This true story was made into a song by an old friend, The Reverend Fred Small. He’s a wonderful singer-songwriter, performer; an activist and pastor dedicated to healing the earth, seeking justice, and tending our wounded spirits. His song’s about a therapist named Dan Murrow, who was fired for hugging his patients. He was convinced that hugging between consenting adults was therapeutically helpful, contrary to the hospital’s policy. The story made the papers in Boston back in the late ‘70’s. I actually met Dan Murrow at one of the National Conferences on the Healing Power of Laughter and Play. Of course, we hugged each other when we met.THE HUGDan Murrow is a mighty friendly man CBig and round like a bear F-CAnd he hugs his friends and his friends hug him C–D7Anytime, anywhere G-G7When his patients would come for therapy CTo drive their blues away FSooner or later, they’d feel a lot better C-F‘Cause this is what he’d say, G-G7Cho: I want a hug when we say “Hello”, CI want a hug when it’s time to go, FI want a hug, ‘cause I want you to know GThat I’m awfully fond of you! G7-CI want a hug, now if you please CI want a hug, I want to feel you squeeze FI want a hug, well it certainly seems G-G7Like the natural thing to do! G7-CNow when the Head of the hospital heard about itHe got all annoyedBecause hugging is ‘sexual sublimation’According to Dr. Freud!You can beat ‘em down, you can hide ‘em away,You can keep ‘em quiet with drugsYou can strap ‘em and zap ‘em with electroshockBut you better not give ‘em a hug!ChorusSo the boss said “Dan, clear out your desk!Your conduct is lax and lewd.Any deviation from standard medicalPractice can get us sued!”Now Dan don’t feel so bad for himselfIn fact, he’s kind of proudBut he’s sorry for the folks who are locked awayWhere hugging ain’t allowed!ChorusWritten by Fred Small, ©Copyright 1981, Pine Barrens Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and Ebenezer’s Make Over (full length feature!) peteralsop.comHuman feelings are often discounted in our places of work, our institutions, our churches, mosques and temples, our hospitals, schools and universities. Our society has a very limited understanding about the powerful part that our ‘feelings’ have, as they affect our own health and sense of wellness, which in turn, impact the health and the day-to-day functioning of our organizations.Many of us who work on recovery in our personal lives, regularly see positive changes in ourselves and our families when we pay attention to what’s going on for us in the feelings department. Unfortunately, trying to live up to the many expectations we face daily, can threaten our personal sobriety! We are asked to work harder and longer than is healthy. We’re asked to be dishonest, or at least to keep our mouths shut if we see something going on that may be unjust or unfair. We’re expected to triangulate; go around certain people who might not approve of what we’re doing, so we actually practice avoiding them. In order to be accepted, we find ourselves being manipulative or overly critical of others, and we ‘smoosh down’ our more sensitive selves and our caring feelings, so we ‘don’t get accused of ‘making waves’.People like Dan Murrow say, “If I must choose between working here and being healthy, I choose health.” But when we commit to making ‘healthy choices’, we’re often the ones who get replaced, canned, fired! When we draw a line, and stop enabling, accepting and ignoring other people’s unhealthy behaviors, we create problems for an organization, because when we do that, other people feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to change their old addictive behaviors and patterns. Dan Murrow got fired because some people in the organization were uncomfortable with his behavior.Guidelines about ‘not hugging’ our patients are set up because some people with authority learn that ‘touching’ is a very potent physical practice that instantly defines and delineates who has ‘power’ to touch another person in the organization without first asking permission. And they don’t want to give that up.Ellen Bass, the co-author of ‘The Courage To Heal’ suggests that there are many needy therapists who actually do ask for inappropriate hugs from their already vulnerable patients or clients. Many people have been physically or sexually abused by someone in a more powerful position. Therapists need to take care of our own hugging needs outside of our practice.I understand that Dr. Dan Murrow would always ask patients if they would like a hug before he’d hug someone. He was interested in working to break down some of the stigma associated with ‘caring touch’ as a therapeutic aid in a trusting relationship. For those of us who lived through the 60’s and 70’s, it’s clear that the practice of hugging others has moved light years beyond where we were back then.We have also gone through having Co-Vid run rampant in our midst. There’s been a whole lot less hugging since we learned that the virus is spread through the air and through touch. Even with our heightened awareness of how Co-Vid and other infectious diseases spread, we still see people with power who touch others physically in ways that clearly demonstrate the inequities that exist between the ‘touch-ers’ and the ‘touch-ees’.It was difficult for my Dad and the men in his generation to hug other men because of the stigma of homophobia, and not wanting to appear ‘gay’. I was in my twenties and in college, and I remember knowing my Dad was uncomfortable when I hugged him, especially in public. I sort of enjoyed his ‘discomfort’ while I was holding him. He’d pat my back and try to break away, but I wouldn’t let him go. I’d say, “Dad, … that was a very short hug. Were those ‘pats on my back’ your signal that the hug was over for you?” He’d laugh, and struggle, but of course, I still wouldn’t let him go. I’d start discussing things with him. “Dad, … do you think a hug should only last a required amount of time? Or are you having homophobic concerns that one or both of us might be gay? And why are you ‘the one’ who gets to determine when we stop hugging!” He’d try to pull away, still protesting that he wasn’t homophobic, … and he’d stop, and give me a big sloppy kiss, and we’d both have a good laugh.I notice young Dads today spend lots more time holding and hugging their kids than our parents did. It’s slow, but we’re definitely moving in the right direction!Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful for someone you know.Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Peter Alsop’s ‘SONGS TO CHEW’ audio podcasts!Thanks for reading Peter’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. Click HERE to purchase Peter’s albums: cds-dvds-movies-and-songbooksTo send me a comment, sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, or you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
I BELIEVE YOUWhen you tell me you are scared A-F#mI will listen ‘cause I care F#m-AI remember bein’ scared too Bm-F#mSo when you tell me, I believe you E-AWhen you’re angry or you’re sadEven if you’re feeling badI remember feelin’ bad tooSo when you tell me, I believe youMaybe I can help you with an idea D-C#mMaybe I know something that’ll make things clear Bm-AMaybe I won’t know what to do D-C#mBut I can be a safe place, and I believe you E-AWhen I was a kid, I criedHad a secret deep insideBut the grown-ups could not seeI thought “Something must be wrong with me”(whistling instrumental)So when you tell me you are scaredI will listen ‘cause I careI remember bein’ scared tooSo when you tell me, I believe you.When you tell me, I believe you.When you tell me, ... I believe you.Written by Peter Alsop, ©1992, Moose School Music (BMI)On Wake-Up! dvd, Chris Moose Holidays, and Songs On Recovery & Addictionwww.peteralsop.comDid you know that feelings are contagious? When someone around us feels sad, do you ever notice that you kind of feel sad too? So, we say things like, “What’s wrong?” or “Don’t feel sad!” or “Let’s go get something to eat!”. We hope to distract them, or fix their problem or cheer them up. Our goal seems to be that we want to help them, … but often, it’s because we don’t want to feel sad ourselves!Many of us grew up in families and cultures where it wasn’t okay to show or express our painful feelings in any way, so now, when we feel angry, sad or scared, it also feels embarrassing, … like we’re doing something wrong! And to avoid that, we say things like: “Cheer up!” ~ “Don’t be scared!” ~ “It’s okay, … calm down!” ~ or as a last resort, “Oh c’mon! I don’t believe THAT!”It would be great, if the next time we feel sad, scared or angry, someone would come up to us and gently say, “Wow, … you look really sad, (or scared or angry). I feel really sad too sometimes. I’ll just sit here with you if you want.” And then they don’t try to cheer us up, or calm us down or tell us what to do or that they don’t believe us. People who can do that, are people who know how to create ‘a safe space’ for others.Illustration by Terri AsherI’ve learned that in order to be a ‘safe place’ for others, we need to have our own ‘healthy feelings vocabulary’. When we actually pay attention to our feelings and become familiar with our own sadness and fears and angers, then we can be around those upset ‘contagious’ feelings from others. Building a ‘healthy feelings vocabulary’ means we learn to manage our own painful feelings, so we don’t have to ‘stop’ others or ‘shut them down’ to avoid having our own feelings triggered. We know what our sadness, anger and fear feels like, so we don’t have to be afraid if they surface in response to our empathy with other people’s strong feelings.The hardest part of learning how to be a ‘safe place’ for me, was to just ‘be present and listen’. I always want to jump in and solve their problems, instead of helping them figure out what might be best for them to do. When I can be quiet and listen, and allow them to talk, it helps them figure out their own best ways to proceed. I know that when I’m frightened, sad or angry, and I tell someone else about my strong feelings, ... it doesn’t help much when they jump in and tell me what to do, or how to feel! All it does is convince me that I don’t want to tell them about my deep feelings anymore, because they just showed me that they aren’t really a very ‘safe person’ to tell!Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful for someone you know.Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, or you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
LIFELINEYou carried me, home in your arms G-C-D,G-C-DYou loved me so much, and you kept me from harmYou washed me and fed me, the years how they flewAnd now you need my help, and I’ll care for you!There’s a lifeline that ties me to you, Am-C-GLife rolls like a wheel through whatever we doThrough all of the hard times and anger we feel G-D9-C-GThe love that we have, well it helps us to heal, G-D9-Am-DLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through! D-D7-G-C-D,G-C-DYou’ve nowhere to go, and you don’t like to leanAt the old people’s home, they’re packed in like sardines,So the baby can sleep in the crib one more yearPut the kids in together, there’s room for you here!There’s a lifeline that ties me to youOvernight power runs out the holes in our shoesWhen the looking glass flips, there’s no wrong or rightDo the best we can and hold hands in the fightLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Most of the time now, you’re clear as a bellBut the body you’re using’s not working so wellAnd I know we get crazy when our patience is goneHey, ain’t it amazing, how we hold on,To that lifeline that ties me to youLife rolls like a wheel through whatever we doThrough all of the hard times and anger we feelThe love that we have, well it helps us to healLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Love’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1983, Moose School Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and Songs On Loss & Griefwww.peteralsop.comPracticing the art of loving, ... can get us through some of the hardest times we have while we care for our parents. We all have losses to deal with in our lives, but older people often experience losses more frequently. Besides losing family members and friends who have died, there’s the loss of good health and vigor to deal with, ... and loss of time to accomplish dreams that were never realized.As our own children grow up and begin to go out into the world on their own, many of our parents or older relatives become needful of our help. We then face tough decisions about bringing them back into our own busy lives and home, perhaps acting as their principal caregiver.My grandmother actually did come to live with us, and it was both difficult and rewarding, as we learned how to get along with each other. In our culture older family members often live by themselves, or in a community of other older people, separate from the younger members of their own families. Many of us Americans grew up in our core nuclear family, without our grandparents in the same house. We didn’t get many real experiences or a clear understanding of how we will age ourselves later in our own lives. So, it was wonderful for my kids to have an older person in our immediate family home.My dear friend and teacher, Dr. Joseph Cruse talks about a ‘de-cathexis’, ... a letting go that happens within our families. As we children grow up, we need to let go of the expectations that our parents will continue to ‘parent’ us forever. They will always be our parents, but as we become adults and take our own power in the world, their ‘parenting’ behaviors need to transform into a more equal ‘friendship’ type of relationship between equal adults, without the power inequities that happen when children are little and parents are big. We can help to create a healthy balanced relationship with our own aging parents, when we are neither crutches nor burdens to each other.1980 photo by Ellen Geer of Grandmother, Dad, me, Megan & WillowI hugged my grandmother often, but I realized one day, ... that it was the only touching that she received. As she depended on us more and more, I was reminded of how like a child she had become, and that little babies get a sense of themselves that is related to how, and how often other people touch them. So I started a program of fifteen-minute foot-rubs for my grandmother, and with her permission, I would turn on a recorder, massage her feet, and ask her pointed questions about her life and our family. We compiled quite an oral history, punctuated with little moans and comments about how good it felt to have some spot on her foot rubbed! She’s say, “Ooooh! That feels sooo good! Are you married?” I’d say“Grandmother! Cut that out!” I have it on tape.I know she enjoyed the foot-rubs, but she also enjoyed ‘being listened to’ and having someone take time with her, so she felt that she was loved and valued, even though she was unable to help much with the maintenance of our bustling, rushing around young family. It was fulfilling for both of us when she was able to pass on some of her life experiences to me, an interested younger relative. And I got to see some of the family patterns that had echoed down through the generations, and to understand that I was not just a man alone in the world, but also a link in the family chain.I had the privilege of working with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She is best known for her work with patients with catastrophic illnesses who were dying. She would say that, “When we can’t increase the quantity of someone’s life, we can increase the quality of it.”She told me about one patient she was working with, and Elisabeth came into her room and said, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” And the patient said, “Yes Elisabeth, there is.” And Elisabeth said “Oh! What?” And the woman said, “Go away!”Elisabeth said she went out in the other room, and she felt crushed. She had only wanted to ‘help’ this person. And she said, “Wait a minute! What’s going on here? I asked, and this woman gave me a perfectly ‘okay’ request. Why am I feeling so upset!?” And she thought for a moment and said, “I think I just learned that when I have hurt feelings like this, a little red flag goes up and says to me, ‘Elisabeth, you have some unfinished business to take care of! This person just helped you see that it’s in this area, and you need to take a look at it!”Like Elisabeth, I think there are lots of those little red flags that come up for us, … especially working in human services, or actually just working with other people who we want to help. Knowing what’s ‘my stuff’, and what’s ‘their stuff’, … is very helpful and important.Those little red flags come up all the time in our relationships, and that’s where our commitment to self-growth comes in. It helps when we are aware of the opportunities those flags provide for us, so we can say, “I’m gonna take a look at what’s going on here! Even if I have to wait until later today, I want to figure out what’s going on inside of me, because when I do, … I’m better able to be more clear with the people I’m trying to help. I can’t teach what I don’t know!”Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
While we think we’re just watching, we’re also being shaped by the stories and images we see. We watch how others live their lives and we see the values they hold. Our brains notice everything, even if we’re not paying much attention, and we compare what we do, with what ‘they’ do. Here’s a live concert video from 1990 when Pete Seeger invited me to join him on stage at the Theatricum Botanicum in Topanga.YOU GET A LITTLE EXTRA WHEN YOU WATCH TV.Cho: You get a little extra when you watch TV CAin’t that ducky! Well you’re lucky if you see, that G7You get a little extra when you watch TV! C-G7-CYou sit too close and you get a big surpriseLots of radiation in your body and your eyesYour eardrums hum when someone turns it up too high,When you watch TV!We learn lots about our bodies and our aches and pains,Headaches, hemorrhoids, heartburn, diarrhea, denture stainsGotta buy more drugs t’stop your stresses and your strainsWhen you watch TV !ChorusWhen someone in an advertisement tells me liesI jump up and switch the channels, so I get some exerciseAnd my body’s getting healthy and my mind is getting wiseWhen I watch TV!Daddies only love the Mommies when the dirt’s all goneFrom their shirts and shiny floors, the coffee has t’be right on,I’m so glad my Dad’s not fussy, cause he’d leave my Mom,If he watched TV!ChorusIn real life it never works when people goAnd hit and kick and punch and smash each other’s heads and toesBut it always solves the problems on the cartoon showsWhen you watch TV!Last night on the highway when our car got stalledWe saw a bloody accident with bodies that were mauledThough my folks got sick, it didn’t bother me at all.Cause I watch TV!ChorusNow you may think that I am lazy, don’t you call me namesI’ve learned important skills from playing video gamesIf a spaceship should attack us I could shoot ‘em down in flames,Cause I watch TV!And a big TV can really give you quite a restIf you get one near your bed, you’ve got no reason to get dressedYou never have to talk to anyone, your life is a successWhen you watch TV!ChorusWritten by Peter Alsop, ©1983, Moose School Music (BMI)On Wha’D’Ya Wanna Do?, Songs On Recovery & Addiction, & Pie In The Skyhttps://www.peteralsop.com(Illustration by @TerriAsher)I wrote this song in 1983 about all the little hidden messages we get when watching television. It’s helped thousands of kids and families build awareness about how we are subtly influenced every day through our ‘media screens’. I think it’s even more relevant now than it was back then, because when we go into our ‘screen-time focus’, we check out of our ‘real-time awareness’, and we miss many of the interactions we could be having with real people and real things that are actually right there in front of us. Our ‘real time’ life-minutes tick by without us picking up on the nuances of the world around us. And, of course most of us have our own portable private screens now! When screen time becomes ‘normal’, we don’t even question that maybe we’re getting unhealthy radiation from our device. Everyone else is doing it!If taking a pill is the ‘normal’ way we stop our pain, we may embrace the message, that everything problematic in our live can be ‘fixed’ with some elusive simple answer.If I believe that I’m getting sufficient exercise simply by getting up to change channels, (although everyone nowadays has remote channel changers!), I’m unlikely to put the ‘screen’ away and go outside for a walk or a jog. You get the point.It’s very human and normal to focus on our entertainment or on how many ‘friends’ we have listed on the internet, but as we become more aware of the powerful, subtle, nowadays dishonest and manipulative cultural messages we are exposed to, … the less likely it is that we will believe those stories and take them to heart. We will tell ourselves more uplifting, hopeful stories about how we can support each other in our communities and our work places, and find courage to speak truth to power when we need to do that. That’s how we can build a better future that leaves space for love and kind-hearted caring, for ourselves, others and for all life on our planet.Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
It’s the end of October again, and I’ve noticed scatterings of children test-driving their Halloween costumes in the super-market aisles, making sure they work! Hidden inside their new identity, they are no longer just a ‘child-in-a-supermarket’! They’ve been transformed by their costume and they want to be sure that they’re all set for the big night. It’s delicious fun to become someone or something else, isn’t it?! Costumes enable us to explore completely different realms than those we ordinarily inhabit.COSTUME PARTYCho:It’s a costume party, and everyone is here! D-A7, D-A7-DIt’s a costume party, and everyone is here! D-A7, D-A7-DYou wear a blue dress, you, red sneakers A7-DYou wear a suit and tie A7-DYou wear flowers, you wear stripes A7-DYou put make-up on your eyes! E-A7ChorusYou wear brown skin, you wear whiteYour head is clean and bareYou poked holes through your earlobesYou’ve got a wart, I bet, somewhere!Or maybe you dye your hair!?ChorusWe may be blind, or we wear glassesWe st-stutter when we talkSometimes our ears just do not hearOr we use wheels when we walk!ChorusOur disguises could win prizesEach one’s qualifiedBut the only thing that really mattersIs who we are inside!Chorus (2x)Written by Peter Alsop, ©1987 Moose School Music (BMI)On Pluggin’ Away & Costume Party DVDhttps://www.peteralsop.com We all wear costumes. Every day, the clothing we put on is essentially our costume for the day. And when we wear different costumes, we get to see the world through different glasses, which is great! We learn so much by exploring other diverse ways to go through our lives. We build new skills and stories for ourselves when we’re exposed to new and different ideas from simply rubbing shoulders with others who are not like us.It’s true that most of what we learn comes from people around us, and the people with whom we are most familiar are, … our own families! But some of the family lessons we absorb can be very difficult to ‘change’ later on. As we get older, we discover that we need to shed some of the beliefs and behaviors we grew up with, ... in order to continue to grow.Our costumes provide us with an ‘outward appearance’ that might not fit us exactly, but that’s okay, because we need to ‘try on new things’ to see how they fit us.It’s interesting to see how our ‘costumes’ affect other people, and how they respond to what they see. The very same ‘costume’ can generate a bunch of different responses from different people. Have you noticed that when we see someone who is ‘unfamiliar’ or different than we are, most of us are very ‘curious’ about this ‘new’ person. Some of us become extra cautious, and even suspicious or fearful of other folks who look strange to us.I’m mostly curious about people who look different than I do. I have friends who pay close attention to how others look, and some of those friends constantly worry about themselves, wondering if they ‘fit in’ or are ‘approved of’ by others. They seem preoccupied with making sure that they don’t stand out as ‘different’. I have other friends who seem to feel ashamed of their appearance. They kind of hide themselves, and try to stay out of the limelight.It’s easy to forget that beneath our elaborate costumes and disguises, our covers and masks, that all of us humans feel very similar feelings; happy, sad, scared and angry. These are where we connect. These are what we have in common and where we share our vulnerabilities. And when we understand this, our external costumes become fascinating and delicious, and a cause more for curiosity than fear.Some costume features we get to choose, like our clothing, hairdo, hats, make-up or earrings. Others factors of our appearance, we’re born with, or we acquire as we live; such as our skin, scars, our hair color, our gender, our baldness, our age or any of our other visible physical differences. We usually feel more comfortable being in a group of people who look like us because we feel familiar with them. We all need to feel like we belong, so gathering ourselves into these homogeneous groups is usually fine, unless we begin to avoid other groups of people who ‘don’t look like us’. Because when we spend time with people who are different than we are, we get to know them, and our nervousness about their differences drops away, and it becomes easier for us to notice and appreciate our similarities.For those of us whose family of origin, our ‘birth family’, didn’t feel like a safe place, our fear of being rejected may be a big part of how we costume ourselves as we relate to others. I learned that we can actually choose to make our own safe place by asking some of the friends we hang with, who feel comfortable and who support us to be part of our own ‘family of choice’!Overcoming our own fear of rejection is necessary for us to break out of our isolation and start new friendships. That’s why having a Costume Party is a good idea. Especially as we learn how to be a ‘safe place’ for others, where we don’t immediately judge them. When we feel like we are in a safe place, we can all reveal ourselves to each other, instead of trying to strip away each other’s masks!Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
I wrote “Gotta Lotta Livin’ To Do” in the midst of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 1980’s, which was spreading like wildfire through the Gay community.My daughters Megan and Willow joined me when I went to perform at a California Men’s Gathering back then, ... and the men kept coming up to ‘thank me’ for coming to sing and bringing my daughters along. There was so much fear back then about contracting HIV from gay men. No one knew for certain yet, how this deadly virus was transmitted. People were terrified that they or one of their loved ones might get infected from just being near a gay man. Many folks avoided their gay friends and co-workers, which was tremendously painful for everyone! Eventually we learned the virus is transmitted from intimate physical contact. Because of our homophobic culture and administration, important governmental support for finding a cure was essentially non-existent at first. Here’s one of the songs I sang at that Gathering.GOTTA LOTTA LIVIN’ TO DO (D)I’ve got a friend with AIDS, D-GHe’s just like me and you D-GI’ve got a friend with AIDS, D-GWe gotta lotta livin’ to do! A-DSomedays we get sad, D-GSo here is what we do, D-G, D-GWe play together as much as we can D-GAnd I love him a lot ‘cause he’s my friend, yeah, D-GMe and my friend with AIDS, D-GGotta lotta livin’ to do! A-DV1: What is AIDS? It’s a virus bug G-D-A-DWhat can you do? Well, I give’m a hug G-D-A-DYou hug your friend? Sure, and he hugs me G-D-A-DBut aren’t you scared? Well, I used to be A, G-DI’d be scared! Well, you’d learn alot A, D-A-DWhat would I learn? What’s safe, what’s not A, G-DCould I get AIDS? That’s hard to do A, D-A-DBut some kids have it Yes, that’s true A, G-DWhere’s the AIDS? It’s in his blood G, D-A-DWhat if he bleeds? We patch him up G, D-A-DCause AIDS won’t let his blood cells fight. G-D-A-DSo I shouldn’t touch his blood? Y’got that right!! A-A7I’ve got a friend with AIDS,And someday he might dieBut someday, so will you,And someday so will ISomedays we get sad,So here is what we do,We play together as much as we canAnd I love him a lot, ‘cause he’s my friend, yeah,Me’n my friend with AIDS,We gotta lotta livin’ to do!What if he cries? We wipe his eyesYou touch his tears? There’s no need for fearsWhat about his ears? With a cotton swabYou clean his ears?! No! That’s his job!What about his spit? He swallows it!What about his hair? No virus there!His breath is fine? It smells just like mine!Does he feel ashamed? No, he’s not to blame!I’ve got a friend with AIDS,And someday he might dieBut someday, so will you,And someday so will I.I’ll tell you what I’m thinkin’ of,When we’re afraid, we just can’t loveAnd loving’s how I want to be,So I don’t let fear take over me!Here’s what we can do,We can play together as much as we canAnd I love him a lot ‘cause he’s my friend, yeah,Me and my friend with AIDS,We gotta lotta livin’ to do,Gotta lotta livin’, gotta lotta livin’,Gotta lotta livin’ to do!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1989, Moose School Music (BMI)On Peter’s ‘Pluggin’ Away’~ ‘Songs On Loss & Grief’ ~ ‘Ebenezer’s Make Over’https://www.peteralsop.comIn the late 1980’s, a wonderful woman named Elizabeth Glaser called to tell me she was a fan, and that her children, Ariel and Jake, loved my songs. I thanked her and we said good-bye with no idea that we would meet again. When she called me a few years later, she shared her ‘back story’.She had contracted HIV in a blood transfusion in 1981 while giving birth to her daughter Ariel. She and her husband, actor Paul Michael Glaser, of “Starsky and Hutch” fame, later learned that Elizabeth had unknowingly passed the virus on to Ariel through breast milk and that their son, Jake, had contracted the virus in utero. The Glasers discovered, in the course of trying to treat Ariel, that the drug companies and health agencies had no idea that HIV was prevalent among children. The only drugs on the market were for adults; nothing had been tested or approved for children.Little Ariel lost her battle with AIDS in 1988. She was 7 years old. Fearing that Jake’s life was also in danger, Elizabeth rose to action. She and her close friends, Susie Zeegen and Susan DeLaurentis formed the Pediatric Aids Foundation to raise money for pediatric HIV/AIDS research.In 1989, the Foundation held its first fundraiser and awarded its first grant for research on the immune dysfunctions in children living with HIV. Dozens more Washington trips and research grants followed, but neither the Bush nor the Reagan administrations did much of anything to help end the AIDS epidemic.I was greatly flattered when Elizabeth called to invite me to come sing at the Pediatric AIDS Fundraiser that the Disney Company was putting on at the Universal Amphitheater. Willow and I would get to meet and perform with a slew of “television and music industry celebrities”, like Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, Randy Newman, Bobby McFerrin, Ted Danson, Patti LaBelle, Woody Harrelson, Paula Abdul, Salt-N-Pepa, and the list went on!I was sure they would ask me to sing “Gotta Lotta Livin’ To Do”, because there were no other songs like it. It’s a musical way to inform kids, parents and teachers, while it helps us talk about the subject, so it’s not so scary.But when I finally spoke to the Disney Record executives, they said they didn’t want a song about AIDS! They said it was a fund-raiser for ‘AIDS research’, and they wanted me to play my song, ‘I Am A Pizza’ instead! They said “the musical content of the CD has to be non-threatening in any way, so we can sell lots of CD’s. If we’re careful not to offend or scare anyone, we can make lots of money for the Foundation!”, … which they did!I felt that their ‘caution’ was exactly the same kind of fear that was keeping the general public insulated from the devastation that was happening in the gay community, … and I was ready to tell them I wouldn’t come if they didn’t let me do that song! I suspect they would have just said “Fine with us!”, ... but instead, they explained to me that in the video portion of the show, they would be including a lot of the clear messaging and information between the songs that I thought was so important. And those messasges would be informing the audiences who saw the video about AIDS safety and caring. I struggled, but finally agreed to sing “I Am A Pizza” with Willow.If you’d like to find a link for the album, it’s called “For Our Children: the concert”, (click on the cover!)In 1994, ... Elizabeth Glaser lost her own battle with AIDS, and to honor her legacy, the Pediatric AIDS Foundation was renamed the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation (EGPAF). If you have a chance, ... click on her name to go online and check out the incredibly stirring speech she made at the 1992 Democratic Convention. It’s really worth watching.Fear runs some people’s lives, and there isn’t much space left for love when we’re full of fear. If we can get solid scientific information and keep our hearts open, we won’t feel so afraid. We won’t have to ‘stuff and cut off’ our feelings. When we run into scary painful experiences like AIDS, or CoVid, or Authoritarianism, we get a chance to stretch and grow spiritually by finding support, and learning how to walk through our fears and hold onto our loving attitude at the same time, even though we’re still afraid. There’s a lot more living and learning that most of us still have to do here.After the concert at the Theatricum with Willow, … Pete Seeger suggested that I might want to make this song a ‘sing-along’ by having the audience sing on the chorus, “Gotta lotta livin’, gotta lotta livin’, gotta lotta livin’ to dooooo!” And that’s exactly what I did! This year, 2025, … thirty-five years after that 1990 concert we did with Pete, I sang “Gotta Lotta Livin’ To Do” again on the Theatricum stage with Willow’s 10 year old son, my grandson Julius Geer-Polin! We performed in my theatrical musical play “Ebenezer’s Make Over”. The story is based on the Charles Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”, but it’s not about Christmas; it’s about how three ‘Spirits’ visit Ebenezer Scrooge one night and with songs and wisdom and laughter, they help him see how his patriarchal attitudes were formed and what will happen to our world if men don’t change our competitive, gender-linked behaviors.Here’s the song from the play, led off by actors Lynn Robert Berg playing ‘Scrooge’, and Gerald C. Rivers playing ‘Carroll, the Spirit of Present Time’.I finally recorded this song on my “Pluggin’ Away” album, and I asked Ry Cooder if he might be able to come by and play some slide guitar with me. He said “Sure!”, and my daughter Willow sang it with us. (Here’s a YouTube link to our studio version with Ry Cooder playing great slide guitar!) Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
THE LETTER TO MR. BROWNDear Mr. Brown, from the kids in Room Two G-C-GWe’re writing you a letter, like you taught us to do C-G-C-DWe all got together at lunch this noon G-Em-CAnd we decided we’d better do something soon. G-C-D9-G‘Cause lately you’ve been diff’rent, and we don’t know why G-A-Am-GDid we do something wrong? Am7-GWe’re sorry and we’ll try C-D9To act a little better, if we’ve been bad G-A-Am-GWe all think that you’re the best teacher we’ve had Am7-G-D9-GYou used to hold our hands, Am7-GWhen we walked across the street Am7-GYou used to help us wash them, Am7-GJust before we went to eat C-D9And you used to kneel down and help G-Am7Jose’ tie up his shoes, Bm7-CAnd sometimes you would thumb-wrestle, G-Am7Usually you’d lose! D9-GYou used to boost up Ray and Alice on the monkey bars Am7-G-Am7-GYou used to put your arm around us, Am7-GWhen we got our stars C-D9Whenever we played ‘tag’, you were ‘it’ the most, G-Am7-Bm7-CN’ you’d even help Tyrone G-Am7When he’d forget to blow his nose! D9-GYou used to help us button up Am7-GOur coats, when it was chilly Am7-GYou used to mess our hairs up, Am7-GWith your hand, when we were silly. C-D9N’ you used to hug us sometimes, G-Am7When we fell and hurt our knees, Bm7-CBut you never touch us anymore, Em,So Mr. Brown, please, … Dm7+9-D9Tell us why you’re mad at us, G-AAnd honest, we will change! Am-GYou still help us learn to read and add, Am7-Gbut now you’re acting strange C-D9You never made us nervous, G-AOr kept us after school Am-GYou never touched us anywhere Am7-GThat was against the rules D9-GSo, Mr. Brown please, tell us what we did, G-C-Em-GAnd we hope you read our letter, ‘Cause it’s signed by ev’ry kid C-G-C-D9-GSigned: Robert, Susan, Rosie, Lee, Ian, Mark, and Russell T., G-Am7, G-Am7Jade, and Alice, Nico, Ray, Darrell, Thomas, Russell A., G-Am7, G-Am7Ellen, Jennifer, and Mary, Lynn, Felicia, and Gary, G-Am7, G-Am7Jose’, Reggie, Barbara, Joan, Em7-Em6Harold, and your friend, Tyrone C-D9-GWritten by Peter Alsop, © 1986, Moose School Music (BMI)On ‘Take Me With You!’ and ‘Songs On Sex & Sexuality’Thanks to Megan & Willow Geer-Alsop and Vinessa Shaw for singing with me!www.peteralsop.comI wrote the LETTER TO MR. BROWN in 1986 to address the difficult situations faced by adults who work with children. It mentions healthy and safe ways that adults have caring physical contact with children as we help them go through their day.Of course, child sexual abuse has not ‘gone away’ since then. It’s often hidden, yet it’s still very current in the today’s news. It happens all around the world, from the Epstein files to abductions and rapes, and there’s always the constant, not-very-subtle subjugation faced by victims and survivors of our patriarchy and male dominant cultures. This power-based subjugation is felt by girls and boys and non-gender specific kids and their families, and by members of the LGBTQIA+ and the #MeToo movement communities, along with millions of other individuals in the privacy of our own homes and families.Although there are plentiful resources that provide sexual abuse prevention materials online, ... it’s still uncomfortable for parents to address this subject with our own kids. When we became parents, most of us didn’t get lessons about how to talk with our children about being safe. And of course, we don’t want to scare our children unnecessarily. Many adults have concerns about appropriate touching or hugging kids. Parents and step-parents, school teachers, principals and pre-school aides, doctors and nurses, religious leaders and Little League coaches and Brownie troop organizers, have all learned to avoid touching children for any reason, except for emergencies, and even then, we want to be sure there’s another adult in the room because of fear. No one wants to get into trouble for being accused of doing something wrong!And our kids want and need to know that they’re important, cared for and loved. How we touch them lets them know that, in very powerful ways that no words can quite convey.When an adults stops hugging and touching in healthy, appropriate ways, children often blame themselves and think that they must have done something wrong to deserve it. When their teacher Mr. Brown was told to refrain from having any physical contact with his students, they think it must have been something THEY did, … that it was their ‘fault’.It’s really the job of an adult to set clear physical boundaries with children. Even a simple hug can be inappropriate if the adult is feeling sexually aroused or needy and using the child to meet their own needs. Healthy children, like healthy adults who have learned to trust their feelings, usually know when something feels ‘creepy’ or ‘not quite right’. It’s confusing and abusive to children and to our own ‘inner child’ when we mix what should have been a caring hug with a goal-oriented sexual caress.Along with modeling a number of examples of ways that teachers can touch and help children in appropriate ways, this song also models an honest and healthy negotiation between the kids and their teacher. They noticed something going on with Mr. Brown, and rather than ignore or discount their ‘funny feelings’, they wrote a letter to him and every one of the kids signed it! Their ‘letter’ brings it out in the open, so they can all talk about it.Thousands of people have played this song with kids, and then they discuss the things that the song addresses. That’s where we become ‘a safe place’ for the kids, as we answer their questions. It’s what I call ‘chewing on a song’! And lots of questions will come up, so we need to have patience, and the courage to take the time to have those discussions. It’s always okay for a parent to say “Gee, ... I don’t know the answer to that question. I’ll find out!” or “How do you think we should handle this to make it feel safe for everyone?”Illustration by Terri AsherKIDPOWER.ORGMore than fifty years ago, my dear friends Irene Van der Zande and Timothy Dunphy started a program called Kidpower. They continue to present wonderful programs for children, teens and parents about how to empower children and families to be safe as we grow up together. They will come to your town and present a workshop with you or your organization. Both of my daughters went through their program, and more recently, my granddaughter and grandson have taken their training too! It’s a real gift that ‘keeps on giving’ for the rest of that child’s life. They help us parents too!One of the many suggestions that Kidpower gives to families about keeping kids safe, is to have the parents and the child make up a special password that no one else knows. Then if the parent’s plans change, and they can’t pick the child up after school or from a party or event, ... they can give that special password to a friend and ask them to meet their child. When that friend shows up, they can help the child feel safe about the change in plans by sharing the special ‘password’, so the child knows that their parents sent them. If that adult doesn’t know the password, then the child knows to wait for their parents. . Kidpower.org, ... check it out!Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know. Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word! Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
As a psychologist and songwriter, I’ve made my living lecturing, consulting, writing songs and doing concerts for kids, parents and human service professionals. I’ve presented at conferences and concerts all over the world for more than 50 years.I wrote ‘Baby Needs A Parent’ in 1980, when most single parent families were headed by Moms. These days there are more Dads heading single-parent families than there were back then, but a 2022 US census reported that approximately 80% of single-parent families with kids under 18 are still headed by women, as compared to only 20% headed by single men.BABY NEEDS A PARENTBaby don’t need no silver spoon GDon’t need no rub-a-dub-dub G-DIt’s apparent that a baby needs a parent who G-CCan give that baby some love! D-D7-GNow every baby’s got one MamaAnd every baby’s got one PopThese days some babies live with one or the otherCause the parents get all split-up!Now if a baby’s only got one personTo guide that baby alongWell you might think “that’s a one-sided baby”But maybe you might be wrongThough everybody says that a baby girlNeeds to learn a woman’s gentle touchAnd a boy needs a man to raise him, andTo show him how to be tough, . .You know a baby can grow-up gentle,When a gentle Daddy takes good care.And a baby can grow up stron and braveWhen a strong, brave Mama is there!Baby don’t need no silver spoonDon’t need no rub-a-dub-dubIt’s apparent that a baby needs a parent whoCan give that baby some love!Now every baby’s gotta have at least one personWho can be both gentle and strongWell if the Mama and the Daddy can both do thatThen that baby’s never gonna go wrong!Baby don’t need no silver spoonDon’t need no rub-a-dub-dubIt’s apparent that a baby needs a parent whoCan give that baby, … some love!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1980 Moose School Music (BMI)On Uniforms and Songs On Sex & Sexuality – www.peteralsop.comSociety sees mothers and fathers differently. For thousands of years, people have felt that child rearing is primarily a woman’s domain. Mothers have always been expected to be the best person for that job. The old image of a father, who never changed a diaper, doesn’t know how to make meals for his kids, and who functions as ‘the bread-winner’ has faded, as men in the US today, take a much more active role in raising their children than we used to when I was a child.In the past, divorce courts usually awarded child custody to the mother of young children, because mothers were assumed to be the ‘better’ parent. The father, if he was lucky, would get visitation rights. (Remember Robin Williams as“Mrs. Doubtfire”?) Fortunately, more courts are allowing men custody and more quality time with our children. That’s a big change for the better, although there is still plenty of room for more equity.Much of the research on single parents has centered around single moms. When compared to mothers with partners, (regardless of gender), single moms have higher levels of psychological distress, generally lower socio-economic status, and their physical health is worse. They are also at greater risk of mortality. Single fathers are still largely understudied.As a culture, we still do not fully acknowledge that men can be great dads and primary caregivers for children. There are support groups, and books for all dads, and we see ‘changing’ tables in men’s bathrooms now, so things are changing. Even so, I think we are still way behind where we ought to be with encouraging our sons and young men to see themselves as caregivers and nurturers. I’d love to hear from any of you folks with your suggestions or examples of what we can do to raise our sons, so our daughters won’t need a #MeToo Movement when they grow up?Illustration by Terri AsherThanks for joining us. In addition to my Substack video posts, there are also 250 episodes of my audio podcast, Peter Alsop’s ‘Songs To Chew’, available on Substack. Each episode covers one of my songs, or a portion of one of my kid’s albums, and we explore the very human ideas that generated the songs. We discuss how parents, teachers, doctors, nurses, therapists and counselors use my songs with their students and clients. Some are humorous. Some help folks look at the emotions that drive our behaviors. We unravel how music and the arts can create a safe place for clients and family members to talk, and be more clear about what’s going on around us. These songs help us find better ways to process what’s happening in our lives, so we can make the changes we need to make. Peter Alsop’s ‘Songs To Chew’ Audio Podcasts All AlbumsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but if you don’t want to signup as a member, you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. That’ll work! I’d love to hear from you! You can join and subscribe for free, but you don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Have you ever laughed, cried or sung-along with one of my songs? If so, I’m guessing you’ll like this full length feature video of my new play-concert “Ebenezer’s Make Over”!It’s about a modern-day Ebenezer Scrooge who is visited by three spirits in the night. They shake him awake with passionate and humorous songs written by Holly Near, Geof Morgan, Charlie Murphy, myself and other cultural workers from the feminist men’s and women’s movements. Scrooge learns what will happen to him and the rest of us if we don’t change our sexist behaviors! You can watch the whole show here on Substack. Here’s what a couple of our audience members said right after they saw the play.“Wow! Peter’s “Ebenezer’s Make Over” was truly brilliant, moving, creative and effective. It represented the best of what the Theatricum offers, powerful social impact, education, wisdom and fun!!”“You have to take this show on the road immediately! Everyone in the country needs to see this NOW!!”The entire show is on the video I’ve uploaded. So find a friend or two, and something to sip and eat. Turn off your phone. Sit back and enjoy!I know that Substack is loaded with folks who like to read, … so for this particular post, I was going to print the song lyrics for every one of these songs, … and then I realized that I’ve already captioned the entire video! So you can read to your heart’s content, while you are actually watching the show! Now all you need is some company and some pop corn! Bon Appétit!(Remember you can enlarge the image to ‘Full Screen’ once you’ve started the show!)Oh! One more thing, … on Thursday morning July 17th, the National Organization of Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) will showcase this video at their National Conference in San Antonio Texas. Allen Corben, co-chair of NOMAS will open the session as a Zoom meeting, making it available to anyone in the world who would like to watch the video with us and hopefully participate in a :20 minute talk-back discussion at the end. The Zoom Session starts at 8:45a -10:15a = Western time (Mountain=9:45-11:15a) (Central=10:45-12:15p) (Eastern=11:45-1:15p). Here's the link to Allen Corben's Zoom Room:https://us02web.zoom.us/j/7918832439Click on ‘Launch Meeting’, and you’ll be admitted to the ‘waiting room’. Allen opens it five minutes before the session begins. I’ll be on the Zoom call to say “Hello!” and speak with people to answer questions. Anyone can log into this Zoom meeting. Watch “Ebenezer's Make Over” on your own computer during the session. Please text, call or write me (peter@peteralsop.com) with any questions or other ideas.Thanks!! And I want you to know that you will never have to pay as one of my subscribers. I do greatly appreciate that some old friends have paid something into my Substack fund, and it helps defray the studio costs I incur putting these video projects together. That’s it for this post! Enjoy!Bye for now, PeterAll albumsPeter’s ‘Songs To Chew’ Audio PodcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Here’s an anthem I wrote from one of the Twelve-Step sayings. We sang this on the main stage with the audience at the 1986 Philadelphia Folk Festival, along with my friends Kim and Reggie Harris. Join us!WHEN ONE IS TOO MANYOne drink, one smoke, one snort of coke A-DA sugar slip, hey, a mainline trip A-E-E7Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? A-DMy friend, I know you know what’s required! A-E-E7Cho: When one is too many, and a thousand ain’t enough, A-DYou cannot do any, hey, you got to get tough! A-E7When one is too many, and a thousand ain’t enough, A-DYou cannot do any, hey, you got to get tough! A-E7-A, E7I used to love to go get tightWith all my friends, we could laugh all night,But we take too much, and before too longWe start to fighting, man, you know something’s wrong!ChorusWe love too much, we try to please,But sometimes life brings us to our kneesSo we hide the hurt, the way we knowWe got to learn some other way to go!ChorusSo take a cold shower, (brrr!!) make you do a little dance!Call a friend who knows you and give yourself a chanceOr you could grab your partner, go hop in the sackYeah, make crazy love and bounce that monkey off your back!Chorus (3x)Yes, you got to get tough! Yes, you got too, you get tough!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1984, Moose School Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and Songs On Recovery & Addiction www.peteralsop.comIt’s so very ‘human’ of us, when we feel pain, to try to find something to make the pain stop. Many of us choose to use medicators like food, alcohol or other drugs. Others choose to medicate using work or exercise or care-taking other people’s lives, rather than deal with our own painful feelings. And some of us find and follow a ‘savior’, … someone who promises us they will care for us so we won’t have to do the hard work of exploring where our pain comes from.There’s nothing wrong with eating food or working or caring for others, … it’s only when we do these things obsessively and compulsively to avoid our own painful feelings, that our ‘little flag’ pops up to let us know that we’ve become addicted to our medicator. There is something very wrong when we become addicted to a ‘savior’ who lies to us about ‘helping us’.Many of us struggle today with painful fear, anger and sadness about losing our democracies at home and around the world. I applaud all of us, who have struggled to deal with addiction, and I hope that working our Twelve-Step programs have provided us with tools to non-violently remove any ‘saviors’ we might have relied on in the past. Sometimes, ‘one’ is definitely ‘too many’!When I describe other people, I try to avoid using labels. Labels are ‘nouns’ that ‘slot’ us and separate us into specific closed categories. We’re told that we’re an ‘immigrant’ or a ‘patriot’ or we’re ‘good’ or ‘bad’. If we accept those limiting definitions of ourselves, then we fall right back into a binary-brain, either-or view of the world, which will only allow simple either-or solutions, when much more nuanced thinking and options are required.I prefer to use ‘verbs’ because they describe ‘what we do’, and we can change ‘what we do’! Verbs give us clear markers for where we can actually make those changes. They focus on our actions and behaviors, and provide us with ways to proceed when we feel ‘stuck’. They help us find our balance.In 12-Step programs we talk about ‘hitting a bottom’. That happens when we grow ‘sick and tired, of feeling sick and tired’. We finally become willing to deal with our addictions, and we look for other healthier ways to live our lives. We learn to rely on community support when we begin to fall back on our old behavior patterns and medicators and notice when we feel helpless and powerless to change.Recovery really is a process. It’s something we learn to do one step at a time. We pay attention to our ‘verbs’, learn our lessons and work our program in order to recover, get back into balance, and live a better, more caring, healthier life, personally, with our families, friends, and neighbors, our organizations and countries and our larger world human society. All albums Peter’s ‘Songs To Chew’ Audio PodcastsThanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. I’d love to hear from you! Please Re-stack, like or ask questions. Let me know what actions you are taking!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
WHEN JESUS WAS A KIDIt’s Christmas time again DAnd the mall is really weird.Everyone gets stressed outChristmas shopping every year. D-A7I have to stop and wonder,Looking at my Christmas listWhen Jesus was a kid,Would He be doing this? A7-DI know He was a baby,But did He ever cry?Did Jesus wet His diapers,Or were they always dry?Did He use a bottleBefore He used a cup?Did Jesus throw things on the floorFor Mary to pick up?Did Mary ever spank him? GAhh, does the Bible say? DDid Jesus scream and holler GWhen things didn’t go His way? Em-A7I know He was a baby, DBut I wonder what He didWhen He was about, my age, A7When Jesus was a kid? A7-DDid He have birthday parties?I like to think He mightBut then I have to wonder,Well, like, who did He invite?Were there other kids in bathrobesWho played tag the way we do?Was He bummed out when His birthday giftsSaid “Merry Christmas” too!?Did Jesus put on sunscreen,Or did He wear a floppy hat?Living in a desert, you can sunburn,(snap!) Just like that!And He prob’ly hated eating‘Camel milk with mushy peas’Or can Saviors just get out ofEating gross things when They please?N’He prob’ly hoped His Dad would let HimHave a B-B gunI mean His father Joseph,You know, not the other OneIt’s not like it’s a war toy,Jesus wouldn’t hurt a flea.And He’d never point at anyone,He’d be as safe as me!And if His mother found it,She wouldn’t make a sceneShe’d NEVER hide it in the attic,No, she was NOT that mean!He wanted “Peace On Earth”And “Good Will” to kidsI mean He was a kid Himself,So I’m sure He really didWe fight wars and we spill oil.We mess up the sand.I bet a kid like JesusProb’ly wouldn’t understandHe’d see us Christmas shoppersTrying hard to close our eyesTo the homeless people sleepingNear expensive stuff we buyI might be wrong,But I’m a kid too, so I might be rightIf we asked that kid Jesus,“Is all this stuff all right?Can we buy Christmas spiritIf we spend lots of dough?”Well I think that kid Jesus,Would just say “No!”Christmas isn’t about shopping,It’s about the way we careIt’s thinking “What would that kid JesusDo if He was here?”So if some kid you know,Messes up something they did,Remember, Jesus was a human too,When He was a kidActing like a kid at Christmas,Should not be a sinSo remember when we do it,We’re only acting just like Him!So this Christmas, let’s just BE NICETo each other, don’t you see?When Jesus was a kid,He was a lot like you and me!When Jesus was a kid,He needed love like you and me!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1991, Moose School Music (BMI)Illustration by Bill Buerge. Check it out on Bandcamp!The idea for this song came to me in the late ‘80s driving to San Diego to train school teachers how to use music to help kids with drug and child abuse prevention. I’d just finished a song for kids about how we can set healthy boundaries and how to just say ‘No!’, when something doesn't feel safe, or when it feels like someone is lying to us or trying to manipulate us.I happened to tune in on a conservative Christian talk show. The host was making some pretty mean-spirited comments telling us that we are all sinners. He said pretty soon Jesus was coming back again from where-ever He’d gone, … and He was really upset with us sinners! The host asked us to pray and send money to his station. He was going to count to three, and the he wanted us all together to say “Yes!” at the same time!And right at that minute I thought “If Jesus came back right now, … I’m sure He would ‘Just Say NO!’ to you! He’d set a big healthy boundary about all the shame and guilt stuff you’re handing out to everyone!”I majored in ‘Religion’ at Trinity College in Connecticut, because the world has a wide assortment of people with powerful beliefs about their religions, and I love hearing about all of them.This radio host got me thinking about what thoughts Jesus would have had about all this stuff we do every year, when he was just a kid. Maybe if we pay closer attention the kids in our lives today, ‘listen’ to them more closely instead of telling them what we think they ‘should’ do.We might rediscover our sense of holiness that seems to be missing. Being alive together here on this planet, we get occasional glimpses of our very special sacredness. Where does that awareness go? Can we simply make an effort to work harder on caring about and loving each other? Will that make it come back? Can we simply make a conscious effort to open our own hearts, whenever we hug a loved one or when we see beauty around us or in others? I hear the songs from the people of the world, full of joy and sadness, fear and anger, and their feelings touch me with their music. How about you? I’d love to hear how you feel and what you think about this.And ‘Yes’, … if we open our hearts, we become vulnerable, but when we do, we also make room to feel love that can guide us through the challenges we will meet as we face this new, exciting year ahead of us.Now we’re here.Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
When my buddy Utah Phillips recorded my song, ‘It’s Only A Wee-Wee, So What’s The Big Deal?’, he introduced it by saying,“Now here’s my idea of a kids’ song folks! Full bore, overhead cam, spoke wire-wheels, no holds barred damn kids’ song! None of that ‘knicky-knacky-nu’ stuff we were stuck with when we were kids. When’s the last time you actually said ‘wee-wee’ in public? ‘It’s only a wee-wee, so what’s the big deal? It’s only a wee-wee so what’s all the fuss? It’s only a wee-wee and everyone’s got one, there’s better things to discuss!”It’s a fun song I wrote in 1981 designed to open up safe discussions about how our binary gender-roles assign many attributes to boys and men that also described girls and women, … and visa-versa. Females can be strong and heroic. Males can be gentle and caring. Let’s just act like ourselves!Illustration by Terri AsherThat was almost 50 years ago! Nowadays we’re aware of a slew of other factors we need to consider as we discover ‘who’ we are with regard to our sexual identity, orientation, biological, physical, emotional, hormonal, and genetic make-up! There are so many different factors now in the wide spectrum of information we have to consider, that it’s no longer possible to make a simple binary choice of a label that fits us correctly.Our gender identities have been limited to being either male or female for thousands of years, and we carry those gender labels with us, throughout our lives, that were assigned to us solely on the physical appearance of our genitals at birth.Our predominant culture demands that we accept our gender assignment, and when it does not fit with our own experience of ourselves, it takes great courage to push back against the pressure to conform. Some of us have been lucky enough to have family, friends, and other allies who support us in our exploration of this part of our human journey as we grow up, but many have not had that support.If we do speak up, it’s often alone, and we are attacked, abused, and discounted for simply not fitting into one of the two choices we’re given. So here we are singing ‘It’s Only A Wee-Wee’ at a ‘Healing Power of Laughter And Play Conference’ with 1400 hundred human service professionals!I hereby officially reframe my chorus to this song by saying:“Having discussions with other safe, caring people as we grow and explore and discover who we are as sexual human beings is a VERY BIG DEAL! We begin to free ourselves from the constraints of our binary assignments when we sing together about our genitals! Please join us!”IT’S ONLY A WEE-WEE, SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?As soon as you’re born GGrown-ups check where you pee CAnd then they decide D-D7Just how you’re supposed t’be G-(C-G)Girls pink and quiet, GBoys noisy and blue CSeems like a dumb way D-D7To choose what you’ll do G-(C-G)Cho: It’s only a wee-wee GSo what’s the big deal? CIt’s only a wee-wee D-D7So what’s all the fuss? GIt’s only a wee-wee GAnd everyone’s got one CThere’s better D-D7Things to discuss!! G-(C-G)Now girls must use make-upGirls’ names and girls’ clothesAnd boys must use sneakersBut not pantyhose!The grown-ups will teach youThe rules to their dance,And if you get confused,They’ll say “Look in your pants!”ChorusIf I live to be nine,I won’t understandWhy grown-ups are tot’lyObsessed with their glandsIf I touch myself, ...“Don’t you do that!” I’m told,And they treat me likeI might explode!ChorusNow grown-ups watch closelyEach move that we makeBoys must not cry,And girls must make cakeIt’s all very formal,And I think it smellsLet’s all be abnormalAnd act like ourselves!Chorus(extra Adult verse)She walked to the marketPast brave cavaliersShe tried to avoid them,They whistled and jeeredShe gave them the finger,They gave her more noiseSo she stopped and she sangTo those bright ‘little boys’Cho: It’s only a wee-wee,So what’s the big deal?It’s only a wee-wee,So why do you watch?It’s only a wee-wee,And everyone’s got oneThere’s more to lifeThan your crotch!!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1981, Moose School Music (BMI)For more discussion check out Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW audio podcast here on Substack or anywhere you get podcasts!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. www.peteralsop.com Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is YECCH! from my “Wha'D'Ya Wanna Do?" album. I play this song at almost every family concert because almost veryone loves screaming "Yecch!" at the top of their lungs! It's a 'scream-along' so you can join in with us! It's full of make-believe and playfulness, and it's an example of how story and oral tradition grab our attention and engage us. There is an air of danger when we face unknown monsters. When adults laugh with kids at "yecchy" stuff, kids recognize a kindred spirit. They know I'm not going to be a 'judgmental' adult if I'm willing to sing a gross song like this, and they're more likely to listen to what I have to say. "Booger-humor" is as basic and as old as the pun and poop jokes! The fun comes from watching 'normal' adults get 'grossed out' by mentioning snot or slime! It's got elements of rebellion in it that appeal to those of us who doesn't always accept the family rules about 'being polite'. We can be "gross" in defiance of the socially accepted norms and still not get in any trouble. Kids often find themselves in overwhelming or abrasive social interactions, and they actually 'need' to embrace fantasy as a way of checking out from the usual 'family zoo' energy. I’m Peter Alsop. I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now! ~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is LET'S FACE IT! from my “In The Hospital" album. It addresses facial disfigurement, and all the unsettling emotions that we go through when we feel that we're different than others around us. It's difficult emotionally, whether we're an adult or a child, to figure out how we're going to behave when others stare at us and feel uncomfortable. We have to cope with our own feelings of being left out and rejected. Maintaining a healthy, positive self-image is a lifelong process for all of us. Children born with physical "differences", or who become physically "different" are particularly vulnerable to the reactions of others. These reactions strongly influence how we feel about ourselves. We need all the support we can get, so that we don't accept a negative self-image of ourself. And this happens with our skin color too. Nowadays black kids, and tan, yellow and white kids with freckles all get treated together in hospitals, and it wasn't always that way! People's attitudes and behaviors change slowly, but they do change!~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is INSPECTION. I wrote it with Penny Pefley, one of the pediatric nurses who helped us make our “In The Hospital"album. My buddy Bill Harley and I 'rap' this one. Our personal privacy is challenged regularly in a hospital by doctors, nurses and assistants who want to make sure we're okay. They even wake us up at night to make sure we're sleeping soundly! Today's kids are taught that it's their body and they can say "No!", but this all changes in the hospital. We can feel trapped, helpless, and angry as stranger after stranger invades our privacy. We want to honor a child's sense of self-worth by answering their questions and making safe space for their feelings to surface. They have a right to know what's happening to them. Some hospitals have child-life staff who support children when parents can't be there, to be sure the child receives age-appropriate explanations for things that are done. We never, ever tease, but enjoying a good laugh decreases stress and helps us get beyond some tough situations. Being in a hospital becomes easier if we remember we're all going through this together in the hope of returning to good health. I’m Peter Alsop. I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now!~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is JUICE, from my “Stayin Over" album. It's an uncomplicated song, about the complicated concepts of 'love' and 'energy'. When we feel we’re not loved, we feel empty, and we search for any kind of 'juice' to fill us up, like booze, sex, drugs, money, food or approval from others. But when we’re actually filled up with 'love', we don't have to go on that search. We can pass on that love and energy we have to others. We learn to love others from being loved. Children act morally when they understand feelings, it's not just about 'following rules'. The best way to teach kids about feelings, is to be open about our own feelings with them. As they gain the ability to "feel" for others, they will make decisions about how to behave, based on their own feelings and understanding of what's going on. Our caring behaviors come from treating others, as we would like them to treat us. (Sound familiar?). When we have "juice", we pass that "juice " along! I’m Peter Alsop. Sure would appreciate you telling others about this podcast, and I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now!~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today we'll 'Chew' on the title song from my STAYIN' OVER album. Do you remember the first night you went to 'stay over' at a friend's house? Maybe it was a camping trip with other families. These adventures are loaded with memories and lessons we learned from our social interactions with others. It's a big step in independence for most kids. When we do it, we face separation from our own bed, blanket, our teddy bear, and from our parents. Some kids are nervous about wetting our bed, or getting teased because we're afraid of the dark. It's important to let kids know they can make their own decisions about sleeping overnight at a friend's house. Slumber parties allow kids to take part in the creation of the "group stories" that become a part of our childhood. We learn about friendship by spending time and sharing feelings and adventures with our friends. And having fun is great health care! I’m Peter Alsop. I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now!~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is WIGGLE. It's a song about freedom! We all “wiggle” when someone won’t let us do what we want to do. 'Being alive!" means that in one form or another, we just need to "wiggle"! Some of us wiggle emotionally because we don't want to be 'pinned down'. Some wiggle physically because we'll jump out of our skin if we can't get down and run around and chase the kitty cat! And some of us do "ethical wiggling". Politicians do it; business people, religious people too! Legislatures make laws to eliminate as much 'wiggle-room' as they can, because when there's a lot of 'wiggle-room', there's room for mis-understandings and prevarications. It allows 'wigglers' to "speak or act in an evasive way." It's instructional for us grown-ups to remember what it's like being in 'kid shoes' once in a while. This song is to remind us that, rather than get upset with a wiggly kid, we can practice having patience. When we allow them some 'wiggle-room', we remember how important it is for us, and for those little 'inner kids' inside the big grown-ups around us. I’m Peter Alsop. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now!~ Listen & subscribe to my Songs To Chew = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = be one of my patrons and support my music!~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs or downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew' is THE PRIZE from my “Did You Walk?" album. It's song lyrics without any music, so actually, it's a poem. We're constantly being taught that it's important to 'come in first', to 'win the game', to 'win the race!' Some of us do it to get approval from others. Some think we have to do it so we can become financially independent and better able to care for ourselves and our loved ones. To have a kinder, more sustainable way of surviving on earth, we need to learn how to be inter-dependent with one another. That means we share resources and build awareness about our wastefulness. It means that we help each other and share space and time together. There are better ways to have fun, than playing a game where there's only one 'winner' and everyone else is a loser. If we want to learn how to live a balanced life, we need to pay attention to how we feel as we go through our interactions with each other. I’m Peter Alsop. I’ll be back with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now!~ Listen and subscribe to my Songs To Chew podcast = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = support my music & other artistic endeavors~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs & downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe
Today's 'Song To Chew', SANDWICHES, was written by Bob King. One of the subjects that kids love to sing about is food!! We'll 'chew on' ideas about kids and food and the interconnectedness of all the human things we do in our lives. There's 'enjoyment' and 'sharing'. There's 'mooching', which is trying to get something that someone else has, but not wanting to 'share' what we have. 'Mooching' is like a 'one way street' where everything on the road is coming in our direction, and real 'sharing' is like a two-way street where traffic goes in both directions. We find 'anger', 'resentment', and 'bartering' in this song too, and we explore 'expectations' and 'boundary setting'. Little songs like this can be powerful 'teaching tools' that can create great "A-ha!" moments of clarity for us. We have to we pay attention and be willing to 'tease it out' and 'chew on it' in order to benefit from these little bits of wisdom. I’m Peter Alsop. I’ll be back soon with another ‘Song to Chew’. Bye for now! ~ Listen & subscribe to my Songs To Chew = anywhere you get podcasts, orhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peter-alsop-s-songs-to-chew/id1446179156~ CAMPING WITH DADS = https://www.amazon.com/Camping-Dads-Peter-Alsop/dp/B08CS871QW/ref=sr_1_1~ www.FaceBook.com/WeLikePeterAlsop~ www.Youtube.com/peteralsop = videos~ www.Patreon.com/peteralsop = be one of my patrons and support my music!~ www.peteralsop.com/music = CDs or downloads Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe