#102: Her Request to Never Notice Others
Update: 2025-12-26
Description
Welcome back to RL Radio!
In this episode, we talk about a wife's request that he never notice another woman. While this request might seem impossible for him to carry out, keep in mind that it's a deeper need beneath the one she is expressing. Jason also comments that oftentimes a rhetorical question (from her) points to a statement of grief. The question is giving expression to something deeper, usually a deeper need.
Here are the myths we discuss:
- Myth #1 - Noticing someone in public is the gateway to acting out.
- Myth #2 - Her expectations are unrealistic and completely out of line.
- Myth #3 - If he's doing good recovery work, he will NEVER notice another woman.
And here are the truths that offset the myths:
- Truth #1 - His noticing is NOT the starting point. Instead, the internal 'going-on's' are the starting points.
- Truth #2 - A broader sense of security is lacking, and there is an underlying need that IS valid.
- Truth #3 - It's impossible for him to never 'notice others'. What we need to focus on is her deeper needs, and whether character change is happening in him. In good recovery, it shifts (for him) from noticing with objectifying to simply seeing.
We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8.
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