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Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
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Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. 


Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. Many Hijackals have behaviors that are consider the same as those who are diagnoses as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder.


These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

126 Episodes
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Hate and Humiliation often go together. ? #Hijackals--relentlessly difficult, toxic people--hate and humiliate to get the upper hand in relationships...AND to make you feel bad about yourself especially in front of other people. It’s nasty! Listen in to understand the double standards of enjoying watching other people be humiliated on Reality TV or Celebrity Roasts, yet hating to be the object of humiliation ourselves. Then, make better decisions about what to do about your relationship with a #Hijackal!#Narcissists and other #Hijackals hate to see you happy. They resent it and too often take swings at you--in every way--to take you down and make you as unhappy as they are inside. Yes, they may appear confident and in control, but inside they are conflicted and concerned every minute.Hijackals work on the premise that making others feel small, miserable, angry, unhappy, and demeaned will assure and secure their power and control. Hence, they use hate and humiliation to accomplish that. Again, nasty!If you are in a relationship with a partner, parent, sibling, or co-worker that you now recognize is based on underlying hate and the need and desire to humiliate, it's time to take action and get help. That is not OK on any level.You deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship based on honesty, safety, trust, respect, and reliability.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why we laugh when other people are humiliatedWhat "celebrity roasts" are really about and why you need to knowHow deprecating supposedly humor takes the heat off the speakerHow hate and humiliation too often go togetherClearly seeing why #Hijackals hate and humiliateKnow why you cannot tolerate hateful comments and broadsiding humiliation from a HijackalSchadenfreude: the tendency to take delight in the misery of othersThrowing shade: clever and humiliating Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.Learn more: TransformingRelationship.comListen to my podcastsLike my Facebook pageFollow me on Twitter: Stay in touch on LinkedIn: Find my inspiring graphics on Instagram:So much on my Pinterest boardsSubscribe to my YouTube Channel: ForRelationshipHelp -------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------#hate #humiliate #whyanarcissisthates #whyanarcissisthumiliates #humiliationisnothumor #humiliatingpeople #hijackalhate#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
Dating? Getting back in the dating scene? Does it scare you these days? All this talk--and experience--of breadcrumb dating, ghosting, insecurity, toxicity, safety in relationships? My guest, Tracy Crossley, specializes in helping you to be aware of unhealthy dating patterns and how to change them. Breadcrumb dating needs to be recognized immediately and shut down. Learn today to save yourself unnecessary pain while dating. Tracy Crossley cautions, "Sex is not emotional intimacy." Sometimes, you can hope that it is--or, at least, is the beginning of emotional intimacy. It's not! Often, the earlier you have sex in a relationship the more likely it is that you will experience breadcrumb dating. Save yourself that pain!If you've ever been in a toxic relationship, you are likely to be afraid of dating these days.Who can I trust? Can I trust myself to choose a healthy relationship?Breadcrumb dating is what you likely fear the most because it will mimic the emotional abuse you have already experienced. Do you know what "breadcrumb dating" actually is? An experience you don't want! Today we talk about recognizing these patterns and possibilities just in case you run into them. So then you can run away!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is "breadcrumb dating?"What does breadcrumb dating have to do with attachment styles?Hear Tracy Crossley's storyHow breadcrumb dating triggers fear of abandonmentWhy sex is not emotional intimacyHow you can stop doing things that make you feel badLearning to be honest and vulnerable without punishing yourselfWhat is an "insecure attachment" and how does it look in relationship? GUEST: Tracy CrossleyTracy is a Behavioral Relationship Expert and Podcast Host who works with individuals to help transform their dating habits by breaking unhealthy cycles of dating. With a background in psychology, an innate emotional intuition, and drawing from her own personal experience, Tracy helps her clients break the patterns that keep them trapped in the repetition of unhealthy singlehood and relationships.Learn more at TracyCrossley.comFind on FacebookEnjoy on YouTube Follow on TwitterListen to PodcastWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER! I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again. Learn more: TransformingRelationship.comListen to my podcastsLike my Facebook pageFollow me on Twitter: Stay in touch on LinkedIn: Find my inspiring graphics on Instagram:So much on my Pinterest boards Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: ForRelationshipHelp -------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------#breadcrumbdating #ghosting #tracycrossley #toxicdating #recognizingatoxicperson #datingonline #toxicity#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
Hooked on the rush of falling in love?Hooked on the feeling of not being able to get enough of another human? Wonder why you want to go running back to the nasty human you knew to leave? It's all about hormones at the most basic level. Your body has its own agenda. It wants you to not think too much so you'll have babies. Yes, I know that sounds a bit simplistic, but it's true. Your hormones go into overdrive. Your hormones override your recognition of danger--emotional danger, physical danger, sexual danger. When hormones get involved, even your risk-taking concerns are overridden! #Cortisol, #dopamine, #serotonin, and #oxytocin all play a significant part in how you get hooked on #Hijackals! Once you recognize this, and really think about it, you can begin to override your body's urges, and overrule the hormone's effects with logical thinking. No, I'm not suggesting you give up the joys of falling in love and get all too practical! I'm suggesting that it's best to recognize how your body wants to move towards procreating, and makes you somewhat brain dead to the red flags and toxic signs. You don't want that. You want to be more in charge. Yes, you would likely like to let yourself go down the rabbit hole of falling for the latest #Hijackal. You know that goes nowhere but into a land of hurt, right? Yes, you'd like to believe the #Hijackal when s/he comes back, love-bombing, saying all the right things to hook you on the hope they've changed. Engage brain at that moment. Recognize your hormones are triggered. Step back. Today's episode can save you from that world of hurt by reducing it to the few weeks of withdrawal required to unhook yourself. Listen in. best regards,RhobertaWant to talk with me? One-hour introductory session is only $97.-------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How hormones reduce your ability to think clearlyHormones make risk-taking more attractive and acceptableWhat hormones do to your ability to make decisionsWhy you get hooked on #HijackalsWhy you get hooked on hope that #Hijackals will changeWhy you want to go back to an abusive relationshipWhy you must take charge and understand your body to keep yourself safe in all waysWant to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#hookedonhormones #hormonesandabuse #hookedonhijackals #fallinginlove #hormonesandfallinginlove #oxytocin #cortisol #dopamine #serotonin #highlevelsofhormones #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
"I know I'm being lied to, but I want it to be true." I hear that so often from clients. I understand that they are so hooked on hope that the person they fell in love with would never lie to them that they believe the lies.Often, they are so exhausted from being in a relationship with a #Hijackal that they don't have the energy to deal with the lying. In today's episode, I'm offering you ten signs of a pathological liar so that you can step back and see if you really have on in your life. That's a good first step. Then, you can hear my thoughts on why they lie. It is very organic, and fundamental to their nature, to lie bold faced. Pathological liars seldom even think about lying. They need to win or be right in the moment, and they'll do whatever it takes in that minute to achieve it. Sound familiar? Then, when you catch them saying something different about the same thing they lied about yesterday, learn why it is never productive to point it out. And, learn what you can do differently when you know that you are dealing with a #pathologicalliar. best regards,RhobertaWant to talk with me? One-hour introductory session is only $97.-------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: Difference between white lies and pathological lies10 reasons pathological liars will not tell the truthMost common lies of #Hijackals and other pathological liarsWhat not to do when being lied to by a #Hijackal or #pathologicalliarWhat to focus on when you are being lied toHow best to respond and how not to respond to a pathological liar Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#pathologicalliar #signsofapathologicalliar #beingliedto # #narcissistslie #howtostopthelying #Iknowheslying #iknowsheslying #confrontinglies #respondtoaliar #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
#Hijackals manipulate. Therefore, Hijackals lie. Whether that #Hijackal is narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social, it doesn't matter. They will lie. Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic people--want the outcomes they want. Therefore, they deceive you. Deceiving you means causing you to believe something that is not true usually to gain some personal advantage. Typical of Hijackals, right? They must win. Therefore, you must lose. To them, anything that helps them win is fair game. I know you want to believe the lies. The Hijackal is often telling you what you want to hear with little intention of giving you what you want to receive. They know the edges, and often overstep them. Don't be in denial. A narcissist does NOT have your best interests at heart. NO! Hijackals have their best interests at heart. They even put their own interests over what's best for their children. Nasty! So, it's time to step up and stop accepting the lies! No, don't tell them they are wrong. Don't tell them they are lying. You already know that just causes more fury. Recognize the ways you have let them lie to you and why. (I'll help with that, so listen.) Understand why #Hijackals lie. Face the truth. See it as it is.Examine your options.Take action. In a few weeks, I'll be doing another episode on ways to confront the lying and NOT blow things up. Subscribe and stay tuned. best regards,RhobertaWant to talk with me? One-hour introductory session is only $97.-------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What deception really isUsual reasons for not confronting the lies narcissists tellWhat stops you from stepping up to the truthWhy #Hijackals® lieWhy you let themBig four steps to stop the lies Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#beingliedto #knowImbeingliedto #narcissistslie #howtostopthelying #Iknowheslying #iknowsheslying #confrontinglies #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
You've likely turned yourself into a pretzel to please a toxic person. That's what they want. You can stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a decade, and you cannot please them beyond a hot minute when they really want something for you. Notice that! You were discarded. Not your idea. Not your choice. Not your timing. You're unhappy and focused on what you've lost. That's natural. BUT, you're out! Being discarded by a narcissist, or a person who narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, never feels good. But, you can feel much better when you focus on the ten ways to resist the urge to return to a toxic relationship! Being discarded may have been your worst fear, but look! You're still alive, breathing and all. And, doing all that good stuff in spite of the fact that the #Hijackal, the #narcissist, the #sociopath discarded you. Great start! Feel the pain, but don't wallow in it. There's a difference. Acknowledge the pain. Give it a name. Recognize the source. Then, turn around, face forward, and realize that, no matter how you got there, you're out of the emotional abuse! Yay! The pull to return to a toxic person can be great, overwhelming even. It's what you know. It may be what your early life trained you to believe you deserve. Not true! You deserve SO much more than emotional abuse! Listen to these ten ways to resist going back to a toxic person, a #Hijackal! Listen again...and, again...and....as many times as necessary to not go back. You now have the opportunity to be free of ridicule, blame, put-downs, insignificance, and begging for crumbs of affection. Woo-hoo! best regards,RhobertaWant to talk with me? One-hour introductory session is only $97.-------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why discard hurts so muchWhat you can take charge ofWhat you actually deserve much more than you have receivedHow being discarded can be the best thing ever10 ways to resist returning to a narcissist by focusing on moving forwardWant to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#discardedbyahijackal #resisttheurgetoreturn #discarded #discardedinrelationship #resistreturning ##healthyrelationshipwithyourself#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
You made it! You have ended the relationship with the toxic, difficult person, the #Hijackal! Good for you! You know what is best for you, and your family.It takes too long to be truly free from a #Hijackal. (I know because I help people do that all around the world via video conferencing.) And, you've done it.Or, you've at least moved away from the person physically. Your emotions may take awhile to catch up. That's normal.So, when you find yourself second-guessing the breakup--because that happens too frequently--I'm giving you six habits to focus on to have the happier, healthier life you want. Pick up your mind when in travels back to #Hijackal Land, and bring it to these six habits. It will help, I promise.When you've been with a toxic person, toxicity rubs of on you a little. You might be edgy, maybe even a little hyper-vigilant still. Quick to feel angry, or quick to feel defeated. That's normal. What to do? Focus on these six things. (You're getting it, right? These six things are important! )New habits take practice. You know there is a big difference between talking about something and actually doing it! In that same way, there is a big difference between having information and actually turning it into knowledge. Knowledge is information that you have taken into your body, mind, heart, and soul and it shows up as changed behavior! Six changes in behavior for you to focus on feel more confident, secure, and healthy. They are simple, AND they work. Enjoy!best regards,Rhoberta Want to talk with me? One-hour introductory session is only $97. -------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Refocusing yourself after the toxic person is goneKnowing the difference between information and knowledgeStaying conscious of what you're moving towardsSix steps on the journey to being who you most want to beHaving the life you want, and the relationships you value Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#leavingahijackal #leavinganarcissist #divorcinganarcissist #afterthedivorce #healthyrelationshiphabits #healthyrelationshipwithyourself#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
DRAMA: Who needs it??

DRAMA: Who needs it??

2020-01-0400:09:36

Drama! It keeps you walking on eggshells, wondering when the next supposedly offence on your part will be jumped on. Or, an event will be blown out of proportion. That event may or not have actually happened, right? Accepting responsibility for allowing drama to continue in your life is the first step to putting an END to it. I know, the other person does create it. You may be allowing it, even enabling drama in your relationship.The patterns and persistence of drama and manipulation in a relationship are not hard to spot. What can be hard is deciding where your boundary is, expressing it, and holding it strong. You may have to add non-negotiable consequences if that boundary is crossed or disrespected.Listen in and learn about expressing your boundaries in effective ways.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 \CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: ForRelationshipHelp#boundaries #expressingboundaries #holding boundaries #toomuchdrama #explosivepartner#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
Keeping you in chaos, confusion, and uncertainty is a hallmark of a #Hijackal®. They do it to keep you on guard and off balance. That's a very shaky combination that destroys any possibility of stability in a relationship! Recognizing when a Hijackal is trying to control you (which is always) is an important skill to have for taking back your personal power and sense of self. It's particularly important when that uncertainty has come to feel "normal." There is nothing normal about it, but it is the way #Hijackals roll. You might need to "roll" away!You may find it difficult to clear your head and examine how you really feel at this point.You've likely been told you're wrong so many times that you've come to believe it. You may have been told everything is your fault so many times you've come to think it's true. If either of those things are true for you right now, this is the perfect time to listen in and gather some insights and strengths.Clarity is required. Being with a #Hijackal--maybe a #narcissist--leaves your head spinning.Because you are a good person, you've likely given the Hijackal the benefit of the doubt too many times. You've excused his/her behavior repeatedly. You've justified their crazy-making more times than is healthy. Actually, once is enough!It's time to stop. Today's episode is a good place to start.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: ForRelationshipHelp#chaosinrelationship #controlinrelationship #uncertaintyinrelationship #keepingcontrol#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
Holidays or any celebration can be stressful. It may be exciting--which is stressful in itself--and it may be distressful.Give yourself permission to recognize and act on the three empowering tips for surviving the holidays with other humans.In fact, these three tips will always help you feel empowered.Are the holidays duty, dread, or delight for you?Can you look forward to any celebration, without concern that it will be ruined by others?If you have a #Hijackal parent or a #Hijackal partner or ex, you know there is downside potential. You likely cannot control anyone in your life, nor would you want to. (Kids excluded, of course...lol)You also don't want to be controlled.You're an adult and you have choices, right? You also don't want your happiness in other peoples' hands. It isn't, but often, folks think that it is. Happiness is an inside job. Place yourself in places, and situations where you can be happy. Remove yourself from situations where you historically cannot find happiness.I know that sound simple, and is anything but easy. That's why I've given you these three insights today, and I hope you will take them to heart.#Hijackals want to be the center of attention--whether they are present or not! They simply feed on having the power to control people and situations. They can refuse to come to something, or come and demand center stage. Still, they will be the topic of conversation. Just what they want.Use these three empowering insights to stay centered and calm, and away from potentially volatile situations. You're an adult, right? You can choose. I hope you'll choose in favor of peace, happiness, and joy!--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:3 Empowering Tips to help you be more centered and calm in the holidaysHow to take care of yourself around toxic peopleKnow that you can choose JOMO over FOMOControl what is within your control--you--and leave the restWant to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#narcissisticparent #Hijackalparent #toxicparents #toxicparenting #toxicpartner #toxicparent#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
What a pleasure and honor to have this deep conversation with Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. !Patricia Evans stepped up, spoke up, and spoke out about verbal abuse. Her first book--with four following--is a tribute to her indomitable spirit and unwillingness to stay silent about this gateway behavior.Before a partner hits you, you will have been verbally abused: demeaned, discounted, dismissed, blamed, manipulated, and deceived. Domestic violence starts with verbal abuse.Toxic relationships are verbally abusive. In today's episode, we talk about the aspects of verbal abuse, and Patricia offers insights and strategies to recognize it, and find the strength to move away from it.If you have ever been verbally abused, or think you might be right now, you need to listen now.ABOUT PATRICIA EVANS:An internationally recognized Interpersonal Communications Specialist, Patricia Evans draws upon research of more than thirty thousand cases of verbally abusive relationships. She speaks and conducts workshops throughout the country.Founder of the Evans Interpersonal Communications Institute, now, EICI, Inc., Patricia offers workshops and training programs. She has single-handedly brought the subject of verbal abuse to the forefront of American consciousness, starting with her landmark book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond(1992). Newsweek commended her for it, saying that the expanded edition in 1996 was “A groundbreaking new book.”Patricia Evans has spoken on the devastating effect of this secret form of control on more than two hundred radio programs, and seventeen national television shows, including the Oprah Winfrey Show, Sonya Live—CNN and News Talk.Find Patricia Evan's work at VerbalAbuse.com--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#verballyabused #verbalabuse #verballyabusive #patriciaevans#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #verbalabuse #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
When you have a #Hijackal® parent, you tend to model their traits, or be set up to be the unwitting "prey" for other predators like them. Having a #Hijackal parent can turn you into "Hijackal Bait." Hijackals are attracted to you, and you are attracted tot hem.Why? Because they seem so familiar. You feel somehow comfortably uncomfortable with them...at least for the first while.Having a Hijackal parent often means that you become the Golden Child in the family, the one who can do no wrong. Or, the Scapegoat, the one who can do nothing right.It's important to realize the potential pitfalls for life and relationship that having a Hijackal parent set you up to take. It certainly wasn't your fault, and you did not create. It's important, though, to recognize what actually happened to you.Today's episode gives you some insights into this.Read the highlights below, and listen in. Subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Insights into motives of toxic parentsWhat you may not realize about your upbringingWhy #Hijackals must make you wrongWhy you might take on too much blame in lifeWant to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#narcissisticparent #Hijackalparent #toxicparents #toxicparenting#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #journorequest #prrequest 
Difficult, defensive, and destructive behaviors can turn into dangerous ones! These six steps to keep you safer around toxic people, around #Hijackals, are absolutely vital to recognize and take. Keep yourself safer! In today's episode, I'm defining "dangerous" as dangerous to your well-being in all ways, and to your children's well-being and best interests. I give you six vital questions to ask yourself--honestly ask yourself--and honestly answer.When you're with a toxic person, you are likely to make excuses for their behavior, rationalize or justify their behavior. Time to stop doing that. And, time to look at your relationship with honest eyes. You need to see what's really happening, not what you wish was happening, right? Toxic relationships depend on you putting up with verbal and emotional abuse. If you were not willing to, you would not be in the relationship. I know that sounds very harsh and matter-of-fact. You would only put up with these behaviors if you had been taught to, and I want to open you up to see that it is NOT NECESSARY to put up with being treated like anything less than the valuable human you are.None of us are perfect, and we ARE valuable. You deserve to be treated with honesty, respect, trust, and reliability. You deserve to be safe. Sometimes, you might not realize that you have rights and you can expect to be treated with respect and dignity. In a loving relationship, you can also expect to be with an emotionally mature person who wants to create emotional intimacy. That's not unreasonable, although, in my opinion, not enough people go for it!You are the one who can take steps to keep you and your children safe. Information and education are the beginning, and I'm so glad you're listening to this podcast. Enjoy all the other episodes, too, and shore up your knowledge, AND your self-confidence, too!Read the highlights below, and listen in. Subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:6 invaluable questions to ask yourself, and answer honestly6 steps to keep yourself safer when you're around a toxic person, a #HijackalWhy #Hijackals are not driven by logicSigns of potential trouble when you're with a controlling personWhy it is essential to whip off the rose-colored glasses and see that a difficult person can actually be a dangerous person You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#staysafe #personalsafety #emotionalsafety #keepyourselfsafe #stepstostopabuse #notoabuse #hijackalfree#saveyoursanity #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
CRAZY-MAKING! That's what these ten mind-games are!#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic people in life must always win. You've noticed that, right? They have to be right, make your wrong, and have their way. That why it is important to recognize these ten mind-games narcissists play to confuse you. Narcissists want you to live in uncertainty. They want the ground beneath your feet to be constantly shifting. AND, they want to be in control of those shifts.When you come to clearly see what a #narcissist is up to, what a #Hijackal is up to, you will be able to make clearer decisions about your next best steps. When you're too worn down to see these things, get some help. I'm always here to help you. BeAClient.com Read the highlights below, and listen in. Subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:All or Nothing ThinkingLove-bombing Flattery"Don't Be Different"Convenient Half-TruthsThe "I'm Just Kidding/You're Too Sensitive" GambitGeneralizations and ClichesSmear Campaigns"The Plausability Ploy"Exploiting VulnerabilitiesPlaying on Your Emotions You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#co-parenting #co-parentingwithnarcissist #putthechildrenfirst #parentingwithanarcissist#saveyoursanity #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
You've divorced a #narcissist, a #Hijackal®. That was difficult, no doubt.Now, you're settling in--or trying to settle in--to some kind of reasonable co-parenting model. That's tough, too. I know, I've done it.It's not easy to co-parent with a #narcissist.It's not what you expected to have to do.You're still resentful about the relationship, and devastated by the divorce.BIG RULE: Never make your children feel like pawns, messengers, or casualties of your divorce. Yes, that's tough, too, but it is SO important.In a perfect world, after divorce, your children would only know that life is more peaceful with two homes, and that they miss the parent they are not with. That's it. That's how it should go.When you have divorced a narcissist, that's not the way it goes, right?In this episode, I'm giving you the 5 IDEALS for conscious co-parentingAND, the 10 REALITIES of co-parenting with a narcissist, co-parenting with a Hijackal.I promised in the episode to give you the five positive affirmations to keep in mind here in writing.I am the model I want my children to follow. Therefore, everything I do and say demonstrates who I want my children to strive towards becoming.I communicate with my ex in the way I wish for him/her to communicate with me. I choose collaboration and conversation, over conflict and acrimony.I focus on my children and what keeps them healthy--physically, mentally, and emotionally. That includes doing what is in their best interests first.I turn my attention from what I don't like about my ex to what s/he does well for the children. It's about the kid, not what my personal issues are with my ex.I allow my children to enjoy their childhood and ensure they're only concerned with age-appropriate thoughts, feelings, and actions. I protect them from being pawns, messengers, and casualties of my divorce.I clarify the realities of co-parenting with toxic people, and give you ten insights that will help you save your santiy.Read the highlights below, and listen in. Subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:5 Ideals of Co-parenting10 Realities of Co-parenting with a narcissistic #HijackalHow to keep your head above water while saving your sanity when co-parentingWhy and How to be the most sane parent in the narcissist mixYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#co-parenting #co-parentingwithnarcissist #putthechildrenfirst #parentingwithanarcissist#saveyoursanity #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
BAIT-AND-SWITCH! That's an illegal activity in the U.S. and many other countries, when it comes to advertising great deals. It would be SO good, if it were illegal when it comes to #Hijackals everywhere, too.In advertising terms, bait-and-switch is described as a scam that entices people with a great product of high quality at a very attractively low price. Once a person buys it, they find that they got a low-quality substitute with a no-return policy.Doesn't that remind of you of how you become ensnared by a #Hijackal? You're love-bombed, made to believe you are the most amazing creature on earth and that the Hijackal would go to the ends of the earth for you.Hijackals move quickly. You've likely seen graphics on Facebook that remind you that no one falls in love more quickly than a narcissist who has lost a job and has nowhere to stay. Whether or not that was your case, the Hijackal wants to move quickly: fall in love, move in, get pregnant, borrow money, wham! That's to establish control.By the time the picture starts to come clearly out of the "love haze", and into focus, you don't want to see it. You want to believe the love-bombing. And, then, the abuse begins.Does this sounds familiar? Read the highlights below, and listen in. Subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How sex is often used once the love-bombing stage is overWhy you don't want to believe the bait-and-switchHow something that seems so intensely wonderful could go so intensely wrongHow #Hijackals use sex as a weaponWhy #Hijackals can never get enough power over youHow withholding or demanding sex is often part of coercive controlYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#sexasaweapon #baitandswitch #lovebombing #partnerrape #intimateterrorism #narcissisttactics#coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
Emotionally Impaired? There's no breathalyzer for that! So, how do you know some is?Every now and then, each one of us may be a little incapacitated by life events. There can be temporary emotional impairment.Where the real problems come is when a person is often emotionally impaired, or more difficult, usually emotionally impaired!You cannot have the three hallmarks I suggest every healthy relationship with the possibility of being emotionally mature and emotionally intimate must have:Equality. Reciprocity. Mutuality.It's essential to creating healthy relationships that each person examine their own behavior first. It's wise to be aware of our own issues.If you find yourself have the same interactions with your partner or parent, or the same complaints about him or her, today's episode may help you identify what is going on and what might be causing the problems. Perhaps, s/he is emotionally impaired.Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.comListen in, and subscribe.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Answers to...What is emotional impairment?How do you recognize someone is emotionally impaired?How would I know if I am emotionally impaired?What is the impact of being with an emotionally impaired person?Why is this important to recognize? You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#emotionallyimpaired #emotionallyimmature #needtomature #relationshipskills #communicationskills#coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
Are you with someone who is empathy deficient? Someone who shows almost no interest in your thoughts, feelings, needs, or wants?That could be a parent, partner, ex, sibling, or co-worker. It's so hard to comprehend when someone doesn't seem to have the interest or the bandwidth to take you into account, right?Empathy deficiency!I've done a lot of reading on the topic of empathy, the lack of empathy, and its relationship to narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, and borderline behavior development, as you can imagine. I'm always on a quest to help you understand how these people, relationships, and toxicity happens, and I have to fully understand first.#Hijackals are empathy deficient! I like the clear definition of empathy that is offered by Simon Baron-Cohen of the University of Cambridge in his book, The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty:"Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling, and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion."It sounds so natural and straightforward, doesn't it? But, for those raised in difficult situations, abusive situations, or toxic homes, there is likelihood that Baren-Cohen says that have empathy allows us to mostly accurately understand and identify where other people "are at."When a person has experienced incest, child abuse, neglect, violence, or been brought up in a home with alcohol or substance abuse, they were likely raised by people who had low regard for children, and high regard for themselves. These adults in charge of that home were often dismissive, degrading, demanding, or destructive to children. Big damage can be done!When you find yourself in a relationship with a #Hijackal, you will work much harder at the relationship than the Hijackal. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Know this: the Hijackals lack of empathy, or unwillingness to relate to or care about your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, needs, wants, or much of anything you bring up, has nothing to do with anything you did. Yes, it's currently your problem, but you didn't create it.AND, you can stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a year, and it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO GET ANY BETTER for more than an occasional hot minute when the Hijackal wants something or thinks /she is losing you. Know that right down to your bones.Hijackals are empathy deficient, and you cannot fix that, help with that, or change that! Listen to this episode to understand this "empathy-free" approach to life and relationship more fully.Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.comListen in, and subscribe.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Answers to...What is empathy?How is empathy developed?How do people become empathy deficient?Is it likely that an empathy deficient person will change?Is it my fault #Hijackals behave so thoughtlessly, and often cruelly?You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#empathy #empathydeficient #empathyfree #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
The #Hijackal Trap usually closes slowly. At first, everything seems rosy, wonderful, and just what you've always longer for. Then, it starts to close. Narcissistic behavior is crafty! You want to believe what you fell in love with was true, so you rationalize, justify, and excuse red flag behaviors.Did you do that? Are you doing that? That will keep you trapped!In this episode, I walk you through more than eight clear signs and symptoms that you are caught in the #Hijackal Trap, and hopefully, you'll see them clearly. Once you see them, you can make better decisions for yourself...and, for your children. Until you see them, you may think everything is your fault. At least, that's what the Hijackal has been telling you, right?When someone tells you something negative about the person who has caused you to listen to this, do you instantly jump to their defense? Or, do you make it all your fault? These are signs you are in the #HijackalTrapGood news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.com Listen in, and subscribe.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How does it feel to be caught in the #Hijackal® Trap?What are the behaviors that #Hijackals use to trap you? Why it's not your fault, no matter what a Hijackal tells you.Are you caught up in defending your abuser?What about the #gaslighting ? How wanting to be a good person can trip you up in the Hijackal Trap. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#traumabonding #gaslighting #defendingabuser #narcissisticvictimsyndrome #hijackaltrap #secondguessingmyself #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
Have you heard the term, coercive control? You may not have as it's just slowly coming to awareness. And, it is SO important that it does! Coercive control is life-sucking! That's why I've chosen to give you an understanding of the many aspects of coercive control in today's episode. Evan Stark, PhD, coined the term"coercive control" and he defines it this way,"...an ongoing pattern of domination by which male abusive partners primarily interweave repeated physical and sexual violence with intimidation, sexual degradation, isolation, and control."Does any of that sound like something that has happened to you? He writes about men because he says that coercive control is a 'gendered' issue, He writes about this in his paper, Re-Presenting Battered Women: Coercive Control and the Defense of Liberty.He says,"The primary outcome of coercive control is a condition of entrapment that can be hostage-like in the harms it inflicts on dignity, liberty, autonomy, and personhood as well as to physical and psychological integrity."Does this sound familiar in any way to you? Have you felt degraded, diminished, discounted, and devalued by a toxic partner, one of those folks I call #Hijackals®?Listen in, and subscribe.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is coercive control?Why it is a 'gendered' issue?Why law enforcement as too often failed to look at the repeating patterns of non-physical abuse.How intimidation fits into coercive abuse.Why you need to really understand how destructive this and how it breaks you down over timeWhy documenting the things that are said, done, and left undone in the relationship is SO importantYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctorYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople
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Comments (6)

Kathy Hammond

I've read several things written by Dr. Shaler but this is the first time I've heard her podcast. I appreciate her civil approach to managing a challenging situation. One thing that stood out in this podcast was the the Hijackal's disruptions of holidays, etc., because their intent is to the be the center of attention. I hadn't considered it from that angle.

Dec 12th
Reply (1)

Gloria Summerlin

I tried very hard to listen to this podcast but contiued getting "unknown error" instead.

Oct 20th
Reply (1)

Julia Jepson

can someone be both overert and convert narcissist at different times ?

Jul 24th
Reply (1)
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