Dr. Wesley Detwiler is a licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in California and he works closely with the LGBTQ+ community and those suffering from addiction and complex trauma. In this episode, Dr. Wesley talks about what sex positive really means when you are in sobriety. He also talks about how the community itself can ostracize men who are seeking recovery, and he also discusses how many men are unaware of the risks of sex and porn addiction when trying to get sober from drugs.  

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:50 ] A little bit about Dr. Wesley. 

[3:20 ] Dr. Wesley personally struggled with a drug addiction and he knew he had to get sober in order for him to be a successful psychologist. 

[4:45 ] How does Dr. Wesley define sobriety? 

[9:25 ] Everyone has an underlying need for connection. 

[11:15 ] A lot of gay men feel like they’re damaged goods. 

[12:15 ] How are we using sex to value or devalue ourselves?

[17:15 ] As a community, we can end up ostracizing the very people who need your help the most. 

[18:30 ] It’s not a ‘them’ problem, this is a ‘we’ problem. 

[20:20 ] What does it really mean to be ‘sex positive’ in sobriety? 

[23:35 ] We need to dive deeper and really explore what intimacy and sex really means to the individual. 

RESOURCES: 

Detwilerpsychology.com

QUOTES: 

• “I didn’t have the tools to ‘adult’ properly. I didn’t have the glue that would stick all those things together in a meaningful or positive way.”

• “For anyone struggling to get sober, do not give up. Sobriety is achievable. The only thing you can’t do is give up.”

• “As a community, there’s work we can do around having a more healthy concept of what healthy sex is.”