I won’t say exactly how long cannabis has been in my life, but the release of Dark Side of the Moon and my first joint fell in the same calendar year!

I feel like a relic of the past when I remember terminology like doobie, roach clip, and head shop. That was also the year my sexuality came fully into being. Ergo, the idea of combining consciousness-altering substances with sensual pleasure is not new to me.

Cannabis is now legalized in many States, taking its rightful seat at the table of other health and wellness enhancement medicines. We no longer have to feel like criminals when we indulge in this sacrament; we can actually have a grown-up conversation about what’s available in the realm of entheogens.

And as a sex and intimacy coach, I’m particularly excited to share openly about how you can use cannabis to heighten your sensuality and partner intimacy.

Losing your mind

When it’s time to be in your body rather than your head, I hope you can answer “yes, I’m in my body”, and “Yes, I’ve lost my mind!”

In a recent questionnaire for my readers, roughly half answered in the affirmative when asked if they were too preoccupied with negative thoughts to let go and enjoy themselves sexually. Being stuck in our heads during sex and sensuality is a top challenge for all genders. All that thinking and overthinking can undermine our openness to closeness with our partner.

Let’s look at the notable ingredients of cannabis: THC and CBD. The levels of these two compounds will dictate the effect of cannabis on your intimate experiences and bodily pleasures.

CBD refers to a class of compounds that offer health benefits but generally don’t alter your mood or mental state. CBD potions and remedies are available for a wide variety of health concerns.

THC is the component that makes you feel “high” or “stoned,” and is the main ingredient we can harness to enhance sex. With a little research and experimentation, you can determine your optimal level of THC. The “right dose” will relieve the chronic overthinking that leads to anxiety — the number one enemy of sexual performance and satisfying orgasms.

Too much THC can make you feel sluggish, dissociated, and even a little anxious (among other effects). A suitable “Goldilocks dose” (neither too big or too small) will elevate your mood and expand your perspective. Note that today’s cannabis shops offer dozens of strains to choose from.

Like a bottle of wine, each cannabis strain has its subtle qualities, but generally speaking they break into two categories. Indica — which tend to offer a heavier body load (the feeling of a “body stone”) — and Sativa — which is more of a heady trip. Sativa is valued by aficionados for expanding creativity or even boosting energy. With Indica you might be inclined to lie on the couch and listen to music; with Sativa, you could find yourself absorbed in a creative project or, for those so inclined, tidying the house!

What’s best for you and your partner will vary from person to person and couple to couple. Indica might be your thing, or Sativa, or a blend. Some prefer to smoke it; others prefer edibles. If this is all new to you, start with small amounts and seek a good time and place or “set and setting” as they say in psychedelic communities. Please be aware that cannabis doesn’t agree with everyone, and don’t forget to check its legal status in your jurisdiction. I certainly don’t wish to be seen as encouraging people to break the law in their locality.

Our society has condoned the use of alcohol for eons to settle us down, take the “edge off,” and to function as a social lubricant. Personally, I don’t feel that alcohol (other than in very small amounts) lends itself to intimacy, for a variety of reasons. Alcohol can lead to nausea. It’s physically addictive which may lead to substance abuse and conflict. And when it comes to sex, alcohol impairs performance by numbing sensations and dulling our mental and situational awareness. (Not to mention the toxic after-effects of hangovers.)

Cannabis, on the other hand, brings us into the present moment and focuses our attention. It stimulates desire and creative thinking, and it enhances feelings of connection. It increases the intensity of our physical sensation and heightens the quality of our orgasms!

Again, the secret in using any consciousness-altering substance is experimentation and moderation. If you want connection, don’t get so high that you can’t be present and attuned to your partner! Please be a grown up and a responsible sexual partner. Start with small amounts and increase until you discover your optimal state for intimacy with a partner, or intimacy with yourself. And if you don’t want the “higher” love, that’s okay too. (of course!)

Cannabis is simply an option that some people enjoy for certain experience- enhancing qualities. With the advent of medical grade cannabis and low-dose THC, we can also get the health benefits of cannabis without the buzz.

Choose your strain of cannabis based on how you want to feel. Many people will find a hybrid of Indica and Sativa a good starting place for their experimentation. Too much of one and you’re sleeping on the couch. Too much of the other and you might feel less inclined to cuddle.

Note that you can enjoy some of the sexual benefits of cannabis without feeling high!

If you purchase low-THC cannabis products that are nevertheless rich in CBD compounds, cannabis can create more blood flow to the genitals and increase nerve sensitivity. CBD can relax tense pelvic floor muscles and reduce vaginal pain and erection challenges. Cannabis with high levels of CBD also eases symptoms of menopause, mood swings, sleep disturbances, and even bone loss. So it’s not all about the gifts of THC!

Questions to ask yourself are: How do I want to feel? What am I using it for? Am I primarily looking to get high? And if so, how high? What’s my preferred method of consuming cannabis? Smoking the flower? Vaping it? Eating it? Or applying creams, spraying oils, or using suppositories? Do I prefer Indica, Sativa, or a blend?

All these choices will impact your experience. Don’t be shy at cannabis stores and dispensaries. The staff are usually knowledgeable and happy to recommend products with names like Bubblegum Kush, Sour Diesel, Blue Dream, Love Potion #1, and so on.

Don’t be nervous, either, about asking for something that’s good for sex and intimacy. You’re not the only one asking, and these people have heard it all before!

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