Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn’t meeting their needs.

I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold.

LISTEN to your spouse’s heartcry. Don’t let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking.

If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage.

As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please don’t wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you don’t respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold.

NOTE: If you’re the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partner’s needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Don’t stop. Don’t let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesn’t want you to be hopeless. Trust in God.

 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too.

Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disaster—God has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a “bickering wife” and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husband’s self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!"