A Patreon Sampler From the Briny Deep
A Patreon Sampler From the Briny DeepUpdate: 2024-09-17
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// UNWANTED GUESTS, UNWANTED GIFTS
// CRASHING OUT IN ALL KINDS OF WAYS
// A HOLIDAY TRADITION, MIN-MAXED
Three more awful little stories from the Patreon vault: "You Have to Invite Bob & Kim Wright", "Totaled", and "Egg Fight". For dozens of hours more of original horror and behinds the scenes discussions, visit www.patreon.com/thewrongstation. Sign up for your free trial today!
--Written by Alexander Saxton and performed by Anthony Botelho. The Wrong Station contains explicit content and mature themes. Episode-specific warnings can be found at www.wrongstation.com/c-w.
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Transcript
00:00:00
[INTENSE MUSIC]
00:00:07
Hello, listeners.
00:00:09
It's Anthony here.
00:00:10
We hope you're getting excited for season 9 of Run Station.
00:00:14
We certainly are.
00:00:15
The teacher is coming out at the end of this month.
00:00:18
And ahead of that, we wanted to give you one more Amuse Boosh of Patreon Exclusive Content from 2023.
00:00:25
Your support during last year's Pledge Drive really blew us away.
00:00:29
For those of you who don't know, we're a very small team.
00:00:32
With the exception of the occasional guest writer or performer, it's just Alexander Jacob and myself, the three of us writing, editing, producing, and marketing for eight years now.
00:00:43
So your contributions through Patreon are what make Rock Station possible.
00:00:48
Because making this show is a year round job.
00:00:50
And it's something we love doing and want to keep doing.
00:00:54
There's a ton of stuff on the Patreon right now.
00:00:56
We on this sampler.
00:00:57
And if you wanted to sign up for a week-long free trial, we'd really appreciate that.
00:01:02
There's a link in the episode description or go to patreon.com/thorongstation.
00:01:07
There are, as of right now, 40 plus exclusive short stories, probably 30 plus hours of behind-the-scenes discussions.
00:01:14
And that's just to the $5 tier.
00:01:16
Even $1 a month, which gets you ad-free listening, means the world to us.
00:01:22
Also, if you just want to sign up for a few months and download a bunch of stuff for later listening, hell yeah.
00:01:29
There is no wrong way to support the show.
00:01:31
Whatever you can manage, we thank you.
00:01:33
And if you can't donate, there are other ways to support the show.
00:01:36
Leave us a five-star review on your podcast app.
00:01:39
Get your friends to listen.
00:01:40
Share your favorite episodes on social media and tag us in the post.
00:01:45
We're very proud to have the audience and support that we do.
00:01:48
Your donations keep Rock Station free for everyone.
00:01:52
Thank you.
00:01:53
And enjoy this episode.
00:01:55
You have to invite Bob and Kim Wright.
00:01:58
His mother said, "I absolutely do not.
00:02:02
You didn't even look up on the dishes.
00:02:03
That's how absurd the suggestion was."
00:02:05
"No, you have to invite them," she insisted.
00:02:08
"I don't even know them.
00:02:10
I've got them, what, twice?
00:02:11
For five minutes?
00:02:13
I didn't even see them since I was 15.
00:02:15
They were your father's friends.
00:02:17
Are they your friends?"
00:02:18
"No, but they were your fathers.
00:02:20
And it would be rude not to invite them."
00:02:22
He sighed, hung his head, "Do you have any idea what it costs to plan a wedding these days?"
00:02:28
She waved her hands.
00:02:29
"I'm helping with that.
00:02:31
If you're so tight, I'll cover the cost of their plates."
00:02:34
Small price to pay for doing the right thing.
00:02:36
That was the right thing.
00:02:37
They wouldn't even know anybody there.
00:02:39
Why would they even want to come?
00:02:40
"It doesn't matter," she said calmly.
00:02:43
"If they come, it probably won't.
00:02:46
The important thing is to invite them."
00:02:49
This conversation went on for some time.
00:02:53
In the end, he invited them.
00:02:55
And then a few days later, and much to his dismay, he received their RSVP.
00:03:00
Delighted to come, and read, "So kind of you to think of us.
00:03:03
We'll be there.
00:03:04
Exo, Bob and Kim."
00:03:07
"Oh boy," he said.
00:03:09
"That's all right," his fiancee told him.
00:03:12
"It's two more people.
00:03:13
I'm sure they're lovely."
00:03:15
He said, "The deed was done."
00:03:20
The day came, awaiting flowers, garlands, outdoor chairs in front of an arch.
00:03:27
Bob and Kim found him running around on some last-minute airing before the ceremony.
00:03:31
"There you are, old man!" Bob, about an inch shorter, and a few tassels bolder than he remembered, looking a little paper in the skin, bewaring a full canvas suit and a heavy golden wristwatch,
00:03:43
and his hug was enormous.
00:03:46
"You look amazing, just like your father doesn't eat Kim."
00:03:49
Kim, a few pounds rounder, and if you feed more shortsighted than you remembered, blinked up at him through trendy, tortoise shell glasses.
00:03:57
She was carrying a very large present wrapped in her arms, even though the happy couple hadn't gone in for a registry anywhere.
00:04:03
"Oh, yes, the very image, Bob, the very image."
00:04:07
"Thank you."
00:04:08
"Well, it's wonderful to see you, and I'm so glad you could make it.
00:04:12
But I have to run, take care of some last-minute things.
00:04:14
I'll speak to you more at the reception?"
00:04:16
"Yes, of course, old man.
00:04:17
Get to it, get to it!" And after that, the old couple was banished from his mind in a flurry of last-minute activity, and then in the sound of Pacabel's cannon,
00:04:28
and the vision of a dark-eyed woman and white walking down the aisle toward him.
00:04:32
"It was a great party!" Bard rung dry before 1 a.m., and everybody wheeling and dancing, and at one point, Kim had her arm around his shoulder and was yelling at him about how much they missed his father,
00:04:44
and what a friend he'd been, and how wonderful it was to see his son growing up into such a wonderful man, and what a wonderful woman he'd married, and then the both of them were crying, and they drank a toast of champagne together to his memory.
00:04:57
And at one point in the dancing, Bob took to the floor and broke out some truly unexpected moves, and everybody was gathered around and chanting, "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob."
00:05:09
And then somewhere along the way the night came to an end, and the married couple woke up the next morning in their hotel room, feeling very groggy.
00:05:19
The order had some room surface for breakfast.
00:05:22
You only get married once, unless, you know, over eggs and hash browns and black coffee, they gradually pieced together the previous night.
00:05:31
"I don't know, you were so worried about, with Bob and Kim right," she said, knocking back an ad-ville with some orange juice.
00:05:39
"You were so nice, so fun and easy-going.
00:05:40
Honestly, the party wouldn't have been the same without them."
00:05:43
"I know.
00:05:45
He wasn't even surprised to hear himself agree.
00:05:48
Also, he dropped his voice.
00:05:51
I don't mean to be that guy, but they are quite rich."
00:05:56
"Where are they?
00:05:56
Didn't you see that suit, Bob, was wearing?"
00:05:59
"Well, I don't know much about suits.
00:06:01
Well, what about those chandeliers, Kim had hanging for my ears?
00:06:04
But they were glass.
00:06:06
Oh, no.
00:06:07
One hundred percent to beers, straight from Cecil Road's sweaty hand.
00:06:11
Wow.
00:06:12
Well, hey, I was happy with them before, but if they give us something really fancy, then you owe your mom an apology.
00:06:18
But what, with hangover and clean up and climbing for the honeymoon?
00:06:22
Took them a couple of days to actually get around opening any gifts.
00:06:26
Mostly envelopes of cash, which was perfect.
00:06:29
One or two household items was unasked for, including two toasters.
00:06:34
But the big wrapped box from Bob and Kim may have left for last.
00:06:38
"You want to do it?"
00:06:40
he asked.
00:06:40
"No, no.
00:06:41
She handed him the letter opener.
00:06:44
That's all yours."
00:06:46
The box was heavy as he took it into his lap.
00:06:49
Something dense inside held him place with styrofoam.
00:06:53
He undid the wide, buttery ribbon, slit the heavy toothsome paper.
00:06:58
The wrapping fell away revealing a plain cardboard box.
00:07:02
Suspense is killing me, she said.
00:07:05
Only half ironically.
00:07:07
He unfolded the top of the box.
00:07:10
Looked inside.
00:07:12
Flinched violently and almost dropped it.
00:07:14
"She's Christ.
00:07:16
What is it, are you okay?
00:07:17
No.
00:07:18
Yes, it's just..."
00:07:21
He reached inside the box and slowly withdrew.
00:07:25
A mask made out of a human skull.
00:07:29
Golden black eyes of iron pyrites stared out of white enamel sockets.
00:07:34
The face was banded blue and black with turquoise and obsidian mosaic.
00:07:39
The nostrils flaring angular and red with ochre.
00:07:43
The teeth still white, though a few of them were missing, and part of one was rattling around the bottom of the box.
00:07:50
"What?
00:07:51
The fuck is that?"
00:07:54
she said.
00:07:55
"I think..."
00:07:58
"I think it's the death mask of Tesquette LaPoca."
00:08:01
Tesquette LaPoca, smoking mirror, he explained.
00:08:04
The Aztec God of the Night Wind.
00:08:06
He'd studied Latin American history at uni.
00:08:08
Isn't this at the British Museum?
00:08:12
A quick Google search revealed that this was, in fact, the mask, which was, in fact, supposed to be at the British Museum.
00:08:18
"How did they get it?"
00:08:20
I knew they were rich, but...
00:08:21
Isn't it a crime to own this?
00:08:24
We have to give it back.
00:08:25
But their only contact with the rights is was through his mother.
00:08:29
"I don't know what you're complaining about.
00:08:30
His mother snapped over the phone.
00:08:32
It's a very generous gift."
00:08:33
"Yes, but that's not the issue.
00:08:35
You are not giving it back."
00:08:37
"We absolutely are.
00:08:38
Well, then you'll have to track them down yourself because they're not answering my calls."
00:08:42
He wasn't sure if she was lying to him or not.
00:08:45
"We are not keeping this mask."
00:08:48
"Fine," she sniffed.
00:08:49
"I guess people just don't understand gratitude nowadays."
00:08:53
He hung up on her, at the same time she hung up on him.
00:08:57
But he was never able to get a hold of the rights as again.
00:09:01
In fact, nobody was.
00:09:03
Not him, not his mother.
00:09:04
Certainly not international police.
00:09:08
And that mask is still sitting in a box in the basement.
00:09:12
I mean, you can't just throw it out.
00:09:16
That'd be really rude.
00:09:19
"Bearing for the hills at night, headlights strobing off the alchemical new lines on the black tarmac, off the sudden yellow high-vis signs,
00:09:31
off the night eyes of creatures hiding in the trees.
00:09:35
Cocaine music playing.
00:09:36
Synthesizer's grinding is your cousin's slams, the accelerator pedal again and again to power out each winding turd.
00:09:44
Don't you think you should slow down?
00:09:46
But your cousin doesn't even look at you.
00:09:48
He's got his eyes on the road, one hand lying out the window with a cherry of a cigarette burning in cupped fingers.
00:09:54
He's other hand switching between the stick shift and the tall boy of bush-logger.
00:09:59
"Don't be a pussy," he tells you.
00:10:02
"This is a very foundational memory in your life.
00:10:05
This is one that's going to stick with you to the very end.
00:10:08
You're never going to tell anyone about it.
00:10:10
Not your best fucking friend in the world.
00:10:13
Not your priest or therapist or parents.
00:10:15
Not your wife or kids.
00:10:17
Not even the love of your life.
00:10:19
You'll never tell anyone about it.
00:10:22
This memory is just for you."
00:10:24
Your cousin slams the wheel, coming damn close, is spinning out the car into a rocky ditch at the roadside.
00:10:31
Somehow he pulls it off, slams the accelerator and is off, climbing along and climbed with black planes on either side.
00:10:38
Deer crossing signs, sparking amber in the headlights, but why bother paying attention to them?
00:10:44
Are you pickwitties up here?
00:10:45
Just blend in with the trees at this point.
00:10:48
Then, all of a sudden, I shine in the darkness and something explodes out in front of the car.
00:10:54
Before you can even register what it is, it's smashing through the front window when the car is all out of control, and all of creation is a blur, opaque as gray, you know, opaque as lead, and the hand of gravity has wrapped around your chest and picked you up and thrown you back against your seat harder than anything you could ever imagine in your whole goddamn entire life,
00:11:13
and something explodes in your face and alls.
00:11:17
Still, you're bleeding face first into the airbag as it slowly deflates, and a bright orange pain lances down along your chest and across your waist.
00:11:28
Seet boat broke a collarbone and bruised three ribs.
00:11:33
You'll be recovering from this for eight months.
00:11:36
Your cousin isn't so lucky.
00:11:39
The deer came straight to the window on his side, 200 plus pound animal, and you must have been going over 70 when you pancake it, crumpled metal like foil, and turned the windshield glass to blue flower.
00:11:52
12 point buck.
00:11:53
Good gut if you're shooting.
00:11:55
Worst get if you're driving.
00:11:58
The antlers have gone straight through your cousin's chest and neck in eight places.
00:12:03
But there was eye in a ninth.
00:12:05
The cigarette has disappeared somewhere.
00:12:07
Miraculous like the tall boy of bushes undisturbed.
00:12:12
Your cousin dead on impact.
00:12:15
The deer somehow still barely alive.
00:12:18
Every single bone in his body must be shattered.
00:12:22
Every single organ liquefied by well over a hundred thousand mootons of impact.
00:12:27
Yet the animal still somehow hauling and wheezing breaths.
00:12:31
The antlers creak and crack, bleeding and drawing blood from your cousin's ruined torso, as the deer turns its head toward you.
00:12:40
Black eyes are vacant.
00:12:42
Staring.
00:12:44
Already seeming to cloud over even though that shouldn't happen for about a half hour after death.
00:12:50
Another rattling breath in and out as the animal stares at you.
00:12:54
It opens its mouth, gasping for hair that its ruptured lungs can't hold.
00:13:00
Blood draws freely from between the shattered molars.
00:13:04
Ben unexpectedly, the deer makes a coughing sound almost like a laugh.
00:13:14
"Looking you in the eye," says.
00:13:19
"Fuckin' got ya, bitch."
00:13:25
After that, the deer goes limp, falls still, and slowly cools with the night air and the ticking wreckage of your cousin's car.
00:13:35
You have a long time to consider those final words.
00:13:40
No one comes along till morning.
00:13:47
You know what eggfights are?
00:13:49
Do you guys do eggfights at all around Easter time?
00:13:52
No?
00:13:53
Okay, well I never did either until I married into my wife's family, but it's a...
00:13:58
it's a Greek thing.
00:13:59
It's actually really fun, except for the one time I'm about to tell you about.
00:14:04
But the way it works is, every year, just before Easter, you'd die a bunch of hard boiled eggs with food coloring.
00:14:09
Usually just red, blue, and yellow in my wife's family.
00:14:12
Which, so far, is pretty standard Easter stuff.
00:14:16
But the fun part is, on Easter, everybody picks an egg and you have a sort of tournament.
00:14:21
You start by choosing an opponent, flip a coin to see who goes first.
00:14:25
The one who loses the coin flip holds their egg steady, pointy side up.
00:14:29
The one who wins the coin flip holds their egg, pointy side down, and whap.
00:14:33
It's the pointy part of their opponent's egg with the pointy part of their egg.
00:14:37
If you don't hit hard enough and neither egg breaks, switch positions.
00:14:41
If your egg breaks, you lose.
00:14:43
If you break the other person's egg, you move on to the next round.
00:14:47
Eventually, one egg is left standing out of all the other eggs, and the person holding that egg gets to lord it over everybody else for the entire year.
00:14:54
As if there were some sort of skill or strategy or moral excellence, which led them to have the winning egg.
00:15:01
Anyway, like I said, fun.
00:15:04
Sometimes people get into shenanigans bringing different kinds of eggs, thinking it'll give them an advantage.
00:15:09
I heard about somebody using a duck egg one year, thinking it would give them an edge because they're larger.
00:15:14
But I think that backfired because the egg turned out to be more fragile and broke on the first round.
00:15:20
One year when he was young, Uncle George, no, the other Uncle George, brought an emo egg and ran the table with it, which I think is a shame because they're really good scrambled if you ever get the chance to eat one.
00:15:31
Bit of a waste of hard boil at my opinion.
00:15:34
One year, my father-in-law took me inside and told me in a solemn voice that he had an egg which was unbeatable and won every time.
00:15:42
I asked him, "Do you use the same one every year?"
00:15:45
and he nodded and said he did.
00:15:47
"Do you just have it in storage somewhere downstairs?"
00:15:51
He nodded again, which surprised me because I was sort of bullshitting when I asked the question and assumed he would just bullshit me back.
00:15:58
But when he nodded yes, I allowed myself to imagine some sort of great old egg, strange runes and sigils carved into the shell, baleful radiances emanating from it,
00:16:09
et cetera.
00:16:10
But then after a moment he frowned and nodded again and in the very same, very sober tone of voice.
00:16:17
He told me the egg is made of marble.
00:16:20
Son of a bitch.
00:16:22
He showed me later.
00:16:24
It was a very life-like egg.
00:16:26
But all this is background.
00:16:28
What I'm going to tell you now is the story of what happened when my wife's younger and weirdest cousin Evrieduki brought home a boy for Easter celebration.
00:16:37
His name was Matt and he seemed like a nice enough guy, but he always seemed a little bit like he was lost at the mall.
00:16:43
And since Evrieduki also sort of seemed like she was lost in the basement of the mall, I can kind of see what they saw on one another.
00:16:49
Anyway, when Matt found out about the egg fights thing, he got really excited.
00:16:53
He was the kind of guy who loved to learn a new game and then spent hundreds of hours reading red-aposts about how to min-max everything in that game.
00:17:01
He came in determined to optimize egg fights.
00:17:04
The three months before Easter, Evrieduki kept bragging to everyone about how Matt had a special egg and was going to win.
00:17:11
I think this was an important moment for Evrieduki to kind of get her own back a bit from other members of the family.
00:17:17
Does your boyfriend have a special egg?
00:17:18
She asked cousin Fia?
00:17:20
Fia didn't even look up from her phone.
00:17:22
No, she said.
00:17:24
He has a life.
00:17:25
And man, I really wanted to support Evrieduki on that one because she needed all the help she could get.
00:17:31
But boy, oh boy, was that one a washout?
00:17:34
Poor kid had a tough time showing her face for a little while after that.
00:17:37
Anyway, the fatal resurrection came around at last.
00:17:41
And Evrieduki proudly introduced us all to Matt who was very smiling and looked nothing so much as an oversized cartoon boy.
00:17:48
His hand was sort of cold and limp and damp when I shook it and his other mitt was filled with a big hard boiled egg.
00:17:55
Was this the famous egg?
00:17:57
I asked.
00:17:58
Trying to make him feel welcome.
00:18:00
Sure is, he exclaimed.
00:18:02
Most upvoted one on the subreddit.
00:18:04
There's a subreddit for egg fights.
00:18:06
How many people are on there?
00:18:08
Well, not too many, he admitted.
00:18:10
But the post about this egg got 14 upvotes, which is pretty big numbers considering.
00:18:14
I pulled up my phone.
00:18:16
Is it our slash egg fights?
00:18:18
I asked.
00:18:20
He just laughed and shook his head.
00:18:22
That's a good place to start.
00:18:23
But it's not for people who are serious about egg fights.
00:18:26
I'm not going to tell you the name of that one though.
00:18:28
Don't want to give away my edge.
00:18:30
So that's how it's going to be, huh?
00:18:33
He shrugged.
00:18:35
That's how it is.
00:18:37
Much came and went.
00:18:38
People ate, had a couple glasses of wine and so forth.
00:18:42
Matt had a bit of a tough time because the only thing he wanted to talk about was egg fights and nobody else was really all that invested.
00:18:49
But at his and he've read the key's insistence the time finally came and everybody picked their eggs.
00:18:55
I picked a red one because the fast egg is more likely to win and red has been scientifically proven to be the fastest color.
00:19:01
My wife chose blue because, as I said to her, then she's a sentimental fool who will never win at egg fights.
00:19:08
We were head to head in the first round.
00:19:10
I won the coin flip.
00:19:11
Wack!
00:19:13
Blue egg cracked.
00:19:14
Red egg undefeated.
00:19:16
Sorry, darling.
00:19:17
Maybe next year.
00:19:18
Onto the next round.
00:19:20
Me versus Teja Costa Dina.
00:19:21
A yellow egg?
00:19:22
Don't make me laugh.
00:19:24
Shattered.
00:19:24
Another enemy defeated.
00:19:26
In the third round, it was me versus Matt.
00:19:29
I won the coin flip.
00:19:31
Sorry kid, you're going down.
00:19:33
Agripped my egg firmly, the trick is you have to sort of lightly squeeze the egg to firm up the cadenary arch, keeping your thumb slightly bent to absorb the extra shock.
00:19:43
Then with lighting quickness tapped the egg down, speed equals weight.
00:19:47
Have you ever been hit with an egg traveling at the speed of light?
00:19:50
I hit Matt's egg.
00:19:51
My form was perfect.
00:19:52
My speed uncanny.
00:19:54
My egg, a true champion, heavy with a weight of calcium.
00:19:59
It's shattered against Matt's egg like a pain of spun sugar.
00:20:02
I fell to the floor, clenching my wrist.
00:20:05
Unbelievable.
00:20:06
Unthinkable.
00:20:08
What is that egg?
00:20:09
Is it a duck?
00:20:09
Is it, is it a guinea foul or something?
00:20:13
Matt just shrugged.
00:20:14
An inigmatic smile.
00:20:16
I met the eye of my father-in-law.
00:20:19
He just nodded slightly, then disappeared downstairs.
00:20:23
The finals, the whole family, all however many of them, including somewhere between five and seven men named George were gathered around the kitchen as if we were about to witness the kind of knife fight where people throw hammers and $100 bills down into a pit.
00:20:37
Matt on one side, my father-in-law and the other, both looking calm and collected and completely in control.
00:20:44
It all came down to this.
00:20:46
Eternal glory.
00:20:48
Matt won the coin flip.
00:20:50
Drum roll.
00:20:52
Count down from ten.
00:20:54
Three, two, one, go.
00:20:57
Matt brought down his egg with perfect swift technique and a look of complete confidence on his face.
00:21:04
He had no idea he was about to hit the marble egg.
00:21:07
Since he was the one who destroyed my beautiful red egg/son, I was already crawling at his downfall.
00:21:13
Crack.
00:21:16
And the most unexpected thing happened.
00:21:19
A black split appeared down the side.
00:21:22
Neffaint exhalation of dust.
00:21:25
And then the marble egg fell in half.
00:21:28
Pandemonium.
00:21:29
Screams and shouts and accusations of cheating on both sides.
00:21:33
My father-in-law just standing there, looking down with a bemuse chagrin at the wreckage of his great weapon, like a gunshot soldier laughing at the ironic sight of his own life's blood.
00:21:43
So that was it then.
00:21:44
Matt's egg victorious was also marble.
00:21:48
No wonder the sub-reddit liked it.
00:21:51
Then his egg split open, too.
00:21:55
And all the room went silent.
00:21:59
Splat.
00:22:00
The fetus landed flat on the kitchen floor.
00:22:03
"My God," said Antina, who's fertilized.
00:22:08
Then a horrible thin whale filled the air and had red and bloody fetus.
00:22:15
Whatever it was, began to keen and slobber and drag itself with featherless wings across the tile floor, leaving a broad and brownish trail blood behind it.
00:22:26
This thing, look, I know it was a fetus, but it still looked like no bird I've ever seen.
00:22:30
The neck, bony, and twice the body's length, the head huge and weirdly pointed, but on top, the beak split vertically as well as horizontally.
00:22:40
Three scrabbling legs, and horrid glands and pudendi all along its raw chicken flank, that nub of a tail ending in little black barbolets that made a scratching noise along the floor.
00:22:53
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.
00:22:55
It was crawling right for a vredeke, and it was making that horrid noise, and there was a hunger and malice in those great black eyes, and we all seemed frozen, horrified and petrified by the sight of this little thing,
00:23:09
by its overwhelming smell of blood and rancid egg, and the watery yellow black feces that burst from its hind end as it sloughed across the floor.
00:23:18
And just when it was about to reach a vredeke's white sneaker, slam.
00:23:23
A four-pound coffee table book.
00:23:27
The great buildings of classical and modern Greece, published by the Rand McNally Corporation, dropped from a four-foot height by Uncle George.
00:23:36
No, no, the other other Uncle George.
00:23:39
The wailing stopped.
00:23:41
The smell went nowhere.
00:23:43
George nudged the book with his foot, and I had to look the other way.
00:23:47
It was dead, all right?
00:23:50
"Jesus Christ, kid," shouted Uncle George.
00:23:54
"You know you're supposed to boil the egg first, right?"
00:23:57
"Yeah, well, that's the thing," said Matt.
00:24:02
"Poor guy, he looked as pale as an egg."
00:24:06
"I did."
00:24:12
[BLANK_AUDIO]
00:24:22
