Your Friend, The Therapist

Hannah Brents is a therapist with a private practice in Massachusetts, Texas, and Florida. She also has a background in religious studies, yoga, and meditation. You can find her on Instagram at @theologytherapist.You can listen to her episode on Season 1 of Your Friend The Therapist here: Meditation & Spirituality After High Control Religion with Hannah Brents.In this conversation, therapist Hannah Brents and host Kari Fillian discuss the connection between sexuality, the body, and spirituality. They explore the impact of high control religion and purity culture on individuals' relationships with their bodies and sexuality. They also delve into the concept of Eros and its connection to spirituality, as well as the experiences of mystics who had erotic visions of the divine. The conversation highlights the importance of embodiment and curiosity in exploring and reclaiming one's sexuality and spirituality. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Healing From Purity Culture through The Divorced Virgin ProjectThe Divorced Virgin Project, created by Mindy Tyler, is a comprehensive program dedicated to the transformative journey of religious deconstruction, integration and healing.You can follow Mindy on Instagram @thedivorcedvirgin and The Divorced Virgin Project at @thedivorcedvirginproject. You can also learn more about the project at https://www.thedivorcedvirginproject.com/. Mindy Tyler shares her journey of religious deconstruction and healing in the Divorced Virgin Project. Growing up in an evangelical community, Mindy experienced the influence of purity culture and the challenges of questioning and leaving the faith. She now identifies as a spiritual atheist, finding connection to nature and science. The Divorced Virgin Project was inspired by Mindy's own experiences and the need for a comprehensive program to address religious trauma and provide healing modalities. The project covers various topics, including body shaming, diet culture, and psychedelic therapy. In this episode, Mindy discusses the importance of exploring different healing modalities beyond therapy, especially for individuals with complex trauma. She shares insights from her Divorced Virgin Project and Mindy reflects on the most difficult and rewarding aspects of the project, including personal growth and healing. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

The Power of Storytelling in the Deconstruction ProcessMaggie (she/her) runs the instagram account @hello_deconstructionists and hosts the podcast Hello Deconstructionists, where she is building community post evangelicalism. She is a religious trauma survivor and a dedicated therapy client where she’s working hard to understand who she is outside of religion. Her goal is to share parts of her own story and bring other survivors together to help them know they’re not alone on their deconstruction journey.In this conversation, Kari Fillian interviews Maggie Harrigan, the host of the Hello Deconstructionist podcast. They discuss Maggie's journey of healing from religious trauma and her activism in the deconstruction space. They explore the power of storytelling and the importance of sharing personal experiences. Maggie shares her experiences of navigating relationships with family and friends and offers advice to her 16-year-old self. Listen to Maggie’s podcast, Hello Deconstructionists, here. You can listen to Maggie’s episode on season one of Your Friend The Therapist here. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Guest BioMichelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in North Carolina. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma and spiritual abuse, and those who are exiting a high-control religion. She also works with folks around body image concerns, anxiety, grief, and life transitions. In addition to her clinical work, Michelle provides education about mental health for faith leaders and enjoys exploring all that North Carolina has to offer in her free time.You can find Michelle on her website https://michellefmoseley.com/ and on Instagram @therapy_with_michelle.SummaryMichelle F. Moseley, a licensed mental health counselor, discusses her personal experience with high control religion and how it led her to specialize in working with survivors of religious trauma and spiritual abuse. She also addresses the intersection of diet culture and purity culture, highlighting the judgmental hierarchy, disconnection from the body, and moral-based language that both cultures perpetuate. Michelle emphasizes the need for understanding and support for those navigating the complexities of leaving high control religion and finding community outside of it. In this conversation, Michelle Moseley discusses the relationship between high control religion and body image. She explains how individuals in high control religions receive messages about body image from both their religious teachings and the broader culture. These conflicting messages can create a constant focus on body image and lead to struggles with self-acceptance. Michelle also shares her work as an educator, teaching faith leaders about mental health and the impact of purity culture. She emphasizes the importance of faith leaders understanding the power of their words and the need for self-care and honoring personal rhythms.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Background03:08 The Impact of High Control Religion08:26 Transition to Mental Health Counseling13:20 Finding Community and Training24:13 Defining Diet Culture and Purity Culture26:13 The Relationship Between Diet Culture and Purity Culture29:48 Intersection of Diet Culture and Purity Culture35:05 The Impact of Purity Culture on Women37:36 Power Dynamics and Dependency38:05 Relationship between high control religion and body image39:27 The impact of high control religion on body image struggles40:08 The constant pressure to change one's body41:23 The difficulty of resting and accepting one's body43:23 Educating faith leaders about mental health47:19 The importance of faith leaders understanding purity culture and body image48:39 Taking care of oneself and honoring personal rhythms50:38 The power of words and the impact of faith leaders52:10 Rapid fire questions55:00 Where to find Michelle's workYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Megan Von Fricken is a licensed clinical social worker with a virtual psychotherapy practice where she specializes in helping people recover from religious harm. You can follow Megan on Instagram at @reclaimingself.therapy.You can listen to Megan’s episode on Season 1 of Your Friend The Therapist here: Accepting Your Authentic Self with Megan Von Fricken. In this conversation, Megan Von Fricken, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in helping people recover from religious harm, discusses her own experience with high control religion and the process of deconstructing her beliefs. She explores the intersection of family trauma and religious trauma, highlighting the concept of generational religious trauma. Megan emphasizes the importance of grieving the losses associated with leaving a high control group and finding ways to rebuild and create new experiences. She also discusses the role of anger and the need for self-compassion in the healing process. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Emily Maynard (she/her) is a licensed therapist in California. She grew up at the intersection of Evangelical and Fundamentalist Christianity, and now she specializes in helping people heal from religious trauma. She loves helping smart, sensitive people embody new stories. You can find Emily on Instagram at @emilymaynardlmft and on her website https://emilymaynardtherapy.com/. In this conversation, Kari and Emily discuss the roots of purity culture, the challenges of dating after deconstructing purity culture, and how to love your body and overcome shame. They also explore the topic of raising children outside of purity culture and provide resources for further education and support. TakeawaysPurity culture is a comprehensive system that teaches complete sexual abstinence until marriage and often includes emotional purity, modesty, and strict courtship practices.Purity culture is rooted in patriarchy and the control of women's bodies, and it can have harmful effects on both men and women.Dating after deconstructing purity culture requires education, deconstructing the idea of 'the one,' and learning how to show up authentically in relationships.Loving your body and overcoming shame involves a process of education, reflection, community, and self-compassion.Raising children outside of purity culture involves doing your own work, educating yourself and your children about healthy sexuality, and creating an open and informed environment for discussions about consent, boundaries, and relationships. Teach children about autonomy and body positivity from an early age, encouraging them to ask for consent and respect their own boundaries.Create a no-shame experience of sexuality by providing access to less exploitative images and promoting open conversations about bodies and sexuality.Consciously work on developing relationship skills, including communication, conflict resolution, and the ability to show up as yourself.Build meaningful relationships by embracing genuine communication, conflict resolution, and personal growth.Mentioned in this episode:Emily’s first appearance on Your Friend The Therapist#ChurchToo: How Purity Culture Upholds Abuse and How To Find Healing by Emily Joy AllisonCome As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PhDBetter Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Lori A. Brotto, PhDPolysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fernhttps://www.scarleteen.com/Check out Emily's recommended book list: https://emilymaynardtherapy.com/book-list Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Brandon Flanery is an ex-pastor, ex-missionary, and ex-evangelical who writes about the tenuous intersection of faith and sexuality. He’s conducted research on the consequences of beliefs and why people are leaving Christianity. His writings are featured in The Scribe, Baptist News Global, the University of Colorado, and the Colorado Springs Indy, and his debut book, Stumbling: A Sassy Memoir about Coming Out of Evangelicalism, premiered August 2023. In addition to being a writer, Flanery co-founded the LGBTQ Christian dating app, believr.In this conversation, Kari and Brandon discuss Brandon’s experiences with high control religion and the intersection of faith and sexuality. He shares his background in evangelical non-denominational megachurch culture and the impact it had on his identity as a gay person. Brandon reflects on the control and manipulation he experienced within these religious organizations and how it affected his sense of agency. He also explores his journey of discovering his desires and wants, and how he has found freedom in exploring different spiritual beliefs and practices. He also highlights the teachings of gender and sexuality and the need to befriend and embrace one's own sexuality. You can buy Brandon’s book, explore his writings, and find all social media handles at BrandonFlanery.com. Follow him on Instagram and TikTok @flanbran.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

SummaryIn this episode, Kari introduces the concept of religious harm and adverse religious experiences. She defines religious harm as any experience of a religious belief, practice, or structure that undermines an individual's sense of safety or autonomy and negatively impacts their well-being. Kari explains that adverse religious experiences can lead to trauma, but the way trauma is experienced varies from person to person. She discusses the difference between spiritual trauma and religious trauma, emphasizing that all trauma is spiritual trauma. The episode concludes with a reminder to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed.TakeawaysReligious harm refers to experiences within a religious context that undermine an individual's well-being.Adverse religious experiences can lead to trauma, but the way trauma is experienced varies from person to person.Purity culture and shame are examples of adverse religious experiences that can have long-lasting effects.Abuse and mistreatment within religious institutions are forms of religious harm that can cause trauma.It is important to differentiate between spiritual trauma and religious trauma, as they have distinct but interconnected impacts.Self-care and seeking professional help are crucial in healing from religious harm.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Definition of Religious Harm01:25 Adverse Religious Experiences03:10 Understanding Trauma04:38 Religious Harm and Trauma05:39 Examples of Adverse Religious Experiences06:37 Purity Culture and Shame07:05 Additional Adverse Religious Experiences08:31 Abuse and Religious Institutions10:24 Responsibility and Fear in Religious Settings11:25 Differentiating Spiritual and Religious Trauma13:24 Self-Care and DisclaimerResources mentioned in the episode include:The Religious Trauma InstituteThe Reclamation Collective Therapist DirectoryKari’s writing about trauma & adverse religious experiencesYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

The Cycle Chats Network is a collection of women hosted podcasts that look to have thought provoking conversations that will inspire you to break the cycle of generational traumas, societals pressures, mental health stigmas, women's health advocacy, and toxic relationships. Each of the Cycle Chats shows looks to empower you to break the patterns within yourself that no longer serve you through the use of education, self discovery tools, and a little bit of humor! In this conversation, Emily and Stephanie, of the Cycle Chats Network join Kari to discuss various topics, including their many podcasts, what wellness means to them, setting boundaries in a business partnership, and supporting fellow podcasters. The ladies discuss the importance of boundaries to maintain a healthy work-life balance. They also highlight the value of collaboration and supporting other podcasters, what women empowerment means to them, and how they take care of themselves in a world full of patriarchal b******t.Sync Up With The Cycle Chats ladies:Website: https://www.cyclechats.com/Instagram: @cyclechatsnetworkYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Rachel Duvall (she/her), LICSW, MFA, is an actor and dancer turned therapist who specializes in helping individuals heal from anxiety, trauma, and burnout. She's inspired to help others find true, effective self-care after many years of burnout and secondary trauma in the world of non-profits. She integrates somatic and trauma therapies like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and EMDR with expressive arts therapy approaches. She lives with her family in Western Massachusetts. You can learn more about her practice on Instagram @rachelduvalltherapy and at her website https://rachelduvallpsychotherapy.com/. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

SummaryIn this episode, Kari answers questions from her audience. She discusses how her personal experiences and strategies inform her therapy practice, including somatic approaches, internal family systems, and narrative therapy. She also explores the importance of ecotherapy and connecting with nature. Kari addresses the question of whether it is reasonable to ask a therapist about their religious background when seeking help for religious trauma. She differentiates between biblical counseling and therapy, emphasizing the trauma-informed and evidence-based nature of therapy. Kari shares her own journey of exploring spirituality after leaving high control religion and defines wellness as a balance between body, emotions, intellect, and spirituality. She recommends books and movies for staying well and gives a preview of Season 2, which will focus on healing from high control religion.TakeawaysPersonal experiences and strategies can greatly influence a therapist's approach to therapy.Somatic approaches, internal family systems, and narrative therapy are effective modalities for healing trauma and pain.Ecotherapy, or connecting with nature, can have positive benefits for mental health and well-being.It is reasonable to ask a therapist about their religious background when seeking help for religious trauma.Biblical counseling is distinct from therapy and may not be trauma-informed or evidence-based.Exploring spirituality after leaving high control religion can involve curiosity, self-connection, and a broadening of perspectives.Wellness is achieved through balance in the body, emotions, intellect, and spirituality.Reading and watching materials that resonate with personal interests and values can contribute to well-being.Season 2 of the podcast will focus on healing from high control religion.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Q&A01:25 Influence of Personal Experience on Therapy Practice03:17 Internal Family Systems and Narrative Therapy07:24 Ecotherapy and Connection with Nature10:21 Asking Therapist's Religious Background for Religious Trauma13:02 Difference Between Biblical Counseling and Therapy21:08 Exploring Spirituality After Religion23:46 Current Phase of Deconstruction26:05 Definition of Wellness27:28 Reading and Watching Recommendations32:23 Preview of Season 2Check out my podcast appearances here.Listen to my conversation with Jessica Schafer here.The books I referenced in this episode are:The Language of Emotions by Karla McLarenStumbling: A Sassy Memoir about Coming Out of Evangelicalism by Brandon FlaneryPraying Naked by Katie CondonDevotions by Mary OliverRemedy by John Roedel This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Healing from Religious Trauma & Reclaiming Your Inherent Goodness with Rachel TumlinsonRachel (she/her)  is a certified Somatic Practitioner who has training in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She writes about healing from trauma (especially religious trauma) as she is a survivor herself, as well as a mother of two living in Corpus Christi, Texas.You can connect with Rachel on Instagram at @marigold.mire.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Maria Moore (she/her) spent the first years of her life as an Old Colony Mennonite in Mexico. Her life exposed her to emotional and sexual abuse which was also the life that her mother endured. Generational trauma and the murder of her father are the foundations with which she was provided at a young age. Through education (as a registered nurse) she has learned how to take the shame of her past to educate and empower others with similar challenges. She has written a book - Not My Kind of Mennonite - to bring attention to the struggles of her parents as they moved out of the colony and tried to make a life in Canada. A murder, a criminal trial, addiction, mental health struggles, abuse and the breakdown of a family set the tone of this true story.You can connect with Maria on Instagram @authormariamoore and on her website https://www.notmykindofmennonite.com/ where you can purchase her book, Not My Kind of Mennonite.The death packet Kari spoke about in the episode is from Mark Green’s Atheopaganism Blog and is linked here.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Jessica Schafer (she/her) spends most of her time at the moment parenting three littles and when she's not doing that she loves to write poetry, be outside, make things with her hands and listen to people in a deep and supportive way.You can connect with Jessica on Instagram @jessicawiebeschafer and on her website jessicawiebeschafer.com where you can purchase her collection of poems, Maybe This Is A Story About Water.The books mentioned in the episode are listed below:The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving by Lisa MillerRewriting Eve: Rescuing Women’s Stories From The Bible and Reclaiming Them As Our Own by Ronna DetrickThe Red Tent by Anita DiamantThe Book of Longings by Sue Monk KiddGod Is A Black Woman by Christena Cleveland, PhDDance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine by Sue Monk KiddFind a Spiritual Director/Companion on the Spiritual Directors International website. Jessica especially recommends Kyndall Rae Rothaus as a spiritual director for people on a deconstruction journey and her book Thy Queendom Come: Breaking Free From The Patriarchy to Save Your Soul.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Maggie (she/her) runs the instagram account @hello_deconstructionists where she is building community post evangelicalism. She is a religious trauma survivor and a dedicated therapy client where she’s working hard to understand who she is outside of religion. Her goal is to share parts of her own story and bring other survivors together to help them know they’re not alone on their deconstruction journey.Buy @hello_deconstructionists merch here.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com