Recovery Daily Podcast

Being honest about how I feel is tricky when sometimes I don’t even know. My depression, anxiety, and old patterns of thinking can be deceiving, convincing me that nothing is wrong when I’m actually really struggling. It reminds me of alcoholism itself. The very disease that was killing me was also the disease keeping me from seeing I was sick. Sometimes I’m ignoring something on purpose, but often I’m avoiding or postponing without even realizing it. I’ve noticed that sometimes I’m white-knuckle my own fists, not gripping anything at all. It’s like clenching my jaw with TMJ. When I notice it and unclench, that’s surrender. I’m letting go. Recovery works the same way. Every time I loosen my grip and admit my true feelings, I’m surrendering. Only then can I see what’s happening inside me and take action to respond. Honesty is a minute-by-minute practice of opening my hands, unclenching my jaw, and letting go of what was never mine to control.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #StrokeRecovery #AlcoholismRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #HonestyAndHealing #LettingGo #SurrenderToWin #DepressionAndAnxiety #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic

This morning I was reminded of the vicious cycle of my alcoholism. I’d wake after just a few hours of being passed out, trembling, sweating, and panicked. I would reach for the leftover tepid glass of wine on my nightstand to calm down and get me back to zero, as I’ve heard fellow alcoholics say. I was caught in a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I finally reached out for help and someone held on to me, believed in me, and showed me that I could break the cycle. Today, I choose sobriety, over and over again, to live in alignment with my higher power and my program for living. In the beginning, sobriety felt impossible, foreign, and overwhelming. I didn’t understand the steps or the language, just like starting out in a new job where everyone else seems to know what’s going on. But in time, through showing up, working with others, and practicing daily, it became familiar and even comfortable. I’ve learned that my spiritual life is making continuous choices, moment by moment, to turn the dial back toward faith, hope, and community. Thankfully this program isn’t something I’ll ever graduate from. It’s a lifelong journey and way of life.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryDailyPodcast #AlcoholRecovery #BreakingTheCycle #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #AAProgram #FaithAndHope #EmotionalSobriety #AddictionRecovery #OneDayAtATime

This morning in a meeting I heard a story that made mention of God delivering messages to us each day, and it’s up to us to look for them. Something about that didn’t resonate with me, so I decided to reflect on it and record an episode. On the surface, it sounds simple, but I insist that it is much more complex. Emotional sobriety means being able to see the world around me as a constant broadcast, like a message already written, and learning how to tune in. That tuning takes daily effort, through walking my dogs in nature (in Boris’ case, it’s just sitting in nature 😂), attending AA meetings, talking to my psychiatrist, and practicing prayer and meditation. Each of these fine-tunes the dial inside me so I can see the message clearly rather than letting my disease hijack the signal.I don’t believe that my higher power is a postman dropping off new messages every day. Instead, the universe is already speaking all around me, all the time. It’s my decision to receive it. Sometimes, like when I saw that bucket of empty bottles, my first reaction was driven by depression and alcoholism, not sobriety. After 24 hours of inner resolution, I saw it differently. It became a gift and reminder of what I’ve been freed from. I make daily (even hourly) choices to turn the dial back toward hope, connection, and gratitude. I’m not waiting for God to deliver messages; I’m choosing to remove the obstacles caused by my invisible illnesses that block me from hearing what’s already around me. My sobriety is a gift, and connection helps me to keep tuning in.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #AlcoholRecovery #StrokeSurvivor #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #GratitudePractice #DailyRecovery #AACommunity #MentalHealthAndRecovery

“I only have today” is traditionally spoken in my morning sobriety meeting in memory of a man who was passionate about reminding us to stay in the moment. The phrase narrows the battlefield to what’s in front of me rather than future tripping. When my head starts spinning with what-ifs or my body protests when I’m trying to push to hard, the phrase pulls me back from borrowing tomorrow’s courage and energy and using it all up before I get there. It turns overwhelm into manageable work. Living by “I only have today” strips drama from my recovery. It frees me from heroic plans and the illusion I must do and fix everything today. Instead, I can sustain momentum with small, repeatable actions, trusting that consistency compounds. Today’s small choices are the currency of real change. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #IOnlyHaveToday #OneDayAtATime #Sobriety #StrokeRecovery #RecoveryTools #MindfulRecovery #YoureOKRightNow #TinyActionsBigChange #GratitudePractice #RelapsePrevention

When I was little, visits away from home felt unbearably empty. That same hollow loneliness still shows up now in hotel rooms or when I’m away from home. Yesterday it crept in again while settling in to an airbnb. BONUS: The previous inhabitant left a bucket of empty beer and tequila bottles out back, and for a hot second my brain whispered, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” But I caught it and answered back, “no.” I felt the fatigue, nausea, sharp pains in my head, and the obsessive cheerleader on my shoulder egging me into sadness. After doing the work for nine years, I recognized the empties as a spiritual test and leaned into my sobriety toolkit.So, I used my podcast today to talk through the loneliness and remember the practical things that can help me during this time. I looked at the anatomy of a relapse and where it can start. Loneliness is a real thing. It can be a scary thing, and it can be the first step of a relapse if not acknowledged and addressed immediately. Among many other actions in my toolbox, my podcast made me name the feelings out loud and admit that I know what to do. The simple act of sharing my feelings saves me over and over again.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #Loneliness #Sobriety #RelapsePrevention #RecoveryToolkit #MentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #PodcastTherapy #YoureOKRightNow #SpiritualTest #StayConnected

This move has been a humbling reminder that my body doesn’t keep pace with my intentions anymore. I’m still plugging away but absolutely spent. I’ve simply run out of steam and know it will take weeks to recover from this system overload. Acceptance has been slow work in stroke recovery. Mentally, I want to be the same person I was, physically I can’t, and learning to live inside that reality has taken practice. Sobriety teaches me to live in tiny increments. One day at a time, one minute, one step, and sometimes just one deep breath are what turned my gray, chaotic world into color. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still totally insane sometimes, but I’m far more self-aware of how my obsessive thinking can pull me under. The 12 Steps and practicing habits keep me treading through the fear instead of drowning in it.I look out for the red flags, like obsessive thinking, romanticizing the drink, and isolation, and the actions that help me stay clear of that wave of insanity. Log on to a meeting, call my sponsor, do my nightly inventory, use the God box, or even just take a breath and then take action. These are the guardrails on my daily path that help to rewire my reactions to fear and keep me out of the ditch.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #StrokeRecovery #Sobriety #OneDayAtATime #MentalWellness #NeuroRecovery #SmallStepsBigChange #12Steps #YoureOKRightNow #SelfCare #RecoveryTools

Thankfully I can’t see the whole road ahead of me or else I’d miss the lessons. With all the packing I’ve been reminded me how little stamina I have since my stroke. This is a lesson keep having to learn the hard way as I continuously push myself too far. I like to say I learn everything the hard way. I used to just jump in the drivers seat blind folded (and drunk) and run off the road of life feeling that I was destined to crash and burn.But my sobriety program taught me how to focus on this very inch of road I’m on. I take my life one day at a time, but nine years ago I had to start living one step at a time, one minute at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. I couldn’t handle more than that. And these tiny increments added up to an entirely new way of living. To this day when fear sets in, I revert back to telling myself “you’re OK right now” and do the next right thing, whether its putting on my shoes (so I can walk Autumn), picking up that heavy phone (so I can call someone I love), or taking a deep breath (so I can echo “you’re OK right now.”) Micro-actions break the loop of fear between my ears. Small, steady, repeatable steps have redirected my life.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryJourney #LifeAfterStroke #Sobriety #OneStepAtATime #MicroActions #MentalWellness #HealingHabits #YoureOKRightNow #Resilience #SmallStepsBigChange

For years I white-knuckled life, thinking I was steering everything myself. A simple practice called a God box changed my ability to let go. A woman in my fellowship gave me a little wooden box with tiny paper and a tiny pen. She said when I couldn’t let something go, write it down, put it in the box, and close the lid. The sound of that lid shutting became a signal of release. This practice was a physical representation of accepting I couldn’t control other people or outcomes. Over time this loosened my grip on the anxiety and stress that used to consume me.Letting go came easier after first grabbing hold of the program, meetings, people, and suggestions. Coming to believe has been a series of choices that required willingness and openness. I could no longer pick and choose the suggestions to follow from others in recovery. I am beginning to fold faith into my life like chocolate chips are folded into cookie dough. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryJourney #Sobriety #LettingGo #GodBox #SpiritualGrowth #AddictionRecovery #MentalWellness #FaithInAction #HealingPractices #ComingToBelieve

Packing up the house the past couple weeks for our big move has given me the chance to notice how much my life has changed in the past ten years. Between alcoholism and a stroke, the last decade could’ve killed me…TWICE. Sobriety, as my portable refuge, and prayer, as a quiet presence, have steadied my mental wellness and rewritten how I live. I’m grateful for the people who’ve helped me pack, and even more grateful for the people who’ve helped me piece myself together again.If you or someone you love is struggling, know there are no shortcuts to the work. Growth comes through hard, honest steps. Compassion grows as we recognize the fight in each other, and we share about it. I wish this program for living was taught in school. It could’ve saved me years of pain. Maybe not though. It took what it took to get here, and I’d do it all again to be exactly where I am. You deserve to be happy, and little by little, the life you think is impossible can become the life you’re living.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryJourney #LifeAfterStroke #Sobriety #MentalWellness #HealingOutLoud #PortableRefuge #AddictionRecovery #GratitudePractice #Resilience #KeepShowingUp

When I first started going to AA meetings, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know what “open” vs “closed” meetings meant, I didn’t know what a home group or sponsor was, and I was too afraid to ask. So, I just showed up to as many different meeting locations and times until I found my people. I found career men and women who were parents who talked about their experiences, and it sounded like they were talking about me.Other people’s shares often bring up shameful memories I’ve buried, but when someone else tells a similar story, my secret loses its power over me. Meetings became my church before long, and I learned that going to meetings needed to match the effort I once put into getting a drink.Somehow, I’ve gone from “acting as if” to actually feeling at home in recovery. I asked for a sponsor, found a home group, and let dependence on AA and a Higher Power replace my old self-sufficiency. My sobriety has become a quiet, portable home I carry with me. If you’re new to sobriety, try different rooms until one fits just right, ask someone to sponsor you, and keep showing up until sobriety itself becomes your inner refuge.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryJourney #Sobriety #AACommunity #SoberLiving #FindYourPeople #HomeGroup #SponsorSupport #MeetingHopping #OvercomingShame #SpiritualRecovery

After my stroke, I realized how much I multitasked without even noticing. I’m not talking about cooking dinner chatting on the phone. I mean the stuff we do that is automatic, like reading out loud or pouring water from one hand into another. These simple actions actually require multiple steps working together that I can no longer do automatically.When reading aloud, my eyes track the words, my brain forms meaning, and my mouth speaks the sounds all at once. It’s incredibly complex. What used to flow easily now feels overwhelming, leaving me anxious and embarrassed, with increased pain in my eyes and head. Even pouring water requires focus, as the glass grows heavier, most people automatically grip tighter, but I must make the decision to squeeze my hand. These invisible struggles are isolating because no one else sees the effort behind them. That’s why I wanted to share openly about it today. Talking about the frustration, humiliation, and loss of confidence gives voice to what many stroke survivors silently endure. And in that honesty, we find connection and healing.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #StrokeRecovery #InvisibleDisability #AphasiaAwareness #StrokeSurvivor #LifeAfterStroke #HealingJourney #RecoveryCommunity #InvisibleStruggles #StrokeSupport #FindingStrength

I tend to chase the question “why?” rather than “how do I adapt, accept, and move forward despite?”  Why did I have a stroke? Why am I an alcoholic? Why me? But my recovery program teaches me that the why isn’t mine to solve. The “why” belongs to God. My work is in the “how”. How do I move forward? How do I let go? How do I accept the difficult stuff? When I shift from demanding answers to taking action, I find freedom from denial.Alcohol gave me an illusion of control, offering temporary relief while dry rotting the strings that held me together. Today, I find strength by surrendering to “Thy will, not mine.” Isn’t that weird? I find STRENGTH in SURRENDERING. 🤪I will likely always be chasing the mystery of “why” around every turn in my life, like a Scooby-Doo rerun. But daily maintenance of my spiritual condition lets me uncover the “how” that guides my next step forward.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #RecoveryJourney #StrokeSurvivor #AlcoholismRecovery #FaithInRecovery #LetGoAndLetGod #StrengthInSurrender #SpiritualGrowth #AcceptanceAndAction #OneDayAtATime #FreedomThroughFaith

We all navigate stuff that no one else can see, yet it shapes our behavior, emotions, and connection with each other. Dizziness, fatigue, brain fog, and chronic pain make simple tasks in my life very difficult. And depression, anxiety, and fear make simple interactions challenging. As I learn to pace myself, honor my body’s limits, and rest in stroke recovery, the inner battles rage on. Creativity, prayer, and tools like spoon-and-cup theory help me walk through each day. Progress comes slowly, and as with mental health care, slow progress is still progress, and consistency brings healing over time.Our battles are invisible to one another. We don’t see the hours of recovery exercises, the careful planning it takes just to get through a day, or the cost of pushing too hard. And the same goes with mental health. I can spend hours, days, months, and years in torment and never speak a word of it to another human being. The only one suffering is me. That’s why speaking up matters. When I name the fear or feeling and tell another person, I not only weaken its power over me, but I also create opportunity for us to understand each other. Invisible ≠ insignificant.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #InvisibleIllness #StrokeRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #RecoveryJourney #ChronicPain #BrainFog  #Depression #AnxietyRecovery #SpoonTheory #EmotionalSobriety 

The St. Francis Prayer, otherwise known as the 11th step prayer in AA, focuses on what I can give rather than what I can get. For so long my vision of life was distorted, like living inside a glass jar. I thought I was seeing clearly, but it wasn’t until I stopped drinking and working this program that I could see what the world is like on the other side of the glass. When I am intolerant of others, I remember that everyone has had a lifetime of experiences that have led them to where they are today. I need to focus on loving, understanding, and being of service to find freedom within my own heart.Prayer allows me to express my desires honestly and openly which otherwise I likely wouldn’t tell a soul. In this way, I deepen my connection to those desires which leads to steps toward living them. Prayer is aligning my intentions with my actions and breaking free from the chaos between my ears. It’s how I soften the noise of self-centered thinking and find clarity. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #StFrancisPrayer #11thStep #Step11Prayer #AlcoholicsAnonymous #SobrietyJourney #RecoveryDaily #SpiritualAwakening #FaithInRecovery #SoberLiving #MindfulSobriety #RecoveryTools #EmotionalSobriety

On Friday my stress level peaked, but I’m happy to report I got back up. I had woken up carrying the weight of buying/selling houses, chronic pain, and the devastating news of a loved one’s illness. By the time I sat down to lead in an AA meeting that evening, my emotions detonated. I cried as I spoke about my sobriety, my stroke, my vestibular struggles, and my fear. In that vulnerable moment, words came out of my mouth that I hadn’t spoken with such conviction before, “I can’t do this without AA and without God.”. It was like the ground shifted under me as proof that faith and my sobriety program are the very foundation holding me upright.In that breaking point I proved to myself once again that showing up exactly as I am, broken, afraid, but willing, is all that’s necessary to take a step forward. Life has not slowed down since Friday, and there are still deadlines, stress, and fear. But I know now that even if it feels like walking through quicksand, I eventually come out the other side.Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779 Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org #SobrietyJourney #FaithInRecovery #AlcoholicsAnonymous #OneDayAtATime #SpiritualAwakening #RecoveryTools #SerenityInSobriety #SobrietySupport #LetGoAndLetGod #StrengthInFaith