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Save Your Sanity from Hijackals & Other Toxic Relationships
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Save Your Sanity from Hijackals & Other Toxic Relationships

Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. 


Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. Many Hijackals have behaviors that are consider the same as those who are diagnoses as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder.


These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

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How to Know If Your Jealousy is Low-Key Killing Your Relationship
Jealous? That's a big issue that can easily cause major relationship problems! Have you already learned that? Are you ready to stop repeating that mistake? Great! Jealousy is the green, fire-breathing monster that is lying in wait to devour your relationships, and hurt your heart. When you want to stop living in fear of being hurt, you can. I can help. You want to be free of jealousy because it uses far too much energy with no good return on that investment. Are you suspicious?Are you accusatory?Are you smothering?Are you too often blaming and shaming?Are you tired of living with all that fear? I hope so. It's too hard on you...and quite unnecessary. You may not know that yet, but it's true. It's unnecessary. Dr. Phil is correct when he says, "Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control." Do you see that? It's just what you don't want to happen to you, right? You don't want someone who has a need for power and control over you. But, your jealousy may be a misguided effort to have power and control over another human. That's TOO MUCH WORK! ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. You can't have that when you're jealous. You're too involved with your fears about what another person may be doing. You're actually giving away your time, energy, and well-being to an idea that may not be true. Now, that doesn't sound like something you want to do any longer, does it? Listen to today's episode, and take it all in. It could be your ticket to a much more peaceful life. And, if by chance, you're wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in ever room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognize that you are jealous for a reason that likely has no relationship to your current relationshipFear of being abandoned can run--and ruin--your lifeQuestions you need to ask yourself about your jealousyWhy you may be afraid you're being cheated onWhat you need to think about to stop the green-eyed monster from ruining your life and relationshipYAY! Step up today and don't let anyone put you down ever again. OK?If you need help with this, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #jealousy #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #jealousyisfear #jealousyruinsrelationship
Never Go "Nose Blind" to Verbal Abuse. Smell It For What It Is!  Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Have you heard that TV ad for air freshener that implores you to notice that you may have gone "nose-blind" to the unpleasant smells in your kitchen, garbage, basement, or car? Well, I think people go "nose-blind" to verbal abuse...and, to emotional abuse, too. It's time to stop! Today, I'm talking about the ways you might be justifying the bad behavior of a #Hijackal in your life, a relentlessly difficult, usually self-centered person who wants power and control over you...always. It's not just occasional. It's a way of life for them, and they have endless expectations that you will not only allow their verbal abuse, but you'll begin to believe you deserve it. YOU DON'T!!!! If you've had a #Hijackal parent, an emotionally unavailable parent who had unreasonable expectations of you, you may subconsciously be so used to the behavior that you don't see it in all it's awfulness. You're used to it, and even though it makes you uncomfortable, it is still "comfortably uncomfortable." It's familiar. And, that can change. (And, I hope today's episode will keep you on that change train, too. ) ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles----------------------------------------------------------------------Constantly being told you are worthless, or thoughtless, or even much less, wears away self-esteem, and with it goes your self-confidence. Especially if a parent emotionally abused you, you are groomed to accept this behavior from others. You believe the abuser. Please DON'T!(Yes, I know, you don't want to think that about your parent, but you're an adult now. You need to call it what it was...and deal with it.)If you're wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in ever room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why verbal abuse may have become something you're "nose-blind" toWhy you simply cannot excuse their behavior because "they're having a bad day"Why it is NOT YOU who has to changeHow it's possible to have a wildly successful career and still be abused at homeHow to stop being "Nose blind" and wake up smell the herbal tea...lol YAY! Step up today and don't let anyone put you down ever again. OK?If you need help with this, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #recognizeverbalabuse #noexcuseforabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #beassertive
Tuning Up Your Self-Confidence After a Hijackal Tramples It - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Self-confidence! Sounds good, doesn't it? You want to have, express, and experience it, and that's not always easy after a #Hijackal has trampled it. You can become self-confident, and today's episode will give you great steps! How are you doing with your self-confidence? Has someone bashed it? Are you ready to improve your self-confidence and step out with more conscious self-love? Great. You'll love this episode!Once you're on a downward path with your self-confidence, the world seems to conspire to keep you there. You even find ways to put yourself down and keep yourself down, especially if you've been with a #Hijackal of any stripe. That Hijackal could have been your parent, sibling, or partner. Time to stop letting that person have any say in how you live your life, and especially no further say in what you are capable of doing. ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles----------------------------------------------------------------------Constantly being told you are worthless, or thoughtless, or even much less, wears away self-esteem, and with it goes your self-confidence. If you're wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up. Hijackals have to believe they are always right, and the smartest person in ever room, at all time. So, they give you false messages about yourself. Time to examine those and stop believing them. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What a Hijackal parent told you about who you are is likely nowhere near the truthListening to the opinions of others erodes your self-confidenceNo need to let people discourage you from trying new thingsHow to turn off the old voices that tell you you can't do thingsGreat quotation from e.e.cummings : Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. YAY! Step up today and don't let anyone put you down ever again. OK? If you need help with this, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs, RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two at least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #passive-aggressivepeople #passive-aggressivebehavior #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #beassertive #self-confidence #improvemyself-confidence
7 Ways to Keep Their Passive-Aggression from Driving You Nuts!  Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
You need to learn how to side-step toxic, passive-aggressive behavior, and save your sanity, right? Today's episode gives you 7 ways to do just that. Other episodes have talked about important aspects of being in relationship with a passive-aggressive person, and about what to do if you are being passive-aggressive. Now, how to protect yourself from the toxicity of passive-aggressive behavior coming from someone else! You feel the energetic hit of their toxic behavior, but strangely, most folks immediately question themselves. That's where you have to start making changes. Once you recognize the passive-aggression, you can then do things differently yourself. That's where your power lies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me. WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles ----------------------------------------------------------------------Passive-aggressive behavior is covert--stealthy, underground, and under-handed. You feel it, but you're not often certain what it is that's bothering you. Until you do! That's why I've written so much about it, and devoted several episodes to it. Once you know clearly what it is, you will feel empowered in the face of it. Maybe not immediately, but that will be the result if you step up and use these seven tips all the time. Passive-aggressive people can make chaos out of thin air. Actually, they are secretly delighted to do so. It gives them power over others. They haven't learned to approach situations, feelings, relationship, or communication directly, so they do it indirectly. Hence, the chaos! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Do not try to win or apply reason when confronting passive-aggressive behavior.Do not join in the hostility.Know your boundaries, and express and maintain them, no matter what resistance you experience.Examine what might be your fault, and own it. Reject what is not, and say so.Do not engage in blame. This only exacerbates arguments.Remember that passive-aggressive behavior coming towards you is not about you. You need help to see the patterns, because when you're a participant in the relationship, they are very hard to see. I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarsYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #passive-aggressivepeople #passive-aggressivebehavior #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork
Why Narcissistic Hijackals Seem to Find You & Why You Like Them  - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Oh, the joys of being love-bombed, right? Only you had no idea that that was what was happening!You honestly believed you had found your partner, your person, your soulmate, the person who knew you so well, and could anticipate your needs. You just knew you'd be happy forever. All was well...until the "Gotcha!" That's the moment when you realized--much as you tried not to notice--that things were no longer as rosy as they seemed. You recognize that you are often being discounted, being belittled, and often, too much rage. Maybe, there is too much name-calling going on, too much blaming, too much fault-finding.And, on the flip side, there was not enough love, communication, emotional intimacy, or respect. You, if you were like most who found themselves with #Hijackals, found that you were being betrayed. Your trust was misplaced. You didn't want to believe it, so you made endless excuses and justifications for it. Now, you see it. You were raised by a #Hijackal, loved a #Hijackal, married a #Hijackal, or divorced a #Hijackal, and you now feel worn down, torn down, and just plain duped, and angry. Right? In today's episode, I help you see how this system works and why you are so attractive to Hijackal. Why you are drawn to Hijackals, even. And, once you see it clearly, you'll hopefully never unsee it again! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: How you were groomed to be attractive to narcissists, and attracted to #Hijackals, especially people with narcissistic traits Why it is not your fault, or anything you consciously did, or decided How brain development has a lot to do with it Why #Hijackal behavior somehow seems "comfortably uncomfortable" How to stop making excuses for them and see narcissistic behavior for what it isI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. Want my help? I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97. I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarsYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now! ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #identifyingabuse #callitabuse
How to Know the Difference Between a Rough Patch & Straight-Up Abuse
How many times have you heard someone--maybe on TV--say, "Oh, we're just going through a rough patch." Really? Is it? Or, is it abuse? It's SO important to know the difference, and that's what today's episode sets out to make very clear: the difference.Here's how Dictionary.com defines abuse:to use wrongly or improperlymisuseabuse one's authoritytreat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive wayto speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or aboutmalignto commit sexual assault uponharshly or coarsely insulting languagebad or improper treatmentOK...big difference from a supposed "rough patch," right?There's no getting away from it. When someone treats you in a degrading, mean, discounting, or dismissive way, it's abuse!If you don't have strong boundaries that you express and maintain, you'll turn yourself into a pretzel, and end up being a doormat. You don't want that for a moment longer, right? That's why you need to see this clearly right now, whether it is happening to you or to someone you care about.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you mustn't dismiss "bad behavior"Clear outlines of what emotional abuse and verbal abuse areWhy it is essential to express and maintain boundaries in outing abuseWhy you must never allow someone to diminish your sense of identity, dignity, or self-worthExamples of what #Hijackal abusers do that you need to recognize for what it is.#Hijackals, finances, and financial abuseI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #identifyingabuse #callitabuse
What Three Billy Goats & a Troll Have to Do with Covert Narcissists  Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Whatever has the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff got to do with covert narcissism? Just who is that troll under the bridge in the story? In your story? Let's take a look at that in today's episode of Save Your Sanity. Sad that any one has to live under a bridge, for sure. No doubt about it, the parents of a covert narcissist taught them how to do it. That's how they survived their childhoods. Unfortunately, those are the only strategies they currently have, and so....under the bridge! Covert narcissists love to live under a bridge, have a sad story to tell, and offer to "gobble you up" when you don't meet their needs. Today, I'm using this story to help illustrate how crafty covert narcissists are, how they hide in wait to pull you under! How they are lying in wait to make you wrong! Dr. Craig Malkin wrote that: "What's different about covert narcissists is that because they're introverted, they don't advertise their inflated egos." They may not advertise, but they still sell you that bill of goods. Are you feeling guilty that you can't make things right or good for someone who seems to never want to feel better? Are you exhausted from trying to show someone that they matter, and it seems they don't want to see it? You could be with a covert narcissist...or, maybe, you were raised by one. For sure, today is a good day to see what's under the bridge, and refuse to cross any more! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why your heart goes out to people who are "takers"What covert narcissists do to make you feel as though you're never doing it enough to make them feel goodWhy their constant stories of "it's not fair" or "no one ever gives me a chance" need to stop playing on your heartstringsHow covert narcissists use passive-aggressive behavior to pull you down, and pull you under the bridgeWhy you're only valued for what you can give a covert narcissist, never for who you areI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #covertnarcissist #trolls #identifycovertnarcissism
How to Recognize Hijackals®. Their Patterns, Traits & Cycles
HIJACKALS®! They exist! You've likely met one or two. Most everyone has. There is no real need for a diagnosis. The Hijackal will not subject him or herself to one, anyway. After all, s/he is perfect, right? All you really need to have is the ability to clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of these relentlessly difficult people, and know what to do to not become their prey! They are emotional predators. I created and trademarked this term, #Hijackals, to give you a way to easily talk about the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people in your life, and in a non-clinical way. After all, what you need is to know what to do when you're in a relationship with one, right? That begins with clearly being able to identify a toxic person's behaviors, and know that there are those patterns. That's helpful! Hijackals like to push you away. They do their upmost to push your buttons...or, at least, it sure feels that way. You might be surprised to learn today that they are really doing that for other reasons than driving you to drink! Not only do they like to shove you away, but they also then make you wrong for going, and then demand that you stay. Crazy-making! That's why today's episode is so important to clearly seeing what's really going on! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why "overgiving" to a Hijackal is a really bad ideaWhy difficult people can't see what they're doing, even when you point it outWhy Hijackals have such a need for power and controlDr. Shaler's definition of her term, Hijackals®: "People who hijack relationships--for their own purposes--while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control." Know one now? I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork
How Childhood Emotional Neglect May be Adversely Affecting Your Relationships
UNDERSTANDING THE IMPACT OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT.If it happened to you, it can affect all areas of your life and relationships.THE GOOD NEWS: You can heal and we'll talk about this later in the episode with my guest.DR. JONICE WEBB, Author of the first book written on Childhood Emotional Neglect ( CEN )First, though, I invite you to answer this question:"Do you recognize what emotional abuse of children is? It's much more than you might think."Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person. Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation or denial. Therefore, emotional abuse is simply any abuse that is emotional rather than physical.It can include belittling, discounting, manipulating the emotions of another and constant criticism. It can be less obvious than that, such as continuous disapproval, or the refusal to ever be pleased by another in any way.It can be engaging children in age-inappropriate behavior, or engaging in age-inappropriate confidences. When a parent tries to engage a child to take his/her side against the other parent, this is emotional abuse.Emotional abuse of children is often more subtle than the systematic wearing away of their self-esteem and self-confidence. Emotional abuse cuts to the core of their being, creating scars, impressions and perceptions that are far deeper and longer-lasting than physical ones. An attempt to distort or undermine a child’s perception of the world is emotional abuse.  In today's episode, I've given a very clear example of a situation that might not sound abusive on first hearing, but, once you've listened to this, you'll see things differently!GUEST: Dr. Jonice Webb, author of the first books ever on Childhood Emotional NeglectJonice Webb, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, speaker, blogger, and best-selling author. Dr. Webb wrote the first book ever written about Childhood Emotional Neglect, and is recognized worldwide as the pioneer of Childhood Emotional Neglect, CEN .Dr. Webb is dedicated to bringing awareness of the power of Childhood Emotional Neglect to people everywhere. She is the author of Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships.Were you ever shamed for having emotions in your early life? That's a prime example of a type of Childhood Emotional Neglect. You may never have thought about it in those terms, and today's episode will bring much more than this to light for you.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Wondering why you may downplay your own needs and not ask for much?If you've experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect, how do you become more confident?Why you may still be tamping down your anger?What is the connection between Childhood Emotional Neglect, and troubles in relationships?How can a person who has experienced CEN begin to get in greater touch with their emotions?What are the likely impact of CEN in an adult's life?I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #ChildhoodEmotionalNeglect #CENs #DrJoniceWebb #Emotionalneglect
Real Grown-Ups Don't Fight Because They Know These Three Things
Emotional grown-ups don't fight. Kids and needy adults fight. You don't want to be one of those, so a few essential tips for you in today's episode. Fighting is what kids do. They do it because they are trying to establish boundaries, power, and a sense of who they are. They don't know yet. Their skills are almost non-existent, except for what they have seen the adult in their lives do. Were those good models? Hmmmm....You don't want to fight, right? So, today, I'm suggesting you do these three big things to stay out of the fray. You know fighting never works. You might feel like to "really told him off," or, "I told it like it is," but did it really accomplish anything?Fighting with a #Hijackal is an absurdity, really. You can't get anywhere, and you don't feel better in the end. So, don't do it! Sure, for a few minutes, you feel like you got rid of a bunch of pent-up anger, and you needed to get a whole lot off your chest. BUT, what is the result? Did anything really change, especially did anything change for the better? Not likely.You need to be very clear within yourself about who you want to be and how you want to express yourself. Communicating clearly will empower you, I promise.So, these three things I talk about in today's episode are the very best starting places. Promise! You matter! You deserve to be emotionally safe, so be sure you're the emotionally mature one, OK? HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why fighting lacks emotional maturity. Not a surprise, really, right?Why #Hijackals enjoy the fightThree things you need to work out for yourself that will help you be assertiveHow to improve your self-confidence when things need to be saidWhy you cannot get anywhere with a #Hijackal by fightingI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsat least monthly insightful webinarYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp Weekly livestream show, The Doctor is In! on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time. Ask your question! You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #verbalabuse #emotional abuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #emotionalmaturity #overcominganger #nofighting
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