Recovery can challenge us to transform our spiritual and religious understandings and underpinnings. For many, especially those emerging from rigid religious backgrounds, rediscovering or reimagining one's higher power becomes a transformative step. In this episode, Sara delves into her personal journey of redefining her higher power, lending an inspiring narrative to those struggling with similar paths in recovery.







Overcoming a Fearful God







Spencer: You wrote to me and said you wanted to talk about, as you put it, overcoming the God that was given to you from organized religion and finding the freedom to create a God of your own understanding, so that you are able to fully turn your will over to a higher power that you love and trust. Is that a fair summary?







Sara S.: Yes, that's exactly how my newly created higher power has helped me more fully put Step 3 into my life.







Sara’s initial experience was with a God formed by organized religion—a figure that was angry, judgmental, and fear-inducing. This “given God,” as Spencer referred to it, created a tumultuous inner life driven by guilt and fear. She felt compelled to be perfect and feared repercussions for any misstep, which profoundly affected her spirituality and recovery journey.







Discovering a New Understanding with Steps Two and Three







Recovery through Al-Anon presented a pivotal shift for Sara, particularly with Steps Two and Three, which focus on turning over one's will and life to the care of God as understood individually. For the first ten years, Sara white-knuckled through this process, holding on to a God she distrusted. It was only after distancing herself from organized religion and absorbing diverse perspectives in meetings that she began to creatively redefine her higher power.







Sara S.: I listened and I heard a lot of things in meetings about people having a female God or nature or the meetings or people, animals. You know, we are told we can create our own God of our understanding. So I decided I was going to do it.







Sara's initial attempts to envision a new higher power led her to create a God named Blake. Over time, Blake evolved into a composite higher power, drawing characteristics from four influential and supportive individuals in her life, resulting in a panel of higher powers that made her feel celebrated and adored.







The Impact of Trust in a Higher Power on Recovery







Fostering trust and acceptance with her new higher power significantly altered Sara's recovery journey. She began to feel more relaxed, supported, and secure, allowing her to engage with the steps more deeply and authentically.







Sara S.: I am fully willing to turn over the care of my life to this group of higher powers. I don't ever feel afraid. I talk to them when I wake up all day long. If I need to give something up, it's very easy now.







Sara's story is a powerful testament to the possibilities within recovery. By courageously redefining her higher power and embracing the Al-Anon principles, she found a spirituality that fosters trust, love, and profound personal growth. 







Readings and Links







During our conversation, we referred to these Al-Anon books:









* How Al-Anon Works, described by Spencer as “the basic text of Al-Anon.”







* Reaching for Personal Freedom, a workbook for studying how the Steps, Traditions and Concepts of Service can apply to our personal lives.