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Save Your Sanity

Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. 


Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. Many Hijackals have behaviors that are consider the same as those who are diagnoses as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder.


These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

90 Episodes
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How to Recognize Hijackals®. Their Patterns, Traits & Cycles
HIJACKALS®! They exist! You've likely met one or two. Most everyone has. There is no real need for a diagnosis. The Hijackal will not subject him or herself to one, anyway. After all, s/he is perfect, right? All you really need to have is the ability to clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of these relentlessly difficult people, and know what to do to not become their prey! They are emotional predators. I created and trademarked this term, #Hijackals, to give you a way to easily talk about the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people in your life, and in a non-clinical way. After all, what you need is to know what to do when you're in a relationship with one, right? That begins with clearly being able to identify a toxic person's behaviors, and know that there are those patterns. That's helpful! Hijackals like to push you away. They do their upmost to push your buttons...or, at least, it sure feels that way. You might be surprised to learn today that they are really doing that for other reasons than driving you to drink! Not only do they like to shove you away, but they also then make you wrong for going, and then demand that you stay. Crazy-making! That's why today's episode is so important to clearly seeing what's really going on! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why "overgiving" to a Hijackal is a really bad ideaWhy difficult people can't see what they're doing, even when you point it outWhy Hijackals have such a need for power and controlDr. Shaler's definition of her term, Hijackals®: "People who hijack relationships--for their own purposes--while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control." Know one now? I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork
How Childhood Emotional Neglect May be Adversely Affecting Your Relationships
UNDERSTANDING THE IMPACT OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT.If it happened to you, it can affect all areas of your life and relationships.THE GOOD NEWS: You can heal and we'll talk about this later in the episode with my guest.DR. JONICE WEBB, Author of the first book written on Childhood Emotional Neglect ( CEN )First, though, I invite you to answer this question:"Do you recognize what emotional abuse of children is? It's much more than you might think."Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person. Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation or denial. Therefore, emotional abuse is simply any abuse that is emotional rather than physical.It can include belittling, discounting, manipulating the emotions of another and constant criticism. It can be less obvious than that, such as continuous disapproval, or the refusal to ever be pleased by another in any way.It can be engaging children in age-inappropriate behavior, or engaging in age-inappropriate confidences. When a parent tries to engage a child to take his/her side against the other parent, this is emotional abuse.Emotional abuse of children is often more subtle than the systematic wearing away of their self-esteem and self-confidence. Emotional abuse cuts to the core of their being, creating scars, impressions and perceptions that are far deeper and longer-lasting than physical ones. An attempt to distort or undermine a child’s perception of the world is emotional abuse.  In today's episode, I've given a very clear example of a situation that might not sound abusive on first hearing, but, once you've listened to this, you'll see things differently!GUEST: Dr. Jonice Webb, author of the first books ever on Childhood Emotional NeglectJonice Webb, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, speaker, blogger, and best-selling author. Dr. Webb wrote the first book ever written about Childhood Emotional Neglect, and is recognized worldwide as the pioneer of Childhood Emotional Neglect, CEN .Dr. Webb is dedicated to bringing awareness of the power of Childhood Emotional Neglect to people everywhere. She is the author of Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships.Were you ever shamed for having emotions in your early life? That's a prime example of a type of Childhood Emotional Neglect. You may never have thought about it in those terms, and today's episode will bring much more than this to light for you.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Wondering why you may downplay your own needs and not ask for much?If you've experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect, how do you become more confident?Why you may still be tamping down your anger?What is the connection between Childhood Emotional Neglect, and troubles in relationships?How can a person who has experienced CEN begin to get in greater touch with their emotions?What are the likely impact of CEN in an adult's life?I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #ChildhoodEmotionalNeglect #CENs #DrJoniceWebb #Emotionalneglect
Why Too Few Boundaries Allow Too Much Drama
Constant drama in one of your relationships? Are you frustrated and resentful, but unsure how to change things? Do you fool yourself by making excuses for the other person's poor, damaging, or degrading behaviors? No more, OK? You will feel SO much better when you are confident that you can: set boundaries express your boundaries maintain your boundariesset consequences for trampled boundariesfollow-through on the consequencesRight? Of course. If you had a #Hijackal parent, you are used to having your boundaries trampled. You likely wonder if you know anything different! That's because all Hijackals® believe that things should be their way or the highway. How dare you have a point of view, or a desire for something different than they want you to have! And, how about name-calling? NO! That's not OK at all. How do you stop it? In today's episode I use stopping name-calling as an example to take you through the steps to setting boundaries, through to following through on the consequences of trespassing a personal boundary. Follow these steps, and you'll soon be more comfortable with creating boundaries.What's the pay-off? Less drama over time! Whoo- hoo! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why constant drama may feel comfortably uncomfortable to youWhy you may be hoping too much that the person really loves youSteps to setting and express clear boundariesWhen you need to set consequencesEmpowering yourself to be assertive I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time. Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat! You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotional abuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #boundaries #settingboundaries #toomuchdrama #stopthedrama #name-calling
Real Grown-Ups Don't Fight Because They Know These Three Things
Emotional grown-ups don't fight. Kids and needy adults fight. You don't want to be one of those, so a few essential tips for you in today's episode. Fighting is what kids do. They do it because they are trying to establish boundaries, power, and a sense of who they are. They don't know yet. Their skills are almost non-existent, except for what they have seen the adult in their lives do. Were those good models? Hmmmm....You don't want to fight, right? So, today, I'm suggesting you do these three big things to stay out of the fray. You know fighting never works. You might feel like to "really told him off," or, "I told it like it is," but did it really accomplish anything?Fighting with a #Hijackal is an absurdity, really. You can't get anywhere, and you don't feel better in the end. So, don't do it! Sure, for a few minutes, you feel like you got rid of a bunch of pent-up anger, and you needed to get a whole lot off your chest. BUT, what is the result? Did anything really change, especially did anything change for the better? Not likely.You need to be very clear within yourself about who you want to be and how you want to express yourself. Communicating clearly will empower you, I promise.So, these three things I talk about in today's episode are the very best starting places. Promise! You matter! You deserve to be emotionally safe, so be sure you're the emotionally mature one, OK? HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why fighting lacks emotional maturity. Not a surprise, really, right?Why #Hijackals enjoy the fightThree things you need to work out for yourself that will help you be assertiveHow to improve your self-confidence when things need to be saidWhy you cannot get anywhere with a #Hijackal by fightingI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp Weekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time. Ask your question! You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotional abuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #emotionalmaturity #overcominganger #nofighting
Are You Being Realistic About the Potential for Violence in Your Family?
I know, you don't want to believe that that person who said they loved you--or, that person who gave birth to you--will ever really hurt you...like in go to the hospital, or the morgue hurt you, right? You want to believe that they really love you, even though they only behave that way when they really want something from you. Sometimes, they also behave that way when things are going VERY well for them in life. BUT, usually, they are unpredictably frustrated, angry, raging, or giving you the silent treatment. THESE ARE SERIOUS #HIJACKALS®! When you hear about violence perpetrated in so many ways in the world--shootings, wars, subway "pushers", rape, beatings, I hope it is a wake-up call. Have a look at your life with a Hijackal and think about the possibility of violence. There may be none, and I hope that's the truth for you. However, many people simply don't want to look at that possibility of violence, and do nothing. I want you to stay safe, so today, I'm talking about something that really needs to be talked about, thought about, and recognized for what it is: that potential for violence. In this episode, I ask you six questions that you are best to think about long before too much anger erupts. PLEASE listen! Listen for yourself. Listen for a friend who may be in a volatile situation. Invite him or her to listen. Maybe, it will be a wake-up call! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Are you hiding your head in the sand about the potential for violence in a relationship in your life?Are you in denial about someone's behavior?Who you need to talk with about this and whyWhy you need to hold on to this truth: #Hijackals are not driven by logicHow a Hijackal's search for significance in life has gone terribly wrongYour best next steps. I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotional abuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #familyviolence #domesticviolence #denialofabuse
How Passive-Aggressive Behavior is Actually Emotional Abuse
Do you have a person in your life that is crazy-making? S/he promises to do something, and then somehow forgets?Or, a person who procrastinates regularly, then wants to make it your fault--or the weather's--that things don't get done? Then, you'll want to listen to this episode on the actual emotional abuse that happens when you are often experiencing someone else's passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behavior is covert. Stealthy even! You're not really sure when or if you were hit, or when you might be again. It catches you off-guard, and causes you to question your sanity. You think: "Didn't s/he agree to do this? I'm sure that's the case. Yet, now that it is not done when promised, s/he is telling me I should never have expected them to do it!" Crazy-making! Passive-aggressive people are fearful of competition, conflict, dependency, and yes, intimacy. It's like their behavior is pushing you away, while their words ask you to stay. Confusing! Do you have someone in your life who can make chaos out of thin air? Could be passive-aggressive traits that are making you crazy? Listen today. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How do I know if a person is passive-aggressive?Where most passive-aggressive behavior comes from within an individualCrazy-making effects of being around passive-aggressive behaviors for longWhy passive-aggressive people delight in their ability to create chaosHallmarks of the passive-aggressive personality I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotional abuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #verbalabusers #passiveaggressive
Steps to Stopping Verbal Violence in Your Work Life
Verbal Violators in any work situation make working together next to impossible. At a minimum, they make you cringe, avoid, and prefer to take sick days over going to work.In my book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work, I talk about folks who commit "malpractice of the mouth!" Those are verbal violators, verbal abusers. These folks have control issues that lead to anger issues that lead to rage and lack of reason. And, they think they're right.You know that I talk about my term, Hijackals®. Those are the difficult, the relentlessly difficult people in life who just have to run everything, including their mouths! Well, you meet them at work, too.In today's episode, I'm giving you some thoughts on how to proceed when you're around folks whose "mouths enrage before their minds engage" as I say in Wrestling Rhinos.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Three things that definitely cause verbal violence to eruptTwo things that must happen to make the working environment safe for allWhat to do if you are the violatorHow to speak up and set boundaries if you're being violatedI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #verbalabusers #verbalviolence #conflictmanagement #angermanagement
How to Spot a Hijackal. Crazy-Making Things Narcissists Do
Is your relationship one-sided? Are you wondering if it's you? Does your partner have to "win" always? Is everything your fault? You're already confused, just the way a Hijackal® wants you to be. A Hijackal is a person who behaves in ways that are common to people considered to have narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, or antisocial behavior patterns. I created the term, Hijackals, so that you would have a way of talking about the behaviors without trying to make a diagnosis. You simply need to know the signs so that you clearly know what's really going on in your relationship.Hijackals love to reel you in with what is called "love-bombing." They have the ability to seem to be all that you ever wanted, your perfect partner, your soulmate. Then, once you've committed to them--and, oh, they're fast to want you to move in, marry, get pregnant--so that they can give up their false front and go back to being their real selves. Nasty, right?For today's episode, I'm reading my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal, which you can download HERE. You know if you're with a toxic, difficult person. Believing it is another matter. Most good people actually hope and believe that they can be more loving, kind, compassionate, patient, forgiving, compromising, ______, and then the HIjackal will change. S/he will change because they will finally believe they are loved.NO! It doesn't work that way. Hijackals simply always want more...until you are worn down, torn down, and put down and there is nothing left of you, your self-esteem, or self-confidence.LISTEN TO THIS OVER AND OVER AND LET IT SINK WAY IN! It could be that you had a HIjackal parent, and all this bad behavior on the part of a current partner or ex seemed somehow normal. NO! It isn't. HINT: Listen again if you need to.I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/ESCCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork
What to Say When a Hijackal Says You're Being Overly Sensitive
Oh, that's crazy-making, right?You try to talk about your feelings and you get shut down?In today's episode, I give you insights into this whole nasty process of being blamed for being overly sensitive when you're actually speaking up for yourself when attacked.You know what I'm talking about. IT HURTS!Are you told that you're being overly sensitive too often? Hijackals® can be brutal. Nothing can be their fault, so everything has to be yours. When they want to put you down, and keep you down, they tell you how hopeless, useless, and worthless you are in SO many nasty, overt AND underhanded ways, right?And, when you speak up for yourself, they tell you that you are overly sensitive, that you have a thin skin.Or, the worst, that they were just kidding! You know so well they were not, but you also know that they take absolutely no responsibility for anything they do or say, so everything has to be your fault.Speak up for yourself, and a #Hijackal will say anything to squish you like a gnat! Today, I'm giving you insights into this nasty behavior, and a very good practice for how to respond effectively...over time.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why telling you constantly that you're overly sensitive is abusiveWhat's really going on this dynamic between you at that timeWhat to practice saying to yourself to get ready to respond wellHow to speak up effectively for yourself...and, it works!I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/ESCCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #communication #overlysensitive #speakuptoabuse #highlysensitive
6 Better Ways to Communicate Than the Dreaded Silent Treatment
Has your partner every just stopped talking to you when things weren't going his or her way? Or, when you weren't doing exactly as s/he wanted?And, then, the next things: THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT! The silent treatment is punishing, punitive, and often the way a person who wants power over you thinks they can control you. Sometimes, though, that other person--or, maybe, you--don't have the skills or confidence to manage conflict in any other way.Why do people use the silent treatment?They want to demonstrate power over youThey think you'll give in if they hold out long enoughThey want to punish you by withholding love or intimacy of any kindThey lack skills to communicate about difficult things...and they won't risk trying.They are afraid they'll lose, so they don't start the conversation.Any of those sound familiar?It's not uncommon for people to get scared, and then, get very defensive. That often even escalates into anger. Things can get very touchy!People will react in out-of-proportion ways when they are feeling their self-worth is attacked, or in jeopardy. That's often when they pull of that move: the dread silent treatment! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:You can learn better ways to communicate whether you do the silent treatment, or you're on the receiving endFind out what's driving that silent treatmentFind the willingness to listen without judgment or defensivenessWhat emotionally mature people do when conflict arisesI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to a Emotional Savvy Circlemy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/ESCCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #stress #self-care #emotionaldistress
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