Untamed Ember

What happens when your body aches for more touch than your partner, friend, or family can give—or when you crave space while someone else longs to connect? In this radically honest episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty dives deep into the science, shame, grief, and negotiation of “touch hunger” and mismatched touch needs. Discover why touch is a real biological need, how neurodivergence, trauma, fat liberation, and disability justice shape who gets touched (and who doesn’t), and get practical tools, scripts, and rituals for navigating the awkward, brave, and beautiful work of honoring your body’s truth. Whether you’re touch-starved, touched-out, or somewhere in between, this episode is your permission slip to need what you need—without apology.   Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - How To Get Physical Touch(00:00:47) - What Is Touch Hunger?(00:06:05) - What You Need to Know About Mismatched Touch Needs(00:12:06) - What Kind of Touch Need Do You Have?(00:18:54) - How to Deal with Unmet Touch Need(00:26:45) - You're allowed to ask for more touch this week

Is waiting agony for you? Do you feel anxious when a conversation goes quiet, or does time vanish when you’re hyperfocused? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty unpacks how ADHD and neurodivergent brains experience time differently—why pauses can feel like punishment, and why mismatched tempos create conflict, shame, and communication breakdowns. You’ll get a science-backed, radically honest look at time perception, plus practical tools and conversation scripts to make your own “time warp” visible and workable in relationships, work, and daily life. Perfect for neurodivergent folks, partners, friends, and anyone ready to ditch urgency culture and honor their real rhythm. Listen, share, and join the Untamed Ember rebellion—because your tempo isn’t a flaw, it’s your superpower. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts, and join The Untamed Ember Newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives, resources, and freebies. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Agony of Waiting(00:00:34) - Understanding Neurodivergent Time Perception(00:01:36) - The Neuroscience Behind Time Blindness(00:04:35) - Impact on Conversations and Relationships(00:12:37) - Practical Tips for Fast Processors(00:14:25) - Practical Tips for Slow Processors(00:15:59) - Navigating Time Warps in Relationships(00:19:33) - Time Perception in Work and School(00:21:51) - Time Perception in Intimacy and Friendships(00:24:41) - Daily Life and Survival Strategies(00:26:20) - Conclusion: Embracing Your Unique Tempo

Subscribe to the Untamed Ember newsletter for free resources, weekly insights, and more SOFT practices: untamedember.kit.com. Are you haunted by old stories in your sex life—shutdowns, freeze responses, numbness, or shame that shows up right when you most want to be present? In this episode, Dr. Misty takes you deeper than talk therapy, into the places your body holds ancestral scripts about pleasure, safety, and desire—sometimes generations deep. Discover how your fascia acts as the body’s living archive, and learn the basics of SOFT (Somatic-Oriented Fascia Therapy), Misty’s original approach for working with tissue-level memory and nervous system liberation. You’ll hear stories, get practical ways to notice your “ghosts,” and find out why your pleasure isn’t something you have to earn—it’s your birthright.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Misty on Ghosts in the Bedroom(00:03:04) - What Fascia Really Does to Your Body(00:10:32) - Soft Therapy for Awakening the Ghost of Sexual Performance(00:16:41) - When Your Body's Haunted by Old Stories

Grab your FREE content and weekly shame-smashing resources at untamedember.kit.com — where every part of you belongs. — Ever notice that right when things get steamy, your brain turns into a Twitter feed of insecurity? Welcome to the world of parts work, sex edition. In this episode, Dr. Misty dives headfirst into Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and how your inner critic, perfectionist, rebel, caretaker, and shame-burdened exiles all love to crash your sex life. We’re talking about: Why sexual difficulties are rarely about “technique”—and almost always about internal parts fighting for airtime How the Performance Manager, Hypervigilant Protector, People-Pleasing Caretaker, and your spicy inner exiles hijack your pleasure Specific, actionable strategies to check in with your parts, speak for them, and actually integrate their wisdom instead of letting them run wild Neurodivergent masking, sexual spontaneity, and why you might feel disconnected or stuck in performance mode (again) Real talk: The parts of you that want connection, the ones that want control, and how to get them working together instead of fighting for the mic  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com — Subscribe for weekly resources: untamedember.kit.com Podcast + show notes at untamedember.com — #SexTherapy #InternalFamilySystems #PartsWork #SexualHealing #NeurodivergentSex #ShameFreeSex #QueerSexuality #TraumaInformedSex #UntamedEmber #SexualLiberation Chapters (00:00:00) - The Critic in Your Sex Life(00:02:05) - How to Love Your Sexual Life(00:02:59) - What Are the Parts of Your Sex Life?(00:09:27) - How to Work With Exile Parts in Sex(00:14:25) - How to Work With Protective Parts in Sexual Life(00:20:51) - Working With Your Parts in Sexual Relationships(00:22:08) - Partners Awareness

Get weekly, radical resources and bonus episodes free at untamedember.kit.com — Your pleasure deserves better. — Ever wondered why your brain is a full “hell yes” but your body suddenly ghosts the moment things heat up? Or why your nervous system sabotages even the sexiest situations? In this no-holds-barred episode, Dr. Misty goes full trauma nerd on the vagus nerve—that misunderstood highway running between your brain, your body, and your ability to actually stay present for pleasure. We’re not talking about generic “just relax” advice or another meditation app download. We’re hacking your actual sexual nervous system with trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly, science-backed strategies. Discover: Why your vagus nerve can’t mind its business during sex (and how it becomes an accidental cockblocker) How chronic stress, trauma, and neurodivergence set the stage for “nervous system sabotage” The real reason arousal sometimes flips to anxiety, shutdown, or sensory overwhelm—and what to do about it Practical, immediately usable hacks for vagus nerve stimulation, breathwork, movement, and sensory support before and during sex Why the neurodivergent brain needs rituals and “transition time” for pleasure—and how to build them This episode is for every beautifully complex, neurodivergent, queer, or trauma-impacted human who’s tired of being shamed for their body’s boundaries. Your sexual nervous system isn’t broken—it’s just never been given the tools (or the respect) it deserves. Let’s fix that.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Mysterious Vagus Nerve(00:01:50) - Understanding Vagal Tone and Sexuality(00:02:47) - The Role of the Vagus Nerve in Sexual Response(00:05:23) - Challenges Faced by Neurodivergent Individuals(00:07:02) - Common Patterns of Vagal Dysfunction During Sex(00:09:40) - Daily Life and Its Impact on Vagal Tone(00:12:20) - Practical Interventions to Improve Vagal Tone(00:18:33) - Morgan's Transformation: A Case Study(00:21:28) - Specific Techniques for Common Sexual Difficulties(00:23:56) - Conclusion: Embracing Your Nervous System

Ever had sex with a partner who was physically present but clearly somewhere else? Welcome to the “What the Fuck Just Happened?” club. This episode is for every partner who’s ever wondered why their neurodivergent, trauma-impacted, or just beautifully complex lover seemed to disappear mid-connection—while their body kept going through the motions. Dr. Misty (Untamed Ember) breaks down what dissociation really looks like during sex, why it’s not a Yelp review of your skills, and how to create the kind of safety that brings your person back—without pressure, shame, or performance. Learn how to spot the subtle signs, what to do (and NOT do) when it happens, and why real intimacy means honoring nervous system reality, not just consent on paper. We’re throwing out the toxic scripts about sexual perfection, reclaiming what it means to love someone with trauma, and getting nerdy about co-regulation, nervous system signals, and non-performative presence.   Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - The Secret to Intimate Sex With a Ghost(00:02:10) - This Is What Really Happens During Sex When Your Partner Dissoci(00:07:37) - How To Help Your Partner When They're Dissociated(00:10:34) - What to Do When Your Partner's Sexual Body Is Distracted(00:16:58) - How to Support a Partner Who Dissociates During Sex(00:20:21) - How to Support a Trauma Survivor During Sex(00:22:21) - How to Love Your Partner's Sexual Dissociation

Get weekly free resources and bonus podcast episodes—sign up for the Untamed Ember newsletter at untamedember.kit.com. Ever felt like your body was sabotaging you during sex, even when your mind and heart were all-in? In this episode, Dr. Misty unpacks the wild world of somatic therapy and why your body’s “weird” responses are actually wisdom in action—not dysfunction. We’ll break down how shame, trauma, and neurodivergence shape our sexual scripts, and why honoring your authentic needs is the most revolutionary act of all. This episode covers: The science of why bodies freeze, tense, or check out during intimacy (even with safe partners) SE, Hakomi, and TRE—somatic tools that let you finally listen to your nervous system (instead of fighting it) How to create a personalized “sexual map” so you know exactly what your body needs to feel safe and turned on Radical embodiment, embodied consent, and how to build authentic sexual healing without performance, perfection, or shame Includes real stories, hands-on practices, and that signature Untamed Ember mix of humor, rebellion, and real talk. Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com   Chapters (00:00:02) - What If Your Body Is the Problem With Sex(00:03:09) - Your Body Is Trying to Protect You From Sex(00:06:10) - Somatic Experiencing, or SE for short(00:09:24) - What Is Haikomi?(00:12:12) - TRE: Consent to Move Your Body(00:17:29) - The Sexual Practices You Need to Start Using(00:24:30) - This Week's Sexual Somatic Intelligence Map(00:26:51) - Untamed Women: Misty with

Ever burst into tears during a massage or felt grief bubble up when you’re just trying to sleep? You’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, Dr. Misty pulls back the curtain on fascia: your body’s secret emotional archivist. We’ll break down what fascia actually is (think: way sexier than raw chicken), why it hoards every microtrauma and shutdown, and how those mysterious aches, pains, and restless nights are actually your body keeping score. From chronic jaw tension to pelvic floor pain to the sleep-shame spiral, you’ll learn why your “tight hips” are holding old grief, why your jaw’s clenching on unsaid truths, and why stretching just isn’t enough. Most importantly, we’ll explore erotic rest—not just as self-care, but as an act of radical rebellion and embodied pleasure for trauma-impacted, neurodivergent, and queer bodies. Get practical tools for fascial release (no, not torture with foam rollers), and learn why tenderness—not performance—is your body’s true path to safety, pleasure, and finally, real rest. Listen in for: The real deal on fascia as emotional memory How trauma and shame live in connective tissue The “fascia-sleep-shame loop” (and how to break it) Science-backed, anti-perfectionist tools for reclaiming rest and pleasure Why erotic rest is a liberation movement, not a wellness trend  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:03) - Why Your Fascia Holds You Back(00:04:27) - How Fascia Is the Keeper of Your Emotional History(00:09:53) - Fascial Holding Patterns and the Sleep Struggle(00:16:12) - How to Rest Your Fascial Tension(00:18:58) - Fascial Release for Emotional Unwind(00:22:16) - Body's Fascia Memory and Rest

Why does your brain turn into a haunted house the minute you finally feel safe enough to rest? Why do so many trauma-impacted, neurodivergent adults struggle with sleep—even when nothing is “wrong” on the outside? Welcome to Untamed Ember, where Dr. Misty dives headfirst into the Polyvagal Paradox—that infuriating reality where your body refuses to relax, no matter how perfect your sleep hygiene or how many weighted blankets you own. In this episode, we break down: Why sleep is the ultimate act of vulnerability—and why your nervous system might see it as a threat, not a reward How trauma, neurodivergence, and chronic stress rewire your body’s ability to rest (and why “just relax” is a setup for shame) The difference between “tired but wired” insomnia and emotional collapse sleep—and why you might bounce between both The real role of fascia, hypervigilance, and your window of tolerance in sleep struggles (not just “bad habits”) How polyvagal theory reveals the secret language of your sleep cycles—plus what “false ventral” looks like at 2AM A client story that proves: Your sleep isn’t broken, your nervous system is just a damn good protector Radically practical, non-performative tools for reclaiming rest: deep pressure, rocking, Yoga Nidra, body scan journaling, and the lost art of letting your sleep be weird This isn’t another lecture on blue light and bedtime routines. It’s a rebellious, trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly call to stop blaming yourself for sleepless nights and start building genuine nervous system safety—at your own pace, with your own rules.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:07) - It's Always 3am Again(00:00:49) - How to Sleep When You're Unable to Sleep(00:02:15) - Why Sleep Isn't Safe For Some People(00:05:36) - Why Your Sleep Isn't Restful(00:09:14) - How Neurodivergence Affects Your Sleep(00:13:52) - How to Sleep Better With Chronic Insomnia(00:17:25) - The Most Ridiculous Part of Sleep Struggles(00:18:19) - Why You're Not Safe to Sleep(00:21:36) - 5 Ways to Rest Your Body (That Actually Work)(00:26:56) - Reclaiming Sleep in Your Nerves(00:29:05) - How to Get More Sleep

When someone in authority told you "your body isn't really yours," that messaging didn't just live in your mind—it rewired your nervous system. In this revolutionary episode, Dr. Misty exposes how high-control systems, particularly religious environments, strategically target sexuality as their primary mechanism of control. We dive deep into the neurobiology of religious sexual conditioning, exploring how it creates internal "parts" that continue enforcing these rules long after you've intellectually rejected them. But this isn't just about understanding the damage—it's about liberation. Discover practical, somatic approaches to reclaim your erotic sovereignty, decolonize your nervous system, and develop an embodied sexuality that genuinely belongs to YOU, not to systems that sought to control you. Because your pleasure isn't just personal—it's political resistance against institutions that weaponized shame to maintain power.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:02) - Sexual Liberation: The Shadow of High Control Systems(00:09:17) - How to Stop Shame Over Your Sexuality(00:10:01) - Internal Family Systems: The Protective Parts(00:19:22) - Reclaiming Your Sexual Sovereignty(00:24:31) - Reclaim Your Body From High Demand Control

Ever wanted sex but found yourself mentally checking out, counting ceiling tiles, or suddenly reorganizing your mental sock drawer instead of feeling pleasure? In this raw, neuroscience-backed episode, Dr. Misty breaks down why your body sometimes hits the emergency eject button during intimacy—even when you enthusiastically consented. Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, we explore how trauma, religious shame, and societal conditioning create nervous system patterns that can override conscious desire. This isn't just theory—you'll get actual, practical, neurodivergent-friendly tools to expand your capacity for staying present during pleasure. Because your disconnect isn't a defect; it's your brilliant body trying to protect you. Time to reclaim your birthright to embodied joy as an act of radical resistance.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Unspoken Disconnect(00:01:02) - Understanding the Disconnect: You're Not Broken(00:01:37) - Polyvagal Theory: Decoding Your Nervous System(00:02:45) - Three Key Insights: Practical Neuroscience(00:05:13) - Recognizing Dysregulation: Signs and Symptoms(00:11:57) - The Window of Tolerance: Staying Present(00:15:51) - Practical Tools: Expanding Your Capacity for Pleasure(00:20:54) - Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Birthright to Pleasure(00:22:44) - Final Thoughts and Resources

Healing isn’t about linen pants, pastel lighting, and performing peace. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes a flamethrower to the healing industrial complex—the whitewashed, commodified wellness machine that polices our grief, hijacks our rage, and sells calmness like a lifestyle brand. You’ll hear: Why “high vibe only” is toxic nonsense How performative healing silences marginalized bodies What consent-based healing actually looks like How to build rituals that are messy, honest, body-inclusive—and actually yours Plus: a listener question that hits deep—what do you do when healing spaces don’t feel safe, inclusive, or built for you? ✨ Spoiler: You stop shrinking to fit them. You start building something real. Get the companion worksheet: Healing Isn’t Aesthetic – A Shame Detox for the Spiritually Over-It Download it now inside The Ember Vault → untamedember.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to the week's episode on Untamed Ember(00:00:34) - The Healing Industrial Complex Exposed(00:01:55) - The Aesthetic of Modern Wellness(00:04:08) - Exclusion in Healing Spaces(00:05:22) - Weaponization of High Vibes Only(00:07:45) - Consent in Healing Spaces(00:12:53) - Building Personal Rituals(00:18:56) - Listener Question: Finding Inclusive Healing Spaces(00:22:47) - Conclusion and Soft Rage Blessing

What if your healing doesn’t look calm, graceful, or Instagram-worthy—and that’s exactly what makes it real? In this episode, Dr. Misty rips into the toxic trap of performative healing—where spiritual practices become branding, regulation gets weaponized, and “high-vibe only” becomes emotional gaslighting. We’re talking: Why breathwork, yoga, and meditation sometimes don’t work (and why that’s not your fault) Polyvagal theory (but make it sexy, sassy, and trauma-aware) Rage, shutdown, and why calm is not the goal ️ Rebel healing rituals that work with your neurodivergent, overstimulated, gloriously messy body Plus: a listener question that cracked our hearts open—"Why do I feel worse after breathwork?" This episode is your permission slip to rage, shut down, scream into a towel, and call that shit sacred. ✨ Grab the companion worksheet: “Messy, Angry, Whole: A Nervous System Reclamation Map” inside The Ember Vault → untamedember.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Welcome to Untamed Ember: Rage-Cries, Cheetos & Real Healing(00:00:29) - Performative Healing: When Looking Healed Matters More Than Being Whole(00:01:09) - Polyvagal Theory 101: Why Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken(00:02:02) - The Reality of Performance Healing: Calm Mask, Screaming Body(00:09:08) - Weaponized Regulation: When “Stay Calm” Becomes Oppression(00:12:37) - Sacred Rage: The Intelligence of Emotional Fire(00:15:53) - Calm Isn’t the Goal: Dissociation in a Pretty Outfit(00:16:49) - Truth Over Performance: Reclaiming Your Nervous System(00:17:47) - Reclaiming Healing: Burn the Aesthetic, Keep the Aliveness(00:19:13) - Rebel Rituals: Healing Tools That Don’t Perform for Instagram(00:20:38) - Freeze-State Rituals: How to Come Back From Numbness(00:21:37) - Rest As Rebellion: Opting Out of the Healing Hustle(00:23:59) - Breathwork Backlash: Why It Sometimes Makes You Feel Worse(00:27:09) - Nervous System Alternatives: What to Try Instead of Breathwork(00:30:02) - Final Thoughts: You’re Not Too Much—You’re Finally Honest

What if your nervous system isn’t the problem—just the scripts it’s been forced to follow? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes us deep into the erotic brain to unpack how binary gender roles confuse our arousal systems and disconnect us from pleasure. From polyvagal theory to sensory nuance, this one’s for the rebels, the neurospicy babes, and the caretakers who are tired of performing “sexy” instead of feeling it. ✨ Inside this episode: – The four things your brain actually needs for arousal – How masking and performance override your nervous system – Why desire looks different when you're neurodivergent – What to ask yourself when you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t fit Plus: Listener letters from “M” and “Jordan” that hit right in the chest. And a companion worksheet that helps you unmask your real erotic self—available now in The Ember Vault. Show Notes: In this episode, we explore: Why binary sexual roles disrupt the nervous system The science behind safety, novelty, stimulation, and attunement How the Dual Control Model explains desire for neurodivergent folks What happens when sex becomes emotional labor instead of embodied connection Queer relationship dynamics and the haunting echo of gendered scripts A letter from “Jordan” about losing touch with real desire after years of performance Grab the worksheet: Binary Thinking & the Erotic Identity Crisis → Available inside The Ember Vault Submit your own question: hello@untamedember.com (anonymity welcome!) Chapters (00:00:00) - Intro: Your brain doesn’t care about gender roles(00:01:22) - Why binary roles confuse the erotic brain(00:03:08) - The 4 keys of arousal: Safety, Novelty, Stimulation, Attunement(00:09:00) - Story of “M”: Performance vs Presence(00:12:45) - Queer folks + the haunting of roles we didn’t choose(00:15:10) - Listener letter from “Jordan” and the blank space of truth(00:17:25) - This week’s worksheet + closing reminders

What if your low libido isn’t about dysfunction—it’s about burnout from playing someone else’s fantasy? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty burns the binary gender rulebook to the ground and shares a personal story of erotic self-abandonment, performance pressure, and what happens when we confuse dominance with power. We’ll unpack how gender roles are quietly killing desire—for everyone—and explore what it means to step outside the script and tune into your actual wants. ✨ Plus: – Juicy reflection prompts – A listener letter that hits hard – A companion worksheet inside The Ember Vault: Unscripted and Unbothered: Dismantling the Gender Role Turn-Off This isn’t about being more confident. It’s about being more you. In this episode: Why “doing everything right” still left Dr. Misty feeling numb in bed The subtle ways gender scripts hijack our desire A breakdown of Victorian purity culture + modern expectations What to do when your body checks out before you do A listener story (hi Sam!) that captures exactly what erotic exhaustion looks like Journal questions to unlearn performative sex roles This week’s exclusive worksheet inside The Ember Vault Got a question for the podcast? Email hello@untamedember.com (anonymous welcome!) Chapters (00:00:00) - Intro: Your sex drive isn’t broken—it’s exhausted(00:01:42) - Storytime: When dominance became dissociation(00:05:09) - The trap of gender roles in bed(00:07:45) - Cultural roots of sexual performance scripts(00:09:10) - What happens in your body when desire becomes obligation(00:10:20) - Listener letter: “What if I don’t know what I want anymore?”(00:12:30) - This week’s reflection questions(00:13:40) - Your reminder: You’re not too much—you’re done performing