Raised Wrong

<p>Best friends/old millennials Jessica & Jeanne discuss their problems, your problems, and consistently problematic advice from early 2000's Cosmopolitan magazines. ⁣⁣(Theme music by: ⁣Westbow ⁣https://westbowmusic.bandcamp.com ⁣& ⁣Juracan ⁣https://juracanpdx.bandcamp.com)</p>

Disney Dumping

First, an important update about the way we podcast! Then, Jessica does a deep dive into the uproar about Disney changing their Disability Access Service (and the Disney adults who are screaming and shaking and shitting about it). Other topics discussed include HBO’s Julia, audiobooks (Irish), aging gracefully like Isabella Rossellini, Prison Brides, and more. Plus, a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us 5 “stealth new signs that he’s cheating.” God help us. And finally, the hardest FMK ...

04-25
01:04:35

Everything I've Ever Accomplished in Life is From Spite

A lot of questions are answered in this episode: "Why do we exercise? Why do we drink? Would we be good gay dads? WHO IS EATING THE SUN???" And the one question that's on everyone's mind..."How many calories does holding a drink for 20 minutes burn?" Other topics discussed include Everyone Gets Divorced, nachos, getting blasted by lasers, Raized Wrong Productions, UTIs, Trans Easter, and 'art.' Plus an October 2010 Cosmo gives us the "ability" to burn an extra 305 calories a week. And f...

04-11
01:09:28

Mommy is Scary w/ Jessica Rowland

Stepmother of the pod Jessica is back and she's got some gripes! Topics discussed include the phonetic alphabet, Venmo transactions, ghost kitchens, amphetamines, dipping sauces, cyber trucks, embryos, women's sports, and so much more. Plus, a 2009 Cosmopolitan magazine unlocks the secrets to getting hit on "all the time" and they are...not what you'd expect. And finally, in honor of Jeanne's 40th birthday, a very special/disgusting 1984-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.15:22 - Giving people...

03-28
01:47:38

I Used To Be Young! w/ Emily Taormina

Long-time patriot and Type-A friend Emily Taormina joins Jeanne on the pod this week! Topics discussed include the millennial lol, cutting onions, Crocs, botox alternatives, woes of the Pacific Northwest, Swedish candy, Jude Law, milk, and so much more. An October 2005 Cosmo article about giving your man attention so he doesn't cheat on you causes us to question what the meaning of the word "pamper" is. And finally, the three most popular Girl Scout Cookies get f**ked, married, and kill...

03-14
01:24:42

Why Give Women Names? w/ Julia Vickerman

Jeanne and special guest Julia Vickerman (artist/writer/lover/director) get to know one another and trauma bond over the horror that is a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine. Topics discussed include foster dogs, tattoos, mewing, turning 40, movies where the ocean is the villain, dog dentists, cat eating disorders, Love Island UK All Stars, MGMT’s new album, orca whales, the great (imaginary) ketchup wars, and so much more! A Cosmo article entitled "What He Really Says About You To His Friends" ...

02-29
01:27:57

Cosmo Mini: Sexy Honeymoon Surprises

A June 2003 wedding issue of Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some "naughty newlywed tips to keep your guy guessing" and we are legally obligated to discourage you from trying them out.

02-06
10:59

I Saw Mommy Drop Kicking Santa Claus w/ Ava Williams

Your friendly neighborhood Ava (Williams) is back and we've got ! Topics include orange foods, cyber bullying (light), audiobooks and the Libby app, wool (give it a shot), Baldur's Gate, gift guides, pervy male authors, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us tips and tricks for not killing the snowboarding boyfriend we apparently hate because that would ruin Christmas or Hannukah! And finally we F**k, Marry, & Kill 3 mainstays of holiday decorations. Cauti...

12-22
01:37:53

Eating Ribs With Your Fingers Over Candlelight w/ Jessica Rowland

Oops! All Internet Dumbs! Jessica’s back after a 5-month hiatus and we talk about very current events like the Titan submersible implosion, the death of Sean Connery, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and Gary Larson’s The Far Side. Other topics include CAPTCHA, Bing.com, more Bing.com, going to the dentist, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan's "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" will have you eating giant paninis and boning at your friend's house next...

11-06
01:18:47

Who Killed Mr. Rogers? w/ Ava Williams

Let's give a warm Raised Wrong welcome to special guest/artist/neighbor/friend/copywriter Ava Williams! Topics include advertising, Jeanne’s 3rd grade music teacher, an update on walking, Bob Odenkirk, coffee (is it bad?), pepperoncinis (is that how you say it?), peanut butter and the state of journalism, being a jock, nausea (is it worse than itchy??), and more. Plus, we discuss "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" from a 2008 Cosmopolitan magazine and...wow. And finally a clever little ...

09-19
01:34:59

She Said, She Shed, He Wants to Get Naked (w/ Emily Towers)

Topics include she sheds, strike life, Free Solo, Brittany Murphy, the Lawrence brothers (woah!), the Property Brothers, Tom Cruise, and a *BIG* update to the "Jeanne walks" saga. Plus, we learn(?) a lot about decoding men's facial expressions from a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, and we do an impromptu deep-dive into a former Cosmopolitan features editor. (We support you, Beth!) And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill present-day Joey, Matthew, & Andy Lawrence. Main Stories 00:11:40 - Up...

08-28
01:46:43

Young Ladies of a Certain Age w/ Emily Towers

The writers may be striking but that won't stop them for podcasting! This month, Jeanne and special guest/dear friend/former roommate Emily Towers go deep on topics including dentistry/orthodontia, biking to work, wearing eyeglasses, raising confident girls, Kevin Costner, and so much more. Plus, we find the advice to guys in a 20-year-old Cosmo to be almost passable! And finally, we f**k/marry/kill the most old-millennial trio from TGIF: the dads of Full House. BTW, visit www.raisedwron...

07-28
01:21:20

"IS SHE OKAY???" w/ Jessica Rowland

You're in for a treat because *this* podcast is hosted by two, yes, TWO, dumb bitches. Topics include where have you been, being a slut for running, divorce (ever heard of it?), "the Curious Case of Natalia Grace" (*SPOILERS*), Aunt Jemima (RIP), the newly autistic Sia, and so much more. Plus, a less-than-a-decade-old Cosmopolitan magazine tries and fails to teach us the art of "sexting." And finally, we play a carnival-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. **If you must k...

06-30
01:39:08

Maxin' It Out in the Sack w/ Paul Bonanno

Topics include “in this house” signs, the song Bette Davis Eyes, the new Dune trailer, the Great North, cats (good & bad), Marjorie Taylor Green, ”digital only fashion”, and some real talk about the Handmaid’s Tale (tv). Plus, a 2006 Cosmo tells us ladies to stop nagging and let our guys be “quirky.” And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three famous “Roses”…in honor of our mothers.*This episode is dedicated to Arnold the cat (and not Danny).

05-30
01:25:29

Squishmallows & Satan w/ Paul Bonanno

Happy Women's History Month, St. Patrick's Day, & April Fools Day! Don't freak out, but Jeanne and a very special guest host (Paul Bonanno) had a very important conversation about ex-satanic wizards. Topics include bowling, Squishmallows, Catholicism, periodontal surgery, and a whole lot of satanic wizardry. Plus, for better or worse (it's worse), a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us some "Surprising Signs He's INTO You." And finally, a special F**k/Marry/Kill with the three most famous ...

04-03
01:26:05

Greta Thunberg Claps Back

Topics include holiday air travel, a number of Britneys, Andrew Tate, Pete Davidson, the movie Bad Santa, ex-houses, American Girl dolls, and getting a friends fired from their job…out of love. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us what could very loosely be described as “advice” for getting your man to RACE home to you at night. And finally, we play our funniest and most controversial game of F**k/Marry/Kill. And the answers? Will shock you.

01-11
01:45:05

"Keanu Reeves still walks among us..."

Topics include holiday movies, Kathy Bates, Elon Musk (again), free speech, exciting Raised Wrong Pod news, TikTok surgeons, terrible parents & tiny baby instagram influencers, the imaginary Matthew Perry/Keanu Reeves feud, some strong feelings about Marvel movies, and lots of gift giving wisdom. Plus, we travel back in time to December 2005 for Cosmopolitan magazine’s guide to unwrapping the meaning behind HIS gift. And finally we f**k, we marry, and we kill 3 festive activities and the ...

12-16
01:26:43

Elon Musk and the Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day on Twitter

We're back!! Topics include grocery shopping on Thanksgiving Eve, Elon Musk & the Twitter Blue debacle, French, a very deep dive into Replika (a sex-geared AI chatbot), Jeanne’s favorite (so far) episode of Law & Order SVU (Season 11 SPOILERS), Saturday morning Cycle Bar, passive aggressive emojis, Patriot Mobile, and some real advice about spending holidays with the racist in-laws. PLUS, a Dec. 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine advises us on “How to Handle His Flare-Ups." And finally we F*k...

11-30
01:46:55

Pearl Parties & Beach Bodies

This is a very special episode in which Jeanne & Jessica record from the SAME closet and oh what fun they had! Many wonderful topics were discussed including ESPIONage, child doctors, pregnant frogs, canned bread, Mussolini, pronouns, and more. And if you’re a little freak for ASMR, you’re in for a treat. Warning: this episode but may not be suitable for listeners who are involved in multi-level marketing.

08-25
53:09

Soy Boy Cuck Chris Hemsworth Shuns Meat

Topics include COVID-19 (ever heard of it?), allergies, outer space, Elon Musk, anosmia, Roe v. Wade (kind of), the prison wives of TikTok, HBO Max, public libraries, math, high heels & average-sized men, and Chris Hemsworth's meat sandwich. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo prepares you for when your boyfriend drops a BOMBSHELL. And finally, we honor three cliche tattoos by playing F**k/Marry/Kill with them.This episode is dedicated to Paulie Walnuts aka Tony Sirico.

08-10
01:16:17

Feels Bad Feels Dirty Feels Upsetting!

Topics include feet pics, animal bullies, targeted ads, Billy Joel, rating hotness on a curve, fictional nurses, fireworks, and the Supreme Court. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo provides confusing advice about keeping your autonomy, even in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about carburetors. And finally, we play a truly disgusting edition of F**k/Marry/Kill with the 3 worst Supreme Court Justices.

07-18
01:23:03

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