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Save Your Sanity

Save Your Sanity

Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. 


Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.


These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

80 Episodes
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How Conscious Self-Care Saves You So Much Stress & Distress - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Do you ever try to downplay your need for great self-care? If you're like many folks--too many folks--you likely do! You may have been raised to believe that you should be ok, power through, and need nothing. You may have been told that other people are more important than you are, and that you are a good person when you put other people first...all the time! NO! Not good. Always putting yourself at the end of your list is DEFINITELY NOT GOOD! . You may well become a tired, isolated, worn down, and resentful person, though! That's definitely not good. You see the pattern immediately, don't you? You feel tired, and then, because a parent or someone told you that you should put other people first, you push yourself well beyond your limits. You "think you should!" ARGH! No, you shouldn't. Sure, there are crises and you might have to push through, real emergencies. But, really, those are few and far between. Not much is a crisis or an emergency, but too many people live as though everything is. If you're with, or were raised by, a Hijackal, that's how they want you to think the world works. And, Hijackals® are absolutely delighted to create crisis and emergency, after disaster and destruction. Exhausting! Sounding familiar? I had to learn all this the hard way, too. You deserve to be healthy. That's your job. Do it for yourself. I'm giving you lots of food for thought this week, and next week, I'll add even more to help you think about how you really want to feel, think, live, and love.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you may not think you need to take good care of yourselfWhat does it really mean to be selfishWhy being selfish is not a bad thing when it comes to self-careMany questions to deeply think about, even journal about, to help you consider taking super good care of yourself in every wayI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to a Emotional Savvy Circlemy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/ESCCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #stress #self-care #emotionaldistress
How To Stop Walking on Eggshells - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Any chance that you're getting your exercise by walking on eggshells?That's a tense, anxiety-ridden, stressful way to get your exercise. Exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Walking on eggshells certainly won't!Whether the #Hijackal you're with is of the narcissistic, sociopathic, passive-aggressive, histrionic, or borderline variety, keeping you on edge is their specialty. When you are on edge, they feel powerful, right? That means they are scooping up your power, and it's time to stop letting them.But, how? In today's episode, I give you four BIG ways that you must stop Hijackals from taking your power. Yes, they are four "big buckets," HUGE BUCKETS, and I realize that. They are not quick or easy, but I wanted to put them into your thoughts today. I'll elaborate on each of them in further episodes, I promise.Toxic people need control! It's what feeds them, and keeps them going. You know that's true, because when they don't get it, they explode! If they are overt, they go off like a roman candle. If they are covert, they are masters of The Silent Treatment. You know these!Time for it to stop. They won't stop, so stopping is up to you!I know, it's unfair. But, it's your life, and you have to take it back.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: How to recognize the toxic behaviors of toxic peopleWhat you might be telling yourself that prevents you from putting a stop to toxic behaviors4 BIG undertakings for you to stop walking on eggshellsWhy you need to do this now: P.S. You cannot stop any younger!I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to a Emotional Savvy Circlemy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/ESCCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #stopwalkingoneggshells
What Emotional Abuse Is & Its Impact On Your Life - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person. Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation, or denial, it is abuse, emotional abuse.When you were little, your brain was still growing. You instinctively knew that you had to keep your parents--The Giants--happy so that they would feed and protect you. At least, that's what you hoped.Many children, though, are emotionally abused. As adults, they often don't really see it and its impact on their lives and relationships. Today, I want to highlight some very real forms of emotional abuse that might have just seemed normal to you. After all, that's the only childhood you had! You had nothing to compare it to. And, you may have so wanted your home to seem normal.Children are too often made to feel wrong, blamed, and not good enough. That's emotional abuse, but emotional abuse is SO much more.You need this information so that you can immediately pick up on emotional abuse from your partner, boss, parents, or even friends. Once you've become used to it, you often put up with it on all fronts. I hope today's episode will cause you to deeply recognize what's going on, or has gone on.Today's episode will give you insights into:7 kinds of emotional abuse you may not have recognized. Thanks to PreventChildAbuse.orgExamples from my practice: anonymous stories that can help you understand even moreThe impact of emotional abuse on your life and relationships that you may not have realizedThings you really need to think about that could be keeping you from living fully and freelyHow you view the world with new eyes out for spotting emotional abuse and stopping it I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK? You can have that, and:access to a Emotional Savvy Circlemy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" callsYou can get most of this for the price of one latte a month!ForRelationshipHelp.com/EmotionalSavvyCircleCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders
3 Assertive Things To Do When Your Partner or Parent Refuses to Take Responsibility with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor3 ASSERTIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY It's so infuriating, right? A difficult partner, or parent, refuses to take responsibility for anything that isn't praise-worthy. S/he will step right in if they can take credit for something good, though. But, when something goes sideways, it's all you, all your fault , right? You don't mean to, but you may well be enabling that difficult person, that #Hijackal. Enabling is something you can stop doing! That's the good news. You deserve better than a relationship that keeps you down, and supposedly responsibility for all sorts of things that you didn't do, think, or say! Today's episode will give you insights into:why Hijackals® have to make everything your faultwhat you can do within yourself to stop enabling poor behaviorwhat to say when a Hijackal makes things your fault, especially things that aren't at all.eight questions to ask yourself about the patterns in your abusive relationshipwhy it is essential to get help as soon as you canI hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY GROUP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK? You can have that: access to a Emotional Savvy Circlemy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls You can get most of this for the price of one latte a month! ForRelationshipHelp.com/EmotionalSavvyCircle CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #difficultpeople #enablingabuse #takesnoresponsibility
Trauma-Bonding: Why We Create Toxic Bonds & How to Release Them GUEST - Dr. Gary Salyer
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorTRAUMA-BONDING: Why You Create Toxic Bonds and How To Release ItA conversation between me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and Dr. Gary Salyer, author of the upcoming book, Safe to Love Again. Are you so attached to someone that you are "hooked on hope" that one day they will treat you better? That's really common, and a bit difficult to step away from, I know. That "hooked on hope" can erode into trauma-bonding.What is trauma-bonding? "the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person."*1"a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser, formed as a result of the cycle of violence."*2Now that you see those, do you relate that to what has happened to you with a partner, parent, or ex?Trauma-bonding is a real thing! And you can do something about it. That's what Dr. Gary Salyer and I discuss today. You need to know this, for yourself, your children, and your friends, too.Guest, Dr. Gary Salyer, talks about the six rights you have in life, and how having or not having them will make all the difference in creating healthy relationships. Dr. Salyer is the author of Safe to Love Again, an upcoming book that can uplift you if you've ever been deeply hurt by a relationship.More about Dr. Gary SalyerDr. Gary Salyer speaks to audiences across the country as a featured expert, inspirational speaker on how to create the love we all deserve. He is an expert in Attachment Theory, the science of relationships, Bert Hellinger's Family Systems approach and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As a master transformational relationship coach, Dr. Gary helps people re-write the rules for love in their brains.Dr. Salyer is the creator of the Safe to Love Again™ Workshop and the Extraordinary Couples™ and Extraordinary Singles™ Retreats. He is also a highly sought after guest on various podcasts, TV and radio shows such as The Aware Show on Hay House Radio.Smart, savvy, professional women in their thirties, forties and fifties who are tired of the heartache in their love lives are resonating with the message of ‘safe to love again.’ Gary’s biggest passion is to help both singles and couples discover how they can have a loving sweetheart lying beside them at night, rather than a lonely pillow or a frustrated, distant partner.Today's episode will give you insights into:why you might have been been susceptible to trauma-bondingwhat is secure attachmentwhat is insecure attachmenthow you can see more clearly and step away from your abuserwhy it is important to realize that this is emotional abuse Find Dr. Salyer at GarySalyer.com, Facebook You can pre-order his new book, Safe To Love Again, on his website. I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? BE A PATREON SUPPORTER AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #difficultpeople #enablingabuse #scaredtoleavemyabuser #DrGarySalyer*1 Samsel, Michael (2008). "Trauma Bonding". www.abuseandrelationships.org. Michael Samsel LMHC. Archived from the original on May 10, 2018*2Wendy Austin; Mary Ann Boyd. Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing for Canadian Practice. Lippincott Williams & Wilkins; 1 January 2010. ISBN 978-0-7817-9593-7. p. 67.
10 Reasons You May Have For Not Walking Away From Your Abuser
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor10 REASONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR NOT WALKING AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSERCould any of these things be true? Your relationship is bad. And, you don't want to admit it. You keep hoping that things will get better.You make excuses for your partner's outbursts.You believe your abuser when s/he says you are nothing worth having, and no one else would want you. You hang onto the last time you heard "I love you" and fool yourself that it is true. Any of these sound familiar? You're not alone. And, these aren't even the ten reasons in today's episode! Who wants to believe they are being abused? Yet, you are being abused. And, yes, that is the only word that covers it. S/he is not going through a bad time, stressed, depressed, or repressed. S/he is like that most of the time, and wants you to think it's your fault, right? Well, it isn't your fault that s/he is unhappy, nor is it your fault that they are angry, upset, yelling, stomping, or threatening.It also isn't your fault if s/he is frozen and giving you the dreaded Silent Treatment.All those are choices your partner, parent, friend, or co-worker is making in response to their lives. They could choose differently but they don't because they want to make you believe it's all your fault. And also, being Hijackals, they will take responsibility for nothing, nor be accountable for anything. So, today's episode gives you ten reasons you may be using in your head that may be keeping you in an abusive situation. Once your recognize the truth in them you can change all that. It won't be easy, but it is best. You can have a healthy life! Today's episode will give you insights into:why you don't want to recognize the abusewhat scares you about actually calling it the abuse it ishow you have been groomed to put up with the emotional abuse, and verbal abusehow the Hijackal reinforces your fears about leavingthe real facts about what's real and what's not about leavingHijackals are toxic people who create toxic relationships! It's SO important not to respond with toxicity to them. Most important reason: you won't like yourself when you do!I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? BE A PATREON SUPPORTER AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #nopayback #difficultpeople #whoareyou #enabling abuse #reasonswhyyoustay #scaredtoleavemyabuser
It Happened To Me: Divorcing a Hijackal attorney...and thriving!
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorIT HAPPENED TO ME: Today's guest, Christa, shares her story of life with--and beyond--a #Hijackal husbandThis is a special feature of Save Your Sanity. I occasionally talk on Save Your Sanity with people willing to share their stories of life with, and after, a Hijackal. That might be their parent, partner, friend, or co-worker. You can find a Hijackal in every area of life...unfortunately!Today, Christa shares her story.(P.S.If you decide to share your story, you don't have to use your real name!)Christa was married to a Hijackal for almost twenty years, and had three children. Finally, it became too much and she spent two years fighting for custody.Oops! Her husband was an attorney. I've had several clients in different parts of the world who had #Hijackal attorneys for husbands. So difficult! And, so difficult to divorce, in most cases.Christa attributes her winning to being able to have the funds and other resources to fight for custody for two years. Many people do not have the emotional and financial resources to do that. Christa was able to. She said:"The only person involved with our case who saw his side of things was his own attorney. I was granted custody but that, of course, is not the end of the story. He bribed my girls until each one of them decided to live with him. He found ways to turn them against me. He told lies to our neighbors and friends. He even called my mother and brother and told them they really didn't know me. I want to share my story so others know they can leave and reclaim their lives." Thank you, Christa. You've outlined several Hijackal Hallmarks:alienating the children with bribesbad-mouthing the other parent to make the Hijackal look goodtransgressing a basic statement in every divorce decree: not to speak poorly of the other parent to the childrencreating a smear campaign with neighbors, friends and colleagues to sway them to his side and make you look badtrying to alienate family members from you, and pretend that they have "special knowledge" of you, or say that you are unwell or unfitIf you have a story to share, please send it to me HERE if you're willing to share it. Let me know it is for the It Happened To Me segment.I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? SUPPORT MY WORK ON PATREON AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #divorcingatoxicperson #divorcinganarcissist
Angry with a Hijackal®? Why Payback Won't Work
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorANGRY WITH A HIJACKAL? WHY PAYBACK WON'T WORKHijackal behavior is outrageous, and it gets your blood boiling too often, right? They are like vampires, draining your blood. And, you just want to show 'em how it feels. And, you want them to see how much they hurt you. And, truth be told, you want them to hurt the way you are hurt. So, you think that payback will help. It doesn't, won't, and can't. News flash! They don't care about you, or your feelings. They want what they want, and that is power and control. So, when you are poised to write that poison pen letter to let them know that they cannot treat you that way, you need to think about today's episode and change your tactic. You can never be who they want you to be because that changes with the wind. You have to know who you are and be only that. Listen. Get this right down to your toes, even though it feels counter-intuitive when you're hurt and angry. I know how difficult making the shift is that I'm suggesting today. If you're still so angry you could spit wooden nickels, Let's work on that together.Today's episode will give you insights into:why responding to the hurtful ways of Hijackals takes some finessehow you can take back your powerwhere you can find your greatest strength to stop being manipulated by a #Hijackalwhy payback never works with Hijackals Hijackals are toxic people who create toxic relationships! It's SO important not to respond with toxicity to them. Most important reason: you won't like yourself when you do! I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? SUPPORT MY WORK ON PATREON AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #nopayback #difficultpeople #whoareyou Edit
Hijackal Blaming? It's Not Your Fault!
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorHIJACKAL® BLAMING? IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Hijackals take no responsibility for anything they do. They refuse to be accountable. Yet, in order to pull that off, what has to happen? Everything has to be your fault! And, it's not. The patterns that living with a Hijackal create are designed to wear you down, to tear you down, to make you second-guess yourself constantly. Now, though, because you're listening here to me, you know that likely not one of those things were your fault. Never believe who a Hijackal says you are.Why? Because a Hijackal HAS to make you out to be wrong in every instance, so they can be right. If you're taken my online course, Seeing the Cycles , you'll know that a Hijackal MUST win, in every situation and conversation. Otherwise, they feel insecure, and you know they are not going to let that happen. Hijackals usually are nice in public and hellish at home. That's why, when you tell someone close to you about the horrible Hijackal behavior, they don't believe you. They don't see that person! That feels like a betrayal of you, I know. I've been there. Hijackals project on to you the things they most fear are true about themselves. Blame, blame, blame. Listen today, and stop taking on the blame. Even if it came from a parent decades ago, you can do some work to rid yourself of the remnants, and be truly free of that nasty parental voice that runs at the back of your mind at your most stressful moments. Let's work on that together. Today's episode will give you insights into: why Hijackals have to blamewhy what they tell you about yourself is almost never truehow blaming parents can have damaged your self-esteem and how to get it backwhy freeing yourself from these blaming relationships is importanthow to re-establish your self-esteem after a Hijackal Hijackals are toxic people who create toxic relationships! They try to poison you. Be clear that you are NOT the poison that the Hijackal insists you are, either. They will try to make everything your fault. Don't take it in!I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? SUPPORT MY WORK ON PATREON AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpYou can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #strongboundaries #sayingno #backoffbuddy #noblame #itsnotyourfault
7 Red Flags That Person You're Dating is Toxic. Run!
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor7 RED FLAGS THAT PERSON YOU'RE DATING IS TOXIC. RUN! So many people in my Facebook groups write about their fear of dating after being with a Hijackal. They are right to be concerned, and hopefully, that concern will lead them to getting the best help they can so they feel safe with themselves. Then, they will further develop their Hijackal Radar. That's what I help them do when we work together through video conferencing.There are people who are momentarily difficult--like you or me on a bad day--and then, there are others who are relentless difficult. I call those ones #Hijackals ®. If you've been listening for awhile, or reading my articles, blogs, or books, you're already well aware of that term.My definition of a Hijackal®:"A person who hijacks a relationship--for their own purposes--and relentlessly scavenges it for power, status, and control." Familiar?Everyone has bad days. Everyone goes through rough patches. We've all been there.When it happens occasionally and completely unexpectedly, we know someone is "off their game." With Hijackals, it happens more and more. And, usually just to the people they say they love the most. In fact, more specifically, usually to their partner or child. Even, their adult children!It could be an impossible to please parent. It could be a partner who set out to "get you," and life has turned into one big "Gotcha!"These seven red flags to notice when dating can save you so much heartache later. So, whip off those rose-colored glasses and see these red flags for what they are: DANGER AHEAD!Get insights on:how Hijackals fool you when they are trying to "get you"why nothing is ever their fault, but everything becomes your faultwhy giving them more understanding, love, patience, care, or time will not helphow Hijackals erode your self-esteem and self-confidencewhat to do when you realize all this is trueHijackals are toxic people who create toxic relationships! They try to poison you. Be clear that you are NOT the poison that the Hijackal insists you are, either. They will try to make everything your fault. Don't take it in!I hope this help you see that more clearly. If you need help with this, I'm here for you.Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial hour consultation HERE for only $97.I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.Talk soon.RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.FINDING MY CONTENT USEFUL? SUPPORT MY WORK ON PATREON AND GET FURTHER GREAT BENEFITS...like access to a Secret Facebook Group, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, and monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls.Patreon.com/RhobertaShalerCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #stopenabling #strongboundaries #sayingno #backoffbuddy
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