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An ongoing series of Executive Coaching Tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.
263 Episodes
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Concerned his introversion makes him less effective, a corporate vice president asks for coaching – from an extrovert! Together, the coach and client explore ways to assure his introversion is a strength. Myers Briggs Type Indicator assesses four preferences. One is Introversion and Extroversion. Download a free sample of the profile report here. The six tools unpacked in this episode are: Manage your energyMonitor your self-talkHave ideas readyManage your calendarShar...
2A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope. All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements. Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories: Communication Skills Management Skills R...
Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict. Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you. In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills: AWARENESS and EXPRESSION. The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is: SituationFeelingWantOutcome Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Our tool defines ...
Convinced that participants need to engage in order to learn, a leader is discouraged after the cheerless rollout of her online learning program. She turns to her coach for help facilitating virtual groups. Tools in this episode: Tone-setting at the opening: Get people engaged by using the chat to think together;Get people engaged by thinking about how they will show up (ground rules);Ask: “How engaged do you want to be?” Rank 1 – 7 in chat. (#3 came from Michael Bungay Stanier who wrote...
Knowing she’s never been good with people, a leader seeks coaching to her deepen relationships in ways she can tolerate. Two ways to deepen workplace relationships: Matching & Curiosity 4 Ways to Match: Match Purpose Match Energy Match Conversations Match Vulnerability Express Curiosity by Asking Deep Questions Make sure your questions are open-endedInvite reflectionKeep the other person talking Answering questions powerfully is another way to deepen relationships...
A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him. Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader. The four steps in Sorting & Labeling: Use a headlineUse a numberLabel each numberTransition with clarity See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Label...
A leader was given one goal for his coaching: improve how he answered questions. Knowing he struggled with this not only at work, but at home, he asked his coach for tools. Our free PDF shows the two scripts: one for closed-ended questions, one for open-ended. Download it here. Don’t assume you know why people ask what they ask. You don’t. Ever. The closed-ended script: Answer what’s askedMatch LengthCheck for understandingThen add your detailsNo mattress stuffing! I...
A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem. The three self-esteem practices are: Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourselfSelf-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy”Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not. Download our free Feeling Words Grid. The Tools bin with other free resources is here. Four ways to...
A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential. Categories in the archive to explore: Developing New Behaviors Executive Presence Perception – How You’re Perceived Six episodes to dive into: 189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally 178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars 168 - Influence 108 - Shouldering the Burden of Leadership 23 - Speed of Thought ...
A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. Categories in the archive to explore: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentation Skills Six episodes to dive into: 34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh 77 - The Power of Rehearsal 65 - Sorting & Labeling 180 - Becoming Expert 114 - Gravitas 124 - Personal ...
A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode: When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?” Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” I...
A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations. The 3 listening mindsets: Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separate Download the free multi-page learning tool about listening here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive: Communication Skills Managing Yourself Relationship Building Five episodes you might...
Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy. Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/ Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxie...
Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy. The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling: “The Executive Impostor” Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership” Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren Bennis The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman Additional tools ...
A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF. In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions. Th...
Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like. Resources for Building Your Networking Skills Leverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report. Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network” Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech” 10 Rules for Networking Link to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Too...
An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode: The purpose of networking is to know people.Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself. Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Sto...
Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves: Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your Nerves Here is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0 Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here. For Coaches! 2 Resources! 1. Coaching Stories Podcast 2. Executive Co...
Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here. Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here. Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here. This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories: For...
A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too. The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement. Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archiv...
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Thank you so much for this super helpful topic and the framework you shared I will definitely start putting it into practice! Self-esteem is such a critical issue for so many people.
Tom, thank you so much for this episode. It was refreshing to hear how to really listen, and more importantly to get the other person to continue talking. I can't way to practice the first words concept
This is very timely for me. Thank you! 
Love the tools! I will be downloading your PDF to help me with coaching upward. I’d like to suggest that your revamped observations on the marshmallow test may have some additional influences. You mentioned privilege being one of them, perhaps also high on the level of influence could be training and parental influence. It does not require wealth or social stature to influence children to be open to being well taught and well disciplined. 
This was extremely helpful! Thank you! This is very helpful! There is a recurring set of circumstances where my inner critic tries to tell me that there will be a negative outcome. I will put into practice, what you did by getting it placed on something outside of me, naming it, choosing to not let it dictate the outcome, and imagine a positive ending.
“It is not possible for me to create an emotion in others.” Very insightful. I appreciate the reinforcement and reminder that I am not responsible for behaviors and emotions of others. 
This is right in line with an area. I’ve been trying to improve over the last six months. Sorting out the behavior, labeling the behavior and not the person, and sharing whether be good or bad.  Too often, I allow my emotions to take me down the rabbit trail, rather than just sticking to the label. Thank you for the reinforcement and encouragement! 
This is very timely for me, but not as a relates to work, more so as a relates to people I care about and some of their personal and professional relationships. I’ll be able to use these tips to help coach them. Thank you! 
Many thanks for reposting this episode. It helped me think about my own Jack at work and the things that worked and didn't work.
I really appreciate your river analogy!
Thank you for consistently providing us with examples of how we improve our leadership. Translating corporate politics into building relationships is a great way to reframe the attention and attitude. Also, I have found it’s very important to speak up for yourself and your team if you want to help grow your team and grow the business. 
I appreciate the clarity around consensus versus agreement. Very helpful and insightful. 
I appreciate how you help us think through applying these principles at work and in personal relationships. Thank you!
Thank you for always sharing such a valuable and essential insight into leadership! I benefit From your podcast briefly!
Helpful insight. This aid dealing with a new situation in my leadership role where there is a new person I am working with that is very argumentative and difficult. Thank you. 
I love all the podcasts on emotional intelligence and executive presence. I find all the examples very useful in my role. I wish more people in leadership could explore these concepts, but I think egos and the reinforcement of negative behaviors that got them results could be obstacles.
Tom, your podcast, and a few others, like it ,along with key books on leadership have helped me grow in my emotional intelligence. Years ago, I was told that I have no skills in reading a room. Now I have former employees that want me to continue to mentor them.
Wow…great insight! Thanks for helping us break the cycle of self doubt.
I will be sure to put RVP in the practice. I don’t get in front of audiences often, but I am on conference calls with clients, cohorts, and people that I manage every day. Very helpful insights!