Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Conflict can be uncomfortable. But it’s a necessary part of life that can have great outcomes. ADHD often comes with trouble with executive function, emotional regulation, time perception, and more. This can make conflict even tougher to face. Senior certified Gottman relationship therapist Michael McNulty walks us through the research on which the Gottman Method is based — and what it means for relationships.Listen to Cate and Michael as they explore how conflict can change with ADHD, and the four horsemen of divorce — each with their own antidote.Related resourcesTrouble with self-regulation: What to knowThe Gottman InstituteMichael’s website, chicagorelationshipcenter.comTimestamps(03:34) What is the Gottman Method?(06:00) The research the Gottman Method is based on(09:42) ADHD and the Gottman Method(12:54) Executive function and conflict(15:22) Time perception and conflict(16:20) What is “turning away and turning towards”?(19:13) The four horsemen of divorce(20:32) The first horseman: Criticism(23:26) The second horseman: Defensiveness(24:50) The third horseman: Contempt(27:48) The fourth horseman: Stonewalling(29:11) Where you can find MichaelTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Dating is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. ADHD can intensify dating challenges. Like, masking to be someone we’re not so the other person will like us. Or, having intense feelings quickly, and jumping into a relationship that may not be what we want in the long run. Dating coach Amie Leadingham visits the show this week to talk about what a dating coach does and common dating pitfalls. Host Cate Osborn addresses what these challenges can look like with ADHD on top. Related resourcesIs it love or is it dopamine?, from Tips from an ADHD CoachA dating coach talks ADHD and super-connecting, from How’d You Get THAT Job?!Amie’s website, amiethedatingcoach.comTimestamps(03:59) What does a dating coach do?(08:07) How ADHD can affect dating(09:29) ADHD and “love bombing”(12:56) What is “screening”?(14:04) Masking in dating/The “marketing trap”(17:50) How to ask good questions(19:45) What to do when you realize your relationship might not be what you want(21:37) How can people with ADHD show up to be good partners?(23:42) When do we disclose that we have ADHD?(25:21) Trouble with time perception and texting(26:20) Trouble with impulse control and dating(27:30) Amie’s question suggestions(29:00) ADHD and oversharing(30:54) Amie on a dating timeline(33:10) ADHD and kink(34:24) Where you can find AmieTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Workplace relationships can be challenging for anyone. But for people with ADHD, trouble with working memory, self-control, emotions, and more can make professionalism even more confusing.Executive and ADHD coach Farah Jamil visits the show to clear up some common mysteries, like, how do I speak up for myself? And, what do I do when I’ve made a mistake? Listen for her answers, and some great tips to keep in your back pocket.  Related resourcesI’m having communication issues at work. What’s going on?Radical Candor by Kim ScottFarah’s websiteFarah’s LinkedInTimestamps(03:38) What does Farah do as an executive coach and ADHD coach?(06:57) Recognizing that it’s OK not to have all of the answers at work(09:40) How can ADHD affect collaboration in the workplace?(11:01) The What, the How, and the Why(13:03) How can ADHD affect communication in the workplace?(14:56) Feeling socially awkward at work(17:15) How to start identifying your needs(19:36) Conflict in the workplace(21:43) Communication strategies(25:28) How can we take ownership of our mistakes?(31:12) Fear of success(34:37) Where you can find FarahTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

When you have ADHD, it can affect every part of your life — even sex. ADHD impacts how we show up in relationships. And it can be easy to forget it’s with us in the bedroom too. ADHD sexpert and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman visits the podcast this week to talk about the connection between ADHD and sex. Listen to this foundational episode as we set the scene to cover more in-depth topics on sex in future episodes. To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.Related resourcesSex, intimacy, and ADHD from ADHD Aha!Ari’s book, ADHD After DarkCome As You Are by Emily NagoskiTimestamps(03:45) Why is ADHD and sex an important topic?(07:24) What Ari learned from research for his book, ADHD After Dark(10:33) ADHD and responsibility (12:47) Avoiding a transactional sexual relationship(14:55) Intentionality and ADHD(17:39) What can we do to help?(25:10) Ari’s main takeaways(26:45) What do I do if me or my partner is really excited about sex, but one or the other of us struggles to remember it exists?(29:54) What do I do if I get distracted during sex?   Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Boundaries are limits based on our values — and a key part of good relationships. ADHD can come with low self-esteem and anxiety, which can get in the way of respecting your own boundaries in relationships. ADHD educator and marriage counselor Melissa Orlov explains what boundaries are and how ADHD comes into play. Plus, she offers tips on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships.To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.Related resourcesADHD in marriage: How it changed a relationship (Breon and Dan’s story)ADHD and trouble with personal boundaries in kidsMelissa’s website, adhdmarriage.comTimestamps(04:28) What is a boundary?(10:20) How do we figure out what our boundaries are?(14:51) People pleasing(20:45) How do we work on creating and evolving boundaries with a partner?(22:16) Top three things to know, and some activities to get started(24:42) Cate's Comment Corner Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Juggling everything that ADHD throws at us can make us struggle in our friendships. Trouble with executive function affects our ability to communicate and remember things. And the shame that comes with ADHD can lead to us hiding our challenges and pretending to be someone we’re not. In this episode, host Cate Osborn welcomes a good friend of hers, Elizabeth Kilmer. Elizabeth is a clinical psychologist and researcher in game studies. Join Cate and Elizabeth as they talk about what it means to be friends with ADHD and how having friends who “get it” can be a lifesaver.Related resourcesMaking friends as an adult with ADHDUnderstanding trouble with social skillsElizabeth’s website, elizabethkilmer.comTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

It can be a struggle to balance chores in a relationship. When one or more people in the relationship have ADHD, there’s even more room for miscommunication. It’s important to be on the same page about expectations, or you may end up with resentment, and more fights than you’d like to. KC Davis wrote the book How to Keep House While Drowning, and hosts the podcast Struggle Care. KC joins host Cate Osborn in this episode of Sorry, I Missed This to talk about care tasks, sharing the load, and getting on the same page. Related resourcesKC Davis’ website, strugglecare.comTackling organization, clutter, and stress with hyperfocus (Wendy’s story)ADHD and messinessTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. It can also be really confusing and bring up questions like Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else? Why can’t I hold onto friendships? What do I even like to do?  In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with Caroline Maguire, MEd. Caroline is an ADHD coach and author of the book Why Will No One Play With Me? Join Cate and Caroline as they talk about how ADHD affects social skills and what we can do to help.Related resourcesCaroline’s websiteCaroline’s book, Why Will No One Play With Me?Caroline’s video, How to Stop People Pleasing with ADHDTo get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Here’s a podcast that can help!Welcome to Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn.Your host Cate has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict better?”Tune in to learn about topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex. Join Cate in unpacking the taboo, painful, and often hilarious challenges of being in a relationship when you have ADHD. First episode drops 6/18/24. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give