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The Relaxed Male

The Relaxed Male

Author: Bryan Goodwin

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Helping men become better men. So they can have stronger bonds and change their mindset with their teenage sons. Through the show, men better understand themselves. Address and develop strategies to overcome the mindsets that hold them back.
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Men Need A Purpose

Men Need A Purpose

2021-03-0428:49

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become stronger after a breakup? In the last 2 years I've had my heart broken twice… how do I begin to feel worthy again? How do you become stronger? Much like you become stronger physically you have to work on it. There are different fields you want to turn your attention to. Like your arms, legs, and chest. You have to work on 4 main pillars. Now I don't know if you are a man or a woman and these pillars really don't apply to just one sex but work for both. With my coaching clients, I walk them through the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. These 4 pillars are The Man’s Mind Man’s Body Man’s Soul Man’s Community Whenever someone goes through a breakup or divorce, people want to slide into a victim mindset. That is the worst thing you can do. It may seem tough but remember it takes two to tango. So, You had a hand in the breakup too. So it is best to work on yourself. Make yourself the number one priority and work on the 4 pillars. Your Mind - This is where you learn. You need to start reading non-fiction books. Listening to podcasts about something that interests you. Start allowing yourself to grow. Focus on yourself by doing thought work on what are the similarities of both of these last two breakups. You may see that you are finding similarities in the type of partner you are teaming up with. Could be that you are going after someone who is pushing you to go against your values. Then again you may be the one who is doing the pushing. Either way, if you take time to think about it you will see similarities in how the relationship crumbled. If you find that you are the problem, awesome! Celebrate that because you have control over it. You are the only person who you can change. So work on yourself. Get better at understanding the why. Accept that your happiness comes from only one place you. It is actually impossible for you to make another person happy. Things in your life cant make you happy. Losing weight cant make you happy. You have to find that thought that makes you happy because your emotions come from your thoughts. Find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. You grow only when you are out of your comfort zone. Your Body - This one is easy in comparison. Get into shape. Eat right. Come to love your body as the vessel that is transporting you around your space. So strenuous activities. Embrace the feeling of soreness. This is part of getting out of your comfort zone Your Soul - Start being creative. Find a hobby or some other activity that excites you. It may be that you start going to the soup kitchen and feeding the homeless. It may be that you take up writing again. Then again you may decide to venture into sculpting or painting. Be creative. You are a creator, and your soul hungers for you to do your passion. Your Community - This is probably the hardest of all the pillars. We are most likely going to neglect our community the most. Even the most die-hard introvert has a community. You need to grow it. Join a church if you don't have one. If a church seems repulsive to you, ok find a civic organization you can be apart of. This will expand your network and help you stay out of your comfort zone. You will be among people and they will help you grow too. Finally, when you do find another person you want to get closer to, don't stop working on your pillars. The reason a person falls in love with you is because of the passion you bring to yourself. That passion and drive are like a candle and when you stop that candle will dwindle. Main Topic Men need a purpose. If not then they start making purposes. They will take up causes that seem noble at the time. Then invariably not take the time to think things through and wind up in a place you don’t like. You will find yourself in waters much too deep. Men need a purpose. Jake Angeli Qshaman is a failed actor who was living with his mother. Even in jail, he feels entitled to certain liberties, such as eating all organic. He has a self-service purpose Edgar Maddison Welch had his older brother die, and according to the available information, this caused him to develop a sense of needing to protect those vulnerable. So he did have a purpose but he really didn’t’ pursue it. He is a struggling dock worker but could have gone into the police or the military. He tried being a fireman but gave it up. He had a noble purpose but didn’t follow through What is a purpose? the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. This is what drives you to get up. You are doing something that fulfills you. That purpose feeds your soul and gives you the drive to keep on.  Men need a why. When you don’t have a solid why. If you don’t you will latch onto anything that sounds slightly reasonable. You will follow a person who has ulterior motives Why do you get out of bed in the morning? A purpose enhances a mans life - This is the need for men to feed their soul A purpose isn’t anything like fame. Many people think they have to get famous or become some type of influencer and that is completely out of order. That is like starting a job for the first time wondering why you aren’t the CEO.  Your purpose causes you to be an influencer. You may not influence many people but when you have a very clear why. Fame doesn’t even enter the equation.
Question of the week By The Brotherhood of Men What is the motivation behind people that voluntarily choose to become parental figures to others even without solicitation? https://qr.ae/pNE9rO Why do affirmations work? Affirmations much like the power of I am, which is an affirmation in itself helps to set your mind into motion what it does best that is making sure it reaches that goal. They affirm a set of beliefs those beliefs can be positive or negative. The reason they work is that you believe what you are saying. So if you believe you have plenty of money for everything you truly want, you know that you don’t have to actually have a scarcity of mindset around money. If you say there is more where that came from you are just doubling up on that thought. If you say you are fat, guess what, you are going to get fat. If you say you are a fit man you will take the steps to make sure that your body fits the image of yourself. If you are a photographer you will  Examples of Affirmations It’s kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney I attract all good things I have plenty of money for everything I truly want I have a choice. I can be angry for what I don’t have or I can be thankful for what I do have. I can not correct my course if I am standing still I am committed to becoming more successful. To do so, I will put my focus on how I can serve others more successfully. I want to cheer on those people living life alongside me Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. I will not focus on what I don’t want to have happen. Instead, I am committed to focusing on what I do want to have happen. I am successful because I refuse to take “no” for an answer. How to use affirmations Your brain is a computer. As you make statements, be it positive or negative it will take those statements and make those items important. This is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Also called the green car phenomenon. That is where you decide to buy a new car and that car ends up being a green Toyota Corolla. After you pull off the lot suddenly you start to see green Toyota corollas everywhere.  This is because your brain has decided that green Toyota Corolla’s are important and must bring those cars to the forefront of your thought. This same thing happens when you are doing affirmations., It lets your computer brain know that You are not going to worry about money. Or that you are not going to eat as much. You are more interested in losing weight than you are in eating another crueler.  The most crucial part of any affirmation is that you have to believe that it is true. That is one reason why so many negative affirmations work because we already believe them when we say them to ourselves. Misconceptions of affirmations That it is just faking it till you make it? Not really, I can be if you don’t believe in what you are saying. But if you believe that you’re a fit man with too much weight on your frame you will make the needed adjustments to fit that mindset. If you are just saying an affirmation and you don't wholly believe it then you just talking to the wind.
What Can You Control?

What Can You Control?

2021-02-1837:45

Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men What's the best way of handling a teenager’s mood swing? Main topic We struggle with controlling things. Many times we try to control the stuff we can’t control. This often leads to lots of different types of suffering. We get angry and show frustration with those things that we are not able to control but really wish we could. What can you control? There are things in your life that you can actually control. These items can be broken down into three categories. Those categories are your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions. Your actions Taking a breath How you hold yourself How you lead The quality of your work Taking responsibility for your part in the scenario Your thoughts Your integrity Gratitude What you say to yourself Whether you play the victim or not Your emotions Happy Sad Anger Gratitude What you can’t control? There are far more things you can’t control that is going on in your life and these can cause so much extra pain and suffering when you try to control them. We worry about how something will react and will not act in that fashion at all.  Your environment Other people, that includes your kids The actions of Other people Why controlling things beyond your control leads to suffering Trying to control stuff creates worry Stress  anxiety
Question of The Week By The Brotherhood Of Men I wonder ...do know or have contact with anyone that helps single parents pull in the missing element of a mother or father energy in parenting as a single parent or co-parent? Andrea Fitzpatrick How do single parents help their child with the opposite sex influence? This can be single mothers with sons or single fathers with daughters. This also goes for single fathers needing to find A feminine influence for their sons and Girls need a masculine influence in their life. The best way is to find someone who is of that nature that you are needing and ask them if they would mind being a mentor for them. So why do sons need both masculine men and feminine women in their lives? It is for balance. Men are good at teaching kids to be tough. That there is, a time and a place for showing emotions and how to act around men. While women are good at helping kids to emote and to gain empathy. As I have mentioned before Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. They complete the whole puzzle. That is what feminists get wrong. That is what men going their own way get wrong. Are we supposed to understand the opposite sex? Not fully, no. Each half has a part to play and those parts are important for all of society. So where do you find someone of the opposite sex to help make sure your child is balanced? Well, a great place is a church. Another place is in your neighborhood. If you don't know your neighbors why not? Get out and introduce yourself. Get to know your neighbors and you will expand your wellspring for helping matters such as this. Linkedin Profile Main topic Now I am not talking about normal physical attraction. Do you have any of these attributes? Whiner This is the person who is either always feeling sorry for themselves, and whining about how much they suck or the person who can't see anything positive The Ask-Hole This is the person who always wants advice but doesn't really want advice. They will always re-ask the question in a new way. Yet they never take that advice or steps you suggest for them to get better. These people are always looking for sympathy in a very people pleaser way. They often want to make people feel important by asking questions though they never really intend on fixing the problem. The Problem Magnet I talked about this last week. This person always has a problem in their life. Often seen as a perpetual victim and sadly they like the attention of having a problem. They want people to feel sorry for them a pat on the back and words of encouragement. The Mooch I was this for a long time. I took and took and took and rarely contributed back. This can be financial moochers for also emotional moochers. They always seem to be just a touch short on time and funds. You can't expect them to even try to pay back because they The Liar You can't trust much if anything that they say. These people will often stretch the truth to fit their needs. If they are caught they work hard to make up another lie to fit that old lie. These people work way too hard in their life because they have so many plates spinning and act as the victim because nobody believes them. The Clinger We all know that one needy child. They cant be alone. Sometimes this is called the clinger. It is good to feel needed but when you are always around 24/7 and you can't do anything alone. All because the clinger is there almost from the moment you appear to the time you leave. These people often are also people-pleasers The People Pleaser This person will do anything to get you to like them. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Yet the People Pleaser is one of the most unattractive people because of the manipulation you will come across. They will lie. They will overbook. They will invade your personal space. They will be the ask-hole. They will do anything to get you to like what they do but it will be hollow. They hide their personality. They won't share their own thoughts in a discussion. They won't accept a person as they are they want to make that person like them. The worst part is that you will accept them at first they are like a Monet painting. Beautiful at first but the close you look at them the bigger mess emotionally they become. So IF you find yourself with any of these attributes find a way to change. It is possible. You can get a coach or join a men's group and let them know what you are wanting to change. They can help hold you accountable by being aware when you are being an ask-hole or a people pleaser. You can start to become a very attractive person just by making changes from these types of people. Contact Bryan Email - Bryan@relaxedmale.com Contact Bryan
I bet you know someone who is a problem magnet. Maybe you are a problem magnet. What is a problem magnet you ask well the definition is quite simple it is that person who is always complaining about something going wrong in their life?   Who’s a problem magnet? Always has a problem Has trouble letting go of problems Actively seeks out problems These are people who always have a crisis in their life Complaining is announcing that you want crap in your life   Why do people become problem magnets? They like the attention Victim mindset They are used to the chaos of a problem   How do you stop being a Problem magnet? Own your dirt Stop Complaining Be grateful for what you have Have a Question for Bryan? Email: bryan@relaxedmale.com
Question of the Week by The Brotherhood Of Men I have low self-esteem, short height, no talent, no skills, average intelligence, and bad social skills. What do I do? How can you find happiness? Many people seem to think that they cant be happy. That is probably true. The reason they can't find a way to be happy is that they don't know the recipe for happiness. The Recipe Now, this isn't my recipe, and I didn't get it from my grandmother or anything. I am not really sure who I got this from but I believe I heard this from Ryan Michler of Order of Man. Yet the recipe is sound. Because you get out of life what you put into it. 1 Part Discipline Yeah, this is the hard part. You have to learn to hold off the short term success for the reward of being disciplined. Many times we want to reach for the cookie on the counter instead of going for the lower weight. Discipline is not always comfortable. Yet if you accept the discipline you will find that the discomfort isn't that bad. Holding off the short term reward for your long term gain will offer so many better skills for your life. So Why Discipline? Because in real life order is needed. Look at those people who are actually lacking discipline or just want to live life on a whim. You see they really don't get anywhere. Having discipline is like the rudder in your life. You are willing to do what is needed to get to your goals. IF you are just floating along the river of life without a rudder you may get to where you are wanting but those chances are very very unlikely. 1 Part Purpose You have to have a drive. Having a purpose in doing something is the gas in your tank. You need to know why you are going after that particular goal. You need to see what that goal is and have a clear picture of what it will look like when you get there. Find your purpose and remind yourself daily on your why. 2 Parts Gratitude This is the leavening agent for your life. Gratitude is what sets your mindset to the growth and Abundant mindsets. You are willing to try because you see that even when you fail you are learning. Your attitude is more positive and your life is no as hard. You can endure the discomfort of the discipline. When you have gratitude.
Main Topic How can you tap into the power of your mind? The answer is the question. How many times have you asked yourself useless questions? Like why am I fat? or Can I make a dumber question? The reason those are useless is that they go against what you are wanting to be answered. The great computer Your mind is a great computer and if you ask it a question it will find the answer to that question you ask. So, if you do ask why are so dumb it will find all the reasons you have a low IQ. If you ask why you are fat it will give you all those reasons and that will reinforce your overweight problem. Ask Powerful Question What does this make possible? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the next step I can take? What am I grateful for? What Am I going to get accomplished tomorrow?
  This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn't serve all the time but why kids do rebel. How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.
Holding Space

Holding Space

2021-01-0733:59

Main Topic What do does it mean to hold space? You may have heard people say this from time to time and it sounds a bit odd. Holding space. How could one possibly hold space for yourself or anybody else? That is what I want to actually help you understand this week. How do you hold space for anybody including yourself? What do I mean by holding space? In a nutshell, holding space is not acting right off the bad. We jump in to help our wives when they are having a hard day. We are trying to fix a problem and in reality, they don't want us to fix it they want us to help hold space for them. Holding space is just being there for the other person. You can also call it being present. Be fully with a person, not just sit by them and think of the camping trip. Holding space means you are present with your mind body and with emotions. This is something we guys have a hard time doing because we are looking for solutions we are fixers. Yet as a skill it helps us to connect with our wives on a deeper level. It provides us with the ability to help her feel emotionally safe. When our wives feel emotionally and physically safe they are more receptive to wanting to be frisky. Many times when we are not holding space we make comments that cause our spouse or kid to feel judged and though there are times and places to for placing judgment on an activity it isn't when someone is being emotionally vulnerable and needing your help. So how do you hold space for someone or even yourself? Holding Space Focus your listening Hear what they are saying many times we hear with our own thoughts. This can be a challenging task, and to keep focused on what and how a person is saying something can really be a challenge. Yet if you can develop the skill of being present and listening you can make strides that man men fail at doing. Stay out of problem solving mode Yes men it isn't about the nail. Guys, we know all about this and we feel the man if that classic video "It's Not About the Nail" This hits both sides of the man and woman dynamic so well. She knows there's a nail in her forehead but she doesn't want to have the nail removed she wants to talk about it. https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s That is what it's like to not jump to fix-it mode. just hear what your son or your wife is saying and connect with them on a different level instead of just running into a room with your tool belt on. > Take yourself out of the equation What would you do if you were in their shoes? Well in all reality it doesn't matter. Your experience would be completely different than your wife's experience. If you want to understand what she is talking about sit and listen and take yourself out of the equation. even is you are a part of the equation put a blank placeholder in your stead. Remove yourself from the story and look at it from a third-party perspective. Hold back the judging THis can be tough. Hear what they have to say get all the evidence first. Then don't just point out their shortcoming right off the bat. You may help lead them to the point where they take responsibility for their part of the scenario. Jumping in and say "I don't believe you" is like taking what they are saying wading it up and wiping your backside with it and then tossing it in the trash. Hold off on judging them while you are holding space. Notice the emotions you feel You are going to experience different emotions as the other person is talking. Notice them and turn back to the person. You don't have to act on that emotion right away.
Building Respect

Building Respect

2020-12-3136:23

Question of the week by The Brotherhood Of Men. I handled all the finances. The kids well being, cleaned, full time career, still got told I wasn’t enough. So it’s really just up to what the woman thinks anonymous There is so much that is wrong with this comment first the guy is making the comment from a victim mindset. He does all of these things for the family and is getting no recognition or respect. This is sad but my question is what is his part of the situation. From what I was able to gather from the comment itself is that he is playing the nice guy and is setting up silent contracts about the situation with his wife and she is tired of him not stepping up and doing his part. Instead of hiding from his marital duties the gentle man needs to start stepping it up or he is going to lose everything and probably blame the wife. Main Topic This week talking about respect and how do you get it. I start of with asking the important question of who are you trying to gain respect from? It may not serve you to try to get Ed from accounting's respect when you work in R&D. After that we venture into the trouble with respect is that you can take a lifetime to build up your respect and only one instance of losing integrity to have all that you work for come crashing down. Finally we talk about what is needed to build respect with others. You need consistancy-Be dependable. much like an old ford,- make the adventures of learning something new fun and people will be more willing to follow. If you fail at something take it as a learning experiance and move on. you have to make sure you are going to be where you say you are and do what you say you are going to do. You have to be constant with your words and how you use them. If you become eratic people have a hard time trusting you. Own your dirt - We make mistakes all the time. but if youif and when you do then own your dirt. Fessup to your srew up. Trying to point fingers at other people doesn't build respect. They only make others fear that you are going to blame them for your shortcomings next. Be open to learning Speak your mind
If you have followed this blog for a while you know I am big on setting up goals but I really suck at keeping them. I have claimed more than once I am an average man but I am becoming extraordinary. The reason I say this is because I am in the same boat you are. Maybe you are listening to this in 5 years down the road and you are thinking I could never get to where I am and that is going to be true if you keep telling yourself those types of lies. Yet If you have seen my record for keeping and completing my goals You know that I have failed time and time again. So many may think that I need to just give up on making goals. That is the farthest from the truth. I have reviewed the past 3 years of this blog. I have tried different ways to keep my goals in mind and going. Yet if you see my goals of 2020 were gone way gone. So how am I going to keep my goals this year? I am focusing on the system. The means more than the end would be a better way to put it. I know what my objective is and instead of the end goal, I am going to have 365 mini-goals that are meant to get me closer to the end goal. Weight Loss – Man’s Body For instance, my weight loss is going to be walking 15 minutes each day. At the end of the day before I get into the shower I am going to do a total of 20 pushups 20 sit-ups/crunches. Then do maybe 20 burpees. Doing this each day is a completion of my daily goal and this should get me closer to my target goal. More visitors – Man’s Soul Getting a hundred visitors a day is my goal still. I haven’t gotten that far yet but I am way farther than I was last year and even closer to having that amount than I was the year before that. So I am making progress and that is because I have had a system in place for increasing reads and visits. Sometimes I really hit it off as I did with my Neverending story article. That post actually brings in more visitors than my old video post. So, I am trying some new tactics that will be implemented this next year to incorporate pop culture and how you can see the philosophies in action Maybe More Video’s – Man’s Soul Now this one I haven’t really developed any system for and I am processing how I can fit this into my very tight weekends. I would like to make more videos again. I didn’t make any for the past few years and I actually miss them. I would like to start fitting live streams into the process too. Again I have to do some thought work on how to fit this into my weekends. Better Networks – Man’s Soul & Community Now I have noticed one problem that has risen over and over again with each business I have tried to start. I don’t talk to people. That whole build it and they will come? doesn’t really work. Yeah, I get people to stop by my site but the information isn’t giving you enough trust in who I am, yet. I am going to change that. The system that I am going to have in place is to talk have 5 people go through the FORM of communication progression. I learned this just recently from the Dream Think Do podcast. FORM stands for From/Family – Where are you from? Who do you know? Talk about specific topics about that area that the other person is from. Occupation – What do you do for a living? Recreation – What do you like to do in your spare time? Motivation – What are your dreams? I want to do this 5 times a week. I would do more and it is possible to do more. If I can then I will. I just want a minimum much like how I write. Saturdays are my day for writing but I try to write a little each day. So I can talk to people and get a relationship started. The more I can talk to these strangers and get to know them the more chances I have to build a professional relationship with them. Going To Church – Man’s Community This sounds easy. It is every Sunday morning so it shouldn’t be hard to make it to church once a week. Yet there are so many times that I can come up with excuses as to why I can’t go. Yet this is the one thing I feel I absolutely need to do. It will help me on two fronts. Getting to know more people, and actually have the possibility of growing my business through the skills I developed while in church. So How do you make a system? Well, the honest truth is I am not fully sure I am figuring this out myself. Yet I have a belief that it is baby steps. Think of the goal you want to accomplish. Is it to have a new car. Then set up the goal. Then think of every obstacle you will face. Write those possible worries and obstacles down. You then have enough information to actually set up your system. If it is enough to buy a new car then you may choose that each pay period you set aside $100 or maybe 10% of your paycheck. Rinse and repeat till you have enough for the car you want. As you see there really isn’t a deadline as much as you know what the goal is. Your successes are in working the system instead of forgetting the goal. You are taking those baby steps each time you work the system. You get 1% better that is all you need to do. 1% and you will eventually get ahead of those who are sitting at home watching Netflix and not getting better. With that getting better you draw the attention of your wife and your son. Eventually, they wonder what is happing to you and they start to pay attention.
I Have A Confession

I Have A Confession

2020-12-1750:43

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora Question by Roderick Wrenn The topic of the week Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had. I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that. For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt. There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I'm being honest I wasn't. Those pillars are the Man's Mind Man's Body, Man's Soul, and the Man's Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them. The Man's Body How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn't walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn't do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn't feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn't try to go walking again. I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did. Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker's cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be. I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true. So I haven't been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop. How am I going to stop that? Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it. These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body. Man's Mind Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don't read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven't addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books. I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year. Man's Soul When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven't really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back and let them suffer and decide when to come to me. How do I get them to come to me? I have to make the needed changes in myself to show them and you that change is possible. I believe it but I have yet to display or apply those changes. Man's Community This is the hard one. I like staying home and working on the blog and planning videos and such, but the lack of meeting people is what is truly holding me back. I have to get out of my comfort zone and start putting myself out there. How? Well, that is the rub ain't it? I believe the best place I can find people who would like to accept me and maybe be able to help them in return is for me to join a church. The church is the only gathering I can think of that goes on during the weekend. I have many different arguments in my head about getting out and meeting people and I understand what those arguments are. It is fear and comfort. I have to fight against those thoughts that are keeping me small. Follow the fear and use it as a compass. So I believe the church is the best place to start. From there maybe I can Find out exactly what men are looking for when it comes to helping their sons. What am I going to do? This is where I am making some major changes. Those changes are I am stepping away from the normal goal setting that I used to use. I am seeing that I need systems in place to help me make those goals. I will use goals but I will not just make goals and trying for them. I am making goals and then set up systems so that I am getting closer each time. Much like my 100 visitors a day goal. This year I have gotten even closer to my goals than I have ever before. I am averaging 30-40 visitors a day. My system is to put out 3 pieces of content each week. I then make sure those pieces of content are shared on as many different social media sites as possible. As you can see my appearance in search engines is getting better. So I will share what my systems are going to be for each goal in the next episode.
Question of the week - brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Should the government play any role in the parent/child relationship? Are there circumstances where outside involvement/support/restrictions is/are acceptable? Who gets the final say in what happens to a child? on Quora Main Topic Toxic what? Yeah The topic this week is a little out there. According to some people you can actually be too happy. Which in my thought is a bunch of whoey. And this is for many different reasons the biggest being that you can make people feel bad for being happy. Now if you have listened to any of the other shows you know that you can't make anybody feel anything. They may have a thought about an action but their thought is what makes them feel a particular emotion. They have the choice to feel anything they want. If they choose to feel bad becuase you are in a good mood then that is on them. Another problem I have with this word is the word Toxic this implies that people are able to poison other people and we, as humans, simply don't have that ability. We do not carry toxins in our body. Now I do understand what they are getting at but it is just a horrible miss use of the word so I believe I need to correct it. Now You can use a positive outlook on life if you are trying to repress other emotions but that is again on you you are not going to inflict that on other people if they choose to not be happy.
This week I have a new guest. His name is Michael Mcpherson he is a mens Coach who specializes in Male Sexuality. He helps men get over the problems of porn. we talk about why men get stuck on porn why it doesn’t serve us and the harm it creates to our sons. mod you are interested in Michael’s work you can read more in his book listen to his podcast Book: Everything You Never Learned About Sex Website: https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/ Ceremonial Chocolate Drink: https://www.flykakao.com/ Instagram – @michaeljmcpherson
The First Year

The First Year

2020-11-2629:31

Guests Big Brother Jake Warner - Ep 34 Tripp Lanier - Ep 39 Terry Tucker - Ep50 Coming next week Michael Mcpherson - Ep 53 I was on a few Podcasts Senior Moments The Pragmatic Idealist The Flipped Lifestyle Topics From The Man Box To the 4 pillars Talked a lot about Emotions and where they come from We talked about how to make a statement about your life And the different mindsets and why they matter to you. Stats Downloads: 2,130 First download was Nov 29, 2019 Thank you to the person who downloaded the whole back catalog on Nov 21 Gaana Is huge Places that have listened Zambia Turkey Trinidad The Netherlands England Argentina Peru Brazil Morocco Mexico Website Still growing I am getting more and more people to the site. My goal of getting 100 visitors are closer now than when I first started but I am not finally getting organic searches to my site which only started really happening this year. New additions The Question of the week Where are we going? Live event and more Brotherhood of Men
The Silent Contract

The Silent Contract

2020-11-1928:34

The Question of the week Brought by Brotherhood of Men   The Main Topic This week we are talking about the silent contract or silent hit on those we say we love. The Silent Contract The silent contract is when we don’t do something to wait it out for the other person to get the hint and when the other person doesn’t take those hints it brings forth hurt feeling and frustration. Maybe it is the trash is getting full. Do you wait for your spouse to notice it and take it out on their own or do you just take it out? Many of us just wait. Maybe you are frustrated with your sex life and so you decide you just withhold your advances till she makes the first move. You being in a victim mindset don’t say anything about this to your wife. So does she notice that you are not trying to have sex with her anymore? Yep, she notices and wonders what she did wrong. Why are you so distant? This creates fear in your significant other and a breakdown of communication even more. Maybe we get a new coat or hairstyle and we don’t say anything to see if the spouse notices. Only to end up disappointed because they don’t say anything. What is the silent contract? Sometimes called a silent hit. It is the test to see if somebody loves us or the test that we give to somebody else and don’t tell them that they are being tested. You are not doing a study you want to prove a point so you stack the odds against them and hope that they fail. What does this do for the relationship? Well, it hurts that relationship. It sets your loved one up for failure and then you swoop in and continue to beat them up more so that you can prove that you were right. This erodes the trust between two people and when that trust is gone it is near impossible to get it back. It also shows that there is no communication When we don’t voice what our expectations are how are other people in your lives suppose to know? You have to talk to others in your life. Let them know what you expect and convey that reason in a way so that they are able to understand why it is important to you. Communication is one of the biggest building blocks in a relationship. Humans are horrible mind readers and so if we don’t talk and say exactly what we mean and want, those we are with will not know what to do. Yeah, they may figure it out. But those little hints are often annoying and give a different message than what you think they mean. We also set ourselves up to fail. We sometimes put a silent hit on ourselves. When we are going to do something or take on a challenge without a plan. This isn’t exactly the same as our silent contracts    
First Empty Your Cup

First Empty Your Cup

2020-11-0536:53

Question of the Week Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to My mom and I have been getting into fights. We’re both tired of it, but always seem to argue. How do I make things good again? on Quora Main Topic There is an old story about how a University professor came to China and was talking to a Zen Master about Zen. As they talked the Zen Master was serving tea. The master started pouring the tea till it was right up to the lip of the cup. Then he kept pouring until the saucer was full and finally the professor could hold his tongue anymore and blurted out its full you can’t get any more in! The Zen master replied, “This is you. How can I teach you Zen unless you empty your cup?” No, this week’s post isn’t about being zen or anything like that. It is about what are you putting in your cup are you emptying your cup or are you keeping your cup full. Are you listening to what is being said or are you just holding on to your preconceived thoughts? Are you Emptying Your Cup? Are you getting rid of any preconceived notions that you have and looking at a problem or listening with a completely open mind? Are you learning and applying those lessons you learned? You have 2 ears and one mouth Listen twice as much as you speak. You can hear what people are saying even if they don't agree with you. You can at least understand why they think the way they think. Empty Those Preconceived Notions Ask questions for understanding. Yeah, you may have your facts together but are they in order? The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west but the sun doesn’t revolve around us. You may find out that you have some facts but there is a different way to look at those facts. Apply what you have learned before you take on more So many learn and learn and learn and never apply what they have learned. They are those people who have a hundred books about starting a business but never have applied that knowledge. The professional Convention attendee. These folks are always learning instead of applying the knowledge they learn. Learning and knowledge do you no good till you apply that knowledge into a skill. Subscribe To The Podcast Sign up for a Coaching Discovery Call
The Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to How can I get good grades living with a toxic family? My stepdad hates me and always starts yelling at my mom or just in general when it is a lecture or test. on Quora Main Topic Have you even made a Life Statement? Do you even know what A life statement is? What is a life statement? This is a statement that give you direction into the best way to use your talents and your core values to help you make the best impact in your world. Why are life statements needed? they help you keep the course. You are able to see the big 30,000-foot view of where you are wanting to be. How do you get a life statement? Find your talents Find your Core values Decide what type of impact you want to make You can then lay your life statement out into a means that best describes what you want to do.
Find Who You Are

Find Who You Are

2020-10-2233:09

Question of the Week - Courtesy of The Brotherhood of Men Comes from a Youtube Comment but user D in response to the last episode Don't Settle "Don't settle for what? Lmfao. Some people don't have any choice in their circumstances you ignorant f***. By the way, no matter what action you take during your life, it ends EXACTLY the same way -…" D Youtube User Now sadly either he deleted the comment shortly after posting it or Youtube removed it. Either way, there is something wonderful about this comment. I love my haters they are hurting so much that they ask for help without realizing that they are doing so. This is a great example of how people react through projection. D here shows you how he sees the world as a hopeless endeavor and you are apparently screwed no matter what you do. Main Topic Finding who you are Find your core values Why are core values important? Your values help you to not only make decisions but also help make sure you conduct your life in a means you find worthy. How do you find your core values? Self-reflection Use a list Use your Brotherhood friends & family   Facebook group Raising Confident Men
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