From a sailor surviving 24 days at sea on ketchup to a topless rampage inside a North Dakota church, this episode of News with Bill serves up the strangest true stories you’ll hear all week.

An 82-year-old woman shocks funeral home staff by waking up after being pronounced dead, while a Florida shoplifter attacks a clerk with Slim Jims. I cover the Kansas man fatally shot by his dog, a Texas death row inmate who gouged out his own eyes, and a teacher who faked a bomb threat just to get a day off. Things only get weirder with a topless drug-fueled church meltdown, McDonald’s accidentally advertising its “McCrispy” sandwich beside a crematorium, and a Chicago woman hiding her mother’s body in a freezer for two years. A Minnesota woman is arrested for assaulting her boyfriend with a whole chicken, and a doctor in the early 1900s literally ate human feces to prove a disease wasn’t contagious. Finally, Heinz searches for the “Ketchup Boat Guy” who lived off condiments at sea, and a couple in Philadelphia turns a canned gravy argument into a shootout.

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