteen, was likely the only episode to feature four Mrs. Mancinis.

George Washington famously stepped down from power and warned a young nation against dangerous alliances.Jo Reynolds did the same, only with more denim and a stolen baby who was breastfed by Kimberly Shaw.In this gripping farewell, Jo says goodbye to Melrose Place, and sanity itself, with a heartfelt address about betrayal, kidnapping, and rocking chairs that still haunt her dreams.May God bless you. And may Kimberly never lactate in your direction.

Oh, I get it now, Peter's an accidental doctor because he did a surprise tracheotomy or whatever that word is. Thus ends the Peter paralyzed by fear storyline. This should help his relationship with Amanda.Matt and Dan take a dark turn as Dan punches Matt in the face in a scene that was oddly steamy, not because of the violence but because of Matt's fierceness.Jane. Ugh, whatever.Jake and Alison are having marriage talk, soft launching the idea.Sam and Billy are hooking up. Sydney is selling art and landing herself with Carter. Craig is this quickly a peripheral character. Willing to bet that changes soon.Kimberly is getting the divorce, and making sure Megan and Michael get married. But, Michael is getting suspicious.

Barack Obama united a nation with three simple words: Yes We Can.Rhonda Blair divided a dinner party with one simple action: bringing pasta and accidentally revealing Jane’s attempted abortion.In this episode, we honor President Obama’s call to hope and possibility, then pivot to Rhonda’s call to never, ever boil water without understanding the consequences.It’s not just a kitchen. It’s a cautionary tale.Yes We Can… but should we have?

Well, we can only assume that the episode title writer was on vacation or got involved with Kimberly Shaw because there's no clear indication what this title had to do with the episode.Taylor continues as though she was written as two characters - being oddly obsessive with Peter but normal in all other cases.Kimberly is going to unalive herself joyfully.They did it again - turned Jane's story line, which was the main plot for the week, boring.Sydney brings a little spice, both to Jane and mommy and Samantha and Kyle, but largely, this week was rough.

In 1851, Sojourner Truth delivered a soul-shaking speech demanding that women, especially Black women, be seen, heard, and honored.In Season 3 of Melrose Place, Alison Parker delivered a similar plea… when she skipped an entire week of work to cry about a voicemail from Billy.This episode explores the historic intersections of abolitionist feminism and workplace flakiness, culminating in a passionate monologue about blackouts, breakups, and being just barely employed.Ain’t I a Creative Director?

Is this title Shakespearean dumb or just dumb? Either way, Jane is desperately seeking mommy, using a whole lot of insensitive terminology about whether Sydney is her "real" sister or how she can find her "real" mother. Teege tees up on this bullshit.Kimberly continues her weird separation game with Michael, for the benefit of Michael. As a reminder, she hired a prostitute to entertain Michael while she was in her sexless era, but then elevated the arrangement to marriage when she got a terminal diagnosis.Sam, Billy, and Craig are all up in this really weird love triangle, where we are to believe that Sam is offended that people think she's sleeping with Craig. Is that what the 90s were like? For the record, you can start a rumor that we are sleeping with Craig. Separately, of course, because we are classy ladies.Amanda, Peter, Kyle, and Taylor continue their skulldruggery. I get that they're trying to recycle the old tropes in new ways, but this added element of the long-dead sister-wife is weird, even for Melrose Place.

In the first of a new approach, we took robot remix, and asked it to guide Mary through a series of gutwrenching choices.Did robot misunderstand the phrase "robot remix" and make this all sci fi supernatural high tech matrix-y?Yes.We'll fix it next time.

If you had asked us to predict what would cause the longest episode of our podcast ever - we would not have said it was Jane searching for her mother. Truth be told, it's because we started recording much earlier in the evening and felt totally unrestrained.Anyway, we got some gay drama at the restaurant with Matt finding out boyfriend doctor is controlling thanks to yet another patient gay boyfriend doctor had been with. Also, let's not forget, that scene gave us this iconic line: "I've never had a problem with alcohol. It's just drugs."Kimberly and Megan continue to operate the trade off for Michael, where Kimberly is showing herself to be incredibly selfless. She is sacrificing her happiness for the last few weeks/days/months/whatever-the-plot-requires of happiness for Michael's future. Which, bad news, I don't think this fourth bride is the one he has been waiting for.Drama and intrigue with Arthur and Craig Field, still a bullshit last name since we already hat Matt Fielding, but Craig is getting mixed up with Amanda (A-card talent) and Billy (C-card talent) making it difficult to place where he belongs.Kyle threatens Peter to never touch his wife. By "his" I mean Kyle's - he's telling Peter to never touch Taylor. This is a long podcast.

Well, well, well. Let's look back and revisit the joy that was season four. The guest stars, and there were plenty of them, who left us too soon. But which ones would we most want to spend some more time with, if we could? Well, we'll work through this the hard way - and by that, we mean, we're going to include the Parezis in this little game.One pairing at a time, we'll come to a consensus about which guest star we'd like to see a bit more of - until we ultimately come to a winner.First, the Men's Division.Jacke Parezi v. Bobby PareziVince Parezi v. Dr. O'MalleyAlan Ross v. Dave EricksonRichard Hart v. Vic MunsonNext, the Women's DivisionAlycia Barnett v. Nurse BensonBrandi Carson v. Teri CarsonClaire Duncan v. Shelly HansonLaurie & Tyler v. Dr. Joyce BrothersWe'll relive some of the best (and worst!) parts of season four on our way to getting to a winner. (Or, winners?)

Well, Gail is here, and she is bored.Jane's adopted, as revealed by blood types.Alison doesn't want Jake telling her what to do with her career.Peter is getting stage fright in the same room he tried to murder Amanda Woodward.Kyle comes off as toxic to Gail, who has no backstory, and we can't disagree.Craig Fields who should have a different last name because of Matt Fielding already being a character, takes over D&D but whatever.Sam paints the courtyard, and literally tells multiple people, "It's the courtyard!"Friends, it is clearly the courtyard. Just blue.Michael and Megan are continuing their weird situation with Kimberly.Matt's boyfriend is being a bit bougie and controlling.

Well, when a plan doesn't come together as intended, what happens? Chaos, insurgency, murder, arson, death, destruction, and perhaps one character who sneaks away to plot revenge and a sequel...

Let the record show, we tried very intentionally to be culturally sensitive to a tribe of people who refuse to let us get to know them, to understand their beliefs, customs, and values. Every time we ask, it's just arrow to the chest.Which certainly makes for an interesting pool-side mixer.

Well, by hook or by crook, these two crazy scamps got a group of North Sentinelese to settle into Melrose Place. Hijinx ensue.

We're dealing with first contact, and immediate regret. This week, we take a little dip into a North Sentinelese pond and imagine what would happen if Kimberly and Sydney rolled up on this untouched island.

Well, we're going through with it. All common sense and cultural sensitivity available to us is needed to get through this five-week series.This week, we're zeroing in on *what* Kimberly is doing, how Sydney fits in, and *why* it may just be her most humanitarian work yet.

Well, we're doing what we normally do - taking the half-way point of the year to SLOW DOWN the recording schedule.What's that? You want to know how we could slow it down more than we have? Fair question.Either way, we wanted to give you some hot, fresh, Melrose Place content.Inspired by this idiot, we used robot to imagine what it would look like if we took a tribe untouched by modern society, and moved them into Melrose Place.Mykhailo Polyakov ID'd US tourist who visited untouched Andaman Islands tribe

On a more professional podcast, Teege was chastised for finding a way to work Jimmy Carter into discussions of Melrose Place.Challenge accepted, Nathan.