The Covert Narcissism Podcast

In Part 1, we uncovered the surprising physical symptoms of trauma that often go unnoticed — the jaw tension, the tinnitus, the eye twitching, the constant bracing your body learned to do in order to survive covert narcissistic abuse. In Part 2, we continue that conversation by focusing on three symptoms that confuse survivors the most: chest tightness — that “heart armor” feeling that makes it hard to breathe digestive issues — nausea, bloating, IBS patterns, or a stomach that shuts down under stress sleep disturbances — difficulty falling asleep, nighttime hyperarousal, and waking in panic These symptoms are some of the most deeply misunderstood — and often dismissed by medical providers who see “normal” test results but don’t understand trauma physiology. This episode breaks down why these symptoms happen, what your nervous system is trying to communicate through them, and how these reactions form in unsafe emotional environments. We’ll also explore the deeper theme underlying it all:Your body communicates through discomfort.Just like hunger isn’t a malfunction, your trauma symptoms aren’t malfunctions either — they are messages. Part 2 gives clarity, validation, and the beginning steps for understanding what your body has been trying to tell you for years. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When you live in the backwards, upside-down world of covert narcissistic abuse, your body often understands the danger long before your mind can name it. The symptoms you thought were “random,” “weird,” or “just stress” were actually your nervous system trying to protect you. In this episode, we explore the physical signs you didn’t recognize as trauma responses — the jaw tension, the chest tightness, the digestive issues, the sleep disruptions, the ringing in your ears, and even that twitchy eyelid that sent you down a Google rabbit hole at 2 a.m. You’ll hear why these symptoms appear, how covert narcissistic environments activate chronic fight-or-flight, and why your medical tests may have come back “normal” even though your body felt anything but normal. And most importantly — you’ll learn that these symptoms are not defects. They are intelligent survival signals.They are the truth your body carried for you. This episode will validate your experience, deepen your understanding of the trauma response, and help you see your body not as the problem — but as your greatest ally. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Talking to your adult children about a covert narcissistic parent is one of the hardest and most emotionally loaded challenges survivors face. You’re carrying years of truth inside you — experiences that shaped your life, your self-concept, your safety, and in many cases, the childhood environment your kids grew up in. And yet, speaking that truth openly can feel dangerous. It can feel like badmouthing. It can feel like you’re putting your children in the middle. It can feel like you’re betraying them or burdening them. But silence isn’t healing either.And your children will eventually have questions — real, hard, vulnerable questions. In this episode, we break down exactly how to navigate those conversations with honesty, clarity, and emotional integrity. You’ll learn how to talk about your lived experience without attacking their other parent, how to answer direct questions using grounded truth rather than character statements, and how to model the healthy communication and relational skills your children never got to see growing up. We explore: Why defending yourself often backfires — and what to do instead How to focus on values rather than the other parent’s behavior How to give your children the freedom to think for themselves How to model emotional safety, regulation, accountability, and repair What to say when they ask, “Why did you leave?” or “Did you fight a lot?” How your healing teaches them more than your explanations ever will This episode is filled with real stories, practical examples, and compassionate guidance for every parent walking the tightrope between truth and protection. If you feel misunderstood by your adult children, if you’ve been unfairly judged, or if you're afraid to say the wrong thing — this conversation will help you find your footing again. Because you can talk to your children about what happened.You can honor your truth without dishonoring theirs.And you can be the safe, grounded parent they return to as they begin making sense of their own story. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So many survivors walk into healing believing they were “codependent,” when the truth is far more compassionate and far more accurate:What you were doing wasn’t codependency — it was fawning, a trauma response your nervous system used to keep you safe in an emotionally dangerous environment. In this episode, we break down the difference between fawning and codependency in a way that finally makes sense for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. We explore why these two patterns get confused, how fawning operates as a survival mechanism, and why labeling yourself “codependent” often adds unnecessary shame to an already painful experience. You’ll hear real, relatable examples that show what these behaviors look like in everyday life: saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t, prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own, and walking on eggshells. We’ll explore each scenario from both angles — the trauma-driven fawn response and the learned relational pattern of codependency — so you can see exactly where the difference lies. If you’ve ever blamed yourself for being “too accommodating,” “too forgiving,” or “too passive,” this episode will help you shift that lens. You were not weak. You were surviving.And now, you get to learn a new way of being where safety no longer depends on self-abandonment. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This Thanksgiving episode is unlike any you’ve heard before.Instead of forcing gratitude outward—toward family, toward traditions, toward circumstances that may feel complicated or painful—this episode brings gratitude back home. To you. Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse often carry shame for the very responses that kept them alive. They question their anger, their confusion, their anxiety, their numbness—never realizing these were intelligent, protective signals from a system trying desperately to keep them safe. Today, we slow down and offer tender gratitude to the parts of you that worked tirelessly on your behalf: your nervous system, your instincts, your emotions, your mind, your body, and the deep, quiet resilience that got you to this moment. Through metaphors, reflection, and compassionate storytelling, we explore how emotional pain functions just like hunger pains: not as a flaw, but as communication. Your system wasn’t failing—it was calling out for you. And today, we thank it. If you’ve ever struggled with self-judgment…If you’ve ever wondered why you reacted the way you did…If you want to feel more connected to yourself and soften the shame you’ve been carrying… This episode will meet you with warmth, understanding, and a powerful reminder: You were your own miracle. And you deserve gratitude, too. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In Part 2 of this story, we pick up right where the alligator encounter left off — not with danger, but with the emotional aftershock that followed. My body was still shaking, adrenaline pumping, breath unsteady. I paddled straight toward my friend in a heightened state: frightened, confused, and trying to make sense of whether I had truly just kayaked over a mama alligator… or whether I had imagined the whole thing. And what happened next revealed something even more important than the alligator:the difference between safe people and unsafe people. A safe person — like my friend — meets your overwhelm with curiosity.“What did you see?”“How big was it?”“Are you okay?” Her calm voice, her steady presence, and her willingness to believe me allowed my nervous system to settle. That is co-regulation in action. That is emotional safety. That is what a healthy connection feels like. But if I had been with my ex-husband that day, the story would’ve played out very differently.My fear would’ve annoyed him.My excitement would’ve irritated him.My reality would’ve been talked over, corrected, or erased. I would’ve been told it was just a log.I would’ve doubted myself.I would’ve minimized my experience.And eventually, I would’ve convinced myself it never really happened. That’s what unsafe people do: they erase your reality until you no longer trust yourself at all. Today’s episode shines a light on the power of validation, the necessity of safe connection, the neuroscience behind co-regulation, and why survivors of covert narcissistic abuse learn to silence their own experiences. Because when someone finally believes you — truly believes you — it restores something deeper than the story.It restores you. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In a healthy relationship, conversations might be difficult at times—but they are possible. You can talk, clarify, repair, and understand each other. But when you’re living with a covert narcissist, communication slowly becomes a maze you can never find your way out of. In this episode, I share how the most ordinary exchanges in my marriage became painful, confusing, and emotionally draining. It wasn’t yelling. It wasn’t name-calling. It wasn’t dramatic fights. It was the quiet erosion that happened in the everyday moments—the misunderstandings, the defensiveness, the blank stares, and the “What difference does it make?” responses that left me feeling small, silenced, and alone. I take you inside what those conversations actually looked like, the internal conversations I had with myself, and how years of being unheard changed my sense of self. We’ll look at why covert narcissists misinterpret even the gentlest words, how they turn connection into conflict, and how survivors slowly lose their voice without even realizing it. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, How did we end up here? Why does nothing land right? Why do I feel more alone than before I spoke? — this episode was made for you. You are not imagining the confusion. You are not “too sensitive.”This is what communication looks like when someone listens through shame instead of empathy. And most importantly—you can reclaim your voice. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, I’m taking you with me on a peaceful Florida river… right up to the moment my kayak bumped over what I thought was a floating log. Except it wasn’t a log. It was a massive mama alligator. But the most surprising part of the story isn’t the alligator. It’s what my brain did in the exact moment of danger. Instead of panicking, screaming, or flipping into the water, my mind calmly told me, “Huh. I didn’t know alligators shed their skin like that.” This wasn’t denial. It wasn’t shock. It was dissociation — the brain’s built-in survival mechanism that protects you from overwhelming reality when you’re not safe enough to process it. This is exactly the same process that happens when you are dealing with covert narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I break down: Why your brain lies to you in life-threatening or emotionally threatening moments How dissociation works inside the nervous system during fight-or-flight Why my body reacted instantly but my mind couldn’t accept what I was seeing How this exact same process happens in covert narcissistic abuse Why survivors don’t “see the truth” until after they’re safe How the brain comes back online once danger is over What completing the stress cycle looks like in real healing The alligator story is funny now — but what it reveals about trauma responses is powerful.If you’ve ever wondered why you stayed, why you froze, or why you couldn’t see the abuse clearly until later, this episode will finally make sense of it. Your brain wasn’t failing you. It was saving you. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some manipulate through silence, others through guilt or tears. Some quote scripture, some play the victim, and some simply vanish into the quiet coldness that leaves you questioning your worth. In this episode, Renee Swanson explores how covert narcissism exists on a spectrum—why it can look completely different from one relationship to the next, and even from one day to another. Through powerful examples and real-life stories, she unpacks why survivors so often doubt themselves when the patterns don’t “fit the checklist,” and how to finally recognize the truth beneath the confusion. If you’ve ever wondered, “Maybe I’m overreacting because mine isn’t like that,” this episode will help you see that your pain is valid—and that covert narcissism wears many masks, but the core is always the same: control through confusion. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ever feel like you’ve been living in a circus you didn’t sign up for?In this episode, Renee Swanson uses humor to shine a light on the exhausting emotional reality of living with a covert narcissist — through the story of an inflatable clown and a bicycle pump. You know the one: it’s dramatic, unstable, takes up too much space, and leaks air faster than you can fill it. Your job? Keep it pumped up. All. The. Time. Through laughter and truth, Renee paints a vivid picture of what it’s like to constantly monitor someone else’s emotional pressure while slowly losing your own air. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod, and maybe — just maybe — you’ll finally give yourself permission to drop the pump and start breathing for yourself again. Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment.If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.comAnd don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if your greatest fear as a parent has already come true?You can feel it — your child pulling away, repeating phrases that don’t sound like them, looking at you through someone else’s eyes. This is the painful reality of parental alienation, one of the covert narcissist’s most devastating tools of control. In this episode, Renee Swanson explains how covert narcissists quietly rewrite your child’s reality — turning love into confusion and connection into distance. You’ll learn the subtle tactics they use to alienate your child, why it works, and how to stay grounded when you feel powerless. Through empathy, insight, and real-life understanding, Renee offers hope for parents living through this invisible heartbreak — and guidance for protecting your peace while keeping the light of love steady. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Resentment is one of the hardest emotions to face after covert narcissistic abuse—because it shows up long before you even realize what’s happening. You start resenting them for the confusion, then resenting yourself for pulling away. But what if resentment isn’t bitterness at all? What if it’s your system’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.” In this episode, Renee Swanson breaks down why resentment builds in these relationships, how it’s tied to self-protection, and how to work through it without turning it inward. You’ll learn how to honor your anger, separate it from shame, and use it as a guide toward healing, truth, and freedom. If this episode resonates, please like, comment, and share—it helps others find their way out of confusion too. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When a marriage falls apart, the story children see is often only a small part of what truly happened. One parent may look angry or reactive while the other appears calm or composed — but underneath, both are often hurting, both are surviving, and both are human. In this heartfelt episode, life coach and podcast host Renee Swanson speaks directly to the sons and daughters who grew up in homes shaped by emotional turmoil or quiet disconnection. She offers a compassionate look at why one parent may have stayed, why the other finally left, and how fear, shame, and survival can silently erode connection over time. This episode isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding.Renee invites adult children to see their parents’ humanity, to build their own relationships free of loyalty binds and guilt, and to use the pain they witnessed as a source of awareness and healing for their own lives. Why love can turn into survival inside emotionally unsafe marriages How unhealed pain blocks repair and destroys trust Why the parent who walked away may have been trying to save the family, not abandon it The role of emotional intelligence — and what this generation can do differently How adult children can break the cycle through awareness, compassion, and boundaries If your parent sent you this episode, it’s because they love you — and want you to understand their story, and yours, with gentleness and truth. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If your mind can take one tiny worry and turn it into a full-blown disaster movie, you’re not alone.That’s catastrophic thinking — and it’s one of the most common patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse struggle with. After years of walking on eggshells, your brain learns to expect danger, even when there’s none. Whether you lived with a covertly abusive spouse or grew up under a narcissistic parent, your nervous system has been trained to stay on high alert. It’s not because you’re weak — it’s because your brain learned to survive chaos. In this episode, Renee dives into how catastrophic thinking forms, why it’s so persistent, and how to retrain your mind for peace. You’ll learn practical tools to interrupt the spiral, including the Mickey Mouse voice trick, separating facts from fears, grounding your body in the present moment, and shifting from “what if” to “even if.” You’ll discover how to talk to your inner protector with compassion, stop rehearsing disaster, and start rehearsing calm.This is your permission to stop living in fear of the next explosion — and start building safety within yourself. Because peace doesn’t come from control. It comes from trust — the quiet knowing that you can handle what comes next. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We’ve all heard it—“But they had a rough childhood.” “They just don’t know any better.” “You have to feel sorry for them.”Yes, empathy is beautiful. But at some point, we have to ask: how far does this excuse go? In this episode, Renee pulls back the curtain on one of the most common traps survivors of covert narcissistic abuse fall into—confusing compassion with obligation. She unpacks the endless list of excuses narcissistic partners use to justify their cruelty, from childhood trauma to Mercury being in retrograde, and explains why understanding someone’s pain doesn’t mean accepting their abuse. Through stories, examples, and that signature CNG mix of truth, humor, and hope, you’ll learn how to balance empathy with accountability—and how to protect your peace without hardening your heart. If you’ve ever felt guilty for setting boundaries or staying angry “too long,” this one’s for you. Listen to learn: Why trauma explains behavior but never excuses it The difference between compassion and self-destruction How covert narcissists weaponize empathy What real accountability actually looks like How to keep your compassion from turning into exhaustion Because loving someone doesn’t mean letting them hurt you—and healing begins the moment you say, this is not okay. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Triangulation doesn’t stop just because you see it. In fact, once you recognize the pattern, the covert narcissist often pushes harder, twisting words, controlling the story, and pulling others into the tension. In this episode, Renee walks you through how to handle triangulation in every stage of the journey: While you’re still in the relationship, how to stay grounded, refuse the bait, and protect your sanity. After you’ve left, how to respond to smear campaigns and stay out of the narcissist’s narrative. When your kids are being triangulated, how to create emotional safety, speak calm truth, and keep them from being pulled into the conflict. You’ll learn how to recognize when others are also in survival mode, how to extend grace without losing boundaries, and how to rebuild trust in yourself and the relationships that matter most. Because healing from triangulation isn’t about winning the argument, it’s about reclaiming your peace, protecting your children, and stepping out of someone else’s story for good. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In Part 2 of my conversation with Sarma Melngailis, we dive into the turning point—the awakening after covert narcissistic abuse. Sarma shares the moment she began to see the manipulation clearly, how she learned to gray rock and set boundaries, and what it means to find freedom after years of psychological control. Together, we unpack the neurobiology of cognitive dissonance, the pull of trauma bonds, and the courage it takes to finally close the door for good. In this episode: The “ice queen” strategy and how to emotionally disengage Why closure can be the most dangerous trap How cognitive dissonance and fear keep survivors stuck Rebuilding self-trust after coercion and public judgment Sarma’s insight into the psychological and spiritual aftermath of abuse offers hope to anyone finding their way back to self-trust and peace. Her memoir The Girl With The Duck Tattoo continues to open eyes about coercion, consent, and resilience after narcissistic abuse. Learn more about my coaching and recovery programs at www.covertnarcissism.com Share your thoughts below—how have you learned to reclaim your voice after manipulation? THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s most insidious tools — because it’s quiet, invisible, and devastating.It’s how they control the narrative, twist communication, and turn the people you love against each other — all while pretending to be the calm, reasonable “peacekeeper.” In this episode, Renee shares two powerful stories that reveal how triangulation slowly poisons relationships: The first, a marriage where everything seems fine on the surface — until every conversation starts getting filtered through one partner’s control. The second, a family where a covertly narcissistic parent quietly pits two siblings against each other for decades. Through these stories and a heartfelt reflection, you’ll learn how triangulation erodes trust, damages connection, and keeps survivors trapped in confusion and self-doubt. Join Renee next week as she continues this conversation with how to step out of triangulation and begin repairing the relationships it’s damaged. Because once you see the pattern, you can finally start breaking free from it. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sarma Melngailis—best known from the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan—joins me to reveal the story the headlines never told. In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Sarma opens up about covert narcissistic abuse, repeated manipulation, and the long road of self-discovery that followed. We explore how empathy, idealism, and even neurodivergence can make survivors more vulnerable to covert abuse—and how these same traits can also become sources of strength and healing. In Part 1, we go beyond the public narrative into: The early relationship patterns that mirrored covert narcissistic abuse Why intelligent, capable people can still miss the warning signs The link between sensitivity, empathy, and manipulation Finding self-compassion after shame and public judgment Sarma’s new memoir The Girl With The Duck Tattoo reveals the deeper truth of her experience—a story of narcissistic abuse, manipulation, and resilience. If you’ve ever felt unseen or misunderstood, this episode will remind you that your empathy is not your weakness—it’s your superpower. Learn more about my coaching and recovery programs at www.covertnarcissism.com. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time. In this episode, Renee Swanson explores what happens when years of emotional invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting finally push you past your breaking point. When your calm exterior cracks, and your reaction — whether yelling, slamming a door, or even lashing out — leaves you wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” With deep compassion and truth, Renee explains the nervous system’s response to chronic emotional stress, how covert narcissists weaponize your reactions, and why a single moment does not define your character. You’ll hear a powerful story of one survivor who reached her limit — and how Renee helped her see that vulnerability and accountability can exist alongside self-forgiveness. This episode isn’t about condoning reactive behavior. It’s about understanding it — and breaking free from the shame that keeps survivors stuck in silence. If you’ve ever felt deep remorse after snapping, this conversation will help you see your humanity with new eyes. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.