In this wildly emotional and hilariously revealing episode, James Marsters returns from the convention circuit with juicy Buffy reboot rumors (which he can't actually talk about). Meanwhile, Mark Devine contemplates the delicate art of crying (spoiler: he struggles) and reminisces about his eyebrow-raising appearance on Sex and the City.

James reflects on why vampires remain eternally youthful and appealing, sparking a lively debate about supernatural skincare and the magic of CGI de-aging. The Schmactors dive into their deepest stage fright stories, from childhood roles as depressed donkeys to Shakespearean mishaps involving limps that healed mysteriously.

Plus, the duo tackles hard-hitting questions from fans: What's your favorite cheese? (Shoutout to Velveeta and smoked Gouda). Would you rather infinite knowledge, infinite money, or infinite time—and how quickly would each ruin your life? Lastly, James reveals a surprising fascination with centaurs and their... anatomical advantages.

Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠schmactors.com⁠⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy.

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