What is Christmas really about? Is Jesus like the “elf on a shelf” toy that we play with once a year? Or is he like Santa, punishing those who are naughty and rewarding those who are nice? It’s easy to get caught up in cultural traditions and forget that the true meaning of Christmas is that God became flesh to dwell among us. Jesus entered into a world of darkness and declared: “I am the light of the world”. Who could make such a claim, and live a life of perfection to back it up? And what does that mean for you today? John and Shay explain the gospel message that God wants to be WITH YOU, and moves towards you in your sinfulness, darkness and brokenness. God took on flesh in the person of Jesus in order to identify with you in your suffering and to forgive your sins. Emmanuel means “God with us”, a comforting declaration that you are not alone in this world, you have a friend in Jesus. If you are looking for hope this Christmas season, this episode will comfort, encourage and awaken your heart to the beauty and wonder of what it means that Jesus is WITH YOU in the weeds of life. The WYITW team wishes you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! You won’t want to miss our NEW SERIES that begins January 8th: Surviving and Thriving After Trauma, so stay tuned for more great content on topics you care about in 2025! If you enjoy listening to With You in the Weeds we’d love to hear from you! You can email us at withyouintheweeds@thecrossingchurch.com or leave us a review. For more great content from the team you can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds.
Have you heard of doom spending? It’s when you spend money you don’t have in order to cope with stress. Without considering the cost, you splurge on a shopping spree to find a little bit of happiness. We know that it’s tempting to do a little doom spending over the holidays, but what will happen when the credit card bills come around? We want to help you think wisely and purposefully about your finances. So in this episode, we’ve brought in two knowledgeable guests to offer guidance on your holiday spending, personal budgeting and long term finance goals. Shay talks with financial planner Kevin Adam, and Molly Harville, long time instructor for the Financial Peace class taught at The Crossing. Both Kevin and Molly have helped many people create a plan to not only get out of debt, but also reach their financial goals. Shay, Kevin and Molly share their insights on topics such as: What does Jesus have to say about money and the temptation to be ruled by it? What does your financial upbringing have to do with decisions you’re making about your money today? How can you fight against envy in your life? How can you curb overspending around the holidays? Is it too late to start saving for your future? How can you teach your kids to make good decisions with money? The bottom line of this episode is: you don’t have to just cover your eyes and swipe the credit card! You can learn the principles behind wise spending so that you can take steps towards financial freedom and peace, even around the holidays. If you want to know how to sign up for the next Financial Peace class at The Crossing or have a question about your finances, email Molly Harville: molly.harville@thecrossingchurch.com Book recommendations: Rich Dad Poor Dad The Psychology of Money If you enjoy listening to With You in the Weeds we’d love to hear from you! You can email us at withyouintheweeds@thecrossingchurch.com or leave us a review. For more great content from the team you can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds.
The most beloved Christmas songs boast that it's the most wonderful time of the year, but is it really true? As counselors, we know that what you see on the outside of people’s lives never tells the full story. Even the beautiful family Christmas card isn’t an accurate picture of reality. The truth is that there’s a lot of sadness and brokenness in this world, and it’s easy to push it away and not enter into it. It’s normal to want to numb yourself or avoid and gloss over the hurt. In this episode John, Shay and Lynn acknowledge that the holidays can both be a time of levity and joy, but can also be a time where we are faced with hard realities. You may have recently lost a loved one, been given an unwanted health diagnosis, or are reeling from a painful breakup. Or maybe you're far away from family or friends and don't feel like celebrating over the holidays. This episode will help you manage the grief you may be experiencing as we discuss: The basic principles of grieving loss Ideas to honor the memory of a loved one Practical ways you can comfort someone who is hurting over the holidays The BEST gift you can give someone this Christmas - and it’s FREE! Stay tuned for two more episodes in our “Keeping Your Sanity Over the Holidays” series!
Picture the scene: you’re sitting in front of the fireplace sipping hot cocoa while chatting quietly with family, reminiscing about the joys of your upbringing and your favorite family moments. Meanwhile, your children sit cross legged on the ground together, silently and peacefully listening with rapt attention. That’s how your holidays go as a family right? HA! If you’re like most people, the holiday season is filled less with peace, stillness, and cooperation and more with frantic, frustrating, and stressful situations. Or at best, a mix of the two. Travel, lack of routine and divided time with relatives and in-laws can make parenting extra challenging. Christian and Andrew Neuenswander, busy parents of 3 young children, can definitely relate to the messiness of gathering with family over the holidays (Pro tip: never leave the house without extra handi-wipes!). In this episode Austin interviews this busy family of 5 about practical tips and suggestions for how you can “keep your sanity” over the holidays as parents. When you finish listening, their insights and perspectives will help you apply these takeaways as you navigate tricky, fun, busy, and complex dynamics over the holiday season so that you can keep your sanity!
Are you looking forward to being with your family over the holidays? Or are you dreading the next family get together? Family drama can not only ruin the holiday spirit, it can create unnecessary hurt and division in a family that’s felt for years to come. John and Lynn designed this episode to help you identify the pain points that lead to family drama: Unrealistic expectations “Hot topic” conversations Complex family logistics Strained relationships This episode offers strategies to help you cope with potential family drama such as: Setting boundaries Practicing self-care Focusing on the positives Engaging in fun activities Taking breaks Accepting family imperfection Limiting alcohol consumption Seeking outside support Having your own family holiday This is the first episode in our new series “Keeping Your Sanity Over the Holidays”, and will allow you to prepare for (or avoid!) family drama and enjoy some holiday spirit.
When relationships don’t work, there is often a sense of loss and heartache. Being single and longing for connection may mean you’re willing to compromise your standards in order to deal with loneliness or fulfill your need for intimacy. Our hookup culture promotes a consumer mindset, detached from emotion, that encourages you to get your needs met without considering spiritual, intellectual or emotional compatibility. But that can lead to unwise dating decisions and further pain. Shay and John share their own personal stories of painful breakups and the time it takes to heal when relationships don't work out. They offer wisdom and guidance when it comes to healing from divorce, how to know when you’re ready to date again, choosing wisely when it comes to finding a spouse and readiness for marriage. If you are single and seeking companionship, or mending a broken heart after a breakup or divorce, this episode will challenge you to consider the importance of not jumping too quickly into a relationship. Singleness is a good thing; a time for personal growth and reflection, and an opportunity to prepare your heart for whatever the future holds. American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus by Lisa Wade If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Are you concerned that you’re on the road to divorce? Maybe you and your spouse have fallen into unhealthy, frustrating, and toxic patterns that leave you wondering if your marriage can work. Now what? In this episode, Lynn, John, and Austin discuss the following patterns you can practice on your own and as a couple that can change the dynamic of your relationship: On your own: Have a funeral for your marriage Pray and journal Take the “Love Style” quiz Get a support team Evaluate your conflict patterns As a couple: Evaluate your conflict patterns Practice a soft start up Learn how to repair after conflict Take a break when needed This is hard work, and it won’t happen overnight. But if and when you, and your spouse, are able and willing (the key phrase!) to practice these together, we’re confident that you’ll be on the road to better and deeper connection. Book recommendations: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Unfortunately, you can’t talk about how to make marriage work without acknowledging divorce. The prevalence of divorce means that everyone has some experience with it and has been negatively impacted when a marriage doesn’t work out. Because divorce is so common, we think it’s worth slowing down to ask: What happened to the marriage? Why didn’t things work out? What were the steps that led to divorce? Could divorce have been prevented? How has the family (and children in particular) been affected by divorce? In this episode, John, Lynn, and Austin discuss the following 3 topics regarding divorce: What the Bible has to say about divorce 4 specific patterns that let you know you might be on the road toward a divorce The tangible and harmful impacts that divorce can have on spouses and children When you listen to this episode, you’ll be more equipped to evaluate the signs and symptoms that indicate your marriage may be in trouble. And once you do that, you can figure out if it’s possible to get off that road to divorce, which is the next episode! So stay tuned… If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
Did you ever get “the talk?” Do you remember feeling encouraged and hopeful, or were you left feeling awkward, ashamed, confused and with more questions than answers? Whatever you might have learned about sex when you were growing up, your view of sex has likely been shaped by our sexualized culture that reduces sex to body parts. At the same time, you also may have been influenced by a church culture that emphasizes “purity” as the sole focus of your spiritual maturity. Yet both of these messages minimize or ignore the beauty and awe of sex that God intended for us to experience and can cause hurt and misunderstanding in marriage. For instance, men may view sex as something they need. And women may feel like they have to have sex with their husband so he won’t seek it somewhere else. In this transparent conversation, Austin and John explore these topics with Sam Jolman, author of The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. Sam lays out a captivating and beautiful view of sex and sexuality (especially for men) that we think will leave both men and women encouraged, equipped, and curious - all of which is needed to understand sex the way God intended it to be. [Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.] If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
This episode might make you blush, it might make you cringe, and it might make you laugh! But if you want to make your marriage work, you’re going to have to address your sex life. Intrigued yet? In this episode Austin and his wife Polly - yes Polly! - discuss: 3 things you NEED to know about sex 4 WRONG messages the enemy, the world, and your desires tell you about sex Specific takeaways for husbands, for wives, and couples in general We hope this episode helps you feel normalized, encouraged, and hopefully willing to address the topic of sex in your marriage wherever and however you need to. [Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.] If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Do you know which habits will make the most positive and lasting impact on your marriage? Although ideas about what makes marriage work change from one generation to another, there are evidence-based habits that characterize a healthy marriage. In this episode, Shay and Lynn explore what toxic behaviors erode your relationships including criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. Using Gottman Institute research and biblical wisdom, this conversation sheds light on why these attitudes and actions do so much harm to your marriage. Then we discuss what 4 habits you’ll want to practice instead: Giving and receiving regular feedback Taking ownership Managing your emotions Cultivating humility and forgiveness There are many benefits to implementing these 4 habits into all of your relationships, and it’s never too late to start! This is a practical episode that will offer concrete changes you can work on now to create a stronger bond with your partner as you navigate the challenges of marriage. If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Kids might be the best, and worst, thing for a marriage! On the one hand, they’re a “blessing from the Lord” (Ps. 127:3) and Jesus himself said “let the little children come to me” (Mt. 19:14). But on the other hand, they’re loud, messy, needy, don’t listen, and can (unintentionally) create barriers between spouses. Being aware of both the joys and hardships of parenting as well as the impact your kids may have on your marriage is an important first step to preventing a future breakdown. In this episode Austin and Shay discuss the ways their kids have helped build up their own marriages. Then they acknowledge the following four ways that kids can break down marriage: Create isolation Create chronic stress Create disconnection Create anger, bitterness, and resentment towards your partner The great news is that there are several things you can do to build up your marriage in the midst of parenting stress! Austin and Shay recommend the following four practices: Plan regular date nights and getaways Schedule “state of the union” meetings Address “elephants” Express appreciation If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Trust is not secured or defined by the vows you make on your wedding day. Those are serious and important commitments, but they will be empty words if your behavior isn’t trustworthy over a long period of time. Boundaries are so foundational to making marriage work, but they’re often associated with being mean or unloving. This conversation with John and Lynn highlights that without boundaries in marriage, you won’t know what your role is, you won’t be able to take responsibility for yourself, and you won’t be able to establish the deep bed of trust that God intended for your relationship. Understanding the role of boundaries and how they build trust will help you diagnose growth points in yourself and in your marriage, and reinforce the need to protect the marriage covenant by becoming worthy of your spouse’s trust. If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Have you considered that the recent argument you had with your spouse began long before you ever got married? Walking down the aisle on your wedding day, you see the person that you love and are attracted to, but you may not realize that in that moment, two histories are colliding. In effect, you are marrying your partner’s brain. This means that all of your (and their) previous experiences with love, closeness, connection, hurt, relational expectations and ways of seeking comfort are like pre-programmed software that you will both need to learn about. It also means that your history and everything that’s shaped you, is going to be operating in the background of all of your interactions. The bottom line is that how you learned to love when you were growing up will be the way you love when you are married. Using the 5 Love Styles from the book “How We Love” by Kay and Milan Yerkovich, Shay and Lynn discuss how each of these love styles developed in your childhood are impacting your relationship today. This enlightening conversation offers insight into the defensive patterns you might see in your marriage, and what to do when your two histories collide. How We Love Love Style Quiz If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
When you’re hungry and ordering a hamburger at the drive thru, do you expect to have a deep, personal conversation with the person at the window? Probably not. More likely, you’re hoping to find that deeper emotional connection in your marriage with your spouse. But that can be harder to do than you think! In this episode, John and Austin explain that communication in marriage ranges from very shallow, to very deep. Most couples stay in the shallow end, afraid to take a deeper dive into emotional intimacy. The reason why it’s so difficult to have deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse is that it requires honesty and openness that feels very vulnerable and requires safety and trust. It takes patience, persistence and intentionality to build this trust over many years of marriage. However, we think that learning how to REALLY talk with your spouse is worth pursuing for several reasons: Knowing and being known will change who you are. Cultivating a lifelong friendship will help your marriage endure life’s challenges. Deep emotional connection prepares you for a healthy sex life. You have a confidant to share your hopes, dreams, fears and worries with. With sustained emotional intimacy you can believe the best about your partner. If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Do you believe that all of your needs, longings and desires will be met when you get married? What might happen when your marriage falls short of your expectations? While it’s normal to want the ideal marriage, living in a world that’s been infected by sin makes that impossible. If you’re not prepared for what marriage will be like with two flawed people, you may be disillusioned, disappointed and full of resentment when your relationship hits the “ordeal” of life. In this episode, John and Lynn discuss what it means to live in the reality of marriage, which means that you will not have all of your expectations met, you will not get your way all the time, and you will need to learn to live with a certain measure of incompletion in your marriage. Hiding, blaming, shaming and judging may characterize your marriage until you’re ready to accept the limits of your relationship and grieve the loss of the “ideal” and so you can live in the “real deal”. This conversation will help you see that living in an imperfect relationship requires humility and divine grace. If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
A commonly asked question is: “How do I know if I’m marrying the “right” person?” As counselors, we’ve learned that the best way to help someone make the decision of who to marry is what we call: Informed Consent. If you’ve ever bought a car, or had surgery, or signed a lease to an apartment, it’s likely that you only moved ahead with that decision after signing an agreement of “Informed Consent”. That means that you were given fair warning about the possible defects, side effects or pre-existing conditions before you agreed to move ahead with the decision. Having this information meant that you would have realistic expectations of the outcomes if you said “yes”. Deciding who to marry is arguably one of the most important decisions you’ll make in life. So we think that the process of dating and engagement is a chance to obtain “Informed Consent”. That means that you are learning enough about the other person, and understanding their values, personality, dreams for the future, spiritual maturity and level of compatibility so that you know what you’re getting into when you get married. In this episode, Austin and Lynn explain the purpose of dating, the 3 phases of the dating relationship, what to look for in a potential spouse, and red flags to be aware of as you consider whether or not to marry someone. The process of dating is your chance to learn as much as possible about the other person so you can visualize what marriage with this other person would be like. Although feelings of attraction are important, depth of character that’s demonstrated over a period of time is the best way to learn if your dating relationship is ready for marriage. Bonus: Lynn shares the best dating advice she ever received, and it may completely change the way you see your dating relationship! Book Recommendation: Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
As a high school counselor, Laura Verkamp’s job is anything but boring. Between helping her students fill out college applications, checking in with students who are struggling, or challenging kids to come out of their comfort zone, Laura's invested in equipping them to move forward in life. Listen as Austin interviews Laura and asks about a “typical” day in the life of a school counselor (if there is one). Their discussion reveals what Laura sees as the top stressors in the lives of high school students today, and the unique ways that she equips them to keep moving forward even in the midst of challenges. What brings Laura the most joy in her job is seeing her students grow. From the first day of school, to the last day of class, one thing is certain, kids are longing to learn, mature, and overcome the obstacles that may be in their way. You will appreciate the insight Laura has into the life of a high school student, and learn that the thing she loves most about them is, well, they’re just really cool kids! If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your favorite podcast player. Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com for more free Christian Counseling resources.
The state of men in our culture is worse than ever in terms of loneliness, shame, and “purpose void”. How did we get here? And why do so many men avoid church? In this enlightening conversation, Shay Roush and Kermit Summerall, Pastors of Crossing Men, discuss what men are longing for: the good, the bad and the ugly. Shay and Kermit explain how many men feel trapped and defeated by the demands and pressures of life and are tempted to check out from reality and stop showing up where they’re needed most. The good news is that men are starting to come out of isolation and build authentic relationships based on honesty and trust. Men are investing in each other’s lives and working side by side towards a common mission, using their strengths to serve others and show up in their families and communities. Studies even show that Christian men who are actively involved in church are the best husbands, the best fathers, and experience the highest levels of happiness. This episode will challenge and encourage you as you hear about the powerful ways God is moving in the lives of Crossing Men as they follow Jesus together! If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com. Resources: The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes by Nancy Pearcey Podcast: The Aaron Renn Show - May 20, 2024 episode with Anthony Bradley - “Evangelicalism’s Man Problems”
Women are wearing more hats than ever: student, professional, friend, sister, mother, daughter, and everything in between. Slowing down long enough to consider what it is you really long for is an opportunity to connect with parts of your soul that need attention. This conversation with Crossing Women director Jeannette Cover and counselor Lynn Roush is a chance to acknowledge that your longings for validation, affirmation, peace, confidence and hope are real and not going away. This discussion also highlights that the encouragement we can offer each other as women is rare and hard to find. While our lives may look happy on the outside, many of us are carrying heavy burdens, and struggling to make sense of our current realities. In this episode you will learn how important it is to be honest about your thoughts and feelings so you can give and receive the encouragement you need to keep going in life. That’s why we want to offer you a 30-Day Encouragement Challenge as a way to connect you to the life of God and the people you care about most in your life. While you may not always have your longings met, you can provide encouragement to your friends and family who are also on the journey of waiting, hoping and trusting in God's promises even when life is hard. For practical ideas and ways to encourage others, download our FREE 30-Day Encouragement Challenge PDF at our website: withyouintheweeds.com, and start the challenge today! If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your favorite podcast player. Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com for more free Christian Counseling resources.