Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

The #Hijackal Trap usually closes slowly. At first, everything seems rosy, wonderful, and just what you've always longer for. Then, it starts to close. Narcissistic behavior is crafty! You want to believe what you fell in love with was true, so you rationalize, justify, and excuse red flag behaviors. Did you do that? Are you doing that? That will keep you trapped! In this episode, I walk you through more than eight clear signs and symptoms that you are caught in the #Hijackal Trap, and hopefully, you'll see them clearly. Once you see them, you can make better decisions for yourself...and, for your children. Until you see them, you may think everything is your fault. At least, that's what the Hijackal has been telling you, right? When someone tells you something negative about the person who has caused you to listen to this, do you instantly jump to their defense? Or, do you make it all your fault? These are signs you are in the #HijackalTrap Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.com Listen in, and subscribe.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How does it feel to be caught in the #Hijackal® Trap?What are the behaviors that #Hijackals use to trap you? Why it's not your fault, no matter what a Hijackal tells you.Are you caught up in defending your abuser?What about the #gaslighting ? How wanting to be a good person can trip you up in the Hijackal Trap. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#traumabonding #gaslighting #defendingabuser #narcissisticvictimsyndrome #hijackaltrap #secondguessingmyself #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Have you heard the term, coercive control? You may not have as it's just slowly coming to awareness. And, it is SO important that it does! Coercive control is life-sucking! That's why I've chosen to give you an understanding of the many aspects of coercive control in today's episode. Evan Stark, PhD, coined the term"coercive control" and he defines it this way,"...an ongoing pattern of domination by which male abusive partners primarily interweave repeated physical and sexual violence with intimidation, sexual degradation, isolation, and control."Does any of that sound like something that has happened to you? He writes about men because he says that coercive control is a 'gendered' issue, He writes about this in his paper, Re-Presenting Battered Women: Coercive Control and the Defense of Liberty.He says,"The primary outcome of coercive control is a condition of entrapment that can be hostage-like in the harms it inflicts on dignity, liberty, autonomy, and personhood as well as to physical and psychological integrity."Does this sound familiar in any way to you? Have you felt degraded, diminished, discounted, and devalued by a toxic partner, one of those folks I call #Hijackals®?Listen in, and subscribe. --------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is coercive control?Why it is a 'gendered' issue?Why law enforcement as too often failed to look at the repeating patterns of non-physical abuse.How intimidation fits into coercive abuse.Why you need to really understand how destructive this and how it breaks you down over timeWhy documenting the things that are said, done, and left undone in the relationship is SO important You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

So often, clients and members ask me if the relentless difficult, toxic people in their lives are that way on purpose.Followed closely by the question: does s/he want to hurt me?Have you wondered if your mean, blaming partner wants to hurt you?Did you have a #Hijackal parent who told you you were unwanted, or never good enough?Are you in a toxic relationship now?#Hijackals are made, not born. A baby may start life with some leanings, but it's the people in their lives and in the world around them as they gron that influence and teach them how to survive. If you have a #Hijackal parent, you will have had lessons in being unsafe, dismissed, invalidated, and at fault. That's what Hijackal parents do.#Narcissists get offended easily, don't they? #Narcissists are hypersensitive to disrespect, disloyalty, or anyone they think is trying to take something from them. Because they really have no interest in your needs, wants, feelings, or thoughts, they are also not concerned about you. They only care about themselves.Similarly, narcissistic people don't care much about their children's feelings or needs. They care that they APPEAR to be good parents to the community, but they often do little to BE good parents to their children. I know. It's hard to believe that, but it's too often the truth. Hijackals are only interested in the children reflecting well on them, not on providing stability, love, direction, and care to them.So, do they intentionally hurt you? Do they do nasty things on purpose? Listen in, and recognize these truths.--------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What happened in early life to create narcissistic tendenciesAre #Hijackals self-aware?Why toxic people are actually insecureHealthier ways to manage toxic relationshipsKeeping yourself safe ...and your childrenMaking sound decisions about relationshipYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#intentionallyhurt #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Stop playing these shady, passive-aggressive games! Right? It's not that easy.In this episode, you'll hear three better ways for you to bring clarity to a conversation that is going down that shady, #passiveaggressive path. If you have a relationship with someone--a friend, parent, sibling, partner, co-worker--whose weapon of choice is a passive-aggressive remark or behavior, you know just what I'm talking about in today's episode. Their comment hits you and, at first, it almost sounds logical, and maybe even justified. But, then you realize that you're confused and strangely annoyed...and, it all happened in a split second. Passive-aggressive strike! What a passive-aggressive person says is not neutral. It's charged with underlying anger, often in the form of resentment or entitlement that the speaker may not even recognize or admit to. That anger is often hidden in the way the words are delivered. Sometimes, it's served up while the person looks you straight in the eyes, defying you to make a fuss. Is this at all familiar? Then, these three ways to respond that can slowly put an end to either the passive-aggressive behavior, or to them thinking they are ever going to get away with it, will help you. ----------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Passive-aggressive words and behaviors are sneaky ways of trying to exert power over you.Why when one person stops playing the passive-aggressive game, the game has to end.Why you need to speak up How to speak up You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#passiveaggressive #stopsneakybehavior #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

I know. You don't want to be accused, or accuse yourself, of abandoning a person. You especially don't want to be accused of abandoning a person in need. #Hijackals are always in need: in need of you to use, misuse, and abuse. Does that make you want to stay? I hope not. Would you tell your best friend to stay in a situation like yours? Hmmmm....pause for thought, right? I'm Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and I work with individuals and couples from many countries through videoconferencing and I say: "You cannot remain in a strained relationship with no conceivable healthy future out of a sense of duty, obligation, shame, or guilt." Do you understand that? Will you allow yourself to believe that? Will you, then, entertain the idea that guilt, obligation, and duty are NOT reasons to stay in an unhealthy relationship? I hope so. Today's episode is a little hard-hitting--maybe--but that may be what you need today. You may be in the excuse-making business, and there is no profit in that. Got that? THERE IS NO PROFIT IN THE EXCUSE-MAKING BUSINESS! I want the best for you, and I'm here to help. If you want to talk with me directly one-to-one go to BeAClient.com now. ----------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you may be reluctant to leave a difficult personWhy you make excuses for another person's behavior too longSteps to take to making clear decisions about a relationshipHow to know when it's time to foldWhy you're not a bad person when you want to leave a person who treats you badlyUnderstanding the needs of a #narcissist to win You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#stayingoutofguilt #leavinganarcissist #whyleaveanarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Parents who were emotionally available, perceptive, and responsive to you, to your needs and mental states, are a great gift! They tend to provide you with attachment that is secure. This is an excellent foundation for a healthy emotional life. Parents who were emotionally unavailable, or inconsistently available, perceptive or response to your needs, and tended to intrude their own states of mind onto you as a tiny child, could create what is called a "resistant, ambivalent, or anxious attachment" to others. This is an excellent breeding ground for an unhealthy emotional life. And, in particular, sets the stage for personality distortions in later life. So, that person whom you met when they were an adult--a partner, ex, parent, co-worker--was already pre-disposed to their outwardly self-important, prone to pomposity, self-adoration, and annoyingly entitled behaviors long before you can along. You can't change them. They don't want to change. They see no need to change. Got it?Good! Let yourself off the hook. ------------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What attachment theory is How attachment theory helps explain the basic nature of people in relationshipsSecure attachment is healthy Avoidant attachment is dismissiveAnxious,attachment, ambivalent attachment is preoccupiedDisorganized attachment is unresolved Why a Hijackal's behavior is not your faultWhy you cannot change a #HijackalYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#attachment #attachmenttheory #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Don't kid yourself! Your "silences" speak volumes! I work with people whose relationships are in crisis for so long, and their hope that not speaking up about things that are bothering them mostly does more damage than anything. Suffering in silence can be the exact opposite of healthy living. It's a poor--and often highly toxic--approach to relationship issues. It's possible that folks who button up and bottle up recall prior negative experiences associated with speaking out. Things just didn't go well, or the result crushed them. Now, they don't want to risk their self-esteem, or the relationship. Here's a HUGE, glaring mistake, too: Too many people talk to their kids about their frustrations with their partners. I'll talk about this more in the episode. But, know that here's the rule: DON'T DO THIS...unless your kids are fully functioning adults with enough relationship experience to have a healthy conversation. Why do quiet, seemingly nice people kill their spouses? One reason is that they "suffered in silence" until they really needed to say something or burst. They burst! Don't let that be you! ------------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:why it is not wise to bottle things uphow resentment builds and rationality reduceswhere you may have got the idea that suffering in silence is in any way wisewhy it is imperative not to include your children in conversation about your partnerwhy getting help is a sign of strength: getting help does not mean you've failedYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#nomoresufferinginsilence #sufferinginsilence #silencedamagerelationships #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Any chance you've been walking on eggshells around someone in your life?A parent, partner, sibling, friend, ex?If so, there a good chance you're going to recognize some of their abusive behaviors in today's episode.In fact, you may learn--and you may not want to--that, you're experiencing what I call an "emotional terrorist!:You need to know this, even if you'd prefer not to. I know, who wants to think they know or love any kind of a terrorist, right?Who wants to think they've fallen in love with one, either? Right! No one.You deserve to be loved, appreciated, acknowledged, known, accepted, and heard...just as I write about in my book, Kaizen for Couples. It's important that you not settle for less. Are you in?Well, first let's find out if you're with an emotional terrorist, or, were raised by one. That's the start, and that's what today's episode will give you.--------------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:8 signs you're experiencing an emotional terroristhow to recognize the signs of emotional terrorismwhy you might not want to, but truly need to, accept what's really going on in your relationshiphow recognizing these now can avoid violence later BIG DEAL!!!if you recognize these in your relationship, it's time to leave. OK?You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#hypervigilant #emotionalterrorist #signsofsociopaths #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

Do you have a feeling that what's going on in your relationship is less than honest, and yet, you feel strangely like you're not doing enough?You may well be with a covert narcissist!Even for me, working with couples all over the world, it takes longer to identify covert narcissism in a person, and in a relationship, than with other demonstrations of narcissism.Why? Because it is sneaky, under-handed, passive, and plays on your heart strings more than overt or malignant narcissism. It takes longer to be sure that's what's playing out. And, when I'm working with a couple, I want to be sure...and, so do you, I know.Covert narcissists play the victim, misunderstood and under-valued in their own minds. It's all a manipulation, but that's what they want to believe. They feel as entitled as overt narcissists, but, they don't express it in the same ways.Are you with someone who is always the victim?Does s/he tell you that they never are valued, or seen for who they really are?Does that person try to keep you feeling sorry for them?Do you feel like you are the caretaker of their self-esteem and self-confidence?These can be very clear signs of covert narcissism, especially when they are all present. Of course, there are many more signs, and I've put as many in today's episode as I could in the time available. You'll be able to get a good sense if you're with a covert narcissist....finally. And, it will be a big relief, I'm guessing!Listen in, and see if what's keeping you feeling like you're supposed to be the cheerleader for a permanent underdog is really covert narcissism.--------------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What covert narcissists doHow covert narcissism is easy to missWhy covert narcissism is hard to identifyHow covert narcissism shows up in your daily relationshipWhy covert narcissists make you second-guess yourself and err on the side of empathyWhy covert narcissists are particularly crazy-making, yet make you stay longerYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#covertnarcissists #sneakynarcissism #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles #emotionalabuse

Abuse in any form is bad news: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse. All bad!And, you need to know what intimate terrorism is because it has the most dire consequences.Domestic violence is a term you're likely familiar with. You may not think of the verbal abuse as domestic violence, or the emotional abuse. It is, though. Often, it is very difficult--even more difficult now with the new wording recently changed by the current U.S. administration--to make your case for these in court. It's still domestic violence.Definition of Domestic Violence from Project-Safe.org :"Domestic violence is the illegitimate use of physical force and/or control tactics within a relations that is intimate, familiar, or cohabitating. There are several types of domestic violence, including intimate terrorism and situational couple violence." You may not yet have heard of "coercive control," either. When coupled with violence, it equals intimate terrorism, and occurs when one partner in a relationship, typically a man, uses coercive control and power over the other partner, using threats, intimidation, and isolation. Sady, this intimate partner violence may also involve all forms of abuse: verbal, emotional, sexual, economic, physical, and psychological.In this episode, I compare Intimate Terrorism with Situational Couple Violence so that you can clearly see the difference. Neither feels better than the other but Intimate Terrorism is far more dangerous.No matter how much you might want to resist listening to this, please LISTEN! It can save your life. --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing abuseRecognizing Intimate TerrorismHow Intimate Terrorism differs from Situational Couple ViolenceWhy you need to recognize intimate terrorism right this minute and take action You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#intimateterrorism #situationalcoupleviolence #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles #emotionalabuse