Man Up / Man Down

David and Volker were introduced by a mutual colleague and really hit it off. Despite working on an unrelated project, they spent a lot of time discussing how much life had changed during the pandemic and how it had exacerbated and accelerated many of life’s challenges. David felt like he was going through, what he could only describe as, “a post-pandemic slump”. However, he had also noticed off-hand comments from friends and colleagues which suggested they were going through a similar experience.  Maybe not full-blown breakdowns but there just seemed an undercurrent of exhaustion and low-level depression. And the more David and Volker discussed this the more they realised that this was as much related to where they were in life, the dreaded “middle age”, as the impact of lockdown and the pandemic. The more David and Volker got sidetracked by these discussions, the more they felt that they should be recording these thoughts. Mainly because David has struggled with mental health issues for most of his life and Volker has spent most of his life practicing mindfulness and teaching business leaders tools for resilience and success. Tools that could help middle-aged men that were struggling with the pressures of post-pandemic life. All strung around experiences and challenges that they have both experienced, that most men of our age could relate to: Children that no longer see you as the best thing since sliced bread Adapting to working from home Juggling family and work commitments Taking better care of yourself (mentally and physically) Weight loss Exercise Alcohol Friendships Loneliness Happiness Success Depression, anxiety and other mental health issues Sleep/insomnia Finding time for your wife/partner Finding time for yourself Getting a puppy (Which always seems like a good idea on paper, particularly during lockdown). Sharing these interests and challenges, we decided to record an episode every week to cover topics we feel other middle-aged men could massively relate to but were perhaps afraid to discuss with their friends.  We try and stick to the science as much as possible but there’s also a lot of rambling and ranting with a healthy dose of humour (both German and British). To find out more about who David and Volker are, just check out our website www.manupdown.com.  The reason we called it that is because we were told from an early age to ‘Man Up’, don’t show emotions, be the breadwinner and look after the family. Yet there are so many men that are down and don’t talk about it. That’s what we want to change! In this inaugural episode, we talk a lot about ourselves of course, introducing you to our journey and our personalities. We talk about hindsight and insights into our life and what could have happened if, and why we are the way we are. What drives us on? What used to drive us on back then, and how has it changed in middle age?  We are curious about what your journey has been so far, and how we might be able to help you. As said above, we can accommodate more topics, and will invite expert speakers later on in the podcast. Email us, let us know how we do to podcast@manupdown.com - or individually - volker@ or david@manupdown.com Why are we doing this? For one, it is to share our thoughts and experience because we know that so many people our age are also struggling with the same issues. By sharing our exeprinces and challenges we hope to help you to improve your life.  We want to create a community and platform for people to share their experience, learn from each other, and become their better self. We are sharing a lot of thoughts about what we learned so far, what it means to grow up with certain expectations, and how we have to unlearn things in life. How has your upbringing influenced your life so far? How can you shed some of those influences to get unstuck in life and move forward? We are rambling on, but it’s just so important for men to open up and talk about the issues they are facing. We all have the same challenges and need to cope with life. We cannot just give up, although the statistic says that most people who give up and sadly take their own life, are men at the age of 45-49 (23.8 out of 100,000 - statistics from England). When we talk about those topics and you ever feel distressed, please seek professional help.  We like to recommend Samaritans, but there are lots of organisations that can help you. And we must reiterate, you should seek professional help and there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is all about identifying what the term midlife crisis actually means. What’s the actual age of a midlife crisis? Are we all destined to have one, regardless of what we have achieved in life? Is it just a natural part of human development or “growing up”? This is how Wikipedia, defines it: A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45 to 65 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person's growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly lack of accomplishments in life.  This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or feel the wish to change past decisions and events.  Studies on midlife crises show that they are less common than popularly believed, according to Vaillant (2012) in his 75-year longitudinal study on adult development, he found midlife crises were rare experiences for people involved in the study. The term was coined by Elliott Jaques in 1965. Steven Barlett said that ‘if he carries on like this, he will certainly have a midlife crisis’, yet he is only 29. And, by most standards, incredibly successful.  So, what does that mean? Is a mid-life crisis career related or age-related. And with life expectancy steadily increasing, does that mean middle-age is being pushed back? Data shows that ⅓ of babies born will live to be 100. Check out your chances of making a century here. (Women are more likely to than men). Volker has been following the Modern Elder Academy for a while. It is the world's first wisdom school dedicated to midlife transitions. The Academy’s aim is to change the way society views ageing through its programs at its Baja campus, online, and its new location in Santa Fe, New Mexico (opens 2023). Is age just a number? We believe Chip Conley has been involved in this, and definitely a person to look up if you want to form an opinion. David suggested this HBR article. Is it about hindsight and lost opportunities? The sliding doors of making a decision that you might regret later. Is that when you start looking for a younger partner? Volker instead opted for the older model, getting himself a toy car, his pride, just before he turned 45. Others buy a boat, a motor bike, or non monetary start filling voids with new hobbies, the first marathon or a side hustle. Or in some cases have an affair… (Volker and David would like to point out they haven’t gone down that last route! Although David is happy to accept offers - JOKE!). Volker started his journey to get tattoos during lockdown. He isn’t the only one, there are articles about it, and people over 60 getting tattoos.  Is it because children need us less when they grow up? Or because we are settled more in our job or relationship, needing to invest less time. Or is it as aforementioned that we are looking for a purpose? And during Covid we had more time, and we thought about life. We looked for new things to do.  Covid can be seen as an accelerator to a midlife crisis or even a replacement. As David states, this description of a mid-life crisis could also relate to what many of us went through during lockdown: Neglect of  personal hygiene Dramatic changes in sleep patterns Weight loss or gain Change in mood: anxiety Withdraw from relationships and usual routines (which we didn’t have much choice in at the height of the pandemic).  For some, the crisis resulted in us paddling harder, finding new work, continuing with our routine, rather than giving in and slacking. Volker gives his view of lockdown, how he didn’t have time to watch Netflix because he couldn’t give up, he just put himself out there, working harder, keeping purpose and routines.  He also learned how to up-cycle woodwork. We see this with older people as well, the ones that have purpose, keep physically and mentally active, are the ones that seem to have a more fulfilled and usually longer life.  David admits he took an escapist approach - taking out a Disney+ subscription and rediscovering his love of reading fiction. He also got a new appreciation for the simple things in life, such as cuddling with his cat! Whilst we will talk more about alcohol in next week’s episode, we drank a lot more during lockdown. That also means that during a crisis, we go back and comfort ourselves with stimulus. It’s all about the excitement of building a new outdoor kitchen, learning how to BBQ meat properly, pizza ovens and all sorts of things.  Any kind of void needs to be filled, and it’s the same with the midlife crisis. We shouldn’t forget that midlife crises are also happening to women, but there is probably another podcast for that too :-) We are running out of time when we turn 40+, don’t we? As we discussed, planning holidays with the kids, and things we want to achieve, before the clock stops. We don’t know how long we have. Do we see it as the glass half full or half empty? What about how the world is changing? Will we be able to see the Seychelles? Do we want to? Another topic we touched on was suicide in men. Sadly suicide is highly common in men over 40. The office for National Statistics published data for England here: The male suicide rate for was 15.3 per 100,000* compared to the female suicide rate of 4.9 per 100,000*  Males aged 45-49 continue to have the highest suicide rate (23.8 per 100,000) There is regional variation in the suicide rates. The North East of England had the highest suicide rate (13.3. per 100,000) in 2020, which has been the case in five out of the last 10 preceding years and saw an increase of 15.7% compared to 2019. In this podcast by Steve Bartlett, the celebrity Roman Kemp talked about losing his best friend to suicide at the height of lockdown. He makes an interesting point that depression can spiral during times when men feel that they have little control over their lives. Sadly committing suicide is often perceived as an act of taking back that control. Mid career crisis is another phrase that has been gaining ground in recent years. As the Modern Elder Academy suggests, we can easily start a new career in our 40s. We still have 20 years or more left.  However, if we look at the ‘man as a breadwinner’, it’s often not that simple. Would you (and your family) be happy to change your career and take a pay cut, in anticipation of being happier? Or do you just carry on? Volker touches on his work he does in transition and career coaching, helping people in their mid-life to figure out where to put their focus.  Age shouldn’t be anything that stops you. Whether it is taking on running and doing a marathon or just doing regular 10Ks. What we are trying to say, we shouldn't see age as a limitation. “Being at an age where I don’t care what people think of me anymore” - is that mid life confidence? And do we do certain things because of our parents, or because of what we feel our duty was at the time? Is mid life crisis something that helps you to break free? What are your thoughts?Let us know in the comments or reach out to podcast@manupdown.com and suggest topics, people to interview and please let us know what you think. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s episode is all about alcohol. Many of us focus on various aspects of our mental and physical health but gloss over our relationship with alcohol. Most of us like a drink, and sometimes we have a bit more than we should. And as we get older, we gain weight, and a lot is down to alcohol. Alcohol has 7 calories per gram, almost the same as fat which has 9 calories per gram. And after a few drinks we then turn to snacks and junk food, we wouldn’t normally drink. And as we get older, our metabolism isn’t able to break calories down as quickly as they used to. That leads to us gaining weight.  Both David and Volker have both lost a significant amount of weight in the past by cutting out alcohol but accept how ingrained alcohol is in our social lives.  This is particularly true for men. Almost 59% of adult men report drinking alcohol in the past 30 days compared with 47% of adult women. Also, men are almost two times more likely to binge drink than women.  Approximately 22% of men report binge drinking and on average do so 5 times a month, consuming 8 drinks per binge, according to the CDC website. While the two of us don’t suffer from physical alcohol dependencies, we both still like a tipple. But we don’t always know when to stop either.  Volker admits that during his uni days there were times when he lost control or forgot what was going on. This is because alcohol inhibits the brain ability to construct memories. David and Volker are both very conscious in terms of how much they drink, and if you think you aren’t in control, please contact your GP or organisations that can help you with problem drinking. We believe alcohol is the only drug on the market where we get encouraged to take more of. No one ever says ‘come on, have another line of coke’ or ‘take another pill of x’, but people encourage you to ‘have one more drink’, or ‘don’t be a p*, have a drink’. We share a lot of stories around alcohol, and one of the reasons is that we grew up with it, and have been in environments where it was common to drink a lot. More than one should do. And we are not the only ones, it is very common, and unfortunately it leads to relationship problems, job problems and of course poor mental health. Regular, heavy drinking interferes with chemicals in the brain that are vital for good mental health. So while we might feel relaxed after a drink, in the long run alcohol has an impact on mental health and can contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety, and make stress harder to deal with. Sadly, people who suffer from alcoholism are up to 120 times more likely to take their own life than those who are not dependent on alcohol. This ties in with the stats we shared previously around increased suicide rates within middle aged men. Unfortunately though, it is still a badge of honour to be ‘hanging’ or not being a ‘lightweight’ - even at our age. If recreational drugs were tools, “alcohol would be a sledgehammer”. Few cognitive functions or behaviours escape the impact of alcohol... alcohol can disrupt or completely block the ability to form memories for events that transpire while a person is intoxicated, a type of impairment known as a blackout.  What we also realise is that when we drink, we also eat more. The munchies after a few drinks, maybe even ordering a pizza or eating a kebab, contributing to weight gain. It also impacts how well we sleep.  According to The Sleep Foundation, high amounts of alcohol (defined as more than 2 drinks for males) decreases sleep quality by 39%. According to Cancer Research no amount of alcohol is safe, and can cause 7 different types of cancer - including breast, bowel and mouth cancer as well as cancer of the liver. Yet we are often recommended to have a little bit of alcohol. We regularly see news in the press that a glass of red wine is good for your heart. However, it’s easy to over do it. The recommended units per week in the UK are 14 units. That’s pretty much a bottle of Shiraz. Technically a binge is 4 drinks over a 2 hour period. If you think about a football match, that’s easily done.  We need to find a positive relationship with alcohol or relationship. There is no need to have a drink, and the fantasy that wine, similar to cigars, are a status symbol and a collectors item, is a marketing ploy. While we don’t want to tell you what to do, we encourage you to look at your relationships with drugs. And alcohol is a drug, as simple as that. Depending on your consumption, your liver can recover within 30 days, which we believe is a great incentive to do either ‘dry January’ or ‘sober in October’. Or both. Either way, reducing your alcohol consumption overall, and replacing it with maybe non alcoholic drinks or giving up completely, might be a good step. Or a very controlled way of drinking alcohol. The vicious cycle is that when we meet people in a social setting, you want to be part of the group and drink with them, given they drink. And if we don’t drink, we get people taking the mickey out of us - which is a societal problem of not accepting people to not drink. Therefore, as a society, we still need to learn to accept people not drinking, in order to have a more healthy relationship with alcohol. On the plus side, the availability of alcohol free drinks and beers are now on the rise, so it is easier to not drink “under the radar” in situations where others might pressure you to. Have you overcome a tricky relationship with alcohol and want to share your story? Who should we speak to in order to investigate this topic further? Please let us know on podcast@manupdown.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most of us, particularly in our age, have piled on some pounds over the years. Covid didn’t help, lockdowns and less exercise, binge eating and drinking (see episode 3), would have contributed to weight gain. Not to mention the binge eating at McDonalds or the cheeky kebab on the way home. A six pack is made in the kitchen, not in the gym. Volker lost 10kg a few years ago, partly through exercise but mainly through eating less calories than he took in and watching what he eats. He repeated this again recently and lost about 7kg. But the metabolism changes as you get older, and it is harder to lose weight. As we age, our metabolism slows and the rate at which we break down food decreases by 10% each decade after age 20. Metabolism is the amount of energy (calories) your body uses to maintain itself. Volker is now doing intermittent fasting, 16:8, which means to not eat for 16 hours from 9 pm until 1 pm and only eat during the hours of 1 and 9 pm. Essentially it means the body is eating its own fat as it is moving into ketosis.  David has done a press-up challenge, steps per day challenge and generally tries to keep fit, yet he still has a few kilos more than he wants to.  What seems to work best to lose weight at our age is to reduce your sugar intake, and if we look at episode 3 again, even if we think we don’t have a high sugar intake, beer and wine have a lot of sugar. And there are lots of hidden sugars in a variety of foods. MyFitnessPal is a great app we recommend to count your calories and make sure to track how much you eat.  The minimum amount of energy needed to carry out these basic processes while an organism is fasting and at rest is known as the basal metabolic rate, or BMR, which can be calculated using a variety of online calculators that take into account an individual’s height, weight, age, and sex.  BMR is often referred to as resting metabolic rate, or RMR. Total energy expenditure (TEE) is a combination of BMR, plus energy used for physical activities and energy used to digest food (known as dietary thermogenesis). For sedentary adults, BMR accounts for about 50% to 70% of total energy output, dietary thermogenesis for 10% to 15%, and physical activity for the remaining 20% to 30% Restaurants of a certain size now have to show how many calories a meal contains which should help people to evaluate how much food they should eat each day. Volker regularly orders kids portions to cut down his calorie intake.  We also touched on supplements. Volker regularly takes cod liver oil, electrolyte, focus pills to support your brain performance, vitamin B, C, D, blaseed oil and milk thistle. David swears on heights which seems good value for money combining the main supplements in one ‘magic pill’. The challenge with supplements is that once you are on the treadmill, you have a psychological contract with it that you don’t want to stop.  Oregano pills are recommended for an upset stomach. Disclaimer: do your research prior to taking any supplements, and we are not suggesting you should take any.  Discussing Huel, David doesn’t seem to be a fan, and Volker isn’t too keen on replacement meals either. Whilst they save time to eat, his experience with protein shakes is stomach upsetting. Adding every mineral and nutrition the body needs via a capsule or instant powder instead of real food just doesn’t sound right. In regards to fitness: Volker has done three marathons, and it seems common in mid life to decide to take on some challenges; David has done a few triathlons, marathons and ultra triathlete and is an active triathlete.  Starting with cycling into London to running with the pram as a stay at home dad. He has done a few marathons and ultramarathons. And one of the motivations to do one was to not have regrets when being older.  Yet, doing a marathon won’t guarantee you to lose weight. As personal trainers suggest, you only have to have a certain heart rate, for Volker around 122, that gets him into the fat burning zone.  Another point we discussed is for men to look like ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger’, using and abusing steroids. There is an increase in steroid abuse: "It is suggested that the majority of AAS use in the UK is for cosmetic reasons, as opposed to enhancement of athletic performance.1, 2  The typical user would be considered by society as fairly ordinary (for example, a 19-year-old male who wishes to optimise his physique inspired by reality TV shows; or, a 45-year-old male who needs an outlet from pressures at home and work; or a 62-year-old male who aims to recreate the care-free experiences of his youth).  However, what most have in common is a desire for extreme masculinity and an increase in self-esteem.” This is another important factor to consider. Some people want to look ‘manly’ and think that we need to look ripped and muscular to look like a man. Personally, Volker thinks just not having a big beer gut is a good achievement. We have friends at our age who traded in for a ‘younger model’, with people getting a high motivation finding a younger woman which results in them losing weight quickly. So once we know why, it’s a question of how.  And whilst there are a lot of promises out there on how to lose weight quickly, the why is super important. Volker quit smoking a few years, from 60 to no cigarettes within a day, cold turkey, but the reason was there to live a healthier life, not dying of lung cancer. Those shock mechanisms definitely work. And let’s not forget, if you have a healthy sex life, you can burn more calories. Research has found that men burn an average of 101 calories during sex, or about 4.2 calories burned per minute. We could argue how many minutes that is… women burn an average of 69 calories during sex, or about 3.2 per minute. Have you lost weight or got super fit during your middle ages and want to share your story? Who should we speak to in order to investigate this topic further? Please let us know on podcast@manupdown.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode might not sound obvious for a podcast, however, in our social circles dog ownership seems to have been a major trend. Both David and Volker have become dog owners over the last 18 months.  And we’re not alone. In 2010/11, 22% of UK households were dog owners, which remained stable until 2020/21, when it jumped to 33%. Similar levels of increase were seen in the dog population – since 2010 it's increased from 7.6m to 12.5m today. The share of households owning a pet in the UK remained relatively stable between 2011/12 and 2019/20, hovering around 45%; however, this changed significantly during the pandemic, which saw a rise to an unprecedented high of 59% in 2020/21. So what is it about “man’s best friend” (a phrase that was coined during a US court case)? A 2020 survey asked dog owners to state their reasons for owning a dog and all linked their ownership to either improving their happiness and/or providing companionship.  Happiness was the most common response, with 51% stating ‘because they make me happy’; 47% said their dogs provided ‘love/affection’ and 35% stated their dogs provided ‘companionship’. We recorded this episode during a hot spell in the UK, which has been causing sleep issues. David talks about how lack of sleep creates anxiety, and gets your head racing.  Yet, having a puppy, like a baby, you have to be there 24 hours and get up at night if they need to get out. But as David suggested, it’s a good reason to go out for a walk. Volker talks about his 5 am routine, and how it works for him to regularly get his run and exercise programme done, no matter how many beers he had in the evening. But back to the four legged friends… A puppy or dog provides not only companionship but also helps with your mental health. A dog, not like a cat, will always want to please you. Why do people get dogs or cats?  Research shows that: they are best friends, provide companionship, fight loneliness and improve mental health. However, as David pointed out, his mental health actually got worse for the first few months of dog ownership, which isn’t something that dog owners talk about. However, something David has struggled with is the increased interaction with humans! David loves a walk but often finds himself forced into conversations with other dog owners when he’s out for some peace and quiet. Here are a few more stats we discuss: On average, dog owners walk 22 more minutes per day compared to people without dogs. A Lintbells survey reported that UK dog owners walk an average of 21 miles a week. Dog owners are more likely to meet physical activity guidelines than people without a dog. A 2021 study affirms that dog walking can have a positive impact on a human’s mental health. 93% of British dog owners wish they walked their dogs more often. The statistics speak for themselves -  if you want to get a dog, you need to consider the time you have to spend with it. Getting a puppy isn’t, for want of a better phrase, just a walk in the park. While a lot of pressure comes from the children to get a dog but they don’t support you as much as they say they would. Whether it is picking up poo or going for walks, we all know children quickly lose interest in the day to day care. After Volker’s building work was done, his garden never really recovered, so he got artificial grass to make it easier for the dog to do his business. If the dog has the runs, you can just hose down the lawn.  Unfortunately, money you spend on dogs is extortionate. And if you don’t train it properly, the dog will or can become the king of the house.  So it’s important to remember the advice Volker was given by a friend: Don’t ever forget that it’s a dog. Treat him like a dog, not a human being.  And as Volker pointed out, he loves having Arnie, his miniature sausage dog, at home. With long days in the office, having a reason to break up the day, get up, go for a walk and just having someone or something around reduces feelings of isolation and lonliness. And you can talk to dogs too! We had a rant about our cats, outlining the challenges of going to vets regularly and, whilst living based on a Buddhist philosophy, it comes down to costs and how you feel being ripped off by vets. Volker was unlucky with Arnie having had a puppy disease, making the insurance worthwhile from the outset.  Have you recently become a new dog owner? What has your experience been like? Has it been all you hoped? Or a bigger challenge than you anticipated.  Drop us an email to let us know! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This was a true revelation for Volker to listen to David and his challenges with adult autism, ADHD (attention deficit / hyperactivity disorder) and neurodiversity. There seems to be a “trend” of more people being diagnosed with ADHD and autism, and unfortunately the NHS is too overwhelmed to actually give everyone the attention they need. They list the top signs of adult ADHD on their website. There are superpowers we all know from the 1980ies movie Rainman, from sketching a building after only seeing it for seconds, to counting toothpicks on the floor (Rainman) - not everyone with autism can do that, and David doesn’t have any of those superpowers. David has been researching it for over 8 years, and he isn’t satisfied that he doesn't know everything about the subject yet which is a trait of people with adult autism. Neurodiversity is the umbrella term, with autism, ADHD or OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) being forms of it. The main “symptoms” are either to have difficulties concentrating or hyperactivity and impulsiveness. The naughty schoolboy comes to mind. Looking at a list of signs of autism, Volker discovers that some of those are very common. So how do we differentiate between being autistic and being “normal” (whatever normal means). Finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling Getting very anxious about social situations Finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own Seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to Finding it hard to say how you feel Taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg" Having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes Not understanding social "rules", such as not talking over people Avoiding eye contact Getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you Noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not Having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities Liking to plan things carefully before doing them David says that when the above causes disruption and real anxiety in your life is what differentiates neurodiversity from being “normal”. Or as one of the leading experts in autism puts it “The key question is: are autistic characteristics interfering with your ability to function?”. David describes in detail how he plans any social setting and how he gets the storytelling mind, asking ‘what if that happens or that’. There is a constant commentary that he finds difficult to turn off.  Or he hyperfocuses on one thing that distracts him from getting on with his day - for example, waiting to get an email about a confirmed work project can stop him from getting on with the work he already has! He further describes how tired he is and how exhausting this constant ‘nagging’ can be, he is comparing it to swimming with an anchor. This sometimes makes it difficult to deal with his children and family and friends sometimes. Anything unplanned, even pleasant surprises, can be difficult to cope with. He also describes a constant feeling of being on edge and finding it difficult to cope. Alcohol, which we spoke about, does help in social settings in order to get over the initial limitations of being social. But that can’t be the solution. David also suffers with depression, having anxiety about how good things are that he produced. This includes the podcast, and where he procrastinates in terms of reviewing the podcast and the shownotes.  Despite his challenges, he puts his life into perspective, making sure he stays positive and has goals to aspire to. Alistair Campell, who we would love to have on the podcast, sees depression as a scale from 0-10; “0” “I will kill myself” and 10 being “I am on the top of the world”. However he takes the view that he won’t ever allow himself to get to zero and is unlikely to ever reach a 10 (despite having orchestrated one of the biggest election wins in UK history). Diagnosis of autism has jumped by almost 800% in the last two decades. This article just shows how the awareness has increased while the median age has gone up. In short we are seeing more diagnosis of older people. David believes this is because if you were doing “ok” at school, you’d fly under the radar and weren’t showing behavioural causes for concern. However as there is growing awareness of symptoms, and diagnoses of high profile celebrities, more people are seeking answers. David mentions that he first began learning about autism when he studied psychology at college. He then noticed certain behaviours in family members that he felt were typical of autism. Which then led his partner to say “but that’s exactly how you react in those situations”... There is no cure or medication for ASD (although there is for ADHD, if you can afford private treatment or are patient enough to wait several years for diagnosis on the NHS).  However David has found a regular mindfulness practice helps when he has periods of overwhelm.   As always, please let us know what you think and reach out with any guests we should get on to deep dive into this topic? Have you been affected by ADHD, share your experience and get in touch!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our first guest, Matthew Knight, joined us on this episode to talk about his journey as a freelancer, his mental health challenges and the Leapers network, which he created. Leapers is a community for freelancers to support each other and Volker has been a member for many years. The support is for anything from mental health to tax questions, IR35 and technology. A community that understands the challenges all freelancers have, they ‘just get it’. It’s sometimes a bit like a virtual water cooler where you can meet and discuss almost anything. With the pandemic, at least in Volker’s mind, the community grew closer together, and the peer support got even stronger.  One topic we discussed was about coworking space and the new way of working. Freelancers are often working from home and don’t have the community of the office. Hence finding like minded people to work together can be a huge benefit to your mental health or might just get you out to bounce ideas off someone. Volker enjoys the daily chats and being able to support with advice but also gaining advice from other like minded people. His most enjoyable interactions are the ones on days when no one else is working, like a Sunday morning. There is always someone who offers you a virtual cuppa. Leapers was founded prior to the pandemic, when flexible working and working from home became commonplace. Matthew is a thought leader, challenging the traditional models of working and presenting our work to companies. The Leapers community (hosted on a slack channel), now has many thousands members. This allows members to openly share their vulnerability and be open about the common challenges they face - whether that's needing emotional support, a pep talk or the opportunity to vent about clients not paying on time. In short, it’s a safe place. Matthew had two reasons to focus on mental health support. The first was that there were no support groups for freelancers, and there was a hussle culture around entrepreneurship, about working 80 hours a week. The second reason was that he had been struggling with mental health himself. Research shows two thirds of freelancers don’t know where to find support when struggling with bad mental health. To be honest, we believe even ‘companies’ don’t have the right support yet, and we would argue Leapers offers a better, free of charge, support for freelancers than many companies do for their employees. Now imagine how things were like 5 or even 10 years ago.  Deloitte’s report on mental health at work highlights the impact mental health has on work, including stats for ROI and money lost to businesses. We cover that in a later episode in greater detail. Isn’t it sad that only when we put a money value on something that corporations pay attention to it. Is that how life should be? Isn’t that one of the reasons why so many people quit their jobs and go freelance? One of the challenges of freelancing is that you never really get any downtime. You constantly worry about taking time off, as you need to earn money, or you look for your next project. There are a few habits you need to unlearn when coming out of full time employment.  Matthew used the example of comparing a freelancer to a laptop: If you don’t recharge your laptop overnight, don’t upgrade the software and look after the machine, you aren’t able to work the next day. There are no sick days, or if there are, they aren’t paid. And with freelancers looking after themselves better, looking after their mental health in particular, you could argue they are more self-aware and more resilient.  We also touch on whether older, middle aged, freelancers should seek paid employment again for security and support. On average self-employed people are about 10-15% happier (net-happiness), e.g. the wins are all yours and the failures are all yours too. Correlation and causation is a tricky one when we look at self-employed and mental health; there are a lot of people going into self-employment because of mental health issues.  As you get older, particularly as a man, it gets harder. Men have more issues with being open and vulnerable, and isolation increases. Their sense of identity can dwindle a little bit, and their support network might decrease too. Suicide rates for men at a certain age are higher than for any other age group. One reason we started the podcast, to openly talk about the vulnerability of men and how we can counteract it by building a support network. Matthew believes that the way we are working in the future will be more fluid, e.g. we fluidly go from self-employed to employed to part time. As work becomes more flexible Mtthew believes the focus will not be on the employment status but on the work we can deliver, coming back to us all being treated as humans rather than merely “workers”. You can find Matthew on Linkedin or on Think Play Make you find his latest projects and articles he wrote. As a freelancer or self-employed, feel free to join Leapers.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s podcast follows on from our discussion with Matthew Knight, discussing the future of work and how things are changing. David and Volker thought it would be good to discuss this topic as a ‘special’, looking at the changing world of work. Particularly for freelancers, people with mental health and middle aged men. Poor mental health costs the British Economy £118bn a year, according to LSE. And the Financial Times is warning that we’re heading for a Mental Health Recession, with support phonelines, provided by employers in the private sector, being swamped.  However, according to Deloitte, there is not enough investment in mental health, to combat the impact of the pandemic.  Are we all doomed? We discuss our history of employment and whether a full time, PAYE, job is more secure than a freelancer job. The bigger question however is, whether we will still have a job in 10 or 20 years time.  As we get to midlife, we should have job security, psychological safety and should not have to worry if our skillset is still relevant in a few years time. If you’re a freelancer, does it make sense to go back to a full time job to tick more boxes on a CV - and is a CV still the right document to demonstrate your expertise? And how have things changed since the pandemic? We are working longer, the employer gets more time from us, yet we have less of a commute. With us working longer hours, we are more prone to stress and burn-out. Not like other countries, with us being able to go shopping every day, and not having a rest day like a Sunday, we seem to be in this hamster wheel all the time. We touch on productivity, e.g. notification, different tools we use trying to connect people, and trying to find the perfect solution. And the question is whether we are too old to keep up with new technology and processes, or  are we trying too hard to stay relevant? And as a freelancer, do we want to be part of the team, or stay on the outside? As Matthew Knight said, in the future we might all be freelancers, but at the very least there will be a more dispersed workforce - possibly with us all working with Meta headsets. Or we work in co-working spaces closer to home, just for company and mental health support for that matter. What do you think? Please let us know what you think of the future of work. We will have more guests on this topic in 2023 and are open for more experts on this topic.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not a lot of notes, just a big thank you for your support. Have a great Christmas and holiday season, and a Happy New Year! David and Volker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our first female guest, and the first guest of 2023, is Lurata Lyon.. Many of us start the new year, with the goal of getting healthier and fitter. So we invited Lurata along to talk about nutrition and give us hands on tips. However she also gave us a lesson in resilience, gratitude and strength of human spirit.  As a survivor of civil war in the former Yugoslavia, Lurata endured the trauma of being held captive, starved, tortured and abused. Eventually escaping to the United Kingdom, she had to retrain herself to eat properly. She worked hard to educate herself and is now a qualified personal trainer and nutritionist.  Working with charities to tell her story, she is now also a motivational speaker and written a book about her journey - “Unbroken” - which comes out soon. Our conversation largely centred around how we should treat our bodies when we reach  middle age. How do we best fuel our bodies? How can we reduce or avoid the dreaded beer bellies? A lot for her is about the mindset, e.g. do you go to the gym to build muscle and lose weight or is it about having fun and getting fit? Are you manly enough, having enough muscles? How can you use language differently to make a difference?  In short, the focus should be using exercise  and diet to feel good, with weight loss a side benefit. Food is so important to compliment a good exercise regime. She explains how we cannot function without carbohydrates or protein. The combination of both is important, and to calculate how many calories you have eaten to understand how much you eat and which food carries how many calories.  And even small amounts of exercise like 30 or 45 minutes are enough to go to the gym. But with anything, it’s fine to have ‘bad food’ in moderation, like bread or even alcohol. The quality of food is important. Even Lurata advised us to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves every now and then. We spoke about salad, and she said if you only eat salad you wouldn’t get all the nutrients the brain and body needs. The brain needs carbs and fat to function. Regarding supplements, Lurata suggests magnesium but also predominantly black seed oil. On our episode on nutrition, David and Volker spoke about their various supplements at length.  After the age of 30, we lose muscle mass and it is our job to maintain muscle mass. Small changes, e.g. taking the stairs instead of taking the lift, will help you to grow and maintain muscles. Being active is key to a long and healthy life. Drinking is another topic in terms of ‘empty calories’, as beer and wine contain a lot of calories. Unfortunately, we often want to eat with booze, as it increases our appetite because it contains so much sugar. As Lurata suggests we can go for it but then be more reasonable on other days. Again, it is all about the right balance, and building the right habits. She also gave us some hints on intermittent fasting. Unfortunately we had to cut it short, as we ran out of time. Maybe we will get Lurata in again sometime soon. You can find out more about Lurata on her website or contact her via LinkedIn.   As always, please let us know what you think and reach out with any guests we should get on to deep dive into this topic?  Any feedback is appreciated, just email podcast@manupdown.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s topic is Volker’s expert topic. He started meditating over 15 years ago and after noticing so many benefits in his life, he wanted to pass it on. He now teaches the benefits of mindfulness to organisations. Without his mindfulness practice, Volker thinks he has been able to better cope with challenges throughout his life, such as multiple redundancies.  The difference between mindfulness and meditation is simple. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. Buddhism principles are split in gratitude, self-awareness, compassion and mindfulness. Those are expressed through selflessness, generosity, moral conduct, patience, perseverance, strong effort and meditation. Therefore, you could argue meditation is just a tool to be more mindful, helping you to be in the moment and be more aware of yourself, giving thanks. We discussed how we do so many things on autopilot. Eating is a good example where we just speed eat and try to ‘get it done’, rather than slowing down and enjoying the food, taste the different flavours and enjoy each moment. At time of recording David and Volker both subscribed to a course where they slowed the fork down. Volker suggests that anyone should have a gratitude journal, sitting down once a day to focus on the bright sparks, the positive things in one’s life. Pascal Finette talked about that in his first episode on Volker’s former podcast, Stories of Success. There are two major forms of meditation: focus meditation and transcendental meditation. Volker practises both and sets aside at least 20 minutes a day for meditation. There are a number of benefits to meditation, for example if you can’t sleep at night, you can meditate and go back to sleep.  Another go-to meditation is the 3 step breathing space, which you can find on Soundcloud. Also, Insight Timer has a lot of free meditations, so no need to buy a subscription straight away. David has been meditating on and off for a while, and it helps him to keep his anxiety in check. There is no need to start off with 20 minutes. As long as you start somewhere, with a minute, then 2 or 3 minutes and eventually you can expand to 20 minutes or longer.  The important thing is that it works for you, and the more you can bake it into your daily routine, the more likely you are to stick to it. And, if your meditation is more about cycling or running, so be it.  Volker also tries to go on retreats regularly. Mindfulness can also help with depression, there is a course called ‘MBCT’, mindfulness based cognitive therapy, which was invented by Mark Williams. Mark actually wrote the course Volker teaches, and the book that goes with it is called ‘Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world’.  Volker also talks about MBSR, the mindfulness based stress reduction course, is a course invented by John Kabat-Zinn, and it’s a great course to take in order to start becoming familiar with how mindfulness can help to reduce stress. David discusses research that suggests mindfulness shrinks the amygdala (the part of the brain that causes the “fight or flight response) and strengthens the hippocampus (“the control centre”) which helps you make better decisions under stress. We discussed the storytelling mind, and how your monkey brain keeps telling you a mostly negative story. We worry a lot about things we cannot control. Hence, meditation helps you to stay calm and focus on the things that you can control, and how you can control your monkey brain. You start worrying less, and you bring more of a balance to your life. Talking about Viktor Frankl and his theory of ‘between stimulus and response is a gap’, a gap that you can use to actually stop our urge of our autopilot reaction. But we have a choice, we always have a choice and make decisions and jump to conclusions without thinking properly about it. George Mumford, author of the ‘Mindful Athlete’, calls it the ‘eye of the storm’ where you have peace and quiet to be still and decide what you want to do. Volker’s passion is to get more people into mindfulness and make this world a better place! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We welcomed Fiona McKinnon on the podcast, who is the CEO and Co-Founder of the Moment Company. Originally from the North East of Scotland, Fiona lives close to where David and I live, in Sussex. She has over 22 years’ experience in the advertising, media & AdTech industry. From building start-ups to working in large organisations, she has worked and partied hard like many people in the media industry. However, in 2014, she suffered severe physical and mental burnout. She had no wellbeing practice beyond extreme exercise and dirty martinis. She did not believe that meditation and therapy were for her. However, burnout led her to learn Transcendental Meditation,  study Mindfulness & Breath-work and to become a Neuro Linguistic Programming & Reiki Practitioner. She is 4 years sober and it's fair to say the impact of her daily practises and purpose has been profound and life changing! Her company Moment Company looks at how people turn up in life, at work and how we can be better people in our society. Running workshops, 1-2-1 coaching and mindfulness training are just a few things they do. Their product Moment Pebble helps to reduce stress and anxiety through a guided breathing exercise. Mindfulness is all about being focused on one thing at a time.  We discussed how technology can be counterproductive for us, as it reminds us to meditate or take a breathing space. We are constantly picking up our phone, and get reminded about being mindful. And without technology or a meditation app, we cannot function. Which is massively counter-productive! How can we be stressed that we had a bad sleep according to an app rather than how we feel? Technology only tells you what it measures but doesn’t understand how you feel. At the time of recording Volker was worried about turning off his phone on a retreat he went to. However, it turned out to be a relief to not be connected, and to be able to turn ‘off’ for a weekend.  We experience 3,000 emotions and the more we practise mindfulness, the better we know how our body feels. And the body mind connection is important for us to understand ourselves and the control we have over our emotions. Fiona also talked about her burn-out and how her time in the adtech industry led her to abuse alcohol and other substances to cover the stress she was feeling from work. Her body gave in eventually and her mind slowed down. It took her 8 weeks to recover and she quit the corporate world. She went from wanting to be the only woman in the boardroom to focusing inward. We touched on the topic of how society is so alcohol focused in the UK, which means that people that drink a bit too much, get away with it or might not be noticed. As always, if you have any problems with alcohol, please seek appropriate help.  In our discussion we touch on the change work life has taken. We are always connected and always online, we never finish and don’t take a pause. However, we have a choice of how to react to change and work in our life. Our body takes 90 seconds to react to stress for instance. After that, it’s our mind telling us we are still in “physical danger”, so our mind is convincing our body that we still need the flight of fight stimulus, even though “the danger” has passed. If we feel stressed, then this reaction is repeated.  Also, 95% of our thoughts are the same as yesterday and 80% of those are negative. The (negative) storytelling mind needs reframing. Fiona recommended a daily gratitude journal. It’s about focusing on the bright sparks in your life, the positive aspects. Sometimes it helps to put life into perspective. Whether it is the sea, the moon or nature in general. Whatever works for you, but finding your ‘happy place’ that gives you grounding and perspective is super important. Community is important and ‘magic’. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we speak about sleep. For David, sleep has always been an issue. We are both light sleepers, and if we didn’t have a good night sleep, we could be quite grumpy. Volker loves getting up at 5 am. It’s quiet and he has a morning routine which includes exercises and meditation. But he has to be in bed between 9 and 10 pm, in order to get a good 7 hours of sleep. Plus, he loves a 10-20 minutes nap at lunch time. Particularly when he had a busy morning, the nap resets his brain and he functions better post nap. He trained himself to take naps during his university days, working as a warden in halls of residence. It also helped him to get a better degree. Weekends could see longer naps, but usually not more time in bed. Maybe a sauna and gym session and a nap in front of the fire, a real treat.  Another  treat is for him to meditate in bed when he wakes up early, and he can then go back to sleep for a while, being fully relaxed. Nick Littlehayes became a sleep researcher and consultant for Manchester United and the Sky cycling team, helping athletes to sleep better. The more sunlight we get during the day the better we sleep as our body produces a lot more melatonin. He further talks about daylight saving time leading to seasonal disorders. Before we had electricity and light, we naturally got more rest,  because we couldn’t do anything else at a certain time of the evening. Volker uses a daylight light to counteract seasonal disorder. Speaking about how things changed, Volker quotes how he grew up in Germany and it was common to have a 1-3 pm ‘siesta’ or ‘Mittagsruhe’ and shops closed at that period of time. We also mentioned Tim Ferris’ experiment from his ‘4 hour body week’ book, where he reduced his sleep to 8 x 20 minutes a day. Healthy or not, we only need a certain amount, but it has to be at the right time, and right intensity. The days of burning the candle on both ends are over. It’s not a sustainable way of living, to only sleep 2-3 hours a night. In Psychology Today the CIA is described as using sleep deprivation to get people to talk. The results were hallucination, problems with speaking, and concentration. Tests on animals resulted in death. Poor judgement is another cause of sleep deprivation. We all know the phrase ‘to sleep on a decision’ - but we are rushing in today’s world and don’t want to take our time and take regular breaks. You must take breaks in order to avoid burnouts and be able to function properly, being more productive than working without breaks (Book recommendation: Tony Schwartz, The way we are working isn’t working). There is talk about creating ‘sleep rooms’ rather than mixing bedrooms with other activities, e.g. sex, or sharing a bedroom with someone else. Interestingly enough, in Germany every person has their own mattress and blankets, so there is actually less interference from the partner in your sleep cycle. How efficient is that? If you have a wank, you can also go back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night. It’s a relaxation method, similar to a body scan meditation or just a transcendental meditation session. David did the research on the wanking, and an orgasm does release a few chemicals that help you sleep. Volker’s old piano teacher used to have a few whiskeys before bed to make him sleep better. Whatever works for you. The problem is that a drink before bed might result in worse sleep. If you can’t sleep, you can also just rest, have a tired day, and go to bed earlier that night. And the reason to go to bed early is not to make up for the sleep you missed, but to give the body time to relax and the body will give itself more deep sleep, and more deeper recovery. Volker is obsessed with his Garmin and its functionality to measure sleep. His sleeping app he used previously to have a Garmin now has sleep data for about 7-8 years. It’s fascinating to see the trend. David mentioned Orthosomnia - when someone gets obsessed with sleep data🙂 Maybe we are, but the easy stuff is: despite us knowing that we shouldn’t drink before we go to bed, or sleep bad in new places, we go on holidays to relax and eat and drink too much, having bad night sleep in a bed we aren’t used to. Do cooling blankets work? Or pillow spray? There is probably not much we haven’t tried. Nick has 7 KSRIs, (key sleep recovery indicators). Arcadian rhythms Chrono Type, with 30% being night owls and 30% are early risers Recovery in Cycles Pre- and Post routines Activity and recovery in balance Recovery Environment Home and Away Sleepkit Since Volker gave up caffeine, and David did recently as well, this has had a positive impact on sleep as well. If you get too used to coffee, as Volker used to be, he could have a coffee before going to bed, as the caffeine just wore off so quickly. Let us know how sleep affects you. How many hours do you get? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we spoke to William Porter who is the author of Alcohol Explained and other books on addiction. We recorded this episode just before Christmas, when you couldn’t avoid the advertising and association of alcohol to fun and celebration. Similar to Volker, William started drinking and smoking when he was 14 years old which escalated during his military and law career. But why would you give up drinking if it’s the last vice to hang on to, Volker wondered. However, after reading William’s book, Volker has started to question why would you continue drinking? William takes a very pragmatic approach in his book and strips away all the myths around alcohol and urges us to ask the question: is alcohol a pleasure and is it serving you? 87% of the population drinks and seems to find it totally normal to consume this drug. Yet, while we should be able to enjoy events, such as Christmas or a birthday, without a drug, many of us don’t or can’t.  We discussed how we would define someone being an alcoholic. Is it someone who needs a drink first thing in the morning or someone who needs a good bender at the weekend? Most people can enjoy alcohol without getting addicted. However you don’t need to be addicted for it to do your body harm, The physiological effect of alcohol, which is a sedative and a depressant, results in numbing your nerves.  It’s a balancing act for the body to keep up a balance of hormones and chemicals which is called homeostasis  - but if you introduce alcohol to the body, the balance is out of kilter. When you consume alcohol, the body releases stress hormones.  And if the alcohol wears off, an oversensitivity of the nervous system remains for a period, creating anxiety. You can either wait until the body stabilises itself again, or you have another drink to numb the imbalance….a vicious cycle, creating craving. Sweating out the alcohol in the gym the next morning doesn’t work. You might feel better after exercising, but that’s because of the hormones released due to exercising, not because you sweat out alcohol. The challenge is that your heart rate is increased after drinking alcohol. Your body’s natural reaction would be to sit down and rest. Instead we go to the gym and increase the heart rate and body temperature, putting more strain and stress on the body. You are actually damaging your body. Volker can still do a bottle of red at night, but as he mentioned, a nurse told him years ago, that even if you don’t notice the effects as much, it still affects the way you sleep or does damage to your internal organs. It’s physical as well as mental damage that is caused to your body. Not getting good sleep, e.g. deep sleep, or having reduced REM sleep due to alcohol consumption, our brain cannot dream and process things as well. Usually this kicks in about 5 hours after going to sleep, we have an over sensitisation, and therefore we stop sleeping well for the remainder of the night. David talked about rewards being handed out at charity events being alcohol, despite alcohol being classified as harmful as cigarette smoking or asbestos. William also elaborates on his alcohol problem with him calling in sick on Mondays and sometimes Mondays and Tuesdays. As he was very efficient at his work, he caught up the other days of the week, so never got into trouble. There are many, if not all professions, that drink. And success is often associated with a cigar and a whiskey, treating oneself. It’s good to see the arrival of alcohol free in pubs and its acceptance, however Volker is missing an alternative for his vice: red wine. Particularly when he puts it into perspective with other things like ‘the armchair’ or ‘the fire’. All of those situations should be enjoyable without alcohol. If we start thinking about it, how can we really be in the moment with our mates or in front of the fire, when drinking alcohol. To really give up alcohol, we need to change the perception of alcohol. And it takes us a while to get used to alcohol when we first start drinking. So the big question for us remains, does alcohol actually serve us? If you want to find out more about William Porter, please check out his book Alcohol Explained on Amazon. You also find his other books there. You can go to his website, www.alcoholexplained.com, where you can read some of the chapters for free. Did this episode make you think? Did it inspire you to give up alcohol? What do you think about your alcohol consumption? Let us know! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are all over social media, and feel like we have to be. FOMO, the fear of missing out, we are constantly connected and compare ourselves with others. Volker had been on a social media detox for a few weeks at time of recording. However, he went back to ‘stalking’ others and finds it rather boring now to scroll other people’s images and show offs, if deliberate or not. At time of recording he said he might never go back on social media the way he used to. Scrolling Tiktok mindlessly, wasting time watching reels on Facebook or Instagram. An article recently highlights the negative effects of social media on mental health.  David likes the groups on Facebook where he made friends. And that’s where Facebook adds a lot of value connecting like minded people. Whether it is the local selling group or the Jaguar fan page.  However, the science shows that on social media we talk about ourselves 80% of the time however, in real life, during discussions we talk about ourselves 30-40% of the time.  David mentioned the Slipknot singer who has recognised his social media addiction is as bad as his former addiction to drugs and alcohol. This is because we build muscle memory and habit so easily - the mindless loop of constantly checking your phone. The content never stops and you need to realise that you can never catch up on all the content. That’s true for LinkedIn these days too, and again LinkedIn also showcases all the successes, and business wins too.  Every parent has a Whatsapp group for football, classes, tutor groups or friends. The challenge with WhatsApp is that most people don’t know that they can turn off the read notifications, giving the sender no indication whether you have read the message or not. This puts less pressure on the receiver to respond, but the instant gratification and demand is horrendous. Some people however are really good at ignoring Whatsapp messages. Volker has turned off notifications for emails and social media for a long time. There are only a few apps allowed to send him a notification, as he wants to be in control. Despite the lack of notifications, Volker is notorious for constantly checking Slack and is the first to respond to new threads as he is still checking it all the time. We speak about Molly Russell, who committed suicide. While her suicide might have not been prevented, it highlights how social media algorithms can target all of us with unhealthy content. Coming from a technology background, we feel there should be an easy solution to show “healthy” or helpful content (such as ads for Samaritans). But the greed and money made by the technology giants is greater than the need to help people. That’s how it seems to us anyway. Evidence shows that there has been a correlation between increased depression and anxiety in teens, since the rise of the smartphone. Sadly this has also resulted in an increase in suicides.  We discussed how social media leads you to compare yourself to others. However, this is not a true reflection of life. It doesn’t matter which social network you’re in, people rarely share a post that a project fell through or they are in financial troubles. You portray the positive side of things, and you brag about your wins. It’s a matter of how you share your success, and Volker spent 5 years interviewing people on Success on his former podcast Stories of Success. And we need to consider that a lot of success comes with sacrifices, from divorce to hard work etc. It’s about balance, and we can not see how people got to their success. The pictures you share are happy pictures, yet how often do you share a sad picture or story?  There was a story of the Crying CEO on Linkedin which went viral, and people had an opinion whether he was sincere or not. What’s your thoughts on that? David also mentioned how the war in Ukraine is used for social media attention whilst you can do good without posting on social media. We also touched on Twitter, which was Volker’s go to social media tool but he fell out of love with it. David used to be very active there too. We shall see how Twitter changes once Elon Musk takes over. And what would have happened if Twitter had bought Instagram. Touching on Clubhouse, there was a hype for a while and both David and I seem to feel middle aged. Another huge challenge on social media is fact checking. Fake news, and who is actually fact checking everything that they see and read on social media? And what’s the future of social media? Will we all wear VR headsets and talk to each other in the metaverse? Bodysuits? Web3.0? Or does our brain live in some sort of glass jar whilst we can be transferred into a body? The data Facebook has is crazy, with them being able to predict divorces or break-ups. Volker and David discuss the case back in 2012 where US store Target sent vouchers for maternity products to a teenage girl. It turns out that through data based on previous searches/purchases, Target had worked out she was pregnant before she or the family had. What is your relationship with Social Media? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beau Marksohn joined us for an episode on body dysmorphia and eating disorders. He was born and raised in NYC and grew up in a household of severe abuse and neglect. As a result of this he struggled from the age of five from feeling insecure in his body.  He was always scared as a kid growing up, never felt safe, never felt any sense of consistency and never felt loved. As a result of all of this he started using food to comfort him from a very young age, which then progressed to drugs and booze before his teens. Suicide attempts, anorexia, bulimia, living an unhealthy life, ending up going from overweight to underweight. Beau then became a compulsory exerciser and . Depression, anxiety, ADHD, addiction. In 2016 he started treatment, therapy and support to tackle his addiction issues as well as depression, anxiety and ADHD. In lockdown he started cycling, first to help the vulnerable, then to help his mental health. Beau starts by telling his story what body dysmorphia actually means. This is something David or Volker haven’t heard about, and I am sure not many of you either. The best way to explain it is going in one of the fairground mirror rooms, and one day you feel bigger, the other day slimmer.  Whilst we often associate eating disorders with women, Beau didn’t find out that he suffered from body dysmorphia until he went into therapy. By sharing his story he makes sure that he doesn’t suffer in silence and other people don’t suffer in silence either. It comes back to our motto on the podcast that men need to talk more about what they do and what they suffer from. It doesn’t work for us to go into our cave every now and then and thinking it is all going to go away. Beau’s enthusiasm went further during lockdown when he started delivering food to underprivileged people and started cycling a lot more. That led to him founding a group of men to cycle together, https://dadbodcyclist.com/. There will be more content on his website shortly, but for now you can sign up to his newsletter or follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dadbod_cyclist/ He organises Sunday brunches for men, cycling laps around Richmond Park, and you can find him on Strava and everyone is welcome. The EveryBODY ride. Beau has suffered many addictions which stems from his childhood trauma. It subsequently led to different therapies, including EMDR Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. Over the years he has tried a lot until he came to understand the ‘why’ he is doing things and what his purpose is in life. Even cycling turned a bit into an addiction, particularly during lockdown, reminding him of his childhood experience surfing in the USA. It’s about being in the zone. His journey continues to get more people on bikes and talk about men’s mental health. An initiative that is very much aligned to Man Up / Man Down, and hopefully we will be able to do some events together in the future. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode was definitely a sensitive subject to touch on but one that our guest, Andy Barham, dealt with, with grace and humour.  When we started the podcast, the goal was to raise awareness of topics that men are embarrassed to speak about. Erectile Dysfunction is definitely one of those topics. Andy Barham was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thankfully he caught it early and beat it after having his prostate removed. However one of the side effects of the operation was erectile dysfunction. While this is a common side effect in the early stages of recovery, Andy found that months went by without getting back to normal.  After trying traditional ED medicine (the “blue pills”) he then progressively had to try more extreme methods to get an erection. The only thing that worked was self-administered injections into the penis. Understandably, this wasn’t very practical. As he explains, there was no spontaneity with injections - you had to plan well ahead. Andy persevered with this, and has an understanding wife (who is a nurse), however he said that this wouldn’t be an option for someone who was dating. He also described one particular evening when, after a few drinks, he and his wife felt frisky. However, due to his alcohol intake, his aim was slightly off and ended up injecting his thumb… Andy then began researching erectile implants. As an engineer by training, Volker was highly interested in the mechanics of the implant, which Andy was more than happy to explain. The way it works is that you have a third testical or marble sized lump, which pumps a liquid from a reservoir in your abdomen to the implant. Andy says this enables him and his wife to have more spontaneity.  Andy can now last longer, and he would still get an orgasm (although the removal of his prostate means he doesn’t ejaculate). From his opinion it is even more intense, because you last longer, similar to wearing a condom.  David was interested to hear about the psychological aspect of “not being able to perform.” Andy admitted that he had gotten very depressed, which wasn’t something he’d experienced before, even though he had gone through the stress of a marriage break up and other life stresses in the past. Andy said that a major factor in getting through this process was the support and understanding of his wife. However it was a slow process, trying different things (each one more extreme than the last) to get an erection. Countless hours of doctor visits, trying new medications and pumps, giving feedback, trying something new.  Nothing prior to this ever pushed him over the edge, and it just shows how much pressure a non-functional ‘friend’ can put on a man!  Whilst it wasn’t uncommon, 1 in 10 people who get their prostate removed, will get erectile dysfunction. However, as it was pointed out, if you are stressed and anxious, it is totally common for men not to be able to perform. And many men we spoke to, have a stash of those little blue pills ‘just in case’ to help them. The more people you speak to, more men admit that they have experience using them.  Once you turn 70, 70% of men have problems with erections. During your 40ies we are looking at 5%. So the older you get, the more likely the “little chap” might need some assistance.  Thankfully, as Andy has discovered there are a range of solutions that help you with it, whether it is the little blue pill, therapy if it is related to stress and anxiety or an implant. We discussed how men just don’t ‘feel like a man’ if they cannot have sex, and there is a social expectation that you have to have sex on a regular basis. And most couples would, as the average amount of sex is weekly or more. However, if some couples don’t have sex every week, there are others that have sex a lot more often.  We also discussed how it’s also a common expectation that men “are always up for it” which may not be true as we get older. If you want to find out more about Andy, please reach out to him on LinkedIn or his Coloplast Patient Educator site. He likes helping others in a similar situation. His Book ‘You can stick that up your arse’ can be found on Amazon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We welcomed Roei Samuel who founded two companies, RealSport which got acquired and then Connectd. RealSport grew to a community of over 8 million monthly unique users across UK, USA & Australia and was acquired in 2018. After spending time as an investor, he realised that  many of the frustrations he felt as a founder were also true as an investor and start-up advisor. There was a distinct lack of diversity and accessibility in investment opportunities for start-ups. All the same types of deals were going to the same group of investors - stifling innovation for both the founders and potential investors. So he founded Connectd. What we wanted to talk about today was his journey to becoming a 2x founder whilst having dyslexia and ADHD. The power behind neurodivergent founders is that they build workplaces that understand that people’s brains work differently, and the power behind neurodivergent team members is the diversity of thought.  He suggested that ADHD can give you a competitive edge when being a founder, as long as you can use the part that is hyper focused to your advantage. People just think people with ADHD can’t sit still but that isn’t true.  Reoi was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 6. After the ADHD diagnosis he went on medication, just to get through the education system. However, Roei really enjoys studying, and wanted to become a diplomat, until he realised he wasn’t very diplomatic 🙂 He never thought that he would get a job in a traditional structure, and his dad was very similar, not fitting into those structures and looked for new things to do all the time. Often ADHD isn’t diagnosed and David has been waiting for 5 and a half years (at the time of recording) to get an official diagnosis via the NHS.  Reoi started running bus trips for international students at uni, and he started podcasting and had a ton of energy to get things off the ground. Roei then started RealSport to share content on social media.  To stay on top of things, Roei needed a really good COO, someone who is organised and structured to fill in the blindspots his condition creates. The key is to create optimal situations based on the things he can control. Building routines, habits and having tools that work and help him. Mindfulness is a key thing as it helps to focus on one thing at a time. For him it’s all about getting up at 5 am, coffee, not drinking alcohol, avoiding sugar and high processed foods. But also having a good night’s sleep is a building block for good mental health.  Again we talked about not drinking alcohol, and the improvement on sleep as well as a higher tolerance to stress. It actually helps Roei to be more focused. When it comes to networking, he finds it difficult to not drink in social environments, relationships that revolve around a drink. Yet it is for a selfish reason to not drink, and it’s important to be true to one’s own values and convictions.  Roei’s morning routine is all about getting up early, exercising, commuting to work and being at his desk for 8:30 in order to get on top of his todo list. Nothing like ticking a few boxes early in the morning and being ready for the day. When it comes to 9 am, then there are whats app messages coming in, slack etc. Discipline is key for Roei, whether you take cold showers, or abstaining from alcohol or working through your emails.  A fascinating insight on how to be successful as a neurodivergent founder. Thanks again for being our guest. You can reach out to Reoi via www.connectd.co or Linkedin. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jason is a former CMO of a multi billion dollar global media business who decided to completely change his life as he approached his 50th birthday. Fed up with his lacklustre energy and lifestyle Jason embraced health & fitness. In a remarkable personal transformation, Jason lost 20kg in weight, while self correcting several ailments and gaining a lust for life he hadn’t experienced since his teens.  As a fully qualified Coach and Personal Trainer, Jason now helps tens of thousands of middle aged men to live a better, healthier life through his fast growing social media fans and PT clients. From an outside point of view Jason had a life that was to be envied. A corporate job with lots of travel, for a well known organisation. People were always excited to hear more about his work once they heard what he did. But while he had a job and career that many would dream of, he reached a point where he realised that he was  no longer passionate about  it. He’d lost his zest for life and felt stuck and exhausted. After seeing a docter he was diagnosed with burnout and depression and prescribed antidepressants. It was then he realised that while he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with the second stage of his life, he knew he didn’t want to carry on the same way.  So he began: Going to the gym Changing his diet Trail running Cut down on sugar and fats Swimming and tennis lessons In the space of a few months Jason lost 20kg, reducing his Body Mass Index (BMI) from “Obese to normal”, got rid of hypertension and improved his resting heart rate and VO2 max. He had never felt this good about himself. Jason’s motivation was about ‘the person he wanted to be’, really focusing on a clean diet and eating lots of protein. While Jason didn’t hire a coach to help him through it, he used self taught self development practice to help him to better himself. However, he now helps others to improve their life. Whether it is weight loss or diet change, or a combination of that paired with exercise. He always knew what he needed to do, create the WHY, a Northstar to follow. Like most busy business men, Jason realised in hindsight that he prioritised his career and the role of the “financial provider” over his relationship with his family. Jason talks about how he went on a business trip when his father had been diagnosed with cancer - “because that’s what was expected.” As Volker suggested previously, he has prioritised work over family in the past, which he regrets.  David on the other hand, was in a lucky position where he could spend his children’s early years as a stay at home dad. That wasn’t always recognised as a thing for a ‘man to do’. Luckily expectations are changing. Jason says that one of the many benefits of his transformation is the amazing relationship he has with his son. We finish the podcast with a philosophical question whether 50 is halfway or not. And Jason says his best years of his life were between 50 and 53. What a statement to make! Here is to midlife.  To find Jason online you can follow his Instagram account @Jason_new_u_coaching or you can find him on Tiktok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@fit_in_midlife. Jason’s website is www.new-u-coaching.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we were joined by Andy Delderfield, the founder of Alcohol Free Runners. Although Andy and David only met a  little over a year ago through one of the co-founders of Oner Year No Beer, they immediately hit it off and made a firm  friendship.  Andy’s story is that having travelled and finally settled in Spain, he began to enjoy the ex-pat lifestyle a little bit too much - spending the weekends drinking solidly and feeling like crap for the rest of the week. As a result he was overweight and depressed and his relationship with his family was suffering. He discovered the One Year No Beer Movement and after several hiccups has not had a drink in 4 years. During that time he has become a lot healthier, lost loads of weight and now runs ultra marathons. During lockdown he  ran a marathon without leaving his house and has also completed the London and Valencia marathons. However his biggest achievement was a multi-day ultra-marathon across the arctic circle. David at time of recording is on a streak of being sober, and the benefits seem to be immense. Energy, control, and better sleep.  However, Volker loves his bottle of red on a Friday night, making homemade pizza. Since recording the episode he is trying to break the habit of ‘red wine being default’.  As Andy pointed out, society fuels drinking alcohol. We grow up with it, the amount and drinks we are allowed as we get older. From beer to hard liquor and cocktails. However, at the end of the day it is a drug and a depressant. With alcohol free beers and now decent red wine being available, we can have fun without alcohol and still enjoy our favourite drink. It seems that David and Andy had a different relationship to alcohol where they drank 6 pints on a Friday night, something Volker hasn’t done for many years. It’s not serving anyone to binge drink and if you have a problem stopping after a few drinks, then it is a time to evaluate whether drinking is still serving you. The question is why we drink and whether we are in control. There are 4 C’s: Andy makes the suggestion that everyone should take a break of alcohol for 100 days to see if it still serves them and if they are in control.  What alcohol takes away is our consistency of doing things. Self-compassion is important and with alcohol you might do things that you might regret.  Connection is the last one, as we think alcohol is something we need to connect to people. Recently Andy had a full health check to see what impact 4 years without alcohol had had on his body - such as lowering cholesterol. Sadly he discovered he had prostate cancer. While that’s a massive shock, without the blood tests he wouldn’t have found out until it was possibly too late. Because he’s caught it early the outlook is a lot more positive - although he is still facing quite a challenge. We wish Andy the best of luck and hope to have him on in season 2 to discuss his progress. If you are interested in ‘Alcohol Free Runners’ or working with Andy as a coach, please reach out on the links above or email him: andy@alcoholfreecoaching.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.