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Ep. 070 Types of Separations

What are some reasons people may think about separation? 

The “Deal Breakers” vs the Small Perpetual Problems. (Othen times the “deal breakers” we proclaim in the beginning are more solvable after years of marriage, and the smaller perpetual problems are the ones that tear us apart.) 

Deal Breaker: issues or behaviors that threaten the relationship: boundary violations, value changes, violations of trust, respect, safety, betrayal, and abuse - physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological. 

Perpetual Problems: repetitive, recurring, or frequent disagreements or differences in personality traits and lifestyle patterns that are not harmful to the relationship, yet they cause tension, frustration, and arguments. 

Why do couples choose to stay together even during difficult times? (The chaos I know is better than the chaos I don’t know.)

What is the difference between a Therapeutic Separation and a Separation? 

Therapeutic Separation:

• Goal: Aims to repair and improve the relationship.
• Guidance: Often facilitated by a therapist or counselor.
• Structure: Establishes clear rules, timelines, goals for individual and couple, boundaries around physical touch/intimacy, time with kids, finances, and who moves out
• Focus: Promotes self-growth and reflection for both partners while addressing the root issues in therapy. (abuse, addiction, codependency, infidelity, parenting, ect)
• Outcome: Designed to help couples make an informed decision about their future together.

Standard Separation:

• Goal: Typically involves living apart with no structured plan or therapeutic involvement.
• Guidance: May not involve professional assistance.
• Structure: Often informal and open-ended, with fewer agreed-upon terms.
• Focus: Allows space for individual reflection without necessarily working on the relationship.
• Outcome: Often leads to either divorce or reconciliation without a clear roadmap.