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Love & Life with Dr. Karin
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Love & Life with Dr. Karin

Author: Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell

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Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life! On Love & Life, Dr. Karin explores research-based methods for happy, hopeful, positive living! She delves into all the good stuff—how to have true intimacy in romantic relationships, more meaningful friendships, healthier family connections, and more fulfilling careers. Each episode leaves listeners with a Love & Life Hack—a quick fix to improve your emotional wellness TODAY!
164 Episodes
If you’re single, your love life (or lack thereof) is fair game. Friends, family members, and even random strangers provide “solutions” to your “problem.” Or, they interrogate you, determined to uncover the hidden reason you aren’t coupled up—even if you’re perfectly content sans partner!  In this Love & Life bonus episode, Debbi Rice of Single and Amazing, Leslie Kaz of Single Girl Bliss, and I discuss the top 5 asinine comments single women hear. Join us for some single girl commiserating and lots of laughs! We’re here for you! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
What happens when you always wanted to be a wife and mother, but you haven’t met your person? Well, if you’re author Melanie Notkin, you start a fabulous brand called, Savvy Auntie! Melanie joins us for a vulnerable and candid discussion about how to embrace and thrive in a life we wouldn’t have scripted. We center the conversation around her poignant and powerful book, Otherhood. Specifically, we delve into: How women of The Otherhood manage their ongoing and currently unmet desire for marriage and family. The question almost every woman of The Otherhood has asked herself, “Should I settle for a ‘good enough’ guy in order to have children?” How to handle invasive and insensitive questions/comments about your life e.g. “You must have focused too much on your career!” or “Didn’t you want kids???” The prevailing, yet inaccurate, assumption that women of The Otherhood delayed marriage and child bearing. Grieving the loss of the life we’d expected, while embracing the joys of the life we have! Despite the fact our lives haven’t played out as planned, we women of The Otherhood, can be assured our nurturing and influence make a profound, positive impact on the children we didn’t create, yet choose to love. Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week!  To kick it off, I’ve invited Shani Silver, host of A Single Serving podcast, to share how she moved from complaining about dating to championing the single life!  According to Shani, “I came out of a hole and I know the way out of the hole. I want to tell other people that it’s possible.”  Here are a few more gems of wisdom from my conversation with Shani: “Enjoying a single life—not as a consolation, but as ‘on par’ with life in partnership—is entirely possible. I know this because I’m living it.” “It is 100% possible to love your single life and want a relationship at the same  time. Both of those things can coexist.” “I decided that what was meant for me was going to connect with me. And it was not going to be because I was fighting to find it. Because I had fought to find it for a decade and I didn’t. So that method didn’t serve me.  Maybe just relaxing and letting go and living life will connect me with who I’m meant to be with anyway.” Join us for a celebration of empowered single living! Shani Silver Website: Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about: · The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them! · What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally. · How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength! · What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!) · The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others. · How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about being single. When I came across Leslie’s work and read her book, I knew she was Love & Life material! Join us to hear how Leslie lives blissfully single, and learn how you can, too! Leslie’s Website: Leslie’s Book:…46&s=books&sr=1-1 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week and to celebrate, I’m sharing the first chapter of my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! One of the main myths singles hear is that they’re somehow fundamentally flawed and that’s why they haven’t met their person—if they’d just “fix themselves” already, true love would finally come their way. Yeah, right. I take issue with this bogus assumption and much more in my book and I share the first chapter with you here as a way to kick off a week devoted to singles. Let’s thrive during our single season! My book is here to help! Stay tuned throughout the week for more bonus episodes and giveaways! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
Women without children walk the road less traveled—and for the vast majority of them, this path was not of their choosing. In fact, of the women who reach midlife without children, only 10% planned to be  “child free”, while 10% are childless due to infertility, and a full 80% are childless not by choice but rather, due to circumstances. Jody Day of Gateway Women shares her personal journey and discusses the many layers of disenfranchised grief surrounding childlessness. Specifically, we cover: ·        Second wave feminism and the unintended consequence of circumstantial childlessness. ·        The emotional, physical, and financial complexities of IVF—the real stats. ·        Jody’s thoughts on how to respond to the, “Oh, you would have made such a great mom!” comments. ·        When the term “biological clock” first appeared in the discourse. ·        The pain of “not being chosen” for partnership along with the “not being chosen” to be someone’s mother. ·        Grieving the loss of the “identity” of mother. ·        How to “reclaim our worthiness” and find our place as women without children. ·        The fetishism of motherhood. ·        Societal and policy concerns surrounding childless women. The pain is real, but it’s a disenfranchised sorrow—how do you grieve the loss of something you never had? Join us for an empathic, supportive conversation and be sure to participate in World Childless Week’s virtual summit September 13 – 19, 2021. Click here to get a free chapter from Jody's book - Living the Life Unexpected: How to Find Hope, Meaning and a Fulfilling Future Without Children More info on Jody's book here:  Sponsor: Millionaire Match MillionaireMatch is an exclusive, award-winning dating site for elite singles looking for serious relationships & marriages! Download the free app here: Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer the following questions: 1. “Jessica” really wants to remain friends with her ex. This breakup is even harder than most because they trauma bonded throughout 2020 when she turned 40 and also lost her father. Is it possible they could actually remain friends? 2. “Danielle” hasn’t spoken to her ex for over a year but she still thinks about him. She knows she needs to move on but like most of us, she absolutely HATES dating apps. Is there anything she can do? I share therapeutic strategies for how to get over heartbreak by moving through and moving on. Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
“We’ll be besties forever!” “No matter what happens, we’ll stay close.” “You’re my BFF and nothing will change that!” We said it. We meant it. But life happens, and it gets in the way of even the closest friendship. And sometimes it hurts—a lot. But we CAN remain close—as we talked about in last week’s episode—by examining our expectations. My BFF, Miriam Conner, joins me to share her philosophy on friendship—the “No Pressure” friendship. Specifically, we delve into: How to maintain strong friendships while also adjusting our expectations as our priorities shift. What developmental psych research on preschoolers and empathy can teach us about adult friendships! Three options for how to respond when a friend disappoints us. Personal stories of when we both found ourselves needing to cut friends out of our lives. How to handle it when a friend cancels plans at the last minute. What to do when a friend changes dramatically. How to politely disengage from a friend who has unreasonable expectations. The parallels between dating/marriage and lifelong friendships. Why some women LOVE drama in their friendships. Join us to learn how to cultivate “no pressure friendships” with your besties!  Dr. Karin  Single is the New Black - Audiobook  Audible:  iTunes:  --------------------------------------------------------  Website:  Instagram: @dr.karin
When asked what we treasure most, people readily respond with one word—relationships. Our friends, family, and romantic partners enrich our lives in myriad ways, providing encouragement, support, affection, and joy. Except when they don’t. When our relationships are in crisis, our life is in crisis and when they’re thriving, we thrive. As Tony Robbins puts it, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” So, why is it such a struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling intimacy in our lives? Great question! And, today’s episode provides answers! Join me to learn three research-based hacks to improve EVERY relationship in your life—your connection to friends, family, and significant others! Citations: Hawkley, L.C., Thisted, R.A., Masi, C.M., & Cacioppo, J.T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure:  5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132-141. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T., & Layton, B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk:  A meta-analytic review. J.PLoS Med 7 (7). Kroenke, C., Quesenberry, C., Kwan, M., Sweeney, C., Castillo, A., & Caan, B. (2013). Social networks, social support, and burden in relationships, and mortality after breast cancer diagnosis in the Life After Breast Cancer Epidemiology (LACE) Study. Breast Cancer Research and Treatment, 137(1), 261-271. Luhmann, M., Hofmann, M., Eid, W., & Lucas, R. (2012). Subjective well-being and adaptation to life events:  A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 102(3), 592-615. Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A episode! We have three questions to tackle today. 1. One listener wants to know how to ask a guy out. She lives in Ireland and finds Irish men are often hesitant to take the lead. Can she ask him out while still dating empowered? 2. A second listener struggles to find the motivation to date after a year of lockdowns and Covid malaise. But she’s in her late 30s and worries about her biological clock. Why is it such a struggle? What can she do to motivate herself? 3. A third listener wonders how to let guys know she’s interested—she’s been told she’s too closed off and appears aloof in the early stages of dating. So in her last relationship, she tried to be open, honest, and vulnerable, but she got ghosted anyway! She now regrets it because looking back she felt much “schmoopier” with this guy—which wasn’t comfortable for her. How can she express interest while still dating empowered? Join us for a deep dive into these common—and frustrating—dating dilemmas! Citations: Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
Sometimes, if we’ve been single for a while—or longer than a while—we begin to doubt ourselves. We wonder why love seems so hard to find. Are we doing something wrong? Is there a particular quality we’re missing? What are men looking for anyway? Well, here’s the good news. You have exactly what your person is looking for! I promise. And, it’s not just my opinion, it’s what science says! Psychologist David Buss studied men and women in 37 different cultures/countries and found that both sexes desire the same four qualities in their spouses. Join me for an empowering and confidence boosting episode—you have everything you need to attract your person to you! References: Buss, D. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences:  Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-14. Welch, D. (2015). Love factually:  10 proven steps from I wish to I do. Love Science Media. Sponsor: Therappy App Download the app here: Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
On Love & Life we talk about beliefs all the time—because they’re incredibly powerful and they impact every area of our lives—especially our love life. What we believe about ourselves and what we believe we have to offer a partner sets the tone we bring to our dating efforts and experiences. And sometimes, we hold beliefs that assert influence over us, but we don’t even know we hold these beliefs! On today’s episode, psychotherapist turned dating coach, Melanie Hersch, and I explore how we can harness our beliefs and level up our mindset for empowered dating! Join us to learn how to: reprogram limiting beliefs about our self-worth. identify the stories we tell ourselves—which may, in fact, be lies! be vulnerable without providing too much information too soon! recognize when we’re triggered so as not to blame and shame our partner. establish boundaries early on when dating—boundaries which establish precedents for how you desire to be treated throughout the relationship. Incorporating her psychotherapist background into her coaching philosophy, Melanie brings clarity and expertise to our podcast conversation and her approach to dating and relationships! Sponsor: Therappy App Download the app here: Melanie Hersch Website: Instagram: @therefinedwoman Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into: The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive. The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.” How casual sex “flattens” our humanity. The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there. Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men. Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, and always honest look at dating, desire, and sex. Sponsor:  Millionaire Match  Download the free app here:  Kat Harris Website:  Instagram: @therefinedwoman Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: -------------------------------------------------------- Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help! Sponsor: Millionaire Match Download the free app here: Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission! Tausha Pearson Website:  Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes:
Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single.  So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.) I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too picky and my standards were too high. But then I thought, why don’t I ask YOU which chapter you’d like to hear? So, I posted a poll in my stories and I’m glad I did because the chapter that received the most votes was chapter 11—Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever:  Fear is a Powerful thing. Everyone who’s been single longer than they’d hoped to be has encountered this fear. And many of us have made some soul crushing decisions because of it. I hope the chapter encourages you and provides you with some strategies for tackling loneliness and the fear that so often accompanies it. You asked for it, you got it!  Chapter 11: Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing. Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: iTunes: Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it! Elliott and I discuss: Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men. The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence. Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him. What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert:  NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality. Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men. How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and taking a leadership role. Why we need to reexamine our assumptions about anxious attachment style. The reality that a woman can’t make a man assertive. There’s hope for passive men and the women who love them. Join us for a deep dive into this intense and complex concern. Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
Lisa Cleary went through a bad breakup at age 31. In addition to grieving the demise of her relationship, she lost her job and ended up homeless. She slept on friends’ sofas for months. She felt defeated and demoralized—this was not where she expected to be at 31. And while her life unraveled, her friends’ lives seemed to play out perfectly. Lisa got knocked down hard, but through her pain and struggle, she developed grit and perspective. She shares her experience in her book, How to Survive a Breakup:  When All of Your Friends Are Birthing Their Second Child, and she joins us to discuss the question, “Can anything good come from a bad breakup?” Specifically she delves into: Toxic Milestones:  the tendency for women to berate themselves if they’re “missing the mark” How she felt the need to “prove her worth” with the perfect relationship and high-powered job The problem with being a Type A personality when dating Trying to make a relationship something it isn’t meant to be The beauty in honoring the “process”—as opposed to the relentless focus on the “outcome” Join us to consider the “good” we can glean from “bad” in various realms of love and life! Lisa Cleary Website: http:// Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer 3 questions: 1. How can I tell if the attraction I feel for someone is healthy?  What if the “sparks” are a result of a trauma bond or anxious attachment style? 2. How can I address the topic of a pre-nup with my fiancé? He has a son and I’m currently taking care of us financially because he’s in school. I just want to be sure I’m taking care of my finances as we move forward. 3. Do women need to “signal” to other women that they’re in a relationship? I see many women “flexing” to let others know their man is “off limits.” I’m personally not into this. But, if I’m with a guy, will he want to see me posture in this manner to let to other women know he belongs to me? Join us to hear my thoughts on these questions! Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your life!” And what better way to do so than by taking a deep dive into female brain chemistry! Thanks to Dr. Tracy Alloway’s new book, Think Like a Girl: 10 Unique Strengths of a Woman’s Brain and How to Make Them Work for You, we now have a comprehensive resource for harnessing our female brain and appreciating its superpowers! Join us to discuss: What you need to know about your female brain if you’re in leadership—or hope to be someday! How a bucket of ice can help with rational decision making! The ONE main quality to look for in potential romantic partners (it predicts successful, happy, lasting relationships!) How to be attracted to people who are GOOD for us! Attachment styles in dating—you’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about attachment and men! Oxytocin and bonding—what you need to know to cultivate and nurture your partnership/marriage! The research on how to remain madly in love! The differences between men and women when it comes to lying—spoiler alert:  we both lie, but we lie about different things! Dr. Alloway provides research based takeaways for how to level up in love and life by leveraging our innate cognitive processes and leaning into our “Think Like a Girl” power! Dr. Karin Website: Instagram: @dr.karin
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