You Love & You Learn Podcast

Nate and I celebrated 8 years together yesterday, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on what I’ve learned in our time together. The 8 lessons I explore in more detail are:  The more we resist feeling “bad”—the more we suffer. The more we accept feeling “bad”—the sooner it will come and go It’s much easier to look at the ways our partner is lacking than to turn inward and see our own shortcomings Don’t sweep things under the rug, but don’t spend excessive time thinking and thinking and thinking about them either Make the unspoken spoken Trust that your partner has positive or neutral intentions–they are not trying to hurt you Wedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful or magical, it can be whatever you make it. The messy, boring, hard moments don’t make it to someone’s social media page 99% of the time—but they’re part of being human. Instead of trying to “be more loving” to others—be compassionate towards the barriers in your heart. This in and of itself is an act of love and will help you soften Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram  

I am so excited to bring you this conversation with Dr. Courtney Paré, a licensed naturopathic doctor, holistic anxiety coach, speaker, and author. Courtney empowers those facing anxiety and OCD to experience greater peace and confidence in their lives and relationships, and just published her first book Overcoming Relationship Anxiety!  I had a chance to read the book and it’s fantastic. I know this resource and the wisdom Courtney shares in this episode will be useful for anyone who experiences relationship anxiety.  For more of Courtney’s work: Get Overcoming Relationship Anxiety here Check out her website here  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

I can’t believe we’re already at episode 100 of this podcast! After sitting down with 50 guests, there were many lessons learned about love that I wanted to recap and share–so I went back and listened to the final question I ask all guests; “what is one thing you have learned about love that you want to leave listeners with?”   I found that there were 7 key categories of these lessons, so I went more into depth about each one and am sharing the key ideas from my wise guests over the last couple years.   The 7 key categories were: Love is a choice, commitment, action, and something you build Embrace your unique relationship and unique partner, your love does not have to be one-size-fits all Love is something we can create from within, if we are blocked from our inner love it may be due to fear Self-love and building a relationship with yourself helps you relate to others Love is not always easy, but it’s rewarding, nourishing, and worth it Love is quiet and stable, not a rollercoaster Love and relating to others means communicating openly and staying curious about your partner as the relationship evolves   To those who have listened to the podcast–THANK YOU!! Cheers to the next 100 episodes.   Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram  

In this episode I am back with past guest, Ela Topcuoglu, who is a Life Transition Coach that helps us intentionally move through life’s big milestone moments (that can often be challenging for someone with anxiety). Things like moving in together, getting engaged, a breakup, changing jobs, or looking ahead to marriage.  One stage of transitions in particular, the limbo stage (in between the old life and the new) can be particularly uncomfortable and confusing, so Ela is back to explore: A quick refresher on the three phases of transition and why limbo is so pivotal What the limbo stage is and why it can feel harder than expected Common mistakes people make when navigating identity shifts during transitions How to intentionally approach the uncertainty of the limbo phase The hidden blessings of this stage that often go unnoticed If you’ve ever felt stuck between where you were and where you’re going, this episode is for you! For more of Ela’s work: Check our her Limbo worksheet here Check out her website here  Check out her Instagram here Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, I sit down with Lily Sais, a former school psychologist turned registered Three Principles practitioner, whose journey has taken her from anxiety to a place of peace. Lily is passionate about helping others uncover the peace that already lies within them, beneath anxious thoughts (the peace that already lies within…LOVE!)   We cover: Why it’s important to stop focusing on what’s wrong with you Why seeking more information is not always useful How we can release the need to think and do more  An analogy of anxious thoughts like a snow globe  Lily’s powerful definition of love …and more!   For more of Lily’s work: https://www.peace-from-within.com/pfwcommunity https://www.instagram.com/_peacefromwithin/   Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

Over the years, there is a recurring ‘theme’ that brings up discomfort for me within my relationship, and that is when things feel boring or mundane. It used to really freak me out, and I would jump to thinking I had to go find a more exciting partner or relationship.   I still have these moments of judging the boredom, but when I pause to reflect further, I see things a little differently now: as a chance to pour into my life more intentionally, vs. placing the relationship or Nate on a pedestal.   In this episode, I explore how I am setting intentions this winter to intentionally show up for myself and nurture 3 key areas: My inner life My values My personal interests   These are 3 key areas that Robert Johnson shares in his book (We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love) to take the projection off our partner to complete us and make us whole. Excited to share this with you so you can take the time to reflect on these key areas, too!   Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

This is a long overdue episode to explore signs of what an abusive relationship is and isn’t. I often give the disclaimer “my work does not apply to abusive relationships” and wanted to have a licensed therapist explain the types of abuse so people are aware.   And who better than Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles with 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, conducting research, and teaching at the undergraduate and graduate levels.    In the episode, we mentioned resources for people experiencing abuse in an intimate relationship:   peaceoverviolence.org   Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) – 800.656.HOPE (4673)   National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.799.SAFE (7233), 800.787.3224 TDD   Books:   The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans   The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner   The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel   The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk   For more of Molly’s work, check out: www.drmollyburrets.com www.instagram.com/drmollyburrets  

In this episode, I unpack the phrase “when you know you know” and how I used to take this phrase very literally, which caused a lot of anxiety and pressure on me. I deconstruct what it actually means to ‘know’ something or have ‘knowledge’, as well as the characteristics of someone who is more likely to ‘know’ something within their relationship or life.  If you’ve ever heard someone say they “just knew” their partner was the one and felt crappy about it (“what do they know, and how do they know it?!”) – this episode is for you! Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

Does it feel like you’re doing all the ‘right’ things but you’re still not happy? Does it feel like everyone around you seems to be happier than you, and you feel so guilty about it?   What if this wasn’t a flaw or something you’re doing wrong – and we have been getting happiness wrong all along? In this episode, I sat down with Stephanie Harrison of @newhappyco to explore what happiness is and isn’t, and how we can take small steps to become more happy and fulfilled in our lives.   For more of Stephanie and New Happy, check out: www.thenewhappy.com   –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, MJ and I discuss why lowering the bar in your life and relationship might actually be a good thing. No, this isn’t about settling or letting go of standards. It’s about moving forward without beating yourself up for every imperfection along the way, and taking small intentional actions instead of waiting for everything to perfectly line up before you can move forward.    This is the permission slip I’ve needed for so many years, and I know it will feel like a breath of fresh air!   For more of MJ’s work:   The Perfectionist's Guide to Taking Action on Creative Ideas audio class Sign up for the Internet People newsletter here Check out her Instgaram  –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, I explore the common struggle of wanting anxiety to disappear and how this often makes the anxiety feel even stronger. Many people ask, “Why is my anxiety still here even after I’ve tried all the tools?” – let's discuss a helpful shift in mindset that can transform your relationship with it. I cover: The nature of anxiety and why resisting it can make it feel stronger How to reframe your motivation behind coping tools and strategies  Why viewing anxiety as a "roommate" rather than a "guest” can lead to a more peaceful coexistence …and more! –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram  

I’ve never done this before, but today I am bringing you a training from my Patreon membership to the podcast to show you a peek into the types of trainings we have every month!    This month’s topic: wanting to stay in your relationship, but knowing you want things to be better or different, too.    If you want to dive into a library of trainings like this, and connect with 300+ others on a journey to become more secure… Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, Chelsea and I dive into the idea that true relationship strength often comes from embracing differences rather than being exactly the same.   We cover: Chelsea’s journey of overcoming internalized beliefs that partners must think alike How she learned to appreciate her husband's contrasting qualities How differences can nurture a deeper love, personal growth, and a more expansive understanding of what it means to truly connect with someone …and more   For more of Chelsea’s work   Website: www.healingembodied.com IG & TikTok: @healing.embodied   –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

It can feel so painful to be disconnected from your partner. I get it, because I’ve had a few of these moments myself recently! Let’s talk about it.    In this episode, I share: Recent examples when Nate and I felt disconnected Why it feels so painful to be disconnected from your partner  5 ways to respond next time you’re disconnected  7 helpful mindsets around disconnection + connection to help you feel more empowered    –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

This episode focuses on healing anxiety from the inside out. And who better to speak to than Alison Seponara – therapist, anxiety educator, holistic healer, and author who specializes in helping others create their own holistic anxiety healing toolkit!   Anxiety can come from many different pillars of our life; our friendships, our physical health and wellbeing, our relational attachment dynamics, our mental patterns, and so much more. Alison and I cover each of these topics and offer bite-sized tips to healing anxiety.   For more of Alison’s work:   Alison’s website  Alison’s books Alison’s Instagram    –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

You are in for a TREAT with this episode, which truly felt like a therapy session for me. I sat down with Thais Gibson who has over a decade working as a practitioner and specializes in blending attachment theory, psychology, and subconscious reprogramming.    We discuss what Thais refers to as the “relationship shadow” and explore why our partners can be so dang triggering (it’s not what you think!) and how to navigate these triggers more mindfully.   For more about Thais, check out:   Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool   Learning Love book: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/ — Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

Have you ever felt like you were not going “fast enough” in your journey to heal relationship anxiety or ROCD? Maybe you’ve seen other people share their wins and felt like you’re just not getting it. It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we compare to other people’s highlight reels–but today I am peeling back the curtain of what healing relationship anxiety actually looks like.    Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here!  — Montage Fallacy article by Herbert Lui Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

If you are the partner of someone with relationship anxiety, this episode is for you.   If you have relationship anxiety and want to be able to ask your partner for more intentional support, this episode is for you!   Thank you to the help of the You Love and You Learn community on Instagram for this episode. I received dozens of answers to the question “how does your partner help you navigate relationship anxiety?” to influence this episode.   I cover: How to help a partner with relationship anxiety What to say and what not to say when they’re in an anxiety spike Setting boundaries to protect your own energy  Is giving reassurance helpful, or not? …and more   PS–the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit is LIVE! You can get it here. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

If you have ever felt like your healthy relationship is boring and the “vibes are off” – this episode is for you! I sat down with Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let’s Get Vulnerable” podcast.    In this episode we discuss: Why Morgan rejected, sabotaged, and avoided available love for so long What emotional availability looks like  What happens when we prioritize vibes, spark, chemistry 3 reasons why we sabotage healthy relationships …and more. For more of Morgan’s work, check out: Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancoaching/ Her free resource: Www.drmorgancoaching.com/gift — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

I loved this conversation because time and time again this comes up in the work I do with clients (and it was a pattern in my own relationship). I sat down with Charisse Cooke, who is a London-based relationship psychotherapist with over 20 years experience. She helps individuals, couples and groups develop relationship skills and define love in a way that has meaning for them.    In this episode we discuss: what love addiction is and how we can take the thrill of the chase to extremes what happens when we put our partner on a pedestal and have an idealized version of them the question “do I love them, or am I just attached?” what love is and what love isn’t so we can be more mindful how our expectations and past traumas create certain patterns on our relationship …and more. For more of Charisse’s work, check out: Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charissecooke/ Her website: www.charissecooke.com — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram