You Love & You Learn Podcast

Over the years, there is a recurring ‘theme’ that brings up discomfort for me within my relationship, and that is when things feel boring or mundane. It used to really freak me out, and I would jump to thinking I had to go find a more exciting partner or relationship.   I still have these moments of judging the boredom, but when I pause to reflect further, I see things a little differently now: as a chance to pour into my life more intentionally, vs. placing the relationship or Nate on a pedestal.   In this episode, I explore how I am setting intentions this winter to intentionally show up for myself and nurture 3 key areas: My inner life My values My personal interests   These are 3 key areas that Robert Johnson shares in his book (We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love) to take the projection off our partner to complete us and make us whole. Excited to share this with you so you can take the time to reflect on these key areas, too!   Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

This is a long overdue episode to explore signs of what an abusive relationship is and isn’t. I often give the disclaimer “my work does not apply to abusive relationships” and wanted to have a licensed therapist explain the types of abuse so people are aware.   And who better than Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles with 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, conducting research, and teaching at the undergraduate and graduate levels.    In the episode, we mentioned resources for people experiencing abuse in an intimate relationship:   peaceoverviolence.org   Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) – 800.656.HOPE (4673)   National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.799.SAFE (7233), 800.787.3224 TDD   Books:   The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans   The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner   The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel   The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk   For more of Molly’s work, check out: www.drmollyburrets.com www.instagram.com/drmollyburrets  

In this episode, I unpack the phrase “when you know you know” and how I used to take this phrase very literally, which caused a lot of anxiety and pressure on me. I deconstruct what it actually means to ‘know’ something or have ‘knowledge’, as well as the characteristics of someone who is more likely to ‘know’ something within their relationship or life.  If you’ve ever heard someone say they “just knew” their partner was the one and felt crappy about it (“what do they know, and how do they know it?!”) – this episode is for you! Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

Does it feel like you’re doing all the ‘right’ things but you’re still not happy? Does it feel like everyone around you seems to be happier than you, and you feel so guilty about it?   What if this wasn’t a flaw or something you’re doing wrong – and we have been getting happiness wrong all along? In this episode, I sat down with Stephanie Harrison of @newhappyco to explore what happiness is and isn’t, and how we can take small steps to become more happy and fulfilled in our lives.   For more of Stephanie and New Happy, check out: www.thenewhappy.com   –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, MJ and I discuss why lowering the bar in your life and relationship might actually be a good thing. No, this isn’t about settling or letting go of standards. It’s about moving forward without beating yourself up for every imperfection along the way, and taking small intentional actions instead of waiting for everything to perfectly line up before you can move forward.    This is the permission slip I’ve needed for so many years, and I know it will feel like a breath of fresh air!   For more of MJ’s work:   The Perfectionist's Guide to Taking Action on Creative Ideas audio class Sign up for the Internet People newsletter here Check out her Instgaram  –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, I explore the common struggle of wanting anxiety to disappear and how this often makes the anxiety feel even stronger. Many people ask, “Why is my anxiety still here even after I’ve tried all the tools?” – let's discuss a helpful shift in mindset that can transform your relationship with it. I cover: The nature of anxiety and why resisting it can make it feel stronger How to reframe your motivation behind coping tools and strategies  Why viewing anxiety as a "roommate" rather than a "guest” can lead to a more peaceful coexistence …and more! –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram  

I’ve never done this before, but today I am bringing you a training from my Patreon membership to the podcast to show you a peek into the types of trainings we have every month!    This month’s topic: wanting to stay in your relationship, but knowing you want things to be better or different, too.    If you want to dive into a library of trainings like this, and connect with 300+ others on a journey to become more secure… Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community  Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, Chelsea and I dive into the idea that true relationship strength often comes from embracing differences rather than being exactly the same.   We cover: Chelsea’s journey of overcoming internalized beliefs that partners must think alike How she learned to appreciate her husband's contrasting qualities How differences can nurture a deeper love, personal growth, and a more expansive understanding of what it means to truly connect with someone …and more   For more of Chelsea’s work   Website: www.healingembodied.com IG & TikTok: @healing.embodied   –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

It can feel so painful to be disconnected from your partner. I get it, because I’ve had a few of these moments myself recently! Let’s talk about it.    In this episode, I share: Recent examples when Nate and I felt disconnected Why it feels so painful to be disconnected from your partner  5 ways to respond next time you’re disconnected  7 helpful mindsets around disconnection + connection to help you feel more empowered    –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

This episode focuses on healing anxiety from the inside out. And who better to speak to than Alison Seponara – therapist, anxiety educator, holistic healer, and author who specializes in helping others create their own holistic anxiety healing toolkit!   Anxiety can come from many different pillars of our life; our friendships, our physical health and wellbeing, our relational attachment dynamics, our mental patterns, and so much more. Alison and I cover each of these topics and offer bite-sized tips to healing anxiety.   For more of Alison’s work:   Alison’s website  Alison’s books Alison’s Instagram    –  Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

You are in for a TREAT with this episode, which truly felt like a therapy session for me. I sat down with Thais Gibson who has over a decade working as a practitioner and specializes in blending attachment theory, psychology, and subconscious reprogramming.    We discuss what Thais refers to as the “relationship shadow” and explore why our partners can be so dang triggering (it’s not what you think!) and how to navigate these triggers more mindfully.   For more about Thais, check out:   Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool   Learning Love book: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/ — Additional resources: Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access) Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

Have you ever felt like you were not going “fast enough” in your journey to heal relationship anxiety or ROCD? Maybe you’ve seen other people share their wins and felt like you’re just not getting it. It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we compare to other people’s highlight reels–but today I am peeling back the curtain of what healing relationship anxiety actually looks like.    Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here!  — Montage Fallacy article by Herbert Lui Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

If you are the partner of someone with relationship anxiety, this episode is for you.   If you have relationship anxiety and want to be able to ask your partner for more intentional support, this episode is for you!   Thank you to the help of the You Love and You Learn community on Instagram for this episode. I received dozens of answers to the question “how does your partner help you navigate relationship anxiety?” to influence this episode.   I cover: How to help a partner with relationship anxiety What to say and what not to say when they’re in an anxiety spike Setting boundaries to protect your own energy  Is giving reassurance helpful, or not? …and more   PS–the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit is LIVE! You can get it here. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

If you have ever felt like your healthy relationship is boring and the “vibes are off” – this episode is for you! I sat down with Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let’s Get Vulnerable” podcast.    In this episode we discuss: Why Morgan rejected, sabotaged, and avoided available love for so long What emotional availability looks like  What happens when we prioritize vibes, spark, chemistry 3 reasons why we sabotage healthy relationships …and more. For more of Morgan’s work, check out: Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancoaching/ Her free resource: Www.drmorgancoaching.com/gift — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

I loved this conversation because time and time again this comes up in the work I do with clients (and it was a pattern in my own relationship). I sat down with Charisse Cooke, who is a London-based relationship psychotherapist with over 20 years experience. She helps individuals, couples and groups develop relationship skills and define love in a way that has meaning for them.    In this episode we discuss: what love addiction is and how we can take the thrill of the chase to extremes what happens when we put our partner on a pedestal and have an idealized version of them the question “do I love them, or am I just attached?” what love is and what love isn’t so we can be more mindful how our expectations and past traumas create certain patterns on our relationship …and more. For more of Charisse’s work, check out: Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charissecooke/ Her website: www.charissecooke.com — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram  

Do you ever notice yourself feeling good, then suddenly an anxious voice pops up saying “wait, shouldn’t I be worrying about something?” or “if I don’t worry about this–how will I figure it out?”   I’ve been here, and I used to sabotage most of my good feelings by jumping straight back into worry. In this episode, I explore: Why fear can try to block us from experiencing joy What patterns to look for (worry withdrawals, resistance) How to respond to these patterns differently and widen your tolerance for joy  PS–be sure to join my Instagram broadcast channel lovin’ and learnin’ for the latest updates on a new exciting offering I have coming soon.  — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

In this episode, I share my personal journey from getting engaged (June 2023) to planning my wedding (in May 2025). Thanks to great questions from the You Love and You Learn community…I discuss:   How to enjoy your engagement phase before and during wedding planning What I’ve learned about my personality during this time  How to accept the moments when you felt stressed or overwhelmed by the planning / decisions  How to make decisions about the wedding itself without worrying there is a better option out there that would make you happier on the day  How not to get overwhelmed at the thought of spending forever with someone    — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

You asked…we’re answering! Alexandra Schelling (of @toolboxforlove on Instagram) and I polled our communities for questions about navigating our significant other’s families, and we’re answering the questions in a two-part episode. Today’s episode is all about navigating relational dynamics with our partner’s family. Should we set boundaries with our partner’s family? Should they? How to navigate with family’s criticism? How to create connection with in-laws?    We explore all of these topics and how to respond to them more mindfully.  For more of Alexandra’s work, check out: Her Instagram Her YouTube — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

You asked…we’re answering! Alexandra Schelling (of @toolboxforlove on Instagram) and I polled our communities for questions about navigating our significant other’s families, and we’re answering the questions in a two-part episode. Today’s episode is all about what’s happening in our OWN mind when it relates to our partner’s family. Expectation vs. reality (and the anxiety that causes), insecurities when we compare to other people’s relationships with their in-laws, and feeling triggered by specific interactions.  We explore all of these topics and how to respond to them more mindfully. Stay tuned next week for part two about setting boundaries with in-laws! For more of Alexandra’s work, check out: Her Instagram Her YouTube — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram

his episode is a long-time coming, one I have been so excited to record and share with you because I wish more people knew this information! Menstrual cycles can have such a huge effect on how we’re showing up throughout the month, and if we don’t know what to expect…we can feel a lil’ crazy or guilty about the changes in energy, mindset, and emotions.    So I brought Ash McDonald, Therapeutic Business and Life Mentor, on the show who is someone that went through her own journey with cycle syncing after feeling burnt out during her third pregnancy and having hope that there was a better way to live her life and show up for her loved ones.    For more of Ash’s work and the Flow Lab course she mentioned in the episode:   FLOW LAB LINK SHAMELESSLY AMBITIOUS PODCAST WEBSITE — If you’re loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram