No matter how well you take care of your body, gravity will eventually pull you back to earth to be reclaimed by the soil. And although very smart people on this planet have developed stunning scientific methods to prolong the everlasting blink, when your train is whistling into the station, you’ll need to politely disembark to clear space for new passengers. This is the end of the line--no pill, no surgery--no more birthdays.

But you can’t be mad. Being atop the food chain doesn’t mean you live forever, just that you live well longer. In fact, you’ll most likely dwell here about five times longer than the average caveperson ever did, so be grateful that you don’t have to be worried about being eaten by a razor-toothed land shark. That poor hairy dude didn’t have a gun, a car, or an electric razor--much less a Home Depot.

Yes, there are clams that live over 500 years and there are some trees that live thousands of years. But for you, large brain or not, 120 loops around the glowing orb are what you get--give or take a decade or ten depending on how well you attract lightning. And that’s a generous estimation, mostly reserved for women living on some isolated island in Japan or Italy with simple diets and a daily glass of vino, sequestered from the instant gratification society of processed foods and secondhand smoke. 

So, as there’s no denying that some people have temporarily circumvented death. But as there are clever roundabouts and shortcuts en route to your final destination, the tick of the almighty timepiece will eventually come to a halt. And when that clock finally stops, let’s hope it gets stuck on 4:20 .

Afterall, the best way to go is up in smoke.