We parents try to do all the things we can to help our children to grow up. We advise. We admonish. We even end up preaching at them sometimes. But it’s not what we say, it’s what we do, how we live – what they see our life to be, that has the greatest impact in shaping them as they grow up.

 

A Godly Example

Well, this is the last message in a series that I have called, “Building a Godly Family” and what I’ve decided to do; I talked to a friend of mine in the U.S., his name is Mark. He has nine children of his own and I thought I’d ask him for his top three or four tips. Now if you want to find out what they are, stick with me today on the programme because we are going to explore what a father of nine had to say.

Now I don’t know how things are in your neck of the woods but one of the really hot topics around where I live is binge drinking amongst teenagers. I mean, blind Freddy can see that alcohol abuse is so incredibly destructive. I was listening to a doctor at the head of the Emergency Ward in our local hospital and he was saying that something like eighty percent of the young people under thirty, who get admitted to the Emergency Ward of the hospital on a weekend, are there because of alcohol related issues.

Now that’s amazing – violence, injury, illness – it’s pretty scary and it kind of begs the question: "How does that happen?" I mean how does a kid go from being this beautiful little baby to a drunken teenager in the gutter? And to combat this teenage binge drinking they have been running an ad on television – a bunch of Australian men in the back yard drinking beer and one of the dads send his young son to the fridge to get him another bottle of beer. And the punch line is about making the point that our children are taking in our habits. They’re watching us, they are taking it all in, they pick up things by what rubs off from us.

Do you know something? That kind of makes sense. Where there is drinking, child abuse, all those things are so negative, so destructive and yet this powerful imprinting thing happens to children in a family. And parents ... we as parents, we’re right up there; we are the authority figures and when a child is growing up the only reality that it has is the family that it’s living in. That’s all that child knows; you grow up in the family and that’s it. You don’t know any different whether it’s anger, violence, alcohol abuse, whatever it is, if that’s a powerful part of your reality growing up, it’s going to leave an imprint.

Now, our DNA determines who we naturally are but our personalities; our characters, our view of ourselves and others, our morals, our values, our patterns of behaviour – all of those things are hugely ... hugely shaped by our environment. God’s plan is for a loving family, not just a nuclear family, the way we are used to in the West, I guess but the wider family. If you have a Bible, I want you to grab it, open it up with me. We are going to the New Testament, the Book of Titus chapter 2, beginning at verse 2. This is what it says:

Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love and endurance.

Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behaviour, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands so that the word of God may not be discredited.

Likewise, urge the younger men to be self controlled. Show yourself in all respects a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity and sound speech that cannot be censured; then any opponent will be put to shame, having nothing evil to say.

You see what’s happening here? Paul is writing to Titus and he’s saying, "Look, Titus, look, here’s how it is: older men should set an example; older women should set an example so that the younger men and the younger women will learn from the older ones, so that needs to be handed down from the older men and women to the younger men and women and then, from the younger men and women, to their children."

See, so much of our behaviour comes from the behaviour we learn from older people, both as children and as adults. That’s why mentorship is so important. You may have heard me talk about a man, Graham, my business partner for twenty years. Now Graham is about seventeen or eighteen years my senior and he taught me so many things – I watched his behaviour. He was good and descent and effective in so many ways and I learned from him. I became all that I am by watching him and learning from him, like ... like a life’s apprentice.

We have been talking these last few weeks about building a godly family and today I want to get really down to earth with some practical things. I believe ... I truly believe that the most powerful thing that you and I can do to build a godly family is to be a godly person and to live a godly life. Let me say that again; this is important. The most powerful thing that you and I can do to build a godly family is to be a godly person and to live a godly life.

Are you an older man or woman? Some societies respect their elders, other like mine, well; we’re not quite as good at this as we should be. Anything old is out of date; it’s beyond its use-by date; it’s old fashioned. We take older people and we stick them in nursing homes. I don’t generalise, but as a society, mine doesn’t value older people as much as some other societies do. But you older people can be such a godly influence in your family.

You’ve been around, you know something. You should have godly wisdom that comes from a life-long faith in and walk with Jesus Christ. You are not involved any more, by and large, in the daily cut and thrust and pressures of bringing up children. What a godly influence you can be on your grandchildren! You can be gentle, yet powerful. The glow, the radiance of God that shines through your eyes and your mouth can be such an influence.

And you parents! What a godly influence you can be on one another and on your children, husband and wife, by your behaviour and your countenance and your attitude and deeds and encouragement, how you can support one another. Maybe one of you is behaving badly – under pressure, you’re tired – the other one draws alongside and in love, steers things down the right path. And then the kids, instead of seeing their mother and father arguing and pulling in different directions, they see them trusting in God and supporting one another. What sort of lifelong imprint do we think that is going to leave on our children?

Each of us have bad habits – sin, anger, selfishness, low self-esteem, pride, dishonesty, whatever it is, those things can be handed down – in fact, they will be handed down to our children. But when we choose to deal with them; when we sacrifice them to God; when we let Him into that space, to change us, the fruit will be to our children and to their children and to a thousand generations. When the simple daily habits of our lives are godly, Christ honouring, humble, this is a powerful blessing on our children. This is the most powerful thing that we can do to build a godly family, to be godly.

Now I mentioned earlier on, Mark, my friend in the U.S., he kind of lives in Lincoln, Nebraska. I asked him to tell me what was one of the most important things that he knew about building godly family? Listen to what he says:

Everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher. (Luke chapter 6, verse 40)

While not usually thought of as a verse on parenting, the implications are clear. “We cannot hope to produce that in our children which we ourselves, do not possess”, writes Mark. “Our children, after all of our teaching, creative or not, intentional or not, verbal or not, will be like us. So, watch your own heart for it is the wellspring of life and don’t forget that the first things that must be dealt with, should be dealt with first, including keeping our marriage the priority in our family.”

Um, them’s wise words, don’t you think?

 

Faith Comes by Hearing

This "building a godly" family thing, you know what I think? I think it is about realising that we all, each one of us, in our families, need to see things through a fresh set of eyes. Every time I look up at the stars and the moon, I’m gob-smacked. The whole Milky Way thing, it’s almost like a cloud, like countless specks of stardust strewn across the sky, and then like clockwork every morning, this amazing ball of fire and light and warmth comes over the horizon – the sun, it never fails.

Now I’m wondering, if you or I had never been taught anything about the earth and the solar system and the sun and the moon and the universe, if we knew nothing about any of that, what would we make of it? If we stood here on planet Earth and watched this whole heavenly light show go on, day by day, what would we make of it without the knowledge scientists have given us?

Well, actually, we don’t have to look too far. There were so many theories down through the ages: the earth is flat, the earth’s at the centre – everything else revolves around it, the stars are little holes in the firmament – the skin that is stretched up where the sky is somewhere.

See, what happens is we look at this incredible cosmic light show that rolls past every day from our miniscule perspective, not realising how small and how narrow our view is and we get a distorte