In this episode, Dr. Z. dives deep into the world of procrastination, debunking common myths, exploring the different types of procrastinators, and unpacking the psychological processes that fuel our tendency to delay.Debunking the Myths of ProcrastinationMany of us have internalized misconceptions about procrastination. Dr. Z. tackles these head-on, revealing that procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. Instead, it often stems from deeper psychological factors. For example, the myth that people “work better under pressure” is just that—a myth. Research shows that last-minute work rarely leads to better results and often increases stress. Similarly, blaming procrastination on a lack of willpower oversimplifies the issue; it’s more about understanding and addressing the underlying factors that drive problematic procrastination.Six Reflective Questions to Break the CycleDr. Z. shares six reflective questions to unpack the psychological roots of procrastinating behaviors.(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Today, I’m sharing with you a conversation with Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. In our chat, we dive deep into the psychology of goal-setting, attachment to goals, over-identification with one area of our life, peak performance, and mental resilience.When you’re taking a big exam, dealing with a work project, or participating in an important match, how do you manage your worries about your performance and your desire to perform to the best of your abilities?Are you supportive of yourself without adding pressure into your plate?How do you think of yourself without all the stuff you do in your day-to-day life?While having goals is essential for your performance and motivation, they are just one piece of the puzzle. You also need to manage your mental chatter to perform at your best when it matters to you!You will hear Mitchell and I sharing our take on Roger Federer, Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi, and other professional athletes’ approach to their performance, expectations, and goal-setting.Whether you’re dealing with high-stakes sports scenarios or everyday life challenges, the principles to set your goals, how you relate to them, and how you approach your mental chatter remain the same.You can find meaning and joy by making small tweaks and savoring the good along the way!Hope you enjoy this episode!Key TakeawaysUnderstanding fear-based reactionsSetting goals for improved performanceManaging mind chatter in sportsThe role of mental skills in athletic successBalancing life and sport: Lessons from Roger Federer and Andre AgassiThe importance of parental support in youth sportsShow notes01:01 The Importance of Goal Setting01:08 The Problem with Tunnel Vision 01:44 Importance of Outcome Goals 02:45 The Role of Action Goals03:43 Goal setting and mental chatter04:34 Managing Chatter for Success 05:30 Developing a New Relationship with Your Mind 06:01 Lessons from Roger Federer06:43 Advice for Struggling Athletes 07:22 Mental Game of Professional Athletes 08:58 Perfectionism in Sports11:42 Small Increments of Improvement13:15 Leadership Challenges in Sports 13:55 Balancing Life and Sport 16:10 The Impact of Injuries on a Person’s Mindset16:52 Parental Influence on Young Athletes 18:02 Coaching the Coaches(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Ph.D., Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviorsUnderstanding the impact of high goalsThe role of confidence in goal settingThe intersection of perfectionism and procrastinationIn this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.Key TakeawaysPerfectionism and imposter phenomenonExploring imposter phenomenonPerfectionism and self-expectationsOvercoming imposter syndromeThe transition from academia to governmentPerfectionism in different contextsBalancing perfectionism and fear of failureDistinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actionsShow notes with time-stamps00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself. Key TakeawaysHow to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against youThe difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goalsHow to avoid burnout in the information eraHow to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actionsDay-to-day experiences of experiential avoidanceTips to handle the fear of failureHow to figure out what is on the other side of your fearsHow to practice self-compassion when handling our fearsShow notes with time stamps00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking03:28 Living According to Your Values04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - that’s natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself. In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)Key TakeawaysDiscussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviorsUnderstanding the impact of high goalsThe role of confidence in goal settingThe intersection of perfectionism and procrastinationShow notes with time-stamps01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Today’s episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if you’re getting stuck in conquering your fears or you’re afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.Key TakeawaysWhat is willingnessHow to deal with uncertaintyWhat to do when you’re powering through a fearful situationWhat is exposureUnderstanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviorsExploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fearDealing with physical sensations during fearful situationsThe role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fearUnderstanding the concept of willingness in therapyAddressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictabilityIntroduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxietyUnderstanding act and exposureDealing with chronic worryEffective problem solving vs. worryShow notes with time stamps00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence? I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers. If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters. In today’s episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage. Key TakeawaysThe pitfalls of positive thinkingManaging mind chatterHow to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present momentRedirecting your attention from “what if” to “what is”How to manage lapses in confidenceA useful mindset to perform challenging tasksExploring the concept of positive thinkingUnderstanding mind chatter and its impactStrategies for managing mind chatterApplying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.We all worry from time to time, that’s unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.Key TakeawaysHow to develop a new relationship with thinkingHow to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective oneUnderstanding fear and anxietyDefining worry and its impactThe role of thoughts in worryDistinguishing between productive and nonproductive worryThe consequences of worryAddressing beliefs about worryChanging our relationship with our thoughtsDealing with unexpected situationsEmbracing uncertainty and ambiguityThe anxious brain and uncertaintyProductive thoughts and problem-solvingThe power of narratives and storytellingThe distinction between problem-solving and creating narrativesThe danger of excessive information-seekingThe power of accepting uncertaintyThe importance of learning from the pastShow notes with time stamps00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving05:50 The Consequences of Worry06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We all experience anxiety in some form, in some way, and in some shape. Because anxiety, fears, and worries can be so uncomfortable, we quickly play-it-safe. And when you’re prone to deeply caring for what you do - as high-achievers, strivers, and perfectionists - then the fears of being a failure or not being good enough are amplified.In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show up and how nourishing your observer-self can shift from self-criticism into self-acceptance, from self-judgment into self-compassion, and from emotional avoidance into curious behaviors.Cultivating your observer-self isn't just about self-distancing; it is about your well-being and living a purpose-driven life.Key TakeawaysHow to deal with the gap between expectations and realityHow to practice self-acceptanceHow to unpack the fear of being a failure in the momentHow to understand the fear of being a failureThe problem with toxic positivityRelational Frame Theory of LanguageHow to nourish your observer-selfUnderstanding the observer-selfThe power of curiositySelf-compassion on-the-goShow notes with time stamps00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions01:00 The Struggles of Time Management01:07 Dealing with Disappointments and Failures05:31 Exploring Self-Acceptance06:01 The Ongoing Exercise of Self-Acceptance11:45 Unpacking the Fear of Failure14:12 The Impact of Toxic Positivity17:47 Tapping into the Observer Self18:01 Exercises to Connect with the Observer Self20:50 Understanding the Observer Self24:03 Experiencing Different Moods26:11 Relating to Past Experiences29:59 Overcoming the Fear of Failure(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do you find yourself anxiously anticipating rejection in everyday situations?The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others' facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. It’s like you’re expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.Understanding the root of rejection sensitivity and its connection to anxiety is pivotal to stop playing-it-safe automatically.In today’s episode, I interview Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.We delve deeper into the psychological processes behind rejection sensitivity and anxiety. You will hear practical strategies to break free from the shackles of rejection sensitivity and anxiety.Key TakeawaysSelf-distancingRejection sensitivityWhat maintains rejection sensitivityThe relationship between experiential avoidance and rejection sensitivityHow ambiguous situations are triggers for responses driven by rejection sensitivityThe use of self-talk Is it helpful to be highly sensitive in certain contexts? When and where? The upsides or benefits of high emotional sensitivityCan someone struggle with rejection sensitivity without a history of rejection? The intersection of emotion regulation and rejection sensitivityIs rejection sensitivity dysphoria different or the same as rejection sensitivity?FREE VALUES-BASED REVIEW (21-PAGES)How often do you play-it-safe? How often do you get stuck in your head? How often do you notice a gap between the life you want to live and the life you're living? You aren’t alone.When dealing with doubts, worries, anxieties, or fears, it's quite likely that you spend a lot of time in your head, thinking and thinking and relying on all types of strategies to manage all those anxious thoughts.If you’re ready to get out of your head and break free from those barriers that stand between you and the life you want to live, this practical 21-page guide will help you get back on track!The reality is that most of us live life letting life happen to us, and if we’re lucky, we figure out what’s truly important to us and what we want to stand for. So, another way to check how we're really living is by pausing, checking what truly matters to you, and whether your actions are congruent with those values or not.It includes a description of 9 life areas, a values thesaurus, a values-dashboard, and reflective prompts for each area in your life.Click here(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.I don’t deserve kindness.A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.Self-criticism motivates me all the time.Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.Key TakeawaysThe beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner criticThe difference between shame and guiltHow to approach self-forgivenessThe intersection of self-compassion and exposure practicesPaul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practiceWhat to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”How to deal compassionately with anger(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It was a true pleasure to discover the work and passion of Sonya Looney; her enthusiasm, laughs, and insights are contagious!There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more. Key TakeawaysThe mindset of an athleteThe upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-workingHow to skillfully manage unpredictabilityAcceptance of emotionsHow to deal with a strong attachment to goals or winningDefusion: thought - labelingGoodhart’s lawHow to manage physical fatigue using acceptance & defusion skillsHow to go back to your values when your mind gets noisyHow to manage comparison thoughtsABC of resilience(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In part 1, we discussed the foundations of how Dr. McKay thinks of process-based therapy. Today, we discuss, in particular, different mechanisms of action:What is attentional trainingHow to look at your values when getting stressedHow to practice acceptance How to handle uncertaintyHow reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day life(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
If anxiety is a part of our day to day life, if we hold on to the framework that to be human is to be anxious, how did anxiety ever become a problem? How do you go from worrying about not being good enough to chronic states of worry? How do you go from feeling uncomfortable taking the elevator to developing an elevator phobia?What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills – the core skills – that you can learn to navigate those anxious moments and get back into your life?Short-term fixes that help us avoid or numb our emotions may temporarily alleviate our internal discomfort, but the same responses can also end up causing anxiety, depression, chronic anger, and even physical health problems.In this episode, I chat with Matthew Mckay, Ph.D.Key Takeaways:The difference between rumination and worryRepetitive negative thinking as a processWhat is a transdiagnostic processHow anxiety becomes a problem in our lifeWhat is a safety-seeking behaviorProcess-based changes(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you.In this episode, Julian McNally, Ms. Psych., and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.Key TakeawaysCreative HopelessnessValues-based behaviorsValues-based exposuresNotice approaching versus avoidant behaviorsHow to practice acceptance of messy momentsFocus on your doing your best, not being the bestFocusing on what is happening right now instead of why is happening.(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with others’ social performance.When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.Key TakeawaysHow to live your valuesHow to practice commitmentPlaying-it-safe How to manage negativity biasesHow to deal with comparison thoughtsContext sensitivity(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Our minds are amazing at many, many things. Our minds are capable of remembering the birthday of the ones we love, calculating a budget for our next trip, thinking about our next writing project, and coming up with questions for a podcast. Our minds are also capable of ruminating, dwelling, coming up with strange thoughts, announcing all types of bad scenarios, and many more …why are our minds both so awesome and so challenging to deal with at times? How can we skillfully and effectively deal with our busy minds?In today’s episode, I interview Josh Malina, host of the podcast “Anxiety Book Club.” We discuss the different ways in which our minds influence our physical and mental health and the different approaches to dealing with them.Josh and I discuss how mindfulness and meditation can help us deal with our busy minds; he points out different times in which anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worry thoughts took him away from being present and pushed him to play-it-safe.You will hear from Josh how regular mindfulness practice has helped him transform his relationship with his thoughts, become an observer of his thoughts, and be non-judgmental of his worries, fears, and anxieties.We discuss in particular three practices: exposure exercises, acceptance and commitment skills, and internal family systems.I leave you with this quote:“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or would’ve happened… Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”– Tupac ShakurKey TakeawaysWhat is OCDWhat is Generalized Anxiety DisorderWhat is Internal Family SystemsWhat is perspective takingValuesExposure therapyTalk therapyTranscendental meditationChoiceless meditationMBSR(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When was the last time you had an aha moment in which your next steps were clear? Do you remember how it is to be in the midst of a difficult situation, and then, have clarity of what you need to do?If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.Without that awareness, it’s easier to play-it-safe, live automatically, and continue to respond to all those anxieties, worries, and fears in the same way you have been doing for years.One way to build that awareness is through the practice of mindfulness.In this conversation, Seth Gillihan, Ph.D. and I discuss how to nourish your mindfulness practice. In a world that moves so fast, and there are hundreds of mindfulness apps, books on mindfulness, and mindfulness teachers, it is easy to develop misconceptions surrounding the practice of mindfulness or to hope for a quick fix with it. But how can you really cultivate your mindfulness practice in your daily life? Key TakeawaysHow to approach mindfulness with a beginner’s mindThe intersection of Christianity and mindfulnessTips to practice mindfulness in your day-to-day lifeHow to use movement as a way to practice mindfulnessHow to bring yourself back to the present when your mind is wanderingThe intersection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulnessHow to coach yourself to recognize thoughts as thoughts versus getting consumed by themHow to practice non-attachment to how things are supposed to beThe relationship between non-attachment and mindfulnessHow looking for evidence for and against a worry may not be helpfulHow to use mindfulness skills to manage worry The benefits of developing an observer-self(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this second part of my conversation with Andrew Nalband, we discussed in detail how he manages all the noise that shows up in his head, what has worked, and what hasn’t when dealing with a tendency to do things right and perfectly.Key TakeawaysWhy meditation/mindfulness practices matterThe influence of cell phones on our thinkingThe difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptanceA key question to ask yourself when your mind comes up with a lot of thoughtsThe impact of “positive thinking” in our wellbeingHow to practice mindfulness on-the-go(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling. In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.Key TakeawaysThe raw version of how perfectionistic actions show upThe plus, benefits, and cons of perfectionistic actionsHow perfectionistic actions show up in all areas of lifeIf-then thoughtsHow to hold our mind lightly The beginnings of practicing mindfulnessHow to cultivate presence in your day-to-day life(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.