Doing What Works

If you’re anything like Katie and me you have a low-grade, background anxiety about death. In this edition of Doing What Works we share what helps us in case it helps you. Bonus feature? Never, ever do what Darrell did as a kid. You’ll be sorry!Here are your show notes…Jerry Weintraub said death keeps the rope taut.In Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie suggested asking a little bird on your shoulder if today is the day you will die.Barbara Sher said the passage of time drives you crazy when you know you aren’t using it right.  Elizabeth Gilbert says you can tell who’s living for others by the anguished look on the faces of the others.It might be helpful when you’re struggling to think, “This is the curriculum.”Betty White wasn’t afraid to die.

An alarm I carry to scare off dogs didn’t scare a dog that terrorized me recently, but it accidentally kept me safe in a different way. That’s why I was eager to talk about utility in this edition of Doing What Works.Here are your show notes…A util is “a hypothetical unit measuring satisfaction.”Nibbles & Bits are worth it!Marginal utility is “the amount of additional utility provided by an additional unit of an economic good or service.”

How would you know what happiness feels like if you never felt the opposite? We’re happy to give sadness its due in this edition of Doing What Works.Here are your show notes…“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.”Make sure you have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.

If you’ve ever wondered how radio works but were afraid to ask, you’ll get your answer in this edition of Doing What Works. And that’s not all. You’ll also get some ideas for making peace with the unknowable, if making peace with the unknowable is your thing.Here are your show notes…How radio works!What string theory is!“Convoy” is a song that celebrated citizens band radio.Dr. Nick Morgan introduced us to the term infovore.“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”“It’s the one secret that we don’t know.” ~ What Betty White’s mother said about death.

You don’t know what’s going to make you happy until you try it. The job or the relationship that looks good on paper may not feel so great at, say, ten o’clock on a Tuesday. That’s one reason to say yes to more things, so you can get a better feel for more things. Saying yes is a habit and a mindset. If you practice saying yes to smaller things with low stakes, you might find yourself more willing to take bigger risks. That’s what we hope to inspire in this edition of Doing What Works. Here are your show notes…Irresistible author Adam Alter [http://adamalterauthor.com/] was one of Katie’s professors at NYU Stern and “say yes” was his advice.“I wish I might go back and do the little things you asked me to” is from a poem by Alice E. Chase [https://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/860.html] entitled “To My Grown-Up Son.”Saying “yes” (and “yes, and”) is a rule of improv [https://medium.com/the-improv-blog/the-first-rule-of-improv-is-yes-and-30e5954240d6].“If you can’t imagine any other explanation for a set of facts, it might be because you are bad at imagining things.” That’s from Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays].“Marriage is a big bet. It’s the only bet of its kind, one in which you say, ‘This feels right; I think I’ll change everything.’” That’s from Jerry Seinfeld [https://www.today.com/popculture/seinfeld-turns-25-read-jerrys-best-real-life-lines-1D79884423].

Getting what you want means giving up other things you want. Like comfort. You have to be uncomfortable to get in shape, have meaningful relationships (because you put in the time and have the difficult conversations), and do meaningful work (because you don’t spend every spare minute watching Apple TV+). In this edition of Doing What Works we talk about the ultimate discomfort, knowing you’ve wasted your life because you were afraid to risk the unknown.Here are your show notes…“Stay hungry, stay foolish” is from Steve Jobs [https://news.stanford.edu/2005/06/14/jobs-061505/].Darrell’s spinach salad starts with a big bowl of fresh spinach out of a bag, topped with chunked apples and salt and cashews and almonds and dried cranberries. It’s also topped with pieces of crispbread for croutons and drizzled with olive oil.Maureen’s spinach salad also starts with a big bowl of fresh spinach out of a bag -- but she tops that with raisins, walnuts, shredded cheese, salt, and olive oil.Katie isn’t a fan of spinach salads, opting for kale instead. She tops a big bowl of that with olive oil and hummus and salt, and enjoys it so much she almost always has a second bowl of the same.“Yes is the destination. No is how you get there.” That’s by way of Bob Burg by way of Patricia Rossi [https://twitter.com/DoingWhatWorks/status/1335715318040301570].

Do you apologize out of habit? For things that not only aren’t your fault, but aren’t anyone’s fault? If so, we want you to stop it. Don’t give people the impression you’re bringing the average down, metaphorically speaking, and don’t start thinking of yourself that way. Besides, it’s annoying. Gratuitous apologies are annoying. Still not convinced? Listen to this edition of Doing What Works. Here are your show notes…Are New Yorkers jerks? Not according to the author of this article [https://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/new-york-doesnt-make-you-an-asshole-080316]!

Bonding with someone over mutual dislikes is delicious. It makes you feel like it’s the two of you against the world. If only the others knew how misguided they were! But aside from the occasional rant against the injustice of it all, complaining drags you down -- along with everyone else. And in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll give you some alternatives. Like being thankful things aren’t perfect. Perfection’s boring, annoying, and pretty much the opposite of what you’re going for -- a good story.Here are your show notes…The comedian Lewis Black [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_Black] is known for his angry rants.“The most effective way of complaining is making things happen” is from a plaque in Katie’s colleague’s office.“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” That’s from Erica Jong [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/765-advice-is-what-we-ask-for-when-we-already-know].Customer service expert Rich Gallagher [https://www.pointofcontactgroup.com/] says you can never successfully criticize anyone for anything.“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time.” That’s from F. Scott Fitzgerald [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/22749-before-i-go-on-with-this-short-history-let-me].

Maureen calls it a talking hangover. The morning after a fun visit with a friend where you feel vaguely guilty for having talked too much. And as Katie points out, the better the friendship the more likely you are to want to tell that person everything -- to talk over each other, to interrupt without even realizing it. That’s why it’s important to make sure other people get a chance to hold forth. “Everyone is a storyteller dying for lack of an audience,” as one of our friends put it. In this edition of Doing What Works, we’ll inspire you to be a better audience.Here are your show notes…Acting teacher Jane Brody [http://JaneDrakeBrody.com] says talking over each other is a sign you’re both engaged in the conversation.Because Internet [https://www.amazon.com/Because-Internet-Understanding-Rules-Language/dp/0735210934] is a book Katie says will help you understand the “new rules” of language.“Constant chatter is an attempt at control” is from What Color Is Your Parachute? [http://ParachuteBook.com] author Dick Bolles.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you’re feeling sad is to do just that. Feel sad. Give yourself permission to grieve. And that’s what we’re attempting to do in this edition of Doing What Works. We want to help you ignore the contingent who suggests you let it go, buck up, and move on. We’ll also share some nontraditional ways of honoring the pain you feel.Here are your show notes…“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” is from “Closing Time” [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8] by Semisonic.“I’m here. What do you need?” That’s from Frozen II [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4520988/quotes/?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu].Staying the Course: A Runner’s Toughest Race [https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Course-Runners-Toughest-Race/dp/0816637598] got rave reviews -- but not by the Star Tribune in Minneapolis.“The most important question a person can ask is, ‘Is the Universe a friendly place?’” That’s often attributed to Albert Einstein [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/73191-the-most-important-question-a-person-can-ask-is-is].

You can’t necessarily judge a book by its cover, but we bet you judge the cover! And in this edition of Doing What Works we talk about college care packages that delight, how to get your budget-conscious sweetheart to spring for a prettier but more expensive shampoo bottle, and why tattoos don’t always backfire in job interviews. Katie will tell you what it’s like to move through the world sparkling as much as she does, and Maureen closes the show with a passionate rant against (get this) walls.Here are your show notes…Our friend Bruce Littlefield [http://www.brucelittlefield.com/] says parties and presents are more fun if you have a theme.Wait But Why’s Tim Urban [https://waitbutwhy.com/2018/04/picking-career.html] says he’s a cook when it comes to his wardrobe.“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” That’s from Abe Lincoln [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/83633-give-me-six-hours-to-chop-down-a-tree-and], and Maureen’s approximation on the show didn’t even come close.“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” That’s from Gustav Flaubert [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/480219-be-regular-and-orderly-in-your-life-so-that-you], and Maureen got a little closer with that one. Do you wonder why we don’t always quote people accurately during the show? Because we aren’t on our devices when we record, that’s why. And it’s another reason we appreciate the suggestion from a best friend, Patricia Rossi [https://twitter.com/PatriciaRossi], to add these notes to your podcast notifications.

Are you surrounded by upbeat, hopeful people? Happiness is contagious, as is the opposite. So choose your friends with that in mind. In this edition of Doing What Works, Katie and I talk about the importance of having something to look forward to. Maybe that “something” lives up to the hype; maybe not. But chances are you were happier for having the dream. That’s not nothing! We also give you a quick recap of basic things almost guaranteed to make you feel better.Here are your show notes…Michael Port [https://www.michaelport.com/] is a public speaking coach who says telling someone “great question” during the Q&A can backfire. You don’t want the others to think they’re asking just-okay questions, after all. Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays] says you can program yourself to feel great by answering “Great!” to the question of “How are you?”

Are you already stressed out from the thought of holiday shopping? Maybe we can help. In this edition of Doing What Works we invite you to think outside that perfectly-wrapped box and share gifts that will be truly meaningful. And if you stick with us to the end of the program you’ll get an express ticket to an inexpensive gift almost guaranteed to delight the fussiest recipient!Here are your show notes…“Love is the quality of attention we pay to things” is from the poet J. D. McClatchy [https://www.brainpickings.org/2018/04/26/j-d-mcclatchy-love-speaks-its-name/].“Everyone is a storyteller dying for lack of an audience” is from What Color Is Your Parachute? [https://www.parachutebook.com/] author Dick Bolles.“Things happen to you when you’re single. Then you get married, and life tends to slow to a crawl.” That’s from Nora Ephron in Heartburn [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1897560-heartburn].“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me” is from the poet W. H. Auden [https://poets.org/poem/more-loving-one].“Never knit your boyfriend a sweater” is from the writer Gretchen Rubin [https://gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/little-happier-never-knit-boyfriend-sweater/].“Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.” That’s from the late Cosmo editor Helen Gurley Brown [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/08/19/good-bad-girls/].

Do you realize what kinds of risks you’re taking? From the “just this once” text you send while driving to investing another ten or twenty years in a career you already know you hate? Maybe you’re not as special as you think and that one text will rob several people of their lives. And did those first ten or twenty years in the wrong career really doom you to spending the next ten or twenty years that way? In this edition of Doing What Works, we hope to inspire you to give more thought to the assumptions you may not even realize you’re making.Here are your show notes…More than half of all car accidents happen within five miles of where you live [https://www.wilshirelawfirm.com/blog/car-accident/where-do-car-accidents-happen-most/].Marketing guru Seth Godin says what we make all day are decisions [https://seths.blog/].The Social Dilemma examines just how addictive technology can be [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11464826/].Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays] says people don’t generally make decisions for reasons that are rational.“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” is from Helen Keller [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/526067-life-is-either-a-daring-adventure-or-nothing-security-does].

Is there such a thing as being too playful? Doubt it! And in this edition of Doing What Works we take a serious look at the quest for silly. Our family makes it a project. We'll tell you what we do on a daily basis to make the so-called ordinary days more fun. On special occasions (read: any time we're all together, in person) we celebrate with what Katie calls "Doing the Silly." Bonus feature: what her guests are treated to on a tour of her apartment.Here are your show notes…Do children laugh hundreds of times more a day than adults? Maybe yes [https://arlenetaylor.org/laughter-humor-and-the-brain/4192-amount-of-laughter], maybe no [https://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/children-laughter-frequency/].“Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” is from the Bible [https://www.biblehub.com/matthew/18-3.htm].The writer Dave Barry makes a living being silly [http://davebarry.com/dave-barry.php] and is featured in Maureen’s book, The Career Clinic: Eight Simple Rules for Finding Work You Love [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001UE88OK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0].Inspire kids to eat vegetables by telling them not to! [https://twitter.com/DoingWhatWorks/status/1311687341371785217]Ze Frank [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ze_Frank] shares “true facts” about the tarsier [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Jz0JcQYtqo].“Most cutting thing you can say is ‘who’s this clown?’ because it implies they’re a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns” is from Twitter [https://twitter.com/skullmandible/status/1253052906787360768].#TheKaOfKatie [https://twitter.com/hashtag/TheKaOfKatie?src=hashtag_click] on Twitter is where I’ve shared her best one-liners.

Darrell and Katie and I don’t remember fondly our early days on a bike. But now? Wow! Darrell rides to stay in shape, and plans those rides around wildlife sightings in the small town where we live. Katie’s been riding her bike around New York City for two years. It keeps her healthy, it’s her primary means of transportation, and it’s almost as much fun as she can have. Is there a more wholesome activity in all the world? It’s the question we attempt to answer in this edition of Doing What Works.Here are your show notes…Learn more about biking in New York City at (you guessed it!) Bike.NYC [http://Bike.NYC].

“We have a massive food waste problem in this country,” says Doing What Works producer Darrell Anderson. “It’s critical to the future of the planet that we solve it.” Darrell’s not only our producer but has hosted a long-running radio program covering not only agriculture but also food sourcing and safety. And while Katie and I had a bit of a learning curve when it came to just how much it bothers Darrell personally to waste food, we came around. In this edition of the show we talk about that evolution and why we hope you’ll start caring more about food waste, too.Here are your show notes…Officials from the United States Department of Agriculture say between thirty and forty percent of food is wasted [https://www.usda.gov/foodwaste/faqs].“’How bad could throwing away one plastic water bottle be?’ five hundred million people wonder” is from The Onion [https://www.theonion.com/] -- though it may have been a different number of million people!If we cut back on food waste, we’ll be able to meet global food needs through 2050 -- and that’s according to officials from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations [http://www.fao.org/news/story/en/item/35571/icod].Officials from the Yale Center for Environmental Communication say food waste contributes to a significant amount of greenhouse gas emissions, and estimate that between six and eleven percent of total emissions would be eliminated with zero food waste [https://yaleclimateconnections.org/2019/05/food-waste-has-crucial-climate-impacts/].

You’re making memories as a family whether you realize it or not. Why not make a point to make them great? In this edition of Doing What Works, Darrell interviews Katie and me about the family memories we’re proudest of, in hopes you’ll get some ideas for making ordinary days special -- and special days legendary.Here are your show notes…Career consultant Michael Bryant [http://unstucker.com/] wonders if you really want your kids to remember you being on your devices when, for example, you’re at the beach.

You open your mailbox, and there it is. Nestled among a pile of bills, and more than one “Everything Must Go!” notice from a furniture store, is a handwritten thank-you note. Said handwriting is impeccable, the cardstock is heavy, the stamp may even be tailored to the occasion. Kind of puts a spring back in your step as you head back to the house, right? Oh, but that’s only one reason thank-you notes matter. In this edition of Doing What Works, Katie takes the reins as we talk about the life-changing magic of noticing and appreciating your life.Here are your show notes…I thanked Dr. Alex Lickerman for sharing this on Twitter [https://twitter.com/AlexLickerman/status/1291087002717364231].Here are the No Nonsense socks [https://www.riteaid.com/shop/no-nonsense-quarter-top-cushioned-socks-white-3-pairs-0415683?msclkid=25f7f482333b1acf8624abeb2278722c&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%5BPLA%5D%5BNB%5DApparel_Accessories&utm_term=4580702886115029&utm_content=Clothing] we raved about.Here’s the Clorox Bleach Gel [https://www.amazon.com/Clorox-Precision-Bleach-Original-Ounces/dp/B072PZCTCL] we raved about.“Withholding praise borders on immoral” is from Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays]. Here’s how I thanked him [https://twitter.com/DoingWhatWorks/status/1290448686737166337] for his inspiration.

Have you come to an important intersection in your life? In this edition of Doing What Works, Katie and I want to inspire you to pause before you cross the street. Take time to reflect. Are you excited to get up in the morning and tear into another day? Do you love being with the people you’re with? Can you imagine looking back on a life filled with meaning? Don’t let anyone tell you it’s too late to give yourself a clean slate, to be a beginner, to surprise yourself with just how magnificent your life can be.Here are your show notes…The actor Rob Lowe, in Love Life [https://www.amazon.com/Love-Life-Rob-Lowe/dp/1451685718], talks about a moment of transition for the actor Arnold Schwarzenegger.My friend, the publicist Dennis Welch [https://www.bearticulate.com/], talks about transition in an essay for Thrive Global [https://thriveglobal.com/stories/why-not-you/?fbclid=IwAR1OS-sGtOL93P-q-52KVh30rG1A4jqY7Wv20HiP1jVwPuhxZVmpo6DEVps]. “If I had my wish,” Dennis writes, “I would die on a Friday night so that I could finish one more week serving my clients and relishing every minute of it before I move on.”Prescriptions for Living author Bernie Siegel [https://www.amazon.com/Prescriptions-Living-Inspirational-Lessons-Joyful/dp/0060929367] tells a story about a monk who, when asked what he’d do if he had only fifteen minutes left to live, smiled and said, “This.” Then he went back to his gardening.Death in a dream often represents transition [https://www.learning-mind.com/death-dreams-meaning/].“The business side of art is also an art” is from John T. Unger [https://johntunger.com/].