The Halve Time Notpodcast

The Halve Time Podcast: Ep. 10 - Eig Bick Dnergy Ok, fine, it kinda was like a podcast but still not a podcast Didn’t have any guests, there were no interviews, it was just me talking to me about me and about some people, erm, (sniggers), erm, so yeah There may or may not be a season two, but a hell of a lot’s happened since the inception of the podcast notpodcast what ever the hell it is, errrm, so, I hope you’re well, I hope my words have provoked thoughts in your heads, I hope that you’ve got some goosebumps from listening to me, if you have any questions don’t be shy hit me up @… What’s the @… halvetimenotpod haha Erm, both through Twitter and Instagram Don’t be shy, again there may or may not be a series errr season two I probably would be errr I’d probably have my publishing deal by then and be too busy for this so erm, watch this space

Tell me if I’m right or wrong and I’ll tell you if you’re right or wrong This may have all the makings of but I’m not going to allow it to become a song There’s you, me, myself and I and each character profile already is too long It’s a known fact that the house always wins so grab those two, exit left and I’ll just carry on

patience ain’t one of my virtues no news is worse than bad news old habits die hard but they’re alive cos I choose feels like I’m always aiming at a target that moves number one on a list of who’s who I love good like bad food I would suggest putting this to bed but I’m fighting sleep cos I was told that if you snooze then you loose

2:08 - 2:55 | What if December came straight after March and the birds just wrote the words but never sang the tune and caterpillars started out as butterflies and ants came in twos and threes as opposed to their regular sized platoons What if elephants had to write everything down for their memories were worse than gold fish and frankincense and murr were the everyday essential items at the top of every household shopping list What if 2 and 2 actually did make 5 and the further the length of the conclusion you jump to, the much better the prize and the real you, no, the REALLY real you was actually worse than every bit of that disguise What if all you have done whilst doing nothing to better yourself came at your demise and darkest at dawn could not compete with the shade at sunrise

He’s had his fair share of unfair and that's, fair She’s broken many a heart and now it's only right that she can't seem to find another that dares to care With a big appetite and an acquired taste for meets rare They’ll both remain hungry if all she brings to the table is a chair

(Theme tune/audience cheers and applause) Hello and welcome to another episode of “if the answer is you, what is the question?” I’m your host Lifey McLifeson and today’s contestant is Miles, a 35 year old musician and he’s from Shepherds Bush. (Audience oooo’s) Miles describes himself as “An old soul with a young heart, a sub-sequential by-product of wisdom and angst. A self-proclaimed modern day memoirist, a writer and an encyclopaedia of circumstances that people can reference and interpret however they choose.” Is there anyone else in the audience who’s still unsure of what that means? (Audience laughter) Ok guys, what do you think? Shall we bring him on down and give him a chance to tell us more himself??? Give him a big cheer! (Audience cheers) Come on down Miles, it’s your turn to play “if the answer is you, what is the question?” (Theme tune/audience cheers and applause) Question 1: Who is responsible for your happiness?

I don’t know you But I feel like I used to At some point, at some time You used to take care of me I know, that you know That I know, that you don’t Remember But that’s how it goes I don’t think we Should bother with what was then Makes sense to not pretend Let’s start from where we are here… I don’t know you But I feel like I used to At some point… You used to take care of me At some point, at some time At some point

Dia-pragmatic. Nope, it’s not a real word, but it is a play on two. The Diaphragm is a large muscle that sits below the lungs. Normal breathing is relatively shallow and does not allow for the full use of the lungs, where as diaphragmatic breathing is a deep breathing exercise that fully engages the diaphragm and does. Pragmatic means to deal with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations. How many times have you yourself been advised or been advised by somebody else to “just breath”…? Sounds pretty familiar to “don’t worry” doesn’t it?? Easier, said, than done. On Thursday August 20th in 2020 I had an osteopath come round to the flat. I had a current account full of furlough money burning a hole in my Apple Pay wallet and I was like, yeah why not? SO excited and looking forward to be bent and clicked back into shape. She arrived and I eagerly awaited for her to direct me onto the table… But she didn’t, but what we did do sit and speak for an hour. She observed how I sat and made me walk around my living room. She asked me what I did for work and how I spent my time off, what I ate and what I drank… Visibly frustrated and feeling short changed and confused by the lack of heavy handedness, she explained that most people that require her services expect one thing based on an assumption of what they think she does and have a lack of understanding of what they THINK they need. Her approach was “prevention is the best cure” but I wanted to pay someone to fix my problems. I wanted to pay someone to fix my problems and I didn’t want to hear anything about it and I most certainly didn’t want any homework. When I finally made it on to table and here is what I was instructed to do. Ok, do me a favour, at some point after listening to this I want you to find somewhere to lay flat on your back, feet shoulder width apart with one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Take a deep breath in and slowly push your stomach out whilst doing so. When you breath out, pull your stomach back in. At first it’s going to feel like pat your head, rub your belly but just go with it, change is always uncomfortable and just because you’ve been doing something one way forever it doesn’t mean it can’t be done better.

They say that if you fail to plan you plan to fail, but what’s the plan when the plan you didn’t fail to make fails? Plan A, plan B, plan C, as much as it’s not as simple as a,b,c it really isn’t much more complicated than that either. Plan A is only plan A because plan b sits down wind from it, otherwise it would just be a Plan. Right? Ok, so, for example, you’re headed out to meet your best friend, it’s been planned for weeks and you’re super looking forward to it. Works finished, you’re showered, smelling great wearing your favourite orange hat, black and/or white long sleeve top, gold Casio data bank watch, black trousers and loafers. You grab your phone to share your eta, open your travel app of choice up and learn that the route you’d planned to take is no longer an option. What??? Now you’re having to consider something completely different?! Why would you have had to before? If it ain’t broke blah blah blah etc etc etc Yes, I know it’s annoying because It’s gone from what would have been just 2 busses and a short walk. Now it’s possibly a bus to the tube station and then a longer walk. Or, one bus then a tube and another bus. We’re EVEN now considering a cab! But we’re going, we are going because it’s been planned for weeks and we’re going to get there (plus, the kitchen stops serving that Turkish steak dish you like in an hour and you don’t like anything else on the menu) so if you’re gonna eat you have to get there… You’ve chosen a route and you’re on your way giving live updates regarding your eta etc etc etc! During all of this, you’ve probably had your phone in your hands for what, the last 30 mins now, going from app to app, iMessage to WhatsApp and at no point have you considered cancelling….? See what you did there? Settle down young man, let us formulate a plan of action  You see as far as stories go, every one you've read so far ain't done  From beginning to end all that stuff in between now I can not pretend It's not easy, no one said it would be, take a deep breath and count down from three, two, one

Problems I come up against aren’t always the problem, my attitude towards these problems however have caused more problems than the actual problems themselves. You may not take anything away from what I choose to share but I’m going to share anyway because a problem shared is a problem halved. Problem is defined as: “a situation, question, or thing that causes difficulty, stress, or doubt. A problem is also a question raised to inspire thought….” The very inception of this podcast thing that we’re not calling a podcast has come about as a result of me having reached the end of my tether with these particularly difficult, stressful and doubt ensuing times I’m going through. “Who was the one who said that I should feel this way? I don’t agree! I don’t agree. I’ve paid my dues but still another debt remains?! Did WE agree? Then maybe it’s me…?” So you’re telling me it’s MY fault that I’m here?!

Ok, so, this is not a podcast. It most certainly is not a podcast. Let’s think of this as me… well, there’s a saying, a problem shared is a problem halved, so this is free therapy.