Next Up: Narcissism

What manipulative tactics are used to maintain control and power over former partners once the relationship is over? In this episode, Dr. Z unpacks the emotional fallout of a breakup with a narcissist and tackles the fears that arise when they move on to someone new. Why does it feel like their new partner is getting the idealized version of them you tried so hard to keep? And what does this reveal about their behavior patterns?   Dr. Z explains the dynamics at play—from character assassination to love bombing— and how these behavior patterns are part of a cycle, not a transformation. She also covers practical strategies, like going no-contact and setting boundaries, to protect yourself from the emotional chaos narcissists create.   Is it worth you warning the narcissist’s new partner? Dr. Z shares why this often backfires and why the best way to reclaim your peace is by focusing on your own happiness and living your best life. This episode is a reminder that healing starts with understanding the function behind a narcissist’s actions and choosing to prioritize your well-being.   Quotes “One of the things I find with several of my patients is that there’s this fear, as irrational as they may know it is, that this new person is going to get this idealized version of your ex. Meaning, they’re going to get the ex that you spent the entire relationship trying to get back. That was the person who was love bombing you from the beginning of the relationship. That’s really what you were chasing the entire relationship: to get that back—what could you do to get that back? Sometimes it would be dangled in front of you, only to be taken away. You never knew when it was going to show up because there was no rhyme or reason, and that’s one of the things that kept you so locked into this toxic dynamic.” (01:56 | Dr. Z) “The narcissist can’t afford to have alone time. Why? Because a narcissist basically does not exist unless they have people in their orbit giving them supply. That’s their lifeline. Without that, they don’t exist. So, if they break up with you, or you break up with them, they’re never going to be alone. This is one reason for the high likelihood of infidelity—they need backup. They need someone in the wings should you leave, or they leave you. More likely than not, the narcissist had other people. And I’m talking about both men and women here, as women can be narcissists too. So, in most cases, there will be other people.” (06:10 | Dr. Z) “Somebody who is a narcissist is a narcissist always in every domain, in every aspect of their world.” (08:51 | Dr. Z) “The best form of response to a narcissist is to live your absolute best life.” (31:31 | Dr. Z)   Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“The abuser often maintains that facade of having it together and looking after their partner. It’s that image we tried to set up immediately,” says award-winning director Jack Stockley. He opens up about his true purpose behind his short film “Purgatory,” - to reveal the quiet devastation of coercive control in abusive relationships. By portraying the abuser as charming and well-composed, Jack exposes a disturbing duality that keeps the abused partner isolated and questioning their own reality. His film’s nuanced storytelling challenges viewers to see beyond appearances and recognize the silent suffering hidden beneath the surface.   In this episode, Jack joins Dr. Jaime Zuckerman to discuss the behavioral nuances of his film and the often subtle patterns of narcissistic abuse. How do you depict domestic violence without showing physical violence? And what makes coercive control so difficult to recognize, even when it’s happening right in front of us? Jack shares how “Purgatory” uses subtle details, such as visual cues and carefully crafted dialogue, to immerse viewers in the isolating, and often invisible, world of psychological abuse. This episode encourages us to look deeper into the patterns of narcissistic abuse, so that we can recognize red flags sooner. “Purgatory” is not only a compelling film but an essential conversation starter on the realities of narcissistic abuse.   Quotes “So you start the film questioning, ‘What’s her problem?’ Right from the beginning, it mirrors how many abusive relationships seem from the outside. You think, ‘Well, she’s a bit messy,’ or ‘He’s holding it all together.’ The abuser often maintains that facade of having it together and looking after their partner. It’s that image we try to set up immediately.” (08:44 | Jack Stockley)  “When a woman leaves a narcissistic, abusive, grossly controlling relationship like that, the time she’s most at risk for harm to herself and her children is when she leaves—or if they find out that she’s going to leave, or right after she leaves. That’s the highest time for violence. So it isn’t simply a matter of just leaving; it’s about leaving safely.” (16:00 | Dr. Z) “As a storyteller, as a filmmaker, to me, those subtle details and nuances that convey coercive control and emotional abuse are the most important. It’s the lifeblood of the film because you have to make it.” (29:33 | Jack Stockley)  “People don’t talk about the fact that rape can exist in a marriage. It can exist in any relationship. It’s not something that happens only between strangers in the park. It’s not a cliché, but people don’t talk about it. People don’t think that it’s a real thing.” (35:19 | Jack Stockley)    Links Connect with Jack Stockley: Follow Jack Stockley on Instagram: @thereal_jps Follow Blue Muse Productions on Instagram: @bluemuseproductions Visit Blue Muse Productions YouTube channel to watch Purgatory: https://www.youtube.com/@BlueMuseProductions Jack's newest short film - Flying - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jezw_c9UwQs Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“The liability is not yours to own; it’s the narcissist’s. Let it smother them, not you.”   Dr. Jaime Zuckerman takes a closer look at what life looks like when a narcissistic ex still finds ways to create chaos, even after the relationship has ended. How does one protect their peace and their children’s well-being when post-separation abuse seems designed to undermine it? From stirring up conflict with their children’s teachers and coaches to resurfacing hidden debts, the narcissistic ex can remain a powerful disruptor. Dr. Z shares practical insights for those navigating these situations, including how to set boundaries, how to communicate openly with children, and how to address character smear campaigns without giving the narcissist the attention they crave.    This episode is both empowering and validating, reminding listeners that while they may not be able control the narcissist’s behavior, they can control their own responses. Dr. Z’s guidance offers a path to reclaiming stability, peace, and resilience amidst ongoing challenges with a narcissistic ex.   Quotes “The narcissist will deliberately sever your ties with people because it further isolates you. It causes increased damage to your relationships. But most importantly, it’s one of the only ways the narcissist still has control over you.” (05:11 | Dr. Z) “With a narcissist, you want to give them nothing. You don’t want to give them that stage because just like the family courts, a kids little league is a stage for the narcissist to perform. Period. End of story. And the best way you handle that is by giving them nothing. The more attention you give them, the louder it gets, the more engaged in their acts the narcissist becomes.” (14:46 | Dr. Z) “Even though it’s embarrassing as hell, and even though you’re so angry, you’re keeping the liability on the narcissist, and that’s where it needs to be. The liability is not yours to own; it’s theirs. Let it smother them, not you.” (33:32 | Dr. Z)   Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“People are so quick to label somebody antisocial or narcissistic. Just because you disagree with someone, or they lied to you, or they treated you really poorly, or they were manipulative, doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disorder. But they can certainly have traits,” says Dr. Lina Haji, a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist and licensed mental health counselor.   Dr. Haji joins Dr. Z in this episode to talk about the nuances of personality disorders, particularly the differences between narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. How can one tell the difference between a narcissist and someone who is antisocial? And why does it matter? They explore the overlap—like lack of empathy and accountability—while also making it clear that while not all narcissists engage in criminal behavior, even though their actions can still be deeply harmful.   This episode also touches on one of the most frustrating issues for both professionals and clients: misdiagnosis. Dr. Haji explains why narcissistic personality disorder is so often mistaken for bipolar disorder, and how that mix-up can lead to the wrong treatment. Are mood swings the same as bipolar disorder? Dr. Haji points out that no, they’re not, and that recognizing the differences is key to addressing unhealthy patterns of behavior.    Listeners will gain a clearer understanding of these complex personality disorders. More  importantly, they’ll feel empowered to recognize toxic behavior, regardless of formal diagnosis. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to make sense of the personality dynamics in their relationships and take control of their own emotional well-being.   Quotes “‘Antisocial’ really refers to somebody who goes against the grain, who goes against social norms. And to put it even more clearly, basically someone who has criminal tendencies, if you will.” (05:42 | Dr. Lina Haji) “For somebody to meet criteria for antisocial personality disorder, they do have to meet criteria for conduct disorder, which is essentially antisocial personality disorder in kids and adolescents.” (11:52 | Dr. Lina Haji) “People are so quick to label somebody antisocial or narcissistic… Just because you disagree with someone, or they lied to you, or they treated you really poorly, or they were manipulative, doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disorder. But they can certainly have traits.” (13:00 | Dr. Lina Haji) “Narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder, even psychopathy, is on a continuum. So somebody can be the world’s biggest a-hole and still not meet criteria for any of those personality disorders.” (13:12 | Dr. Lina Haji)  “People with psychopathy, people with narcissistic personality disorder, people with antisocial personality disorder, if you look at their behaviors, they’re typically very self-serving, which tells me they know exactly what they’re doing because it’s a means to an end… I believe people with those personality disorders know exactly what they’re doing and just don’t care.” (28:06 | Dr. Lina Haji)   Links Connect with Dr. Lina Haji: www.risepsychological.com https://www.instagram.com/rise_psychological_services/ Watch World’s Most Evil Prisoners: https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/0GIXJX2M9XISMHB7LR9DI9STS9/ref=share_ios_season   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Check out my on-demand workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“The narcissist will never be able to fix their corrupt disorder. It is a rigid disorder,” says Vanessa Reiser, a licensed clinical social worker and author who specializes in narcissistic and cult abuse. She joins Dr. Z to talk about the striking similarities between narcissistic relationships and cult dynamics, focusing on how coercive control plays a role in both.    Drawing from her own life experiences and professional background, Vanessa shares insights from her book “Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist’s Guide to Identifying, Escaping, and Healing from Toxic and Manipulative People.” She breaks down how narcissists deploy tactics like gaslighting, isolating their victims, and enlisting enablers (often called “flying monkeys”) to keep control. But how does this connect to cult-like dynamics? Vanessa explains that these methods work by stripping away a person’s identity that will trap them in a mental prison that’s just as damaging as the control seen in actual cults.   This episode reminds listeners of the resilience required to break free from these toxic environments and the importance of building supportive relationships that will help individuals reclaim their identities. Vanessa’s insights offer valuable tools and strategies for overcoming these challenges that encourage listeners to seek help and validation as they move toward healing and self-empowerment.   Quotes “A real cult is always led by somebody who’s trying to control, groom, and manipulate others to get supply and attention. We see this in intimate relationships and families. What they’re doing is using the classic tactics of narcissists to manipulate others to do what they want. They will isolate and get you to basically only view their opinions.” (05:01 | Vanessa Reiser) “There’s this misconception that people who get sucked into ‘these cults’—whether it’s a cult of one, within a family system, or on a larger scale hiding behind a religious organization—have low self-esteem or no backbone. That’s not true… It’s important for people to understand that it has nothing to do with intelligence. The myth that you’re a weak person comes from the fact that once you’re in this cult—whether it’s a cult of one or something larger—the whole point is to gain control and power over you. And with that comes the loss of self-identity.” (07:48 | Dr. Z) “A narcissist will never be able to fix their corrupt disorder. It is a rigid disorder.” (16:49 | Vanessa Reiser) “A narcissist is allergic to your power and autonomy. They want to groom you and keep you ignorant, unaware, and not in the know.” (36:25 | Vanessa Reiser) Links Connect with Vanessa Reiser:  https://www.facebook.com/vanessa.pugliese https://www.instagram.com/vanessareiserlcsw/ https://x.com/vanessareisersw https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrYVROGoPdYqsEFkr2XYC9A https://amzn.to/3XPf9ad   Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I really want to change the culture and the way we treat and value ourselves in the equation. I truly believe our stories have the power to change culture,” says Dr. Jessi Gold, reflecting on her book, “How Do You Feel? One Doctor’s Search for Humanity in Medicine.” In this episode, she joins Dr. Z to talk about the mental health struggles facing healthcare professionals, especially the high rates of burnout and the stigma attached to seeking help.   Dr. Gold sheds light on how medicine’s culture often equates overwork with competence, which is a mindset that has only worsened during the COVID-19 pandemic. What will happen when we start recognizing burnout for what it truly is? Dr. Gold stresses the importance of open conversations about mental health and the need to break the silence that keeps so many healthcare providers from getting the support they deserve.   Dr. Gold shares practical tips for managing mental health, like building strong support systems and practicing self-compassion. But more than that, Dr. Gold also stresses the need for a cultural shift—one where the well-being of healthcare providers is just as valued as the care they offer patients. What would medicine look like if we made that shift? Dr. Gold and Dr. Z’s hope is that by confronting these systemic challenges, real, lasting change will take root within the medical community.   Quotes “This is such a needed book, and it applies to everyone, not just people in the medical field. I think people assume that if you’re in medicine, you don’t experience anxiety, depression, or other struggles. But what I always tell people is that just because you’re an oncologist doesn’t mean you can’t get cancer, and just because you’re a dentist doesn’t mean you can’t get cavities.” (02:40 | Dr. Z) “I really want to change the culture and the way we treat and value ourselves in the equation. I truly believe our stories have the power to change culture... Stories can start conversations, and conversations can change systems. They just can. And there are a lot of systems at play here that do need changing.” (03:58 | Dr. Jessi Gold)  “You want the people treating you to be healthy. You want them to not have foggy brains… And it’s not just about physicians, nurses, or mental health providers. It’s also about us as patients. We need people who are on the ball, right? So, it’s such a systemic issue; it’s not just the providers.” (08:17 | Dr. Z) “Burnout is an independent risk factor for suicidal thoughts. It’s not just part of a constellation of symptoms, but rather a stepping stone—a stepping stone to depression, a stepping stone to suicidal thoughts, a stepping stone to substance use, and even things like car accidents. We tend to manage burnout like it’s just, ‘Oh, the workplace did that to you, and work was hard,’ but it’s so much more than that. It’s pervasive, and it really affects people’s lives.” (17:52 | Dr. Jessi Gold)  “Meaning and purpose are protective against burnout. It sounds super woo-woo and strange, like, ‘Yeah, what’s meaning and what’s purpose?’ But really, it just means you chose to do this for a reason. It’s easy to lose that in the context of systems and things that are interfering with what you’re doing. How do you ground yourself in that? Sometimes, it’s just about reminding yourself in some way.” (23:13 | Dr. Jessi Gold)    Links Connect with Dr. Jessi Gold: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/How-Do-You-Feel/Jessi-Gold/9781982199777 Website: https://www.drjessigold.com/ https://www.instagram.com/drjessigold/ https://www.tiktok.com/@drjessigold?lang=en https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Toxic family systems are run like a cult,” says Dr. Sherrie Campbell, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in family estrangement and toxic relationships. She joins Dr. Z this week to talk about the lasting damage narcissistic family members can inflict—not just on the immediate family but also on extended relatives and friends. Sharing insights from her own experience with toxic parenting, Dr. Campbell explains the roles of the golden child and the scapegoat, pointing out the often overlooked pressure on the golden child as well as the emotional burden carried by the scapegoat.   Dr. Campbell also addresses the stigma surrounding family estrangement and how guilt and shame often follow the decision to cut ties with toxic relatives. This episode touches on the emotional uncertainty that comes with estrangement and shows the importance of self-acceptance and rewriting one’s personal story to move from victimhood into empowerment.    Tune into this episode as Dr. Campbell and Dr. Z share practical tips for healing and navigating these complex relationships, leaving listeners with the hope that a more authentic, fulfilling life is possible beyond the toxic family dynamics.   Quotes “When you have two grotesquely self-centered parents, they’re already competing with each other before the children are born for power. And then when the children are born, they then compete for power in that aspect as well… The most toxic person in the family dynamic is the least confronted. So you would think that it would be the most confronted, but they’re the least confronted because everybody else is in fear. So without fear, there cannot be any control. Toxic family systems are run like a cult.” (03:11 | Dr. Sherrie Campbell)  “Sick families need a scapegoat to externalize their issues onto, so they never have to confront or look at themselves.” (15:08 | Dr. Sherrie Campbell)  “I always say to people, when you’re talking about patterns of family dynamics, there’s a ‘dance.’ And when one person in that dance goes left instead of right, it throws the entire system off balance. When you have the healthy person in the family, whether it’s an aunt, uncle, sister, brother, it doesn’t matter—when they go left instead of right, the whole system gets thrown off balance.” (15:17 | Dr. Z)    Links Connect with Dr. Sherrie Campbell: www.facebook.com/sherriecamobellphd https://www.instagram.com/dr.sherrie/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.sherrie Dr. Sherrie's Tedx Talk: https://youtu.be/deyHwDkG7oc?si=CkgnoNZ05dBS6y4G Sherapy Sessions podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/sherapy-sessions-cutting-toxic-family-ties/id1591691842 Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve: https://amzn.to/3XEnfCD   https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“This is for everyone. Everyone needs to learn how to identify the reg flags within the family court system and how to navigate this process, particularly in custody cases when you have very little support behind you,” begins Dr. Z. Joining her this week are Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, known as Dr. C, a coercive control educator and researcher, and Amy Polacko, an award-winning journalist and divorce coach. Both women, having survived domestic abuse, have turned their personal pain into a mission for change. Their newly released book, “Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld,” shines a spotlight on the damaging impact of coercive control and systemic injustices women face in family court.   Dr. C and Amy share their deeply personal stories that emphasize how their experiences—and those of many other women—demand attention, action, and change. They pull back the curtain on a court system that too often fails to protect women, allowing abusers to continue their control and manipulation tactics through legal and financial strategies.   Beyond their individual stories, Dr. C and Amy tackle the broader issue of post-separation abuse and the emotional, psychological, and financial weight it carries for survivors. They question how society views romantic relationships, pushing for more awareness around coercive control and promoting healthier relationship dynamics for the future. This episode is both a validation for survivors and a rallying cry—how can we come together to support survivors and demand meaningful changes in the family court system?   Quotes “This is the overriding reason we wrote this. Yes, we want to validate and support victims—absolutely. But we want the masses to read this. We want the masses to hear about Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins, and be pissed off, frankly. So, by the time they get to the call to action at the end of our book, they are committed to doing something about it because it’s going to take more than just us in this world.” (09:08 | Amy Polacko)  “By looking beyond the violent incident model and understanding what people often mix up is the idea that coercive control is invisible abuse. No, it’s not. Intimidation is certainly not invisible. Stalking is not invisible. Someone calling you horrible names is not invisible. These are visible, tangible things, and once you’re out of it, you realize, ‘Oh, that was abuse.’” (12:25 | Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola)  “Women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t in many ways. If you stand up for yourself, if you try to protect your children, you are penalized. There’s this overwhelming feeling, along with the misogynistic tropes, that they should just go with the flow.” (42:27 | Amy Polacko)    Links Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld Book:  https://narcfreepress.com/ https://amzn.to/3Tl95EW   Please leave a review here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/216871358-framed?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=uOOkkfQF8y&rank=1   Connect with Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/   Connect with  Amy Polacko: https://www.instagram.com/freedomwarriortribe/ Mindfully Messy hoodies now available! https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/store/p/mindfully-messy-hoodie   https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“The decision to go no contact with a parent is a last resort. It is a last resort of self-protection against years of manipulation and abuse,” says Dr. Z. She explains how going no contact means cutting off all forms of communication—calls, texts, and social media—and is a decision that is typically made only after enduring long-term emotional pain. It’s a decision never made lightly, as it often comes with feelings of tremendous guilt, grief, and loss.   In this episode, Dr. Z sheds light on the societal pressures that make it difficult for people to understand why someone would sever ties with a parent. She emphasizes that it’s not the adult child’s responsibility to fix a relationship with a narcissistic parent, particularly when that parent refuses to take accountability.    Dr. Z also touches on the importance of behavioral consistency when going no contact, warning that inconsistent boundaries can actually increase the chaos. She outlines the manipulative tactics that narcissistic parents might use to regain control, such as guilt trips or recruiting other family members to pressure the person back into communication. Breaking no contact, she warns, usually offers only a temporary relief before the abusive behavior resurfaces.   Dr. Z offers reassurance to those children who have made the difficult decision to go no contact. She reminds listeners that protecting their mental health is a courageous, yet difficult, step. Seeking peace and clarity is essential, and they are not alone in this journey.   Quotes “A decision to go no contact is not a decision that is made overnight. It is not made in direct response to an argument that you had. It’s not even in direct response to a ton of arguments you’ve had. The decision to go no contact with a parent is a last resort. No child, no child ever asks to be in a situation where they need to make a decision to have a parent in their life or not.” (03:28 | Dr. Z)  “Going no contact with a narcissistic parent is your last effort to walk away with some sense of peace for yourself and your own family.” (14:11 | Dr. Z)  “If you have gotten to the point where you have set no contact with a parent who is a narcissist, you have done nothing wrong. I’m sure you have thought about this for a very long time. And the fact that you did it, does not make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad child. It makes you incredibly brave to put your mental wellness first in such a horrific situation.” (34:04 | Dr. Z)  Links https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we understand that this form of abuse is very nuanced and hard to identify as an outsider,” says Dr. Z. This episode dives into the emotional and complex challenge of supporting someone in a narcissistic abusive relationship, as Dr. Z unpacks the intricate dynamics at play.   Narcissists often start with a phase known as “love bombing,” which can make it hard for friends and family to spot the red flags early on. This initial charm gradually gives way to isolation and control, leaving the person feeling confused and trapped in the relationship.   Dr. Z sheds light on the subtle tactics narcissists use to distance their partners from their support networks and systematically dismantle their sense of self. For those watching from the outside, it can be incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking, often leaving them wondering, “How can I help without pushing them further away?”   Instead of confronting your loved one, which could inadvertently strengthen the narcissist’s hold, Dr. Z recommends offering steady, unconditional support. She highlights the importance of being a consistent presence, creating a safe space for them to return to when they’re ready to break free. Through practical advice and empathetic guidance, Dr. Z emphasizes that patience and persistence are essential in helping your loved one eventually escape their abusive relationship.   Quotes “Coercive control is very difficult for somebody on the outside of the relationship to identify.” (02:40 | Dr. Z)  “Narcissistic abuse, especially that kind of coercive control, is often not visible to the outside world, even to those closest to you. What people on the outside are really starting to see is this very slow, insidious stripping of their loved one’s self-identity. It’s not sudden; it’s gradual. This started from day one, in the love bombing stage.” (15:50 | Dr. Z)  “Since your loved one is being manipulated, controlled, and abused—and as the relationship progresses, so does the abuse—that will happen. That’s a given.” (16:59 | Dr. Z)  “That’s a horrible feeling. A truly horrible feeling—watching someone you love slowly start to slip away from who they are, and from you as well. What you need to do, and as difficult as this is going to be, is to stay connected with them no matter what happens in their relationship. No matter how different or disconnected they become, do not disconnect from them.” (32:19 | Dr. Z)    Links https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“If you and your partner are experiencing friction, consider whether there are things going on in your lives—whether it’s a few really big chronic issues, a lot of little constant acute issues, or a mix of both—that could be contributing to this,” advises Liz Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Gottman therapist, and founder of A Better Life Therapy.   In this episode, Dr. Z shifts the focus from narcissistic relationships to the everyday stressors that impact healthy partnerships. Joined by Liz, known for her popular Instagram account “@Liz Listens” and her books “I Want This to Work” and “Till Stress Do Us Part,” they delve into how external pressures can fuel relational friction.    What are the stressors in your life that might be affecting your relationship? Liz encourages couples to identify and list these stressors, a simple yet effective practice that can lead to greater empathy and cooperation. She also discusses different partner types—such as avoidant or indifferent—and shares concrete strategies for improving communication and setting healthy boundaries within your relationships.    Liz introduces a structured approach to managing stress, helping couples distinguish between what they can shed, prevent, or adapt to. By aligning actions with core values and addressing how conflict avoidance with others can impact the relationship, she provides a roadmap for couples looking to strengthen their bond. These insights offer a practical guide for anyone aiming to build a resilient partnership rooted in clear communication, empathy, and intentional choices.   Quotes “The first piece I think is really important is if you and your partner are experiencing friction, consider whether there are things going on in your lives—whether it’s a few really big chronic issues, a lot of little constant acute issues, or a mix of both—that could be contributing to this.” (05:10 | Liz Earnshaw)  “What I’ve noticed with the couples I’m working with is that they're mismanaging the amount of stress they bring into their lives without considering the long-term repercussions. A lot of this stems from saying yes to too many things and putting immense pressure on ourselves to do more, accumulate more, and live a big life.” (20:20 | Liz Earnshaw)  “One thing I think is really important for people to do is to consider their North Star. What I mean by that is, where are you and your partner heading as a family? Where do you want to be? This has a lot to do with your values. For example, if your North Star is to create a safe and secure family, build a stable financial future, or live an adventurous life, it should reflect what you and your partner value as a family—your combined family values.” (35:19 | Liz Earnshaw)   Links Connect with Liz Earnshaw: elizabethearnshaw.com https://www.instagram.com/lizlistens/ Til Stress Do Us Part book: https://amzn.to/4dSHpPP I Want this to Work book: https://amzn.to/3X3JXnw   Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“A lot of people don’t realize that there’s narcissistic abuse occurring in friendships because we don’t really think of it in that context,” says Dr. Z. When we talk about narcissistic abuse, it’s usually in the context of intimate or family relationships. This week, Dr. Z highlights an often-overlooked reality: it can happen in friendships too, and it can be just as insidious and psychologically damaging.   Dr. Z reveals that just like within intimate relationships, narcissistic friendships also begin with love bombing efforts. These may include excessive attention and adoration, gifts, and constant communication very early in the friendship. This helps to craft the illusion of the perfect friendship. Initially, you may feel as though this person is your twin soul. You can’t fathom how you ever existed without them up till now. However, over time, the love bombing ceases and they begin to engage in manipulative and passive aggressive behaviors. For example, they may undermine your success, not offer support when it’s most needed, or try to one-up you. A narcissistic friend will dominate conversations, often unloading their issues onto you without offering any real support in return.    Another red flag Dr. Z points out is the use of silent treatments. This can leave you feeling confused and anxious, wondering for days what you did wrong. Narcissistic friends will consume your time, drain your energy, and possibly even your finances. It is their goal to isolate you from your existing friends and family so that you become increasingly dependent on the friendship. Dr. Z also touches on how narcissistic friends demand you meet their emotional, physical, or financial needs. And when you don’t comply? Expect guilt trips, gaslighting, silent treatments, and character bashing.    This episode isn’t just about recognizing these abusive patterns; it’s also about finding a way out. Dr. Z shares practical advice on setting small, manageable boundaries and slowly reconnecting with your other relationships and interests.    Escaping a narcissistic friendship is tough, but as Dr. Z reassures, it’s absolutely possible. The key is to focus on your well-being and remember that the narcissistic abuse you endured is never your fault. .   Quotes “One of the things that narcissistic friends hate is seeing you succeed. They do not like your success because, for them, it doesn’t involve the narcissist, and they don’t have control over it. Success is a step towards autonomy, which they view as a threat. They see it as competition—something we’ll discuss separately—and a barrier to getting supply.” (06:59 | Dr. Z) “Narcissists in friendships will align themselves with people that benefit them in some way.” (22:32 | Dr. Z)  “Do not waste any breath or energy trying to defend your character when a narcissist is trying to smear it. That’s exactly what they want. The best thing to do is ignore it, not defend it, and let it ride out. The more you engage, the more control you’re giving up and handing over to them.” (34:16 | Dr. Z)  “Healthy friendships do not involve constantly trying to one-up each other. They don’t involve making the other person feel horrible about themselves, being rude, or not talking to them for no reason. True, healthy friendships are a two-way street. Sometimes one person needs more, and the other needs less, and it goes back and forth. You respect each other, respect each other’s feelings, and you’re there for each other. If you can’t be there for someone, they understand that it’s not malicious.” (39:28 | Dr. Z)    Links: Get my FREE breathing exercise here  http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my virtual workshops http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops   Books: Find Your Calm http://www,drjaimezuckerman.com/books Find Good Habit http://www,drjaimezuckerman.com/books   Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I thought I met the man of my dreams, and he turned out to be one of the biggest con men in history,” shares Benita Alexander, a highly accomplished journalist and executive producer. In this episode, she joins Dr. Z to recount her harrowing experience with love fraud at the hands of Dr. Paolo Macchiarini. Benita’s story, featured in the Netflix documentary “Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife” and the Wondery podcast “Dr. Death,” serves as a chilling reminder that even the most intelligent and successful individuals can fall victim to the manipulative blueprint of narcissists.    Benita met Macchiarini during a vulnerable period in her life. His charm and apparent empathy quickly drew her in, leading to a whirlwind romance. However, as their relationship progressed, red flags began to emerge, which Benita initially dismissed due to Macchiarini’s convincing explanations.    Dr. Z and Benita explore the psychological impact of such a profound betrayal, emphasizing the difficulty of recognizing, and escaping from, a narcissistic abusive relationship. They discuss how factors such as intelligence and success do not necessarily immunize one from becoming vulnerable to this type of abuse. Benita’s courageous decision to go public with her story underscores the need to raise awareness about the dangers of people like Macchiarini, who exploit their victims’ trust for personal gain.   Exploring the complexities of narcissistic abuse, the insidious nature of love bombing, and the resilience required to rebuild one’s life after such a traumatic experience, this episode serves as both a cautionary tale and a source of inspiration for those who may find themselves entangled in similar situations.   Quotes “Any narcissist’s worst fear is the collapse—falling from the pedestal, their reputation being destroyed.” (36:35 | Benita Alexander)  “It takes so much courage for a woman to come forward and expose herself like that. And then, on top of it, to get attacked—it’s the reason people don’t talk about this kind of thing. That’s what’s so concerning to me because if we stay quiet and if women don’t feel comfortable enough to come forward and talk, it’s going to keep happening. These people—narcissists, con artists, sociopaths, whatever you want to call them—count on you being quiet. They count on you being too embarrassed and humiliated to talk. That’s why the lies keep escalating, because they don’t think they’re ever going to get caught.” (58:59 | Benita Alexander)  “I think it’s also important to realize—very, very important—not to blame yourself. I mean, what was your crime? You fell in love. You wanted to trust the person you fell in love with, and that’s a very normal thing. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable and you fall in love, there’s a reason they say love is blind. But you never expect something this extreme to happen. You never expect someone to be lying to you about literally everything."  (01:05:41 | Benita Alexander)    Links Connect with Benita Alexander: https://www.benitaalexander.com/ Follow Benita Alexander on Instagram and Tiktok: @benitaalexander_official Listen to her podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFkA9DcX8W0&t=457s   Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“In a narcissistically abusive relationship, sex can become a tool of weaponry, a tool of control,” declares Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. In this episode, she joins Dr. Z to unpack the intricate relationship between sex and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).   Dr. Balestrieri, founder of Modern Intimacy and host of the “Get Naked with Dr. Kate” podcast, delves into the subtle tactics of sexual coercion and emotional manipulation commonly used by someone with NPD. She discusses how, within these relationships, sex is used as a tool to seek validation, power, and control. The conversation also touches on the function and impact of infidelity and pornography in these relationship dynamics.   Listen to this episode of Next Up: Narcissism to get a deep and insightful look into the role of sex within Narcissistic Personality Disorder, offering valuable strategies for those who are affected by this type of abusive behavior.    Quotes “In a narcissistically abusive relationship, sex can become a tool of weaponry, a tool of control. It becomes bait, a way to keep someone suctioned into the relationship. It provides a false sense of security and can be a bomb used to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.” (03:13 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)  “When we understand narcissism, we recognize that it’s really about the person, organized in this fashion, trying to prop up a sense of self that they can feel okay about. At its core, narcissism is rooted in shame and self-loathing. Narcissists cope with these feelings by projecting various manufactured images. Sex becomes another tool they use to prop up that image for themselves and the world. It becomes a way for them to gain supply, attention, validation, control, and power.” (05:34 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)  “We have to remember that narcissism is a condition of objectification. With a fragmented sense of self, they objectify everyone in their life; everyone serves a purpose to bolster them up. For someone partnered with a narcissist, their partner serves a particular function. One of the key elements of objectification is instrumentality, where the person becomes an object or instrument for serving the narcissist.” (24:36 | Dr. Kate Balestrieri)    Links Connect with Dr. Kate Balestrieri: TikTok @drkatebalestrieri https://www.tiktok.com/@drkatebalestrieri?lang=en IG: https://www.instagram.com/drkatebalestrieri Website: www.modernintimacy.com   Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

In this episode, Dr. Z delves into the complex dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their adult daughters. She discusses how the behavior patterns of narcissistic mothers challenge societal norms of the mother/daughter relationship and have a profound impact on their daughters’ self-esteem and mental health.   Dr. Z also addresses the grieving process daughters of narcissistic mothers must go through once they come to accept the relationship will never be what they hoped for. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and offers practical strategies for managing these dynamics.    Tune in to this episode of Next Up: Narcissism for Dr. Z’s compassionate and empowering insights, aimed at helping listeners break free from narcissistic abuse and move towards a healthier, happier life.   Quotes “With narcissistic moms, they love their children in conditions. They love their children so long as the child is, at any age, doing what is expected of the narrative that has been given to them since birth. So, since birth, you get a narrative. You are to play that role your whole life. That role is meant to put you in a certain pattern that the narcissistic mom is able to control and manipulate. Because remember, with narcissists, the main goal of narcissistic behavior is to gain power and control, to take away your autonomy, to take away your sense of self.” (09:11 | Dr. Z)  “Do narcissistic moms love their kids? They love them when they are performing as the narcissist wants them to perform. They love them so long as the child is doing what is expected of them.” (11:07 | Dr. Z)  “Start to gain objectivity to your narcissistic mom’s behavior and the reality of who you are, because the reality of who you are is not connected to her. She’s just made you think that for so long. Your ability to make decisions independent of her exists. It always existed… Once you realize that you can exist separately from a narcissistic mom, your entire world opens up. You realize that you are capable of doing whatever you want to do, as long as you understand that you will never get the support that you want from your mom, unless it benefits her.” (37:40 | Dr. Z)    Links Get my FREE breathing exercise here! https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter   Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm