On Attachment

In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son. We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges along the way, and the practices that keep us connected and supportive of each other. Join the Black Friday Sale waitlist hereFree ResourcesFree Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Anxious Attachment Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:Why anxiously attached people are especially sensitive to others’ opinionsHow external orientation keeps us anxious and disconnected from ourselvesWhat it actually means to develop an internal compassPractical steps to build self-trust and integrityHow to tolerate disapproval without collapsing into shameUltimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.

One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic timeline, and no moment where you’ll suddenly feel 100% confident and never wobble again. Readiness isn’t about the calendar — it’s about how you’re feeling, the work you’ve done, and the mindset you're bringing with you. In this episode, I’ll share:Signs you may not be ready yet (like still being in the thick of grief, rumination, or longing for your ex)Signs you might be moving toward readiness (like curiosity about meeting someone new and clarity around your standards and patterns)How to approach dating again with intention and self-compassionWhy dating itself can stir up new layers of grief — and how that doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwardsIf you’ve been wondering whether to dip your toes back in the dating pool, this episode will help you manage your expectations, recognise where you’re at, and approach the process in a way that feels grounded and intentional.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly and help us move on. But the reality is, closure rarely comes from someone else — it’s something we have to create for ourselves.In this episode, I share some hard but freeing truths about closure:Why the relationships that leave us most desperate for closure are usually the ones least likely to give itHow the idea of a “closure conversation” can sometimes be a hidden way of keeping the door openWhy even when we get answers, they rarely soothe us in the way we hopeThe difference between chasing closure from someone else versus cultivating it within yourselfPractical ways to create your own sense of closure and peaceIf you’ve been waiting for that message, that explanation, or that final conversation to make things better, this episode will help you see closure differently — and take back your power to move forward.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible?In this episode, I explore the nuance of this dilemma. We’ll cover:Why triggers aren’t necessarily a bad thing — and how they can point us toward the deeper wounds that need healing.The difference between growth edges that stretch us and dynamics that keep us constantly dysregulated.Signs you can do the work of healing within a relationship, and when the relationship itself may be keeping you stuck.How to find the middle ground: using relational challenges as invitations into greater self-awareness, without normalising constant pain or struggle.Relationships will always bring moments of discomfort — that’s the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. But there’s an important distinction between the kind of challenge that supports healing, and the kind that prevents it. This episode will help you reflect on where your relationship sits, and what you need in order to move forward in your healing journey.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if you’re always looking for what’s wrong, you might miss the important signs that you’re with someone who’s actually safe, caring, and aligned with you.In this episode, we shift the focus to green flags — the encouraging behaviours and feelings that can help you recognise when a connection has potential. You’ll learn why these signs matter, how they can soothe an anxious system, and how to pay attention to the way you feel in someone’s presence.We’ll explore:Why paying attention to how you feel around someone can be more telling than analysing their every moveThe importance of being remembered and feeling genuinely seenSigns of sincerity, effort, and sustained interest (and how they differ from love-bombing)The role of humour, playfulness, and ease in creating a healthy connectionIf you’re ready to reframe your approach to dating and start recognising when something is right for you, this episode will help you spot the cues that matter most.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry.In this episode, we explore why anxiously attached people often fear cheating so much, even in the absence of proof. We’ll look at the core wounds and nervous system patterns that fuel this fear, the role of past relationship and childhood experiences, and how certain dynamics—especially with avoidant partners—can make these fears even more intense.We’ll also unpack the ways fear of cheating can show up in a relationship, the problems with trying to “prevent” it through control or monitoring, and practical steps to move towards a more secure, trusting dynamic.If this is something you’ve struggled with, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and give you tools to respond in a way that’s calmer, clearer, and more grounded.You’ll learn:The connection between anxious attachment and fear of infidelityHow past betrayal or early life experiences can amplify the fearWhy anxious-avoidant relationships can trigger cheating anxietyHow hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking can harm trustTools for building self-trust and relationship securityHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we have something (or someone) at stake, we feel more vulnerable. The more we care, the more our protective strategies kick in — sometimes in big, overwhelming ways.This episode is a reassuring reminder that there’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way — it’s simply your nervous system doing its job in trying to keep you safe when things start to feel risky. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful tools you have for creating secure, connected relationships. But too often we approach it as a one-size-fits-all formula, rather than honouring the unique way our individual nervous systems work.In this episode, I’m joined by parenting expert and author Alyssa Blask Campbell to explore how tuning into your nervous system can make you a better partner and parent. Alyssa shares insights from her work on emotional development in children and explains why knowing your own system is just as important for the adults in the room.We talk about:Why nervous system awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligenceHow your unique nervous system traits shape your relationships and parentingPractical ways to move from reactivity to grounded presenceHow understanding your system allows you to show up with more compassion, patience, and connectionIf you’ve ever felt like the standard advice on regulation doesn’t quite work for you, this conversation will give you permission to explore what does — so you can build stronger, more attuned relationships at home and beyond.Connect with AlyssaInstagram: @seed.and.sewPurchase Alyssa's books hereTake the free quiz on your unique nervous system hereHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

When a relationship ends without warning, it’s common to feel blindsided, confused, and deeply hurt. This is often labelled the “avoidant discard” — but while that term might feel validating in the moment, it can also keep you stuck in a disempowering story.In this episode, we’ll talk about how to process a sudden ending in a way that honours your pain without leaving you tethered to it. We’ll explore:Why shock and lack of closure can intensify heartbreakThe difference between feeling discarded and being discardedHow villain/victim narratives can hold you back from real healingThe impact of online echo chambers on your recoveryPractical steps to reclaim your agency and move forwardThis isn’t about minimising what you’ve been through. It’s about finding a more grounded, self-responsible way to engage with what happened — so you can process it fully, integrate the lessons, and step into your next chapter with clarity and self-respect.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people? Maybe you thought you’d learned the lessons, yet somehow the same dynamics keep playing out.In this episode, we’re unpacking why these patterns form, why they feel so hard to break, and how you can start shifting them. We’ll explore how your early experiences shape an unconscious “blueprint” for love, how your nervous system pulls you toward what feels familiar (even when it’s not healthy), and the beliefs that keep certain dynamics on repeat.I’ll walk you through a process for spotting your own relational through-lines, interrupting the cycle, and expanding your capacity for the kind of steady, reciprocal love you deserve.Whether you’re in the thick of another “same story, different person” relationship or reflecting on past patterns, this episode will give you clarity, compassion, and practical steps to move toward something different.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode is for you. We’re unpacking the roots of that punitive inner voice, how it tries to keep us safe, and the real cost it can have on our self-worth, our nervous system, and our ability to grow. We’ll also explore what it looks like to relate to ourselves differently: to meet our inner critic with compassion rather than fear, and to begin the process of forgiving ourselves for the things we wish we’d done differently.In this episode, we’ll cover:The role of the inner critic and what it’s really trying to doWhy punishing yourself doesn’t lead to growth (and what does)Why self-forgiveness can be so difficultHow to hold responsibility without collapsing into shamePractical ways to begin softening your inner critic and making peace with your pastHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

We don’t often talk about how attachment dynamics play out in friendships — but if you’ve ever felt anxious, hurt, or overly invested in a friend who seemed to be pulling away, you’ll know just how triggering these relationships can be.While attachment theory was originally developed to explain the infant-caregiver bond and later applied to romantic relationships, many of the same fears, patterns, and protective strategies show up in our platonic relationships too — especially when they carry emotional significance.In this episode, we’re exploring how different attachment styles can impact the way we relate to our friends, why friendship ruptures can feel just as painful (if not more so) than romantic ones, and how to navigate these dynamics with more clarity, compassion, and self-respect.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

If you’re someone with anxious attachment patterns, the ending of a relationship can bring up some of your deepest wounds: feelings of abandonment, not being enough, being too much, or fears that you’ll never find love again.In today’s episode, I’m offering a more grounded, intentional path through heartbreak — one that doesn’t rely on ruminating, obsessing, or waiting for closure from someone else. We’re talking about how to actually heal from a breakup, rather than just surviving it.I’ll walk you through:Why grieving fully is essential (and how we often mistake rumination for grief)The stories we tell ourselves post-breakup, and how they shape our sufferingHow to find closure within yourself, instead of waiting for your ex to give it to youWhat it means to really learn the lessons of a breakupWhy getting clear on what you want in future relationships is one of the most powerful things you can do before moving onWhether your breakup was recent or something you still carry with you, my hope is that this episode supports you in finding your way back to yourself — with clarity, compassion, and courage.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

So many of us struggle with the idea of self-love. For me, and for many others, it can feel vague, aspirational, or simply out of reach. But what if, instead of trying to love ourselves, we focused on becoming someone we actually like?In today’s episode, I’m sharing five practical and tangible ways to do just that. This is about taking honest, grounded steps that help you build real self-respect, pride, and internal alignment. Whether you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, stuck in self-judgment, or just wanting to feel better in your own skin, this episode is for you.We’ll explore:How to identify where you’re out of alignment with your valuesWhy following through on your boundaries builds self-trustThe importance of noticing who or what brings out the worst in youWhy prioritising your wellbeing is essentialWhy you should seek out opportunities to make yourself proudHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, I’m joined by educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone to explore the powerful role that early imprints play in shaping the stories we carry — about ourselves, others, and the world around us.We dive into how our earliest experiences — especially within our family system — inform the narratives we unconsciously live by. We talk about what it means to bring those stories into conscious awareness, and how to begin rewriting the ones that no longer serve us.Whether you’re deep in your healing journey or just beginning to explore your inner world, this conversation is a reminder that we’re not defined by our past — and that we have the power to tell a new story.Connect with Lael StoneInstagram: @laelstoneWebsite: laelstone.com.auPurchase Lael's new book, Own Your StoryHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be hard to know what you actually need to feel secure — especially if past relationships have left you second-guessing yourself or trying to manage your anxiety by suppressing your needs.In this episode, we’re exploring five key ingredients that help anxiously attached people thrive in relationships. These aren’t about seeking constant reassurance or outsourcing your self-worth — they’re about being in relational environments that support security, growth, and genuine connection.What we cover in this episode:How consistency supports nervous system regulation and builds trust over timeThe importance of emotional validation in helping you feel understood and connectedWhy clear and reliable communication matters more than constant contactThe role of safe conflict in creating long-term security and repairHow having a shared vision helps settle the fear of uncertainty and misalignmentWhether you’re currently dating or in a relationship, this episode will help you get clearer on what’s supportive for you — and how to recognise when your needs are being met versus when you’re stuck in a cycle of over-functioning or hoping for crumbs.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood — labelled as cold, distant, or commitment-phobic. But when we look beneath those surface-level behaviours, what we often find is a deep need for space, safety, and self-reliance.We’ll cover:Why space needs to be respected, not punishedThe importance of having a partner who can self-regulate rather than emotionally offloadHow clear, direct, and honest communication builds safetyThe value of each partner having a full, meaningful life outside the relationshipWhy pacing matters — and how moving too fast can trigger shutdownBalancing lightness and heaviness Whether you’re avoidant yourself or in a relationship with someone who is, this episode will help you better understand the conditions that allow these relationships to thrive.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways.In today’s episode, we’re exploring how fear of abandonment often leads to patterns of self-abandonment — especially for those with anxious attachment. We’ll look at why this happens, how it shows up in your relationships, and what it actually costs you when you disconnect from your truth just to stay connected to someone else.You’ll learn:Why self-abandonment is often a survival strategy rooted in early attachment woundsWhat self-abandonment looks like in dating and relationshipsThe trade-off between authenticity and connectionWhy the work must begin with us Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today’s episode, I’m sharing two key principles for building a truly resilient, balanced nervous system — and why one without the other tends to keep us stuck.We’ll explore:Why nervous system health isn’t about being relaxed all the timeThe importance of deliberate stress exposure to build capacity and resilienceThe equally vital need to resource and nourish ourselves through rest, pleasure, and co-regulationHow to work with the natural ebb and flow of activation and recoveryA simple metaphor to help you reflect on how you’re currently supporting your systemWhether you’re feeling burnt out, dysregulated, or just curious about how to better support your emotional wellbeing, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate reframe of what nervous system care can look like.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website