Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

106 Episodes

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What is "The Hijackal Trap?" Am I Caught in It?

2019-06-1700:26:15

Are you caught in The Hijackal Trap? You really need to know, so you can make clear choices. The Hijackal® Trap is often very hard to recognize because it is often subterranean, deep in the murky areas of the relationships only showing up every now and again. Or, maybe, it's showing up increasingly frequency now, and you need to know right away. You get glimpses of it in confusing early moments in your relationship, and if you're like most people with a desire to be in love, you ignore those glimpses because you want everything to be wonderful, solvable, and moving in a great direction towards one another. Right? That's the way it's supposed to work. It doesn't work that way with #Hijackals, sadly. The Hijackal Trap is illusive. Now you see it. No, you don't. And, because you don't really want to see it, you likely ignore it or make excuses for it when it does raise its ugly head. You're listening today because you know you are tired of feeling put down, worn down, or torn down...and, usually all three! Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people with the patterns, traits, and cycles shared by those with narcissistic, passive-aggressive, sociopathic, histrionic, psychopathic, and borderline tendencies--can be very charming. For sure, they are full of immediate excuses for the their behavior. Worse, though, is that the have a tendency to make everything your fault! Familiar? You'll know if you're caught in The Hijackal Trap very soon. I think you're suspecting it's true, right? --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing the Hijackal TrapWhy things may seem comfortably uncomfortable, or familiarWhy you may have consciously or unconsciously missed the red flagsWhat to watch forHow to know if you're caught in the Hijackal Trap Don't worry. Other episodes will definitely help you get out of the Trap, and out of the relationship if that is what you want to do. You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.com Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles

Why You Shouldn't Go Back to a Hijackal® & How To Stay Away Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

2019-06-1000:28:11

You're out! You likely took a long time to make the decision to leave the narcissist, or in my terms, the #Hijackal. You also likely talked yourself out of it more than a few times, right? Then, you make your move for all the right reasons. It's difficult AND you do it. Uh-oh! Now, you're second-guessing your decision, and beating yourself up a bit. NO! Please don't! Remind yourself that you left for all the right reasons. Not so easy when you're feeling unsure, alone, and maybe even a little helpless...at least, once you're in your new place all along. Right?That's when the doubts creep in, You wonder if you did the right thing. You start romanticizing the past and remembering only the good parts. Oh, I know, I've been there, and I left, too. So today, I'm talking about understanding what may be driving you to think of going back to the abusive relationship. I give you SIX practical and immediate things to do to stay on the path of leaving, and keep yourself on an even keel while staying away. So important for your growth, self-esteem, and self-confidence! Every client I have who has told me stories of leaving a #Hijackal and going back has said how much s/he regretted that decision. Some of them actually left a couple of times before they moved away for good. It's not easy, because you're emotionally addicted. You may not like to think of yourself in those terms, but basically, that's what has been going on. To break any addiction, you have to go through a rough patch. If you go back, you have to go through the rough patch again. Not so smart, right? --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you may think that going back is a good ideaHow to know it's a very bad ideaWhat to do when you are tempted to go backTrauma-bonding can keep pulling you back and you need to recognize thatSix active steps to take to make a good start on your new life away from a #Hijackal If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #dontgobacktoanarcissist

4 Scary Reasons Why Unconditional Love May be a Dangerous Myth

2019-06-0300:22:53

Oh, my! I can imagine that for a few folks the title of today's episode caused them a brief moment of near apoplexy!No, I didn't choose it for its shock value, nor did I choose it to be controversial. I chose it because there are a few things about unconditional love that you may not know, and maybe, you may have a little blind belief that to be a "good" person. you must strive to be unconditionally loving to all people at all times. Not so.Before you set your hair on fire--or want to do that to mine...lol--please listen to the whole episode.It is NOT heresy. I am a deeply spiritual person and I've led several spiritual centers and organizations. I am very familiar with the constructs and demands of unconditional love. So, I feel I'm a good person to give you this food for thought.I've covered the four ways in the highlights section below, but each one requires explanation and that's what I've done in the episode.I really, really, really hope you'll think about these things, after listening to the whole episode. You'll find it relieving and freeing, I hope. --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Unconditional love may be a toxic mythUnconditional love is like a "Get Our of Jail Free" cardThe term "unconditional love" has a surprising, and out-of-context, origin you might not know...til nowUnconditional love undermines justiceIf you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #unconditionallove #mythofunconditionallove

5 Ways to Keep Your Courage UP While Leaving a Difficult Person, a Hijackal

2019-05-2700:28:33

You've left, or you're close to leaving. It's scary! Sometimes, you're so sure you need to leave. Too often, you're second-guessing yourself. I hear clients, and people in my groups, say, "I want out of this relationship, no matter what the cost." And I understand that too well. When there is physical or sexual abuse, you may need to leave immediately. You're saying, "I'm at the end of my rope and I don't have the energy or will to tie a knot! I've been there. I know. I also know, though, that that's when you have to find the energy to re-focus on finding your way out of the relationship with the best interests of yourself and your children in mind. And, that means summoning up the energy to stand up on your back legs, and get what you deserve. So, today, I'm offering you five essential ways to keeping up your courage, while ending your relationship AND saving your sanity, self-esteem, and self-control. YOU CAN! ---------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Learn and believe the truth about #Hijackals...and that means, knowing they will not change even though they pretend to for short periods when their afraid they'll lose you.Make a firm decision to leave, and remember why you made it.Minimize contact and conversation...even if you're still living in the same house.Debrief with an expert, instead of debating with your about to be ex.Know What You Want and Stick to Your Guns!!! If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #parentalalienation #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist

5 Co-Parenting Hacks for Raising Healthy, Happy Children with a Difficult Ex

2019-05-1800:26:27

Don't make your children feel like pawns, messengers, or casualties of your divorce! In a perfect world, after divorce, your children would only know that life is more peaceful with two homes, and that they miss the way things used to be with both parents in the home. (Of course, if there was a lot of tension, bickering, and anger, they won't miss that at all!) When you co-parent well, you eliminate exposing the children to adult issues. Right? I sure hope you said "Yes!" Children have enough upset to content with when parents separate. It's enough to deal with moving, losing time with their friends, missing the non-custodial parent, feeling uncertain about what's going on, and not have the right things in the right house at the right time. These are kid concerns! FIVE GOAL/AFFIRMATIONS TO KEEP TOP-OF-MIND WHEN CO-PARENTING: I am the model I want my children to follow. Therefore, everything I do and say demonstrates who I want my children to strive towards becoming.I communicate with my ex in the way I wish for him/her to communicate with me. I choose collaboration and conversation, over conflict and acrimony. (Listen to today's episode for how this works with #Hijackals!)I focus on my children and what keeps them healthy--physically, mentally, and emotionally. That includes doing what is in their best interests first. I turn my attention from what I don't like about my ex to what s/he does well for the children. It's about the kids, not what my personal issues are with my ex.I allow my children to enjoy their childhoods and ensure they're only concerned with age-appropriate thoughts, feelings and actions. I protect them from being pawns, messengers, or casualties of my divorce. Now, those are just for you. A #Hijackal ex may make them VERY difficult, and I've talked about this in today's episode, at length. ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Today's episode offers insights into the crazy-making minds of narcissists, narcissistic #Hijackals, anti-social people, and drama queens...and, of course, drama kings.Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you must keep the best interests of the children top of mindGoal Affirmations for you (see above)Value of communicating with your children in age-appropriate ways onlyWhy not to discuss divorce difficulties with your children that only belong between you and your exIf you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #parentalalienation #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist

What Do You Mean I'm Not the Center of Your Universe???

2019-05-0700:28:40

#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, demanding people--NEED to be the center of the attention, the star of the show, the center of your Universe. And, they have to come first. You, then, are expected to be their adoring, validating audience, clapping at the least of their ideas. Exhausting, and inappropriate...at the least! Whether they take center stage by being charming, or by being nasty, doesn't matter to them, as long as they occupy that space and garner your attention. #Hijackals® believe that life should revolve around them, their needs, wants, thoughts, feelings, and desires. NO! That's not true. But, have you been falling into step with what they want? Time to re-assess! Yes, she can be charming, alluring, and magnetic.Yes, he can be amusing, engaging, and promising. But. it's all about them. That's not a recipe for a healthy relationship. It's toxic! Is this sounding familiar? If so, it's time for a change. It's time for a clear look at what's really going on, and decide if you're ready to do something that is healthier for you. ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.You will find yourself blamed for things that couldn't possible be your fault. You'll be told how you feel, and it will be completely wrong. You'll be told what you think, and no one every asked you. Sound familiar? That's how #Hijackals roll.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Today's episode offers insights into the crazy-making minds of narcissists, narcissistic #Hijackals, anti-social people, and drama queens...and, of course, drama kings. Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why #Hijackal must blame and find faultWhy that blame is all coming your wayDestructive patterns you can notice right now, and move away fromOne BIG STRATEGY to do right away to change things positively...if possible.If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #emotionalsafety #selfcenteredpeople #narcissistsworldview #overcomingnarcissisticabuse

Boomerang of Blame: Why Narcissistic People Make It All Your Fault

2019-04-2800:21:45

"It's crazy-making! No matter how wrong s/he is, it's always my fault!" Have you ever said that about a parent, partner, ex, friend, sibling, co-worker? Infuriating! Frustrating! Endless! It has to stop. And, unfortunately, that's up to you. A #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person with narcissistic, anti-social, borderline or histrionic behaviors--will never entertain the remote possibility that s/he has made a mistake, or is wrong. Right? Nasty! #Hijackals have been damaged in ways that cause them to be hyper-vigilant, always on the look out to defend themselves against blame. Even when there is nothing to guard themselves against, they make up things. Have you experienced this? If you're with a #Hijackal you certain will know what I'm talking about! Blame becomes a pre-occupation for Hijackals. Their immediate response is to reject it or deflect it. That means it's coming back your way. Hence, the Boomerang of Blame. ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.You will find yourself blamed for things that couldn't possible be your fault. You'll be told how you feel, and it will be completely wrong. You'll be told what you think, and no one every asked you. Sound familiar? That's how #Hijackals roll.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Today's episode offers the ONE BIG STRATEGY you need to employ first to repel the Boomerang of Blame. Yes, I know. It's not fair that you have to be the one who employs all the strategies to make the relationship bearable. But, you need to be safe, and that's up to you to do everything you can to make happen. Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why #Hijackal must blame and find faultWhy that blame is all coming your wayDestructive patterns you can notice right now, and move away fromOne BIG STRATEGY to do right away to change things positively...if possible.If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #emotionalsafety #Boomerangofblame #refusingblame #mustberight #narcissistsmustberight

How to Know If You're Emotionally Safe in Your Relationship

2019-04-2100:26:04

Do you bend over backwards to keep people happy? Do you try to live up to other people's expectations? If you answered "Yes" to either of those, you may be accepting a relationship that is actually emotionally unsafe for you. It may be a toxic relationship! Another way to know if you need to question your emotional safety is to recognize that you fell in love with someone who swept you off your feet, and seemed absolutely perfect, and now, you find yourself with a person who puts you down and wears you down to the point of exhaustion. That's what #Hijackals do! They "get" you with the picture of perfection, and keep you in a private place of pain, sadly enough. (If you're wondering if you're with a #Hijackal, get my free gift for you: my ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal, HERE. )Did you fall in love with a person who was so amazing that you thought you'd been blessed with a soulmate? Then, did you find the relationship deteriorating into something more like being cursed with a cellmate? You want--and need--to listen to today's episode. It can change everything! ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.You will find yourself blamed for things that couldn't possible be your fault. You'll be told how you feel, and it will be completely wrong. You'll be told what you think, and no one every asked you. Sound familiar? That's how #Hijackals roll. No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal! Today's episode offers deep food for thought about your emotional safety. Most people who are with toxic people really want to believe that what's happening is not true. You make excuses for their behavior. You justify and rationalize it. Now's the time to recognize it for what it is: bad behavior from a person who will never give you the love you want and deserve. Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and take it all in. It could be your ticket to a much more peaceful life.And, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in every room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognize there are people in the world who want and need power over youRecognize if you're with an emotionally unsafe person, a #HijackalAnais Nin: "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." How to know if you are emotionally unsafe: 5 questions to ask yourselfDon Catherall: "One partner can say something stupid, and the other person ignores it or doesn't look at it as significant. There's a level of trust. But when they lose that safety, everything has the potential to flare up. They stop taking things at face value or giving each other the benefit of the doubt."Destructive patterns you can notice right now, and move away from You have the right to be emotionally safe! If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #emotionalsafety #emotionallysafe #keepmyselfsafe

Stop Lying to Yourself! Some People Will NEVER Change.

2019-04-1500:26:23

People can drive you crazy, right? Toxic people are best at it. And, yet, you might still be telling yourself that you can change them. Is that true...even a little bit? Everyone has bad days. Everyone goes through rough patches. You've been there yourself. Someone you care about is overwhelmed or stress to the point of snippy-ness or name-calling. It's surprising and annoying, but you understand. Why? Because it only happens once in a blue moon! But #Hijackals®, those relentless difficult people, they want to suck you in, use you, and spit you out, right? They're motto seems to be, "Come closer. Stay away." Crazy-making! It's time to recognize--and realize down to your toes--that you cannot change a narcissist, or a person with narcissistic behaviors. You cannot! You could stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a year, and it wouldn't do anything but make that person think that they had a wonderful degree of control over you! Not the result you wanted, right? ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level. ----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not. Why? The Hijackal has to be on top of any pile, the one getting the credit, and in the meantime, discrediting or tearing you down. Sad AND crazy-making! People with narcissistic traits do it. People with anti-social behaviors do it. People who have histrionic traits--the drama kings and drama queens--do it. People with borderline personality traits do it. Today's episode offers 7 things you may be noticing--or should be noticing--that will tell you clearly that you're in a #Hijackal relationship. You'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too. Listen to today's episode, and take it all in. It could be your ticket to a much more peaceful life.And, if by chance, you're wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in ever room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: Recognize your tendency to make excuses for a difficult person's bad behavior How a #Hijackal twists your words, and how s/he twists your relationship 7 Red flags you may have missed that you need to see How being with a #Hijackal erodes self-confidence Why it is essential to see these traits NOW, and take action. If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #jealousyisfear #jealousyruinsrelationship

How to Know If Your Jealousy is Low-Key Killing Your Relationship

2019-04-0600:25:49

Jealous? That's a big issue that can easily cause major relationship problems! Have you already learned that? Are you ready to stop repeating that mistake? Great! Jealousy is the green, fire-breathing monster that is lying in wait to devour your relationships, and hurt your heart. When you want to stop living in fear of being hurt, you can. I can help. You want to be free of jealousy because it uses far too much energy with no good return on that investment. Are you suspicious?Are you accusatory?Are you smothering?Are you too often blaming and shaming?Are you tired of living with all that fear? I hope so. It's too hard on you...and quite unnecessary. You may not know that yet, but it's true. It's unnecessary. Dr. Phil is correct when he says, "Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control." Do you see that? It's just what you don't want to happen to you, right? You don't want someone who has a need for power and control over you. But, your jealousy may be a misguided effort to have power and control over another human. That's TOO MUCH WORK! ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. You can't have that when you're jealous. You're too involved with your fears about what another person may be doing. You're actually giving away your time, energy, and well-being to an idea that may not be true. Now, that doesn't sound like something you want to do any longer, does it? Listen to today's episode, and take it all in. It could be your ticket to a much more peaceful life. And, if by chance, you're wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in ever room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognize that you are jealous for a reason that likely has no relationship to your current relationshipFear of being abandoned can run--and ruin--your lifeQuestions you need to ask yourself about your jealousyWhy you may be afraid you're being cheated onWhat you need to think about to stop the green-eyed monster from ruining your life and relationshipYAY! Step up today and don't let anyone put you down ever again. OK?If you need help with this, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #jealousyisfear #jealousyruinsrelationship