People talk all the time about living a balanced life, but what do they mean? What do we mean when we say we’re trying to balance our lives? Some mean they are working on work/life balance, a seemingly elusive goal. On the hunt for how to organize their lives, it seems most moms are looking for some secret formula to make juggling our many responsibilities possible – and maybe even equitable.

Inside Simply Convivial Membership this month, we’re talking about finding a balanced life. What does it mean? Should we be seeking it? How? What can we do to stop feeling like we’re scrambling and missing important pieces of home and time management? In our Convivial Circle monthly topic chat channel, a few of our members offered helpful analogies for balance:

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The hunt for a balanced life

Balance.

The dictionary defines the verb to balance as “to keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall” or “to offset or compare the value of one thing with another”

The first definition is the one we usually mean when we talk about achieving balance in our lives. We want to be steady, regular, diligent, consistent. We hate feeling like we’re scrambling, dropping the ball, and never getting to what matters. So we think that balance is the answer.

But what is that something that we’re putting in a steady position so it doesn’t fall? Is it our to-do list? Is it our various roles and responsibilities? Is it our attitude? Or is it C – all of the above?

In seeking the first definition of balance, we often settle for the second, which basically means we make trade-offs and hope everything will come out even in the end. We didn’t get to the laundry, but the schoolwork was done. We didn’t mop, but we did get dinner on the table. Does the value of what was done make up for what doesn’t?

Sure, we want all of the things done so that we never have to make trade-offs like that, but it’s just not going to happen in this life. It’s an idealistic dream. We can continue honing our skills and getting better at what we do. We can expand our capacity and align our expectations. But we will always be making trade-offs. We just need to make sure those trade-offs are done in favor of the work with ultimate value.

And, if we’re going to keep anything in a steady position so it doesn’t fall, let’s make it our attitude, not our chores. Keeping an emotional even keel will keep the scales balanced no matter what it is that suffered in the day’s survival mode skirmish. Having a balanced emotional life is the best kind of balanced life to live.

After all, an even temper, a cheerful attitude, a resilient and impervious demeanor, protects what is of ultimate value: our hearts and our relationships. If those aren’t prioritized, none of the work we do to serve others and maintain our home will count for anything.

So if you’re worried about living a more balanced life, take a deep breath. Don’t use finding balance as a code or coverup for perfectionism. It’s such an easy trap to fall into, but perfectionism paralyzes. It steals our joy and our actual progress.

If you want a balanced life, go for keeping a balanced, pleasant, diligent attitude – a convivial attitude. More chores will get done in the long run that way, too. But more importantly, our relationships with our kids won’t be damaged and given the short stick while we do those chores.

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