Relationship Growth: Tools for Communication, Connection, and Long-Term Love

If your relationship feels harder than it should, you might be playing two different games without realizing it. In this episode, I share how mismatched expectations, childhood blueprints, and unspoken needs create friction and how my Me → You → We process helps couples get on the same page. You’ll learn how to rediscover yourself, relearn your partner, and recreate a relationship built on trust, respect, and growth.What You’ll Learn:* Why you and your partner might be playing by different rules* The Me → You → We method for deeper connection* How to move from conflict to collaborationLinks & Resources:* Instagram: @lillyrachels* Free guide: Clear the Air: How to Say What’s Bothering You (Without a Blow-Up) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking a reel I saw recently that really bothered me. It suggested that you should strive not to care if your partner cheats — that detachment will somehow make you more desirable.Here’s the thing: that’s not detachment. That’s avoidance.I get it, protecting yourself can feel safer than risking being hurt again. But building walls to avoid pain doesn’t make you stronger. It just keeps you disconnected. I talk about what real emotional strength looks like, how avoidance masquerades as power, and why vulnerability is the key to healthy love.I also share one of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis that captures this beautifully.If you’ve been hurt before and find yourself pulling away from intimacy to stay “safe,” this episode is for you.📩 Want support?If you’re ready to break down the walls and start creating real, secure connections — DM me the word sessions on Instagram @lillyrachels to learn about working together.Thanks for listening — and as always, I hope you choose growth. 🤍 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Ever felt yourself shut down after a tense moment with your partner, only to realize it wasn’t really about the moment at all?In this episode, I share a personal story of conflict, emotional shutdown, and repair. I walk you through how childhood wounds still echo in adult relationships and what it truly takes to navigate those moments with courage and connection.You’ll hear:* The childhood belief I uncovered that still affects how I receive feedback* What emotional distancing looks like in real time and how to come back from it* My thoughts on AI therapy and why human connection still mattersIf you’ve ever struggled to take feedback, felt “icy” in a relationship, or wondered why the little things hurt so much, this one’s for you.📩 Connect with Me:DM me SESSIONS on Instagram @lillyrachels or email me at lilly@growthovereasy.com if this episode resonated or you're ready for support. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Feeling stuck in your relationship?This episode is for you. I’m sharing what stalemate looks like, how to move through resentment, and why emotional courage (and a little play) might be the reset you need.💌 Connect with me:Email: lilly@growthovereasy.com⬇️ Join me for 31 days of emotional grounding + expressive courage This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this unfiltered episode, I talk through grief, perfectionism, emotional armor, and my Friday night.Recorded from the mountains on the first day of summer — with dogs snoring nearby and tears still fresh — this is me, sharing honestly. About a client I lost. About why I do this work. And about how easy it is to isolate when what we really need is connection.If you’re tired of holding it all together… this one’s for you.💌 Connect with me:Email: lilly@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, I share life updates, including an exciting new venture: Relational Somatics, a company focused on trauma training for practitioners. I also dive into recent reflections on relationships, boundaries, and people-pleasing, discussing how setting boundaries has transformed my personal and professional life.Follow Relational Somatics on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/relationalsomaticsKey Takeaways:* Big Life Update: Relational Somatics is a company offering trauma training for practitioners. Stay tuned for a free masterclass!* Boundaries & Self-Worth: You can have boundaries and still be liked. Setting boundaries isn’t mean—it’s necessary for healthy relationships.* People-Pleasing as Manipulation: People-pleasing often stems from a fear of being disliked, but true connection comes from authenticity, not approval-seeking.* Growth Through Discomfort: Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but it ultimately leads to deeper, healthier connections.»COMING SOON!«THE ENERGETICS OF COMMUNICATIONUnlock Your Voice, Deepen Your Connections, and Transform Your RelationshipsA 5-Module Mini-Course for Those Ready to Speak from Love and Lead with Confidence in Their Relationships📅 Start Date: Releases April 1!⏰ Time: On-demand (Self-paced)📍 Location: Delivered via video and workbook through Stanstore💰 Investment: $279 EARLY BIRD PRICINGLearn more HERE This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relearnrelationships.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the concept that " how you do anything is how you do everything." We examine how our internal patterns influence all areas of life, especially under pressure. I share a personal story of self-reflection, explaining how to identify the root of negative emotions and choose a more intentional experience in relationships and everyday life.Key Takeaways* Core Concept: How you respond to any situation reveals what’s inside you. Under stress or comfort, your true self comes through in all areas of life.* Choosing Your Experience: You can choose how you respond to tasks or situations, even those you don’t enjoy, by focusing on how they benefit your long-term goals.* Growth Through Discomfort: Doing uncomfortable things—whether physical or emotional—can lead to long-term growth and healthier relationships.* Emotional Regulation: Feel the full range of your emotions without letting them control your actions or dictate your behavior.* Relationship Impact: Small frustrations in relationships often reveal deeper unresolved feelings. It’s essential to address these internally rather than acting out.Feel to HealFeeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relearnrelationships.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore how to navigate overwhelming situations that are out of our control. I share three key strategies that help me shift from rumination and frustration to acceptance and peaceGet my FREE guide and meditation FEEL TO HEAL.Key Takeaways:* Prayer – Praying for the person or situation helps shift your energy, release resentment, and bring a sense of peace.* Meditation – Sitting in stillness allows you to process emotions, quiet your mind, and detach from the need for control.* Move Your Body – Physical movement, like walking or yoga, helps release pent-up emotions and bring clarity.Feel to HealFeeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/feeltoheal Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In today’s episode of Relearn Relationships, we discuss breakups and how to reframe the idea of "relationship failure." I share a personal story about my own divorce and the mindset shift that helped me see relationships—not through the lens of longevity but through growth.Key Takeaways:* A relationship doesn’t have to last forever to be successful.* Growth, self-discovery, and lessons learned are markers of a meaningful relationship.* Breakups aren’t a sign of failure—they're an opportunity to reflect, heal, and evolve.* You are the common denominator in your relationships—self-reflection is key to breaking unhealthy patterns.Feel to HealFeeling overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in a loop of overthinking?Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit:* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload.https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/feeltoheal This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relearnrelationships.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Free Guide + 5-Minute Grounding Meditation to Calm AnxietyIn this episode of Relearn Relationships, I share the three practical tools I use to quiet my mind to fully engage with my partner. These techniques have transformed how I show up in my relationships, and they can do the same for you.Key TakeawaysOverthinking and Listening:Overthinking doesn’t mean you’re a bad listener, but it can pull you out of the present moment.Childhood patterns often create overthinking habits—give yourself grace as you learn to break them.The Power of Body Language:Open body posture signals receptiveness to others and also to yourself (e.g., uncrossed arms, palms facing up in your lap).Maintain gentle eye contact to stay focused and help your partner feel heard.Regulating Breath:Slow, deep breaths help ground you and calm an anxious or racing mind.Avoid sighing, which can send the wrong signal to your partner.Summarizing to Clarify:Summarizing and sharing what your partner said to ensure understanding and reduce miscommunication.This method keeps you engaged in the conversation while minimizing assumptions.Download your FREE Feel to Heal Starter Kit HERE* Quick Step-by-Step Guide to help you identify and release intense emotions without running, avoiding, or shutting down.* A soothing 5-minute Grounding Meditation designed to quiet your mind and ease emotional overload. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Why Making Yourself the Problem Makes You the SolutionIn this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the transformative power of personal responsibility. Instead of blaming others for failed relationships, we discusses how identifying yourself as part of the problem opens the door to growth and lasting change. Through introspection, vulnerability, and actionable steps, you can let go of baggage, reclaim your agency, and become the solution to the challenges in your relationships. This heartfelt conversation is packed with personal insights and strategies for creating the love and connection you truly desire.Join for FREE: www.relearnrelationships.comKey Takeaways:Agency Over Your Life: Taking responsibility for your role in a situation gives you the power to change it, unlike blaming external factors, which leaves you feeling stuck.Self-Reflection is Key: Examine your fears and patterns to understand how they impact your relationships. You are the common denominator in all your experiences.Healing is Essential: Childhood trauma or past relationship wounds might not be your fault, but healing them is your responsibility to foster love and connection.Break the Cycle: Unhealed wounds and defensive behaviors can perpetuate unhealthy patterns. Address them to open yourself to a healthy, thriving relationship.Prepare for Love: By shedding fear and letting go of pain, you can become more receptive to deep, meaningful relationships. Don’t carry past hurt into your future.Don't Victimize Yourself: Moving from a victim mindset to a growth-oriented one is the first step toward building the relationships you want. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the painful and confusing experience of wanting to be close to someone but finding yourself unintentionally pushing them away. This dynamic often stems from unhealed emotional wounds and protective patterns. Learn why grounded and healthy relationships can feel confusing and how to address the barriers preventing deep connection.Book a walk-and-talk session:https://buy.stripe.com/3cs01m9CU9sg4CYfZwJoin Relearn Relationships for FREE:https://www.relearnrelationships.com/3 Silent Killers of Relationships Masterclass:https://stan.store/lillyrachelsKey Takeaways:Understand the Push-Pull Dynamic:A desire to connect paired with self-protective behavior often creates emotional distance. Hypervigilance and fear of rejection contribute to overthinking and relationship sabotage.Foundation of Emotional Safety:It is crucial to differentiate between a good-willed partner and one who contributes to insecurity. A relationship built on mutual care and respect is the foundation for growth.Childhood Trauma: Adverse experiences and disordered attachment in early years shape how we approach relationships.Unresolved Baggage: Past relationship wounds influence present emotions and behaviors.Emotional Suppression or Projection: Internalized feelings and unmet needs create inner turmoil.Healthy Relationships Feel Different:Stability may feel uncomfortable, even boring if you're wired for instability. Recognizing this as a Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the power of words in shaping your relationship From shifting negative talk to fostering connection through positive communication, this episode highlights how small changes in language can lead to big transformations.Upcoming Event:Join The Three Silent Killers of Relationships Masterclass on January 9, 2025. Learn how to tackle common communication issues and build a healthier, happier relationship.📅 https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/jan-masterclass**If it's after 1/9/25 and you still want the masterclass visit www.relearnrelationships.com or email info@lillyrachels.comKey TakeawaysWords Carry EnergyEvery word you say comes from either fear or love.Words can build or break relationships, including the one you have with yourself.Notice Your Relationship TalkObserve how you talk to and about your partner.Venting to friends without taking action can harm both your relationship and their view of your partner.Speak Life Into Your PartnerCompliment your partner daily.Appreciate and verbalize what you love about them.Positive words are deposits in your "relationship bank account," strengthening your connection for tough times.Be Honest, Not HarmfulAvoid toxic positivity. Don’t force yourself to say things you don’t believe.Instead, notice and appreciate small positive moments in your relationship.Actionable Steps:Practice Gratitude: Write one thing you appreciate about your partner daily, and say it out loud.Replace Complaints with Solutions: Share your feelings with trusted friends but focus on problem-solving, not just venting.Compliment Often: Look for opportunities to acknowledge your partner’s efforts and qualities. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode, we reflect on 2024 and set relationship goals for the new year. I share how I evaluate what worked and what didn’t in my relationships and how to do this with compassion and curiosity. I talk about three common challenges—unspoken expectations, assumptions, and miscommunication—which we will cover in-depth in a free virtual masterclass in January!FREE virtual masterclass: The Big 3: Silent Killers of Relationships (and How to Easily Tackle Them)You’ll learn:>> The 3 silent killers that ruin your relationships.>> Simple ways to tackle each one and rebuild connection.>> Practical tools to improve communication and trust.*Access to the replay, sent to everyone who signs up.Save your seat: https://relearnrelationships.myflodesk.com/jan-masterclass*** IF IT IS PAST JANUARY 9TH 2025 AND YOU WANT THE MASTERCLASS EMAIL support@lillyrachels.com for info***Key Takeaways from today's episode:Reflect on Your Year: What worked well in your relationship this year? What didn’t? Approach this reflection without judgment.Common Communication Pitfalls: Unspoken expectations, assumptions about your partner, arguing over different issues in the same fight.Solutions for Growth: Cultivate self-awareness and take responsibility for your actions, lead with love, compassion, and respect in your relationships, and focus on your own growth, which can positively influence your partner. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the fear of rejection and how it impacts your relationships. Lilly dives into the roots of this fear, stemming from childhood experiences, and examines how it manifests as self-sabotaging behaviors like keeping others at arm's length or constantly seeking validation. You'll learn to distinguish between real and imagined fears, break the cycle of self-rejection, and open yourself up to love and connection.Action Steps:Reflect on whether your fears are real or imagined.Begin a meditation practice to ground yourself in the present moment.Consider booking a Walk and Talk session with Lilly for personalized support in addressing the root causes of your fear. https://buy.stripe.com/3cs01m9CU9sg4CYfZwSubscribe to Relearn Relationships for more insights, clarity questions, and actionable advice to transform your relationships.https://www.relearnrelationships.com/Key Takeaways:Fear of Rejection: Often includes fears of judgment, abandonment, and unworthiness.Origins of Fear: These fears are typically rooted in childhood experiences and untreated emotional wounds.Manifestation in Relationships: Behaviors like pushing others away, overthinking, or looking for signs of rejection create a self-fulfilling prophecy.Real vs. Imagined Fears:Real fears are grounded in present evidence within the relationship.Imagined fears stem from past experiences or anxiety about the future.Steps to Overcome Fear:Practice mindfulness and meditation to stay present.Address and heal past wounds.Use affirmations like, “I’m open to the possibility of love.”Embrace Vulnerability: Authenticity is key to meaningful relationships. Let down your fear-driven walls to create genuine intimacy. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Welcome back to Relearn Relationships! In this episode, we explore the two major barriers to effective communication in relationships: misunderstandings and assumptions. You'll get practical tools for fostering clarity and curiosity to strengthen your connections and keep relationships thriving.Go Deeper:Star HERE.Buy a Walk + Talk Session HERE.Key Takeaways:Communication as the Lifeblood of Relationships:Poor communication erodes the foundation of relationships, leading to hidden parts of yourself, unmet needs, and resentment.Misunderstandings:Happen when partners aren’t on the same page during conversations or conflicts.Solution: Summarize/paraphrase what you hear and ask for clarification with an open, curious mindset.Shift your mindset: You and your partner are fighting the problem, not each other.Assumptions:Making assumptions shuts down communication and leaves no room for growth.Solution: Challenge assumptions by asking yourself why you’re assuming and stay open to being wrong.Actionable Tools for Better Communication:Summarize what you hear and ask, “Is this what you mean, or is it something else?”Notice when you’re assuming and ask yourself what could happen if your assumption is wrong.Leave space for your partner’s growth and evolution—stay curious. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

Welcome back to Relearn Relationships! In this episode, we dive into the power of gratitude and how cultivating a daily gratitude practice can transform your relationships. Lilly introduces a 31-day gratitude and meditation challenge happening on her Substack this December and explains how both specific and nonspecific gratitude practices can shift your mindset and improve your connections with others.You'll learn how to implement a simple gratitude routine, the science behind its effectiveness, and why focusing on positive emotions helps you overcome relationship friction.Links:Join the Gratitude and Meditation Challenge: HERE.Key Takeaways:Gratitude Transforms Relationships: Regular gratitude practices help you focus on the positives in challenging areas of your life, whether it’s a relationship, job, or personal growth.Specific vs. Nonspecific Practices:Nonspecific: Reflect on something in the last 24 hours that brought you joy.Specific: Focus on a single person or area (e.g., work, parenting) and find daily gratitude there.Steps for a Specific Gratitude Practice:Choose a focus (e.g., partner, boss, parenting).Write a gratitude statement.Reflect on why it matters and how it makes you feel.Visualize the situation and notice the emotions it evokes in your body.Meditation Enhances Gratitude: Spending just 5 minutes focusing on your breath after your gratitude practice helps reinforce a calm and positive mindset.Train Your Brain for Positivity: Gratitude activates your Reticular Activating System (RAS), training your brain to notice and appreciate the good around you.Community Helps: Meditating and practicing gratitude with others fosters accountability and shared growth. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relearnrelationships.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we explore the transformative power of vulnerability and its role in fostering deeper, more meaningful connections. From breaking down protective shields to rebuilding trust after being hurt, this conversation sheds light on how openness can strengthen relationships and create lasting bonds.Go Deeper:Subscribe to Relearn Relationships on Substack for weekly Clarity Questions and Action Steps.www.relearnrelationships.comFounding members get a 60-minute Relationship Strategy session with Lilly.www.relearnrelationships.com/subscribeKey Takeaways:Humans Are Wired for Connection:We thrive in community and relationships. Early experiences of disconnection can create protective patterns that block intimacy.Patterns of Protection:Protective behaviors like hyper-independence may seem positive but often stem from unresolved trauma.These patterns can prevent genuine vulnerability and keep relationships shallow.The Breaking Point:Vulnerability often emerges when protective shields can no longer hold. Sharing openly can deepen connections, as seen through personal experiences.Deep Relationships Require Vulnerability:Your relationships can only be as deep as your willingness to show your true self, including the pain and struggles. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we dive into the importance of openly communicating what's on your mind instead of letting unspoken assumptions or fears create destructive narratives in your relationship. By understanding how our past shapes these patterns, we can learn to break free from self-sabotaging thoughts and foster healthier, more secure connections.Go Deeper:Subscribe to Relearn Relationships on Substack for weekly Clarity Questions and Action Steps.www.relearnrelationships.comFounding members get a 60-minute Relationship Strategy session with Lilly.www.relearnrelationships.com/subscribeKey Takeaways:Communicate, Don’t AssumeSilence fuels negative assumptions. Clear communication prevents self-created, hurtful narratives.Self-Sabotaging MindsetsA “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality can lead to unnecessary fears, often undermining a healthy relationship.Self-Fulfilling PropheciesSeeking evidence for our fears, we often act in ways that strain relationships, confirming our doubts.Hypervigilance PatternsChildhood instability can lead to overthinking and taking on others' emotions in relationships.Breaking Overthinking CyclesRecognizing ingrained patterns from our upbringing helps us break free and allow deeper intimacy.Awareness as a Path to ChangeUnderstanding our patterns and triggers is the first step to dismantling defenses and building secure, open connections. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, we dive into relationship polarity and what we can learn from the characters Beth and Rip in Yellowstone. Using this example, we explore how balancing masculine and feminine energies can bring harmony—or create disconnection—depending on how well partners honor each other's natural expression. We discuss why trying to change your partner’s emotional style can diminish attraction and how tuning into your own body can help bridge differences.Beth and Rip don’t show us a healthy relationship. There is HIGH dysfunction on both sides. I’m using these characters as a fun example. :)Key Takeaways:Understand Polarity in Relationships: Masculine and feminine energies each bring unique strengths to relationships. Balancing these energies enhances attraction and connection.Avoid Trying to Change Your Partner’s Style: Pushing a partner to communicate like you may cause disconnection; respect each other's natural energy.Embrace Emotional Awareness: Recognize your emotions in your body to reduce reactivity and deepen understanding.Masculine and Feminine Bond Differently: Women often bond through sharing, while men bond through solving. Recognizing this helps us appreciate each other's approaches.Honoring Attraction through Polarity: Encouraging your partner to stay true to their energy (masculine or feminine) strengthens attraction and intimacy.Go Deeper:Subscribe to Relearn Relationships on Substack for weekly Clarity Questions and Action Steps.www.relearnrelationships.comFounding members get a 60-minute Relationship Strategy session with Lilly. Thank you for subscribing. Share this episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lillyrachels.com