The Angry Therapist Podcast

In this part 3 of our Attachment series, therapist Rebecca Prolman joins John Kim to unpack how childhood misattunement wires shame, why anger isn’t the enemy, and how “emotional completion” helps you reclaim the parts you exiled to survive. They explore corrective relationships (why real safety can feel scary), co-regulation for kids, and practical steps to move from fawning to sovereignty. Key topics & takeaways: Shame as a survival strategy that blocks primary emotions (grief/anger) Emotional completion: feeling what shame protected so it can release Co-regulation vs. punishment/time-outs for children’s anger Corrective relationships: safety, grief, and why “boring” can be secure Depth sustains attraction; chemistry alone burns out Naming early ruptures without making caregivers “villains” Methods mentioned: NARM — Neuro-Affective Relational Model (Dr. Laurence Heller ). Resources (as mentioned by Rebecca): Try Rebecca’s mini course if you’re new to this work; consider the 5-module course for deeper practice HERE Parts 1 HERE & Part 2 of this series HERE 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

John Kim and Rebecca Prolman unpack how childhood attachment wounds and the shame-based adaptations they create - shape adult relationships. They trace core capacities (connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, love/sexuality) and show how co-regulation and healthy boundaries restore intimacy and desire. Resources mentioned: NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) framework and a 5-module course by Rebecca you can find HERE Part 1 of this series HERE 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In Part 1 of this 3-episode series, John Kim and licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman break down attachment trauma in clear, human terms. They unpack emotional neglect, nervous-system dysregulation, the NARM approach (NeuroAffective Relational Model), and why so many of us carry shame that isn’t ours. You’ll learn the core dilemma children face (“stay connected to myself or stay safe in the bond?”), how that shapes adult relationships, and why agency + self-compassion are non-negotiables for healing. What you’ll learn: Attachment trauma vs “big-T” trauma Emotional neglect and why it’s so slippery to see The core dilemma and how shame gets internalized NARM, survival strategies, and nervous-system regulation Why we numb (food, sex, alcohol, scrolling) Agency: choosing with awareness instead of self-shame 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when therapy becomes personal? In this raw and honest conversation, John Kim talks with licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman about her real-life experience of falling for her therapist — and what it taught her about attachment, shame, and healing. Together they explore the taboo topic of client-therapist attraction, transference and counter-transference, and how therapy can mirror our deepest childhood wounds. 💬 Topics include: Why we develop crushes on therapists (and what it really means) The difference between a crush and being in love How to talk about attraction safely in therapy When boundaries blur and healing turns into heartbreak Why honesty is the path to repair ✨ Connect with Rebecca Prolman: Instagram | TikTok | YouTube: @rebeccaprolman Website: rebeccaprolman.com Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, John dives into some of the most honest, relatable, and raw relationship questions we all face — from managing triggers and attachment styles to knowing when it’s time to let go. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Am I loving the wrong way?” or “How do I know if this relationship is worth it?” — this one’s for you. It’s not about perfect love — it’s about real, healthy connection. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special episode, John Kim brings together five brilliant voices - Amy Chan, Terri Cole, Dene Logan, Vanessa Bennett, and Daniel Stewart - for a raw and honest conversation about love, grief, codependency, and what it really means to grow. They unpack: Turning loss into a wake-up call 🌿 The biology of heartbreak and trauma bonds ❤️‍🔥 How to tell if growth is healthy or self-abandonment What a “midlife crisis” is really trying to teach us Redefining partnership, independence, and self-love It’s messy, heartfelt, and deeply human -  a quilt of wisdom and laughter about what it means to be alive and love in 2025. Guests: Amy Chan – Author of “Breakup Bootcamp” @missamychan Terri Cole – Author of “The Boundary Boss” & “Too Much” @terricole Dene Logan – Author of “Sovereign Love” @dene.logan Vanessa Bennett – Author of “The Motherhood Myth” @vanessabennetttherapy Daniel Stewart – Psychotherapist, teacher & musician @minstrelion Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week’s episode, John Kim shares a real story about risk, fear, and transformation. What started as a property deal in Costa Rica turned into a profound reminder about the power of mindset. When we shift from fear to growth, everything changes - from how we love to how we live. ✨ Episode Highlights: How a 25-year-old inspired a new way to think about challenges Why growth mindset leads to freedom Turning your environment into a therapeutic tool Living in flow, not fear Connect with Luis Perez — Costa Rica Real Estate Agent Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luisperezrealestate/ Website: https://perezrealestategroupcr.com/ Whatsapp: wa.me/50683199154 🌴 John’s first Costa Rica Retreat runs Dec 1–5 - built around play, connection, and somatic wellness.  Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You → The Angry Therapist on SubStack Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There’s a freedom that comes in your 40s that no one warns you about - because it doesn’t come from achievement or success. It comes from shedding. In this episode, John and Vanessa talk about what it really means to stop giving a f*ck - not in the cynical sense, but in the self-loving one.It’s about choosing your energy wisely, letting go of people and stories that no longer fit, and returning to who you were before the world told you to shrink. This is the power of midlife clarity. It’s not burnout - it’s rebirth. In this episode: What “not giving a f*ck” really means (hint: it’s not apathy) How turning 40 rewires your priorities Knowing what’s yours to own - and what’s not The end of proving yourself and chasing validation Returning to your core self The quiet strength of keeping promises to yourself Mentioned in this episode: Vanessa’s Inter Compass Academy - coaching through the lens of depth psychology. Join the next cohort HERE⁠ or learn more about Vanessa HERE Follow Vanessa on Instagram: @vanessaabennett Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when love feels like pressure - when “I’m proud of you” never came? In this honest conversation, John Kim and John Wang, author of Big Asian Energy, talk about growing up with parents who equated love with achievement, and what it takes to finally feel enough on your own terms. In this episode, you’ll hear about: The invisible weight of trying to make your parents proud Why love often sounds like pressure in achievement-driven families The difference between being accepted and truly belonging Healing generational patterns of sacrifice and self-doubt Redefining success to include joy, rest, and self-worth 📘 John Wang’s book, Big Asian Energy, is available HERE and wherever books are sold. 👉 Follow John Wang on Instagram @johnwangofficial John Wang's Website HERE Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Q&A, John Kim answers your raw, unfiltered questions about love, attachment, and what it actually takes to build a healthy relationship. From anxious-avoidant dynamics to retroactive jealousy and emotional unavailability — this one gets real. Whether you’re questioning if love should be easy, wondering why your partner won’t commit, or struggling to let go of the past, this episode dives straight into the messy middle — and ends with clarity, honesty, and hope. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when your dream wedding hides a truth your body already knows? In this powerful conversation, writer and author Amber Rae opens up to John Kim about walking down the aisle knowing she was marrying the wrong man - and the courage it took to leave, fall in love again, and finally meet herself. In this episode, you’ll hear about: Knowing when you’re in the wrong relationship The fear of leaving when everyone’s watching How unmet childhood wounds shape our choices The difference between safety and true connection Why telling the truth can set everyone free Whether you’re stuck in a “safe” love, afraid to start over, or trying to trust your gut again, this story will remind you that it’s never too late to choose yourself. Amber Rae’s new book Lovable is out now and available HERE Follow Amber at @heyamberrae Visit amberrae.com for more of her work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when the blueprint you’ve been chasing - cars, houses, status - no longer fits who you’ve become? In this powerful episode, John Kim shares how he traded Hollywood dreams for a meaningful life in Costa Rica, and how redefining his blueprint transformed everything. In this conversation, you’ll hear about: Why chasing cars, houses, and status leaves you empty The shift from living “outside-in” to “inside-out” How unconscious definitions shape love, work, and happiness The moment John redefined his blueprint as a parent Steps to rewrite your blueprint and live with meaning This isn’t about rejecting success - it’s about creating new definitions that actually serve who you are today. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do you do when life forces you to start over? John Kim shares how he rebuilt his life in Costa Rica - through community, facing fears, daily rituals, and love check-ins. A raw, honest guide to rebuilding with intention. In this episode, you’ll hear about: How community can ground and heal you Facing fears to unlock flow states Shifting fitness and diet in new ways Why relationships get exposed during big transitions Anchors, daily rituals, and what it means to “spin plates” Whether you’re recovering from loss, moving somewhere new, or just craving change, this episode is a roadmap for rebuilding with intention. 🌴 Plus: John announces his upcoming Costa Rica retreat, December 1–5, with an optional two-day medicine journey add-on. Designed as a hybrid of adventure and wellness, this retreat is about connection, creativity, and starting fresh in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if there were no “wrong” choices - only honest ones? In this episode, John Kim unpacks how to stop second-guessing yourself and start trusting the decisions that truly align with who you are. Instead of chasing the “right” path or playing it safe, John shares how honest choices open doors you never expected, build real self-trust, and help you live without regrets. In this conversation, you’ll discover: Why “safe” decisions often keep you stuck The surprising difference between right vs. honest choices How to use your body and intuition as a compass Two simple questions that cut through fear and doubtWhy the real risk isn’t failure - it’s never really living If you’ve been paralyzed by indecision, this is the episode that will help you choose courage over fear and step fully into your own life. John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Q&A episode, we dive into your unfiltered questions about heartbreak, dating, relationships, and therapy. From moving on after betrayal to navigating compatibility and attachment, we explore the messy, honest realities of love - and the ways we can grow through them. Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can trauma become your superpower? In this powerful conversation, John Kim sits down with author and ghostwriter Sheree Medeiros to explore how the deepest wounds can lead to resilience, healing, and even purpose. Sheree shares her journey - growing up with an absent father, surviving sexual assault, battling illness, and ultimately discovering that her pain could be transformed into service, connection, and strength. In this episode, you’ll hear: How father wounds shape identity and relationships Sheree’s story of survival, forgiveness, and resilience The hidden connection between trauma and physical illness Why hyper-independence can be a false strength The power of vulnerability, community, and rewriting your story 📘 About Sheree Medeiros (Trask): Sheree is the author of Surviving Silence (October 2022), a seasoned ghostwriter, and a nonfiction book writing coach. She supports coaches, healers, and leaders in writing their transformational books to make a bigger impact, build authority, and gain recognition in their fields. Sheree has ghostwritten for some of the most influential names in personal development and holistic health, with her work published by Hay House, Inc. and HarperCollins. She is on a mission to help transform the hearts and minds of humanity through courageous storytelling, aiming to raise the collective consciousness and truly be free to live unapologetically out loud. 📕 Get her book: Surviving Silence HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you ever feel like an invisible script is controlling your life, dictating what you can and can't achieve? What if I told you that script was written by *you*, and you have the power to rewrite every single line? In this episode, licensed therapist - John Kim will reveal how to identify those hidden limiting beliefs and transform your narrative for good. John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, John and Vanessa dive into one of their most personal conversations yet: Can you make a marriage bulletproof? What starts with a casual coffee shop chat about Costa Rica being a place where marriages “come to die” spirals into a raw, honest discussion about trust, romance, fear, and what truly keeps a relationship alive. They debate: Why moving to “paradise” can magnify relationship cracks. The difference between trusting the container of marriage vs. trusting the love itself. Realist vs. romantic mindsets in marriage and how they collide. Vulnerability, attachment styles, and what it means to truly choose someone. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship could survive the hardest tests or if bulletproof love even exists - this episode is for you. John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ever felt ganged up on in therapy? We explore how bias “leaks,” how to ask for fairness, and three tools you can also use when giving relationship advice to a friend - so you support without picking sides. Learn to hold space (not control outcomes) and keep growth honest - even when it’s messy. What you’ll learn: How “leaking bias” erodes trust - and how to name it constructively. The difference between helping and imposing (holding space vs. fixing). 3 neutrality tools you can use with friends. Why therapy is messy (and human), not math and how to keep growth on track. John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Jump into John’s new Single. On Purpose app⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In today’s episode, John Kim answers your most vulnerable questions about relationships - from surviving infidelity and messy breakups, to knowing when it’s time to try again (or walk away), to managing jealousy, triggers, and control. Raw, honest, and unfiltered — this is the conversation we all need about love, loss, and everything in between. Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Jump into John’s new Single. On Purpose app ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices