The Huddle Wisdom Podcast with Dr Davin Tan

Have you ever lost your cool over something tiny? I explain why those moments aren't always about your child. We dive deep into the concept of the 'inner child' and how our own unprocessed childhood experiences can hijack our nervous system, causing us to overreact. This isn't about blaming yourself...it's about gaining awareness, taking back control, and building a more connected, calm relationship with your child (and yourself). In This Episode, We Discuss: The "inner child": What it is, why it gets triggered in parenting, and how it can lead to disproportionate reactions. Inner Child vs. Adult Self: The subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) battle between these two parts of you and how it plays out in your home. The Power of Awareness: Why simply noticing your triggers is the first step to shifting from a reactive parent to a reflective one. Practical Tools for Parents: Simple, effective strategies to calm your nervous system and respond to your child with more wisdom and less rage.   Find me on Instagram for daily wisdom and community discussion:Huddle Wisdom Parenting   Connect & Subscribe:  If you found this episode helpful, please leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! It helps other parents find our show. And don't forget to hit "follow" so you never miss an episode. Until next time, take care of yourselves and the young people in your lives. Hosted by Dr. Davin Tan Child Psychiatrist.

Huddle Wisdom: Navigating Exam Season    Exams are looming, and the pressure cooker is on. Not just for our kids, but for parents too. In this episode of Huddle Wisdom, Dr. Davin Tan shares how to help your family navigate this stressful time with grace, calm, and connection. This isn't about micromanaging study sessions; it's about shifting from being a performance manager to being a calm captain.    Key Takeaways   The Myth of Pressure: The idea that pressure equals performance is a myth. When stress tips into anxiety, it hijacks your child's ability to think clearly. The brain's survival mode takes over, not the logical, problem solving part. Your Calm is Contagious: A child's nervous system co regulates with yours. The single most powerful thing you can do is to regulate yourself. Create a calm environment, even if it's just a few minutes of quiet time together. Reframe Anxiety: Anxiety isn't the enemy; it's a signal that something matters. Help your child name their feelings without judgement, which separates the emotion from their identity. Connection Over Correction: Your child's worth is not tied to a grade. Your job is to be their safe harbour and corner, not just their coach. Your presence, like making a snack or just sitting nearby, is often more supportive than any academic advice. For Students: The episode also has a special message for students. Don't look at the big picture, work in small chunks. Sleep is not wasted time; it's when your brain stores what you've learned. And remember, feeling nervous doesn't mean you're doomed; it just means you care.

Parents often wonder why I notice things about their child that they don’t. In this episode, I explain why that happens (hint: it’s not because you’re failing), and I share a simple Jedi-inspired exercise that helps you start noticing the subtle signs of safety, stress, and connection in your child. What you’ll learn in this episode: Why kids act differently with me than with you. How to reframe the “messy” behaviours you see at home. A 5-minute noticing exercise that gives you surprising insights. How tuning in with your heart, not your head, builds connection. Links and Resources: Explore the Making Sense of Anxious Children course: huddlewisdom.com  Follow me on Instagram: @huddle_wisdom_parenting

If you’ve ever been told to “just stay calm” or “be consistent” but no one actually showed you how to do that in the middle of your child’s meltdown, this episode is for you. Child psychiatrist Dr Davin Tan unpacks why simplistic advice leaves so many parents of anxious and neurodivergent kids feeling like they’re not enough. We talk about how chasing perfection can burn you out, why perfection doesn’t actually exist, and how embracing the courage to be imperfect can transform the way you connect with your child. You’ll get real-life strategies you can actually use during those emotional storms, even on your worst parenting days. In this episode you’ll hear:• Why generic parenting advice often backfires• How perfectionism quietly fuels exhaustion and guilt• What the courage to be imperfect looks like in real life• Practical ways to support anxious kids in the heat of the moment• Why repairing after a blow-up matters more than never losing it in the first place Who it’s for:Parents and caregivers raising anxious, sensitive or neurodivergent children who want something more useful than a motivational quote. Keywords:parenting anxious kids, parenting neurodivergent kids, perfectionism in parenting, how to support an anxious child, good enough parenting, helping kids through meltdowns, emotional regulation in children, parental burnout, child psychiatrist tips This episode also features a short clip from the film Anger Management (2003) starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson, used here for commentary and educational purposes. Listen now and find out how to parent with presence instead of perfection. LINK to Resource: www.huddlewisdom.com 🎧👍👍👍

In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan helps parents understand what to do when their child is having a meltdown. He explains why our typical response, "calm down," is not only ineffective but can also make things worse. Dr. Tan makes the powerful connection between a body overheating in a heatwave and a child's nervous system going into full activation. In this state, the rational part of their brain is offline, so telling them to "calm down" is like telling someone to "cool down" when they can't. The goal isn't to make their feelings disappear; it's to help them feel safe and understood. Dr. Tan shares five powerful, research-backed phrases to use instead, turning a moment of chaos into a chance for connection and learning. Five Phrases to Try: "Looks like that really got to you." "Take your time. I'm here." "This feels intense, huh?" "This is tough. Want to sit with me for a bit?" "We'll figure this out together." Remember: They're not giving you a hard time; they're having a hard time. By responding with empathy, you can help build your child's resilience and strengthen your bond. Find out more here! www.huddlewisdom.com

Struggling with a child who seems defiant, argumentative, or won't follow simple instructions? Before you assume it's misbehaviour, there might be something deeper going on. In this episode, we explore how childhood anxiety can disguise itself as challenging behaviour and share practical ways to recognise the difference. .... MAKING SENSE OF ANXIOUS KIDS - Enrol Now in the self paced program that will well, help you make a lot of sense of anxious, moody and sensitive kids. Why feel overwhelmed, when you can help that? Check it out. www.huddlewisdom.com 

Before we became parents we had all sorts of ideas about what it would be like, stemming from our past experiences, memories, books, hopes and dreams, other peoples ideas...but it's not quite the same thing becoming a parent. I'd personally never have it any other way but there are things we don't anticipate if our children are of a certain sensitive temperament and experience great anxiety; we might not be prepared for the reactivity, the unpredictability of emotional upheaval, the overwhelm, the feeling of 'nothing's working'.  Let me help you out a little bit...there are 3 important mindset shifts or mental models that builds a framework that could turn things around.  1. regulation over reaction 2. curiosity instead of judgement 3. connection before correction Tune in to learn more.  Also go check out the Emotional Storm Module from the Making Sense of Anxious Kids program...you can access that completely free if you sign up on our website : www.huddlewisdom.com You won't regret it!

This episode is about the version of parenting no one talks about. The one where you’re running on almost nothing. Where your child still needs you, and you’re not sure what you have left to give. We’re not talking about burnout as a concept, or fatigue as a buzzword. We’re talking about the real-life moments when you're holding a meltdown with one hand and your own regulation with the other. When you want to be calm, present, available but you’re overstretched and running late and the toast is wrong again. This conversation won’t give you tricks. Just clarity. A way to think about tiredness that doesn’t make it a personal failing. A way to respond to your child without having to pretend you’re okay. For parents who are doing their best, even when their best is quiet, slow, and not very pretty. Mentioned in this episode: Making Sense of Anxious Children A course for parents who want to understand what’s really going on beneath the behaviour Available at www.huddlewisdom.com 

Is your child's misbehaviour leaving you frustrated, confused, or exhausted? You're not alone. In this powerful episode of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast, host Dr Tan unpacks a crucial concept that will transform how you view your child's struggles: challenging behaviour is not the problem, it's the signal. Learn why parents often fall into the trap of "fixing the smoke" (addressing outward child behaviour like yelling, tantrums, defiance, or meltdowns) instead of uncovering the true "fire" beneath. Often anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, or unmet emotional needs. Learn actionable strategies to: Pause before reacting to your child's difficult moments. Get curious, not furious, about what might be driving their actions. Gently name the underlying emotions or "fire" you observe. Stay present and connect, even when things feel chaotic.   To navigate your anxious child's behavior with confidence and calm, explore Dr Davin Tan's signature online course: "Making Sense of Anxious Children." Learn how to identify those hidden fires, build essential communication skills, and foster a more peaceful home environment. Find out more and enroll today at: www.huddlewisdom.com In this episode, you will learn: Why misbehaviour is a signal, not the core problem. The dangers of "smoke-fixing" in child behavior. How to identify the "fire" (underlying anxiety or needs) beneath challenging behaviors. Practical steps to respond with curiosity and connection instead of frustration. A real-life example of transforming homework meltdowns by addressing underlying perfectionism.

Ever found yourself thinking, “Why is my child acting like this?” In this first episode, we reframe what many of us call "misbehaviour" not as disobedience, but as a signal of stress, overwhelm, or mismatch between a child and their environment. You’ll hear: Why some children “explode” over nothing How stress builds under the surface until it doesn’t Why focusing on behavior misses the point A different way to respond (that actually helps) This isn’t about letting kids off the hook. It’s about understanding what’s actually going on so you can stop firefighting and start connecting. Mentioned in this episode: 🎓 Making Sense of Anxious Children : The self-paced course for parents who are ready to stop reacting and start relating. 👉 Enrol or learn more here   🧠 More resources at huddlewisdom.com

 When Connection Feels Impossible: Parenting Through the Disconnection Feeling disconnected from your child? This Huddle Wisdom podcast episode with Dr. Davin Tan explores why kids withdraw and offers practical parenting strategies for staying grounded and fostering connection, even when it feels impossible. Learn the power of presence and how to navigate those challenging moments of silence and emotional distance.  Key Discussion Points: Understanding the frustration and pain of feeling disconnected from your child. Recognising that disconnection isn't always personal rejection but can be a sign of a child's internal struggles. The counterintuitive power of "being there" without demanding a response. Why pushing for conversation or resorting to control can backfire. The importance of creating a safe, non-judgmental space for children to open up when they are ready. The concept of "containment", offering a steady and emotionally regulated presence. Acknowledging the difficulty of remaining present and patient during disconnection. Reframing connection as an ongoing process built through consistent, small acts of support. The enduring impact of a parent's unwavering love and availability, even in silence. Resources Mentioned:  Courses: Parenting for Anxious Children, Making Sense of Anxious Children Actionable Advice: Focus on consistent presence rather than forcing interaction. Offer a calm and reassuring energy in shared spaces. Resist the urge to ask accusatory questions or demand explanations. Practice patience and create a safe space for future communication. Be a steady anchor point, allowing your child to process their emotions. Remember that your consistent support is making a difference, even if it's not immediately visible.    

In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan explores a powerful shift in how we respond to anxiety in our children, not by rushing to fix, but by staying present. When your child is overwhelmed, your calm presence, not your solutions can be the most healing thing you offer. Through quiet reflection, grounded insight, and relatable examples, Dr. Tan helps parents understand why emotional safety matters more than strategies, and how doing less can actually help our children feel more seen, safe, and supported. Why “fixing” your child’s anxiety often backfires The deeper message we send when we try to calm emotions quickly What it means to stay present instead of reactive Practical language and mindset shifts that help anxious children feel safe How presence, not perfection, builds emotional resilience       🎧 Audio Course: Parenting for Anxious Children  Website: www.huddlewisdom.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/huddle_wisdom_parenting/  Newsletter: https://www.huddlewisdom.com/14days for insights, and resources  

In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan addresses a common but often unspoken fear among parents: "Am I raising a child who lacks empathy?"  He explores the complexities of childhood development, distinguishing between normal behaviors and potential red flags. Dr. Tan explores the neurological basis of empathy, the influence of parenting styles, and practical strategies for nurturing compassion in children. He also discusses when to seek professional help and offers hope for families facing challenging behavioral patterns.   Key Takeaways:   Empathy develops gradually and unevenly throughout childhood. Many behaviors that seem callous are actually developmental or related to anxiety. Authoritative parenting (clear boundaries with high warmth) is most conducive to empathy development. Children learn empathy by experiencing empathy and having their emotions validated. Practical strategies like emotional coaching, perspective-taking, and repair after conflict can nurture empathy. Professional help is beneficial when behavioral concerns persist or significantly change. RESOURCES: www.huddlewisdom.com/courses

  Raising children is a unique journey for every family, but when siblings have different neurotypes, the path can feel particularly complex. This insightful episode dives deep into the realities of nurturing neurodivergent children within the same household. Learn practical, actionable strategies to bridge communication gaps, understand and accommodate diverse sensory needs, and navigate the varied ways anxiety can manifest. Discover how to cultivate an environment of open communication, create a truly supportive home sanctuary, and recognize the vital importance of individual decompression time. For parents seeking to move beyond daily challenges and foster profound connection and growth with each of their neurodivergent children, this episode offers essential guidance and heartfelt understanding. Key Takeaways: Reframing Neurodiversity: Understand the fundamental concept of neurodiversity as natural human variation, shifting the focus from "problems" to unique strengths and needs. Beyond "Fair": Individualized Approaches: Explore why treating all children the same isn't always equitable and learn how to implement truly individualized strategies that honor each child's unique profile. Bridging the Divide: Gain practical techniques for effectively addressing communication breakdowns and navigating the often-significant differences in sensory processing. Understanding Anxiety's Many Faces: Learn to recognize and respond to the diverse ways anxiety can present itself in neurodivergent children, moving beyond traditional presentations. Building a Supportive Ecosystem: Discover concrete tips for fostering open dialogue, creating a home environment optimized for diverse needs, and establishing predictable and supportive routines.   Audio Program: https://www.huddlewisdom.com/empathicdiscipline   

In this episode of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast, Dr. Davin Tan explores the neuroscience behind teenage meltdowns, their common triggers, and provides evidence-based strategies for parents and caregivers. Learn practical insights into the adolescent brain's development, effective mindfulness techniques, and empathic communication methods to navigate the challenges of raising teenagers. Key Topics Covered: The Neuroscience of the Teenage Brain: Understanding the ongoing development of the prefrontal cortex and its impact on teenage behavior. Common Emotional Triggers: Identifying factors that lead to emotional dysregulation in adolescents, such as academic pressure, social dynamics, and sleep deprivation. Mindfulness as a Neurological Tool: Using mindfulness exercises to strengthen neural connections in the prefrontal cortex and improve self-regulation. The Neuroscience of Empathy: How empathy and active listening facilitate co-regulation and create safe spaces for self-expression. The SAVE Protocol: A structured approach to empathic response: See, Attune, Validate, Empathise.   AUDIO COURSE: Empathic Discipline for Anxious KIds - CLICK HERE

Discover how Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, can empower parents raising anxious children. Dr. Davin Tan unpacks stoic principles and offers practical tools to build emotional resilience—for both kids and parents. From relatable metaphors to stress-busting strategies, this episode provides actionable insights to navigate the challenges of parenting with calm and wisdom. Plus, learn about Dr. Tan's audio course, Making Sense of Anxious Kids (www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids for deeper learning. Tune in and transform your parenting journey!

Childhood friendships aren't always sunshine and rainbows. We're uncovering the hidden manipulation and emotional turmoil kids face in their social circles. Learn about concepts to help your child build resilience and identify genuine connections, before their self-esteem takes a hit.   Sign up to FREE email series : Confusion to Connection (for folk wanting to really help their anxious children) www.huddlewisdom.com/14days 

Is your child struggling with symptoms that might be ADHD, anxiety, or perhaps both? It can be difficult to tell the difference, as these two conditions often share similar characteristics. This episode clarifies the complex relationship between ADHD and anxiety, providing practical tools to help you understand your child's experience.  Discover how to distinguish between ADHD and anxiety, understand the phenomenon of masking, and learn actionable steps you can implement today. For further support, sign up for our FREE email series, "From Confusion to Confidence," and discover how you can best help anxious children: www.huddlewisdom.com/14days

Understanding Separation Anxiety: Separation anxiety is normal, but that doesn't make it enjoyable. The goal is to understand why a child perceives temporary absence as abandonment and how to reassure them. The child's brain acts like an overenthusiastic security guard, setting off alarms when a parent leaves. The child's brain is trying to protect them, but it can be "extra" about it. Signs of Anxiety: Beyond a child treating a parent's departure as a major event, look for these indicators: Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches, particularly on school days. Behavioral changes, like a normally independent child becoming clingy. Sleep changes, including trouble falling or staying asleep, or checking on the parent. The SECURE Method: Dr. Tan introduces the SECURE method, an acronym for managing childhood anxiety. S - Safe Space / neutral space Creation: Create a secure environment, like a "Chill Zone" with pillows and books, where the child feels safe to express their feelings. E - Emotional Validation: Validate the child's feelings instead of dismissing them. For example, instead of saying "There's nothing to worry about," say "I understand this feels scary. It's okay to feel this way". C - Consistent Routines: Children need routines. Create a short, sweet, and consistent goodbye routine. A good routine includes a quick hug, a simple phrase, and a confident exit. A bad routine involves prolonged hugs, tearful goodbyes, and multiple returns. U - Understanding Triggers: Identify anxiety triggers such as new situations, changes in routine, or loss of control. R - Realistic Expectations: E - Empowering Independence: When to Seek Professional Help: Consider professional help if: The child's anxiety severely impacts daily life. The strategies discussed aren't helping after consistent effort. The parent develops anxiety about the child's anxiety. Statistics: Separation anxiety affects about 4% of children under 12. It's equally common in boys and girls. Most children show significant improvement with proper support. Many parents feel like they're the only ones dealing with this.    14 Days from confusion to confidence: FREE email series / course. IT will help you make big changes in your anxious child's life, and yours in my opinion  www.huddlewisdom.com/14days 

In this episode Dr Davin Tan shares his insights about what to look out for so that you can distinguish between what's probably normal age and stage anxiety stuff and what might be more serious.  With his usual brand of self-effacing humour, we hope you'll enjoy this somewhat lighthearted episode about an important topic. If in doubt, please consult a professional.  Making Sense of Anxious Kids Online Course www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids