This is episode 7 and the today’s topic is on Co-Dependency.

Check out my website for free handouts on Co-Dependency at igotyourbackgirlfriend.com.

When we are co-dependent we are emotionally reliant on another person.  Instead of being self-assured, confident and self-reliant, we are insecure and tend to lean on others to feel stronger. When we are co-dependent, we rely on others for our self-worth, and tend to be clingy. This is no way to live ladies.

A co-dependent relationship can be one with a parent, child, sibling, family members, friend, co-worker or a partner or spouse. When you are in a healthy relationship with someone, the relationship is a priority but you can find joy in outside interests, other friends and hobbies. When you are in a co-dependent relationship you have no personal identity, interest, or values outside of the co-dependent relationship.

When you are in a co-dependent relationship, you believe that your happiness depends on another person making you happy. Ladies, this is so false. The truth is the only person who can make you happy is yourself. When you give your own needs and identity to meet the needs of another person it will have long-term consequences.

For those who are co-dependent, have you ever wondered how you became co-dependent?

Most people learn codependency as a child because they are impressionable. A young child doesn’t have reasoning or life experiences to know the relationships they see and experience are unhealthy.

Children who grow up in dysfunctional families believe they don’t matter and they are the cause of the family problems. Does anyone resonate with this? I do.

The characteristics of dysfunctional families are chaotic, unpredictable, scary, unsafe, unsupportive, physical and or emotionally neglectful, manipulative, harsh or abusive. The parents or caregivers are in denial that their family has problems and don’t get help. The family has secrets. There is judgment and carelessness.  Parents or caregivers have unrealistic expectations of their children. They expect children to be perfect or do things beyond what is appropriate for their age. The parents or caregiver doesn’t provide the child with the feeling of security.

A child who has lived in a dysfunctional family will likely become the caretaker. Parents or caregivers, who aren’t able to provide a stable, nurturing and safe environment, can result in the child taking on the parenting role to fill in the holes where the parents or caregivers didn’t.

Are you a person who tries to fix a person? I was.

It’s important to not fix a person. You can have empathy, compassion, be a great listener and offer suggestions but it’s not your place to fix someone or at the expense of your well-being.

Always check in with yourself. Here are some questions you can ask yourself.

Why am I doing this?

Do I want to do this? or do I feel I have to something?

Will this drain any of my resources?

Will I still have energy to meet my own needs?

If you realized you are in a co-dependent relationship, you can make changes. The biggest change is setting boundaries and find your own happiness. Ask yourself, what makes you happy, fulfilled and loved. You are worth it.