In this episode, ISTA facilitator Usha Rose speaks with systemic therapist and transformational guide Lars Borgmann about how to engage in conflict with others in a better way. 

As Lars explains, conflict can occur in any area of our lives, but our experiences of it are often so unpleasant that we aim to avoid it at any cost. Without being dealt with, it can fester underneath the surface of our relationships, causing even more problems. 

What we should do is stop seeing conflict as an indication that someone has done something wrong. Instead, we should take a systemic approach and see that everyone has their own internal conflicts, and their own complex desires, that are influencing the tense interaction.

If we see conflict as an opportunity for us to grow in our relationships with others, then we can begin collaborating with those we’re clashing with and create new solutions to the problems we’re facing. 

Lars speaks about how we can make this happen. He also addresses: 

·      Bringing love to conflict

·      Letting go of our need to control the truth

·      How conflicts are actually made-up of many smaller conflicts

·      The influence of past experience on present interactions

·      How 99% of our issues with others have already occurred within ourselves

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