Episode Summary:

Today, we’re tackling an issue that affects millions of people: loneliness. In a world that’s more connected than ever through technology, many of us still feel isolated and unseen. Studies show that loneliness has become a public health crisis, impacting our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. According to a recent study, 1 in 3 adults reports feeling severely lonely. The CDC links social isolation and loneliness to depression, anxiety, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, dementia, and more. Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

But there’s good news: loneliness isn’t the end of the story. God created us for connection, and by taking intentional steps, we can build meaningful relationships that bring hope, healing, and joy. Stay tuned as Becky Harling and I unpack practical tips and faith-based solutions to combat the epidemic of loneliness and rediscover the power of authentic connection.

 

Quotables from the episode:

• According to a recent study, 1 in 3 adults reports feeling severely lonely.
• The CDC links social isolation and loneliness to depression, anxiety, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, dementia, and more.
• Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
• Loneliness is feeling disconnected. You could be in a crowded room with lots of people. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have people around you, you just don’t feel connected to those people, and so you can feel isolated even in a crowd.
• Busyness is one of the chief problems that have contributed to our society’s deep loneliness. People are busier today than they’ve ever been. We’re always off to the next appointment, the next thing, the next activity, and as a result we don’t know our neighbors. We don’t have time for friends. We’re on this continual treadmill that has taken over our lives and it’s become detrimental to us and yet we seem to wear busyness as a badge of honor.
• We have lost the ability to have meaningful conversations with people. We’ve lost the curiosity element where like every single person is an amazing creature designed in the image of God. I want to be curious and know who they are. I want to know what’s important to them and why it’s important to them and those conversations really build the deeper connections.
• The first small step is to reach out to somebody that you know and say either let’s go to coffee, because I want to know you better. Better yet, invite them into your home or coffee. For the listeners who may feel a little afraid, my encouragement is to do it afraid. Just do it afraid, but learn to reach out to people.
• When you bring humility into a friendship, not only are you modeling the behavior that Jesus taught us. Paul reminds us, have this attitude in yourself, which was also in Christ Jesus. He was humble, even though he existed in the form of God, he didn’t clamor after that. Instead, he took on the form of a bond servant. When you come to a relationship with humility, it levels the playing field, and you allow the other friend to feel safe.
• We are never more like the enemy than when we’re criticizing somebody because the enemy is the accuser of the brethren and so to be like Jesus we’re not going to stand around and accuse people because he didn’t do that….so offer compassion.
• When you’re tempted to take offense, or when you already have, I like to ask myself a few questions. How is it helping me to take offense? Usually it doesn't help me, it hurts me, right? How, what do I need to take responsibility for here? You know, what's the meaning I'm making in my head? We all tell ourselves stories, right? And so when we're tempted to take offense, what happens is we sell ourselves a story. You know, like maybe this person is so rude to me or they don't honor my space or they don't value my opinions. And it's likely not any of those things, you know, first of all, people might not even really be thinking about you. And you know, we tend to think, what is she thinking? What are they thinking? Well, they're not thinking about you. They're thinking about their own problems. So, you know, offer people grace, don't get offended so easily.
• If you’re trying to keep up an image, some kind of persona that you’re projecting to the world, that’s a burden. And it’s going to weigh you down. Why not just be vulnerable? Be yourself. Choose who you’re going to be vulnerable with.
• If you have good friends, dare to be vulnerable if you want the friendship to go deeper.  That’s one of the benefits of cultivating these deeper connections is the opportunity to have such a degree of vulnerability that you can pray for them, that you can ask them for prayer. I think prayer is one of the most vulnerable things that we can do. We're vulnerable before our Lord, but then when we ask for prayer, we're vulnerable before the one that we've asked for prayer from, and when they ask us for prayer. That's about the most vulnerable that you can get with someone. But it does foster that connection. We have to take a risk.
• If you are feeling lonely today, I want to talk directly to you. Pretend that we're just sitting across the table having coffee. I want you to know that you are never really alone because Jesus is the one who said, "I will never leave you. I will never forsake you." If you're a widow, you are never alone. Jesus is with you. If you're isolated in a new community, you are never alone. Jesus is with you. And as you cultivate your friendship with Jesus and you grow more secure in His love, it's going to give you the confidence then to let that love flow out to others. The first thing for you is to cultivate that deep friendship with Jesus. Go to him in prayer, tell him everything, you know, go to the word of God, listen to worship music, take a walk and just talk with Jesus. But cultivate that friendship first and foremost.

 

Scripture References:

• Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
• Hebrews 10:25 “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”

 

Recommended Resources:

• Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World by Becky Harling
• How to Listen So People Will Talk by Becky Harling
• How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Becky Harling
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1
• YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2
• Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference
• Revive & Thrive Summit 2
• Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1
• Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian  Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)
• YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win