Today on Upstream, Erik Torenberg interviews author Rob Henderson about modern romance, discussing evolutionary psychology, the attraction to dark triad men, dating apps, and practical advice for men seeking romantic partners.

—

📰 Be notified early when Turpentine's drops new publication: https://www.turpentine.co/exclusiveaccess 

🙏 Help shape our show by taking our quick listener survey at https://bit.ly/TurpentinePulse 

—

SPONSORS:

☁️Oracle Cloud Infrastructure (OCI) is a single platform for your infrastructure, database, application development, and AI needs. OCI has four to eight times the bandwidth of other clouds and offers one consistent price. Oracle is offering to cut your cloud bill in half. See if your company qualifies at https://oracle.com/turpentine 

🎯 Say goodbye to the headaches of out-of-home advertising. AdQuick combines technology, OOH expertise, and data to enable efficient, seamless ad buying across the globe. Visit https://adquick.com/ to start reaching your customers in the real world.

🕵️‍♂️ Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code UPSTREAM at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/upstream

💥 Head to Squad to access global engineering without the headache and at a fraction of the cost: head to https://choosesquad.com/  and mention “Turpentine” to skip the waitlist.

—

LINKS:

Why (Some) Women are Attracted to Violent Men: https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/why-some-women-are-attracted-to-violent 

 How to Choose a Romantic Partner: https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/how-to-choose-a-romantic-partner 

Richard Wrangham’s The Goodness Paradox: https://www.amazon.com/Goodness-Paradox-Relationship-Violence-Evolution/dp/1101870907 

Frans de Waal’s writings: https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/112082.Frans_de_Waal 

David Gilmore’s Manhood in the Making: https://www.amazon.com/Manhood-Making-Cultural-Concepts-Masculinity/dp/0300050763 

Neil Strauss’ The Game (Pickup Artists): https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738 

The Social Dimension of Sex: https://www.amazon.com/Social-Dimension-Sex-Roy-Baumeister/dp/0205324428

—

X / TWITTER:

@robkhenderson

@eriktorenberg

@turpentinemedia

—

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE EPISODE:

• Evolutionary theory suggests some women may be drawn to men with dark triad personality traits (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism) as a protective mechanism.


• Men who achieve high status among other men tend to also attract women.


• Pickup artist culture evolved from self-improvement advice to more pessimistic "black pill" incel communities.


• Basic improvements for men seeking relationships include grooming, fitness, career advancement, and creating a comfortable living space.


• Research shows the strongest correlations between couples are in education, intelligence, political beliefs, and religion.


• The effectiveness of showing vulnerability depends on how you're already perceived socially.


• There's a significant lack of relationship guidance for young people compared to abundant career advice.


• Dating preferences show more variety than expected, suggesting more opportunities than pessimistic views indicate.